The (Humorous) Fanfic Author's manual

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the pseudo-official Fanfic Author's Manual! Obviously, this isn't anything serious, and it should in no way affect your reading and writing habits. The point is to poke fun at idiosyncracies among us authors without being mean, of course. Self-deprication is allowed, and even encouraged. However, be nice to each other, please!

I'll start...

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Rule #1:

Never post more than once a day. It is recommended that you not post every day, as your readers will become fidgety, demanding, and even mutinous, threatening to take over the story themselves if you haven't posted in twelve hours. However, if you feel compelled to post every day or more than once a day, you should be warned about taking breaks to deal with Darth Real Life, Darth Friends and Family, and the ever-dreaded Darth Writer's Block. (For the consequences associated with the aforementioned, consult any thread in the fan fiction forum authored by "Melyanna".)

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Okay, someone else's turn!

 

Rule #2

If a reader guesses the plot twist to your story - change it.

(This is unofficially known as the Padawan Lunetta Rule)

 

Rule #3-

When stuck for character names, just use one that has previously appeared in every other fic you've ever written. (The Ty-gon Jinn rule)

 

#4

Kill off a main character and your readers will either crucify you or call you a genius or both. Most likely both.

 

Rule # 5: Every author is required (by unwritten, unspoken, but generally understood common law) to write at least 1 ani/ami, at least one jaina/jag, at least one Han/Leia, and/or at least 1 Obi/Sabe romance.

 

Rule #6:

You may steal from yourself. In fact, if it's stealing from an unfinished fic, it's encouraged.

 

Rule #7:

If you make Jar Jar, Jacen, or Borsk look even worse, you will hear from the Humane Society for Over-Bashed Characters.

 

Rule #8:

Never defy destiny, but placing Obi-Wan and Amidala in a romantic situation other you'll have a very pissed-off Anakin Skywalker looking for you.... (The Unspoken Amidala_Skywalker rule)

Am

 

(LOL Hermie! Though that was the rule I was going to put up )

Rule #9

Cliffhangars are of the Sith, and must be avoided at all costs.

Exception: You are a sadist author bent on reader torture, then it is customary to let it hang for a couple of days.

(See any fics by Rebelmom or padawan lunetta.)

 

Rule #10

Refrain from use of all bad words known in English(Huttise is Ok no one understands that stuff I mean I get tired of having to NOT recomend fanfics to others cause of lemons and bad launage.

 

Rule #10

Never forget about a fic in progress and don't update for a month. Reader hate that.

 

Even if your story does not feature Obi-Wan Kenobi in any way, shape, or form, don't forget to add Obi-Torture to everything you write. This keeps the Council for the Prevention of Cruelty to Jedi on their toes and gives them a reason for existance.

 

Rule #12

Never, under any circumstances, edit the chapter you recieve from your beta late at night and put it up. This could result in missed suggestions, (even to the point of not editing out the remarks) and letting readers see your weaknesses.

(The Author to check wishes to remain anonymous )

 

Rule #13

If you're gone on a trip DO NOT tell your readers when you will post next, because if you DO NOT post then, there will be tourches and Author-torture. (This is something a lot of people have learned )

 

Hey Snarky, I resent your rule that cliffhangers are evil.

Some of us enjoy them. (Well, writing them anyway)

 

Hermie, didst thou not seest the exception?

 

I saw it and I didn't like it.

(The truth hurts)

 

Rule #14

There will be writer's block {period}

 

When in doubt, refer to the Dos and Don'ts of fanfic authors...

Example: Sticks

Examples not to follow: Starts threads for fics long before the first post of the actual fic; writes cliffhangers that imply that two main characters are dead, builds on them (occasionally spanning two stories), and lets them sit for a week before any kind of resolution; rarely gives in to begging, threats, or bribery for extra posts; occasionally lets the readers opine on what should happen next in the story, but rarely takes their advice; manages time poorly, so that when she does have a chance to post, she wastes it on other parts of the boards.

Example to follow: Loves her readers.

 

The Do's and Don't's of Fanfic Authors (Cool Idea, Sticks)

Example: Ty-gon Jinn

Example not to follow- Naming all characters by spelling something backwards (See my ill-fated "The Assassin's Sabre," in which I used "Monica," "Sarah," and even "Spleen" backward for character names), naming a character Jo'nar in every story for no good reason, be the "Master of Bizarre Plot Twists" whether people like it or not (That's why I had to kill all my Talon characters), never mention when you may or may not be posting next, write your sequels and prequels with no semblance of chronology (Though that one is a vice that will be revealed later with my "Shadows of Conflict").

Example to follow: Build a fan base by asking a fairly well-known author if you can reccomend his stuff.

 

The Dos and Don'ts of fanfic authors (Look, Sticks, I'm actually the third example!)

Example: Melyanna

Examples not to follow: Posts at least once a day, normally more than once a day, on her most popular story. Habitually starts posting fics and never finishes them within a reasonable amount of time. Asks her readers for suggestions and then ignores them. Resolves cliffhangers too quickly. Is a compulsive overachiever.

Examples to follow: Posts at least once a day, normally more than once a day, on her most popular story. Occasionally asks her readers survey questions about various and sundry topics. Rarely posts cliffhangers. Posts compulsively.