Jedi Council Forums - Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst

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Author	Topic: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 11/2/09
dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/13/03 8:08pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/10 - Date Edited: 1/17/06 11:28am (2 edits total) Edited By: dianethx
	Okay, here are the real villains back for another "discussion". Unfortunately, this is a short post since I'm trying to write as fast as possible and RL keeps getting in the way so I am shortening the posting a bit. Enjoy Chapter 8 - Cowled in deepest Black The pulsating light from the Coruscant night oozed through the window, spilling across the carpeted floor in pools of deepest ebony and blood-red crimson. By the glass, a lone cowled figure, his visage hidden behind black cloth and deceit, paused for a moment to contemplate the coming fate of his enemies - the detested Jedi, now cowering in the halls of their impoverished and crumbling Temple and the simpering Loyalists, so sanctimonious in their futile pleas for calm and compromise. Soon, very soon, all his machinations would come to fruition. The fate of the Republic would rest solely in his hands; such exquisite power would be his alone. And then the fools would be no more. He could almost taste the hot copper-tang of their spurting blood, smell the ozone of lightsabers tearing through their broken bodies, hear their hoarse cries of delicious agony. Those provocative, savory thoughts came to an abrupt end. The darkness sang with the putrid touch of his Force-fouled apprentice as he crept towards Darth Sidious, hesitant to approach his Master standing there so still and silent, staring out into deep space. It was not wise to interrupt the Sith Lord at his polluted pleasures, contemplating the total obliteration of his despised enemies. Darth Maul knew this. Cowled in deepest black, he knelt before Lord Sidious, bowing his head, penitent, awaiting instruction. "Maul, report." "My Master, Kamino output is on schedule. The first 200,000 units are ready and awaiting your orders. A million more are on the way." "Excellent." Sidious stared down at the cowering figure, a false serpent's smirk drifting across his face. "And how fares the Geonosis project?" "As planned, Count Dooku has stirred the pot into a boiling frenzy. Several groups, including the Trade Federation, the Corporate Alliance and the Banking Clan, have all thrown in their support of a separatist movement and are eager to begin battle. You have but to wave your hand and it shall be done." "Good, good. A few more days perhaps and then... My apprentice, you have done well." His voice was husky with sated satisfaction and, yet, the apprentice continued to kneel before him. "Is there something else you wish to tell me?" "Yes, my Master." Wordlessly, he reached into the fastness of his cloak, and offered a blue lekku, streaked with dried blood and offal, the skin shredded and fluttering as Maul laid the obscene flesh at his Master's feet. "A fine gift, Lord Maul. Aayla Secura, I assume." "Yes, my Master." "And yet... you remain bowed before me. Should I ask the reason or should I pull it from your torn body as you lay screaming in purest pain? Do not try my patience too far." Maul lowered his eyes and, grimacing, nodded. "My Lord, I have destroyed three additional Jedi, a Master and two Knights, with one blow. There was not enough flesh remaining to add to your large collection. For this, I am truly sorry." "And why is that a problem? As long as the Jedi fools are dead, what does a bit of meat matter?" "The manner of their death disturbs me, my Lord. I had arranged for the passenger ship, Dawn Star, to be boarded by pirates. The Black Sun criminals are looking to enhance their flesh trade in the area and two hundred or so new slaves would have sweetened our approach for an alliance with them. Temporary alliance, of course." "Of course." "I had disabled all of the lifepods, trapping the passengers, crew and Jedi aboard. But the pirate scum were too hasty and, unhappily, the ship blew up prematurely. There were no survivors, Master." "That is a tragedy." A hint of derisive laughter played in the Dark Lord's voice and a smile tugged at his visage for a moment. "No matter. Slaves can be such a bother. And it may have been a boon with the Abolitionist Union increasingly active in the Outer Rim Territories. If I didn't know any better, I would think that Jinn's pitiful little band was plotting a slave revolt in the near future. Too bad, he won't be around to help complete the task." "My Lord?" "Jinn will soon be destroyed." The gravelly voice was tinged with grim amusement. "No, I want the attention of the Republic well away from Geonosis for the moment. A slave uprising on Tatooine or Ryloth or any of the nearby systems at this time would muddy the waters and possibly highlight our activities in the area. The Black Sun brigands will have to get their own slaves, flounder a bit more on their own. I don't need them quite yet, perhaps later." "Yes, my Master." to be continued on Thursday... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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LuvEwan Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/13/03 10:27pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	THURSDAY?!!! How will I survive til then? Wonderful, chilling post, diane...not to mention the fact it made my stomach turn. Terrific job, once again. -----signature----- What Light Breaks-AU Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Anakin angst (collaboration with Spiritweaver) http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29979222/p1/?0 You want an Obi-Wan epic? We've got it right here.
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JediNemesis Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 4/14/03 4:44am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	One word : SICK Another word : Brilliant! Okay, I agree with LE, it made my stomach turn, but there's precious few fics that can do that. I have a strong stomach . Also this really creeped me out. I love the way you portrayed Sidious - I think the way you've shown him as the corrupt, perverted, sadistic old maniac he is is amazing. He likes torturing people - you've all seen his expression when he's electrocuting Luke in ROTJ . He is evil, period. Short if not exactly sweet. Roll on next post. I'll probably be back before Thursday anyway. Nemesis -----signature----- BeTS Best Author '08 NEW Bad Dreams - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29893091 Eleven Summers - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29657584 Into The Shining Day - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29224914
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/14/03 8:50am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Whew I'm back. I've been a little busy last week - trying to finish my 'fic before the week's end, at which point I would have no computer access for two whole days because of DRL. Anyway, dianethx, I love the way you write Palpatine and Maul. It's very interesting to get into villain's heads because here are guys who are actually doing evil deeds but think of themselves as the "good guys." When the villains are written well, the post's almost more interesting to read than any Obi-Wan posts you might throw at him. Okay, okay, I didn't really say that. Nothing tops Obi posts, but "well-written villain posts" come pretty close. I like how you threw in a little bit of AotC into the story. Sidious is so confident that Jinn will die pretty soon! Or maybe it's arrogance that since the Force was with him until now it will continue to be with him well into the future until his death, and maybe even beyond. I have a feeling that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are going to end up on Kamino, but we'll have to wait and see about that one. I also liked how you showed that a relationship a Sith Master and a Sith Apprentice share is MUCH different than the one that Jedi Master and Apprentice share. It makes sense of course: the only love that the Sith know is monopolized by power. Then, there's Maul's characterization. Brilliantly done there, I should say. sw.com claims that Maul is absolutely loyal to his Master, and that's hinted at in every word that Maul speaks. I will see "you" on Thursday then! Aunecah
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Jane Jinn Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 4/14/03 12:48pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Ooh, I like the way that these paragraphs absolutely drip with the Dark Side and it's evidenced in phrases such as "ebony and blood-red crimson", "black cloth and deceit", "putrid touch", "polluted pleasures", and "obscene flesh." Excellent writing! So now we know that Sidious is behind the clones, and the separatist movement, and is killing off Jedi, in addition to weakening the Order from inside. Sounds like he wants to plunge the entire galaxy into chaos! This is usually the time when an outside force comes along and snaps up the weakened prize ... I was just thinking recently that people tend to gravitate towards those people and places where they feel most comfortable ... Sidious must feel right at home when surrounded by decaying pieces of flesh, smeared with blood and offal. Ugh. Maybe it's not such a shock, though, when he looks in the mirror after having gazed on all that beforehand? Sounds like "Jinn's pitiful little band" is planning a slave revolt? Hmm, that's not going to go over well with the Jedi Order at all. But if it's widespread enough, not just confined to Tatooine or Ryloth ... maybe there's hope for the galaxy after all? Go, Qui-Gon, go! -----signature----- Mostly retired now Just making the occasional guest appearance
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/14/03 3:08pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	I must tell you all that I absolutely love writing Palpatine. He is soooo evil that he is a dream to write. Most characters will try and go in other directions but ol' Palpy is always along the straight and narrow path to damnation!!! Oh, LE - I made your stomach turn??? And I wasn't even trying... And then JediNemesis - I made your stomach turn as well??? You sure there isn't a virus going around... Actually you are right on when you mention the demonic face of Palpatine as he is trying to murder Luke. That's the exact moment I always think of when writing Sidious - he just sooo evil and corrupt and enjoying every minute of it. Oh, I like the brilliant and SICK...I try my best. Now, did that post remind you of just who the evil ones really are? -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/14/03 4:00pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Hi again Aunecah - I know you've been busy. I've been busy reading your fic - when is Knights and Knightgales coming out? Plus you have a couple of others going on? I am always amazed that people can write multiple fics simultaneously!! Your new one Mirrors in the Hourglass looks really interesting. I'm glad that Palpy and Maul come across so evilly. Of course, one should always pay attention to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon first but Palpy is just so deliciously evil that how can you not watch him? Shudder... I introduced AOTC into the story to ground the reader in the time frame but also to let everyone know, that despite Sidious's interest in Qui-Gon's pitiful little band, he has many "hobbies" including taking over the Galaxy. Sidious is definitely arrogant and believes that he is invincible. Why not? He has power, control of the Senate, he is Supreme Chancellor and soon to be Emperor for life. However, he should never underestimate the power of the Jedi...even when they are no longer Jedi.... As for the relationship between Sidious and Maul, it is really based on hate, the grasping of power and control. Yes, Maul is dedicated absolutely to Sidious... for the moment. I'll be glad to see you here on Thursday and you can find out what else Palpy has up his black sleeve... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/14/03 4:13pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Jane glad to see that you are enjoying my little descriptions so well. I really loved writing them (oh, the joys of a good thesaurus) and I like to put together things that play off each other and give new meaning to the phrases (like polluted pleasure and obscene flesh). As I told Aunecah, I really wanted my readers to be able to relate to the timeframe. The events of the grander scale may be important to some but for our little band, I wanted things to be more intimate. Grand scale gets boggy when you can't compare it to human scale. As for Palpy, yes, he would love bringing the galaxy into chaos. For him, that would be play time... As for the decaying flesh, I really pictured him in a series of rooms with the various "trophies" in suspended animation. Depending on his mood, he may chose to play with various "objects" or just caress the putrifying body parts. Can't you just see him in a dark, museum-like room with the "parts" in lighted trophy cases - maybe even with bronze plaques identifying each fleshy prize? Yuck!!! Ah, Jane - you noticed about the slave revolt - bravo!!!! Our pitiful little band has been very busy over the past few years - you think that Qui-Gon would remain just a farmer - I think not. Now, Sidious may be wrong or he may be right about such things. You'll just have to find out.... But just remember, I like to layer hints of things to come but I also add red herrings to confuse (and keep my readers guessing)!!! -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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Sheila Registered: Oct '02	Date Posted: 4/14/03 5:50pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Yikes, that was an extremely creepy glimpse into the machinations of Sideous and Maul. This gets more interesting with every post. See you on Thursday.
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/15/03 4:02am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Hi Sheila Glad you liked it (I think). Yep, I was going for creepy. Do you think I should write more creepy stories? Everyone seemed to like it.... See you Thursday for the rest of the Sithy post... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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JediNemesis Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 4/15/03 4:39am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	attack of rabid plot bunnies A revolt of the slaves? Now I come to think about it - uh-oh, it's serious time. We all know what happens when slaves rise up - it ALWAYS goes wrong and they all get massacred. And god yeah, I agree with you diane - I should think Palpy keeps dead things around because frankly, nobody can survive without physical contact. Doesn't work. And nobody alive will go near him - I mean, even the utterly loyal Maul must think he's repulsive - so he has to resort to dead stuff. YUCK 'Jinn's pathetic little band' - I think he might just have underestimated them. Not all Jedi are as corrupt and useless as the ones he controls... I mean, even half a dozen ex-Masters could wreak absolute havoc. And, as always, Palpy is supremely confident. Your overconfidence is your weakness.. - true. I said I'd be back, didn't I? Nemesis -----signature----- BeTS Best Author '08 NEW Bad Dreams - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29893091 Eleven Summers - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29657584 Into The Shining Day - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29224914
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forever_jedi Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 4/15/03 8:02am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Just got caught up again! DRL was pretty bad on Monday, hammering away like a thousand pit-droids at my head! Anyway, I loved "his visage hidden behind black cloth and deceit". Yes, his visage WAS always hidden behind deceit! And in your fic, he comes across as a truly evil psycho with shades of Hannibal and Dahlmer! Hopefully, by the end of the fic, he will have a suitably satisfying demise! Jinn and slaves? What's he been doing with slaves? Interesting! Waiting for more! -----signature----- “Kenobi was luminous, a transparent being, a window onto a sunlit meadow of the Force.” RotS, Matt Stover. "The Force will be with you, always."
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Shaindl Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 4/15/03 9:59am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Diane, you're so great. I loved the post - it was just dripping with malice and evil. You write Palpatine (like every other character) so well. The descriptions just added to the entire atmosphere of darkness. Great job - and thanks for the reviews on my old and new stories! Shaindl -----signature----- Halfway Moment - Qui, Obi, Anakin AU - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20110461/?0 - UPDATED JULY 3!
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 4/15/03 3:43pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Maul is one sick puppy.. shivers Jane's already stated my fave descriptive phrases... well turned out there and she's so right about making the post drip with Dark Side!! I wasn't surprised about Qui-Gon working with slaves... or should I say working on freeing them.. he does have Anakin with him.. which of course makes me wonder where is Shmi??? -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/15/03 5:39pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/13
	Nemesis, you're back! Well, you did say you would be.... Ah, yes, slave revolts. I know of very few that actually succeeded and many that failed miserably and made things worse for the slaves (American history is rife with them in the 1800s) In fact, the only slave rebellion that worked (so to speak) that I know of was the one on Haiti where they killed off all the whites and "multibreeds". They weren't slaves any more but, oh my, at what cost. But then you are assuming that Sidious is correct...<snicker>. Maybe or maybe not... Glad you liked the visuals about his little museum. I really pictured Wayland just like that! Yes, Sidious does underestimate the power of the Jedi. At the moment, they are in disarray but if they can get their act together.... Loved the quote Your overconfidence is your weakness. Exactly! Glad you returned. Don't forget to come back on Thursday. There will be more fun with the Sith... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 11/2/09 jedidas3's Master Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity - http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
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