Beyond - Legends Forgiveness- a Jacen Solo Fanfic

Title: Forgiveness
Author: Anedon
Timeframe: After Crucible
Characters: Jacen Solo, Jaina Solo, OCs
Categorization: Legends, AU
Notes: This the second part to my first fic Atonement: http://boards.theforce.net/threads/atonement-a-jacen-solo-fanfic.50041213/


Atonement was an older fic of mine I translated and uploaded here and later wrote new chapters for. This is the second part of the fic and it deals with Jacen´s return to the galactic alliance. It introduces more canon characters and I assume it won´t fit with completely with fate of the Jedi and crucible. But I will do my best to make it fit.

Thanks to the wonderful Lady Belligerent who is my beta reader. Thanks for this
Also Thanks to Halle Dray who agreed to be my second beta. Thanks
And last but not least Thanks to my new beta divapilot.

BTW: Don´t wonder that Jacen hasn´t that much PoV chapters at the beginning of the story. He is still the central character and will get more involved when the story later.
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Prologue

Thorne kneeled before the corpse of his apprentice. Once again a great sadness felt him. In the last ten years she been his daughter in all but blood, she had helped him much more than he had helped her. In the first years his guilt had vanished and he had again a purpose in his life.

He had sworn to himself not to make the same mistakes again, he had sworn to keep her alive. And now she was nothing more than a dead body and he, he was still alive. Once again he had outlived his apprentice. No tears came from his eyes while he kneeled next to her. He had lost all of them in the last three days, along with a good deal of his remaining powers.
He had aged in this time more than in the last ten years. His eyes had become cloudy and his hands shivered more often than not. It was cold around him and today he felt it much more than the day they reached Asterian. Everything had changed in the moment the blaster bolt had killed Briala.

Every feeling she had helped him overcome had returned, his guilt, his shame and his anger. In the last three days he had given into all of them, his rage had led him to the men responsible and he had killed them. Thorne didn´t know if he had killed all remaining Lost Sons or if there were more on other worlds but his duty was fulfilled and Briala was avenged. At least partially he was also responsible for her death, once again he had driven his student into the arms of death.

"I´m sorry. Briala. I´m so sorry. Please forgive me." With this words he set the wood she rested on fire. It started to burn and Briala's corpse was devoured by the flames. "This was all my fault. I´m sorry. I should be the one who had died. you didn´t deserved to die. You where so young. I´m an old man. I´m sorry. He muttered while the fire grew.

"Please forgive me." He begged her and the tears returned to his face. He sat there for hours crying and begging for forgiveness while the Briala got her funeral. Throne had buried his old apprentice in the earth of Learan but Briala? No, she had been a Jedi and he burned her like a Jedi. Night gathered around him as the fire burned down and only ashes where left. "Please forgive me." Me muttered a last time while the last of his tears landed on the ground.

"I already have master." A voice said behind him and Thorne turned around. Briala stood there a few steps away from him and she wore the same sleeveless training outfit like she had on Learan.
"Bria?" He asked her disbelieving. She looked at him: "You don´t have to be sorry master you couldn´t have prevented it."
"I could have. I should have left you on Learan where it was safe." Her face became sad: "I would have convinced you to take me with you, in that case." Thorne knew she was right with that, he had never been able to deny anything to her. He asked himself if Jacen Solo felt the same for his daughter. Had this been the reason for his fall to the dark side? In a moment like this Thorne could understand his decision. And he had done it himself he realized and shame filled him.

"I´ve slaughtered them, the men who killed you. I´ve searched for revenge. I´ve shamed your memory." Briala came closer to him: "That wasn´t revenge it was justice, they deserved to die for what they had done in the village. If you hadn´t stopped them they would murder more innocents now. You have saved them." Thorne wasn´t sure if she was right with that but he wasn´t sure about anything anymore. "You died." he finally managed to say.

"There is no death there is only the force," Briala said: "You have taught me that." "But how can you be here?" She smiled sad: "I will always be with you, Mako. If you want to talk to me I will answer."
Thornes head raised for a moment. This was the first time since decades someone had used his first name. Tears filled his eyes once again when he thought back to friends who had called him by it in his youth. They were all dead now, like Bria. Only he was left, that seemed to be his fate. "I should be dead too." He muttered to Briala.
"Here is nothing left for me." She rested her hand on his shoulder like the Jedi Gaven always did. "But there is something you have to do." Thorne laughed: "I´m a weak old man, what can I do?" Sadness overcame her face once again:

"A war is coming, you know that. You have seen it." The prophecy. In his years on Learan Thorne had visited the Phaeron once every year. He had sat there in the darkness and thought about the prophecy that was written there at the wall. He had always believed it to be just an ancient relict but them it had started to fulfill itself. Thorne had seen how tyranny took place in the center of the galaxy. He had heard about the destruction of Alderan and the beginning of a new age in the galaxy.
And he had heard of the Jedi who returned. Thorne remembered who he had learned about the three grandchildren of Darth Vader and he had known they would play a part in the wars to come. But the Vong war had changed everything, it had fulfilled the next part of the prophecy but it had also taken Anakin Solos life and the greatest son had died. Thorne had believed that the prophecy had changed but four years ago...

He had believed the prophecy wouldn´t fulfill itself but it still did. Jacen Solos fall had broken him and he had realized that everything was true, the prophecy the great war that would come and the vision he had. Thorne shivered when he thought back to it.

"There is nothing I can do. I can´t change fate, nobody can." He told Briala. She shook her head: "Jacen Solo is alive." That was true, something had changed Thorne assumed, by sparing the life of her brother Jaina Solo had changed everything. Thorne remembered the moment at the phaeron a month ago where he had realized who stood before him. He had been so hopeful, but Briala´s death had destroyed that hope. "There is so much you can still do." Briala said to him. Thorne stood up and asked:
"What?" "There are people out there who need your wisdom, your knowledge. They need you Mako." Tears filled his eyes again: "I can´t do this alone." Briala looked at him:
"I will be with you. Always."

 

Nice start...I like that Thorne got some closure with Briala.

 

SiouxFan I´m glad you like my idea, I think Thorne needed that.

Lady Belligerent Thank´s I hope you will enjoy it.


One

"Are you ready for this?" Gaven asked him. Jacen nodded slowly: "It´s okay. We both knew it would happen." In the last two days since they had left Darvin behind them, everything seemed to have changed. Gaven had become more stoic almost worried.

Jacen knew he had talked to Jaina and also to his uncle. He asked himself what they had told his friend they would do. Of course they would imprison him again. Jacen had known this, his uncle would probably never forgive him for Mara´s death and Jacen knew he was right with that. What I´ve done is unforgivable. He was okay with the fact to return to his prison. And thankful that they had allowed him to go on this mission. Gaven had helped him seeing the good inside him again and Jacen knew it would help him in his cell. It would help him not to lose his mind. "If there is anything we can do for you, just say it." Nev told him as she approached them. Jacen took a deep breath, they had landed. Then he managed a smile:

"I´m okay I´m coming home." She returned the smile as the steel ramp of the ship lowered itself. Jacen wondered if Leah would accompany them but he assumed the girl had chosen to stay at the ship. When they walked down the ramp, Nev stayed behind them and Jacen felt insecure for a moment, many things had changed since he had left this place. He felt someone was waiting for them, he hoped it was Jaina. His sister hadn´t changed this much since he saw her the last time. Like most of the time she wore her flight suit and kept her brown hair long and lose. For a second Jacen smiled as he saw her and he could have sworn to see one of her face to for a blink. "Jaina." Gaven greeted her and the two Jedi shook hands. Then they became more serious.

"Gaven." His sister answered short: "I´m expecting to hear more about the mission soon, but first we should take care of my brother." My brother? Jacen felt shame about this, after all he had done Jaina still considered him her brother. Gaven nodded. "Is he armed?" Jaina asked the older Jedi. "He already gave his blaster when we left the sector." Gaven answered and said nothing about the lightsaber Thorne had given to him. But it wasn´t his anymore, Jacen had granted it to Leah, knowing she would have greater use for it than he would.
She will become a great Jedi. For a moment he thought back to a girl he recruited into the order: Seha an orphan from corusant, she had looked up to him and he had used her as a pawn. He had misused her trust, like he did to so many others. Jaina checked him for hidden weapons and after she found none she lead them out of the small hangar. Jacen recognized Jainas X-Wing behind their freighter before they left, Jaina´s droid, Cappie was watching them silent. Nobody said a word as they entered the room Jacen had spent most of the last four years in. He walked inside his cell without any protest and Jaina activated the transparisteel wall between them. Then she turned to Gaven: "I would like to talk to my brother, we could do the briefing afterwards."

His friend nodded and left. Jaina turned to him and for a moment neither of the twins said a word.
"You look terrible." Jaina said after a while. Jacen knew this, the droid on board of their ship had healed most of his wounds but there were still dozens of bruises and scabbed wounds across his body. "We were attacked." He told her quietly. "I heard about it. Gaven said they have beaten you for almost a complete day." Jacen saw a bit worry in her eyes. The worry of a sister who looked at her wounded brother.
"He said you nearly died there." For a while Jacen said nothing:

"Maybe I would have been better I had." He said with a toneless voice. Jaina said nothing to this and for a while they both stayed there in silence and Jacen felt the weary of his sister. Than Jacen looked up to her: "You are married now?" He just had to say something against the silence. On their way back they had heard about it. Jacen had been glad his sister found some happiness for herself.
Now she is not alone anymore. Jaina nodded: "Jag and I married a month ago. After the crisis was over." "I hope you are happy with him." Jacen answered shy. Jaina smiled for a second: "I am. He is a good man, we love each other." For a short moment they looked like normal siblings. Like the children of normal citizens who talked to each other about their lovers, and not like the son and daughter of heroes, a great Jedi knight and a captive Ex-Sith lord. Than it broke: "Does he knew it?" Jacen asked her and she became the Jedi again.

"He does, I´ve told him." She said nothing more to it. After a moment she looked up to him: "You changed since we met the last time." Jacen nodded slowly: "I have. You where right, there is still something of Jacen Solo inside me." Again a smile went over her face: "You are still my brother. I´m glad you realized that."

"That doesn't excuse anything." Jacen said: "You´re giving me love I don´t deserve." Jaina said nothing to this but Jacen knew, at least a part of her agreed with him. Mara had been her mentor and they had been close to each other. Then after a while Jacen asked the question had was in his mind since they had decided to return to the galactic alliance. "Is Allana okay?" Jaina nodded slowly: "Yes, she is." She said nothing more and Jacen felt he shouldn´t ask any more questions. But Jacen felt joy inside him for a moment, his daughter was safe. Again silence filled the room. Minutes later Jacen said:
"I´ve seen him." "Whom?" Jaina looked up to him. "Anakin. I was dying and he was there, for a moment." His sister didn´t said anything to this but Jacen could feel the sadness inside her, the same sadness he felt. For a while both siblings mourned their dead brother together.

Than Jaina stood up: "I have to go, Luke awaits the result of the briefing." Jacen nodded and Jaina left. Jacen stayed alone in his cell. Later after hours he assumed Gaven entered the room. he sat down before the transparisteel. They had said their goodbyes already yesterday evening, in case the Jedi wouldn't allow Gaven to visit him here.
"Are you okay?" The older Jedi asked him again and Jacen nodded: "Yeah I´m good, I´ve been in far worse places before." Gaven smiled: "Jaina has just left and I will follow her soon, the council awaits my report. I may also speak to Luke, maybe I can accomplish something for you." Jacen answered slowly:

"It´s okay Gaven, I deserve this here." Gaven looked at him sad: "No you don´t. You deserve a chance to earn forgiveness."

 

Two

Gaven looked down to the lights of Corusant below him. They were still flying the freighter since Nev had decided to keep the vessel. Once again she sat on the pilot seat and brought them into a lower Orbit. Leah sat beside her in the seat of the copilot and listened to all of Nev´s explanations.

Gaven was glad the two had bonded so easily and he knew that someone would need to teach Leah how to fly a space ship as he wouldn´t be able to do so. Gaven hated flying and had never learned it, the few times he had tried, well he shouldn´t think about them. When they had left the meeting point Gaven had asked Leah if she truly wanted to become his student and the girl had accepted. Jaina had approved too and Gaven was confidant the council would allow him to train her. If they don´t allow it to me I will just train her anyway.

He decided he had followed the orders of this new council long enough. For a moment he recalled the conversation he had with Nev shortly before he had informed Jaina of their return. They had played with the thought just to claim Jacen was dead and then settle down on Learan with him and Leah. But Gaven had a duty to fulfill and so they where here now. He hated the planet, it was loud here and a breath of fresh air was basically impossible to get. The claustrophobic surroundings where even more frightening to him. He had spent most of his time inside and was always glad when he could leave the planet. "Is it true that the whole planet is a single great city?" Leah asked him. Gaven nodded.

Yes almost the entire surface is covered with buildings. Only the poles where left intact. For a moment Gaven remembered the first looked he had on the planet, while it was still being rebuilt after the Vong war. Also for a short moment he was transported back to the horror of the second galactic civil war. He remembered how he had tried to understand why all this had happened and why Jacen had turned into Darth Caedus. Gaven had believed him as a hero of the order and now he was their enemy. He and Kenth had long discussed about Jacen´s reasons he remembered.
But things had changed and the man who had declared all Jedi to be traitors was now his friend.

Gaven already missed him and he knew Nev felt the same. His conversation with Jaina had given him hope the grandmaster would free Jacen eventually but he knew it wasn´t very likely. He wished Jacen would be with them right now as Gaven could have used his company. Soon he would met with the grandmaster and he had to tell Luke Skywalker about everything that happened on their mission. Gaven still wasn´t sure how much he would tell Luke and how he should deal with Thorne.
Gaven knew that Luke Skywalker was a great Jedi but he was also a human and Gaven had learned that Luke possessed a strong personal hatred for his nephew. Gaven was angered by this, the man had married a professional killer, forgiving her everything but was unable to at least try to forgive the Jedi who had saved the galaxy more than once? Gaven had meet the former Hand of the Emperor only once and didn´t know much about her but if what Jacen had told him was true she had tried to kill him. Gaven remembered what Thorne had said to him about broken people. They should have tried to help Jacen instead of making plans to kill him. At least Jaina had stopped her blade in the end. Gaven liked her for that.

The ship entered the higher atmosphere and revealed the first real view on galactic city. Gaven smiled as the two women before him reacted like he did when he saw this for the first time. "That´s impossible." Leah said, "How many people must live down there." "Billions."
Gaven answered, "Nobody knows the exact number." "How can so many being´s live at the same place?" She continued to ask. "Many of them live in very little space." Gaven explained to her: "Entire families living in one room. The lower parts of the city are housing millions of incredibly poor beings." Nev turned to him while leaving the landing mostly to the auto pilot: "But that apartment you own isn´t there right?" Gaven grinned: "No, it´s in a part of the city that is mostly reserved for administration and trade. It´s very quiet there."
For a moment he though back to the man who had left him the apartment. Kenth Hamner had been his best and sometimes only friend in the Jedi order and now he was dead and the Barabel who murder him sat in the council. Gaven hand briefly touched Kenth´s lightsaber which he had used since his own was destroyed that horrible day. The freighter landed on the docking area of the tower and they left the ship shortly afterwards. Among the rich and modern ships of the other inhabitants their old freighter looked like a beggar at a banquet. The three humans entered the lift and Gaven identified himself.

"You are full surprises, Gaven." Nev told him as they entered and kissed his cheek. The apartment was huge and Gaven assumed it had cost Hamner most of his payment as a general to buy it. He thanked his friend in the force and for a short moment he had the feeling Kenth where ever he was smiled at him. The turned to the others: "Leah there is a guest room over there. It has its own wet cell if you want to clean yourself a bit." She nodded and left. "Is it okay if Leah stays with us for a while?" Gaven asked Nev. She smiled: "Of course, she has no one else and I like her, she can stay as long as she want."

"Thanks. I don´t want to return to the temple to be honest and I don´t want to bring Leah there. The temple has changed." But there were still thing he needed to do there. We would meet with Luke tomorrow and he had to give an official briefing to the rest of the council. And there was the thing Jacen had asked him for. There was a girl Seha, she was a Jedi Jacen had recruited into the order.
He had used her as a pawn in the early days of Darth Caedus, something he still felt guilty about. He had asked Gaven to talk to her and maybe convince her to meet with him. Jaina had told Gaven that Seha knew about Jacen´s survival as she had helped Jaina to smuggle the unconscious Jacen from the Anakin Solo. Gaven hoped he would manage convincing the girl to meet Jacen and maybe he would even talk to Tahiri.

That night when Gaven and Nev laid together in bed she asked him: "Gaven, do you love me?" Gaven was confused: "Of course I do." She smiled and laid on of her arms around him: "Can I come with you when the council sends you and Leah on your next mission?" "Of course we will take you with us somebody has to fly the ship." She hit him with a pillow but she laughed during it. "And because I will never leave you again Nev." She came a bit closer to him: "Do you promise?" "I do." For a while nobody said a word than Nev said: "I still can´t believe we are here now. And you are my Jedi." "I´ve promised it to you." Gaven said and she kissed him. "Everything I´ve dreamed of when I was a child has come true." Nev said. "I´m here with the man I love and we will see the galaxy together." This time Gaven would have felt her joy even if he hadn´t been a Jedi himself.

 

Lady Belligerent Thanks I´m glad you still enjoy it

Three



Jacen sat inside of his cell and meditated. While his body stayed in the small room he called his home, his mind traveled through the galaxy. There were no borders within the force, when he meditated he was free. In the first four years inside his cell he hadn´t meditated a single time. He just hadn´t been able to do it.

Every time he had closed his eyes he had seen the dead before him. His time with Gaven and Nev had changed everything, he had cleared his mind to a degree. But they were still there. His victims would be at his side for the rest of his life, like his guilt. Jacen knew what he had done and that there was no chance of redemption for him but Gaven was right, he could at least try to atone for his deeds. For Gaven that´s enough to forgive me. But Gaven was different. His friend had also done horrible things in his past, but in contrast to Jacen, the galaxy had forgiven him. Jacen's family would probably never do it and Jacen knew they were right with that. He deserved this just as he had deserved to die by his sisters hands.

It was Jaina´s pity and Gaven´s friendship he didn´t deserve as well as Ben´s forgiveness. Jacen still couldn´t believe the boy who´s mother he had killed was trying to forgive him. It had relieved him more than he was able to tell, but it had also shamed him. Ben was a far better person than he ever had been in his life, despite everything. Maybe his friendship with a Sith has changed him. Jacen thought, Ben had told him a bit about the Sith girl he had feelings for. Jacen had wanted to warn him not to trust her, but he knew how ironic that would have been, so he said nothing.

They still love me at least a bit. Gaven had mentioned that even his parents seemed to be glad that their son had found his way back to the light. The Jedi had even allowed him to stay in contact with his family through coded messages in the holonet. They never talked much about Jacen. Instead, they told him about the things happening in the galaxy. It was not much but Jacen was glad they talked to him again. It also helped him to get a better picture about what was happening in the galaxy. The whole last year they had communicated this way and Jacen had been visited by some of them. He was relieved that his relationship with his family had become better but he knew it would never come close to what it had been before his turn to the dark side.

I´ve lost everything I had when I became Caedus, that's the fate of a Sith. Well not everything, he still had his life and even when he wasn´t sure if deserved it, he was thankful for being alive. They need you, Anakin had told him. Jacen asked himself what his brother had meant by this. Was he referring to Gaven and Nev? Or to his family? Or was there more behind that? For a moment he thought of Abeloth. Luke had told him that it had been his actions that released this ancient being on the galaxy. Jacen was broken down after this as he realized that there were even more victims of Darth Caedus. Maybe Caedus was right. Maybe it´s my destiny to make the galaxy suffer. "That wasn´t your fault." Gaven had told him after this, "You didn´t knew what would happen, don´t blame yourself for it."

But Jacen did and Gaven had known that. Gaven had visited him several times during the last years and they had discussed many things. Jacen was glad the council had allowed his friend to train Leah as his apprentice. They had done several missions for the council together in the last year and developed a strong trust for each other. Jacen was glad about this. He knew Gaven would be a great mentor to her. They hadn´t heard anything from Thorne and Jacen knew the old man was likely dead. It saddened him. The old Jedi had been a man of honor and wisdom.

When someone entered his cell Jacen looked up and left his mediations. It was a young red haired woman, a woman he had used as a pawn for his schemes. He had exploited her trust and turned her into his tool.
Seha Dorvald looked at him, the man who had recruited her into the Jedi order, the man to whom she had looked up to until she had realized who he truly was. Jacen stood up. "Seha, I´m sorry." He said as he walked towards the transparisteel of his cell. Seha said nothing for a moment, than she answered:

"What for? Betraying the order? Using me as your tool?" Jacen felt the guilt inside him and started to shiver. "For everything I have done to you and the galaxy. I´m sorry I dragged you into this, I´m sorry I exploited your good faith in me." He felt how tears filled his eyes when he thought back to these dark days. To what he had done. Seha looked at him: "I´ve looked up to you since the day you brought me into the order. After you fell, I believed it to be my fault." Jacen looked up to her: "Don't think that. It´s my fault alone about what happened. You acted in good faith like a Jedi should and I misused your trust. I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I have done, but you did nothing wrong." The girl looked in his eyes: "It´s true what Gaven said, you changed. I can feel it."

"It´s too late." Jacen answered sad. "I´ve done horrible things and nothing will change them." "I´ve asked myself if you ever truly wanted to help me." Seha told him. "I did at first. Before I became Caedus and even then, I never wanted to hurt you." "You had no such morals with the rest of the galaxy." She pointed out and for a moment Jacen saw the burring forests of Kashyyyk again before him. He thought of the thousands that must have died this day alone. He fell to his knees and started to cry. "I´m sorry," he muttered while his head rested against the wall. "I´m so sorry." The tears ran across his face as he sobbed. Seha said nothing and just stared at the man the galaxy had feared once. A crying wreck. "Ben Skywalker says he forgives you," she told him after a while.

"He might be right with that. Whatever you are now, you are not Caedus anymore. I think the Jedi who recruited me into the order is still alive." She paused and Jacen looked up to her. "I will try to forgive you, what you have done to me." "I don´t deserve this." Jacen answered weakly.
"Maybe not, but the Jedi you were does."

 

That last line is really good.

 

Lady Belligerent, Thanks, it was a spontaneous idea.
Darth_wanderguard I´m very glad you enjoy my fanfic.

Four

Thorne walked through the streets of Corusant for the first time in over eighty years. Some things had changed but he recognized still many of the old buildings in the distance. The senate was still standing after all this time which impressed him. Neither the empire nor the Vong had destroyed it although Jacen had told him there was still something of the Vong left there.
A world brain but Thorne wasn´t sure about that. The streets where still filled with the same spectrum of different races as it had been in his youth. He even recognized some of the buildings around him even though they had since been renovated. This city was just untamable. he thought as he watched a group of traders showing their goods to the people on the street.

All these years he had spent on Learan trying to forget the galaxy around him, he had seen children being born, raised, getting married and dying but here nothing had changed. After he had left his ship, he had decided to take a walk through the streets to get a better impression of the new city but now he assumed he would find his way without problems. A block ahead was the flat of the man who had once given him and his master the task to find his missing children, a mission that had led Thorne and his master in the deepest regions of the world, the abandoned industrial district. In a close distance Thorne saw a cantina in which he had been several times with his own apprentice to get information. The name of the locale had changed but the rest seemed to be preserved. There was the statue of General Hoth, one of the greatest Jedi heroes he had always admired and only a few meters behind it was the small passage in which he and the Twi'lek padawan of another master had once kissed each other.

Thorne smiled when he thought back to that day. He still remembered her eyes and her blue lips on his. They had broken the code but that hadn´t mattered for him in that moment. For a short moment his thoughts returned to her and what would have happened if he had stayed in the order. There were a lot of Twi'lek around him so it wasn´t easy for him to just forget her and concentrate. But he had to, he had a duty. He wasn´t sure how he should begin. After he had listened to Gaven´s message on Asteria, he had originally planned to contact the other Jedi immediately but he had decided against it. Instead he had stayed almost half a year on the planet searching for a transport. He had returned to Learan for a short while and buried Briala's ash there. It felt right to him, like closure. And there was the other thing, the object he now hid inside of his robe. At first he had wanted to leave it on Learan but he knew he would need it, the galaxy would need it.

He had finally left Learan and made his way through the galaxy, he had traveled slowly and stayed for weeks on several planets he had visited in his time as a Jedi, but this time he had searched other things there. And now, after a few months of traveling and more than a year after he had burned Briala´s corpse, he was here. He was back on triple zero, at the heart of the galaxy. Thorne had believed he would never see this place again and if he was honest to himself he had hoped so. But he had allways known his fate would call him back here.

Suddenly Thorne felt a presence in the Force a few meters before him. Another Jedi he assumed, in the last two weeks he had heard about the return of the order to Coruscant. Now that there are new problems, the government wanted them back. On his travels, he had heard rumors about a new dark nest crisis and about suspicious activities on Mandalore. For a second he thought back the battle of Galidraan and the friends he had lost there. His hatred returned but Thorne fought it down effortlessly. Interested to see a Jedi of the New Order, Thorne looked over the heads of the beings before him and recognized a young woman maybe around thirty with brown hair. She wore a flight suit and resembled Jacen with the color of her hair and skin. Thorne asked himself if she was Jaina Solo, Jacen´s twin, who had fought her brother on the Anakin Solo. Curious how she would react, he opened himself in the force for a second and the woman turned around. He contact had been too short to be sure and after a few seconds she turned around and continued her walk. Thorne decided to follow her for a few minutes to decide how to continue. After a few meters the woman turned and walked into a small passage between two buildings. Thorne followed her carefully and did his best to hide his presence in the Force.

A purple lighting blinded him only a second later.
"Who are you?" It was her voice and his lightsaber at his throat. Throne raised his hands to show he was unarmed: "I´m not your enemy,” he pointed out and was surprised at how calm he was. "I´ve heard that before,” She told him and Thorne asked himself how she managed to react that quickly. Had he become too slow? "Me too but it´s true this time. I wanted to talk to you, nothing more." "About what?” came her answer and Thorne managed to look in her face for a moment, she was suspicious of him. He opened himself in the force: "I´m a Jedi so I guess we are on the same side. My name is Mako Thorne."
She looked up to him, "Thorne?" "I met your brother a year ago,” he said, hoping it was in fact Jaina Solo. "Are you the Jedi of the Old Order who hid on Learan?” she asked him and Thorne nodded: "I am and I will answer your questions. But please deactivate the lightsaber, you don´t need it here."

 

Five

It was dark in the lower levels of Corusant. Well, at least as dark as it could ever be in the greatest city of the galaxy. It was loud too. Louder than it was at the surface. Thousands of beings around them spoke with each other and nobody even thought about doing that in a low voice. Gaven knew this place and as basically everything on Corusant he hated it. The lower levels of Corusant were the exact opposite of the great open fields and skies of Darvin. Leah felt the same, she had been his apprentice for a bit more than a year now and she hated Corusant as much as he did.

Gaven knew that the girl looked up to him and she had started to take a lot of his world views for herself. The Jedi felt uncomfortable about this. Leah had adopted his mistrust of the other Jedi and his distaste against politics and that had isolated her from the other students. She had agreed with Gaven´s decision not to return to the Jedi temple after the order had reclaimed it and instead she lived with him and Nev. Gaven was glad about this but on the other hand he was worried. It was her life, he said to himself, if Leah preferred to stay away from the rest of the order it was her choice. For a moment, Gaven stayed where he was and waited, thinking about how far it still was. Not far, maybe a block ahead. Looking around, he observed that he had been here before at least once with Hamner and once alone.
He walked further through the crowd and thought about what lay before him. Maybe, although it was likely nothing like the other hints he had followed in the last months. Today he followed a rumor a Jedi had heard in a cantina on the other side of the planet. He had told Gaven about the Dor, an old inn on the lower regions of Corusant which was known as a meeting point for mercenaries and slavers since the days of the Old Republic.
If they could believe the rumors the Jedi had heard it served now as the unofficial headquarter of the Lost Sons. Gaven wasn´t sure what to think about this. After the events on Asterian, the Jedi had sent another team to the sector to search for the remaining lost sons but found nothing. Nobody had seen them or knew where they had gone to.
It appeared almost as if they had disappeared from the surface of the universe. Gaven had tried to find out more what had let him to a pointless search through half the galaxy. But since Thorne had arrived on Corusant, Gaven had the feeling he had to continue his search. The old man had spoken with him about the possibility that the other mercenaries knew about Jacen´s survival and that information could become a serious threat in the wrong hands. When Gaven looked up, he saw the Dor before them. The club had suffered from the Vong invasion but later it had been rebuilt to its former glory. As he stood before the entrance, Gaven wished Nev and Leah where here but they had decided not to visit the slums of Corusant again for a pointless search and instead continued their work at the freighter.
Nev had insisted in keeping the ship and now she was working with Leah to bring it back to modern standards. So he was alone, like so often in his time as a Jedi, but he assumed it was better. A man alone could easier check on a hint than three humans together. He took a deep breath and entered the building. The lobby was almost empty, a small group of humans was playing pazzak in one of the corners and the barkeeper cleaned glasses behind the counter where two aliens of a species Gaven didn´t know sat and drank.

The carpet on the floor was old and damaged. It may have been red a long time ago but now it was impossible to say. The couches around the room weren´t much better and each had a different shape and color. It looked like the entrance of an abandoned old hotel, nothing more. This was definitely not the hideout of a professional mercenary group. Gaven approached the counter and sat down as far as possible away from the aliens. After a while the barkeeper approached him, "What do you want?" Gaven thought for a moment then he imitated a light Corellian accent. "A Sidewinder Fang." The barkeeper nodded and returned a moment later with the drink. Gaven took a sip and placed a few more credits on the table than he needed to.
The barkeeper looked at him: "That´s very nice Sir. Allow me to offer you something more interesting in return." Gaven smiled a bit, "Well I would prefer some information´s instead." The man laughed, "I knew that already. It's the only reason someone comes here usually." He looked around at the lobby. A man and a woman in dirty robes walked slowly down the stairs but nothing else seemed to happen.
"What do you want to know?" "Has there been any mercenary activity here in the last weeks?" "A bit a few of the Nova force where here two days ago searching for recruits, I heard about a coming gang war. A few smaller groups had a meeting here because of it I assume, but nothing special." Gaven knew the Nova force where the mostly employed by the black sun syndicate and doubted they had any connection to the lost sons. "Have you heard anything about the bigger groups?" Gaven asked the man and tried to imitate the accent as good as he could. He human shook his head. "Nothing, most of them have left in the current crisis in the outer rim." No information about the Sons. Once again, it was nothing but a wasted evening. Gaven took another ship and threw a look at the pazzak group. They looked at him and quickly turned their heads away as his view found them. He turned back to the barkeeper and the Force warned him in the last second. The man had pulled a blaster from behind the counter and pointed it at Gaven. The Jedi felt how the two Aliens, the pazzak group and the couple drew their own weapons and pointed them at him. Gaven tried to stay calm but fear overcame him for a moment. It was a trap and like in the village, he had been blind.
"On your knees Jedi and drop your weapon,” the barkeeper commanded and Gaven saw his grin. He stood up from his chair and pretended to comply. Then while lowering his knees a bit he threw a force push at the speaker and slammed him into the wall.

A second later, Gaven had not only turned around to the others but also activated his lightsaber. As the first blaster bolts reached him, he sent them back to the soldiers. Two of them went down and Gaven jumped across the others landing among the empty couches. Blocking their fire he started to threw the furniture at them. The two aliens died as a couch dragged them into the ground while the barkeeper felt through a reflected blaster bolt. But it didn´t matter, more soldiers stormed down the stairs and into the lobby, they hadn’t bothered to wear ordinary clothes.

Gaven recognized them as lost sons the rumor had been right, they were truly on corusant, the force knew how. Gaven killed four of them but he knew he had no chance it where too many. A blaster bolt hit him in the left shoulder and he stumbled back as the pain floated through his body. He realized he would die here, on the dirty carpets of this old bar.
For a moment he thought back to Nev and how she would react to this. There were so many things he had wanted to tell her. Another mercenary died and Gaven felt how his strength left him. Nev I´m sorry.
Then he felt it, something awoke, darkness filled his mind, and hatred...

When he could see clear again, he was alone. He stood over the corpses of over twenty men, his lightsaber still in his hand. The room was completely destroyed and blood had been spilt on the walls. "Force have mercy." Gaven muttered. As he realized what had happened he broke down to his knees and started to cry.

 

Six

Jacen walked along at the beaches of Hapes. He was alone but that was okay. The wind blew through his hair and he enjoyed the fresh air around him. It was peaceful here at this small island and he liked that. He sat down on the ground and looked over the endless ocean before him. He was at peace with himself.
"Jacen?" Jacen opened his eyes and left his mediation. It had been a few weeks now since Seha had visited him, at least he assumed this. He had no other visitors since then. He saw Gaven and Jacen started to smile until he saw the look on his face. His friend looked tired and worried and Jacen could feel that something was not right with him. Gaven sat down on the small bench before the transparisteel and Jacen recognized the trace of a healing blaster wound at Gaven´s right leg. "What happened?" Jacen asked, worried. Gaven gave him a sad smile, "I run into the Lost Sons." "Is everyone alright?" For a moment Jacen was consumed by fear that Nev or Leah were dead. Gaven shook his head,
"No, I was alone and it was only a handful of them. They were on Corusant.
“They hid in the lower regions in an old mercenary hideout. Jaina and I searched through it but didn´t find much. We assume they still work for the same client and whoever that is has brought them to Corusant." Jacen shivered and placed one of his hands on the transparisteel. While he and Nev had been the captives of the mercenaries they had talked about a mysterious client who had hired them to capture or kill Jedi.

"Do you think there are still some of them out there?" Jacen asked. Gaven nodded slowly, "We think so. Groups of Jedi have found more hideouts on Corusant. We assume there where at least a few hundreds of them."
"I thought the order has left Corusant?" Jacen asked. Gaven sighed, and rolled his eyes "They returned only a few weeks ago, now that there are new crisis's around the galaxy the government wants them back. The killiks have become uneasily again and we have lost contact with both Raynar Thul and Master Sebatyne." Jacen was worried about this. He remembered Raynar Thul from the academy on Yarvin. He and Jaina had a few pranks on the arrogant student before later becoming friends. Raynar had been on Mykr with them, he remembered. "That´s terrible."
Gaven nodded, "I hope everything there will be all right, I don´t want a second swarm war." He felt sympathy for a woman who had murdered his best friend. He is a better man than I ever will be, Jacen thought. Gaven continued, "That´s not all. Daala is still on the run and the council assumes she still has connections to Mandalore. The planet is unstable right now, since the council has found hints that some Mandalorians work for or with the lost tribe of Sith, who is also still out there." The longer Jacen listened the more his sorrows grew. It seemed as if the galaxy would never get some peace.

“Do you think the lost sons are working for the tribe too?" he asked the older Jedi. Gaven shrugged, "The council believes so but I´m not sure." Jacen recognized something, "You seem to know a lot about the councils plans." Gaven looked away for a moment, "Your sister has told me some of it as we hunted down the lost sons on corusant and Thorne also told me about it." This surprised Jacen. “Thorne has returned?” he asked.
"Yeah, two weeks after we returned to corusant he arrived there." "How is he doing?" Gaven thought about his answer for a moment, "He has aged. When we met him on Learan he was strong but he lost a good deal of his powers. He still mourns Briala." For a moment Jacen felt sad when he though back to Thornes apprentice. He had only know the girl briefly but she had been nice to them and brave.
"Did he become a part of the order?" Jacen asked and Gaven nodded, "He did you can imagine the attention he got when he arrived. A Jedi of the old order, the council alone spoke three days with him. And now he is a part of the council himself." Jacen looked up, "How did he manage that?"

"Well he knows more about the old Jedi and the mysteries of the force than anyone else in the order. Luke has given him Saba´s seat as long as she is missing but I guess that when she returns he will get a permanent place in the council."
Jacen thought about this for a while, he was glad that the old man was alive. He had come to like Thorne in the month they stayed together on Learan. "And what does he think about the order?" Jacen asked. "He is surprisingly positive; he has told me that he is glad to be among other Jedi again. He hasn´t said the nicest things about some council members but he has earned their respect. He and Tionne often discuss the history of the Jedi and she has told me that she has learned quite a few things from each other. They have even taught students together now."

Jacen remembered Tionne and how she had told them about the history of the Jedi. He thought of the stories she had told them and the songs she had played for them. He could imagine her and Thorne teaching students together.
Gaven continued after a moment, "He now works together with Tionne. Luke has asked them to find out more about the dagger of Mortis." Jacen had heard about the dagger before, Gaven had told him that the order was searching for it. It was said to be the only weapon that could defeat Abeloth for good. He shivered when he though back to what Gaven had told him about this ancient being. I’m responsible for releasing her.
"Do you think they will find it?" he asked Gaven. "I don´t know. Luke has send out groups of the Jedi to search for this mysterious planet but I´m not sure if they will find something. To be honest I`m not sure if this planet even truly exits. It sounds like a myth to me."
Jacen wasn´t sure about this. On his four year travel he had heard about the planet of mortis and its ancient guardians. For a while none of them said a word. Both Jedi followed their own thoughts. Jacen was still confused about all of this.
Thorne had returned, a new dark nest was rising, then someone hired mercenaries to kill Jedi and his uncle searched for a weapon that could kill a god.

 

Seven

Jacen was reading a holoboard when Gaven entered. It detailed the history of the sector Gaven, Nev and Leah where born in. Nev had gifted it to him on his 36th naming day, Jacen wasn´t sure how accurate the book was but he assumed it was quite good. The later chapters described her own and Gaven´s war against the pirates. He looked up: "Just read about you."

An unhappy expression went over Gaven´s face for a second. The older Jedi sighed as he stepped to the transparisteel separating them. It was now a bit more than a year that Jacen had been imprisoned again but it felt shorter to him. He had spent entire days mediating and he had the feeling that his old connection to the Force was slowly returning. If he continued this way he assumed he could break the transparisteel in one or two years. But he couldn´t do that, this was his punishment, a punishment he deserved. "Are you okay?" his friend asked.

Jacen nodded, "Yeah I´m good, it was quiet since your last visit." The younger Jedi was surprised that Gaven visited him again only about two weeks since their last meeting. "And you?"
Gaven nodded too, slowly, "I´m okay."

His friend sat down on the bench before the barrier and Jacen saw that Gaven tried to find words. "What brings you here?" Jacen asked.
"He is with me." Jacen looked up and saw Jaina entering the room. It was the first time he had more than a visitor at once.

"Has something happened?" he asked, fearing what they could tell him. Had something happened on Corusant or Hapes? "

We have a new track for Mortis. Thorne has found out that several cultures in the galaxy worshipped a pantheon similar to The Ones, he was able to predict in which systems the obelisk has appeared and believes he has find something like a course. A course we can follow."

Gaven didn´t continued and Jaina stepped before the barrier. "You will come with us." For a second Jacen believed he had misunderstood her. They would let him out of his cell for a second time? He had never expected this to happen as he was more than grateful for the first time and he felt he didn´t deserved this. For a moment he tried to find out words to say. "Why?" he asked a bit stuttering after awhile.

"You have a unique connection to the Force and you´ve learned more about its mysteries on your travels than anyone else," Gaven said and Jaina gave him a short nod. Then he lowered his voice. "Thorne has spoken with Luke. He claims we need you to find this dagger."

"Why did he said this?" Jacen asked.

Gaven seemed to be as confused as Jacen was when he answered. "I don´t know. I don´t understand much about these things."
Jacen looked at Jaina, after a moment his sister answered. "Me neither. But I think you deserve this chance and this time I will be there." Once again shame felt Jacen´s hearth. I don´t deserve any of this. What I deserved was to get impaled on your lightsaber or to be locked away here for the rest of my life. He had no idea what to say, Jaina´s eyes where almost emotionless and Gaven had a sad look on his face, as he starred at the iron floor beneath his feet. "Where do we go?" Jacen finally said just to break the silence surrounding them.

"The Vean Cluster. It´s at the very edge of the galaxy deep in wild space," Jaina said. "There are no outposts but the old man says it was once inhabited by aliens who worshipped the ones. The only thing we truly know is that there are alien ruins but they crumbled to dust and are as dead as their creators. We can´t say if the planet is truly there. Maybe this entire operation turns out to be a waste of time."

Jacen felt that Jaina had a similar look on the topic. They don´t trust Thorne, he realized. Gaven had mistrusted the man from the first day Jacen remembered, it seemed that Jaina shared his opinion. Jacen trusted the old man but he also wasn´t sure if the presence of worshippers alone could indicate the presence of a planet. Even more so when the worshippers were dead for centuries."

"There is another thing," Jaina said, "We have heard rumors that the lost tribe or what is left of it has send scouts into the region. We assume they were searching for mortis too." His sister looked at him serious her arms crossed against her chest. Jacen felt the sorrow in her voice. The Sith, for a moment the memories of Caedus returned, on his fight against Jaina on the Anakin Solo during the war. Again he saw their lightsabers crossing and the hatred in her eyes and words. She had come to kill him, but in the end she had spared his life. Slowly he managed to calm himself down.

"Your alright?" Gaven asked.

Jacen nodded . "The presence of the Sith in the systems has brought our attention on it too," Gaven explained.
"Do you think they have found mortis already?" Jacen asked.

"Pray to the Force they haven´t, I don´t want to think about what they could do with the dagger." For a while they stood there in silence.

"Do we know what awaits us on mortis?" Jacen wanted to know again he pressed one of his hands against the transparisteel and looked at his friend.

Gaven shrugged. "No, nobody who has ever entered mortis has told much about it. And even if they had I won´t give much on it. The Ones, who have ruled the planet for decades are dead now. With the exception of Abeloth, maybe the planet has changed since then. The plan is that we fly to the sector and try to find the obelisk. We hope to sense it in the force. Maybe if the Sith are truly there and have found it before us we could hope to follow their signals to reach the planet. But when we are there we will have to improvise. It might be that we can´t enter the planet without using mind walking."

"Where we need your help." Jaina pointed out and tightened herself a bit. For a moment Jacen remembered his travels in the netherworld of the force and the mind walkers he had meet at the sinkhole station. He assumed he was probably the only one in the order who knew this technique.

"I think I can help you with that," he said slowly and Jaina relaxed herself again.

"When we are on the surface we will try get a basic orientation and then we must search for the dagger," Gaven continued.

"Do we know how it looks like?" Jacen asked

His friend shrugged: "No we don´t even have a hint where it might be. It won´t be easy. We might search there for days, maybe we will have to inform Corusant to sent us more Jedi for the search. But I don´t believe that´s necessary. I think when we are there the Force will guide us."

Jacen assumed that there would be very few places in the entire universe where the Force was stronger than on this planet. But that also meant that the dark side would be strong there. He shivered: "What if something happens there?" he asked frowning, his hands shivered when he thought back to the moment on Learan.

"You are not alone we will watch your back." Gaven ensured him with a weak smile and Jaina gave him a short nod "But if you don´t want to go we won´t force you," Gaven said.
For a moment Jacen thought back to the academy on Learan. On the moments in which Caedus had returned and taken control again. He remembered the second galactic civil war. The burning forests of Kashyyyk, Mara´s death and the duel on the Anakin Solo. But then he thought back to the time when he and Jaina had fought side by side. And he thought of Anakin. They still need you, His brother had told him. And he was right: Jacen knew Abeloth was still out there and he was responsible for her release. They had to stop her before they would kill even more innocents.

He stood up, "I´m coming with you." Gaven gave him a short smile, and for a second he had the feeling Jaina did too.

 

Eight

Jacen sat in the small sparing ground of the ship and watched Gaven training with Leah. The girl had changed a lot since Jacen had seen her the last time. A year ago she had been a terrified child, the sole survivor of her village. Now she was a Jedi apprentice, she had shortened her hair and started to wear the jumpsuits of the order. In her hand she held the lightsaber Jacen had granted to her, the same blade Thorne had given him on Learan.

He had used the weapon only for a brief time and of course he couldn´t keep it after their return so he had offered it to her after she had decided to become Gaven´s apprentice. Jacen was glad she was here, they only had meet for a short time but he liked her.

He looked again to their duel Gaven remained mostly defensive, blocking Leah´s attacks and giving her a chance to try out new combinations of hits. For a short moment Jacen thought back to his first sparing fight as a Jedi.
He and Tenel Ka had fought against each other when it happened. Tenel Ka´s lightsaber had a malfunction and Jacen hadn´t reacted quick enough. His friend had lost an arm that day. Jacen again felt the same pain in his chest as always when he thought of the now Queen of Hapes.

His real hand clasped around his prosthesis while he tried to calm himself down. Leah´s green and Gaven´s blue blades crossed again and his friend jumped back to avoid being hit by his apprentice attack.
Jacen wasn´t sure how he would do against any of them, in better days he would have beaten them both at the same time he knew, but this was long gone. Five years which he spent almost completely in his small cell and the loss of one arm had destroyed most of his skills. He assumed that even Leah would beat him now. A part of him wished to go to them and take part in the training but he knew it was impossible.

Things were different this time compared to the last mission he and Gaven were on. The ship wasn´t a civil freighter this time but instead a military corvette and although the crew once again didn´t knew who he truly was Jacen assumed most of them guessed it. They had treated him coldly in the last two days and behind his back he could feel the angry looks they gave him behind his back.

So he had decided to spent his time mostly with the other Jedi trying to avoid the crew as much as possible. He didn´t wanted to cause problems.

But the ship wasn´t the only thing different, after his last mission the council had become more careful and so Octa Ramis was here to have an eye on him.

Jacen hadn´t known much about here apart from the fact that she had been a member of Kyp´s squadron in the Vong war and later became the master of Seha. When Gaven had told him she was leading the mission Jacen had expected Seha would be there too, but the young woman had been knighted only a few weeks before.

Jacen moved a bit forwards as Gaven and Leah changed their roles. Now his friend focused on attacking his student while she tried to defend herself.

Once again Jacen thought back to the past to the first duel he had ever fought, on the shadow academy against what had seemed to be a projection of Darth Vader. He had lost himself in the fight back then, he had used all of his skill to beat his opponent.
Jacen shivered when he remembered how he realized whom he was fighting at the end. Jaina, his sister who had believed him to be a projection of Vader.

It had been the first time brother and sister had fought against each other. The memories of the Anakin Solo returned but Jacen shut them down. He concentrated on the present Jaina was here too and he had problems even talking to her.

In the time when he was imprisoned she had visited him several times but they never had talked that much, Jaina had always tried to cover her emotions for him. But now they were here again on a mission to safe the galaxy, like nothing had changed. But everything had, Jacen had betrayed his family killed Jaina´s mentor and brought suffering for millions of beings. How should he even talk to his sister now? He laid his hands on his knees while he still shivered. When she had visited him Jaina had usually asked him a few questions but nothing more.

What should he say to her now? That he was sorry for what he had done? Should he try to start a conversation with her about something small? Like the course of the mission? Or should he just keep quiet?
"They remind me a bit of us." Jacen looked up and saw Jaina sitting down next to him. His mouth became dry and he had no idea what he should do. He avoided looking Jaina in the eyes and starred on his knees. After while he managed to answer,
"Me too. I remembered the time when we where apprentices, on Yarvin."

"It´s sad the new Jedi can´t see it anymore," Jaina said and Jacen thought back to the destruction of the academy on Yarvin. He nodded slowly without looking in her face, sadness overcame him when he thought back to this times.
He had believed he would never fall to the dark side or betray his friends back then and yet he had done it. "I´m glad you are here," Jacen admitted and finally looked at her, he had missed his sister, despite everything that had happened between them and around them. They had been closer to each other than most other Jedi and something of this still remained.

When he looked in Jaina´s brown eyes which resembled his own he could feel the different feelings inside her. A part of her still hated him for what he did to her and the galaxy but a stronger part was his sister again. A sister who had met her long lost brother again.

Tears filled his eyes and the pain returned to his chest.
"I´m sorry," he muttered while the tears run over his face. "I´m so sorry."

His sister looked at him. At her brother, at what was left of Jacen Solo. When she hugged him Jacen started to cry even louder.

"I´ve asked myself if you truly regret what you have done," she said quiet into his ear. Her brother sobbed.

"I know it now. You are my brother, the brother I love." The pain became even stronger for him as his guilt, shame and happiness filled Jacen´s mind. He shivered in his sisters arms.
Jaina held him like a child or a wounded man. Through his pain he could feel her love. He returned the hug ignoring the pain, after many years, maybe for the first time since Mykr he felt like Jacen Solo again.

 

Nine

Leah lowered her blade and wiped the sweat from her forehead. She and Gaven had fought for hours now, she assumed. Feeling tired she sat down on the training ground.

"You´re getting better every time we practice," her master told her with a smile. Leah returned it and felt proud. She thought back to the day when she had met Gaven the first time. In the cabin, in the woods on Asterian. She had been a scared girl and now?
She was a Jedi, she could feel the force inside and around her, she had traveled to the heart of the galaxy and visited worlds she never thought to be possible with her master. Leah liked her new life but she felt guilty that she had thought little about her life on Asterian since she became an apprentice.

Gaven had told her that all Jedi went through this process and when they returned to their homeworld they often felt out of place there. Leah asked herself if she would forget the forests and hills of her youth one day too.
But the Jedi were her family now, especially Gaven, he had shown her the galaxy and her potential in it. He and Nev treated her as the daughter they never had. Leah loved them for that but also tried not to forget her real parents over them. Gaven had told her that she would always be a part of his family and he would be there for her whenever she would need him. Leah had promised him the same not as his student but as his friend.

"Thought I might find you here," Leah looked up and saw Nev entering the room giving her a little smile. She sat down next to Gaven, "I woke up and you were gone." "Couldn´t sleep," Gaven admitted. "Again?" Nev asked and Leah knew what she meant, something had changed in Gaven´s behavior in the last weeks, since the day the lost sons had attacked him. Her master seemed to be restless and worried.

Gaven nodded slowly and for a moment he looked at Jacen and Jaina. Leah followed him and saw that the siblings were quietly talking with each other. Jacen had cried, and she could see the tears left on his face.

She had only met Jacen for a short time a year ago but she had liked him and his inner conflict had saddened her. Later when Gaven had told her who Jacen was she hadn´t believed it at first. This friendly young man who gave her his lightsaber had been a Sith? She remembered the stories she had heard in her childhood, when her mother had often threatened that the Sith would take stubborn little girls at night. But when she was older her mother had told her about the cruel things the Sith had done in the galaxy.

She had always imagined the Sith as monsters, aliens who wear dark robes and spoke with loud, dark voices. Nothing like the young man she had met, but Jacen wasn´t a Sith anymore. At the end he had decided to save the life of his daughter instead of his own. He had been ready to die for her but his sister had spared his life.

Leah looked at her for a moment. She had laid her hands at Jacen´s shoulders and tried to calm him down.

Leah admired her. Jacen´s sister was one of the greatest Jedi in the order and unlike others she had never given up her ideals, the ideals of a true Jedi. The apprentice hoped she could be like her one day and she trained hard to become a better fighter.
Gaven had encouraged her with this and she was glad about it. He never would force her to do anything she didn´t want, she knew, so he was proud at her determination. For a moment Leah asked herself I she should speak to Jaina and tell her how much she admired her, but she felt shy about it. What if Jaina would react coldly to her? Or if she felt annoyed by the apprentice? She felt bad about her cowardice.

"You look up to Jaina?" Nev suddenly asked her.

She turned to her and felt how her face turned red. "Yes, she is a great Jedi. I wish I could be like her."

"Maybe you will be one day, you learned a lot in the last year." Gaven said and Leah felt proud as she laid on of her hands on her lightsaber.

"I want to speak to her, but I´m a little scared." She admitted to her master. Gaven gave her the same understanding look he had given her the day he found her in the cabin.

"There is no need for you to be afraid. Jaina has forgiven her brother for becoming a Sith. She won´t kill you for asking her a few questions." Nev smiled and Leah looked again at the siblings. Jacen had calmed himself down and they talked to each other quietly.

"Do you think I can just speak to her now?" she asked Gaven nervously. She didn´t wanted to interrupt the twins now.

"Go ahead, if they don´t want to talk they will tell you."

Leah stood up and walked slowly towards them, while she remembered the stories she had heard about Jaina in the temple. The woman had fought against the most dangerous enemies the order had faced and won every time. She was a hero, for the Jedi and the galaxy alike.

Standing next to them Leah thought about how to start. She took a deep breath and turned towards them. Jacen looked up to her and Leah saw the tears drying on his skin. He looked confused but below that Leah could feel happiness inside him. "Can we do something for you?" he asked her in a friendly tone.

Leah wasn´t sure what to say at first but she calmed herself down, "I wanted to talk to your sister."

Jacen looked at Jaina, who gave Leah a smile. "Sure, about what?" With growing confidence Leah sat down next to the twins. Jacen stood up and walked towards her master. Leah knew he would talk with his friends about what happened.
"I´ve heard so many stories about you since I have joined the Jedi order. You are a hero. I can´t believe I´m talking with you right now."

Jaina laughed and laid one of her hands on Leah´s shoulder, "I´m just a Jedi like you are. Don´t be afraid. Gaven has told me that you are a talented apprentice. I´m sure they will one day talk about you as well."

Pride filled Leah´s body and she smiled. Jaina Solo believed she would become a great Jedi. She needed a moment before she answered, "Thanks master Solo."

Jaina laughed again. "Just call me Jaina. I´m still trying to get used to this title." Leah remembered that Jaina was part of the council now. Gaven once had mentioned she was the only person in it that deserved the position.

"Your master is a great Jedi, you know?" Jaina suddenly asked her. Leah replied almost immediately, "He is, he has taught me a lot, not only how to use my powers but also why. He is very kind."

"Gaven has been there for Jacen while nobody else was." Jaina pointed out and her face became sad for a moment. "All this time I asked myself if my brother was truly alive, or if the Sith inside him was fooling me. I wasn´t there for him when he needed me the most, but Gaven was."

Leah was surprised that Jaina told her this, she was just an apprentice. But she decided to respond to it. "Don´t blame yourself, you did what you could. You spared Jacen´s life, despite everyone wanting to kill him. You are the one who saved him."

 

Ten

When the alarm floated through the ship, Jacen looked up. They had left the hyperspace only a few minutes ago and he had expected they would meet with Octa Ramis soon to discuss how they should continue their search for Mortis. The first hits reached the ship only seconds after the alarm. Jacen landed on the ground as the floor was shaking beneath his feet.

Nev landed next to him while Gaven barely managed to keep his balance.
"Nine Hells of Corellia," Gaven cursed, while he helped Nev back on her feet. Jacen threw a panicked look at Jaina who was doing the same for Leah.

He grabbed Gaven´s hand and his friend pulled him up, "Are you okay?" His friend asked him as Jaina approached them.

Jacen gave him a short nod and tried to understand what was happening, while the next salvo hit the ship. Having experienced several spaceship battles, Jacen´s intuition told him that this was more than the usual pirate attack. Someone with considerable firepower attacked them.

Jaina activated her comlink and a miniature version of Master Ramis appeared before them.
"What is happening? Who attacks us?" His sister asked much more confident as Jacen felt.
He realized that his hand were shaking and he instinctively reached for his lightsaber only to once again realize it wasn´t there. Jacen took a deep breath to calm himself down, like he always did before a battle since he was a boy.

"We are not sure." Ramis answered as the floor erupted again, "A considerable fleet has just appeared before us."

Jacen offered his prosthetic hand to Leah who had lost her balance in the attack, then asked he, "Have they sent any messages?"

The hologram shook her head, "Nothing, they just opened fire the second they appeared."
"They waited for us." Jaina concluded. "It´s a trap. How bad is it?" Jacen realized that Leah was shivering and laid his hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes, giving her strength like Gaven had done for him several times.

"Shields are holding, but they won´t last much longer. We don´t have a chance." Jacen saw the fear in Leah´s eyes as he felt it in his own heart. Would they die here? He didn´t care for his own life, but for the others. They were had come here to help him, to be at his side.

"Can you get us out?" Gaven asked and Jacen was impressed how calm he was.
Octa´s face showed her worries.

"We are trying but it seems they have an interdictor on their ships. We are trying to get out of its reach, then we have a chance. I will also send an emergency signal."

A new salvo hit them and the hologram started to flicker.

"How could this happen?" Nev asked and Jacen realized that she fought her own panic. "Weren´t this coordinates supposed to be safe?"

Octa didn´t answered and the connection broke seconds later. For a few seconds the humans stared at each other, trying to realize what had happened in the last hundred and eighty seconds. The alarm still rang through the ship and the time between the hits became lesser and lesser. Their enemies, whoever they were, came closer.

Jacen managed to calm himself down. "We should head to the bridge and see if we can help."
Jaina nodded and they left the training room. As the hastened through the corridor Jacen suddenly stopped, confused. The enemy fire had stopped and the ship was quiet again.

He turned to his sister. "Have we made the jump?" Jaina seemed to be as confused as he was. The sound of an explosion a deck beneath them filled the corridor.

"That wasn´t laser fire," Gaven pointed out and Jacen had a terrible thought.

They are here for me. Their enemies whoever they were tried to board the ship. Were they searching for him? He followed Gaven and Jaina as they made their way through the corridor and wished he would have his lightsaber with him. Of course he had lost most of his fighting skill in the five years in his cell but then he would at least been able to protect himself. Now he was helpless.

A door before them erupted and broke open as several soldiers entered the corridor. Jacen was surprised to recognize them as storm troopers in their white armor plates. For a second he looked to Jaina. She was even more confused as the soldiers opened fire at them. A blaster bolt almost hit Jacen in the shoulder and he threw himself to the ground instinctively.

Nev who was also unarmed cowered next to him as the Jedi activated their lightsabers. Jaina´s purple and Gaven´s blue blades created a shield that send the blaster bolts back to the soldiers. Leah stayed behind them shielding Jacen and Nev, it was over only a few seconds later.
The five soldiers who had attacked them all had died by their own reflected blaster bolts. The Jedi kept their lightsabers active as their examined the corpses.

"Do they belong to the remnant?" Gaven asked Jaina.

"I don´t know," she admitted. "Maybe they are traitors who belong to Daala."

"We have heard about Sith activity in this sector. Could Daala or a rogue imperial commander work with the lost tribe?" Gaven asked her while Nev and Jacen both armed themselves with a blaster.
Jacen disliked using blasters but he wanted to help his friends. Jaina gave him a short questioning look as he grabbed the weapon, before she gave him a short nod and answered Gaven´s question, "Everything is possible I guess."

"We should find master Ramis." Jacen said and his sister nodded.

They hadn´t made ten steps as a group of alliance soldiers entered the corridor, with several storm troopers were behind them. Jaina slammed the imperial to the ground with a Force push giving the soldiers time to turn around and return the fire. Jacen was still to confused to shoot. This group of imperials was larger than the last and the corridor was filled with blaster fire.

For a moment Jacen´s thoughts returned to the day the imperials had kidnapped him and Jaina for the Shadow Academy. Then he concentrated on the presence and used a Force push himself to bring a group of enemies to the ground before firing a few shoots with his blaster.

When Leah suddenly screamed in pain Jacen turned around to her, praying to the Force. Gaven´s student was stumbling back, her face filled with pain.

Without a second thought Jacen stepped before her, shielding her with his body while continuing the fire. He felt the fear in Gaven´s heart and the moment of hatred that followed. Seconds later the last imperial died through the older Jedi´s blade. Jacen had already turned around and knelt down next to Leah. A bolt had hit her in the shoulder and Jacen thanked the Force it wasn´t a lethal wound. He saw how Leah fought against the pain and the tears in her eyes, she was brave. Nev was on her knees next to Leah while Jaina and the soldiers secured the corridor. Jacen reached out in the force to give Leah strength and to lessen the pain.

"This is Octa Ramis." The voice of the council member suddenly filled the corridor. "The ship has gotten overrun. We must evacuate. The ship is lost."

 

Eleven

For a moment nobody of them said a word. They all knew what Octa Ramis´s words meant.

The soldiers reacted first and left through one of the several doors in the corridor.

"We must go," Jaina said, but Gaven turned to her. "Leah is wounded. She needs bacta."

Jaina nodded slowly. "We may not be able to get to the infirmary any more. But I have a medic pack in my quarters."

Jacen tried his best to remember the structure of the vessel. He knew the drop pods weren´t far from here, only a few stairs down on the lowest level of the corvette. But their quarter were above them, and he had no idea what was going on there now.

"Can you get Leah down to the drop pods?" his sister asked Gaven and Nev. Leah´s master nodded.
"I will go and find the bacta. We meet down there," Jaina told him and Jacen felt the worries in her voice. Leah´s wound wasn´t critical, but very painful and without bacta it might become worse. Leah needed help.

"You are going alone?" Nev asked Jaina. His sisters answered, "I´ve been through worse than a few imperials. Don´t worry." She activated her blade and left through the door the imperials had come through.

Jacen turned again to Leah. He felt the pain the girl was suffering and the fear in her eyes. "Can you stand?" Jacen asked her.

She tried her best not to cry as she nodded. Jacen helped her up and Gaven opened the door the soldiers had disappeared through. Gaven came first, his lightsaber raised against any potential danger, while behind him Jacen tried his best to ease the pale Leah´s pain.

Nev came through last, watching over her shoulder. Every step was painful for Leah and despite Jacen´s best efforts he wasn´t able to make it much better. But Gaven´s apprentice was brave, she didn´t weep and continued walking. When they reached the lower deck Jacen felt the relief inside her.
Suddenly blaster fire was around them. A group of soldiers had been waiting in the corridor before them. Jacen saw how Gaven raised his lightsaber to protect him and Leah against the fire. Jacen was surprised how quickly his friend had calmed himself down.

He keeps his dark emotions under control. Jacen remembered the stories Gaven had told him about his youth. His friend had admitted losing himself in battle more than once. Only his love for Nev had kept him from falling completely into bloodlust.

"Like your love for Allana saved you," he had told Jacen that day. Jacen felt ashamed about this. It had been said love, his misguided love that had created Caedus. Jaina had saved him and Gaven but in a different way. He knew he could never repay what he owed to these and the fact that they asked for nothing in return made it even more noble. I will not disappoint them.


His thoughts returned to the present as Leah collapsed against the wall next to him. Jacen felt a new wave of pain floating through her body, and he felt how her consciousness started to fade. She was not in mortal danger but the pain overwhelmed her. Impressed how long she had fought against it Jacen knelt down next to her while Gaven and Nev killed the remaining soldiers. After the fight was over they returned to Jacen.

"How far is it to the drop pods?" Jacen asked.

"We are almost there. Let´s hope there is still a usable one in the bay. Nev, can you take Leah?" Gaven answered. Jacen was impressed how easily Nev carried Leah in her arms. He knew his friend had been a soldier but she still seemed to take care of her.

The whole way to the drop pods Jacen prayed to the Force they wouldn´t meet more imperials and it came true, but he also worried what this would mean for Jaina. She is strong, she has been through worse, he reminded himself and for a short moment the scar on his chest tingled.

They reached the room with the drop pods. Jaina wasn´t there but most of the drop pods were still waiting. The one they chose was a bit bigger than usual. It contained two benches at the sides on one of which Nev laid Leah. The girl was still unconscious.

"Can you sense Jaina in the Force?" Nev then asked Jacen. He couldn´t, at least not like he had been able to when he was a child, when he had always known were Jaina was. Jacen closed his eyes and reached out in the force. He felt Gaven´s presence next to him and Leah´s. Nev´s was a bit weaker and when he reached out he felt Jaina. She was on the way back to them but several other presences were around her.

A blaster bolt ended Jacen´s concentration before he could see more. The live pod bay was a large room with two entrances and through one a group of storm troopers fired at them. Gaven was already on his way to them and Nev returned the fire. Jacen raised his own blaster but he feared he would hit Gaven. Instead he concentrated again and threw a force push against the attackers. Gaven used this distraction to overcome the distance to the imperials and before they managed to get back on their feet he was among them.

Jacen heard the screams as the men died around him. Old memories returned. Memories of battle and death he fought down to stay concentrated. The force warned him in the last moment as more imperials entered the bay through the other door. Jacen threw himself to the ground and behind a beam.

Then he returned the fire. He killed one man he saw but his abilities with the weapon had never been good. Nev also realized the new threat and fired back with more success, but the imperials vastly outnumbered them. Blaster fire filled the entire room and Jacen prayed no hits would find their way into the pod and to Leah.

More and more storm troopers entered the room and Jacen knew they had no time left. If they would go on board now they could escape, but then they would have to leave Jaina behind. There had been a time were Jacen had sacrificed her, he knew where he had argued that there was no way to save her. But he also knew were this had led him.

Suddenly a rain of sparks filled the air and both Jacen and the soldiers turned their heads to the ceiling for a moment. When Jacen realized what was happening he stood up and fired almost blindly at the imperials. A second later a small part of the ceiling crashed on the ground, and another second until Jaina landed on the floor of the room. The imperials reacted quickly and opened fire at their new target and on the Jacen. It was too many. He knew, even with Jaina´s help they couldn´t drive all of them back, not without him and Nev dying.

"Jacen!" Jaina screamed as the blaster fire got closer.

She threw something in his direction, something he had known once very well, something of the past, something he had almost forgotten about, something for Jacen Solo. The green blade of his lightsaber filled his sight for a second as he activated the weapon. He stepped forward, reflecting the fire and covering Nev. Jaina was moving towards him, as was Gaven. Jacen slammed several blaster bolts back while Nev entered the pod.

Jaina had reached him and for a moment the twins fought again back to back, reflecting the fire. When Gaven reached them the three Jedi slowly retreated and entered the pod. Jacen send a last blaster bolt back as Jaina slammed her fist on the activation button.

The drop pods door closed and they left the corvette, the drop pod slipping into the dark void between the stars.

 

I really like how you're exploring this aspect of Jacen. Here in this story he gets a chance to deal with the damage he caused and a chance to start a whole new life. I especially like the way he is rebuilding his relationship with his sister.

I think Jacen is relearning how to show kindheartedness and compassion from Gaven and Nev. He has humbled himself so that he can build a new identity for himself.

 

Finally caught up again with this! It seems Gaven is able to use the 'dark' without it consuming him...he and Jacen need to have a chat about how to do that. Fun to see Jacen and Jaina fighting together again! Although, he's so far out of practice I'm amazed he didn't lop off his other arm!

Thanks!

 

divapilot I´m glad you enjoy the story. Yeah Jacen got a second chance and he can use it become a better person. I was really looking forward to his interactions with Jaina in the second part of the story. Their relationship was one of my favourite parts in the books and I was sad how it got destroyed. Rebuilding it is defenetly a huge step for Jacen.
Jacen has learned a lot from Gaven I guess, Gaven and Nev where kind to him when nobody else was. Gaven talked to him, listended to him and Jacen has learned from that.

SiouxFan I´m glad you are still reading and likeing it. Well Gaven can´t controll this, it´s more a struggle against it. But I think he will at some point talk to Jacen about it.
I´m glad you liked the Solo twins reunited, I really missed that a lot in the later books.

 

divapilot, SiouxFan Thanks for your comments.

Twelve

"What about the others?" Jacen asked.

It was the first time someone spoke since they had left the ship. Nev was tending Leah´s wounds with bacta while Gaven stood at the window of the escape pod and stared outside. Jacen sat the other end, his back resting against the cold steel of the door.
He still held his lightsaber in his hands, his fingers exploring the weapon. His lightsaber was the weapon he had created as a child on Yavin. Twenty years had passed since then but Jacen felt like a millennium had passed. This was the weapon that had cut of Tenel Ka´s arm, the weapon that had killed the voxyn queen, the weapon that killed Mara. Jacen shivered and the weapon landed on the ground.

"I can´t sense Octa somewhere around us," Jaina told them. His sister sat on the other bench, her eyes closed. Jacen felt how she reached out in the force.

"There are other pods out there," Gaven said while he starred into the darkness. "Maybe Master Ramis is on one of them."

Jacen recognized the bitterness in Gaven´s voice. His friend was once again the concentrated soldier and leader he had been in his youth.

"What about the imperials?" Jaina asked.

"They have split up their fleet. Guess they are searching for the pods but here are a few asteroids that give us cover," Gaven replied.

"Do you know where we are?" Jacen wanted to know while he looked at his lightsaber before him.

Questioning, Gaven looked to Jaina who shrugged, "Not really, Master Ramis took care of that. We are somewhere in the Vean Cluster, far away from any civilization."

Jacen shivered when he thought about this. Lost in the endless void between the stars. In a unarmed pod surrounded by an entire battle fleet. Would they die here? His own life didn´t meant much to him but he prayed to the Force that the others wouldn´t have to die for accompanying him.

His thoughts returned to the conversation he had with Jaina only half an hour ago. Jacen still couldn´t believe she had forgiven him, and not only that his sister still loved him, despite the things that had happened between them. Despite Mara´s death, despite Kashyyyk, despite the Anakin Solo. It filled him with joy but also with shame: he had become a Sith, had thrown the galaxy in another bloody civil war and threatened the lives of billions. But his sister still loved him. He wished he had talked to her in that days, he wished he had told her about the visions Lumiya had shown him. He wished he had already known Gaven at that time. They would have found a way he knew. A way to prevent all of it.

But he also knew, as certain as he had denied it before, that Gaven and Jaina were right, he was Jacen Solo. He was still the same boy who had tried to win Tenel Ka´s attention with his bad jokes on Yarvin. His parents believed that the real Jacen had died fighting Onimi, they had hoped for it and Jacen had thought the same. But Jaina was right, as was Gaven, he was still Jacen Solo.

Again he stared at the lightsaber before him. Should he take it?

"You should." Jaina´s voice brought him back into the present. Jacen looked up to his sister, she sat down next to him and gave him a friendly nod.

Unsure if she had been able to read his thoughts, Jacen reached out for his lightsaber with his real hand. The weapon felt cold in his fist but also known, this was his sword. The weapon of a Jedi knight. No the symbol of the Jedi Knights.

"Do you remember how you found the crystal for it?" she asked him and Jacen smiled for a moment, when he thought back to that day.

They had visited Lando at the Orbit of Yarvin where he had a new business with the crystal created on the surface of the gas planet. Jacen had been the only one of them who had managed to get a crystal that day and he had offered to his mother as a present. But Leia had given it back to him, for his lightsaber.

"That day Uncle Luke caught me in his office as I was searching for his lightsaber," He told her, "I really wanted to have my own already but he told me it wasn´t a plaything but a weapon, something to be careful with."

Jacen was surprised how calm he was, telling this. When he had thought back to his youth in the last years he had felt nothing more than regret over what he had lost and desperation for what he had become. But now he felt only a little sad.

"He once caught me doing the same," Jaina admitted, her left hand resting on her lightsaber. "But when the shadow academy tricked us in fighting against each other I realized that this wasn´t a game. I wanted to be more careful, more responsible."
For a moment she said nothing while Jacen thought back to the last duel they fought against each other. He thought about saying something but his mouth felt dry.

"I thought back to that day, on the Anakin Solo." Jaina suddenly said and Jacen looked up to her. It was the first time that she had brought up this subject.


"The Sword of the Jedi? This was what they call me. They said it´s my destiny to kill the enemies of the order. And I did that for so many years, and that day on the ship, I was willing to kill you."

Jacen saw tears in her eyes as she continued, "You begged me to stop but I refused to hear. I demanded your death, my brother's death. I almost killed you."

This time it was Jacen who laid his hand on her shoulder. "It´s okay, you did what you thought was best."

"But it wasn´t," Jaina replied. "Our parents, Uncle Luke they all said you were beyond redemption. That´s not true."

"You spared my life at the end." Jacen remained her gently.

She nodded slowly, "Yeah, I felt how the dark side left you in this moment and I thought back to the shadow academy. I realized that you were still my brother and I love you."

Jacen didn´t knew how to answer, he still couldn't believe what his sister had told him. He knew he didn´t deserve her friendliness. But he was also thankful, thankful that his sister didn´t hate him but in fact still loved him.

Tears filled his eyes as he turned to her, "Thanks Jaina. This means more to me than I can ever express. You are my sister and a far greater Jedi than I ever will be. You have saved me from the darkness inside me and gave me this second chance in life. No matter what happens I will always love you."

Jaina gave him a smile, "As I do, Jacen."

When the siblings hugged this time Jacen didn´t felt any pain but happiness inside his heart.

 

The thing that rings truest in your story is the idea that this a family re-learning how to care for each other, rediscovering that they had always loved each other, and trying to find their ways back to each other. It's interesting that while Jacen obviously feels tremendous guilt over what he has done, he isn't alone. Jaina also feels guilt that she almost killed her own brother. I think in a weird way that helps them to rebuild their connection.

 

"Our parents, Uncle Luke they all said you were beyond redemption. That´s not true."

I could never understand how Jacen's parents gave up on him so easily. It just seemed so OOC for Leia. I really like 'your' Jaina in this...she has the soul that she was lacking in pro-fic...and it's nice to read. Pity they're going to die in the middle of nowhere.

 

divapilot It defenetly helps them, they both have forgiven each other, now they can rebuild their relationship.

SiouxFan Yeah that was sick, I really lost my respect for the OT main characters in LoF. I`m glad you like my take on Jaina. I hated what the later books did with her.

Thirteen

Gaven stared out of the small window of the drop pod. In any direction he could see the stars, billions of small lightning points in the darkness of the universe. When he had seen this for the first time, decades ago on his first space travel, he had felt alone, alone and meaningless before the infinity of the space.

Now he felt the same. Once again he had realized how huge the void was and how far apart the beacons of light. Asteroids filled most of his sight and Gaven prayed to the force they wouldn´t crash into one. Between the asteroids he saw other lights, smaller than the stars, meaningless compared to them.

Tie Fighters, several squadrons. Gaven knew they searched for pods. Some of the fighters had been destroyed by the asteroids around them but most were able to avoid a collision. Gaven had lost the other pods out of his sight several minutes ago and he had no idea if they were still out there.

Once again he thought back to the fight on the corvette, how he had almost lost control again. Like the day on the lower levels of Corusant. It had always been there, he knew, a part of him that wanted to fight. In the time when he had fought against the pirates he had lost himself, he had only cared about killing for a time. About bringing justice as he had called it, as if another name would make murdering more heroic. He had fought and killed, driving away those close to him, even Nev. Until that day on Asterian, were he had shot this poor girl and realized how deep he had fallen. He had been a boy from a peaceful tribe but he had become a warrior as brutal as the pirates he fought. Gaven had known that he had to change his life after that and so he became a Jedi. He had started to suppress his emotions, all of them.

He had tried to forget Nev, to forget his past, and for a time he had believed he could. The Jedi had sent him mostly on mission where they didn´t expected a fight and he had tried his best to avoid violence as good as possible. But then Kenth had died. In the drop pod Gaven´s hand fastened around his lightsaber, Hamner´s lightsaber, which he used since that day. And to the sadness and hatred that had followed it. He had tried to suppress his emotions again, but meeting Jacen, seeing Nev again and taking care for Leah had made it impossible.

He felt happier now, again free to feel his feelings, but he was also worried. The dark side was always a threat and what Thorne and Jacen had told him had scared Gaven. He feared he could fall again, become the slaughterer he had been.

"You are struggling with the dark side, right?" Returning to the present Gaven looked up and saw Jaina next to him.

He shivered. Had he become so easy to read? He remembered how easy it was for him to read Jacen´s mind when they had first met. He nodded slowly, still staring out of the window.

"Nev has told me," Jaina admitted, "She is worried about you. She has told me about the time before you became a Jedi." Gaven was surprised by this. Nev was talking to Jaina? Had he changed so much in the last weeks? "At first I wasn´t sure," Jacen´s sister continued, "but I saw you fighting, on the corvette."

For a moment Gaven said nothing, then he decided to trust her.

"The day in the village, where we found Leah, the Lost Sons had slaughtered the entire population to lure Jedi to them. I was devastated and hatred grew inside me. I lost the control when one of them shoot Briala in the head. I raged out, I attacked them, I didn´t cared about my life, I just wanted to kill them. I didn´t care for the others anymore, just for revenge. Then I meet Leah and managed to calm myself down, but when I again fought the sons on Corusant the hatred returned and again today."

He stopped for a moment gazing at a star in the distance. "What is happening to me?" he asked Jaina and his voice felt powerless. Jaina laid a hand on his shoulder, like Nev always did when he was disturbed.

"It´s the dark side, you have been a warrior. You have killed people, pirates, slavers. They were evil, they had attacked innocents, killed or hurt people you loved. Killing them felt like justice for you." That was true, Gaven realized, he believed killing the pirates was the right thing.

"A part of you want to do the same with the Lost Sons and other enemies." It wasn´t a question, it was a statement but Gaven knew it was true. A part of him wanted to make them pay for what they had done. For the villagers, for Briala, for the torture of Jacen and Nev. He had told himself it would be justice, but it wasn´t it was slaughter: Suddenly he felt disgusted by himself.

"You.. You are right," He told her needlessly. "I´m using the crimes they commit as an excuse. I´m a monster."

"You´re not," Jacen told him he and Nev sat together on a bench and Gaven realized they had listened to them the whole time. "You have a good heart, you want to do the right thing. You have helped me when I thought there was no hope. You are not a monster, just a human."

"But I have killed them, I´ve lost control," Gaven replied, still shivering.

"It´s the dark side, it´s tempting you, it´s trying to take control over your actions. It happens to every Jedi, even the best of us," Jaina told him and for a moment her eyes blinked to her brother. Gaven felt more insecure than ever before since he had become a Jedi.

"What can I do?" he asked quietly.

"Let go of your hatred, accept that there are things in the galaxy you can´t change. No one requires you to solve every problem in the universe. You are my friend, you saved me from myself, not because you are a warrior but because you have a good heart. Never forget that." While Jacen spoke Gaven sat down slowly with his back resting against the window.

"We are Jedi," his friend continued. "We are keepers of peace, we heal, we learn. And you are a better Jedi than I ever will be." Gaven thoughts ran through his mind. Jacen was right he knew. He wasn´t a warrior anymore. And he didn´t needed to be, Jacen had burdened himself with the weight of the galaxy and it had let him into the darkness. He wouldn´t follow the same path, he decided.

Gaven managed a weak smile. "Thanks, I tried so hard to be a Jedi, to do the right thing and was blind to the danger it brought."

"The same happened to me, years ago," Jaina admitted. "During the Vong war after Anakin had died, I believed Jacen was dead too and I lost myself. I only cared about revenge and killing the enemies of the order. I fell to the dark side for a time."

"But you came back," Jacen told her.

"As you did, brother," She replied, than she turned to Gaven. "You are not alone. We are your friends and we are here for you."

 

"You are not alone." I think this is what we lost after NJO. That friends don't let friends turn Sith.
Nice chapter.