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Author
Topic:
Spirit Warriors of Angharad *COMPLETE* Link to MS Word version available 8/4
Crystyna_Kenobi
Registered:
Jun '05
Date Posted:
7/15/05 6:57pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad (402/402) ***Completed*** 7/4/05 (No ****!!!)
Despite—or maybe even because of—Anakin’s passionate nature, the boy seemed repelled by the idea of his Master being involved in any sort of intimate relationship.
Anakin: Daddy + Women? EWW...Padme, Padme, Padme...
“There’s no dishonor in caring for someone. Love based on passion is forbidden, because it leads to jealousy and possessiveness. Love based on devotion, which is the desire to please through service, is the essence of what it means to be a Jedi. Or so my old heretic of a Master told *me,*” he said.
I LOVE Qui-Gon!!! Yay for heresy! I want some heresy with Obi-Wan. Damn that lucky med tech.
“I’m at your service, my lady. At any time I possibly can be.”
*whacks him* CAN'T he just say "I love you"? I suppose he just did but STILL. Picturing Ewan/Obi saying "I love you," gives me a happy.
-----signature-----
"Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.” Obi-Wan ala ophelia in SWoA
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Crystyna_Kenobi
Registered:
Jun '05
Date Posted:
7/15/05 7:09pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad (402/402) ***Completed*** 7/4/05 (No ****!!!)
Anakin, by contrast, seemed to have had enough of all this, and slid off his perch to go stalk over to a different corner.
Obi-Wan looked at his Padawan with weary compassion for a while, but when Anakin glanced up and glared at him, the Master Jedi turned his gaze away.
I like this. It seems very natural. How much d'you wanna bet that Anakin is screaming HYPOCRITE inside his shielded little skull?
, Obi. I bet a part of Anakin is also a bit relieved to see his Master like this, though. Unfortunately it'll reinforce his belief that he could have something with Padme one day, and still remain a Jedi. Anakin can't distinguish between attachment and devotion.
“He knows that Jedi love. He knows that I--”
*whacks Obi-Wan again* I'm going to keep hitting him until he says it. Obi is going to be braindead, I tell you. Stubborn git.
“Eventually, he got cornered by some of the Hutts’ people near one of the lifts, and he tried to *arrest* them.”
‘Oh, Force . . . I’ve gone and lost the Chosen One. What do I tell the Council now?’
I LOVE Obi-Wan!
For a moment Obi-Wan looked deeply sad, as if he also mourned the loss of innocence that came with the taking of another’s life.
That's exactly what I was talking about, except I am not nearly as articulate. I understand that people have to change as they get older, but loss of innocense really bothers me. People should stay young and happy and optimistic and safe forever - but then we'd be living in Munchkin Land. And that place actually kind of scared me.
“As you can see, he’s now . . .” Suddenly it appeared to occur to him that Anakin was not acting in a way anyone was likely to find reassuring, and he finished with a bit of embarrassment: “moody and uncommunicative.”
Silly teenager.
-----signature-----
"Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.” Obi-Wan ala ophelia in SWoA
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Crystyna_Kenobi
Registered:
Jun '05
Date Posted:
7/15/05 7:32pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad (402/402) ***Completed*** 7/4/05 (No ****!!!)
If nothing else, maybe he’d nag Anakin less about Padmé now.
Maybe he WOULD, Ani, if you weren't such a big, possessive freak. *remembers why she doesn't particularly like canon Ani.*
If the galaxy let him let him have something precious and beautiful for a little while, he would consider it a wonderful, unlooked-for gift, and only mourn its passing the way one mourned the passing of summer. The man really, truly believed that he owned nothing, had rights to nothing, and so every small pleasure that turned up was a kind of everyday miracle.
This was incredibly beautiful. I feel bad trying to write a response to it, because I always feel very inarticulate (especially after reading those ten page long responses that solojones wrote, which make me feel like a kindergartener with a crayon right now.) Also, I haven't actually been in love, so anything that I have to say with it is most likely hot air. I dont like to *pretend* that I know what I'm talking about. I think it just says a lot about Obi-Wan's character, how he's selfless and devoted even though it's not exactly a *joy* being that way. There should be more people like that.
There was only one man who got off the transport for a moment, looked around and found there was truly nothing left, and got back on, white-lipped and with the beginnings of deadness in his eyes.
This struck me as really terrible. It reminded me a bit of the pictures you'd see in the newspaper after 9/11. Maybe it's disrespectful of me to say that
but that's what it immediately reminded me of. I wont even *try* to expand that without talking myself into the ground, so I'm just going to settle for "scary..."
“I’m out to defeat all the little kids in the universe.”
The Younglings...
How I Feel About This Story:
]
]
]
-----signature-----
"Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.” Obi-Wan ala ophelia in SWoA
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Crystyna_Kenobi
Registered:
Jun '05
Date Posted:
7/15/05 7:52pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad (402/402) ***Completed*** 7/4/05 (No ****!!!)
Obi-Wan and Matreya took their time as they walked down the sterile, identical-seeming corridors, but a desire to delay the inevitable separation was only part of the reason. Obi-Wan also had a mechanical support on his leg, and that slowed him down. The support was an odd combination of metal cage and something rather like flimsy, form-fitting duraplast armor. It strapped on over his trouser leg, and served the primary purpose of annoying the blazes out of him.
You just *had* to inject practicality into the mush, didn't you,
ophelia
? It's good. That's what makes this so much better than any two dimensional romance novel. Then again, the Enquirer is better than a romance novel...but this story tops the Enquirer too!
He hadn’t had someone play “Master” to him in years, and he’d believed he hadn’t missed it much. Now that he’d been reminded of what caring attention was like, however, it turned out that he did miss it. He was missing it already.
This is an interesting aspect of Obi-Wan and Matreya's relationship...they are far more than just "lovers" She takes care of him, which a Jedi supposedly doesn't need. And she also learns from him, which he of course doesn't realize. I'm going to stop stating the obvious now.
The anticipatory grief of losing her threatened to become too keen to bear stoically, and he feared he’d be forced to make a choice between calling on his Jedi training and shutting down his emotions completely, which would be a cruel way to leave her, and expressing those emotions in a way that would be extremely embarrassing and discomfiting, especially in public.
Oh, come on. Break down, break down! Well, no, don't. Because that would take place in a chick flick, not in a heart-wrenchingly perfect Obimance that is driving me OUT OF MY MIND.
He bowed his head down next to Matreya’s as he said softly, “If I’m allowed to.”
He damn well better be allowed to. *threatenes the Council with Obi-Wan's tentpole*
Obi-Wan was truly puzzled by that. He didn’t want to discount her obviously-strong emotions, but he didn’t want her to lose sight of the truth, either. “I’ve been an appalling rescuer,” he said. “You rescued *yourself* from the wilderness and found *me,* and the first thing I did was put you right back into danger again. Then I managed to get myself half-killed, and you worked day and night trying to save my life. Finally I left you in a horrible mess while I went to go and get shot at and try to save a planet with a pole. I honestly don’t know why you still speak to me.”
“That is *not* what I needed rescuing from,” she said, stepping back and looking up at him intently
Obi, you dolt. Even *I* knew that, and I'm about as dense as JarJar Binks.
What I couldn’t bear was my ‘real’ life, and I’d be going back to that now if it weren’t for you. I never would have believed that anything else was possible.”
Duh, Obi. Yeah, right, Jedi are the epitome of wisdom.
However, for the first time in a long time, he felt the full weight of what a person gave up in order to be a Jedi Knight.
-----signature-----
"Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.” Obi-Wan ala ophelia in SWoA
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Crystyna_Kenobi
Registered:
Jun '05
Date Posted:
7/15/05 8:10pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad (402/402) ***Completed*** 7/4/05 (No ****!!!)
Yoda made one of his many “Hmmf,” noises, this one translating roughly as, “You’d better believe it.”
I LOVE Yoda!!!
The little Master walked over to where Obi-Wan was sitting, and the being’s usual stiff, wobbling gait was amplified by the resilient surface of the bed.
Aww...*giggles*
I think Yoda would bonk me on the head if I called him "cute."
I don't have enough of a brain to respond to the rest of this post...it was incredible...I hope Matreya is able to have some time to herself to figure things out. She is the best OC I've ever read.
-----signature-----
"Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.” Obi-Wan ala ophelia in SWoA
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Crystyna_Kenobi
Registered:
Jun '05
Date Posted:
7/15/05 8:45pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad (402/402) ***Completed*** 7/4/05 (No ****!!!)
He actually wasn’t entirely sure he was doing his Master any favors by waking him to eat this, but he did need to eat sometime, and Anakin had been lonely for him for days. It wasn’t the same having him around if he was just going to sleep.
Awww!! I LOVE Ani!
Anakin himself was never going to be a “perfect,” emotionless Jedi, no matter what he did, and it helped to know that Obi-Wan wasn’t either.
*Sigh* It's disappointing that Anakin finds relief in other people's failings. It's human...but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Then good Jedi like Obi-Wan wouldn’t have to suffer from being separated from those they loved. Anakin would let Jedi kids still see their parents, too, because younglings came to love their crèche Masters and later guardians as if they were parents, anyway. If that hadn’t caused the whole Jedi Order to seize up and explode, then why would it be bad if Jedi kids loved their real parents too?
I don't know how old kids are when they're in a creche..I don't even really know what a creche is, but it sounds a bit like nursery school...but the fact is that Anakin never was a part of one, was he? He just became Mr. Chosen One, and Obi's Padawan (as far as I know.) Obi-Wan, on the other hand, I'm assuming was raised in a creche, which is part of the reason why he is so entirely different from Ani. Anakin wants to change things to make it like how *he* grew up...and if he does that, there'd be a helluva lot of Vaders running around blowing up planets. He doesn't realize that he wouldn't be "reforming" the Order - and I think it DOES need a bit of reform - he'd be changing it completely.
He looked rather like he’d walked in on a play in the middle of the second act, and then suddenly found out he was supposed to be acting in it
Go get 'em, Tiger.
Anakin didn’t usually get compliments that good from Obi-Wan—he usually heard more about how his behavior hadn’t been as bad as last time
"Good show, kiddo. This time you didn't slaughter a bunch of defenseless beings with *quite* as much gusto."
It made him feel hopeful about what he might accomplish as an adult, almost as much as hearing Supreme Chancellor Palpatine tell him that he would grow up to be the one who would reform the Jedi Order.
DAMN YOU PALPATINE!!
It would be neat to be the youngest Sith killer ever, although Anakin had already been the youngest ever at so many things that the thrill was somewhat blunted for him.
Obi-Wan finished chewing some of the gray substance, all the while giving it a suspicious look as if it might be plotting some evil while no one was looking.
Eat those Brussel's sprouts, Jedi.
Anakin still didn’t like the sound of it, and he gave broad hint that he wanted Obi-Wan to move over by attempting to scoot right *into* him. “Now—that’s my bad leg, you know,” Obi-Wan said testily, but he did move over and let Anakin sit properly on the bed, without having to perch. It was a rather narrow bed, and a youth less skinny than Anakin couldn’t have managed it. “You have to sit just there, do you?” Obi-Wan asked, although this time his tone was as much fond as irritated.
Anakin didn’t bother answering that question. If he hadn’t needed to sit right there, why would he have gone to the trouble of trying?
Duh, Obi. You dolt.
I love this so much...
Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.”
I am going to make *this* my signature quote thinger...provided I figure out how. I think I relate most to this line. I can relate a lot to Anakin, which just goes to show you how well you've captured the psyche of a sixteen year old. Either that, or it just proves that I'm mental and I think I'm a blonde-haired, blue eyed Chosen One Padawan with possessive issues and a crush on a Queen from Naboo.
Anakin didn’t *want* to have to adjust to being alone, and to live with nothing but himself and the Force. He preferred to hang onto his dream about getting rid of loss and aloneness completely.
Once again part of me relating to Ani. Damn it, I dont WANT to be like Anakin!! *wails*
***
CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING THIS AMAZING STORY. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it was...I'm so sad that its over. Actually, I'm not. I'm happy for you. Now you can write more!
A lot of times, I read fics that start off rocky and gradually get better over time. This was an exception - it was incredible the whole way through. You are an extremely talented writer and I guess now I'm off to read your other fics.
/Spike/ You were my YODA, man./Spike/
Your Obi-Wan sort of makes up my Obi-Wan, now. Before reading this, I just had the movies to go on to establish what he was like and I barely knew *anything* about Star Wars except for the fact that...things were glowy and they blew up a lot. And Obi-Wan was snoggable...*clears throat* ANYWAYS, now I know that its a *tad* more complicated than that...The detail and the characterization and the complexity of the relationships in this story is wonderful.
Plus, you made me actually like Anakin. And be happy for an OCWan. Usually I'm just jealous.
Incredible incredible work. I have to stop rambling now. Ahhh...
-Crystyna
-----signature-----
"Growing up isn’t a terrible thing, where you end up all alone. It’s a good thing. It leaves you free to make of your life what you will . . . and before you know it, you’ll be ready.” Obi-Wan ala ophelia in SWoA
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
Date Posted:
8/29/05 5:44pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad *COMPLETE* Link to MS Word version available 8/4
Well I finally made myself finish it. And of course it was every bit as wonderful as I expected it to be and as it has always been. That 'We fight, they win' bit has to be one of the best endings I've ever read
I was defintely feeling the Seven Samurai bit there
Seriously, though, you know how much I admire your insight into the Jedi and especially into Obi-Wan. This just all rounded it out completely. And Anakin's story was wrapped up, too, in the sense that it *wasn't* wrapped up, as he's still left with his demons... Their relationship though, goodness. So touching. I love your Alec-esque take on Obi-Wan. I was definitely feeling it these last few posts.
More importantly than writing yet *another* ridiculously long and rambling discussion piece, I just have to say thanks so much. Not only because this is in all honesty one of the best stories I've read of any kind, but also for your lovely inspiration and friendship. This story has been tough, tough, tough for you to write, I know. It's been crazy at times. But I am so, *so* thankful for your perserverence in writing it. Honestly, it was one of the biggest things that got me through my senior year. Just knowing that almost every day I could come home and read something I loved and have great conversations about it with you and these other wonderful, witty, fun, insightful people made my year and really got me through the ridiculous stress.
I know I'm just a stupid kid, but I admire you so, so much
ophelia
. For whatever dorky sentiment it's worth, you're my Obi-Wan Kenobi
-----signature-----
6 x 9 = 42
Proud member of the Colbert Nation
Obi-Wan Kenobi and Obi-Wan Kenobi in Ghost Ship Executor
All Hail Cliegg's Blue Leg!
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lvk1978
Registered:
Sep '04
Date Posted:
10/28/05 8:42pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad *COMPLETE* Link to MS Word version available 8/4
solojones
posted:
Maybe if I don't read the end, it'll never end
Finally, finally...I faced the awfulness of it all (the end of your brilliant novella)...I bit the bullet and read the last chapter and cried like a wee bairn.
I just wanted to thank you for your determination, your grit, your perseverance and your absolutely breathtakingly beautiful use of words. Never have I been so enchanted, so thoroughtly entertained and spellbound. Without a doubt, the
BEST
Obi/Ani mush in the annals of fic.
I laughed,
I cried,
I spit in Palpy's eye!
And to those of you who might be annoyed to see SWoA back on the first page -- TDB! I had to let this brilliant woman know just how much her story meant to me. After all, this story reinforces the notion that the Prequels exist just to show us how hot Obi-Wan was as a young man.
Brava, darlin', brava!
The closest I could come to a bouquet. Mil gracias, ofelia.
-----signature-----
“Kenobi was luminous, a transparent being, a window onto a sunlit meadow of the Force.”
"This is Obi-Wan Kenobi:
He is modest, centered, and always kind.
He is the ultimate Jedi.
And he is proud to be Anakin Skywalker's best friend."
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solojones
Registered:
Sep '00
Date Posted:
1/13/06 3:49pm
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad *COMPLETE* Link to MS Word version available 8/4
My Dearest
ophelia
,
Not having considered myself quite insane enough or filled with enough angst, I recently decided this required another read. This time, I am able to read SWoA straight through like a normal novel, which is no less than it deserves. I have some new appreciation for it that I'd like to share. Plus, let's face it, reading this story is just plain SW nerd bliss. Here are some brief (for me) comments:
Chapter 1
I had forgotten how much I like Vengeance. A lot of times bad guys are non-descript in stories like these, but you’ve really managed to not only make him interesting but to reveal things about him over the course of the story that makes him more interesting on a second read. His whole story really illustrates the predatory nature of the Sith. Not only because he is now a predator, but because he was once the Sith’s prey.
Also, I forgive you for having R2 in here. It’s better than having a non-descript astromech with them. *Someone* has to save the day, at any rate.
I can really picture the grove or martyrs, again because of
Seven Samurai
. But now I also feel like this story is about martyrdom on several levels. Anakin’s and Obi-Wan’s living martyrdom come to mind most prominently, and also Obi-Wan’s later near-physical martyrdom. Very nice literary thread there.
Chapter 2
I have to admit, the first time I read this, the details of this first chapter escaped me somewhat. I think I was trying to take in all the names and the fact that I’m terrible with spatial imagination and memory didn’t help
But this time, what struck me was just how perfect this opening is for the story on a whole. Especially the story between Obi-Wan and Anakin.
See in a sense we already know just from the films that Obi-Wan would probably be willing to do what he almost has to do here. However, knowing all that happens between these two and the depth of feeling you’ve put between these characters makes this little incident more meaningful.
Also, the scope of the overall conundrum Obi-Wan is facing seems larger and the problem more urgent after having seen just what Perahta is capable of.
I really appreciate your portrayal of Obi-Wan’s relationship to the Force. It represents, I believe, the thought of an author who understands specific spiritual matters better than some. I feel like all too often the Force is treated in stories as simply a tool. But it’s meant to be more personal than that to a Jedi, which is something I feel is important to any Jedi story. It’s a cop-out to just say they have some blind allegiance to it and never to go into it much. This story really hits home personally for me I think largely because you haven’t neglected the Force as a character in the story and in relation to other characters.
Chapter 3
I hadn’t forgotten the LOSer concept, but my love of it is renewed. The concept seems very Jedi, and the nickname very high-school student
Aaand here we get the contrast to Obi-Wan’s relationship with the Force in Anakin’s. Brilliant. One thing I love about reading this story as a whole as it was meant to be read is that I get a great sense of the structure. You manage to establish all the important things about the situation and the characters within these first few chapters. Knowing how the issues are expanded and worked out later makes the angst all the more delicious
"No one ever defeats the Dark Knight!” he cried, as Uyek jabbed him repeatedly in the chest with a plasform tube.
Ahh Pre-RotS prediction creepy/sadness
Also, why are you so darn good at working in action, plot details, and personal reflection?! It’s unfair. The scene with Obi-Wan walking back to the barn gets out everything at once. Quite skillful, if I do say so.
"I know. Almost everyone likes him," Obi-Wan said wearily. //It's a pity I'm going to have to strangle him.//
Still one of my favourite lines. It say so much about both of them in such a succinct and hilarious way. You introduce the tone of the whole following conversation well. And it’s a good tone. You always manage to include some lightness so none of your readers jump off of anything dreadfully high. Good plan.
Obi-Wan talking about his past… still something I have yet to work into my own writings but have been meaning to do. I don’t think I could ever top the great stories you’ve come up with, though.
Chapter 4
“Fine then,” Obi-Wan said. He raised himself up on his elbow and leaned in toward Anakin’s face. Anakin got a really good look at his Master's exhaustion-reddened eyes as he said: “Go. To. Sleep.” With that Obi-Wan rolled back over and tossed a fold of his mantle over his head.
One of your typically beautiful ‘so Obi-Wan’ scenes. Wait, who is acting a bit like a child here, Obi-Wan?
Though he always manages to be a really, really serious child nonetheless.
He tried using the Force to find the source of his fear: //What is it? What do I have to be afraid of?//
As if in answer, the loft door swung open wider with the whisper of a creak. Frozen like an insect encased in ice, he watched the bar of light on the floor grow, framing a long, cloaked shadow. A strange, half-animal hiss filled his ears. The sound soon resolved to a voice: "Vengeance."
Wow, this is wonderful. Especially, again, from a post-RotS viewpoint. You picked your Sith’s name well. Even if just for this exchange, it was worth it. Vengeance really *is* what Anakin has to fear, since it’s going to be his downfall. Even if the Mosquito variety isn’t.
This whole scene is appropriately creepy. I was reading this in the dark and that helped. But it’s one of your more cinematic moments, if I may say so. I can just picture this as something of a cross between
Signs
and
Lord of the Rings
.
I was so excited when I read the end of this chapter. I can get Obi-Wan and Anakin from other stories, but I can only get Matreya here
Chapter 5
I have probably mentioned it before, but it bears reiterating. Matreya is the best woman for Obi-Wan I’ve ever seen or been able to imagine. And I have a really hard time imagining it at all
But besides just being Obi-Wan’s love interest, I love her as a character on the whole. She’s so Bacall or Berghman or something. Minus the blonde.
…on another note, I hate Mouse. In a loving way. We’ll just say I agree with Obi-Wan on the subject. But his inclusion is brilliant. I don’t know where you came up with his strange way of talking or addressing people, but it seems like something that should be a quirk of a memorable movie character.
Oh yes, speaking of Freespace, I might want to borrow it…
I’m going to take this opportunity to thank you, also. Thank you for not having Matreya’s first impression of Obi-Wan be “well he’s serious but my isn’t he good looking
”. That gets a little old. It’s probably *not* what one would think upon first meeting him. He’s a weird, intimidating guy. He has to grow on you.
Although, his chivalry is a bit endearing off the bat
Chapter 6
It was not lost on the Illorian that Kenobi was a Sith-killer. He'd destroyed Vengeance's predecessor while still a Padawan learner, after all. Clearly, the Jedi knew what he was about.
Don’t forget it
This instance reminds me of the line in the RotS novel where Grievous tells Obi-Wan he’s been trained by Count Dooku and Obi-Wan replies that he trained the man who killed Dooku. In any case, I wouldn’t be underestimating the Sith Killer or the Chosen One.
Ahh, I just love how much of a thorn in Palpatine’s side Obi-Wan must have been all those years
I enjoy the early glimpse at Obi-Wan’s tactical ability… or actually a glimpse at it at all. Unfortunately the films only allow time for allusions. The Clone Wars cartoons, while fun, certainly don’t offer the realism to be credible insights on The General’s tactics
That’s something I can’t wait to do myself. And I feel like I’m going to owe Orson Scott Card and Stephen Ambrose some acknowledgements.
One day he'd be old enough and powerful enough to show Obi-Wan that he was someone who *should* be listened to.
I detect a mix of foreshadowing and irony. Yes, Anakin, you’ll get a chance to show him. And you’re still going to be put in your place. If only he could learn to live with it.
You're not undertaking it for my sake, after all, you're doing it for yours. Somewhere inside of *you* is the man you're meant to be." He emphasized this idea by pointing toward Anakin's chest, as if a guiding spirit were in there already, waiting to be discovered. "Look for him. Try to listen to him. He's the one who knows what your true place in the scheme of things will be. One day, he'll be obvious to you.”
Beautifully put and quite true, not only in the Star Wars sense but in general. Also, I detect some Socratic method in Obi-Wan’s style. It’s either from Socrates or Richard Simmons. I get them confused.
Ironic that after Obi-Wan tells him this and his little angel/demon voices come back, he fails to realise that the more angelic of the two is probably just the person Obi-Wan has been urging him to find.
Chapter 7
I had forgotten how tired and worn down Obi-Wan was here near the *beginning* of the story. His stress level by the end is all the more ridiculous in this light. Sheesh, what are you trying to do to the poor man?!
Something as simple as Obi-Wan making platonic small-talk with Matreya manages to be much more heart-warming and romantic than steamy, passionate scenes. You know, maybe those
Casablanca
writers were on to something. They were fairly good, I think
He hadn’t inspired faith in very many people lately, and the satisfaction implied in her simple nod meant a great deal to him.
And things like this
…and then you go right from that to Vengeance. Such is the beauty of your ridiculous mind and story
I’m glad you don’t allow me to enjoy the semi-mush for too long. It wouldn’t be good for me.
Mouse’s blabbering adds to the cinematic tension I envision in my mind for this whole bridge scene. Lovely little addition. He’s kind of like a really annoying drum… or something.
“Wizard,” Anakin breathed.
Obi-Wan was less enchanted. “*Dangerous,*” he answered back.
Another one of my favourite, telling exchanges. There’s so much to be said about minimalistically hitting the right beats like you have here. I could really *feel* this moment and see it, and sense the completely different emotions going through the two Jedi here and clouding both their perceptions of what you have set up as a breath-taking scene. Ultimately, though, it just reeks of Impending Doom, which is one of my favourite fragrances. I think that’s also the name of Obi-Wan’s cologne.
There were few people in the galaxy who knew less about pregnancy and childbirth than a male Jedi Knight
This is completely true but also conjures up some hilarious images of awkward padawan health classes. I can just picture them sorting the girls and boys into two rooms, and the poor male instructor not knowing what he was talking about in the first place. This, of course, would happen at about age 20, in time for knighting, you know.
I like action in films, but I don’t generally like reading action all that much because I find it hard to follow. But I’ll have you know that I read through this whole section fairly quickly this time and enjoyed it very much. As I mentioned waaay back when, it reminded me of a Michael Crichton scene. That crossed with Eroll Flynn. Good combination.
And of course the cologne is sprinkled about heavily at the end of this scene. Anakin on his own should worry anyone, and poor Obi-Wan gets normal person worry time about 14.
Chapter 8
The image of Vengeance eyeing the helpless people of Wemilat for some reason escaped my memory before. This time it was just really, really creepy. It seriously made me understand why Anakin is so keen on skewering this guy, besides the fact that Anakin likes to skewer people in general.
I think these scenes with Obi-Wan and Matreya just talking are some of my favourites of the whole novel. You know what a fan I am of simplicity set up by, as you call it, the background work. You yourself have obviously done all of that for these scenes. Not only is the situation conducive to character-development, but you know where the characters are coming from and going. Obi-Wan feeling like a rather poor Master is wonderfully analogous to Matreya feeling like a rather poor person in general. Their shared desire to *do* more important things comes about slowly and subtly, but ends up being a really important connection.
One of the other things I like about this scene is that instead of having an unrealistic overflow of emotions and sharing between near-strangers, you reigned it in realistically. I love Matreya for her ability to recognize that it’s ok that Obi-Wan is someone who needs time alone and distance sometimes. I for one think that’s more of what Obi-Wan needs, a safe environment to be himself, rather than an environment where he would be pressured into behaving differently because someone thinks he *needs* to be more open.
As a bit of a sidenote, I think that’s one reason his relationship with Qui-Gon worked better than his one with Anakin. Qui-Gon was obviously different from Obi-Wan in a number of ways, but he seems to have appreciated those differences and understood that those things weren’t going to change, that each of them could be good Jedi but different kinds of Jedi. Anakin, on the other hand, seems to think that Obi-Wan should change to be more like him. This is probably what the majority of fans think, too. But, to paraphrase your earlier point, I think Obi-Wan needs to change to become more *himself*, his full self, the one we see by ANH. I like him the way he is
Marriage as a business contract: still terrible but still unfortunately believable.
Another thing I like about Obi-Wan and Matreya’s conversations are the conflicts. They don’t agree on a few fundamental things about how they’ve been raised and on their faith. Yet they manage to talk them over in a civilized manner and, I think, to learn a bit from one another. This is probably because Matreya is a woman. The boys could learn something from her
"I don't know how I'd get by without faith in the Force’s will. I find it's important to believe that good will prevail, somehow or other."
A brief comment… the interesting thing about Star Wars is that, while it draws on a lot of RL faiths and philosophies, it doesn’t really seem to be condoning pluralism. The Force is, afterall, undisputable truth in the GFFA. It’s just that some people respect it, some people abuse it, and many people don’t see it at all. In the SW world, we as viewers are privellaged to see objectively that Obi-Wan is right here in that the Force’s will is important, not just as the Marxiam “opiate of the masses”, but as a real, ultimate truth.
Now I have a literary question, so you can talk instead of just me making blind conjectures. Was there a special logic to cutting back and forth rather quickly between Obi-Wan and Anakin as Anakin and Vengeance’s battle approached? I’m thinking of the cinematic term ‘editing logic’, of course.
Again, your background for Obi-Wan is wonderfully woven, reasonable, explanatory even, especially for the specific way in which you write him. I wish I could use it because I’d love to pretend our stories existed in the same universe, but alas, it isn’t meant to be. Yours is from a universe written by a really old person before the invention of such things as padawans, midichlorians, and EwanObi-Wan.
Anakin’s fight, like the one with the bridge, is an action sequence I liked reading. I’m not the only one who’s watched too many movies, here. And yes, as the fight escalates, it really got more exciting. To be perfectly honest, when I read this the first time as it was posted daily, I was getting a bit bored with it. Not terribly, but it’s hard to follow something like this when it’s chopped up like that. Reading it straight through was a lot more fun. I really wish everyone would re-read completed fic novels, especially when they were so clearly intended to be read that way.
Chapter 9
Ok, I think I got a bit of the editing logic in this particular place, anyway. Obi-Wan’s worry over Anakin is important to catch, but I think the very real and present image of the dying Iban makes it all the more meaningful to us and to Obi-Wan. Might as well hang a “this could be Anakin” sign over Iban. Very nicely done.
I don’t even know what I can say about Anakin’s return. This remains one of my favourite bits in all of fanfiction. It’s so heavy, but so patiently anticipated and pieced together. You certainly didn’t go about this character study business lightly. It’s the kind of thing we writing nerds aspire to. Absolutely wonderful, especially for readers who like to feel sorry for Obi-Wan
But of course, it’s much more than feeling sorry for him. It’s just the whole understanding of him and especially of his relationship to Anakin. I wish I didn’t feel like I was just rehashing all the ideas from this chapter in ‘The Cure’, but I’m really afraid I might be.
However, tucked into this ‘woe is Obi-Wan’ bit is that lovely but sad section with Anakin for a few moments being the man he’s supposed to become. I haven’t really read fics where Anakin doesn’t go to the Dark Side. But I can imagine at least partially that he could really be a truly great, great Jedi. It’s such a shame he doesn’t reach that until the very end of his life.
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ophelia
Registered:
Jun '02
Date Posted:
1/14/06 7:51am
Subject:
RE: Spirit Warriors of Angharad *COMPLETE* Link to MS Word version available 8/4
*Where* did you dig up this old novel?!
Ah, Lor' bless ye,
sj
, it's kind of you to respond with second impressions after all this time. I've actually been re-reading the thing myself, with an eye to finally editing it, although I've been reading it backward.
This is partly because it's the last 2/3 that are essentially unedited, and partly because I often read ridiculously huge books that way. It's like if I start at the end, I can keep the exit in sight, and make a bolt for it if I have to.
All of TFN must be *so* sick of seeing this thing, so I'll just respond quickly to things I haven't already covered at length back during the "DVD commentary" of the story itself . . .
I have to admit, the first time I read this, the details of this first chapter escaped me somewhat. I think I was trying to take in all the names and the fact that I’m terrible with spatial imagination and memory didn’t help
No, you're excellent with that . . . my guess is that you just prefer to take in a picture all at once rather than try to assemble details. Most visual people do. I'll keep that in mind as I go over that section again . . . I may have bombarded the reader with too much information at once in an attempt to get them up to speed.
One thing I love about reading this story as a whole as it was meant to be read is that I get a great sense of the structure. You manage to establish all the important things about the situation and the characters within these first few chapters. Knowing how the issues are expanded and worked out later makes the angst all the more delicious
I'm glad the structure seems to be holding up under the weight of the novel's length and the time it took to write it . . . so far, I've been happy with the basic structure--it's really more that certain sections need to be cleaned up--redundant authorial yakking removed, etc.
Oh yes, speaking of Freespace, I might want to borrow it…
Go ahead. I've said before that I write open-source fanfic. People don't even need to ask, although I appreciate a brief credit somewhere. That's all I offer GL for borrowing all his stuff . . . I can't really ask for more from other people.
Thank you for not having Matreya’s first impression of Obi-Wan be “well he’s serious but my isn’t he good looking ”. That gets a little old.
Hey, I had 600 pages to work with. Why rush things? Obi-Wan just doesn't seem to like to do things in a hurry. If he did, this story would have been a lot shorter.
Also, I detect some Socratic method in Obi-Wan’s style. It’s either from Socrates or Richard Simmons. I get them confused.
They get *me* confused. Especially the part where Socrates got scary underarm-hair implants and locked Plato in a cave. Wait--maybe that was from The Matrix and not Star Wars at all.
Oh, now I'm completely lost.
I’m glad you don’t allow me to enjoy the semi-mush for too long. It wouldn’t be good for me.
Well . . . I remember liking the IMAX version of AOTC about 200% better than the original release, because they had to cut 20 minutes--almost all of which came out of the love story. Somehow, it all seemed more moving and believable when there was less of it--I think it's because my mind filled in the blanks with whatever my subconscious idea of "love story" is. (Actually, judging by SWoA, it's probably depressing as hell.) When you think about it, we don't see very much of Romeo and Juliet falling in love, either . . . there's just the balcony scene, and then we assume the rest. I kept feeling like less was more. Actually, I was thinking that the Obi-Wan/Matreya parts needed some serious cutting--or at least streamlining.
Ultimately, though, it just reeks of Impending Doom, which is one of my favourite fragrances. I think that’s also the name of Obi-Wan’s cologne.
That's beautiful, man . . . that's sig quote material.
But, to paraphrase your earlier point, I think Obi-Wan needs to change to become more *himself*, his full self, the one we see by ANH. I like him the way he is
Ooh, good call. And re your comment on writing a never-fallen Anakin . . . it's really hard. Actually, I find that whole character dreadfully difficult to write. He seemed horribly inconsistent in AOTC--RotS was much better, but he's still not easy to write. There are sections of SWoA where I need to harmonize his character, too. Hayden Christensen isn't going to get any flak from me over his Anakin portrayal . . . that character's a tangled-up nightmare.
A brief comment… the interesting thing about Star Wars is that, while it draws on a lot of RL faiths and philosophies, it doesn’t really seem to be condoning pluralism.
::Sigh:: Tell that to Orson Scott Card, would you? He wrote this whole long essay basically claiming that hard-core Star Wars fans don't understand Star Wars, based on one out-of-context piece of dialogue and the conviction that we don't get that the Jedi seriously screwed up. The little "galaxy enslaved by the Sith" thing *was* a little difficult to miss.
Now I have a literary question, so you can talk instead of just me making blind conjectures. Was there a special logic to cutting back and forth rather quickly between Obi-Wan and Anakin as Anakin and Vengeance’s battle approached? I’m thinking of the cinematic term ‘editing logic’, of course.
Well, there's the "less is more" thing, and fast cuts back and forth between scenes generally build tension. OSC, of all people, wrote an essay on *that* too, and pointed out that his chapters generally get shorter at the end of a book. If you're asking me that question, the set-up probably doesn't work, however. My guess is that it's a combination of awkwardness over cutting from action scene to love story scene (not ideal, but unavoidable in this case) and the fact that there's too much dead air in the OW/Matreya scenes. I need to get those up to film noir caliber . . . dialogue carried almost everything; the "authorial voice" of the camera mostly shut the hell up.
I wish I could use it because I’d love to pretend our stories existed in the same universe, but alas, it isn’t meant to be. Yours is from a universe written by a really old person before the invention of such things as padawans, midichlorians, and EwanObi-Wan.
An elegant fanfic . . . for a more civilized age.
Ok, I think I got a bit of the editing logic in this particular place, anyway. Obi-Wan’s worry over Anakin is important to catch, but I think the very real and present image of the dying Iban makes it all the more meaningful to us and to Obi-Wan. Might as well hang a “this could be Anakin” sign over Iban.
Yeah . . . I needed to establish Vengeance as a credible threat--all he'd done up until this point is loom menacingly. What good is a Sith who doesn't kill anybody? He might as well sit home and knit black capes. I also needed to establish Matreya's "working personality" and the basic way she and Mouse did their job. I sure couldn't step into the scene where Obi-Wan was circling the drain and do it then--and that's when we really need to know.
Some of the stuff that could be dead air actually needs to stay, because it establishes stuff that's essential to faster-paced scenes later. Of course, GL, probably would say the same thing about TPM, and I'd say, "You're wrong! That whole thing could have been 20 minutes long!!"
Again, thank you for commenting.
*I* don't mind seeing this ancient dinosaur around again, but others might, so I'll quietly duck out now.
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"Once upon a time, again."
--Onoto, NaNoWriMo entry
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