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Topic:
Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 9/22/08
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JediNemesis
Registered:
Mar '03
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 8:47am
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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This is great stuff Diane!  But very, very, very disturbing and scary.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing though - disturbing and scary is VERY hard to write, at least for me.
AA23. Neat, very neat reference. And the psychic torture device - nasty! *shivers* How could the Jedi Order have kept let alone used something like that?
*brainwave* Is Dooku still with the Jedi - and if so, is he in a position of influence?
If so, then... *sniggers evilly*
I liked the bit about Obi-Wan shredding the flowers. Light and dark,light and dark. Beautiful.
- (an eagerly waiting) JediNemesis 
PS. My own first fic will be up soon!
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Shaindl
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 9:27am
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Oh, Obi-Wan is being such a man.
Stay and talk with Qui-Gon, boy, it'll make you feel better. The last thing you need is to be alone!
You know, in the best written fics, I always find myself addressing the characters directly. I should probably get that checked out. 
Lovely conversation between Qui and Obi, Diane. But they have so much left to say to each other, although I was glad to see Qui lay his heart out to Obi-Wan. I think our Obi needs Qui to get through the residual damage from those cells.
And for those of us slow on the uptake, what is the reference of AA23?
And Diane, yes, by all means, start channelling dead Jedi Masters. That should be fun...
More soon?
Shaindl
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Halfway Moment - Qui, Obi, Anakin AU - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20110461/?0 - UPDATED JULY 3!
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JediNemesis
Registered:
Mar '03
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 12:09pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Shaindl: AA23 or AA-23 is the number of the Imperial detention cell Leia is imprisoned in in ANH. Note that there's a rather nasty torture device used there too.
- JediNemesis
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Shaindl
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 12:52pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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And I thought I knew Star Wars.
I bow to vastly superior knowledge! 
Thanks for the info, Nem - and I look forward to seeing your first story!
Shaindl
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Halfway Moment - Qui, Obi, Anakin AU - http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20110461/?0 - UPDATED JULY 3!
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Dyanne_Kindred
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 1:30pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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I wondered if Obi would open up and tell Qui about the Cell. How heartbreaking.
You know... I don't see anything about Maul... could he be still around?
:: Likes to keep in touch with the enemies. ::
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Kindred - Jedi Thief
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LuvEwan
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 1:53pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Ohhhh diane! You're so EVIL!!!
Poor Obi, so sobered and responsible and dedicated.
Poor Qui, a bit conflicted, it almost seems.
But YAY! No Ani in sight!
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So it was Anakin's butt after all. He supposed he might take a modicum of comfort from that.
-Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, by Matthew Stover
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 2:46pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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JediNemesis - Scary? Disturbing? Who me? Thanks. I didn't know I could write scary and disturbing.
So you liked the AA23 reference and thanks for telling Shaindl what it is. I thought it was appropriate. I like to put things in my fics that relate back to the whole SW universe. So you will be seeing things mainly from the JA series, some of the other books, and the whole SW movies. Little snippets that kind of add to the background but makes it seem more real.
As for Dooku, great idea! Yes, he is alive and working in his chosen field at the moment....but what field is that???? He has left the Jedi by this time...sorry... but I really like the idea. Wish I had thought of it!
Yes, I really liked Obi-Wan shredding the flowers. Puts in mind the guilt, regret and remorse of what he is about to do - investigate Qui-Gon for illegal activities!
Okay, everyone, I haven't a clue on how to do links but you should check out JediNemesis's trailer in the trailer section on the Fan Fiction Writer's Resource board. I am looking forward to it!
Diane
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 3:13pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Shaindl - You've been talking to yourself again, haven't you? LOL!
Of course, if Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were really to talk, this fic would be over that much sooner....I did think that Obi-Wan would want to escape the evermounting guilt and meditate on what he is going to do about his mission. Staying would only prolong the deceptions that he needs to maintain. So I thought that would be a good place to leave.
I agree with you that Obi and Qui need to help each other out but not yet...scary organ music begins to sound....
Oh, btw, Shaindl your link to the Lesson didn't work when I tried to use it. And, not to be pushy or anything, but when are you going to update the Obi/Garen fic? Soon I hope.
There will be more tomorrow. And you'll find out a little bit more about Qui-Gon..snicker.
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 3:22pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Dyanne_Kindred - Ah, you asked a really good question. Where is our lovely Maul these days? He's been really busy - doing what he does best....LOL. Yes, you will be seeing more of our black and red friend as well as the Supreme Chancellor/Sith Lord but not just yet. Obi-Wan has some investigating to do and Qui-Gon...well Qui-Gon is going to be busy as well.
As we get deeper into the fic, you will find that I tend to balance a lot of things - so little touches might show up later as important plot points. I remember that Lucas said his movies were like a symphony with musical interludes that get repeated and changed as the movies progressed. I do the same thing (hopefully well). So you might read a conversation about a particular thing and then see it later or hear it from a different viewpoint with additional information. I tried not to be too boring when I do that but sometimes, the characters need to exchange information that just wasn't available to the other one at the time. Does that make sense?
Yes, it's best to know who your enemies are and where they are at all times...
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 3:30pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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LuvEwan - I'm evil...wait...I'm evil (said in an incredulous voice)...this from a woman who has blinded Obi-wan and then takes his memory...HAH!
You don't know how evil I can get....LOL.
I'm not evil. I'm just not telling you everything at once...
Yes, poor Obi is really conflicted. And Qui-Gon has a few secrets as well. Snicker...
As for Ani, well he wasn't in this post but he will be in the next one...He does show up occasionally in the posts but not to worry, he isn't a major, major character....
I hope I've gotten Ani right. He wasn't the hardest character to write but he does tend to get away from me and I have to keep hauling him back...LOL.
Next post is tomorrow morning.
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forever_jedi
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 3:55pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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OK, one new reader coming up!
This is really great stuff, in fact, so realistically and creepily done, that I wanted to shut my eyes and ears and shout "NO" when you were describing the present state of the Jedi. Each character so far, including Atel and Anakin, looks like "flesh-n-blood" characters. It IS a very dark and disturbing tale, but we better prepare ourselves for EIII and the annhilation of the Jedi order and temple, right? I really urge you to think of archiving this once done!
I am happy that the story will be mostly about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan - two people who had similar mindsets before, now think differently, and in the future...? That is what will be revealed, I am sure. In fact, I almost imagine that Qui-Gon will again be a "master" to Obi-Wan as he shows him that to follow the Force and serve others is not the same as serving the present Senate.
OK, your question about readers, etc. I came to the fanfiction boards only recently; also I read only "before" and "during" saga stuff. No NJO at all for me! Also, no romance. Plus, I don't have too much time, so I follow a few stories only. So, my experience is not vast. But with whatever little experience I do have so far, I heartily agree with JaneJinn about particular genres. As also, quality and popularity; they almost seem inversely proportional to each other! In my humble opinion, it is better to stick to quality - your story will then age beautifully.
I do have another observation: the most popular fics have very one-dimensional characters, where A is pure goodness and light, B is pure evil and dark, C has the IQ level of a moron. If by sad chance, one starts to write a tale where A, B, and C are all good and bad, do great things but also make some mistakes, it doesn't go down well!
Anyway, who cares? Write and (eventually) they will come. More importantly, you will feel better from the inside, knowing you wrote a great story.
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“Kenobi was luminous, a transparent being, a window onto a sunlit meadow of the Force.” RotS, Matt Stover.
"The Force will be with you, always."
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 6:09pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Welcome forever_jedi - a new reader...hurray.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Oh, I like that realistically and creepily done. Thanks. I'm trying really hard to do that. I always like fully realized characters - cardboard cutouts are not interesting in the long run, especially new characters. You can almost do that with known people since you can "sort of" fill in the spaces. I've always felt that characters are not all good or all bad - they have flaws, exploitable flaws and the way each character's flaws interact leaves them open to new situations. The hardest and easiest people to write, for me, are the bad guys. Sidious and Maul were a dream to write but they have no real dimensionality. Well...Sidious does like to collect things...LOL. Everyone has to have a hobby. For those that didn't read Tim Zahn's books, Sidious collected Luke's hand from TESB and stored it on Wayland (that's where that comes from) for cloning later. Personally, I think he just liked to play with dead things.
Most of my stories are about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I find their relationship extremely interesting (both comforting and disfunctional). There's lots of flaws to exploit there!!!
As for Ep 3, not here but there is something more going on than a simple farmer and an easy investigation....you'll just have to watch and see.
With the fanboards, I'm reading all over the place. All of the boards facinate me although my favorite remains the JA series on the Before the Saga board. I have written romance, humor, angst and not-quite horror. I like variety so I try different things.
Quality and popularity. I agree that often they do not go hand-in-hand. I was asking because some of my other fics did not get many readers and I wondered how to increase readership. This fic has more readers than I've ever had before...frankly, I'm thrilled.
I just hope I can keep it up to everyone's expectations....well, we'll find out....
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Sheila
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 6:33pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Another new reader! I saw this story mentioned on my dear LuvEwan's thread (I stalk her stories mercilessly) and thought I would give it a go. I read the story But quite a while ago when I was new to fan fiction. I hadn't even found the boards yet, I had only discovered the archived stories. I liked the first story very much and am thrilled that you are writing this sequel.
So far this story is fantastic. The idea is so original and I am enjoying this new take on the Jedi. I loved the reunion between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I cannot believe the Jedi are basically torturing their own as a punishment for disobedience. Maybe once Qui-Gon's wife discovers this she will cut Obi-Wan a little slack.
Qui-Gon nodded and suddenly moved to give Obi-Wan an enveloping hug, whispering. "Never forget that you are the son of my heart, Obi-Wan. Always." He released him and stood back. "May the Force be with you."
Obi-Wan blinked back sudden tears. "And you are my much-loved Master. I will not forget." Turning to go, he replied. "And may the Force be with you, Qui-Gon."
Beautifully drawn emotions dianethx. I will definitely be following this story very closely. I for one am having a hard time getting used to the multiple boards. I guess as I start following more and more stories on the new boards it won't seem so strange.
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LuvEwan
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/2/03 9:09pm
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
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Ani's in next post?
**plans to ignore next post**
Just kidding.
Maybe.
**waves at Shiela**
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So it was Anakin's butt after all. He supposed he might take a modicum of comfort from that.
-Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, by Matthew Stover
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
4/3/03 4:27am
Subject:
RE: Betrayal (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon angst - very AU) Updated on 4/2
- Date Edited:
4/3/03 4:42am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
dianethx
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Hi Sheila and welcome. Wow another new reader. I'm stunned and amazed at this point.
Yes, LuvEwan was an absolutely wonderful person to tell people about my fic on her story. I'm very grateful!!!!
I'm glad that you liked "But" on the Archives. Actually your story about not knowing the fan fic boards existed is pretty similar to mine. I have 2 stories in the archives because I thought that's what you have to do in order to get any stories on TFN. I didn't even know about the fiction boards til much later when I was looking through everything and discovered them - much to my delight!
So far this story is fantastic. Oh, I like that! I just hope I can keep it up to your expectations!! The people on the QGJDL seem to like it so far, hopefully, you will as well.
As for torturing their own for compliance...the Council might not see it as torture but rather as punishment for defying their commands. And he did defy them systematically at least three times.
Glad you like the emotional aspect. I'm trying hard to keep it up - well with an ebb and flow to it. Can't have constant angst - then it would get boring...LOL
As for the boards, I'm sure you will get used to it eventually. I actually like it this way for the most part because I can find new fics and older fics that I might have missed rather than dig through 10-20 pages of listings. We'll see what the final consensus is in about 5 months.
A new post coming up.
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