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Author	Topic: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 9/22/08
dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 3:48am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 3/30 - Date Edited: 11/23/04 9:35am (2 edits total) Edited By: dianethx
	And now for dinner at the Jinns... As dinner began, conversation seemed awkward, full of strange silences. It was clear to Obi-Wan that his Master was still upset about his comments and yet he did not want to end this night with enmity. He had hoped for one night, pure, with fond remembrances and a Padawan's love for his Master. Just one night. Tomorrow would be soon enough for investigation and sullied duty. Conversation ebbed and flowed around the passing of food and the small talk of child and parent, host and guests. Le'orath was a better cook than Qui-Gon has intimated and the smells and tastes of the many dishes were wonderful. To the Jedi, used to simple, cheap meals, it was almost a banquet. But, to one individual, it was not a banquet. Young Ben, now secure within the warmth of his family, and, above all, bored with the adult conversation, had begun to display a four-year old's exuberance and skill at deception. Staring at the sweets just beyond his reach, the child waggled his fingers ever so slightly, his blue eyes intense, a sly smile on his face. One small brightly-colored treat began a stealthy slow dance across the table towards the boy. Obi-Wan, spying the movement and amused at the thought, lent his talent to the task and a second sweet trailed the first. When Ben looked around to see who was helping him, he was surprised to see the strange Jedi Kenobi smiling. The boy was startled at first but, when Obi-Wan winked at him, a small grin lit his young face and he giggled. His father, suddenly aware of the scene, said sharply, "Ben, no." Eyes abruptly huge, the boy's smile disappeared and he bent his head, unsure of what he had done wrong. Softening his voice, Qui-Gon gestured towards a small pile of blocks and other toys in the far corner of the room. "Ben, it's all right but you must be bored with all this grown-up talk. Why don't you go enjoy your games?" The child nodded and moved away, looked at the adults for a moment and then settled down to play. "I see that Ben has many talents." Kenobi's voice was tinged with amusement and his eyes were dancing. Qui-Gon would have none of it. "Yes, he has. I meant what I said, Obi-Wan. You will get nothing of his talents." Kenobi nodded, unhappy that this simple act of play had caused a further rift in their relationship. "Be at ease, Master. I was merely helping Ben with his...logistical problem." With a sharp look, Qui-Gon returned to his meal and uneasy silence descended on the group. The food lay leaden in Obi-Wan's gut, acid etching his troubled thoughts. Damn, this may be your last chance, you blasted fool. Try and fix this, Kenobi, before it's too late. He sent Jinn a tentative smile. "Master, I often thought of you, hoping that you were well and happy. It is obvious that you have come far. Home, family, a good life. I'm glad." Qui-Gon recognized what Obi-Wan was trying to do, wishing to repair the damage of their bitter argument. He, too, wanted to make amends and so he returned the smile and nodded. "It was not an easy path. In fact, at first, it was very difficult. I did not want to impose on friends, afraid that some of the shame of dismissal would fall on them. I tried several occupations, none of which paid well and sometimes I was discharged without reason. Others would not hire me at all, obviously suspicious of a former Jedi. Who can really blame them? Such a Jedi must surely be rogue or tainted in some way." "How could they think such a thing?" Qui-Gon shrugged. "Dismissal from the Temple had always been for crimes or behavior unbecoming a Jedi, never for money reasons. They had no way of knowing." He sighed slightly. "Finally, with my funds dwindling fast, I bowed to the inevitable and asked for help. Luckily, the entourage from Naboo needed someone familiar with Coruscant and security to run checks on locations and personnel at the capital. Captain Panaka was acquainted with my work and hired me. He did me a great service, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon smiled briefly, warmed by the memories. "They must have been pleased with my efforts because I was invited to join their security forces back on Naboo. I accepted with pleasure. Of course, no sooner had I arrived, then the Trade Federation invaded the planet. It was pretty rough for a while but, in my own small way, I was able to help the resistance and Queen Amidala. When the Queen escaped, I was among her guards. We had a few bumps on the road to Coruscant but finally made it all in one piece." He looked over at Anakin, grinning. "Along the twisted Force-driven path, I met with this young scamp. And, together, we were able to help free Naboo." "The Force was with you." "It must have been. For my contribution, the Naboo people gifted me with some money. I was able to scrape together enough to buy this small farm." "It's beautiful here. A fine place." Qui-Gon chuckled at that. "Not when I bought it. It was tumbling down, the field fallow, the equipment old and in disrepair. I had no idea what I was doing. How could I? Diplomacy and lightsaber duels do not help crops grow." He smiled again. "I almost lost everything that first year. But then..." His hand closed over that of Le'orath, eyes glowing with pride and affection. "I met this lovely woman. Le' is a landscape architect and an amazingly good one at that. She helped me with the rough spots. The next year, the profits were so great that I was able to finish the house and outbuildings. And then she asked me to marry her." Le'orath smiled at that, squeezing his hand lightly. The tenderness leached away as she looked across the table at Obi-Wan, her eyes narrowing. "We were married at Midwinter Festival. I knew the moment I met Qui-Gon that I wanted to be with him always. How could I not? He was so gentle and yet, there was a sorrow about him that I wanted to soothe. I didn't know, then, that the Jedi had tossed him aside." She glanced at Atel and then back at Obi-Wan, her eyes frosty, lighting to summer warmth when she looked again at Qui-Gon. "We have built a good life here, Knight Kenobi. One, I hope, will last a long time." "That is my hope as well, my lady." Atel spoke up, probing for information. "You have accomplished quite a bit in such a short time, Master Jinn. Are crops all you raise?" Anakin glared at her but said nothing. Qui-Gon glanced first at his apprentice, then at Atel, a sharp measuring look. His voice was neutral. "Actually, no. Here, I raise exotic biologicals; they have quite a high return on the money invested. But I have interests in several companies as well. It is best to diversify in this time of unrest. I have learned to adapt to the changing economic climate and now am part owner in mining, medical supplies, biotechnology, and transportation consortiums. A Jedi does not have to think about where their next meal is coming from. But I do." "You'd be surprised at what a Jedi has to think about these days, Master." Obi-Wan's sardonic irony was not lost on his Padawan. She suppressed a brief snort. Qui-Gon nodded slowly, a sad smile on his leonine face. "I often think about the Temple and our time together, Obi-Wan. It was exhausting but very worthwhile, helping to maintain peace and justice in the Republic. But since I left, rumors have grown that all is not well within the Order. Some pretty alarming tales have reached even the wilds of Naboo." Obi-Wan's apprentice stared at him, resolute. /Don't tell him anything, Master. Please don't./ But Kenobi ignored her warnings. He wanted, he needed to make this connection. "Things have not been as they should. After you left, most of the Council were dismissed, Master Windu, Master Gallia and several others. When Master Yoda returned from his mission the following week, the Senate evoked some obscure statute and forced him to resign." Obi-Wan shook his head. "The first wave of dismissals was disheartening to more than just those immediately affected, of course. Trust had been broken and the despair of it seemed to permeate the very air of the Temple for several months. But, as the shock of such a move faded, life seemed to return to normal." "And then..?" Qui-Gon gently probed. "The Senate tightened their grip yet again. Citing increased pressure to curb costs and disappointment in the resistant attitude of the Jedi to the Republic's wishes, there was a second round of dismissals and then a third. It seemed to almost spiral out of control. The few donations that the Order had been receiving dried up and it became entirely dependent on the good graces of the Senate. And they were not in the mood to be gracious." The Jedi Knight pressed his hand against his eyes for a moment and looked into the sad face of his old Master. "The competition for goods and services within the Order became fierce. Cooperation is a fine thing when there is plenty but, as the stranglehold tightened, everyone began to look for ways to strengthen their own positions. And still Jedi were turned out of the Temple. Fault-finding, hoarding, rigidity of thought were encouraged by such actions. The halls are monitored, behavior codified and more dismissals are coming." Obi-Wan gave an unhappy cough. "Now, it is even difficult to replace a cloak." Anakin glanced at Qui-Gon and nodded. "Oh, so that is why you were wearing such shabby clothes. I thought you just didn't have time to change before coming here." Kenobi shot him a measuring look. "Quite correct, Anakin. Shabby is an apt description." "And now?" asked Qui-Gon, softly, prompting. "Now, they have turned most of the mediation chambers and gymnasiums into food production. There have been eight.. no, nine waves of terminations and still there are rumors of more to come. Yet, we are expected to have successful missions with no complaints or errors. Too much to do and not nearly enough Jedi or resources to cope." "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan." Kenobi just shrugged again. "Qui-Gon, thank you. I know... But I am a Jedi and must do my duty. I can do no less." Skywalker studied the Knight, frowning. "So, that's it then. You're just going to keep coming back for more, even though they treat you like dirt." "I will do what I must, Anakin." The young man looked at Obi-Wan with bewilderment. "Can't you fight them? Turn things around?" "How? The Senate has control of the money and the Jedi are sworn to uphold the laws and government of the Republic." "Walk away from it, then." "I cannot do that. I would be forsworn." Anakin snorted at that. "Duty to a group that discards its own like week-old trash? You are a fool." Qui-Gon's reply was brief and to the point. "Anakin, this is not the way you treat guests." The soft, "No, Master" was barely whispered; a fleeting glimpse of shame crossed the young man's face. "Obi-Wan, this is sad news indeed but not unexpected. We may be far from Coruscant but news of the Jedi travels fast, even in hyperspace." Jinn sighed and laid his hand on Kenobi's arm. "You are always welcome here." Le'orath moved slightly, as though to protest, but said nothing. She looked at Anakin and shrugged. "Knight Kenobi, you spoke of dismissals. You must have lost a number of friends over the years. Have you kept in touch with any of them?" That question brought a sharp, embarrassed look from Qui-Gon. "Le', you promised not to do this." "I promised not to ask Kenobi about why he hasn't bothered to contact you in the last ten years. I'm merely inquiring about his friends." Jinn moved to speak sharply to his wife but Obi-Wan gestured for attention. "Mistress Jinn is quite correct to ask. Master, you deserve an answer." Atel shot him a disbelieving look /Master, Listen to me, please. Don't tell him anything. He is under investigation. Don't.../but again he ignored her warning. "We are forbidden from contacting anyone dismissed from the Order, for whatever reason. Ignoring that directive entails...various types of punishment, depending on the level of defiance." Le'orath wanted the truth for Qui-Gon's sake. She pressed the point. "And you were afraid of a little punishment, a slap on the wrist, is that it, Kenobi? Couldn't break the rules even for Qui-Gon's sake, right?" Obi-Wan sat there, quiet, still, unable to move or think for a moment. Avoiding Qui-Gon's gaze, he looked at Le'orath and murmured, "Excuse me." And then, abruptly, he stood and strode out the door. Glaring at the trio, Atel rose and hurried to follow her Master. Qui-Gon's angry "How could you?" was met with a brief shrug. She knew he needed the answer, had needed it for years, but would not ask. A wound must be cut and cleaned before it could heal. He knew that but her husband could be woefully stubborn. So she had done the cutting. Atel found Obi-Wan standing on the porch, gazing out at the moon rising over the mountains, his hands busy shredding a white trumpet flower. He said nothing for a time, trying to find his center, hoping to calm his raging guilt. Finally, he told Atel to bring the landspeeder around to the front. They would be leaving momentarily. When she scampered down the steps and around the corner of the house, the sounds of the night began to fill the silent spaces. -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 4:20am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	And now I have a question for my terrific loyal readers. I have never really written what I would call a popular fic. Shaindl, LuvEwan, JaneJinn, Dyanne_Kindred, Healer_Leona, JediNemesis and DarthBreezy- you have all been absolutely wonderful, commenting so much. What I've noticed is that my loyal readers write very popular fics with lots of readers. I'm quite envious!! Now, I don't intend to change the style of this fic - it's just not possible and would be too jarring and out of place anyway. But, could you give me some pointers as to how to attract readers for future fics? Try to be brutal - not Sith brutal but rather Qui-Gon brutal. Am I too long-winded, too convoluted in my story line, my pace is not right....any suggestions would be welcome. You can PM me if you don't want to say it here but I can take criticism!! Really! Thanks. You are the best! -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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cristalvandepol Registered: Jan '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 4:54am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	I really like this fic. It's nice to see Qui-Gon having a family and such, while the Jedi are having money problems. A situation I never thought about. More soon -----signature----- Sarcasm is just one more service that I offer.
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jacen200015 Registered: Jan '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 5:31am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	That seems like more then enough to go to the darkside. -----signature----- If I review then PM me when you update. thanks so much. Send me your completed 'the saga' stories! Attack Of The Sith is here! Obi-Wan's Journal Updated 8/01 Don't quote me the odds. I shall do as I must. Do or do not, there is no try.
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JediNemesis Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 4/1/03 7:42am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	I love this fic and I seriously can't wait for the next instalment. A lot of AUs duplicate each other - there's some ideas that everybody comes up with - but this is completely original as far as I know. It's funny to think of Qui-Gon as a family man with kids and so on. Oh, did he name his son Ben after Obi-Wan? Out of nostalgia? I haven't any idea why your loyal readers are so few. ?:\| The characters are perfect - a few Anakin-lovers might disagree, but then I'm not one of those. (see sig ) The pacing seems fine (not once have I got bored) the plot is original and you're keeping me (I hope I speak for all of us) on tenterhooks for the next chapter. One detail: I haven't written any fics that have made it as far as the boards yet. Here's hoping. Keep them coming. I want to see how the Sith fit into all this - NB Is Palpatine Chancellor yet when this is set? If so... - JediNemesis -----signature----- BeTS Best Author '08 Somewhere To Fly - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/28898463 Spindrift - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/28478326 NEW Lightning and Diamonds - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29251762 NEW Into The Shining Day - http://boards.thefor
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Shaindl Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 8:19am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	Hi Diane, Just sent you a PM! Lovely post - I've been in those tense family dinners where everybody's dancing around a question or issue that nobody wants to deal with. You captured the tension magnificently. In some ways, I respect Le'orath for having the guts to try and deal with it. Strong woman - I'm finding myself wishing that I could meet her. As to your question, it took me a LONG time to build up readers. I saw an interview a long while back with an author on the Resource Board where he said that the best way to build up a readership is to post regularly, reply to your readers' comments so they would want to come back, and review on a lot of other stories so your name becomes recognisable. After I read that, I started to review like crazy, and people started to come to my fics. But the first few fics I posted barely got any readers. I think my first one had 3 or 4 responses (not that it was a great fic - it was my first try). Plus, with the splitting of the boards, I've noticed that a lot of the people who were on the old board haven't shown up yet, which makes me think they haven't noticed the split. What that all boils down to is that it takes time. But I wouldn't worry - one thing I've noticed in my time on the boards is that the people here recognise quality. You'll have a large readership soon enough because your plotting, characterisation and prose are just too good not to draw them. Plus there are all the lurkers (yes, we authors know you all are there! ) who don't bother to respond (we'll pass out cookies if you do respond, lurkers) who are loving your story just as much as I do. Cyn once commented that on FF.N one of her stories had 100 comments, but the stats showed over 500 hits - only one in five responding - can you believe that? All right, I'm being long winded, so I'll stop. I wouldn't worry, Diane - you're doing a great job, and if you write it, they will come (why, yes, I am channelling dead baseball players...). More soon? Especially for those of us who respond? Shaindl -----signature----- Halfway Moment - Qui, Obi, Anakin AU - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20110461/?0 - UPDATED JULY 3!
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LuvEwan Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 9:04am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	I don't think the quality of your story affects your number of responses AT ALL, diane. Because this is, in my opinion, one of the most well-written fics in the boards. My first stories didn't have many replies, but this one I'm writing now slowly built up a pretty good sized fan base. I think it just takes time, and also, the separation of the boards is an obstacle when it comes to a new story. I feel like you just get less replies on these new boards than you do on the 'classic'. But this post was great. I love every character, they're written wonderfully. And Ben is so cute! Obi-Wan's eyes dancing with joy at playing with him was very touching and sweet. Qui's wife has the right to be upset, but sheesh, she sure is forthright! [face_shocked] Anakin is a slug, of course, and Altel is protective. The last bit, where Obi walks out, had me so frustrated and sad I wanted to scream! I wanted to scream :MORE! Wonderful job, diane. -----signature----- So it was Anakin's butt after all. He supposed he might take a modicum of comfort from that. -Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, by Matthew Stover
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 5:52pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	crystalvandepol Welcome. It's always nice to see a new face. I'm glad that you are enjoying it. I thought Qui-Gon would be good with a family and now I get to write him one...LOL. As for the Jedi and money, I was always curious about how they were funded and such. They never seemed to be fumbling for credit cards or paying for anything. Just look at old Ben - he even made Luke pay their passage off Tatooine. So I thought about it for quite a while and figured, if they were funded like a government branch, any Sith that took over the Senate would be able to manipulate them easily. And here we are.. Thanks for stopping in. I'll be posting tomorrow.... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 5:56pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	Jacen2000015 Hi there. Yes, Obi-Wan seems to think that things are pretty bad at the Jedi Temple. And they are...but they could be worse....and they are. But you'll just have to keep in touch to find out just how bad.... Oh, I love doing that. Seriously, Obi-Wan has just begun to find out things about the Temple that he hadn't known...and isn't going to like. How he copes is a big part of this fic... I hope you'll come back for more. Diane -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 6:15pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	JediNemesis - Hi again. I'm so glad that you like this fic. Sometimes, I just don't know - I guess it's the bane of all writers - to doubt their work. But you and all my loyal readers have made me feel very welcome and I thank you for it. Yes, Qui-Gon as a family man. Attachments are no longer forbidden in his life and it's about time he enjoyed being in a family. As for naming Ben, it wasn't just nostagia but rather to honor his memory. To Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan was the son of his heart. It's a lot like when you name someone for someone else - to remember and rejoice in a new life linked with the old. As for readers, I'm not really complaining, really I'm not. In fact, this is the most readers I've ever had. It's just that I tend to write odd things...things not quite in the traditional sense...and I try to be original, if possible. Although to be original in this mixture of terrific artists is really hard... I just try to learn something every day and I thought how better to learn to attract new readers than to ask those who already have them. I think Shaindl is quite correct. I just need time and patience. As for keeping you all in suspense...isn't that my job? Besides, I figured if I bored you, you'd tell me, right? As for thinking you had written something, that is my failing. I had seen your "impressive" name a number of times on other stories and the idea stuck in my head. Besides, it is better to err on the positive side!! As for time period, I changed the summary in the beginning of the fic since I figured that it might be confusing as to when this takes place. "But" took place 6 months before TPM and we are now in the AOTC timeframe. Most of what was going on in that movie is still occuring but our story doesn't involve that action. So, yes, Palpatine is Supreme Chancellor and is about to start the Clone War. He's just having a little fun with the Jedi as he takes over the galaxy...sort of like a hobby....a serious hobby... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 6:29pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	Shaindl I just PM'ed you back. Thanks for the information. So you liked my dinner conversation...LOL. I have sat through more dinners, like you said, where everyone dances around the questions that never get answered. And, yes, I wish we had had a Le'orath around to finally ask and get everything out in the open. I think that both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan need to come to an understanding and those questions must be asked. As for readers, I think you are absolutely correct. As I told JediNemesis, I thought I'd ask the ones who know. How better to find out the answers than to ask the questions! I will be patient, try to review other fics regularly (I'm just as bad as other lurkers sometimes!!!) and keep writing. As for your compliments, thank you so much. I really appeciate all of your kind words. I just hope I can keep up the pace!!! I do understand about lurkers, though. I remember CYN saying something about the number of hits versus comments. I looked on the FFN board for "But" just now and I got 4200 hits and only 41 comments. Wow, only 1 % on the archives. I'm sure that the boards have a much higher percentage since they seem to thrive on posts. I will be patient.... And Shaindl, if you are channeling dead baseball players, can I channel dead Jedi, especially one tall, broken-nosed fellow with piercing blue eyes and a gentle mouth??? Please.... A post tomorrow morning and the aftermath of the dinner... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/1/03 7:01pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	LuvEwan You have been amazing and I just want to thank you so much for posting a link to this fic on your fic. Wow. I really appreciate it. As I told Shaindl and JediNemesis, I figured I'd ask those who know how to get and retain readers. It's not so much this fic as some of my other ones had hardly any readers. I wasn't sure if it was because they were badly written (although my Draigon's Lair got nominated for a Winter 2002 awards - does a happy dance, thanks in part to JaneJinn who was one of the ones nominating it -I don't know the other 2 or I would have thanked them as well). I know that I write odd things - kind of off-beat - and I have no problem with that. I just thought I should ask the best!!! I'm always willing to learn new things or even relearn old ones! As for the split of the boards, I'm not sure that is a bad thing. I've had a lot easier time finding things but then I go to all the boards since I like past, present and after the Saga. A lot of people are not doing that as yet but they will as they are forced to use the new boards when they post new stories. And, even better, the new stories stay on the first 2 pages much longer than they used to. I remember posting first thing in the morning so that my story would stay on the front page for at least 30 minutes...LOL. It's an experiment. We shall see. Ben is adorable. We will see him a couple of more times but, for now, grownups will be the main focus. Le'orath is forthright but she needs to be for Qui-Gon's sake. I'm not sure I could take being around her every day but I'm sure she's not usually so....open with her feelings. Anakin, dear Anakin. Now, that one is difficult to write. As, of course you know, I like Ani but his personality is quite...strong. And LuvEwan, I know how much you like him.... As for you being frustrated with Obi-Wan walking out, just think how he is feeling - guilty and sad and filled with remorse. Poor guy. How we love to torment him. Thanks for everything. New post tomorrow morning! -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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Jane Jinn Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 4/1/03 11:49pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	Oh, that was so cute, Obi-Wan helping Ben to get a treat! I loved the phrase "began a stealthy slow dance across the table". And the way that Obi-Wan referred to it as a "logistical problem." It sounds like that first time after the dismissal really was rough on Qui-Gon. No, people had no way of knowing what the true reason was that he'd been dismissed from the Temple, and I'm sure the Senate wasn't about to trumpet out the news to the general public. Grrr. I liked the way Qui-Gon ended up on Naboo, though, and the way he described it as a "twisted Force-driven path." He's still close to the Force, trying to follow its will, especially now that he's clear of the will of the Senate? Good! I was able to scrap together enough to buy this small farm." Scrap -- or scrape? It sounds like Le'orath complements Qui-Gon in more ways than just one. A landscape architect, huh? Good idea! I like the way Qui-Gon has very diverse interests as well. I especially liked this little exchange: A Jedi does not have to think about where their next meal is coming from. But I do." "You'd be surprised at what a Jedi has to think about these days, Master." How true, how true! I also liked the way Atel was feeling uncomfortable, and worried that her master was consorting a bit too much with the enemy. Great idea, showing her frantic thoughts there. I also liked the way Anakin was so quick on the uptake. "So, that's it then. You're just going to keep coming back for more, even though they treat you like dirt." Yes, that sounds about right. Obi-Wan is driven by his duty -- at least for now. And -- I caught that! -- Anakin called Qui-Gon master. Le'orath obviously has no idea of the "punishments" that the Jedi Order uses nowadays, otherwise she wouldn't be twisting the knife so enthusiastically in Obi-Wan's wound. Oooh -- powerful scene, though. Poor Obi-Wan! ***** And now to your question about how to attract readers? I'm blasted if I know! I hate to say it, but I think you're doing extremely well with seven enthusiastic talkative readers. I was a bit confused when I posted my newest fic. I didn't expect to get a lot of readers, because I was practically starting over. But I feel like I scared at least one reader away by saying "No, there's not going to be any romance here". And I might have scared off another reader by not including a long starfighter combat sequence. It was rather discouraging to have people post one or two replies, and then fade away before the end. I've flown from one end of these boards to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange things. But I've never seen anything that'll make me believe that popularity, the number of readers, and the quality of a fic have anything to do with each other. I've seen extremely mediocre fics get ten to twenty replies after each post. On the other hand, there are those fics that could be taken straight to a publisher, such as this new one by JediGaladriel, and they get one, two, maybe up to five readers if they are lucky. It often seems to me that the best fics get the fewest readers. This is just my opinion and my experience, of course. Other people probably have other opinions. My observances? People come here because they are fans of a particular character, and usually, a particular genre as well. They want more Obi-Torture, more Jaina/Jag, and more Dying Amidala, no matter how well the fic is written (or not.) If you want to get scads of readers, you have to write a fic where Obi goes through angst, either physical or mental, and Qui-Gon is depicted as a cold, unfeeling buckethead. Or you have to write a fic that shows one mush scene after another, and never mind the plot. Or you have to write Anakin killing Amidala in a fit of rage, but giving her enough time to have a little inner monologue before she kicks the buck -- er -- becomes one with the Force. Shaindl said that the readers here recognize quality. I think that's only partially true, at least, from what I've noticed during these times. They recognize quality if the fic is one of the popular genres. But a lot of excellent Original Character Fics get overlooked because people want something familiar, such as Obi-Wan or whatever. And Cynical should be over the moon to get a response rate of 1 in 5. I have over 2000 hits on my story "Crushed" in the TFN Archive, but only 14 comments and 29 ratings. Sometimes I wish we had a feature here on the boards where we could see how many hits our story posts are getting. But then we'd always be wondering how many of those "hitters" are people who are happily lurking away, and how many are people who skim over and decide not to come back. takes deep breath Okay, rant over. Sorry, I've got to cut it short because I want to review another story this morning. Shaindl's advice is what I would have to say as well. Read other people's stories, reply to them, make yourself known, trust in the Force, and hope for the best. -----signature----- Mostly retired now Just making the occasional guest appearance
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/2/03 4:46am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!!
	JaneJinn - Wow. Thanks for your long post! Oh, and thanks for finding the typo. It should have been scrape and I just didn't see it. Ben is a particular favorite of mine. Although some might avoid having kids in a serious story, he is essential to the plot and helps to bring out certain feelings about the situation that might not otherwise be as poignant. Yes, I did enjoy writing that the sweets parade was a "logistical problem". I was giggling when I wrote it. As for the dismissals, I thought that logically it would have been rough on Qui-Gon. His group was the first to be kicked out so no one would have understood that it wasn't for illegial reasons. As for Qui-Gon going to Naboo, I chose Naboo as his location for a number of reasons - it's close to the Outer Rim Territories, a familiar location and culture, peaceful people with a strong ethical sense. And most importantly, far from Coruscant! As for Atel's frantic thoughts, you'll just have to wait to see why she was so upset! Oh, you are quick on the uptake. Yes, Anakin let it slip about calling Qui-Gon Master. I thought that Le'orath needed to get Qui-Gon to ask the question about why no contact. Of course, she wouldn't know that the little slap on the wrist was so abominable! I'm sure that she would have been much nicer to him all around if she had known. And now on to your comments about readers... I loved this... I've flown from one end of these boards to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange things. But I've never seen anything that'll make me believe that popularity, the number of readers, and the quality of a fic have anything to do with each other. Not only was it amusing and very Han-like but it was a lovely sentiment as well. I also have seen a lot of mediocre stories with lots of readers plus fans who only go after one genre. Your advice is well-taken. As for your newest fic (which I hope we will see more of), I don't think you really scared away any readers. Some want only romance, or long starfighter combat scenes - so be it. I thought your fic was just right. I know that it is discouraging when some readers post one or two replies and then fade away but the writers here have probably all had that happen. As for your story "Crushed", you got a 1% response, same as I did with "But". Maybe, that's the norm on TFN? I know that they have counters on the stories on FF.N but TFN was just never set up for it, I guess. Anyway, thanks for all your suggestions. You are the best!!! And now for another post.... -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 4/2/03 4:52am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated again on 4/1 - no fooling!! - Date Edited: 5/17/03 5:35am (2 edits total) Edited By: dianethx
	And now for some afterdinner conversation... The scraping of a boot heel, the slight whine of the front door opening and the glow of a Force signature alerted the Jedi to another presence. Qui-Gon moved quietly to stand next to his former apprentice, glancing down to see a growing mound of torn blossoms at Obi-Wan's feet. "Obi-Wan, I must apologize for Le'orath's remarks. She had no right to..." Jinn was quickly interrupted. "No, Master, she was correct. You deserve to know the truth. It's just...hard to explain." Kenobi shrugged and seemed to shrink into himself, chilled by the memories. His hand opened and a shredded flower floated down, stained white and black as it moved from light to shadow to light again. Without thinking, he reached for another and began to slowly pull it apart. "I'm sorry, Master. I'm a coward...such a coward." Obi-Wan's whispers were almost imperceptible but sharp with pain. "I tried, truly I did. Pulled every string I could to find out where you were. With no success. Then I got caught. Defied them as only you could, Master." An anguished grimace flitted over his face and then he looked down, unable to bear Qui-Gon's questions. "Defied them at first and then I got sneaky. But it didn't matter. They found out anyway and each time it happened, the....punishments got worse." He stopped to breathe, gasping for air as though some great weight was pressing down, down on him. He closed his eyes and tried to center, before the memories crowded out what he needed to say. "Finally, I couldn't...couldn't face it again. I stopped looking. I'm sorry." He closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing with remembered anguish. The blossom in his hand, torn to unrecognizable pulp, floated down, light and dark, to join the others. He started to reach for the trumpet flower near his face when Qui-Gon grabbed Kenobi's shoulders with his own large hands and shook the Jedi gently. "Obi-Wan, you were never a coward. Never." Jinn's eyes were warm with certainty. Kenobi just shook his head, not meeting his Master's eyes. "I should have been stronger but I couldn't fight the fear in that damnable cell any more." "What cell?" Qui-Gon stepped back, hands dropping to his side. The wintry tone in his voice was cold, sharp, almost angry. Obi-Wan flinched at the sound. "The cells at the Temple's base." Kenobi was confused; surely his former Master knew about them. "Yes, there are force-suppressed cells there for criminals, to inhibit escape. The worst that they face is loss of any connection with the Force - it is painful at first, but the strong-willed eventually get used to it. And you are very strong-willed." Qui-Gon probed insistently. "Was there a particular cell that they put you in?" Obi-Wan shuddered. "It was always cell AA23." Qui-Gon's retort was quick and expressive. "Those damnable, bloody hypocrites. They promised me they would dismantle it. They promised." "Master, you know of it?" Jinn looked down at the mound of crushed blossoms. "I helped to test it. Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry." Kenobi jerked his eyes up to meet Qui-Gon's own, anger growing out of the guilt and confusion. "Tested it? Helped them? How could you agree to such a thing? It's an obscenity, a twisted misuse of the Force. How could you?" "I had no idea that they were using it in such a way. Obi-Wan, the Jedi did not invent it." Jinn's voice was gentle but Kenobi just shook his head. "Listen, please. One of the Knights in the Outer Rim stumbled across it in an investigation. As far as we know, there is only one, although it appeared that more were to be manufactured. They were going to use it as a weapon against the Jedi since it only works with force-sensitives.'' Qui-Gon moved closer. "The device is able to probe deep into the psyche to find the one thing the victim most fears and multiplies it. It is extremely effective." "I know that." Kenobi growled. "I agreed to help with the testing to see if there was any defense against it. At the time, the Jedi Council was afraid that more would be coming on the market and we needed to counteract its effects. I was put in the cell for up to two hours at a time, hoping that I could find a way to get around the device. They said my tendency towards stubbornness should serve me well." Qui-Gon shivered at the thought. "It did not. We were never able to find a way around it. When the testing ended, I was promised, most solemnly, that the device would be destroyed. It seems that they lied." "So it seems." Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, pain beginning to flash behind the temples. He needed time to reflect on this, time to come to some understanding and deal with the lingering guilt and anger. "Obi-Wan, come back in. Perhaps, we can start again. I've missed you very much, my old Padawan." Qui-Gon gripped his shoulder again, squeezing slightly. "I know that my family and I haven't made you very welcome but I want another chance." But Kenobi shook his head and Qui-Gon stepped back, unsure of how to proceed. "I need to meditate on this, Master. And my mission begins tomorrow. I will be quite busy for some time." Qui-Gon looked at him, solemn and unhappy but nodded, accepting the Jedi's decision. "I promise that I will see you, at least once, before I leave and we can talk further. Perhaps, the Force has brought us together again for a reason, one that is not apparent in the moment. We will have to see." The whine of the landspeeder brought them to silence as Atel drove up. She got out and stood, patiently waiting by the porch steps. "Please make my apologies to your wife and Ben. Anakin as well. I'm sorry, Master." Qui-Gon nodded and suddenly moved to give Obi-Wan an enveloping hug, whispering. "Never forget that you are the son of my heart, Obi-Wan. Always." He released him and stood back. "May the Force be with you." Obi-Wan blinked back sudden tears. "And you are my much-loved Master. I will not forget." Turning to go, he replied. "And may the Force be with you, Qui-Gon." -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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