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Topic:
humor - umor (general) :)
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CyberFaust
Title: FanForce CR
FF Romania
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
5/21 7:07am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Laughing....for....two....hours
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I hate broccoli And think it totally sucks Why is it not meat? "And God shalt smite thee who watcheth the Wars of Stars. Repent ye all who hath sinned with Jar Jar andeth been diddled by C3PO." - Lies 3:64 http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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Darth_Garak
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
5/21 7:41am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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http://www.cracked.com/article_16261_5-vacation-planning-tips-according-horror-movies.html
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Milena_Syan
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
5/21 8:11am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Hey, those guys got the translation slightly wrong for the romanian insult... well, at least we're #1 at something. 
We could try that vacation stuff... as soon as we get some random afro to join us... I think we've pretty much got everything else. 
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There is no death. There are no limits. Fan Force Romania Binding the galaxy since 2004  http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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CyberFaust
Title: FanForce CR
FF Romania
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
5/21 8:32am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Milena_Syan posted:
... I think we've pretty much got everything else.
-----signature-----
I hate broccoli And think it totally sucks Why is it not meat? "And God shalt smite thee who watcheth the Wars of Stars. Repent ye all who hath sinned with Jar Jar andeth been diddled by C3PO." - Lies 3:64 http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
5/21 12:13pm
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Un forum thread care had me rolling meat balls on the floor:
http://forum.softpedia.com/index.php?showtopic=296134&st=60
-----signature-----
… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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Jedi_Umi
Registered:
Nov '06
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Date Posted:
5/22 10:43am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Atentie!
S-a confirmat existenta gripei aviare !
Daca nu va vaccinati cocoselul,fierbeti-va macar
ouale!
Atentie la pasarici!
Ardeti tot ce prindeti.
Daca va este frica sa nu va ingrasati, incercati sa
beti inainte de fiecare masa 50 g de tarie.
Taria, precum se stie din batrani, atenueaza frica!
Naufragiaza o corabie.
Un pasager se apropie inot de capitan si-l intreaba:
- Capitane, cat avem de inotat pana la cel mai
apropiat pamant?
- Trei kilometri.
- In ce directie?
- In jos...!
Un orb intra in bucatarie si da de o razatoare...la
care spune..."cine a scris porcaria asta?
Omul de pe targa catre infirmieri :
- Unde ma duceti ?
- La morga.
- Dar inca n-am murit.
- Pai, inca n-am ajuns...
O masina se loveste brutal de o caruta. In urma
accidentului, calul si carutasul sunt raniti destul de
grav. Un politist apare imediat la locul accidentului
si, vazand calul chinuindu-se, intr-un acces de mila,
il impusca in cap. Apoi se indreapta catre carutas, cu
pistolul in mana, si il intreaba: - Si dumneavoastra
sunteti ranit? - Nu! Nu! Doamne fereste! Asa de bine
nu m-am simtit niciodata!
O pereche tanara joaca golf. La o lovitura data de
ea, mingea de golf sparge geamul unei case alaturata
terenului de golf...
Geamul se sfaramiteaza in mii de bucati...
Tinerii constienti de greseala lor se duc imediat
sa comunice proprietarului...
Suna la usa , dar nu raspunde nimeni. Atunci, ei
intra in casa prin usa deschisa a terasei si vad langa
geamul spart si o carafa sparta ... Langa carafa sta
un barbat bine cu un turban pe cap.
- Dumneavoastra santeti proprietarul? Intreaba
sotul.
Barbatul ii priveste pe tineri nedumerit si dupa
un timp raspunde ironic:
-Nu, eu am fost inchis 1000 de ani in aceasta
carafa , dar cineva a spart geamul si carafa, cu o
minge de golf si m-a eliberat.
La aceste cuvinte, sotului i s-a iluminat
privirea, spunand:
- Asa deci, dumneavoastra sunteti spiritul din
carafa?
- Corect, eu va indeplinesc doua dorinte voua si o
a treia pentru mine.
- OK! se gandeste sotul si spune imediat prima
dorinta:
- Super, deci eu vreau un salar lunar de 1.000.000
dolari, neimpozabil.
Spiritul raspunde
- S-a indeplinit! Si care ar fi a doua dorinta?
- Totdeauna sa avem cele mai bune mancaruri si
bauturi fine, sa nu ne lipseasca nimic din casa!!
- Considerati si aceasta dorinta indeplinita... Si
acuma dorinta mea, spune spiritul:
- De 1000 de ani nu am mai vazut o fiinta
feminina. Deci, doresc sa ma culc cu nevasta ta.
Tinerii se supun si dupa cateva minute spiritul si
femeia sunt in puternica activitate, timp in care
sotul s-a intors pe terenul de golf si isi continua
partida...
- Cati ani are sotul tau? o intreaba spiritul pe
tanara femeie.
- 37! raspunde sotia, gafaind.
- Ciudat... la varsta lui mai crede in spirite?
-----signature-----
"Captain Solo never decelerates in these situations.He seems to enjoy seeing how close we can come to chrashing without actually doing so.I can't tell you the number of times that we have been statistically doomed, only to escape at the last mo----"
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Milena_Syan
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
7/24 9:20am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Facts about engineers - you probably know them by now ...
ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
Straighten it.
Ignore it.
Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar- powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
Important social contacts
A feeling of connectedness with other humans
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
Get it over with as soon as possible
Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant
Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house.
While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
Bill Gates
MacGyver
Etcetera
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.
HONESTY
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.
"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."
FRUGALITY
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely.
Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
RISK
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
Hindenberg
Space Shuttle Challenger
SPANet(tm)
Hubble space telescope
Apollo 13
Titanic
Ford Pinto
Corvair
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing.
The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."
EGO
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
How smart they are.
How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex -- and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."
At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
-----signature-----
There is no death. There are no limits. Fan Force Romania Binding the galaxy since 2004 http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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MaraStardreamer
Registered:
Apr '06
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Date Posted:
7/24 9:53am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Milena_Syan posted:
most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Cred ca doar "inginerii" se amagesc cu ideea asta. Ma indoiesc ca "oamenii normali" ar vrea sa aiba astfel de copii 
PS: N-am citit chiar tot  
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It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
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Milena_Syan
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
7/24 10:10am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
- Date Edited:
7/24 10:12am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Milena_Syan
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Mara, I seriously think you should reconsider  ... given that you have no less than two kids with an enginner. 
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There is no death. There are no limits. Fan Force Romania Binding the galaxy since 2004 http://boards.theforce.net/romania/b10647/p1
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MaraStardreamer
Registered:
Apr '06
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Date Posted:
7/24 10:16am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
- Date Edited:
7/24 10:32am (2 edits total)
Edited By:
MaraStardreamer
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Are you sure? Oricum, nu m-am gandit la asta cand i-am facut. Dar sunt sigura ca asta e motivul pentru care-s asa destepti... 
Anyway, sper din tot sufletul sa-si piarda virginatatea inainte de a avea joburi bine platite. Inainte de a avea joburi prost platite, daca stau sa ma gandesc bine...
-----signature-----
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
8/5 1:54am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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In case of emergency, look at the beautiful pictures and remember what to do:
http://www.safenow.org/
This had me laughing insanely: "If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass."
-----signature-----
… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
8/8 5:30am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Rejected cards:
http://www.mymilliondollaryear.com/rejected/
AWESOOOOME!
I want to send some. 
-----signature-----
… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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MaraStardreamer
Registered:
Apr '06
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Date Posted:
8/9 11:48am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Lista de messenger a lui Gigi Becali
-----signature-----
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here...
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
8/12 1:31am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Oh da, am vazut-o si de asta.
Russia is attacking Georgia?
http://fumpr.com/images/ja9649gwx25j20sykl0q.png
Ohmigod, should we hide in the mall?!
-----signature-----
… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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Chantal
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
8/13 7:05am
Subject:
RE: humor - umor (general) :)
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Eu rad de ma zarcolesc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JynBEX_kg8&feature=rec-fresh
Ultima parte cel putin e incredibil de amuzanta!
-----signature-----
… We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
(The Tempest, IV, 1, 17)
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