"State your business," was all the guard said to him. It was dressed in mostly black metal armor, with a red emblazened cape. He assumed it was a captain or some such rank. How he longed to rip it's head off, but he held himself in check. Barely. "Purchases, bussiness of gold does Azhmodin bring. A problem this is?" His voice came out in something of a low raspy growl, his glassy, black eyes staring out from under his hood, teeth revealed from behind his curled lips. A fool this is! He knows not Azhomdin. Azhomdin kill him now he could. Kill him slowly he could... painfully he could. His eyes started to get a wild look in them, a dangerous wild look... a look they had many times before. "No problem... wolf. Know this, you will not find the guards of the city easy prey should you need to fill your... baser desires. We have slaves for sale for that purpose." This caused Azhmodin to grin wickedly. He knew what his second order of business was now, then he would have to find the assassins... he wanted work to do. He was far, far too bored with life at the moment. "Go on your way, and obey the laws or you will be killed. Your weaknesses are known to many in Ur-Karpathos." With that the guard looked away from him.
darth_nemisis posted: I don't find differentiating character speech all that important. It, IMO, just depends on the story you are in. If it calls for two humans to speak, I don't think it is necassary for one to speak in third person or whatever, and the other not.
Trimaj posted:IC: Azhmodin Ur-Karpathos, Ocklimar's Cave of Wonders, Item Shop Waiting on a Wraith to speak can be a rather... unnerving experience at the best of times. At the worst, it could drive you insane. The insubstantial thing looking at you, seeing you're very essence "It will depend...On what Mister Ocklimar here has in his shop. Should he have something I can use, I shall accept your partnership. Should he not, I will continue my wanderings." He heard the Wraith speak, and considered what he had just asked. This could either turn out to be the most brilliant thing he had ever done, or the stupidest. Only time would tell, and only time would tell if it would even come to pass for that matter. He nodded as the Wraith turned painfully slow towards the shopkeeper. There was no way Ocklimar wouldn't deal with this thing now, rather than later. Listening he heard the question, "Ocklimar, son of Oznil, have you any Dark Staves for sale? I seek one incorporating at least Bloodshine Gem, perhaps coupled with different stones. Steel would be preferable over wood, and runes over pentagrams." Good this is not... A former magic worker this was? Azhmodin wonders... has he made a mistake? He nearly shivered, but was able to control himself enough not to. Yes, you were a fool! This was a different voice... and Azhmodin knew he had a rather large problem on his hands that didn't include this shadowy form before him. TAG I_H, GJ IC: The voice He doesn't realize what he is aligning us with... A horror... A thing straight out of nightmares. Wondering if his sister would respond or not he simply remained silent, observing the scene. He figured the shopkeeper would be something of a chicken, as he had been with Azhmodin, but one never knew. A shopkeeper in this city, and part of the world was going to be anything but scared of most beings. A wraith wasn't most beings though. Yes brother dear, he has made a mistake. Just as I made a mistake when I revealed myself to you again. The voice was bitter, and obviously unhappy with its decision. But... We're family. Why do you regret? He was completely bewildered. He knew he had changed, but he didn't think it had been that much. There was no response again, and again he found himself alone with a madman. He felt far more alone than he had before though. TAG MYSELF IC: The Other She was anything but happy with herself. Why did I tell him I was back in the first place? I hate him... He betrayed me! He even killed me! If she had been able to she would have paced, instead she pictured her body doing so in a round room, going in circles... Brother dear... what a joke. She laughed bitterly, she knew she would give anything to be able to go back... to have killed him before any of this had ever happened. TAG MYSELF
Waiting on a Wraith to speak can be a rather... unnerving experience at the best of times. At the worst, it could drive you insane. The insubstantial thing looking at you, seeing you're very essence "It will depend...On what Mister Ocklimar here has in his shop. Should he have something I can use, I shall accept your partnership. Should he not, I will continue my wanderings." He heard the Wraith speak, and considered what he had just asked. This could either turn out to be the most brilliant thing he had ever done, or the stupidest. Only time would tell, and only time would tell if it would even come to pass for that matter. He nodded as the Wraith turned painfully slow towards the shopkeeper. There was no way Ocklimar wouldn't deal with this thing now, rather than later. Listening he heard the question, "Ocklimar, son of Oznil, have you any Dark Staves for sale? I seek one incorporating at least Bloodshine Gem, perhaps coupled with different stones. Steel would be preferable over wood, and runes over pentagrams." Good this is not... A former magic worker this was? Azhmodin wonders... has he made a mistake? He nearly shivered, but was able to control himself enough not to. Yes, you were a fool! This was a different voice... and Azhmodin knew he had a rather large problem on his hands that didn't include this shadowy form before him.
He doesn't realize what he is aligning us with... A horror... A thing straight out of nightmares. Wondering if his sister would respond or not he simply remained silent, observing the scene. He figured the shopkeeper would be something of a chicken, as he had been with Azhmodin, but one never knew. A shopkeeper in this city, and part of the world was going to be anything but scared of most beings. A wraith wasn't most beings though. Yes brother dear, he has made a mistake. Just as I made a mistake when I revealed myself to you again. The voice was bitter, and obviously unhappy with its decision. But... We're family. Why do you regret? He was completely bewildered. He knew he had changed, but he didn't think it had been that much. There was no response again, and again he found himself alone with a madman. He felt far more alone than he had before though.
She was anything but happy with herself. Why did I tell him I was back in the first place? I hate him... He betrayed me! He even killed me! If she had been able to she would have paced, instead she pictured her body doing so in a round room, going in circles... Brother dear... what a joke. She laughed bitterly, she knew she would give anything to be able to go back... to have killed him before any of this had ever happened.
The group had a long time to go before they reached the Sith Temple that sat more than forty-five kilometers away; a long trek on feet. It would surely take hours. Nemisis was fully aware that the Dark Lords apprentice, Lord Manticore, had not been following them. He was fully aware that he stayed behind to obtain more terentatek blood. Foolish, to say the least. It was apparent that the terentateks were there only to guard the tablet from being taken; a test. They were tools of the former Lord of the Sith, placed within his tomb to allow only the greatest of Sith to pass. They were harmless after the tablet had been taken. Manticore must not have realized this. He stayed, and attacked. For what was only twenty minutes, he slaughtered over fifteen Jedi Killers, completely annihilating the beasts. Though, unbeknownst to him, there were over two hundred more beasts within that cave; he was lucky to survive. The Dark Marauder knew this, he had done his research, and he would not go back, for not even Vassago could survive an onslaught of over two hundred giant terentateks. Nemisis had not stopped; he did not wait; he let the apprentice make his choice. After approximately an hour, they were half way to their destination, and the apprentice had not caught up yet. A half an hour later, he finally did. "Quite impressive," said Nemisis as he stopped and turned to the apprentice. He had known he was alive for the past hour, having felt his presence grow ever nearer. "Do not stray from us again." His voice was now stern, and he turned away, continuing to walk. He did not have to look at Manticore to see that the apprentice was fatigued, stressed, and beaten. Blood trickled down in many areas of his body, and his walk that was once a powerful stride had turned into a slouchy drag, causing him to slow every minute; Nemisis did not, but the others did. It was obvious that the others cared quite a bit. A little while later, they had arrived at their destination: the Sith Temple. The gates had been opened, and Nemisis felt a presence had been here. Another Sith Hopeful, one who must have been too scared to enter, and left. He was probably dead now. As they entered into the grounds, Manticore's body finally gave out as he fell to the ground, unconscious. The others gathered around him, and Rian spoke. "Mind giving me a hand with him? We need to get him inside at least," he said calmly. Nemisis turned to him. "I have a mission to complete, so do you." The Sith Master turned and walked on, inside the Temple. He left his meaning intentionally ambiguous; did he want them to leave the apprentice there? Did he want them to carry him in? He only knew the answer, and he continued on towards the Dark Lord's chambers, tablet in hand, good intentions in mind.
Waiting on a Wraith to speak can be a rather... unnerving experience at the best of times. At the worst, it could drive you insane. The insubstantial thing looking at you, seeing you're very essence.
It will depend...On what Mister Good this is not... A former magic Azhmodin wonders... has he different voice... and Azhmodin
Another Sith Hopeful, one who must have been too scared to enter, and left. He was probably dead now.
I'll begin with my personal assessment of the post from Trimaj. Please look upon my words as an attempt at constructive criticism. If I appear harsh it is in an effort to help point out what I see as items and areas for improvement. I do not offer much in the way of praise here simply because the quality and depth of the posts seems fair, and you will learn more from areas for improvement than any amount of praise I could offer you.
Waiting on a Wraith to speak can be a rather... unnerving experience at the best of times. At the worst, it could drive you insane. The insubstantial thing looking at you, seeing you're very essence. Should the bold word be "your" as opposed to "you're"?
It will depend...On what Mister Good this is not... A former magic Azhmodin wonders... has he different voice... and Azhmodin Why do we see capital letters after some ...'s and other times lower case letters?
As you can see these elements do not deal with the content of the post but rather the technical aspects of it as far as it concerns a piece of written english. I'd go for full tags myself, that is, greyjedi125 and Imperial_Hammer, as opposed to GJ, and I_H, simply because I think it looks better, more professional or otherwise. Likewise, I would most likely have used the Voice with a capital V to mirror the capital used in the Other. Additionally, I'd recommend using a ":" after tag, so that it appears "TAG: greyjedi125", as opposed to "TAG greyjedi125". And, when tagging yourself, why not simply say "TAG: Trimaj"?
I'll trust that you know what you're doing, Trimaj. That does not necessarily mean that I would agree with your reasoning for the use of spaces for thought. My recommendation to you would be to exercise caution. I've seen a lot of people use the full stops to indicate thought processing, but it is most common in chaotic type characters. Given that you're playing one such character, my advice would be to use it where appropriate--if I were you, I'd do your best to avoid using the full stops just for the sake of showing that your character is disorganised in his thoughts, the key would be to use it to show when he is. I'm sure you already know this, I just believe it is important and worth offering as reinforcement.
