Author Topic: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Tahi 
Registered: Jun '02
19661_Tahiri
Date Posted: 7/4 7:27pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Sorry - fashionably late again!!!

it was too much of an expense according to the Senate accountants. So he'd had no real connection with the remaining Jedi and most of his friends had been cast out early in the first few rounds of dismissals.

Now he wondered if the constant missions had been deliberate, not so much that he was needed in the field but to keep him isolated from the other Jedi.

Damn bureaucracy and sneaky politics - I think he may well be correct.

I love those little moments you write between Obi and Atel showing their bond - it's lovely but also so sad. Isn't it tragic that poor Obi has learned not to trust anyone (except Atel and Qui-Gon)? What a sad comment on the Order.

the image of Master Yoda and Mace Windu haggling like Corellian smugglers over the price of a Council seat was so far beyond the realm of possibility that Obi-Wan could not even wrap his mind around the concept. It was preposterous.
Aie! That sure puts it into perspective.

It swallowed the horizon, looming large, growing closer with every heartbeat. The late afternoon light cast a reddish stain over the building's surface, the color of dried blood.
Fantastic imagery!!

I suspect that Sle'fey might regret his decision. devil

The shuttle's windows darkened, the sunlight morphing into artificial gloom as it slid into the landing bay.
Gloom indeed. And ominous gloom as well. Great ending. applause

Enjoyed that post even though poor Obi's pain is palpable and Qui-Gon's situation seems hopeless. Very dramatic. happy

 

-----signature-----
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
Jaira 
Title: FanForce Arkansas
PR Officer

Registered: May '05
20873_Mara Jade
Date Posted: 7/6 1:58pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
cool Bring it on.

 

-----signature-----
cry Where has all the Siriwan gone?
Need a fun break? http://z9.invisionfree.com/Jello_Anarchy/
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
Kivas 
Registered: Mar '05
14003_Darth Vader
Date Posted: 7/7 12:09pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
ok my mouth is gapping that you leave us hanging like that.

I sense a rat in all this.

 

-----signature-----
Spectres they may be, Your spectres they are
Hurt you they can.
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
ardavenport 
Registered: Dec '04
22348_Luke Skywalker
Date Posted: 7/14 4:32pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Y'know I look at the reviews before looking at the update, just to see if any closure is coming, or if its still hanging.....just to be prepared for the shock..... mischief no matter what it is.

I know the drama is building toward the fight on both planets, but over all that, Obi-Wan is so terribly wounded and damaged from all the games being played around him. Your portray of him is so intense. It's so obvious that Qui-Gon has had time to recover with being separated from the Jedi for a few year (though I guess he doesn't know what's going on back at the farm), but Obi-Wan has been hurt the worst. I look forward to seeing what happens.

 

-----signature-----
Links to all fics -- http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=25405090&brd=10304&start=26223917
The Heart of the Jedi -- http://boards.theforce.net/b/b1/26013327
---- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, JA and everything you wanted to know about lightsabers
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
mujapple-juicey 
Registered: Jul '08
40173_Anakin
Date Posted: 7/22 1:29pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms - Date Edited: 7/22 1:31pm (1 edits total) Edited By: mujapple-juicey
OK, I'm really worried now. Anak and Macy have problems with a Sith (I think)and Wan and Atel and Quiggy have problems with the Council people.
Poor Wan. All messed up. His physical state is scrambled and his mind is boggled and I don't have a good feeling on what he smells like right now. Chilling, thrilling, it makes my feet cold. OMA, what's happening outside of this?

Mango jelly whouldn't help them. cry
I wonder if the Council members are Siths or something. Especially Sle'fey.(did I spell that right?) that dude makes my feet the coldest.

I resistered yesterday if you wonder who I am. I've been reading this for a long time before I registered.
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

-----signature-----
purple halipinos
If only I could get a new lawn mower... I'd rule
I write stories too!
chicken dance!! and shoes!!
and baby powder
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
Seremela 
Registered: Jul '08
6017_Qui-Gon Jinn
Date Posted: 7/24 10:49am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
cry cry cry OH NO, LE'ORATH!!!!! Oh, that's so... that's... I don't want her to die! She's so good for Qui-Gon, she keeps him leveled. I love their relationship as you painted it in the side stories about how they meet and come together. I don't want their little girl to die either, but even if Le'orath survives by some miracle (or bacta tanks), how ever can their daughter after this???? cry

Make Maul pay!!!! angry

You are truly evil, leaving us not with one, but TWO cliffhangers. With Anakin so out of sorts that I fear he'll do something stupid against Maul, although for now he heeds the warnings of the Force enough to keep some grip on himself. I'm so glad Mace Windu did come with him.

But even if he and Mace survive, will Le'orath? Will Ben???

And you also left us with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan at Sidious' doorsteps! All those Jedi around them, but I fear for them a lot. There's no Mace here to help them confront Sidious as in RofS, and Obi-Wan's vision makes me really worried about what will happen. Not to mention Obi-Wan's state of mind as well. He's going to confront the dark without a true, clean connection to the Force *shiver*

I'm very sad that I finally caught up with the last chapter, because this is such a fantastic story and now I'll have to wait *gasp*! Hopefully you are already writing the next part, please, please! praying praying praying


As for the whole of the story: I have to admit that I didn't know what to think of 'But' at first, but it all makes sense with Betrayal. You paint a chilling picture of what more machinations from Palpatine might have led up to and the Jedi are now is such dissaray that with Obi-Wan I have a hard time believing they can get back on their feet again. Especially since so many of the best were sent off and murdered, and because now there is the Bendu, who have taken over the role of the Jedis in a way I find so much more Jedi than the Jedi were. How can they not be, with Qui-Gon as their leader? grin I think you translated his compassion for all life beautifully into the ways of the Bendu.

Awesome plot all around, with so many elements of the PT in it.

I love where you took the canon characters: Qui-Gon with his inner calm and still determined to do what the Force tells him, and how he has managed with that attitude to twart Sidious time and again until now Sidious needs him to be dead; Obi-Wan so alone, even with Atel, and so full of guilt and doubt about his mission and in the end about the whole of the order and himself as well, he's been manipulated so badly - and the pain of their seperation shines through loud and clear ('Naming Ben' was also such a good example of that). And Anakin, he's just that headstrong teen you want to trottle at times, but he's also struggling to do what is right. I see the teen that was in the PT here. Thank you for that little part about begging and what begging means to him, relating who he is now with his past as a little, helpless boy owned by others.

I love the OC's as well, they are so vividly real. I want to trottle Atel even more often than Anakin, truly, she gets on my nerves just as much as she gets on Obi-Wan's, more even I think, but through it all shines her need to do the right thing and her devotion to Obi-Wan; so much of her ideas are not her fault, although her lack of trust in her master is. I've already mentioned Le'orath. And then there's the new Jedi council, especially masters Tharten, Sle'fey and Xacor. Tharten is loathsome, she gives me the shivers. And Sle'fey and Xacor, I know what they did isn't the Jedi way and harsh, very harsh, but I can't help applaud them. They didn't shirk their duty and did what it takes, no matter how hard and distasteful, trying to keep as many of the Order safe as they could in the mean time, but ruthless in their pursuit of who was really behind it all. And I think it was the only way, because I'm sure there must have been others opposing what was going on and only these two managed to make a difference in the end, and be in a position to end Tharten's reign and now, hopefully, also giving them all a chance against Sidious.

I can understand Obi-Wan not trusting them and the way you write them gives me the feeling that they actually agree with him. And that that's why they want/need him to help rebuild the order. (Personally though I think Obi-Wan has given enough and I hope he'll go with Qui-Gon to the Bendu and the farm when this is all over; don't know how Anakin and Le'orath will think about that though grin )



So now I need more, much, much more! Do you have a pm list for this story? Because if you do, I would be very grateful if you added me to it praying praying



 

Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
mujapple-juicey 
Registered: Jul '08
40173_Anakin
Date Posted: 7/24 4:15pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Where's the postie? [looks under computer]
Where is it? [opens the fridge]

 

-----signature-----
purple halipinos
If only I could get a new lawn mower... I'd rule
I write stories too!
chicken dance!! and shoes!!
and baby powder
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
dianethx 
Registered: Mar '02
46246_TFN Turns "10"
Date Posted: 7/24 7:57pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
I had planned to at least replying to my many readers before this but Real life is being very very real at the moment. sad I have started writing the next part but it will be a while. Plus I'm going on vacation for a week so when I get back, I'll at least reply to all my wonderful readers.

Thanks for being so patient with me.

 

-----signature-----
Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 6/28/08
Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08
Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434
Master to jedidas3
Impeach Bush!
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
Darth_Leia_6669 
Registered: Apr '03
40094_Anakin
Date Posted: 7/25 12:45pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you. I hope that things will work themselves out. Enjoy your vacation! And I'm sure I'll be able to stand the wait for a while longer.... tongue

--later--
6669 devil

 

-----signature-----
SOTH: When Worlds Collide http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=28532068&brd=10476
Chapter 11 up 8-18!
Master to Lisbev!
"And the worms ate into his brain" -Hey You, Pink Floyd
Check my profile for more stories and art!
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
mujapple-juicey 
Registered: Jul '08
40173_Anakin
Date Posted: 7/28 2:43pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Alas, the time when real life kicks in!
praying enjoy your vacation!

 

-----signature-----
purple halipinos
If only I could get a new lawn mower... I'd rule
I write stories too!
chicken dance!! and shoes!!
and baby powder
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
mujapple-juicey 
Registered: Jul '08
40173_Anakin
Date Posted: 8/7 7:23am Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Nol crud.
I'm stuck in isolation.

 

-----signature-----
purple halipinos
If only I could get a new lawn mower... I'd rule
I write stories too!
chicken dance!! and shoes!!
and baby powder
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
mujapple-juicey 
Registered: Jul '08
40173_Anakin
Date Posted: 8/15 5:15pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Woohoo?

 

-----signature-----
purple halipinos
If only I could get a new lawn mower... I'd rule
I write stories too!
chicken dance!! and shoes!!
and baby powder
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
mujapple-juicey 
Registered: Jul '08
40173_Anakin
Date Posted: 8/24 5:58pm Subject: RE: Betrayal (Obi/Qui angst - very AU) Updated 6/28/08 and thanks for the noms
Just for this to be on the first page.

 

-----signature-----
purple halipinos
If only I could get a new lawn mower... I'd rule
I write stories too!
chicken dance!! and shoes!!
and baby powder
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History