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Author	Topic: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
ardavenport Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 10/2/06 8:05pm Subject: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot - Date Edited: 10/9/06 7:43pm (4 edits total) Edited By: ardavenport
	Title: The Black Sith Author: ardavenport Timeframe: ROTS Genre: Humor, Crossover / Monty Python Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader Keywords Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, Sith Summary: OK, someone suggested something on my last (until now, only) Monty Python crossover, so I just had to do this...a different view of the climactic battle between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader on Mustafar. Notes: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don’t catch being my speciality – if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy. Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm and Monty Python’s Flying Circus; I’m just playing in their sandbox Two Knights face off over the molten rivers of Mutafar. The shielded droid platform under the two mortal enemies skims over the deadly orange lava flow. “Aaaauuuugggghhh!” The music rises. Lightsabers clash with deadly energy, brighter, even more deadly than the molten rock. “Unnhh. Aaaauuuggggh!!” One light, one dark. They struggle to kill each other. The Force is really disturbed. “Unh! Arugh! Aaaaarrraaauuuugggghhh!!! The darkly clad Sith is young and strong with hate and anger. The older (but not too old), bearded Master is weakening, tiring under the betrayal of his former pupil, his light tunics are spotted and singed from ash and hot cinders. Even with their faces singed and smudged with soot and sweat, their hair mussed and dusted with ash, they are both still rather good looking. “Ooofff! Unngghh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhh!!!!” They pass close by the banks of the lava lake and Obi-Wan Kenobi sees his chance. He leaps high into the air. The Force carries him to land on the rise of a hill of ash-covered, blackened gravel. “You fight well, Anakin. But it’s over.” The droid platform slowly carries the Sith back to his target. Darth Vader yellowed eyes smolder. “You can’t win this now.” Slowly, the Sith draws closer, his expression as black as the Dark Side. Or possibly it was just petulant, since the former Anakin Skywalker had that kind of face. “You were the Chosen One!” Kenobi shouts, unable to contain his anguish. Darth Vader glares back up at him. “You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join it! Bring balance to the Force not leave it in darkness!!” Kenobi cries out, letting out his real feelings. The droid platform stops, the Sith Lord atop it remains motionless. “This is the end for you, My Master,” Vader finally says, ominously. Kenobi shakes his head. “I have the high ground.” He raises his hands, pointing out the charred, but still non-molten hill he stands on. “You underestimate My Power!” “Don’t try it.” Kenobi warns. “Nnnnaaaauuuggghhhh!!!!” Vader leaps up into the air. Higher than Obi-Wan did. He flips gracefully over, his lightsaber ready. The Jedi Master neatly picks off the arm holding it. The bright blue blade winks out and the lightsaber hilt falls down at Kenobi’s feet. “It’s over, Anakin!” he declares. “It’s just a scratch.” Vader leaps to his feet and tosses his head back. A few bits of ash artfully fall off his full head of hair. Obi-Wan’s stares back. “A scratch? Your arm's off!” “No, it isn't.” Obi-Wan points at the still twitching, mechanical limb between them. “Well, what's that, then?” “I've had worse.” Vader doesn’t look down at the severed arm. “You liar!” Obi-Wan shouts back. “Come on, you pansy!” Vader’s lightsaber springs up into the air and ignites as it lands in his other hand. He attacks. Mmmmmm-fzzzzt!!! Ssssss-mmmaacccccckkk!!! Fzzztttt-mmmmmmm-waaaack!!! Kenobi cuts Vader’s other arm off. The former Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber again falls harmlessly at Obi-Wan Kenobi’s feet. Vader now has two, matching black stumps at his shoulders. “Victory is mine!” Kenobi declares. He kneels to pick of the fallen lightsaber. “Hah!” Vader jumps forward, kicking at Kenobi. “Come on, then!” Kenobi leaps up, still holding his opponent's weapon. “What?” “Have at you!” Anakin continues kicking at Kenobi, but since he is lower on the slope of the hill, and the black gravel keeps sliding out from under him, it’s pretty ineffective. “The fight is mine, Anakin. You’ve lost.” “Oh, had enough, eh?” Vader continues to challenge Kenobi, dancing from foot to foot and thrusting his shoulders forward. “Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!” Kenobi points at the stumps at his shoulders. “Yes, I have,” Vader denies. “Look!” Kenobi points down at the pair of arms that Vader is trying not to step on as he continues throwing ankle kicks. “Just a flesh wound,” Vader declares. “Look, stop that.” A bit grossed out now, Kenobi steps back up the hill. “Coward!” He skips from side to side, dodging his head. “Nyah, Nyah, Nyah!” “Look, I'll have your leg.” Kenobi warns, but Vader keeps moving, jabbing at him with his non-arms. “Right!” Ffffffffzzzzzzzzzzttttt!!! Kenobi’s saber flashes, chopping off Vader’s right leg. Vader looks down at the now separated leg before him. Then up at his old Master. Then down at the leg. Then back up again. “Right. I'll do you for that!” “You'll what?” Kenobi stares back, astonished. “Come here!” Vader demands, still keeping his balance while bouncing up and down on his one remaining leg. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” the Jedi asks, his voice thick with sarcasm. Darth Vader angrily hops at Kenobi. “I'm invincible! You underestimate MY POWER!!!” Master Obi-Wan Kenobi stares down at what is left of his former apprentice and the limbs on the ashy ground between them, their ends still smoking. “You're a looney.” “The Sith will triumph! I will RULE THE GALAXY!!! Have at you! Come on, then!” MMMmm-FFFFzzzzztttt!!! Kenobi chops off Darth Vader’s last leg with his lightsaber. The Sith falls and lays limbless on the shore of the lava lake. “Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.” Kenobi doesn’t even look back as he turns and walks off, up the hill. Flames lick up from the lava lake, at Darth Vader’s leg stumps. “Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!” Kenobi passes over the crest of the ash gravel hill and disappears. Fire engulfs the Sith. – END – -----signature----- Links to all fics -- http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=25405090&brd=10304&start=26223917 The Heart of the Jedi -- http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/26013327 ---- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, JA and everything you wanted to know about lightsabers
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oqidaun Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 10/2/06 9:25pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS humor, one-shot
	LOL! This was great! Bloody brilliant!!! I started to lose it at: “It’s just a scratch.” Vader leaps to his feet and tosses his head back. A few bits of ash artfully fall off his full head of hair. Obi-Wan’s stares back. “A scratch? Your arm's off!” But I definitely hurt myself laughing at the mental image of Vader hopping angrily. Excellent work! -----signature----- . . . . I'm so bad, I banned myself.
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Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 10/2/06 9:46pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS humor, one-shot
	I think the image of Darth Vader screaming "Come on, you Pansy!" will keep me smiling the rest of the work day, Ardavenport! I loved the way this one read through - it kept springing to mind that this was like one of those 'alternate ending' options on a DVD Your style was great. Little lines like this: Even with their faces singed and smudged with soot and sweat, their hair mussed and dusted with ash, they are both still rather good looking. make for my favourite kind of comedy. Well done on a great read -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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ardavenport Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 10/9/06 7:41pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS humor, one-shot
	oqidaun: Thanks! This was one of those ideas, when I noticed the similarities between the two scenes, just HAD to be written down. Glad you enjoyed it! Luton_Plunder: Thank-you! Yeah, I couldn‛t resist having Darth Vader calling Obi-Wan a ‛pansy‛ and hopping around angrily. -----signature----- Links to all fics -- http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=25405090&brd=10304&start=26223917 The Heart of the Jedi -- http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/26013327 ---- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, JA and everything you wanted to know about lightsabers
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Arcalian Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 10/9/06 7:48pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	LOL. You know, someone did something like this on YouTube, dubbing Vader dialouge in over the black knight.... -----signature----- Arcalian If you don't take yourself seriously, who else will? http://arcalian.deviantart.com/ http://idlewilder.proboards54.com/index.cgi?
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KELIA Title: The Pretty in Pink Fan Fic Manager Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 10/10/06 9:46am Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	Vader/Anakin doesn't know when to quit, does he? Even with their faces singed and smudged with soot and sweat, their hair mussed and dusted with ash, they are both still rather good looking. I agree! Nice job -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 NaNaWriMo Progress: 32,105
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VaderLVR64 Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 10/10/06 9:50am Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	I think I pulled something I laughed so hard! “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” the Jedi asks, his voice thick with sarcasm. Darth Vader angrily hops at Kenobi. “I'm invincible! You underestimate MY POWER!!!” Master Obi-Wan Kenobi stares down at what is left of his former apprentice and the limbs on the ashy ground between them, their ends still smoking. “You're a looney.” “The Sith will triumph! I will RULE THE GALAXY!!! Have at you! Come on, then!” MMMmm-FFFFzzzzztttt!!! Kenobi chops off Darth Vader’s last leg with his lightsaber. The Sith falls and lays limbless on the shore of the lava lake. “Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.” Kenobi doesn’t even look back as he turns and walks off, up the hill. Flames lick up from the lava lake, at Darth Vader’s leg stumps. “Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!” Kenobi passes over the crest of the ash gravel hill and disappears. Fire engulfs the Sith. That was absolutely priceless! -----signature----- R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian Never forgotten Soldiers' Angels http://soldiersangels.org/ 2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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Layren Registered: Oct '03	Date Posted: 10/10/06 10:07am Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	“Come here!” Vader demands, still keeping his balance while bouncing up and down on his one remaining leg. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” the Jedi asks, his voice thick with sarcasm. Darth Vader angrily hops at Kenobi. “I'm invincible! You underestimate MY POWER!!!” Master Obi-Wan Kenobi stares down at what is left of his former apprentice and the limbs on the ashy ground between them, their ends still smoking. “You're a looney.” “The Sith will triumph! I will RULE THE GALAXY!!! Have at you! Come on, then!” MMMmm-FFFFzzzzztttt!!! Kenobi chops off Darth Vader’s last leg with his lightsaber. The Sith falls and lays limbless on the shore of the lava lake. “Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.” Kenobi doesn’t even look back as he turns and walks off, up the hill. Flames lick up from the lava lake, at Darth Vader’s leg stumps. “Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!” Absolutely kriffin brilliant. Excellent work! I laughed so hard I laughed aloud -----signature----- Proud Master to Ara-gon The Triad Chronicles http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/25934993/p1/?177 (OC's) Into Another Day http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/27926050/p1/?0 2008 Dear Diary Challenge I am Jinngerbread.
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ardavenport Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 10/17/06 7:46pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	Arcalian: Glad you liked it. It's been done on YouTube, too? Oh, I must go look sometime. Thanks! KELIA: Thanks! Yes, even in the middle of a fight (or especially?) they are awfully good looking Jedi. VaderLVR64: Thanks! So, glad you had a good laugh. But I can't take too much credit for most of the lines (since they come straight from Monty Python), just the scnene mixing. Layren: Thanks so much! When I noticed the similarities between the end of the Ani-Obi- fight and the Black Knight scene, I just had to write this. -----signature----- Links to all fics -- http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=25405090&brd=10304&start=26223917 The Heart of the Jedi -- http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/26013327 ---- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, JA and everything you wanted to know about lightsabers
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thusspakezarathustra Registered: May '06	Date Posted: 10/17/06 9:31pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	I needed a good laugh so thanks. Can't go wrong with Monty Python thats for sure. I liked that line aboutthe Force being really disturbed - ha ha. You can read that several ways. -----signature----- Life is just one damned thing after another - Jerome K. Jerome
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Ascal_Elessar Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 10/29/06 11:52am Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	That was fantastic, so funny. Thank you for sharing -----signature----- "HELLO THERE!" Member of the Obi-Wan Kenobi Fan Club "He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm and the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever, he burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe."
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ardavenport Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 11/20/06 7:15pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	thusspakezarathustra: Monty Python goes with so many things. Glad you liked it! Ascal_Elessar: Thank you for reading! -----signature----- Links to all fics -- http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=25405090&brd=10304&start=26223917 The Heart of the Jedi -- http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/26013327 ---- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, JA and everything you wanted to know about lightsabers
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Arcalian Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 11/20/06 7:22pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot - Date Edited: 11/20/06 7:24pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Arcalian
	Edited by poster to avoid potential TOS violation. I have the youtube link, if you want it. If you do I will PM it. -----signature----- Arcalian If you don't take yourself seriously, who else will? http://arcalian.deviantart.com/ http://idlewilder.proboards54.com/index.cgi?
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Kelli_LB Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 11/21/06 3:35am Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	This was great, you know when I saw that scene in RoTS, I could not help but think about the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. You've mixed the scenes quite artfully, great work! -----signature----- Winner of the 2007 Saga Fanfic Awards for Best Villain. The Legacy: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/248894 "I'm babbling on about galactic prostitution...and that's not why you're here! You're here for battle." --The Knudson Menace
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ardavenport Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 12/28/06 4:05pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	Arcalian: Thanks again for reading. I found the spoof on YouTube (wow, amazing what you find there ). Kelli_LB: Thanks for the reply! I didn't think of the similarity between Vader's demise and the Black Knight until ages after I saw it, so you're much quicker on spotting it. But once I saw it, I had to write it down. -----signature----- Links to all fics -- http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=25405090&brd=10304&start=26223917 The Heart of the Jedi -- http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/26013327 ---- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, JA and everything you wanted to know about lightsabers
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DanaeMariSkywalker Registered: Oct '06	Date Posted: 5/12/07 6:32pm Subject: RE: The Black Sith -- ROTS - total silliness - one-shot
	LOL! This was so funny! I love Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's the funniest movie ever! I love how you mixed Monty Python and Star Wars. They're the best movies ever. You did an awesome job! -----signature----- "I am a Jedi like my father before me." Luke Skywalker in ROTJ Padawan to FlowerLady "Love can ignite the stars." ROTS novelization by Matthew Stover "There is still good in him." Padmé about Anakin in ROTS
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