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Topic:
Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
6/22/05 11:41am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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the cold fluorescent lights of the Dunblane Little Chef sparked a harsh gleam off DCI Vader's helmet, as he strode up and down the line of hard looking individuals assembled in front of the abandoned service counter.
'Descriptions of the people I want you to locate are included alongside the disclaimer forms. Should this assignment come to the attention of the media, the polis will deny all knowledge of your involvement. Should you try to grass us up, we will ensure that your stay in Barlinnie will be ... unpleasant'
'However, if any of you successfully bring me these fugitives - and I want them intact - no slashing - the reward will be substantial'
Standing by the postcard rack, a ranked officer whispered conspiratorially to a junior uniformed PC..
'Football casuals... it sticks in ma throat that we're using vicious wee keechs like them to do polis work. Vsder's aff his heid...'
The moustachioed DCI turned subtly in their direction, and the officer abruptly flushed and fell silent.
Vader returned his gaze to the scarred and heavily tattooed Dunfermline casual at the head of the football hooligans...Bob Fae Fife.
'whit? you waiting for a kiss goodbye? get oan with it - bring me Sheepshagger .'
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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Cobranaconda
Title: Ex-FF-UK: South CR
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
6/23/05 5:34pm
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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DD updated it!
I wus jist aboot tae dae it maself!
Anyway, 
Still as funny as ever!
-----signature-----
Winner of "Most Likely to Get a Life" in the EUC Awards  "Zetsubou shita!" "We find that your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe." "Making love in a canoe?" "It's ****ing close to water."
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Obi_one_and_only
Registered:
Jul '01
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Date Posted:
6/24/05 6:06am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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Woo Hoo!
-----signature-----
Soundwave superior, Constructicons inferior.
Secretum finis Africae manus supra idolum age primum et septimum de quatuor
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
I am a liar.
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
6/30/05 4:25am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
- Date Edited:
6/30/05 6:57am (2 edits total)
Edited By:
Jairen
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Across the wet and windswept Millport Moors, Sheepshagger huffs and puffs, staggering under the weight of Old Dan, who is sitting nonchalantly on his shoulders, using his head as a skinning-up table…
OLD DAN: "Run! Faster ya wee choob. A Nedi's strength flows from the Fartz.
SHEEPSHAGGER: "Just as long as that’s all that’s flowing wi yoor fartz, ya old minger – its hard enough to breathe jogging wi’ you on ma back, wi’out having tae hold ma nose every time I feel a rumble…."
OLD DAN: "Cheek you give me. Defiance. Need that bad attitude you do not. To the Back Side it can lead you…
SHEEPSHAGGER: "The Back Side ?
OLD DAN: "mmmmmm yes, …. anger, fear, moustaches, the Back Side of the Fartz they serve. Dinnae fall for it, or forever will it dominate yir destiny, as it did Obi Wan McNulty’s last apprentice
Next to a scrubby patch of gorse bushes, Sheepshagger stumbled to a halt.
SHEEPSHAGGER: DCI Vader ! McNulty never did explain aboot him. Fact, he got shifty-looking whenever I mentioned the subject. Whit’s the score?
OLD DAN: aye… well…..mmmmmmm...LOOK! A nudey-book. See it can you ?
SHEEPSHAGGER: Where? Where ?
OLD DAN: Under yon bush. Get it you could, if crawl in you did.
Without further ado, Luke lifted the wizened old Nedi master off his shoulders, got down on his hands and knees, and scrambled into the shadows under the gorse…but by some trick of the light, the discarded scud mag had somehow seemed far closer when he’d been stood outside.
Now he was amongst the branches and thorns, it seemed much further away, though he could just make out that the brunette on the cover had tremendous funbags, which justified continuing deeper into the undergrowth.
From what now sounded like a tremendous distance, Old Dan shouts after him….
"Careful you should be. No toilets there are on this moor. The bushes ramblers use. Mind no put yir hand in a keech…"
In the centre of the bush, Luke found that the plant had grown tall and formed a dark, dank empty space, devoid of light and life. Abruptly, he was scared ********.
And the scud mag, which had looked so enticing fae outside, turned out to be an ancient copy of Hello with Carole Vorderman on the front.
SHEEPSHAGGER:"Buggeration…this is nae good, nae good at all"
Behind him, he distinctly heard the ‘snick’ of a Stanley blade being unsheathed, and he whirled to see a big black shape towering over him.
‘AAAAAAAGHHHH YA BASSSSER’he yelped, snatching his own blade from his belt and waving it about in front of himself. The air was suddenly full of fluttering movement and an unearthly stink, as the hanging binbag full of used nappies he’d just slashed open emptied its contents over him.
Crying, hysterical, and covered in baby poo, he charged out of the bush, with no regard to the whipping branches and tearing thorns, to fall at the feet of Old Dan, who was quietly enjoying a single-skinner.
OLD DAN: mmmmm learned something you have…dinnae rake through old rubbish, or jobbies you will find mmmmm?"
Edit: removed some swearing
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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Cobranaconda
Title: Ex-FF-UK: South CR
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
6/30/05 8:07am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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That was bloody hilarious.
MrDankDonk posted:
OLD DAN: aye… well…..mmmmmmm...LOOK! A nudey-book. See it can you ?
That bit got me in hysterics!
-----signature-----
Winner of "Most Likely to Get a Life" in the EUC Awards "Zetsubou shita!" "We find that your American beer is a little like making love in a canoe." "Making love in a canoe?" "It's ****ing close to water."
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
6/30/05 5:27pm
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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Unbeknown to each other, while the Polis bus is parked up round the front, the Capri Falcon is also parked at the Dunblane Little Chef, but safely out of sight, round the back, next to the bins..... which is where we join Chewin' Baccy, as he searches for dinner
"HRRROOOWWR it-shtinks-in-these-middens-no"
"Stop yir whining," snarled Handsome, who was busy poking at the Capri's left headlight to see if it could be made to point, however approximately, back at the ground.
"If they've followed standard Little Chef procedure, all the just out-of-date sausage rolls and pies will be buried under the old lettuce...... get dug down and dig a few oot.... they'll be fine wance their brushed aff.....oh aye, and see if there's any ketchup sachets in there too.
That'll help hide the taste."
Senga McGlimpshey looked unimpressed.
"You fair know how to spoil a girl, dontcha?"
"Listen, yir Hairyness, the car is gubbed, we're all starvin', and hauf the polis in Scotland are looking for us. If ye want a McDonalds, ye better start walking and hope ye pass a shop that sell's false beards"
"Pasties !" grunted Chewin' Baccy
"Good man. Gies a couple here an' I'll stick 'em on the cylinder heid to warm up. God knows, the engine's jist about glowing red hot - why waste energy," smiled Solo.
Senga: "So tell me mair about yir brewer pal in Croy....."
Handsome: " well, he's no always been in the distilling business..... he used to grow dope in a blacked-oot, lamped-up warehouse in Maryhill, that's when I knew him, but it couldn'y last. When the wind was the right way, ye could smell the plants in Govan. So wan day, he took his profits, bought an old distillery and set up shop as a legit manufacturer of fine Highland malt.
Senga: "well, if he's gone straight, he'll no be too impressed wi' you turning up out the blue with a carload o' fugitives from justice, will he?
Handsome: "Naaah. He's still got no love for the Polis. Last I heard, when the factory shuts doon at night, he keeps a few stills running to knock out illegal batches of poteen.Ye can take the boy out of Maryhill, but ye cannae take Maryhill out of the boy...
Senga: "but how we going to get there? ye said yirself, the car is overheated tae hell and we cannae try starting her up again for hours."
Handsome: " See that big Citylink bus round the corner?"
Senga: "Aye......"
Handsome: "That'll be heading back onto the motorway soon..."
Senga: "Aye.......?"
Handsome: "Chewin' ! get the tow rope out the boot"
Senga: "Yiv got tae be kidding me......"
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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Andreas_Lamont
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
7/4/05 9:02am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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LOL, goddam marvelous. twa pint for the creators..
Cheers
-----signature-----
(waves hand) This is not the Signature you are looking for
Yoda FTW!
Has mastered the spanner throwing profession
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AngelaJade
Registered:
Feb '03
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Date Posted:
7/11/05 10:42am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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"Bob Fae Fife"
*falls off chair laughing*
-----signature-----
Every cloud has a silver lining...except for the mushroom-shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90.
http://starwarschicks.com
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DARTH_DONALD
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
7/24/05 1:59pm
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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hey guys come on!! we all wont more, i goin into withdrawl with out my dose of this!!! PLEASE, we need more  
-----signature-----
Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength
Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory
Through victory, my chains are broken
The Force shall free me.
Wipe them out...... All of them
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
7/25/05 3:19am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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aye. I'm on the case 
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
7/26/05 4:31pm
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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though I'd have got more done if I hadn'y went home and drank a bottle of Bruichladdich with ma drummer,,,
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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Obi_one_and_only
Registered:
Jul '01
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Date Posted:
7/28/05 11:36am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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-----signature-----
Soundwave superior, Constructicons inferior.
Secretum finis Africae manus supra idolum age primum et septimum de quatuor
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
I am a liar.
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
7/29/05 2:36am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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uuuuuuurr
I get heartburn just looking at that.
how're ye doing Zorba ? still in Glasgow ?
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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Obi_one_and_only
Registered:
Jul '01
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Date Posted:
7/29/05 2:43am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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Aye, still in Glasgow.
I haven't managed to find anything in terms of a lab job (general funding shortage  ) and so I have to go back to Greece in 5-6 weeks.
-----signature-----
Soundwave superior, Constructicons inferior.
Secretum finis Africae manus supra idolum age primum et septimum de quatuor
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
I am a liar.
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MrDankDonk
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
7/29/05 4:06am
Subject:
RE: Star Wars (in Glaswegian) Episode IV - Ra Polis Strike Back
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well, at least you'll be getting home in time to miss the Scottish winter...
are ye coming back in the spring? or looking for jobs in Greece?
-----signature-----
http://www.myspace.com/meaniesmusic its all "temps insignifiant gaspillant des testicules" - CJ Foreman "I lust, therefore I sodomise" - DBN's Big Book of JC Etiquette
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