JCC Why did they make that: movie & TV merchandising WTHs

In the same vein as my Movie Merchandising Missed Opportunities thread, but for stuff that was, you know, actually made and that no one asked for.

First up:

"Tonight, on The Looooove Boat...."

Yes, some toy company (Mego) actually made 3 3/4-inch scale (Star Wars-sized) action figures from The Love Boat! Why they did is anyone's best guess.

Other than a kid using the Isaac figure as the bartender in the old Kenner Mos Eisley Cantina playset, I got nothing else to say about these. I'm just as stupefied they were made as you are.

 

In 1984, LJN made a line of action figures based on the David Lynch Dune movie. While it makes you think why, remember that there was also things made to tie into the movie like bubble gum trading cards, children's storybooks, coloring books, a comics adaptation by Marvel Comics, and board games, so I think it was a bad miscalculation at creating the next Star Wars, if anything.

The funniest things about those action figures is that the one of Sting's character comes with the cat hooked up to a milking device, and that Baron Harkonnen looks to be such a huge chunk of plastic you could brain someone if you threw it at their head.

 

What you see above is a action figure of The Phantom released in 1996 to tie into the Billy Zane movie. He kinda looks like Charlie Brown cosplaying as The Ghost Who Walks, doesn't it? Probably why they didn't sell.

 

Didn't they have M*A*S*H figures too at one point?

 

The Passion of The Christ crucifixion nail jewelry.

 

Yep, even a Klinger variant wearing a dress. M*A*S*H merchandising seemed to emphasize the military angle of the show, with military copters, Jeeps, and cheap rack toys like repackaged army men with tents, like I had when I was little, which is weird for a show that was anti-war.

 

From looking at the 3 3/4-inch Archives, it seems Mego almost made a line of Dallas action figures. Interesting, but they don't measure up in the "What could've been" category that Kenner Alien figures would've.

 

I remember seeing The Black Hole action figures years ago. I thought the film was quite poor (I've never been able to watch more than about 5 minutes of this), and thought the action figures looked as poorly-done as the film...

 

Well, Mego's 3 3/4-inch action figures were of a poorer quality than Kenner's stuff. Not to mention they picked up every sci-fi license that came their way after Star Wars, because it was supposedly said they were offered the SW toy license by a Lucasfilm representative before the the film's release who came into their New York offices, and they responded by literally throwing them out. It was said going after all those licenses (and they not selling) did them in.

 

I particularly like Horatio Caine and that round-headed Phantom.

 

ahahah, David Caruso, what a D- actor