| Author |
Topic:
Stealing the Past
|
Posh_British_Jedi
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
6/8/03 2:49pm
Subject:
Stealing the Past
- Date Edited:
6/8/03 3:28pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Posh_British_Jedi
|
This is my first attempt at a Fan Fic. I’m a little nervous posting this, but I’d be delighted to receive any feedback. Hope you enjoy it.
Then following takes place a short time before the events of ‘Attack of the Clones’.
Stealing the Past
The halls of the Jedi Temple echoed with the foot steps of two young Padawans, Myra Stra and Noon Tessa, as they nervously approached the Jedi Archives. Myra turned to face the diminutive Sullustian as he came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the hallway.
‘Listen Myra,’ Noon began in a hushed voice, 'I’ve got a bad felling about this.’
‘For pity’s sake, how many times must we go through this.’
Myra grabbed at the robe of her fellow Padawan, dragging him aside to a quiet corner. This was not the first time today that the patience of Myra, a tall female human in her adolescence, had been tested by her short companion. It was a great source of frustration to her that he was the only one she knew of who with the technical knowledge required for what she had in mind. However tiresome his company might prove, Myra had to admit that when it came to programming computers and droids, Noon was in a league of his own. That fact that she was able to trust him implicitly was also essential. What they were about to attempt could earn their expulsion from the Jedi Order.
‘Now, you know the plan,’ Myra began, not attempting to conceal her aggravation, ‘I’ll distract Jocasta Nu whilst you get the information.’
Noon had his doubts, ‘You know it may take a while to gain access to restricted information.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to buy you plenty of time.’ Myra turned to face the entrance of the Archive, ‘come on then, lets go.’
It was early in the day, the cavernous hall in which the archives were situated was all but deserted. Entering quietly Myra noticed Madame Jocasta Nu stood updating an information terminal.
‘Okay get going,’ She instructed Noon who immediately hurried off, a data pad clutched nervously in his sweaty palms.
Myra turned to approach Jocasta. Much to her dismay the elderly Jedi was now nowhere to be seen. Taking a deep breath she tried to sense her presence, but in such anxious state, Myra was unable to focus her mind.
With his data pad now connected to a terminal, Noon began searching through the mass of information held within the archives. Upon finding what he was looking for, he began running a programme of his own creation, designed specifically to provide access to restricted data. Noon smiled to himself as the hacking program adapted to the archives security systems, finding paths through it’s barriers, and finally extracted the forbidden data.
As he disconnected the pad he was startled by an elderly voice, ‘Hello Noon, may I be of some assistance .
Turning to face Jocasta, Noon attempted to fain an innocent smile, ‘erm yes...I mean.... er...,’ he stuttered, ‘I was just looking for...’
‘Me,’ Myra interrupted breathlessly as she came dashing round the corner to find the two Jedi.
Madame Jocasta Nu eyed the two Padawans suspiciously. She would not have needed to be sensitive to the force to realise that these two were up to something. However, her day was a busy one. She had neither the time nor patience, to preoccupy herself with the antics of mischievous youngsters . Jocasta dismissed them bowing her head, and left to continue her regular duties.
‘Well did you get it?’ Myra asked.
Noon nodded in response, handing her the Data Pad. Attaching it to her utility belt, she lead her accomplice out of the Jedi Archives.
Not until much later in the day did Myra find the courage to look at the stolen information held within Noon’s data pad. She had spent the previous hours meditating, trying to prepare herself for what she was about to see. Unfolding her legs, Myra arose from the floor of her private chamber, and walked across the room to sit before her computer terminal. Taking a deep breath she connected the data pad and waiting for the information to download. When this was complete, Myra looked at the monitor screen which was now displaying the photo ID’s of four human’s resembling herself. In this moment years of training to control her emotions left her, as Myra sat staring at the family from which she had been taken.
-----signature-----
Bigger than John Wayne Bobbitt.
Smaller than Patrick Vieira.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
tatooinewizard
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
6/8/03 3:42pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
|
I think this is good. I'm curious to know more. I know how nerve-wracking it can be posting a piece of your work for the first time. Hey, I still get nervous. Not that I've been at this an awfully long time, and not that I'm the most patient or calm person either. But still this is good. I'll keep my eyes peeled for more.
-----signature-----
Dolores Lennox--SMG I (The Murderer)
Fics in bio (The Legend of Black Saber--Winner for Best OC Story)
lordmaul13's partner in crime 
"I'm the man in the box"--AIC
There is no peace, only emotion
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
sidious618
Registered:
Apr '03
|
Date Posted:
6/8/03 5:08pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
Oh! I liked this very much!
Any clone wars in it later?
-----signature-----
But in purple, I'm stunning!- Londo Mollari, Babylon 5
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
|
Date Posted:
6/8/03 5:52pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
You have an intriguing plot coming along and you tell a story quite well. The kids seem cute and finding parents for Jedi kids is always an interesting plot line. I'll be looking forward to seeing where you will take this...
A very few pointers
Put spaces between paragraphs. It's really hard to read otherwise (especially for people who are on the computer a lot - the lines blur after a while).
Try and use a spellchecker. I found a few misspellings (not because of British/American language differences but of real errors).
You might want to go over to the Fan fiction Writer's resource board once in a while. Sometimes they have very interesting discussions about writing.
Other than that, it looks really good. Keep writing!
-----signature-----
Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 11/20/08 jedidas3's Master At last - Hope for our country
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Bravo
Registered:
Sep '01
|
Date Posted:
6/8/03 10:23pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
|
Very good! I am writting a Fan Fic for the first time also, just posted it, and your Fan Fic gave me some insight into what my Fan Fic was lacking. Keep up the good work!
-----signature-----
Believer in Jesus Christ
"All right, I'll give it a try." - Luke Skywalker, ESB
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." - Yoda, ESB
"Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back." - Shmi Skywalker, TPM
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Posh_British_Jedi
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
6/9/03 3:09pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
Thanks for all the positive comments. I’ll try my best to read as many of your contributions as I can.
I’m in two minds at the moment as to whether I should expand upon this story, or start something new. I’ve been thinking that reuniting Myra with her family could be interesting. Although the best way I've thought of doing this so far, is a little too similar to a scene in X-Men 2.
Thanks again.
-----signature-----
Bigger than John Wayne Bobbitt.
Smaller than Patrick Vieira.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Bravo
Registered:
Sep '01
|
Date Posted:
6/11/03 5:36pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
I think your Fan Fic is going very well. You have a perfect start to it, in fact I think one of the best starts I've read so far out of any Fan Fic, including my own, and if you expand on it, you have a perfect starting point. I can just see the story line unfolding in front of me right now and the chocies that the character makes and what impacts that will have on the Jedi Order.
If you don't contuine on with this, you are going to make me finish it for you, because it is so good! Please don't stop! Contuine on!
-----signature-----
Believer in Jesus Christ
"All right, I'll give it a try." - Luke Skywalker, ESB
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." - Yoda, ESB
"Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back." - Shmi Skywalker, TPM
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Bravo
Registered:
Sep '01
|
Date Posted:
6/11/03 5:39pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
I think your Fan Fic is going very well. You have a perfect start to it, in fact I think one of the best starts I've read so far out of any Fan Fic, including my own, and if you expand on it, you have a perfect starting point. I can just see the story line unfolding in front of me right now and the chocies that the character makes and what impacts that will have on the Jedi Order.
If you don't contuine on with this, you are going to make me finish it for you, because it is so good! Please don't stop! Contuine on!
-----signature-----
Believer in Jesus Christ
"All right, I'll give it a try." - Luke Skywalker, ESB
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." - Yoda, ESB
"Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back." - Shmi Skywalker, TPM
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Posh_British_Jedi
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
6/12/03 3:35pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
I’m sure I will continue this. It’s just a matter of finding the time to do it.
-----signature-----
Bigger than John Wayne Bobbitt.
Smaller than Patrick Vieira.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
emimar
Registered:
Apr '03
|
Date Posted:
6/25/03 6:32am
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
|
I didn't notice this before. I amke time to get round to reading it.
-----signature-----
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
emimar
Registered:
Apr '03
|
Date Posted:
7/11/03 8:26am
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
Sorry it took me a while to get round to reading it. A good start. I guess that Myra is looking for her family?
Please post again soon!
-----signature-----
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Zane-Marit
Registered:
Jul '03
|
Date Posted:
7/21/03 2:49pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
|
Thats a pretty good story...My advice is to tweak the storyline alittle bit. But the end has definately got to be about her getting the picture of her family. That would be awesome...
-----signature-----
Check my BIO for links to my fics...
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
PatttyB0123
Title: Latin America RSA
Registered:
Apr '03
|
Date Posted:
7/22/03 11:50am
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
Nice story. hum when you are going to post next time?
Only fix the paragraphs.
-----signature-----
Patico you will be always living in my heart  Council Jedi Master of the Lightside. Don't ever look too near where you were not call you can find spooky things. lol
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Posh_British_Jedi
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
7/23/03 4:47pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
Cheers for the feedback people.
This story’s done and dusted for now. It was kind of me dipping my feet into the fan fiction waters, seeing if I was up to it. I also wrote it rather quickly. Reading back through it now I can see many ways that I might have improved upon it. I think it’s been a useful learning experience.
As a result of receiving such positive feedback I am now working on a new piece. It may be some time until I can post it though. I desperately want to come up with something that perfectly encapsulates everything that I love about Starwars. A bit ambitious I know, but I guess you’ve got to aim high.
Thanks again for taking the time to read.
-----signature-----
Bigger than John Wayne Bobbitt.
Smaller than Patrick Vieira.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
PatttyB0123
Title: Latin America RSA
Registered:
Apr '03
|
Date Posted:
7/23/03 8:37pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
|
Yeah! great. Hum waiting for the next post.
-----signature-----
Patico you will be always living in my heart Council Jedi Master of the Lightside. Don't ever look too near where you were not call you can find spooky things. lol
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
lordmaul13
Registered:
Oct '00
|
Date Posted:
7/24/03 5:27pm
Subject:
RE: Stealing the Past
|
This was great! I do hope you plan to continue on with it. [face_hopeful]
lordmaul13
-----signature-----
tatooinewizard's partner in crime I can dream now, Joey. Oh, you wouldn't believe what I can dream of now. Hellraiser III Better Days Than These http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=27626554&brd=10475&start=27629823
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
