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Topic:
humor - umor (general) :)
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CyberFaust
Title: Co-Chapter Rep
FF Romania
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
9/2/07 3:36am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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hihihi, i has a press pass 
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I hate broccoli And think it totally sucks Why is it not meat? "And God shalt smite thee who watcheth the Wars of Stars. Repent ye all who hath sinned with Jar Jar andeth been diddled by C3PO." - Lies 3:64 http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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FriendlyPiranha
Title: Graphic artist
FF Romania
Registered:
Feb '05
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Date Posted:
9/29/07 7:07am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Wierd Al - Armish Paradise
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FriendlyPiranha
Title: Graphic artist
FF Romania
Registered:
Feb '05
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Date Posted:
9/29/07 7:11am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Brangelina Parody "Adopt Me Too"
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MaraStardreamer
Registered:
Apr '06
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Date Posted:
10/5/07 2:27pm
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
- Date Edited:
10/5/07 2:31pm (2 edits total)
Edited By:
MaraStardreamer
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Un programator merge la un altul sa-i ceara bani imprumut.
- Cat sa-ti dau?
- 500 de dolari.
- Stii ce? Iti dau 512 sa fie rotund.
O fetita se duce la un magazin de animale si întreaba:
- Va log, aveti iepulasi dlagalasi?
Inima vânzatorului se topeste brusc. Se aseaza pe vine lânga fetita si o întreaba
- Vlei un iepulas dlagalas alb, sau unul dlagalas moale si neglu si pufos? Sau poate pe cel dlagalas si maloniu de acolo?
Fetita se înroseste, se leagana putin pe calcâie, isi pune mânutele pe genunchi, se apleaca în fata si raspunde în soapta:
- Cled ca pe pitonul meu îl doale în cul de culoale...
Un barbat conduce o masina pe o sosea de munte stamta si plina de cotituri. Pe acelasi drum dar in sens contrar, vine o masina condusa de o femeie. Cand cele doua masini sunt apropiate doamna deschide fereastra si urla "...porc..." Domnul enervat raspunde P...(putain). Fiecare continua pe calea lui, dar la prima cotitura masina barbatului se ciocneste cu un porc enorm in mijlocul strazii...
MORALA: "Daca barbatii ar asculta!!!!!"
CONTRA-MORALA: "Daca femeile ar explica mai bine!!!!!"
Bula la scoala.
Intreaba profesorul de religie:
- Copii, ce fapte bune ati facut in ultimul timp?
La care, Bula afirma:
- Am salvat o fata de la viol!
Profesorul intreaba:
- Ai, Bula, cum ai facut-o?
Bula raspunde:
- Am convins-o!
Inmormantarea unui cardiolog.
Toate erau in forma de inima: florile, coroanele, jerbele, groapa,
sicriul.Cand sa bage mortul in groapa, un tip din multime incepe sa rada in
hohote. Preotul se opreste din cantat si il intreaba: Bine domnule, acum
te-a gasit si pe dumneata rasul, tocmai in acest moment?
Tipul ii raspunde:
Nu va suparati dar ma gandeam la propria mea inmormantare, pentru ca eu sunt
ginecolog!
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It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
10/11/07 9:21am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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In caz ca nu l-a vazut cineva inca: the internet sensation - ACHMED THE TERRORIST!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go&mode=related&search=
Shut up! I kill you!... 
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… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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SVAndrei
Title: Co-CR FF Romania
Registered:
Nov '04
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Date Posted:
10/11/07 10:38am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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What was the last thing that crossed your mind?
My ass...
Brilliant!!!
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"What do you mean they blew up the Death Star?!"
Member of Fan Force Romania.
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MaraStardreamer
Registered:
Apr '06
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Date Posted:
10/12/07 1:14am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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La gradinita un tip grabit:
- am venit sa iau copilu'!
- totusi care copil?
- ce conteaza, oricare! Si asa maine il aduc inapoi!
Un copil, la gradinita, incearca sa isi incalte cizmulitele. Pentru ca nu se descurca, a cerut ajutor educatoarei. Cu tot trasul si impinsul, cizmulitele nu voiau nicidecum sa intre. Pana cand a reusit totusi sa il incalte, educatoarei i-au aparut broboane de transpiratie pe frunte.
De aceea aproape ca i-au dat lacrimile cand copilul i-a zis:
-Doamna, dar sunt puse invels...
Intr-adevar, erau pe picior gresit... Nu a fost cu nimic mai usor sa ii scoata cizmulitele decat sa i le puna, totusi a reusit sa isi pastreze calmul pana cand iar cizmulitele erau incaltate, tot cu sudoare pe frunte, dar de data aceasta asa cum trebuia. Insa atunci baietelul a zis:
-Cizmulitele astea nu sunt ale mele!!
In loc sa strige la el:"De ce nu mi-ai spus??", educatoarea si-a muscat buza si inca o data s-a chinuit sa il descalte. Cand s-a terminat chinul descaltatului, baietelul i-a spus:
-Sunt cizmulitele flatelui meu. Mama mi-a zis sa le incalt pe astea azi.
Acum ea nu mai stia ce sa faca...Sa planga sau sa rada? A reusit totusi sa stranga suficienta rabdare pentru a se lupta din nou cu cizmulitele.Cand, in sfarsit, l-a incaltat, inainte de a-l trimite afara la joaca, l-a intrebat:
- Si acum, unde iti sunt manusile? Trebuie sa ti le pun in maini ca sa poti pleca afara!
- Le-am bagat in cizmulite ca sa nu le pield...
Janos facea nazbatii pe langa biserica ortodoxa romaneasca.
Popa ii zice:
- Daca nu esti cuminte, te botez Ion si te fac roman.
Intrucat Janos nu s-a potolit, chiar asa a procedat.
Ajuns acasa, Janos le spune pe rand tatalui, mamei, surorii, etc.
- Pe mine ma cheama Ion si sunt roman.
Cei de mai sus l-au injurat si batut.
Ramas singur, micutul Janos gandeste:
- De 10 minute sunt roman si ungurii astia imputiti au si inceput sa ma persecute.
Sotia cu amantul in pat aude deodata ca vine barbatul ei. Speriata, neavand unde sa-l ascunda pe amant, il da cu ulei de copii, il pudreaza cu talc si-i spune sa stea nemiscat, pe post de statuie.
Intra barbatul ei si vede statuia. - Ce e cu statuia asta?
- Pai sa vezi, e la moda acum sa ai statuie in casa . Si familia Smith are statuie.
Tipul se multumeste cu explicatia.
Noaptea i se face foame omului, merge la bucatarie, mananca, apoi vine cu un sandwich in mana si i-l da statuii.
- Ia omule si mananca ceva, ca eu am stat trei zile la familia Smith si nemernicii nu mi-au dat nici un pahar cu apa. ...
Patru babe stau de vorba la un rummy. Una dintre ele zice:
- Pe vremea mea, minusile de teatru erau lungi pina aicea... si arata cu degetul un punct pe brat, cam la o palma mai jos de umar.
A doua arata catre cot:
- Eu imi aduc aminte ca erau pina aici.
Cea de-a treia:
- Sinteti tare batrine... eu am apucat sa port minusi mici, pina aici, si arata la incheietura palmei.
Apoi cu voce mai puternica catre a patra:
- Da' tu, fa surdo, tu ce zici?
- Ehhh, eu zic ca, daca e baiat bun si cuminte, poate sa-l ia si asa...
In spatele unei porti pe care scrie caine rau, se vede un catel mic si pufos.
- Cum de esti tu ma caine rau?
- Sunt lau ca nu pap tot laptele!
-----signature-----
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
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FriendlyPiranha
Title: Graphic artist
FF Romania
Registered:
Feb '05
|
Date Posted:
10/14/07 6:38am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
- Date Edited:
10/14/07 6:48am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
FriendlyPiranha
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Jay Leno gets the real deal on Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton gets the Sarah Silverman treatment
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
10/14/07 12:58pm
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Looks like someone discovered glumbert.
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… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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CyberFaust
Title: Co-Chapter Rep
FF Romania
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
10/16/07 2:01pm
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
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I hate broccoli And think it totally sucks Why is it not meat? "And God shalt smite thee who watcheth the Wars of Stars. Repent ye all who hath sinned with Jar Jar andeth been diddled by C3PO." - Lies 3:64 http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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SVAndrei
Title: Co-CR FF Romania
Registered:
Nov '04
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Date Posted:
10/17/07 12:43am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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"What do you mean they blew up the Death Star?!"
Member of Fan Force Romania.
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arapila
Registered:
Jan '05
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Date Posted:
10/17/07 12:49am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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bla bla bla
Love is in the air!
doar in Ocna Mures
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SVAndrei
Title: Co-CR FF Romania
Registered:
Nov '04
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Date Posted:
10/22/07 12:24pm
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_all_online_data
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sergiurusu
Title: former CR
FF Romania
Registered:
May '01
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Date Posted:
10/23/07 10:24am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
- Date Edited:
11/3/07 1:42pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
sergiurusu
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"Collecting has the permanence of herpes, it mutates but doesn't go away" My collections: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v226/sergiurusu/ My music site: http://electrosound.ro/
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SVAndrei
Title: Co-CR FF Romania
Registered:
Nov '04
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Date Posted:
10/23/07 1:55pm
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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PRICELESS!!!!
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