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Topic:
The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Darth_Sillyname
Registered:
Oct '00
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Date Posted:
1/16/04 10:52am
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
- Date Edited:
1/16/04 10:55am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Darth_Sillyname
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Vortigern, about the crawl: I see you've deleted the stuff about taxes from the senate scene, so that's no longer needed. Have you also cut the whole 'sign the treaty' stuff?
Also Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon aren't really introduced - since their early scenes are cut.
Being greedy is not much of a reason to invade a planet. What is it that they want with Naboo? I guess this wasn't really clear in the movie either.
And you need a reason why the Federation (and Maul) go after the queen. In the movie she was needed to sign a deal. In this one, maybe they want her dead because she could lead a resistance?
One thing I originally wanted to put in my rewrites (and managed to put in just a little bit) was that the Trade Federation (or others, like the mining guild), wanted to take the natural resources from Naboo. It's a beautiful planet after all, and you can guess what happens when the forces of commerce get their hands on it - a bit of a message about protecting the environment and all that 
I also thought your crawl was a bit short - but I guess that's the point.
What about this, just an idea I just came up with to introduce the What, Why, Where, Who, and How:
Episode 1+2: rise of the sith
Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The greedy Trade Federation has seized control of the remote planet of Naboo, intent on plundering it's many natural resources.
Sweeping through all resistance, the Federation droid army moves to kill Queen Amidala of Naboo.
While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates this crisis, the Jedi Knights --guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy-- have secretly dispatched master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi to rescue the treatened queen...
By the way, the ideas in this thread continue to be interesting and creative. Keep it coming 
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StarwarsMan
Registered:
Dec '02
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Date Posted:
1/23/04 8:27am
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Hey, what about editing the first two LOTR films into one? :-D
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Jainalover
Registered:
Jan '04
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Date Posted:
1/23/04 2:58pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
- Date Edited:
1/23/04 2:59pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Jainalover
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This has to be the most creative thread I have ever seen in all my time at online communities. Well done friends!
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Scarr1106
Registered:
Aug '01
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Date Posted:
1/26/04 2:01pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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A goog-ole-fashioned up as I wait for the next installment of proposed cuts. Keep up the good work!
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Vortigern99
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '00
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Date Posted:
1/30/04 3:18pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
- Date Edited:
1/30/04 3:22pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Vortigern99
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Darth_Silly:
Vortigern, about the crawl: I see you've deleted the stuff about taxes from the senate scene, so that's no longer needed. Have you also cut the whole 'sign the treaty' stuff?'
No, if you read the edited script on page 4 of this thread, it's clear that Sidious still wants a treaty signed to legitimize the TF's presence.
Also Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon aren't really introduced - since their early scenes are cut.
Well, they're introduced during the first scene--the Escape from Naboo--arguing with Panaka in the Royal Starship.
Being greedy is not much of a reason to invade a planet. What is it that they want with Naboo? I guess this wasn't really clear in the movie either.
In both cases you have to think about it. Why else would a "greedy" corporation seize an entire planet, except to exploit its resources? Greed and power-hunger are the only answers, and in TPM--and my Vortigern Edit--this is implied but never stated outright.
I also thought your crawl was a bit short - but I guess that's the point.
I prefer to call it "crisp". I see no point in forcing the audience to read a dissertation, when they want to see laser fights, laugh at witty dialogue and bond with imaginary characters. Just get the idea across and move on.
Episode 1+2: rise of the sith
Hey, thanks for using my title. It's open for discussion, but I like Rise of the Sith because in this cut there are three Sith lords--and they're all rising. Except Maul, who rather ... falls. Anyway.
Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The greedy Trade Federation has seized control of the remote planet of Naboo, intent on plundering it's many natural resources.
Well again, the only reason to invade a planet is to plunder its resources. There's really no need to mention it.
Sweeping through all resistance, the Federation droid army moves to kill Queen Amidala of Naboo.
This is a cool line, if a bit evocative for a STAR WARS scroll. I may use it....
While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates this crisis, the Jedi Knights--guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy--have secretly dispatched master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi to rescue the threatened queen...
That's pretty evocative as well, and I like the use of the Jedi's names before the trail-off. In my next post, I'll give a re-write of my original scroll using Sillyname's suggestions.
Thanks for the appreciative comments from all. The Battle of Naboo section will be up soon-ish.....
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"I knew from the beginning I was not doing science fiction.
I was doing a space opera, a fantasy film, a mythological piece,
a fairy tale."--George Lucas
My "Vader's Origins" thread:
http://boards.theforce.net/Classic_Trilogy/b10002/8708417/p1
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Vortigern99
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '00
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Date Posted:
1/30/04 3:34pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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[Here's the revised scroll:]
EPISODE I: RISE OF THE SITH
Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The greedy Trade Federation has seized control of the small planet of Naboo.
While the Congress of the Republic debates military action, the Jedi Knights--guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy--have secretly dispatched Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi to rescue Naboo's threatened queen.....
[NOTE: The "threatened queen" dispenses with need to include Sillynames's "Sweeping through all resistance, the Federation droid army moves to kill Queen Amidala of Naboo."]
-----signature-----
"I knew from the beginning I was not doing science fiction.
I was doing a space opera, a fantasy film, a mythological piece,
a fairy tale."--George Lucas
My "Vader's Origins" thread:
http://boards.theforce.net/Classic_Trilogy/b10002/8708417/p1
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ShaneP
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
1/30/04 3:43pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Where's the third paragraph? All SW crawls demand a third one.
Put one either at top or the middle and flesh out the story a little more.
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Darth_Sillyname
Registered:
Oct '00
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Date Posted:
1/31/04 9:54am
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Also Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon aren't really introduced - since their early scenes are cut.
-Well, they're introduced during the first scene--the Escape from Naboo--arguing with Panaka in the Royal Starship.
-yes, but are their names mentioned in that scene? Actually, now that I think about it, when was Qui-gon's name first mentioned in the movie? I don't remember.
In both cases you have to think about it. Why else would a "greedy" corporation seize an entire planet, except to exploit its resources? Greed and power-hunger are the only answers, and in TPM--and my Vortigern Edit--this is implied but never stated outright.
- I never thought it was clear why the TF invaded Naboo. I thought it was just because of the trade agreement thing, not to plunder it.
It always annoyed me that there didn't seem to be a good reason - even a good excuse - to invade that planet.
But I guess you don't really need to mention it - since TPM didn't either and it does make sense...from a certain point of view
Re: the lenght of the crawl - it's always 3 paragraphs (I think), so that's why I said it was short.
But of course when you're doing a short version of 2 prequels a short crawl makes sense.
On the other hand...a 3-paragraph crawl with as much info in it as possible will reduce the amount of stuff you have to put in the movie in order for it all to make sense:)
NOTE: The "threatened queen" dispenses with need to include Sillynames's "Sweeping through all resistance, the Federation droid army moves to kill Queen Amidala of Naboo."
- good point. Thanks for using part of my crawl
Keep up the interesting work!
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Over the years, I have come to regard you as...people I met on the Internet.
The Ultimate Rewrite Saga; Funny Star Wars Pictures and more;
The Craptaculars & Crapuels (humour) & How To Be A Jedi In 21 Easy Steps
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Jainalover
Registered:
Jan '04
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Date Posted:
1/31/04 1:56pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Remarkeable guys. I am vastly impressed by the amount of hafd work and sheer imagination that has gone into this superb project. I like what I see so far in this re-edit.
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Scarr1106
Registered:
Aug '01
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Date Posted:
2/17/04 6:09am
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Any further luck with this project, Vortigern (or anyone else involved in their own splices for that matter)?
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Vortigern99
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '00
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Date Posted:
2/17/04 4:40pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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In answer to the last question, I must admit I've been remiss. I currently do not own video equipment (let's just say I read alot of comics!), and while the next segment of the edited film already exist ON TAPE (the Battle of Naboo from my cut of TPM), I've not had the opportunity to watch it and record the edits I made. Rest assured it works well. I'll post it soon... [luke]I promise.[/luke]
-----signature-----
"I knew from the beginning I was not doing science fiction.
I was doing a space opera, a fantasy film, a mythological piece,
a fairy tale."--George Lucas
My "Vader's Origins" thread:
http://boards.theforce.net/Classic_Trilogy/b10002/8708417/p1
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Scarr1106
Registered:
Aug '01
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Date Posted:
3/9/04 6:08pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
- Date Edited:
3/9/04 6:17pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Scarr1106
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A long post, a long time coming. I'm stuck with a bum foot right now, so some time to actually bang this out.
Back in my film editing days in undergrad, I would have tried this sort of project, back when I had access to free equipment. It would only be feasible with a digital editing program; moving dialogue and very tight cuts would be necessary to pull this off without major continutity errors like, oh, characters showing up in scenes they should no longer be in.
Just to preface some of what I would have done, in addressing both the combining of the films and problems I personally have had with the prequel trilogy so far:
1). My idea does combine the two films into one without flashbacks/forwards, one of the main reason for very tight editing, especially when some characters would otherwise appear at two different ages in the film.
2). An actual lead character of sorts emerges in this cut, Padme, something the ensemble storytelling of the PT so far hasn't done.
3). And what could be the hardest challenge facing the editor of this project, my big pet peeve and one that requires careful reworking of the film's climax: omitting Yoda from the final product, and therefore restoring the surprise of his identity in TESB.
A brief description of the kept footage and its purpose towards the story is provided, but no running times.
So without much more ado:
-Episode 1+2: The Sith Menace
(Silly B sci-fi title, but it felt appropriate)
-Opening Scroll (rough draft, tried to capture some of ANH feel)
It is a time of crisis.
Countless worlds have been invaded by deadly droid armies, manufactured by the greedy Trade Federation. (invasions are a bit more exciting than blockades)
The assaults, secretly masterminded by the insidious Dark Lords of the Sith, are part of a scheme to throw the entire galaxy into war and chaos. (no mention of tax disputes, and mentions main threat, much in style of OT)
Jedi Knight Quigon Jinn, having discovered the plot, races to warn the Galactic Republic before it is too late… (give the audience a character to look for, even if he might not be around for long, heh heh )
-PAN DOWN: Cross-shaped dropships descend to the planet Naboo. (One of the more impressive "space" shots from TPM, and could easily be squeezed onto the initial pan down. Also starts the film off with active rather than passive feel.)
-In the marshes, MTTs are deployed. (first impressions of the threat, big and organized)
-Droid Commander reports to superiors: no sign of the Jedi. (lets the audience know of Jedi presence without seeing it, and a world outside of the movie; also barest glimpse of villains)
-MTTs move through marshlands, out across grassy plains. (again, clear sign of size of threat, and see more Naboo terrain)
-Gungan scout spots approaching forces (note: with the truncated nature of Naboo in this film, there is no animosity between the Gungans and humans onscreen; the Gungans are the Naboo natives and the humans are hte Republic gov't in the palace)
-Gungan army marches to meet droids. (note: throughout this fight, the shots would need to be flipped from what they are in the the film proper so that the droid invasion moves from left to right i.e. progressing towards the palace while the gungans are moving right to left i.e. to meet the droids; a simple trick that enhances and clarifies the action)
-Gungans raise forcebubble as droid tanks take position on ridge. (again, flip shots so tanks come from ridge on left, gungans setting up facing right)
-Tanks open fire on bubble to no effect. (straight movement from attack to ceasefire to next stage)
-Tanks unleash droid army, who march through the bubble. (no scene of Dofine ordering droids activated)
-Forcebubble destroyed, the Gungans retreat. (no Jar Jar horseplay, battle should be fast and furious; any Jar Jar shots can be attributed to other, capable Gungans)
-Viceroy Gunray reports; Darth Sidious informs that Darth Maul will be arriving. (mention of primitives ties in well with Gungan battles, meet the Viceroy and the Sith; sets up Maul's arrival)
-Tanks and droids in palace plaza, Padme leads attack. (carefully trim any shots with Jedi in them, Padme now active leader defending against invasion)
-Padme and troops retreat into palace (scattered clips of palace battle; again, no kid Anakin, no Jedi; also no starfighters yet).
-Pinned down, Padme and troops ascend outside window. (as close to Luke and Leia swinging across the chasm as we can get, makes sense even without "capture the Viceroy"--retreating up to a more defensible spot))
-Padme and troops captured in hallway (good climax to invasion, end act one).
Will post more later, gotta spread this out. Got plenty of time on my hands right now.
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Lady_Sami_J_Kenobi
Registered:
Jul '02
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Date Posted:
3/9/04 10:06pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Good job, guys!
Sorry to hear you have a bad foot, scarr. But, it does give one lots of time to spend on the internet.
Any chance of seeing the finished product, guys?
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Scarr1106
Registered:
Aug '01
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Date Posted:
3/10/04 7:14am
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
- Date Edited:
3/10/04 7:17am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Scarr1106
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Unfortunately no chance of me actually making this cut any time soon, Sami. UNtil I'm through with my master's, I'm just a pour slub Can't afford to plunk down the 5 grand I'd need for a good enough computer/capture/editing program.
Anywho, wIthout further ado, Act Two, picking right up from where I left off, with Padme's capture:
-Viceroy’s ship moves through barricade. (actually taken from the original TPM opening of the consular ship; lets us see the size of the invasion from space)
-Gunray lands in plaza and learns of Padme’s capture. (villainous without being too silly)
-Gunray escorts Padme and Bibble, makes offer before sending them off. (with this cut, I've done my best to make Gunray a bit less of a nitwit, keeping some of his more villainous scenes are, while still a pawn, a bit more in control of his own actions)
-Sidious assures Gunray the Senate is under control and Padme can be controlled. (good dialogue about Padme, and sets up Jedi again, just in time for:)
Quigon appears and rescues Padme and prisoners. (editing the next few sequences will be some of the toughest, as any shot with Obiwan has to be judiciously removed; it can be done, though; JarJar's presence is explained shortly afterwards)
-Quigon, Padme, and company make for hangars. (heavy trims throughout, mainly leaving that they need transports, this way to hangars, should come with to Coruscant, Padme must speak with senate, Bibble stays behind;no Obiwan and no handmaiden Padme; carefully edit in dialogue from other scenes: Quigon giving his name (from original Tatooine scene)and needing to see the Jedi Council (from original Coruscant platform landing)
-Quigon attacks droid sentries (splice in Padme's line to pilots "Get to your ships")
-Freed pilots take off in starfighters(once QUigon starts attacking droids, it can be assumed pilots are freed without Obiwan rescuing them as in TPM)
Darth Maul reveals himself; Quigon stays behind while Padme takes off. (eliminating removed characters (Obiwan, Padme in other costunme)is tricky in the next few scenes, but again can be done. Maul's reveal happens while Qui is still fighting with droids; no dialogue before fight begins, just two warriors squaring off while Naboo ship escapes; yes, Quigon stays behind
Starfighters engage battleships but can’t penetrate shields.using the starfighter footage here seemed to make the escape more exciting, with more going on, especially considering how much has to be trimmed from the other segments)
Quigon and Maul battle on catwalks in power station.much of the original fight remains untuoched here, except removing Obiwan; some dialogue would be nice, like using Maul's tone poem from the TPM adds as some rewrites have, but I'm not sure it would cut in well)
Padme’s ship damaged; Artoo races to fix it.(the scenes aboard the escaping ship have to be handled carefully; neither Obiwan nor Quigon can be there, eliminating some of Ric Olie's shots with Qui right behind. Some of he dialogue could still be used over other shots; these scenes and those of the starfighters should be intermingled)
Maul slays Quigon in saber battle.(the laser gates section has to be cut since you can see Obiwan the entire time in the background, and there's still not a great explanation for a big energy station right behind the hangar, but oh well; cut Obiwan's NOOO and the scene ends with Quigon's death and Maul set up as a serious threat)
Artoo fixes shields; Padme’s ship escapes for Coruscant.(again, watch for shots of Quigon behind Ric unless he's a ghost )
-Gunray threatens Bibble. (reminds audience he was left behind and continues Gunray's villainy)
-Sidious gives Gunray permission to wipe out Naboo. (truncated version of scene keeps "she's more foolish than I thought" i.e he knows of Padme's escape and isn't overly worried) and shows Maul still there, and this scenehas one of the creepiest lines from the prequels)
Padme meets Jar Jar while cleaning Artoo. (a brief cute without being annoying introduction to both characters (names + name of Gungan race, lets us in on some of what happened with the Jedi offscreen, begins rapport between Padme and Artoo, and has Padme in orange uniform for:)
Padme watches Bibble’s transmission. (nice homage to ANH, infers severity of the situation, cut on Padme's reaction before kid Anakin section 'cause he no longer exists)
And thus ends the second act:Escape from Naboo. More to come later.
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Vortigern99
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Nov '00
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Date Posted:
3/10/04 6:46pm
Subject:
RE: The "Vortigern Edit": help me cut TPM and AOTC into a single film!
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Scarr1106, I'm overwhelmed by your talent for story structure and sense of pacing. I've only read your first entry--up to Padme's capture--but so far, I love it! The opening scroll is succinct without being terse, and evokes the essential STAR WARS phraseology of "good guys and villains." Panning down to the Naboo Invasion is an inspired touch; that the first action scene is the DROID-GUNGAN BATTLE is positively brilliant. The subsequent arrangement of scenes--especially your choice for Maul, Sidious and the TF's introduction--is cleverly, even subtly woven together. The action is crisp and exciting. Bravo, bravo, bravo!
The Force is strong in this one....
-----signature-----
"I knew from the beginning I was not doing science fiction.
I was doing a space opera, a fantasy film, a mythological piece,
a fairy tale."--George Lucas
My "Vader's Origins" thread:
http://boards.theforce.net/Classic_Trilogy/b10002/8708417/p1
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