Things you'd normally never think about...

Okay this thread pretty much is to have a little fun at the expense of putting together concepts you'd normally not think about. Have fun with it!


When I was a kid, I heard the phrase, "Nobody likes a quitter." Well that made me wonder. What if you took up smoking? Then everyone tries to get you to quit because they don't like you smoking. Wouldn't you then be stuck in a catch 22, based off of the earlier phrase?

 

What if you enjoy being stupid and everytime you say something people say to you "Don't be stupid!". Is it worse to be stupid, since you enjoy it, or to quit being stupid just to make others happy?

 

if you do that you'll go blind...

(er did I post that aloud HA HA)

 

"Nobody likes a quitter." Well that made me wonder. What if you took up smoking?

:: Stand up to podium ::
"Hi, my name is Jonathan Passow and I was a smoker for 7 years..."
"Hi Jonathan..."
"Uh, ya...I since quit smoking on December 23rd, 2003, and no one likes me anymore. My parents disoned me, my dog peed on my leg, and cops keep beating me on the street, all because I quit, and no one likes a quitter..."


hehehehe (and yes, I really did quit smoking after 7 years on the above date!)

 

Okay this thread pretty much is to have a little fun at the expense of putting together concepts you'd normally not think about.

See, my nickname is Random for a reason. Things I say often appear to come from out of nowhere. However, I do what you are attempting to do in this thread in my head all the time, so the concepts really aren't random at all, because their tied together in my mind. Sort of a six degrees of Kevin Bacon thing.

*begins stand up routine*

Why aren't there E grades in grade school? A, B, C, D, and F... BUT WHERE'S E? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!

When Lucas was teaching his kids how to count to ten did he teach them 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10?

Why do we guys not have push-up boxers if women have push-up bras? I mean, not that I need support to show off how endowed I am, but...

I'm stopping there. I could take this totally in the wrong direction if I wanted to.

 

Why are they called lollipops when they don't pop at all?

Is Weird Al really that weird or has he just been faking it all these years?

When people say, "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine", what if your not itchy at the moment?

(Hears a running gag in the Pittsburgh FF---Do Ewoks wear pants!?!)

 

show off how endowed I am
Yes, endowed with a big ego...

When people say, "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine", what if your not itchy at the moment?

That's when I hand out an I-O-U scratch.

Do Ewoks wear pants!?!

Yes, but only on Sundays.

And before anyone asks "Howw many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsi pop" the answer to that is :
There are several factors, needless to say, even if it's the same person counting, the # of licks will differ at each attempt.
If you wanted to look at it semi-scientifically, the number of licks needed depend on these factors:
* Pressure per square inch the tongue is applied to the surface of the tootsie pop (TP)
* The average amount of square inch in contact between tongue and TP
* At what measurement from the center of the stick of the TP at which you declare that you have reached the center of the TP.
* The rotation factor of the TP - if the eater continues to lick one specific portion only to reach the center faster - or if licks are distributed evenly around the outer surface area of TP.
And to a lesser extent:
* Ambient temperature
* Use of teeth / or lack of teeth of eater
* Hunger of TP eater
* Boredom of TP eater
* Age of TP

So you see the factors very so much from person to person that the world may truely "Never know"

 

That doesn't even factor in that a person might stick the Tootsie Pop in his or her cheek and just suck away. Would you then have a count of 0 licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop?


/classic Weird Al moment from UHF/
...what if you were going through outer space at the speed of light and you opened your mouth... -Stanely Spedowski, world's greatest janitor and tv man.

 

Why do we guys say "I've got to go take a leak"? When we go we're not actually taking anything. If nothing else we're giving something, not taking. It makes sense to say "I'm going to take a breather" because we're actually taking a breath into out bodies but it just doesn't work when taking a whiz .

 

Have you ever noticed that there aren't any roads called Road Rd. or Lane Ln.?




Here's another weird thing...


Want to attract a squirrel? Play piano by an opened sliding glass door and have some peanuts out on the balcony. They smell the nuts, they hear the music. I wonder if they think it is a lounge?

 

Say you have vision problems, and you need an eye transplant. You go through the procedure and get your new eyes. Now do you look different? haha

 

LOL random.

Here's another one, I no langer have a mullet, but am still called Mullet. lol.

Are the Lost 20 really lost? Or are they to vain to stop and ask for directions?

If a tree farts in the woods, and only a cow is around to hear it, does Einstien still hold a grudge?

 

Why do they call it a driveway when you're not driving in it?

And why do they call it a parkway when you're not parking in it?

I'm sure I'll come up with more later, just too busy gaming right now

 

Why are women evil?



Actually, here's a proof.

1. Women = money X time
2. Time is money
3. Women = money^2
4. Money is evil
5. Women are the root of all evil

 

Dude that theory is soooooooooooooooooooooooo true (no offense, ladies). I have that thing on my pc somewhere, I need to print it out and frame it.

 

Here are some mysteries I thought up regarding the computer...

Apple IIe's only displayed images in black and green. What would the blue screen of death (that appears when your computer acts up) look like on an Apple IIe?

Why does that one screen appear asking you to "Press Any Key"? I've looked all around my keyboard, and not a single key on it says "Any" on it.

If the one-armed man from The Fugitive had computer problems, how could he press Ctrl-Alt-Delete? (For those of you too slow to get this it would require 2 hands)

 

I just thought this one up, and I think I'm actually going to try to use it as a pick up line. Seriously.

Have you ever heard the phrase cute as a button? Well, I don't know about you, but I haven't seen too many buttons that I would describe as cute.

Then I proceed to say, and since that's the case, I'd consider you to be a whole lot cuter than a button.

Next thing I know, she's buying me drinks.

 

1. Women = money X time
2. Time is money
3. Women = money^2
4. Money is evil
5. Women are the root of all evil


And now we know why Eric's such a ladies man.

 

If the one-armed man from The Fugitive had computer problems, how could he press Ctrl-Alt-Delete? (For those of you too slow to get this it would require 2 hands)
I would like to draw everyone's attention to the right hand side of the keyboard...under the "ENTER" key, there is a "SHIFT" which under that is another "ALT" and "Ctrl" key...and easily within reach of those 2 keys is the "DELETE" key

Problem solved...

As for the "root of all evil" comment...once I dispose of the remains of Random (after the ladies of JKOC bludgen him into his next life) I would like to point out that how can women be connected to the evils of money...when in many cases, men control much of the corporate world?

And now we know why Eric's such a ladies man.
LOL!!!

 

after the ladies of JKOC buldgen him into his next life

 

Actually, I think he meant bludgen.

But who would want to bludgen anyone with a face like mine?

 

Why are women evil?

Because we like to make men's lives miserable.

 

Actually, I think he meant bludgen.
I figured as much, but I'm too lazy to correct my own typos half the time, and definitely too lazy to correct those of others.

 

But who would want to bludgen anyone with a face like mine?

Wow. I'm not even going to go there.

 

Because we like to make men's lives miserable.



And, if I may be so bold, you do it well.