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Topic:
The Writers' Guild
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Sanctimoniously
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
12/6/06 9:02am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Got another story that's ready for some more reads. It has been sent for publication in a revised form.
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Fenrisulven
Registered:
Nov '04
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Date Posted:
12/14/06 2:21pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Valyn posted:
Aside from a few typos (and lack of spacing to help my aging eyes!  ), it was funny. I laughed 
At first, I was kinda' wondering how Criff was going to get down. I thought he would just snake his way along the branch's length until he reached the end and then just scoop the rope up over the end. But then... 
Thanks for liking the story . Great to hear that someone think it's funny.
Ah, typos... I'll never get rid of them it seems.
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There's a demon in the fridge. Get it Out.
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-RebelScum-
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
12/17/06 3:26am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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It's great to see my little thread is still going, in any case though I'm working on a story tentatively titled Brimstone and Traildust, it's about one of Satan's children usurping him and casting (and banishing him) from Hell, he is unable to return to do to a barrier erected during the banishment process and so he is forced to wander the Earth as he still has dominion over that.
I've come up with a decent enough plot outline (I never plan this terribly much though, my stories are mostly character driven, and Satan is too dynamic to pre-script terribly much) but would like opinions to what direction I should head with this story, if the plot-line is believable, and are there any "must see" scenes I should throw Satan in, the options for tongue in cheek humor is limitless. (Though it isn't a comedy)
-The Scummy-
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Fantasy Keeps Me Sane.
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Master-FatBurt
Registered:
Jul '03
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Date Posted:
12/20/06 7:05am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
- Date Edited:
12/20/06 7:16am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Master-FatBurt
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The very beginning of Twilight.
This is not the full first chapter and the first chapter is more of a prologue that introduces us to the antagonist of the story.
Any feedback will be appreciated.
The storm had hit hard and fast, Turannos stood valiantly at the steering oar trying to hold the small bireme steady as his two remaining deckhands Estevao and Zotico valiantly tried to drop the large square sail that was pulling the boat about. The wind whipping back and forth gave the two men little chance to take up any slack on the lines holding the sail in place.
“Cut the damn thing” Turannos shouted through the noise.
What had started out to be a simple fishing trip for his village, had turned into a death struggle against nature in all it vicious glory.
“Poseidon should look out for small boats as well as Brizo” he thought as he grimly held onto the creaking oar.
He saw one of his deckhands running through the gloom towards the mast and thought he saw the glint of light of a blade. “The lines at either end, cut them and the sail will flap free” he shouted. “We lose this drag and we can sit the storm out, make some repairs and then head in.”
He watched on as one side of the sail suddenly came free and started flapping uselessly in the wind which had just started to intensify again, he saw then that it was Zotico who was trying to cut the sail free and that Estevao was standing idly yet again, he was about to get Estevao to start getting the galley oars out when the bireme started bucking against the waves as the wind dragged it about. Turannos lost his footing and the steering oar slipped from his hand as he tumbled to the deck he skidded on the wet surface as he scrambled to his feet desperately trying to grab hold of the oar before it fell over the side into the raging sea.
“Damn it all” he muttered as he just missed grabbing it, “we’ve lost control now boys, we have to get that sail down or we’re done for” he shouted to the deckhands as he jumped down into main hull to assist. He saw that Zotico was already cutting furiously at the other line as he got to the mast, with a twang the line broke free and the sail started flapping uselessly against the mast. “The trailing lines may be dangerous so we’d best take cover until the storm dies, get over here” he instructed the two men as he hunkered down towards the rear of the small craft.
“These wallowers aren’t meant to take this kind of beating” he muttered
“We could push out the oars and me and Estevao could try to bring us about boss” Zotico suggested muc to Estevao’s dismay.
“It’s not worth it” Turannos replied, “The wind is too strong and it’s whipping up too much swell, the two of you could never hope to guide us in or even hold us in place and the effort you’d put in to try would kill you, if we had the rest of the men I would have considered it but as there’s only three of us left….”
Turannos continued “We’re only a short distance from shore and we should get pushed back in sooner rather than later so we may only have to make a few repairs before we get back to the village, we may not have many fish for them but at least we’ll be alive and if we can get some more men we can go out again to find the nets we dropped.”
“But boss we have no idea where we are” Estevao responded “and even if we did we have no idea how to fix this boat if we beach, it may be small but it was at least in one piece when it was found on the beech.”
“Your point being?” asked Turannos
“Well, this was a small warship and we’ve turned it into an undermanned fishing vessel and it gets used for trade down the coast but none of us have a clue how to fix it. We have no tools for the job and no one experienced in repairing boats as Timon’s went over the side with the first big wave. If we beech and we beech hard or we come up on a rocky beech we’re going to have no way of repairing any damage done to the hull, without getting back out to sea we’re going to have no idea on which way we need to go home, we could be stranded boss.”
Turannos could see the fear in his eyes, Estevao was a hard worker when watched but he was also lazy and cowardly and that was always a risk when putting out to sea. Zotico was a different matter, he was pragmatic and was prepared to face adversity with an intensity that Turannos had rarely seen in a young man. He knew that Zotico could be counted on but Estevao would need regular prompting and reassurance to get through the next few hours or even days if things went wrong.
Turannos looked over the side out to an angry sea; whitecaps were being thrown up everywhere and the salt sting in his eyes made the grey of the sky and sea seem to merge into one, he blinked repeatedly to clear his vision as he started to roll out some lashings to enable them to secure themselves to the deck.
“Here” he called out to Zotico as he threw him the rope, “tie yourselves to something but make sure you can get free in a hurry, I’ll be back in a minute.” Turannos started edging down to the bow of the ship with the intensions of throwing the anchor rocks over the side in a hope to reduce the drag.
Another wave smashed into the side of the boat knocking him off his feet again, “Brizo’s making me work hard for this” he grumbled as he grabbed hold of the crate holding the boulder. He opened the crates hatch and pushed the boulder out and over the side of the boat in to the sea he watched as the line securing the anchor to the boat played itself out and suddenly snap taut. “We have drag so we should have a chance” he thought as he made his way back to the small sheltered cubby that his men were lashed down in.
“You ok Boss?” Estevao asked as Turannos started to secure himself to the deck.
“I just dropped the anchor” he replied to quizzical looks, “it’s meant to slow the boat and make it harder for the storm to move us, at least that’s what Timons said when he advised we tie off and carry that great big boulder. Lets see if it works”
The waves continued to crash into the boat throughout the night as the rain hammered down soaking the three men to the bone.
Turannos woke suddenly, the night air was still and the boat was rocking slowly back and forth on a still sea, looking at his two shipmates he could see in the dim light that they were fast asleep and not wishing to disturb them he set off to give his bireme the once over. Looking out over the rails he saw a think blanket of fog surrounding the boat and while the boat itself was clear there was the odd one or two wisps that would travel the lngth of the boat here and there.
“Estavao would hate this,” he thought to himself with a wry grin as he headed up towards the bow. He checked the anchor line and saw that it was still taut and the boat seemed to have little drift
He patted the rail absently “Timons was right” he said to the boats figurehead.
“Yes he was” a hollow voice responded.
This is currently the very first draft and as I'm sure you've guessed it's incomplete. I have finished the chapter but I'm not posting it all. I have some spelling, grammar and punctuation issue to sort out and a little more fleshing out, I also haven't yet got physical descriptions in yet either but they can wait.
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rebel_cheese
Registered:
Jul '06
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Date Posted:
1/16/07 5:54am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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I tend to write soft(er) sci-fi and dark fantasy (read: vampires, werewolves, you get the idea) more than anything else. I'm trying to prepare a few short stories for publishing right now. I've hardened some of my science so Analog and Asimov's would be a bit more willing to accept. And, in case that dark, Earthian fantasy isn't acceptable to my known fantasy mags (Realms of Fantasy, World Fantasy Magazine), I'm writing a medieval fantasy novelette. In the meantime, I'm trying to write my full-length sci-fi novel (think Lord of the Flies/Dread Empire's Fall). This means that my fanfiction has suffered, but I just want to get published in some form and get a check in the mail, so to speak.
I actually wanted to write mystery/suspense novels first, but trying to break through in those genres is almost impossible. It took Dean Koontz twenty years before he wrote a bestseller, and that was in the sixties-seventies-through the late eighties before his novel Strangers popped up on the lists. I can't imagine what it's like now.
Once I think one of the shorts are publishing-ready I'll show you guys soon. In the meantime, if you want a general idea of what my prose looks like (I have two styles: a plainer one for sci-fi, which you guys don't really see on this site, and a fancier, more detailed one for fantasy which is the one I generally use here) check my profile and sig for fanfics.
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Padawan of princess_of_naboo E-married to the amazing padawanlost  Member of Charon_Force Beginning's End: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28450077&brd=10477&replies=1
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moosemousse
Title: CR - FF:UK South
Registered:
Oct '04
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Date Posted:
2/4/07 4:06am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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I'm trying to write a book atm, and it's not going too badly, though I am a little busy so I've not had much time to write it. The problem is that, while parts of it are going well, there's little to keep it together, the chapters don't flow continuously in one story, it's like a lot of stories joined together. Does anyone have any ideas how I can change things so that it flows better?
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Vader's Mousedroid Society Fanfic links in my bio My fan art: http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/26961879/ when infected with Small Child the victim continues to swell for nine months before the infection can be safely removed
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Coruscant
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
2/4/07 1:38pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Don't attempt to make chapters. Just write out one big narrative and worry about dividing it all later, or even let your publisher/editor worry about it.
I stopped making chapters in my manuscripts in 2003 and haven't made a single chapter since, on any of my projects.
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GraySaberFreque
Registered:
Nov '06
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Date Posted:
2/10/07 6:30pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Hello, i'm new to this forum, but this thread looked interesting.
I'm working ojn a fantasy novel called soulless right now, here's an exert, please tell me what you think.
Soulless
By Daniel Morton
4543A.T.L.E.K Artus, the dead moon…..
Imperator Mortuussomes looked over his throne room. Even after spending many centuries unmoved in there, it was still interesting. The walls were filled with portraits, many wonderful portraits, but these were not normal portraits. He saw the painting of an old human woman suddenly change into a portrait of a 4 year old elfin boy. These portraits showed death, and with each death, a new subject in the kingdom whether it be spirit, spirtless, or half spirit……..
His second in command Animusin, Imperator Vernula, stepped inside. His face was emotionless as always, for he was a half spirit strong in body, where as Mortuussomes was strong in spirit ever remaining on his throne. Animusin always depressed him, for his body was that of a young fourteen year old cut down in his childhood. “Lord Imperator, the Prophets of the Soul Taker have answered your question” Animusin said in his ever emotionless tone.
“Yes?” Mortuussomes asked.
“They said that your visions have been confirmed” Animusin said with a little curiosity shown in his face. The emotion must have been strong for it to even show a little bit.
“You seem curious” Mortuusommes said.
“Yes.” Animusin told him “it must be fairly urgent to ask the Prophets during the summer.”
“It is,” Mortuussomes confirmed “I have had many visions as of late, which tell of a time when our world of the dead, and the world of the living, will be intertwined…”
“ Impossible sir, as you know the only way to and from our worlds are portals which only spirits and half-spirits can generate” Animusin said.
“The visions were confirmed Animusin, Mortuussomes replied , “you doubt the worlds of the almighty soul keeper?”
“Of course not sir, but I still can’t…….” Animusin tried to state but Mortuussomes interrupted.
“Then you must take a small party to the world of the living, sign an agreement with the king there, understood?”
“Yes Imperator” Animusin said, and left the throne room…
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The_Flargg
Registered:
Jun '04
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Date Posted:
2/11/07 5:32pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Alright...I write (a bit) and have been viewing this thread for some time w/o posting. And I was inspired to get an account at this oft-used Writing.com site. And I'm bad at making links, so if anyone cares, you can view my story here:
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1216507
It's short, so far...and kinda weird. If anyone likes it, I could write more.
Thanks in advance to anyone who cares.
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"If yousa strike meesa down, meesa gonna become more annoying than you could possibly be imaginin'!" - Jar-Jar
--The real reason for Anakin's turn to the Dark Side.
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moosemousse
Title: CR - FF:UK South
Registered:
Oct '04
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Date Posted:
2/17/07 11:50pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Is it ok if I post some fiction here?
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Vader's Mousedroid Society Fanfic links in my bio My fan art: http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/26961879/ when infected with Small Child the victim continues to swell for nine months before the infection can be safely removed
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NYCitygurl
Title: Railroad Baroness of SFFBC, C&G, and NSWFF
Registered:
Jul '02
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Date Posted:
2/18/07 5:24am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Yes, posting excerpts is fine 
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"We Earth Men have a talent for ruining big, beautiful things." ~ Master of padawanlost, Ultima_1 and Jedimaster_JainaSolo
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moosemousse
Title: CR - FF:UK South
Registered:
Oct '04
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Date Posted:
2/19/07 10:28pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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He was sitting at the bar sipping a frozen margaritas, she stood at his side drinking the same thing and watching the dance floor.
"She's beautiful." she said suddenly.
He looked her, "hm?"
"Her, the glowing one," she gesticulated over the top of her glass.
He turned to look and immediately saw who she meant, he was surprised. This was an alternative club and the place was full of UV lighting and everyone was glowing, but no one glowed quite like she did.
Her short black dress clung to her body like a second skin as she danced serpentine to industrial beat of Straftanz. It was covered in UV reactive pink tribal markings that formed an intricate pattern, the pattern continued down her arms and around the left eye. Her legs were undecorated save for the UV pink fishnet stockings, and her fluffy pink boots were glowing under the light as well. Her hair flashed with a pink glow as it danced around her head.
He nodded, "indeed she is." He sipped his drink. "Do you think we should?"
She sipped her, "maybe."
The song ended and the dancer had had enough and stopped to catch her breath. The dancer looked about and saw them looking at her. They raised their drinks and smiled. She smiled back. The dancer turned and walked away, her hips swaying like saplings in a strong breeze. As the dancer reached the door she turned and smiled at her, winked and left.
She finished her drink and set it down and went after the dancer.
He sighed and ordered another drink.
It was a few minutes later when she and the dancer came back.
"Maria," she said, "this is Jim. Jim, this is Maria."
Maria shook his hand and he offered to buy her a drink.
"Thank you, something cold please."
He turned to the bar and ordered a frozen margaritas. "You can't get much colder than this."
She took a sip as she accepted it, "Thank you."
"We were thinking of heading home soon," he said, finishing his own drink, "would you care to join us?"
Maria looked at them both, her gaze lingered on her as she slipped her hands over Maria's hips and moved a bit closer.
"It'll be fun," she whispered in Maria's ear. She whispered something else and Maria looked shocked, and then embarrassed.
Maria looked at her and whispered something back.
They spoke like this for a few minutes until the song changed and Maria perked up. "I love this song. Tanz mit mir!"
She smiled, her gaze drifting from Maria's beautiful face to her perfect cleavage. "Sure."
They danced until the song was over, he just sat watching them. He stood as the song ended and met them on the dance floor. They walked out together, with Maria in the middle.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
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Vader's Mousedroid Society Fanfic links in my bio My fan art: http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/26961879/ when infected with Small Child the victim continues to swell for nine months before the infection can be safely removed
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Sanctimoniously
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
2/22/07 8:47am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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That was. . .that was interesting. Other than some capitalisation goofs, I can't find anything to nitpick. Very good.
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moosemousse
Title: CR - FF:UK South
Registered:
Oct '04
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Date Posted:
2/23/07 12:47pm
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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Thanks.
I was kinda worried that it'd be a bit confusing.
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Vader's Mousedroid Society Fanfic links in my bio My fan art: http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/26961879/ when infected with Small Child the victim continues to swell for nine months before the infection can be safely removed
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Sanctimoniously
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
2/27/07 8:55am
Subject:
RE: The Writers' Guild
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http://www.writing.com/authors/darthjosh13
If anyone would like to take a gander at some of my writing, there's the place to go.
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