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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond the Saga The Edge of the Galaxy Prologue

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Darthmagus970, Feb 23, 2017.

  1. Darthmagus970

    Darthmagus970 Jedi Knight

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    Based 900 years after the Battle of Yavin. The Republic still established and The Jedi and Sith orders are still part of the fate of the Galaxy.




    “Koldof, I need you on the bridge.” The voice of Selna commanded over the comm in my meditation chamber. I began to stand up in the room that was pitch black. My lightsaber rubbed against the clothing and armor that covered my body. I walked to the door, my footsteps loudly stomping on the ground. I was a larger being, as I was a mix of many different species. I wasn’t born, but created. My body was strong from a mix of Wookie and Trandoshian. My face resembled human as that was put into my DNA. Lastly my eyes were red from Chiss DNA to give me the mind that challenge even the greatest. The door slid open to reveal that the chamber was empty and only held the glimmer that came from the smooth black floor. The walls were only lighter in the fact that they were grey. No light lived in the ceiling. I walked out and passed the soldiers that lived on the ship. Dark grey armor that resembled the Stormtroopers of the old Empire from hundreds of years ago. I made it to the bridge and the doors slid open. Selna Halet, the leader of the Republic, stood at the viewport looking out. Her hair was grey and in a braid. She was fifty-three years of age, but had the experience of twice that. Next to her stood that damn Rodian, Sabe Shuln. He was grand General for the Republic and tried to undermine me at every chance. I walked up to the two leaders.

    “What did you need madam Halet?” I asked of her.

    “We received word that the Jedi were aware of the weapon and are trying to find a way to destroy it.” She said as she turned to face me. She looked aged. Her eyes were a pale blue color.

    “You want me to hunt them down?” I said.

    “Yes. There is only news of one. A Coll. Hopefully easy to find on the planet of Clala. You will go there and kill him. That is where he is hiding out and getting information. You will be provided with the tokens that the planet uses which is on a ship is in the hangar waiting for you. I want you to leave as soon as possible. Make sure the veil of the Jedi is torn apart, Koldof.” She finished.

    “Yes madam Halet.” I said and walked down to the hangar to hunt down the evil Jedi.


    Clala was a planet that was reminiscent of Scarif and Coruscant. The cities were not close to the size, but similar in density. I was in the area where the city and the rural met. A planet that most beings would want to live on. I wasn’t here for pleasure though. I needed to find the Jedi scum.

    The information I went over on the shuttle said that they were staying in a hotel. One that only scum went to. It was called the Fallen Star. Not too far from where I landed, it should take only a few minutes to get there. I carried my lightsabers under my cloak so that they didn’t grab any attention. The weapons weren’t too common in the galaxy, but some would still notice them. One issue was of my appearance. I’ve been hunting Jedi for six years now and they know my face. I needed to sneak up on them.

    Beings selling different goods lined the streets. Fruits and goods were being sold. Buildings surrounded you. Some were tall and others stood just a few feet higher than I. Looking around, I noticed three beings. Nothing was odd about them except their faces. They had no expression, almost too little expression. I also felt anxiety. Faint but there. I noticed it behind me as well. My footsteps halted and I stood. My hands grabbed my sabers from underneath my clothes.

    “Jedi.” I said while staring at the group in front of me. They stopped and looked at me. Movement picked up behind me. Two of them. I activated my black bladed saber and blocked the blow from his. The other one didn’t have a lightsaber, but a blade. I threw my other lightsaber into the air. My hands had thick enough skin to block it, so I wrapped my fingers around the blade and threw him away. Then caught my saber and smashed the inactivated hilt into the face of the one that’s lightsaber was connected to mine. Blue blood squirted out. A Rodian. I hadn’t taken enough time to assess what species they were. The other three must have been shocked at what just happened and just stood there. I activated my other lightsaber. A white blade.

    “Afraid?” I asked them. They then pulled out their weapons and I got a good look at them. A female Twi’lek with pink skin and a green lightsaber. One male human with a force blade. Lastly a male Bothan also with a force blade. The force blades became common as the Republic took control of the know Kyber planets and an easily produced metal that could resist lightsabers was created. The Bothan jumped at me and met my white blade with his metal one. I quickly cut him down by stabbing him in the chest with my other saber. I stood and waited for the two others to move. Then the Twi’lek nodded and both jumped at me. The three of us engaged in a fierce, yet quick battle.

    The Twi’lek’s green saber matched my black one and the human met my white. Our weapons slashed at each other and tried to find a weakness. The human showed a major flaw and I exploited it. His head tumbled to the ground with the sound of skin hissing. I brought both sabers down onto the one green. I held the white blade with weight onto her lightsaber and slammed the black into it over and over. She held her ground for maybe a few seconds and collapsed. The weapon flew from her hands and I held both blades on either side of her head.
    “If you want to kill…” was all she got out before I silenced her. The body slumped and the head rolled with Lekku laying on the ground. I then remembered the other Jedi, the one I knocked away earlier. Looking back, I saw the being on the ground unconscious. With my hand outstretched, I called for the body to come to me. My hand clasped its throat. A heartbeat. I looked at the Jedi, a Mal-Tor. Purple skin and dark hair. Long dark hair. A female. I felt the heart quicken and the eyes shot open. A beautiful blue color. If I could feel it, I could probably fall in love with her. But I didn’t feel that emotion. Just duty. She started beating at my arms and reached for my chest. My arm was too far away for her to reach it. Gurgling started to come out as I started to tighten my grip. Death started to show in those blue eyes. Then a crunch and the body fell limp. A thud met the body as it hit the ground. I looked at it and then picked up the two lightsabers that the Jedi had. I always carried a small satchel so that I could return with any lightsabers I came across.

    The streets had cleared because of the fight. I made my way and came across the place. Fallen Star was in a large sign on top of the two-story building. The front doors were standard and slid open once I walked towards them. Inside was empty except for a few smugglers and other undesirables. A bar was on the right and I saw him. Orange skin and white hair sitting on a bar stool.

    “Quyon is it?” I asked and he turned. The lightsaber was already in his hands, but not activated. He slowly stood up.

    “Koldof Elbane, the head of the Dark Hand.” He said. I nodded my head.
    “You are aware of something that we have. If you come with me, maybe we can give you a quick death or even a spot in the Dark Hand.” I told him, none of what I said being true except him having information.

    “The Force Breaker, or whatever the name is. A new Death Star. You know how those turn out.” He said mockingly.

    “It doesn’t matter. You won’t be able to get the information to your orders.” I replied.

    “Why is that?”

    “Because it’s just you and I…” I felt a leap towards me and my hand shot into its direction. A Mon Calamari. No lightsaber, just a blade. It squirmed with my hand on the top of its head and my other hand on his weapon. I squeezed until the body fell from the clump that was a head. I looked back at the young Jedi. His face looked yellow now. A surge of anger and then sadness could be felt through him.

    “Come and kill me.” I mocked at him.

    “You bastard.” He yelled and then tried to force push me. I brought up my hands and he had pushed me only a foot back. I looked and he started to back away.

    “You know that wouldn’t work.” I said.

    “I know.” He said and started to run. He pulled out something from his robes and pushed a button. Realizing what was going to happen I braced and felt the explosion. They had planted each other with explosives and tried to kill me. I had protected myself with the force, but my left arm still got burned slightly. I yelled and ran towards where the Jedi had gone. Running out I saw him jump from a roof onto a ship. I saw it slowly make its way towards space. I had failed. The Jedi knew of the weapon. I needed to return to Selna and warn her that we might be under attack. Warn her that we could lose, because he was right. We built another Death Star.




    This link is to the story of the weapon spoken about in this one: http://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-force-breaker-the-edge-of-the-galaxy-prologue.50044503/
     
    galactic-vagabond422 likes this.
  2. galactic-vagabond422

    galactic-vagabond422 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Very interesting choosing to do the first person perceptive, it's not used too often and is a bold choice.

    Good introduction of your lead here. He lives in darkness and seems to have no issues due to the lack of light, maybe something else in his blood. That is another thing, he's not of this galaxy, he was not born as you state. He has no people, no culture, all he has is the Republic, whom I'm guessing created him. Another very intriguing decision, that could have a lot of story ramifications later on down the road.
    This is very interesting, the relationship between Madam Halet and Koldof. It's very cold, he almost seems an attack dog to her. I can almost hear her saying 'good boy' when he does something that pleases her. It could also be that she is a professional to the core. I'm curious to see if Koldof is accepted or feared, or worse, despised by the rest of the Republic. Sabe Shuln seems to not care for him, undermining the Jedi hunter at every turn, does that extend to the beings under the Rodian's command I wonder.

    It's also curious that he calls the Jedi 'evil' I wonder if that is from personal experience or just what he was told. Jedi will defend themselves when attacked or threathened so just because they attack him doesn't make them evil. It'll be interesting to see how he came to this conclusion.
    That is a different way to describe Jedi. They are trained to be in control of their emotions though that doesn't make them emotionless, again it could be a quirk of Koldof's upbringing, or something else. Either way it's different and I like it.
    The thing that stuck out to me most, other than your, or maybe Koldof's, dislike of rodians, was the fact that he favors a black and white blades. While some may call his actions evil, he's not, not in his mind. He exists beyond, light and dark, he is neither yet carries both within him.
    Now we really get into his mind, all clockwork, no feelings, other than his duty to his orders. At this point one would feel pity for him, he never asked to be created like this, and he most likely had no choice in how he was raised and trained, much like the Jedi of old. Again it goes back to the fact that he has no people to call his own, no culture or heritage to look back on, all he has is the Republic, and Madam Halet. I feel a little sad for the guy, it's not his fault he's like this, he probably didn't have a choice in the matter.

    That is a nice way to tie things up, pointing out that superweapons never work, that they only solidify resistance, not break it. When a group has nothing left to lose they fight like hell to preserve it.

    You've got a very interesting and complex character and an interesting point of view, I'll curious to see how things progress.
     
    Darthmagus970 likes this.
  3. Kurisan

    Kurisan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 26, 2016
    I'll echo galactic-vagabond422 here; choosing to write in 1st person is quite brave and can cause you all sort of problems, but it does bring the story closer and more personally to the reader. We generally like to stay positive around here, but I was wondering if you were interested in any constructive criticism? Don't worry I'll understand if not - fanfiction is all about having fun after all.
     
    Ewok Poet and Darthmagus970 like this.
  4. Darthmagus970

    Darthmagus970 Jedi Knight

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015
    Thank you for reading it and yes, I am always up for some creative criticism.
     
  5. Darthmagus970

    Darthmagus970 Jedi Knight

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2015

    Sorry it's been so long for a reply. I forget about things and I went back through this thread and saw this comment again. I thought that I should talk about your responses to parts and thank you for them and explain a few things that I might not have written well enough.

    First off I want to thank you for telling me how you perceived Halet and Elbane because that was actually different than what my original plan was, but you made me change it and I think the new version of their relationship is much better for the story and the characters.

    The emotional part of the Jedi was meant for them to be trying to hide themselves, but their emotions gave them away. After rereading that part I completely understand where your thoughts were coming from and I think I might redo that part slightly to get the effect I was aiming for.

    I'm also glad that you ,and hopefully other readers, got the duty only mentality of Koldof. I did this to make him genuinely terrifying as he would kill with no remorse or change in character.

    Thank you for the feedback on my story and sorry again for the long time between the response. I hope you enjoy all that comes from these stories.