SWRPF Archive The RPF Holonet: News and Current Affairs.

Good Evening, and I am Ysanne Isard.

This is Imperial Hourly!

Today, the return of Director Lavos to the public arena!

In a startling broadcast, the Director came out of hiding to issue a stirring speech in relation to the re-offensive gathering of the Yuuzhan Vong, and the need to repel these invaders every moment of our lives!

And in further news, today marks the 50th week (post) of broadcasting for this, the RPF Holonet!

We thank you, the viewers, for your support!

More news to come!

 

News Flash!:


President Fire Ice Death of the Rebel Alliance is a sadistic [CENSORED!]

General Zaarin had this to say: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY FOOT! MY HAND! AHHHH!!!!"

President FID had this to say: "Let's see what a bolt to his chest will do. Muahahahahaha!"

We will report further news as it develops, stay tuned!

 

This is Imperial Hourly, and I am Ysanne Isard with this breaking news!

Our reporters sighted blaster fire from within the Director of Intelligence - Kane Lavos' - office on board Imperial Justice.
Our hidden sources indicate he was blowing up a wall cabinet in frustration, and we have this exclusive quote.
Live Audio feed...

"Never trust a Zaarin with anything. Make a Memo Tavira, to Me: Do not tell a Zaarin anything important, especially kriffing Intelligence Schemes!! Arghhhh!!!"

Studio
Ahem, reports of more blaster fire soon ensued, and are yet to abate.

This is Ysanne Isard, and this is an exclusive for Imperial Hourly!!

 

This is Imperial Hourly, and this is Flirry Vorru, for Ysanne Isard with breaking news!

Reporters have recieved a tense refusal to gain access to the trial of President Yarlik of the Rebel Alliance.
A 500KM no-ship zone has been upheld, denying entrey to any ships, be they Yuuzhan Vong, Rebel Alliance, Imperial, or civilian.

Please standby while the trial is broadcasted.

This has been Flirry Vorru, for Imperial Hourly, signing off.

 

Breaking News!

Reporters have learned that a Yuuzhan Vong plan to kill Fleet Admiral Bravo of the Rebel Alliance has failed! Fleet Admiral Bravo was unable to confirm this, due to the fact that he was in a bacta tank, but Captain Wilkins did comment and said:

Captain Wilkins: "The Yuuzhan Vong attacked Bravo, on the intent on killing him. In the room was also High Admiral Cast. All other information on this matter is classified. Thank you."


All we know, is that Mon Calamari is heavily gaurded, and no ships that are not Imperial or Rebel have not been allowed in system. In fact, this law is enforced very heavily, as a civilan ship was fired on by a Rebel Patrol ship. Luckly, the shot was just a warning shot, and the vessle left.


Please stay turned for more breaking information! Thank you.

 

Good timezone to you all guys, this be Boba da Helper Monkey to the Director guy eh?

Yea, this be Monkey Moronity Monthly, with some breaking reports concerning the trial of the Pres. guy. Silly man.

Young children on Eriadu's streets, have began to riot in protest of the President Yarlik's activities, saying - and I quote - "Silly Yarlik, why he destroy a Star Destroyer? I like Star Destroyers, they look so cool!"

I guess that really begs the question: what use a leader who listens not to his young populace?

In other news, the Ord Mantell Tourism office has leaked some official documents from the office of Director Kane Lavos, that indicate the Imperial Prodigy may soon be considering retirement, purchasing some property on his home planet eh?

Okiday, me care not, eh? Mabe mesa get his job eh?

This be Monkey Moronity Monthly and I be Boba, see you laters guys..

 

Today's edition of newspaper Rebel Alliance Times, the leading newspaper serving the entire Alliance:
IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER MYSTERIOUSLY EXPLODES OVER ERIADU
ERIADU - The Imperial-class Star Destroyer Tiger, under the command of General Zaarin of Imperial Intelligence, mysteriously exploded after the Olympus Station opened fire on Wednesday ((I'm just giving a random day.))

General Zaarin had arrived at Eriadu when the Tiger opened fire on Olympus. In an interview with President Yarlik, the President claimed it was due to a "weapons malfunction" on the Star Destroyer and that the Olympus returned fire and actually destroyed the Imperial ship.

Sources are still not sure as why General Zaarin and the Tiger came to Eriadu in the first place. According to President Yarlik a slicer went into the Alliance's data computers and deleted vital information regarding the event.

When asked why the Olympus was so trigger-happy, President Yarlik replied that "we had tried hailing them, but they didn't respond."

We will continue coverage as we learn more information.

 

What is this? A mix between NBC News, CNN, BBC, and ALL news channels around the galaxy?

 

Good Evening, and my Name is Ysanne Isard reminding you to tune into Imperial Hourly!, right here, on your RPF Holonet!

Some people ask, what is the RPF Holonet all about?

Simply put, this is the news service for YOU! Whatever the faction, whatever the RP whatever your view, this is the News Holonet for YOU!

Anyone is able to post a newsflash concering their own RP threads and the current plots, or any major turns concerning their individual factions!

We even have the 100% No advertising policy! brought in by the Eternal Dark Lord Darth Attorney, that prohibits - on threat of closure - anyone from advertising for their faction or RP in this thread!

So come on! get into it! No matter the RP, no matter the view, this is the News Holonet broadcaster for you!

RPF Holonet...delivering excellence, since Palpy was a boy!

 

New Reporter (Female): "Ladies and gentlemen of the galaxy, we have some late breaking news. We have learned that a General Bravo is in a bloddy campagin against an alien race called the Chingyosee. Wait, here is some live footage from the battle now."

*Shows ground battle during the day. New Republic troops and tanks advanceing on a Chingyosee held town. The Chingyosee are fighting back. Out of a mini carmea (sp?) cam on Bravo's helmet, we see as Bravo advances with honor. We also see Bravo firing off a few rounds torwards an enemy held bunker. Then the live feed is cut off.*

News Reporter (Female): "As you can see, this is a heavy ground battle. We will keep you informed as new information comes in."

 

A citizen called in. "RPF Holonet, I have a question: How did Bravo become a General? Last I heard he was a disgraced Admiral on the borderline of demotion to Lieutenant or something."

 

RPF Operator: "This knowledge is unknwo to us, at this present time. Perhaps a self-promotion?"

---

"Good evening, beings of the galaxy, this is once again Fliry Vorru with your (evening/morning/afternoon) report."
"The Inquisition has suffered a recent loss, when Inquisitor Jace Halycron was captured while scouting the Hapan Star Cluster for possible hostilities against the sovereign Galactic Empire, when he was captured by unknwon individuals on Hapes. It is unknown at this time as to who the heinous captors are, but reports will begin to flock in as the investigation continues."

 

News Reporter (Female): "Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. We have late breaking news. We are going live to where a large battle has just taken place against General Bravo's forces and the Chingyosee forces.. Acording to sources, General Bravo's forces have beaten the enemy. Let I give all views a warning...wait I am revicing new information...ladies and gentlemen, the footage you are about to see does have deceasded beings and the hororable facts of war. Please, all children under the age of 18, please do not watch the following footage. Thank you."

*Imagine cuts to battle footage. There, the New Republic camrea man slowly spins around, giving viewers a view of war. Across the battlefield, dead bodies, smoking vehicles, and the dying or injuired lay on the ground. The Camrea man turns to a bloodied a man walking torwards him. In the backround, is the remains of a Chingyosee town, that had to receive the burtal attack of war. The man's combat armor and cloths are torn at the arms and places in the chest. The combat armor and clothing is dirty and stained with blood. The same goes with the man's face. On his right shoulder, the man carries a blaster rifle, which is slinged over the amn's shoulder. Behind the man and to his right, walks another man, just as battle damaged and warn.

NR Military News Reporter: "General Bravo, may we have a word with you?"

General Bravo stops, and addresses the reporter and now and then looks towards the camrea.

General Bravo: "Yes."

Bravo's voice is crackled, dry from hours of combat. His voice was also deep and battle tired.

NR Military News Reporter: "What is the out come of this battle?"

Bravo: "The New Republic military has been the victor here today."

NR Military New Reporter: "General. From sources, we hear that you and your men are deserters of the New Republic Military."

Bravo lost it, and punched the New Reporter with a right hook. The New Reporter fell to the ground, with blood coming from his noise and his jaw broken. Bravo gave a "you cry baby look", and called for a medic. The medic came, and took the reporter away for medical treatment. A second news reporter filled in for the one who just got decked by Bravo.

News Reporter: "General sir. Why did you hit that man?"

Bravo: "No one calls me or any of my men deserters!"

News Reporter: "Sir, what would you call your leaving of the New Republic?"

Bravo: "All information reguarding that issue are classified."

News Reporter: "Could you give us any information on why you are here then?"

Bravo: "On a dipomatic mission to the Chingyosee, we were attacked by them."

News Reporter: "Thank you for your time general."

The imagine faded away, and came back to the female news reporter.*

News Reporter (Female): "Do to a request not only by General Bravo, but also out of respect for the fallen heros of that battle, we will not show any more of this battle, until the bodies of the fallen men and woman are removed. Thank you and have a good night."

 

This is a special announcement from the Yuuzhan Vong that have invaded your galaxy and want to kill all of you.

Die.

Thank you and goodnight!

 

Oh, great you ruined our cover.

 

Welcome again, to Imperial Hourly!

It seems, that people are still mystified as to the purpose of Wall8!

Well gentlebeings, it was a rather shonky piece of art that was created by former Emperor Jello, who claimed to find some inner meaning from its shape and context.

It is actually true however, that he based this art on ancient spirits and powers beyond any sapient comprehension, and so affronted are they by his work that they captured and destroyed it, and then used it's infamy as a cheap excuse to make money, taking over the Imperial Bar and Grille from Hooper McFinney and Lord Bane, and calling it the home of 'Wall8', as a way to pull in crowds.

Their current monopoly on the Bar and Grille Industry has seen Wall8's inclusion into Coruscant's top 100 most eligible bachelors section.

And I must say, they've got my vote!

This is Ysanne Isard, for Imperial Hourly,

Signing off.

 

Must... go... up...

UPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........

 

With all this political turmoil, I am surprised to see that the News has not covered one single bit on business and the Galactic Economy..

Being CEO of the Galactic Bank, can I cover that section?

 

Of course! You can be the Finance Correspondent!

Only on, Imperial Hourly!: We report, you believe!

 

For some reason I found that incredibly funny.

 

Thanks..