Jedi Council Forums - Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)

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Author	Topic: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
VaderLVR64 Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 3/31/04 11:48am Subject: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	This was also posted in response to the Obi challenge, but I needed a change from angst, so here goes again. Feel free to ignore and let it end up on page 45... Why Me? It really doesn’t seem fair, you know. It should be Qui-Gon sitting on this Force-forsaken ball of dust. He was the one who simply had to bring the boy back to the Temple. “He’s The Chosen One!” he chanted. Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it a million times. So, Qui-Gon conveniently gets himself killed leaving me with the brat, excuse me, The Chosen One. Thanks, Qui-Gon! Before he dies, Qui-Gon decides to lay a guilt trip on me, making sure he seals my fate. “You must train the boy. He is The Chosen One!” he gasps out with his dying breath. Like I need this kid in my life! I didn’t even get a chance to be a knight on my own for a while. Instant Padawan! Not just any Padawan, mind you, but the Skywalker kid. I mean, he’s cute and all, but a real pain in the nether regions if you know what I mean. Always whining about his mommy, telling me how one day he’s going to marry that Queen (okay, that one was true-still don’t know how he pulled that one off), how he’s scared…blah, blah, blah. I never even knew my mother, so what right does this kid have to whine? Training him was no picnic either let me tell you. He was constantly sneaking off to race, to gamble, and to just generally indulge in mayhem. He was a natural with a saber, so I couldn’t even wipe the floor with the little snot like I wanted to. I got so tired of trying to be the mature one, the dignified Jedi, the patient one. He’s The Chosen One, I’m The Patient One. Lucky me. Gods, I got sick of being patient. Just once I wanted to grab the little brat and thump him on his nose, and then give him a giant wedgie for good measure. I almost get the kid trained and WHAM! Into our lives walks the Queen, only she’s not a queen anymore, she’s a senator. Big whoop! I never have and never will trust politicians. I’m right about that, too. She gave me the shaft right good and proper before it was all over, you’ll see! My young apprentice, being a teenage male with hormones enough for twenty sentient beings, gets the hots for the pretty young senator and then all hell breaks loose. He simply must have her, must marry her, he loves her and needs her. Whine, whine, whine! They should have called him Darth Whine; it would have been a better fit. So, Anakin (aka The Chosen One or Darth Whine, if you prefer) turns to the Dark Side. Gee, who didn’t see that one coming? The Jedi Council, who helped stick me with the Bad Seed in the first place, decides I have to help save his kids. Now I ask you, where is the justice in that? Were they my kids? I think not! I mean, the senator is a grown up, why can’t she take care of her own damn kids? I say she should have hit up old Darth Whine for child support and lived the soft life on Naboo. I bet old Whiney boy is good for some credits. I hear the Dark Side pays pretty well. But no, good old Obi-Wan simply has to step in and save more Skywalker butts. I made sure Padme and the little girl (another whiner to be sure- you should hear that kid cry) get safely to Alderaan. I even came up with the perfect plan of revenge; send Whiney Boy’s son back to Tatooine, the above-mentioned ball of dust. I mean, Anakin hated it! His kid probably would, too, right? It was perfect! I had gotten rid of Anakin and could indulge in a long vacation, preferably in a temperate tropical climate. No more Skywalkers, no more Jedi Council, and no more politicians! My life was gonna be perfect! And then the council screwed it up. Again. Surprise, surprise. Someone had to watch over the little brat. Why me? Haven’t I already paid my dues by watching over the first Skywalker? What in the blazes had I done to deserve getting two of them? So, thanks to Whiney Boy, The Politician (I think this was all her idea), and the Council, I am sitting here on the ball of dust known as Tatooine. I’m getting the last laugh, though. There is no way in this galaxy I am training that kid. I kept his father’s lightsaber for good measure. The kid would just cut off something important if he touched it, I’m sure. I dunno if junior is as whiney as his father, but why take the chance? Besides, he’s short, what kind of Jedi is shorter than a stormtrooper? Yeah, yeah, size doesn’t matter says Master Yoda. But come on, we all know it does! Who’s he trying to fool? So junior can sit there and farm away for all I care. There is nothing in this galaxy that is going to make me train him to be a Jedi, not even if Darth Whiney came to my door and asked me to. I’m on vacation, even if it is on a dust ball. -----signature----- R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian Never forgotten Soldiers' Angels http://soldiersangels.org/ 2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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KSA_2 Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 3/31/04 12:04pm Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	I loved that! Obi-Wan never got any breaks in the canon universe, did he? -----signature----- How did Senator Amidala survive the Battle of Geonosis when all those Jedi died? I like "There's plenty (of Orcs) for the both of us, may the best dwarf win!" Gimli! How come it's called a B-Wing when it looks Like a T?
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Obi-Wan21 Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 3/31/04 12:07pm Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! That was damn hilarious!! I loved it! Great job Vader!!!!! Darth Whine!!!!!! LMAO! -----signature----- "I'm in charge. I make the rules now."
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Vivid_Scripts Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 3/31/04 12:15pm Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	ROFLMFAO!!!!! hahahahahahaha -----signature----- "trickbind"
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Gina Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 3/31/04 12:24pm Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	I say she should have hit up old Darth Whine for child support and lived the soft life on Naboo. I bet old Whiney boy is good for some credits. I hear the Dark Side pays pretty well. Absolutely hilarious! -----signature----- A long time ago in a house far away, there was a mother who was strong in the ways of the Force. She "forced" her sons to clean their room, she "forced" her sons to behave. - Part of a story written by my 9 yr. old sons I found while cleaning their desks
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leia_naberrie Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 4/9/04 2:59am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	He’s The Chosen One, I’m The Patient One. OHMYGOD! what kind of Jedi is shorter than a stormtrooper? Good question! People are staring as I type this! but it was worth it. My tummy hurts, I've got a fit of the giggles. -----signature----- http://io9.com/5111680/avatar-casting-makes-fans-see-white Upset about the casting for the Last Airbender movies? Write to Paramount about it. http://aang-aint-white.livejournal.com/1007.html
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Kazzy Registered: Oct '02	Date Posted: 4/9/04 3:40am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	So, Qui-Gon conveniently gets himself killed leaving me with the brat, excuse me, The Chosen One. LOL. Poor Obi-wan he just can't cut a break can he? I mean, Anakin hated it! His kid probably would, too, right? It was perfect! So that's why Luke was on Tatooine, and here we all thought it was to keep him safe! -----signature----- If you could touch the alien sand, and hear the cry of strange birds, and watch them wheel in another sky, would that satisfy you? - First Doctor Looking for me? For my fic? Try my LJ. http://bytheseaside.livejournal.com/profile
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JediNemesis Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 4/9/04 4:29am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	Haven’t I already paid my dues by watching over the first Skywalker? What in the blazes had I done to deserve getting two of them? That is so Obi-Wan. Brilliant! Nem -----signature----- BeTS Best Author '08 NEW Bad Dreams - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29893091 Eleven Summers - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29657584 Into The Shining Day - http://boards.theforce.net/a/b1/29224914
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Dally Registered: Apr '01	Date Posted: 4/9/04 9:17am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	hahahahaha! I love the last line. I think I see where Anakin gets his whininess...
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Jedi_Jessie_Anne Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 4/9/04 9:53am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor) - Date Edited: 4/9/04 9:59am (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi_Jessie_Anne
	That was great! I'm starting to wonder if maybe you have too much time on your hands, VaderLVR, coming up with all these great stories/viggies. I have to agree w/ Dally. Obi calls Anakin Darth Whine...Obi-Wan, are you sure your name shouldn't be Obi-Whine?
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VaderLVR64 Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 4/9/04 10:27am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	I'm starting to wonder if maybe you have too much time on your hands, VaderLVR, coming up with all these great stories/viggies. Here is my secret... I don't sleep much. I get about 4 hours a night and when it's really bad I get up and write. Or stay up and write, whatever it happens to be. Most of my stuff I write quickly and then edit, edit, edit. It either flows out frightfully fast or sticks its tongue out at me for days or weeks. I have a piece doing that right now. It's sitting in a notebook just taunting me and calling me a wimp...nasty little ficlet! Frankly, it's kicking my butt and I'm not happy about it, LOL! -----signature----- R.I.P John, Alex, Jason, and Christian Never forgotten Soldiers' Angels http://soldiersangels.org/ 2114 soldiers waiting for someone to care
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Jedi_Jessie_Anne Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 4/9/04 10:36am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor) - Date Edited: 4/9/04 10:39am (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi_Jessie_Anne
	Most of my stuff I write quickly and then edit, edit, edit. It either flows out frightfully fast or sticks its tongue out at me for days or weeks My stories are like that, too. AToF, FfS, and IMDE were the ones that just hit me, while LWE and Liberation, my fic in the Beyond the Saga forum, are, as you said, sticking their tongues out at me right now, as they have been doing forever, now. Neither has been updated in a while.
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Reihla Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 4/9/04 10:39am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	Too funny, VaderLVR! There truly is no justice for Obi. -----signature----- SagaJournal.com - an academic journal celebrating the Star Wars myth http://www.sagajournal.com/rslaughterofinnocents.html
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Laine_Snowtrekker Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 4/9/04 11:01am Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	Venting? More like whining, it seems to me. But, overall, I loved it it. I'd like to see more of your work that I haven't already seen. -----signature----- Stealth and subtlety work well, but for making lasting impressions, a blaster does just fine. -Han Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book. -Cam Palso's #1 Fan JO: RS1, Admiral, SC Fanfics are linked to in my bio
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_JM_ Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 4/9/04 1:35pm Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	Sorry, I didn’t actually find it funny. It just made me wish Obi-Wan would get a lightsabre enema since he was so full of crap. I’m probably just not in the right mood since I normally find these vignettes so hilarious. -----signature----- Seeming unable to just say "Nice post, I enjoyed it" Sometimes amazed at how "I'll reply tomorrow" becomes "I should have replied last week" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Return of a Jedi. http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23421597
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BrownEyes_Blue Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 4/9/04 2:34pm Subject: RE: Why Me? An Exercise in Venting by Obi-Wan (questionable humor)
	This is too funny! I love your viggies.....thanks for sharing them! -----signature----- "He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger." Anakin & Padme....the greatest love story in a Galaxy Far, Far Away.
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