Author Topic: The Character Designers Guild
darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 7:32pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 8:57pm (6 edits total) Edited By: darthmalferius
Thanks i think this will help alot for me.
Im designing this character for a new mmog (massively multi-player online game) called the old republic its set in the kotor universe its along ways from release but i think thats where i want to go with him.


A quick revise to see what you guys think about just the bio part

At the age of 5 massee showed signs of the force random occurrences that involved levitating objects. on a mission a sith master noticed this posing as a jedi he took the boy to the sith temple where the master sith trained him until he was 14 and ready to go through regular training. In a training exercise another student got the best of him massee losing his right arm in the process and gaining a cybernetic substitute angry by the fact he lost his arm he decided to train harder mixed with his natural strength in the force he was sure he could overcome anything . In the years that passed his training was well further along than most students when he was 18 he was deemed ready for the trials there where 5 others that graduated the same time he did but only 1 would become a full sith. The masters laid out the usual terms first one to tell him the sith code the first to give a brief history on why the sith are necessary and the battle with that last two who remained of course massee flew threw everything with ease even though the other students where older had more training he was a quick learner and strong in the force .with the test done massee was named a full sith and given the name darth malferius as of now he trains new recruits and takes on missions given to him.

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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darthramza 
Registered: Jul '08
44325_Kyle Katarn
Date Posted: 12/1/08 8:46pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 8:48pm (1 edits total) Edited By: darthramza
Well, I think I'll start by pointing out that I think it's awesome that you're making a character background for an MMORPG. Not enough people view those as an opportunity to actually role play, and that's always my pet peeve. Also, the grammar and spelling, while still in need of a lot of work, is exponentially better.

On to content:

It's definitely a plausible character background, at least based on the impression I got from KOTOR. However the nature of his aptitude in the Force in hinted at, but not really expanded upon. Did he train harder to compensate for the embarrassment of losing his arm in combat? Was he naturally gifted, and losing the arm was merely a slip up? Is levitating objects at a young age a sign of potential, or natural talent? The bare bones structure is fine at this stage, but if you're serious about making your future avatar as well-crafted as possible, it's going to need a lot more fleshing out.

EDIT Also, while I'm at it, I'm going to go ahead and officially join.

 

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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 8:50pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 9:28pm (2 edits total) Edited By: darthmalferius
Verry good points thanks ill work more on it. and i play alot of mmorpg's and thats one of my pet peeves as well thanks for the much neeeded feedback.

I did a quick edit cause i thought the imput you gave about the arm was important on further suggestions.
So i implemented both the natural talent and the need to train harder.
This has been really helpful thank you.

Could somone post some of there characters id like to see some of em or pm me about there characters that would really help me on format and grammer and maybe a badchar sheet vs a good char sheet.

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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DarthXan318 
Registered: Sep '02
13619_Padme
Date Posted: 12/1/08 10:26pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 10:31pm (3 edits total) Edited By: DarthXan318
That's better, but you need to watch some things like punctuation, capitalization and paragraphing. I'll post one of my characters up later if you like, but if you rewrote your bio to be something like, say...

At the age of five, Massee showed signs of Force potential: random occurrences involving levitating objects seemed to happen around him. On a mission a Sith master noticed this and, posing as a Jedi, he took the boy to the Sith temple where he was trained personally until he was fourteen and ready to go through regular training.

In a training exercise another student got the best of him and Massee lost his right arm in the process. He was fitted with a cybernetic substitute, but he was angry by the fact he lost his arm and decided to train harder. With his natural strength in the force he was sure he could overcome anything. In the years that passed, he soon progressed further than most of the other students in training, and when he was eighteen he was deemed ready for the trials. Five other students would take the trials the same time he did, but only one would become a full Sith.

The masters laid out the usual terms: the first trial was to recite the Sith code, the next was to give a brief history on why the Sith are necessary, and finally he was to battle with the remaining students. Of course Massee flew through everything with ease, for even though the other students were older and had more training, he was a quick learner and strong in the Force. Having passed the trials, Massee was named a full Sith and given the name Darth Malferius. As of now he trains new recruits and takes on missions given to him.


It's actually not that bad a bio, really.. The main problem there was pretty much that it was hard to understand - you'll notice I split it up into three paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes, and I'm not entirely sure what you were trying to say when describing the trials, so I rewrote it to what I thought it meant. I've also changed the numbers to words (5 to 'five', etc); this is a stylistic technicality, but I prefer it that way. (I'd edit further so it flows better and so on, but then it stops being your bio, if that makes sense.)

How's that look?

 

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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 10:32pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 10:35pm (1 edits total) Edited By: darthmalferius
Verry much so. im getten my brainy room mate to help me on typeing and grammer so ill be practicing on that to make this a little better when i go into more detail.


Another problem i have is im bad at typeing and i try to type fast yeah dosent work out to well lol.

But the interpretation on the trials was dead on thanks i still have alot to learn it seems lol.

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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DarthXan318 
Registered: Sep '02
13619_Padme
Date Posted: 12/1/08 10:41pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
It's cool, just slow down. This isn't a MMO where your life hinges on your ability to type "HEAL ME PLZ" before your HP drops to 0. wink

Type your post fast if you like, but be sure to look it over before you hit the Post Reply button. Something to do is ... basically, you know what you mean to write, but the person reading your post doesn't. So when you read over your post, ask yourself if anyone but you will be able to understand it. (If the answer's no, rewrite it, obviously.)

And pay attention to your spell checker, that's what it's there for. tongue

 

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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 10:49pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 10:50pm (1 edits total) Edited By: darthmalferius
Ok ill make sure to do that.
Also could i get some help on costume design for him i had before a costume that resembled the apprentice's with no sleeves but i don't think this is the best route for him I'm just looking for ideas hints tips you know anything i could use to make a unique costume design for my concept artist.


 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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LightWarden 
Registered: Oct '01
19249_20-Sided Die
Date Posted: 12/1/08 10:55pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
Well, since we haven't done anything in a while, I'm bored, and I usually use my power for destruction... anyone want to make a game of this? Take the materials he's provided, and show your skill based on what you can make of it.

 

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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 11:03pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
Hmmm interesting

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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DarthXan318 
Registered: Sep '02
13619_Padme
Date Posted: 12/1/08 11:08pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
For costume goodness, you want the Costuming and Props board.

 

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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 11:17pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
Ok thanks.

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/1/08 11:22pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild - Date Edited: 12/1/08 11:27pm (3 edits total) Edited By: darthmalferius
I dont know that seems more for real life costumes i just want a concept for what my character will wear but i made a new topic anyways if anyone has suggestions just pm me so we dont clutter this thread with off topic stuff, thanks.


oops double post sorry.

Anyways i feel like im taking the spotlight to much so somone else talk about there character.

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/3/08 3:13pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
uhhh whats the deal why did everyone stop posting

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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Saintheart 
Title: Manager and Wandering Swordsman of the RPF
Registered: Dec '00
47131_2008 Winter Holidays
Date Posted: 12/3/08 5:32pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
Again, malferius, just slow down a little. This board doesn't move that 'fast'; people don't go to every thread every day; most of us you'll find out playing games rather than discussing them per se wink

 

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darthmalferius 
Registered: Nov '08
42053_Red Lightsaber
Date Posted: 12/3/08 6:10pm Subject: RE: The Character Designers Guild
I know i just get really really really bored.

 

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darth malferius
Anyone can pick up a blaster it take's a true warrior to take a lightsaber look somone in the eyes and cut there head off.
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