Jedi Council Forums - Eluding What Will Come (AU fic updated July 28, 2006)

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Author	Topic: Eluding What Will Come (AU fic updated July 28, 2006)
Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 10/2/04 12:03am Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Sept. 30, 2004
	I guess nobody liked this post. Le sigh pulls out lyre and starts singing Ovid, Amores* 2.6.* Quid referam timidae pro te pia vota puellae -- Vota procelloso per mare rapta Noto? Septima lux venit non exhibitura sequentem, Et stabat vacuo iam tibi Parca colo. Nec tamen ignavo stupuerunt verba palato+; Clamavit moriens lingua: 'Corinna, vale!' Colle sub Elysio nigra nemus ilice frondet, Udaque perpetuo gramine terra viret. Siqua fides dubiis, volucrum locus ille piarum Dicitur, obscenae quo prohibentur aves. Illic innocui late pascuntur olores Et vivax phoenix, unica semper avis; Explicat ipsa suas ales Iunonia pinnas, Oscula dat cupido blanda columba mari. Psittacus has inter nemorali sede receptus Convertit volucres in sua verba pias. Ossa tegit tumulus -- tumulus pro corpore magnus Quo lapis exiguus par sibi carmen habet: Colligor ex ipso dominae placuisse sepulcro. Ora fuere mihi plus ave docta loqui. grieves -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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obaona Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 10/2/04 12:10am Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Sept. 30, 2004 - Date Edited: 10/2/04 12:11am (1 edits total) Edited By: obaona
	Hey!! I didn't know this had been updated. If I ever miss an update, you have my permission to PM me a beating. (Though I'm already at myself. ) It was good! I loved how Nyssa doesn't just attempt to fall into Daven's arms (though I can just picture it - he's so shocked he lets her fall ), she tries to get him to join him in what she sees as his (and her) best bet. Interesting that Daven sensed her deception, but not the reason for it. But you very skillfully reinforced Nyssa's feelings to the reader through her actions, even if Daven is still confused. It takes a good writer to tell the reader something, through the character's eyes without the character ever figuring it out - and making it all believable. But of course you pull it off. Wonderful. I can't wait to see what happens next. Does Daven join the Rebellion? I don't think it has the people or skill or resources to protect any Jedi right now (like how Luke evaded capture in the OT time period). Hmmm. And what will Nyssa do? Follow him? I don't think it will be that simple for her. sighs More. Quickly. [edit] Really random - I recognized puellae and venit in that . . . whatever that is! W00t! feels smart -----signature----- MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty my recent Atton (KOTOR2) fic: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/30335989
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Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 10/2/04 12:32am Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Sept. 30, 2004 - Date Edited: 10/2/04 12:34am (1 edits total) Edited By: Happy_Hobbit_Padawan
	Darn it, Atty. Here I've been attempting to back off my fan fic addiction and you have to go and post a new addicting story? Sorry, I've been lurking since I decided to read it several days ago. (I couldn't pass up peeking at a new story by you, I love your other one so much too). But I love it. Love the characters. Love the confrontation with Vader. Love how the story's going. I love it all. -----signature----- Belaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Get jiggly with it at Jello Anarchy.
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Amidala_Skywalker Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '01	Date Posted: 10/2/04 6:51am Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Sept. 30, 2004
	Excellent post, Jayen! Hmm, perhaps you should start asking your readers if they would like to be PMed update notifications. In my experience, it makes a story easier to follow . And hey, you're flattering me . I'm not going to say something silly like "It's unwarranted" or "Really, there's no need" because I liked hanging on every scene and pushing you to complete the story. Slow and steady always wins the race - even if you're a turtle. I'll try to beta another post ASAP! Ams -----signature----- Amsié, Crest of Handmaidens . ___ TF.N Archive Reviewer ___ Battlestar Galactica is the new way.
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 10/3/04 2:26am Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Sept. 30, 2004
	oba: I didn't know this had been updated. If I ever miss an update, you have my permission to PM me a beating. (Though I'm already at myself.) Aw I fingered as much. I trust your loyalty But I just took the pleasent opportunity to recite a poem about a dead parrot going to birdie heaven. I loved how Nyssa doesn't just attempt to fall into Daven's arms (though I can just picture it - he's so shocked he lets her fall ) I could totally picture that, too. "Wha-?" floop, crash Interesting that Daven sensed her deception, but not the reason for it. Yep. What sort of writer would I be if I let Nyssa's little secret go so early? Besides, Nyssa's a person used to hiding her feelings as deep as she can. And Daven, well, isn't the most focused lightsaber on the belt when it comes to women's more romantic feelings. His line of thought: Nyssa= bounty hunter = bad. Thus bounty hunter's thoughts also = bad. But you very skillfully reinforced Nyssa's feelings to the reader through her actions, even if Daven is still confused. It takes a good writer to tell the reader something, through the character's eyes without the character ever figuring it out - and making it all believable. Thanks , but I have to admit that I had numerous point of view problems with this scene and had to revise I had to cut a lot of Nyssa's thoughts, but, in the long run, it gave me a better understanding as to how and why she was reacting to what she was reacting to. I don't think it has the people or skill or resources to protect any Jedi right now (like how Luke evaded capture in the OT time period). Yes, I do wonder what the early forms of the rebellion looked like Surely it must have been rising even at that early stage. I don't think a group could amass that many people and ships in anything under a decade and a half. It is interesting to note that the ANH rebellion has no Jedi, so you're probably right on that account. Poor Daven. No place to run or is there? Really random - I recognized puellae and venit in that . . . whatever that is! W00t! feels smart Before you know it you'll be reading that thing in meter Bel: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel! squee tackle hugs Darn it, Atty. Here I've been attempting to back off my fan fic addiction and you have to go and post a new addicting story? I aim to fill the hours that you could spend cleaning your room or saving the rain forest on mindless drabbling regarding two imaginary people that don't even exist in the real fake world. points to Amsie blame her! Her fualt! Sorry, I've been lurking since I decided to read it several days ago. You'll get no chiding from me My lurker talents still pop up now and again. Thank you from letting me know that you read it, though It means a lot But I love it. Love the characters. Love the confrontation with Vader. Love how the story's going. I love it all. Thank you so much, Bel Amsie: Hmm, perhaps you should start asking your readers if they would like to be PMed update notifications. In my experience, it makes a story easier to follow. I suppose you're right. Why are you always right? I will, I guess, as much as I hate to bug people And hey, you're flattering me And you love it! Admit it, babe and deserve it I'm not going to say something silly like "It's unwarranted" or "Really, there's no need" because I liked hanging on every scene and pushing you to complete the story. And it was a really welcomed thing to have! I knew that this story wouldn't exactly get the readership of my runofthemill A/P stuff, so it was nice to know that at least one person would care what happened to Daven and Nyssa and at least one person would be upset if I didn't finish. That made all the difference in the world Oh, I need to stop it with the mushiness! Um .... ha! Nothing sweet about that. Stupid face, anyway Slow and steady always wins the race - even if you're a turtle. holds up hand to block eyes from sun I think I see that turtle. He's ... he's crossing the finish line! He beat me! Yeah, that's more a joke for Suns I'll try to beta another post ASAP! Whee! It's October 3rd, which means that Halloween is exactly 28 days from now! So here's an absurd amount of pumpkin smilies: -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 10/8/04 8:22pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Sept. 30, 2004 - Date Edited: 11/28/04 12:33am (1 edits total) Edited By: Pallas-Athena
	*** Daven had gone through great lengths to avoid Nyssa at every possible junction. He found a way to be asleep when she awoke, getting up when she went to bed, and mediating in those few hours in which they both managed to be awake. Their conversations were often strained with Daven mumbling only as many words as necessary about eating or changing watch shifts. Nyssa, in her many days alone, attempted to feel nothing but irritation, or, even better, apathy for the stubborn Jedi. Her more vengeful side simply tempted her to just kiss him goodbye and throw him out of the airlock for being such an eopie’s butt. Oh, she would miss him, sure, but time healed all wounds. She had been in love and had lost loves before. Why should Daven be any different? Let him go to that useless rebellion, she thought bitterly. He can die there, for all I care. If only she could convince herself to mean it. The world of Maylass appeared, centered in the viewscreen, as the Gray Star pulled out of hyperspace. Maylass V was less of a planet and more of a moon, rotating irregularly around the gas giant. It glistened blue against the red planet framed behind it, but, despite the contrast of colors, Nyssa still had trouble locating it with the naked eye. She waited patiently as the navicomputer locked on to its target, and the ship began to pull towards Maylass V. She heard Daven approaching from the crew quarters, returning after his meditation early, and she turned to watch him as he entered. He had healed remarkably well, Nyssa noticed; the swelling around his eye had completely receded, his bruises were gone, and his cuts were little more than a few brownish-red scabs. “Are we in system?” he asked, chirpy once more. She could have sworn, although she wasn’t Force sensitive, that euphoria radiated of him as he took the copilot’s seat. “Yeah, we should reach Maylass Five’s atmosphere within –” she checked the chronometer – “fifteen minutes.” He nodded thoughtfully and leaned back. He seemed calmer and more content just now than he had been during the past several days. She could only imagine it was because they would be parting ways soon, since he was often edgy in her presence. “The Force has been quite pleasant of late,” he said, answering her unspoken question. He looked at her, eyes filled not with spiteful distrust, but relaxed acceptance. “I sense that the future will be brighter. Perhaps I have made the right decision about the rebellion. But I feel, maybe, that I have been unduly harsh to you. For that, I am sorry.” “The Force told you all that?” She tried to conceal her astonishment and delight at his apology with unintentional badgering. “Yes, if in not so many words,” he smiled softly, almost shyly. “You did save my life, though, and I am grateful.” There was more to his visions, but Nyssa probably wouldn’t understand his explanation. “That must have been hard to admit.” Her grin was amused. “Well,” he said with mock severity, “if you don’t want to be friends, than I certainly won’t force you.” He crossed his arms over his torso and huffed, raising his nose in the air. “You are the strangest Jedi I’ve ever met,” she stated honestly. “Where’s all that Jedi stoicism?” “On some backwater planet, I imagine, contemplating the wonders of death.” He favored her with an ever so familiar smirk. “I learned a long time ago that if you take everything too seriously, you’d forget what it means to be alive.” “And here I thought this whole time that your humor was a poorly developed coping mechanism.” “Ah, maybe.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “You knew other Jedi?” he asked suddenly, remembering her pervious statement. The amusement in his eyes lessened as he considered exactly how she might know them. “Not in the way you’re thinking,” she clarified. “I was a brigadier under a Jedi during the war, at least until she died – Master Jedi Stass Allie. She was incredibly … noble, a wonderful leader.” “She was,” Daven agreed, pleased that Nyssa’s past hadn’t been full only of contract killing and bounties. “Where were you stationed after her?” “I wasn’t.” She shook her head and bit her lip, aware of the conclusion Daven would draw. “I left.” “You deserted the Republic army?” he asked with surprise, understanding perfectly. The army stopped granting discharge requests long before Allie’s death, even cadets with severe injuries were reassigned to less physical posts as opposed to being released altogether. “I’m not proud of what I did,” she sighed, allowing her gaze to travel across the main console. “But I’m not going to make excuses. I was young; the army was a way out of a difficult situation. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t see a reason to be there. All my friends had already been killed.” “So you went off and started hunting innocent people for money,” Daven finished for her, clearly condemning her actions, as she had expected. “Using the skills the Republic taught you.” “Hunting, yes,” she admitted. She never wanted his disapproval, but she couldn’t conceal the truth about her past. “Not innocent, though. I started with Hutt contracts, probably worse people than the Hutts themselves. And the Separatists, well, not much difference between bounty hunting and the army, but at least I got paid for it.” “And the rebels? And the Jedi?” “A rebellion’s a rebellion,” she reminded him, though her heart did not match her words. “Those were government contacts – completely lawful. Don’t forget, you’re the fugitive here.” “Ah, yes, without trial or even charges.” “That never was my concern,” she shrugged dismissively. “But, if it makes you feel any better, you’re the only Jedi I’ve tried my hand at.” “Nice to know,” he said flatly. Nyssa mindlessly switched over a few controls. A golden strand fell from her braid and briefly framed her jaw line. She brushed it back behind her ears, failing to see Daven’s attentive stare and nervous swallow. “So, beautiful,” he continued. “Why did you become a bounty hunter? I mean, there are much less, uh, deadly occupations.” “I knew people,” she answered, looking away from the controls and fixing her gaze on his face. “My mother was a dancer. She worked in a cantina on one of the lower levels of Coruscant, and so I met a lot of … interesting sentients.” She smiled shyly. It was the first time she had told anyone this story, but it felt right with Daven. He nodded acceptingly, silently urging her to continue. She glanced out the viewport, watching Maylass V loom closer. The dark moon filled the cockpit with a cold, blue light and seemed nearly devoid of all life. “She died when I was fifteen standard.” She sighed almost painfully, wishing that she could repress those memories. “My … her boyfriend took me in. He was a contract organizer, taught me the ropes, you know? When I became an adult, I joined the Republic. Then I caught up with a few friends who offered me some jobs.” She shrugged. Her face was calm, but her mind screamed in pain at the recollection of her teenage years. It wasn’t just the natural grief at her mother’s passing. It was the man that had so graciously “taken her under his wing” afterwards. He had been horribly cruel, beating her mother whenever he got the chance. The practice continued, of course, with Nyssa, and, to her disgrace, the vile beast had learned rather quickly just what exactly he could do to such a young woman in his sole care. “I’m sorry,” Daven said, offering comfort as if he could sense what she was feeling. He reached out and touched the top of her hand gently with the tip of his index finger, running it along all four knuckles. She watched, astounded, tearing her eyes away from his hand to stare up at his face. “My mother used to do that, when I was a little girl,” she breathed, feeling her heart pound at the familiar sensation. “How did you …?” She trailed off, leaving her question unfinished, but not without an answer. “The Force,” he stated calmly, vaguely. “It lets me see things about you that I never intended.” She pulled away, nervous. “Like reading minds?” “No, I don’t think so,” Daven told her. “Images, feelings more so. I can’t really control it.” She was about to speak when the navicomputer flashed, warning them that they were entering the moon’s atmosphere. She took manual control, forgetting about Daven’s touch for a moment, and guided the ship towards the general coordinates he had given her. The thin clouds broke, revealing a small, desolate group of duracrete structures. She matched the ship’s trajectory with what looked to be a docking hangar. She waited for a hail over the comm., but it remained silent. “Are they going to contact us?” she asked, keeping her focus on her gauges. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly as the ship began to shudder, adjusting naturally to the gravity. “Perhaps they have some special procedure.” A few moments of silence passed as the Gray Star rocked through turbulence. Daven sighed, and figured that it would be better to speak to her now than wait until they landed, as their path was already uncertain. “Nyssa, I want you to join the rebellion with me,” he stated boldly. He took his eyes off the viewport to watch her expression. Her forehead was wrinkled in concentration, but became smooth at his remark. She couldn’t afford to look at him, but he could tell that her eyes were full of confusion. “Why?” “I had … a vision in my meditations today,” he replied. “The Force links us. I believe that you should be in my future. Must be in my future.” She glided the ship into the bay with no contact from flight control. She powered down the engines as they both stared out the viewscreen, expecting something that simply wasn’t there. His last words were everything that she most wanted to hear after he had left her alone in that cantina on Corellia, but he was no longer focused on her. He had risen from his chair to get a better view of the hangar. “Something’s wrong,” he finally said, forgetting about his previous statement. “There’s no one here. No one alive, at least.” “Makes sense,” she agreed, thinking of the silent comm. Unit. “They must have moved. Maybe the Empire was getting too close.” “No,” he responded, “that’s not it. I have a bad feeling about this.” Nyssa nodded, swallowing harshly as Daven spoke. She watched as he turned and stalked out of the cockpit. She rushed up to follow him; her nerves were firing up, burning with adrenaline as if she were preparing for a night of chasing Daven. “Are you going out there?” she asked, breaking into a jog to catch up with him in the cargo hold before he lowered the ramp. He nodded, concern etched on his features. “Unarmed?” she narrowed her eyes somewhat playfully despite the seriousness of the situation. “Care to borrow something?” *** The blaster felt strange in his grip, but Daven had to agree that he was most likely safer with what little protection it could provide. He had rudimentary firearms training as a Padawan, yet the Masters had never expected that a Jedi would be forced to actually use such a crude weapon. Nyssa probably hadn’t realized that her offer of the blaster had added insult to injury, reminding Daven once more of his embarrassing loss of the lightsaber that he had built as a young initiate. He was grateful, however, that she was willing to trust him enough to loan it, whatever her reasons were. They moved down the ramp slowly, cautiously with Nyssa in the lead and Daven flanking her on the right. She had changed once more into her combat suit and was holding a blaster rifle defensively with both hands. Although Daven secretly missed the relaxed off-white trousers and top, he couldn’t help but admire the way Nyssa’s hips curved up to her waist in that suit. He shook his head forcibly, trying to clear his head of such strange thoughts. The hangar was devoid of sentient life, even if it still contained a small fleet of Headhunter fighters. Daven peeked in between the rows of ships, looking for any signs of movement. He was surprised to find nothing, not even a single astromech roaming next to the vehicles aboard which the little droids were customarily navigators. Nyssa glanced at Daven, giving him a quizzical look. He shrugged unknowingly and shook his head. She sighed, turning towards what looked to be the base’s control center, beckoning the Jedi to follow. “This place feels cold,” Daven noted, wishing that his sweaty palm would stop causing the plastiplex grip to slip haphazardly around his hand. He wondered slightly why the manufacturer of these weapons couldn’t use a plex more similar to the one he had on his lightsaber. He could swear that his own hilt generated less sweat, too, but he forced himself to stop his mental complaining. “Maybe their heating generators have gone out,” Nyssa guessed, eying the main door. “I don’t really feel it, though.” “No, it’s not the air,” he said, trying to ignore the little prickles that kept attacking the back of his neck. “It’s something else. I can’t explain it.” “Some help you are, then, Jedi,” she grunted sarcastically as she thumbed the door’s control panel. She held her blaster out in an attack position, preparing herself for any unexpected results. Although she could not see him, Daven crudely imitated her form, guessing it to be the equivalent of a ready stance. They waited as the door opened and the smoke from the carbon-seal dissipated. Nyssa stepped through first, weary – the thickness of the fumes told that this particular entrance hadn’t been used in a while – and motioned for Daven to stay at her left. She glanced over her shoulder briefly to verify that the nervous Jedi was indeed cooperating with her instructions. He was perturbed, his brow knitted together, and his eyes were darting around, seeing everything and nothing. When he saw the bounty hunter’s questioning stare, however, he nodded and focused. He knew, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, it was definitely better that Nyssa had naturally assumed the front position in their little raiding party. Although Daven knew how to fight and sneak, she was able to direct him in doing so with a blaster. He suppressed his desire to bite his bottom lip anxiously as Nyssa tuned back and took a few more steps into the dark hallway. Everything seems wrong. Nyssa let out a sharp, unexpected shriek and flew backwards, colliding with Daven’s chest in the process. He caught her before she managed to loose her balance and fall, his blaster dropping in her stead. She whirled around and faced him, wrapping her arms around his abdomen tightly and burying her face in his collarbone. He was surprised but inwardly pleased by Nyssa’s closeness, and her rapid breath against his neck sent shivers down his spine. Daven forced himself to look over her shoulder and peer into the obscure corridor, confirming with his eyes what his nostrils were already beginning to suspect. More than a dozen dead bodies lined the floor. “It’s okay,” he found himself repeating as he embraced her near-trembling form. He closed his own eyes harshly, wishing he could remove the sight from his mind and the nausea from his stomach. He took a few deep breaths of the foul air through his mouth to steady his bowels before gently releasing his hold on Nyssa. He slowly pulled her arms away from his torso, even as she resisted slightly. He touched her face ever so softly, running his knuckles across her cheek. She looked tense and … scared. Daven had never seen the famed bounty hunter so traumatized at the thought of death. “Go back to the ship, Nyssa,” he told her reassuringly. “I just need to see who they are.” “No, I’m fine,” she stated boldly. “It was just a little surprising, that’s all.” She took a pair of mini-glowrods out of her vest pocket and handed one to Daven. They simultaneously ignited them, causing the hall to brighten a red-orange hue. The corridor was roughly fifty meters by six, most likely serving as the gateway to the rest of the base. The walls had once been painted a calming and professional-looking shade of blue-gray, but dark spots of reddish-brown soiled many parts – the places where dying soldiers were thrown against and had slid to the floor, leaving a trail of blood in their wake. Daven and Nyssa moved quickly, running the rods close to and over the deceased, and inspecting the various faces, uniforms, and wounds. “Rebellion, all right,” Nyssa verified after studying a young soldier’s lapel. She had calmed somewhat and was being to sound much more like the detached bounty hunter Daven had grown to respect. “I can’t make out these injuries, though. They almost look like vibroblade cuts, but they’ve been cauterized.” “Lightsaber,” Daven concluded as he knelt down before another corpse. “Jedi?” “Vader,” he corrected as he began the next examination. “He’s the only one that could do this sort of damage. The only one who would want to, anyway.” His heart sank and old grief threatened to assail him once more when his glowrod illuminated a familiar robe. “These were Jedi,” he managed to say before he felt the tears building up in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Daven,” Nyssa said sympathetically. He nodded thankfully to her condolences, but couldn’t bring himself to look away from the man’s dark face. Had they studied together? Sparred? Attended to the same multi-team missions? “He even took his saber,” he whispered painfully. “That monster wouldn’t even let him keep his saber. He probably kept it as some sort of sick trophy.” Anakin would know how valued a lightsaber was to the Jedi that wielded it. A Jedi’s dying wish regarding his saber was always respected, whether he wanted it used in initiate training, given to an old friend, or burned on the pyre with him. One could do a member of the Order no greater dishonor than to take the weapon unwillingly. Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, had become nothing short of a Sith demon from the legends of old. Daven switched the glowrod to his left hand and covered his eyes with his right, allowing himself to openly sob. The time of the Jedi was at an end. How many more bodies would he have to see? How many more souls would he feel slipping away before there was no one left but him? A warm weight on his shoulder momentarily caused Daven to break out of his reverie. Nyssa had placed her hand there and was currently rubbing it in a customary gesture of comfort. He continued to cry, not caring that his behavior lacked his original sarcasm and cheeriness. He wasn’t particularly worried whether or not Nyssa found it to be pathetic, either. Nyssa lowered herself into a crouch behind him and, to his amazement, enveloped him in a hug, resting her head against the base of his neck. Despite the oddity of a bounty hunter embracing her former target, they both managed to take solace in such intimacy. “We should go back,” Nyssa said once Daven’s body had stopped shuddering from the sobs. “There’s nothing we can do here.” “I can’t leave them like this,” he muttered, his voice guff. “They are my brethren. I … need to give them a proper funeral. The other soldiers too; they all deserve that much.” “All right,” Nyssa whispered over his shoulder. “I’ll help you.” -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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obaona Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 10/8/04 9:13pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 8, 2004
	But I just took the pleasent opportunity to recite a poem about a dead parrot going to birdie heaven. Thanks , but I have to admit that I had numerous point of view problems with this scene and had to revise I had to cut a lot of Nyssa's thoughts, but, in the long run, it gave me a better understanding as to how and why she was reacting to what she was reacting to. I can't tell. It looks perfect to me. You're one of those people that make it look so easy, aren't you? But onto this post. Daven is so very human. (As opposed to a caricature, not an alien. ) To me he is what a Jedi really should be. He's emotional, but that doesn't mean he's out of control, either. (And despite that, he's not a Gary Stu. He's . . . himself. ) I loved the little complexities you seem to be adding onto him, as well, giving some depth into his joke-making habits. Nyssa continues to be interesting, and I liked the peek into her past - as well as the difference between what she said and what she was thinking. Though I thought it interesting how much Daven avoided her - rather rude, and I don't entirely understand why he was that way for so much of the trip. At least he used the time well - even getting hints on how important Nyssa is or will be to him (or should be ). Interesting (you know, I had someone complain that I made her use that word too much, and I now know how she felt), too, that Daven felt that something good was going to happen, or approach, or something - and then he finds his brethren dead. I really felt for him as he wept for them. It didn't seem . . . at all out of character, for him as a Jedi. Nor for Nyssa to agree to help him honor what is left of them with a proper funeral. And Vader taking their lightsabers . . . oh man. You just illustrate SO CLEARLY the emotions, the reality of the galaxy-changing aspect of this time period, everything. It's like I'm just left with a sigh. I just want to sit and think about things for a bit. Contemplative, I guess is the right word. Wonderful. I expected nothing less, though. Btw, can I ask what the Latin in your sig means? 'We are' something or other. -----signature----- MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty my recent Atton (KOTOR2) fic: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/30335989
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Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 10/12/04 9:11pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 8, 2004
	^^^ what she said. -----signature----- Belaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Get jiggly with it at Jello Anarchy.
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 10/16/04 11:29pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 8, 2004 - Date Edited: 10/16/04 11:39pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Pallas-Athena
	oba: It looks perfect to me. You're one of those people that make it look so easy, aren't you? lol, you're too kind I'm sure Am would disagree, after all, she's the one that has to make all the little comments on my drafts. Ah, well, fun stuff all the same. Daven is so very human. (As opposed to a caricature, not an alien. ) To me he is what a Jedi really should be. He's emotional, but that doesn't mean he's out of control, either. Yay! That's what I was going for I honestly don't think a Jedi can survive reality without feeling and showing emotion. Obi-Wan's grief at Qui-Gon's death, Yoda's amusement when he meets Luke. It's all about controlling those emotions. Anakin never learned to do that properly for whatever reason. (And despite that, he's not a Gary Stu. He's . . . himself. ) That's good Though I think he's probably the exact examplar of hotness. Does that count for Gary Stu-ness? I loved the little complexities you seem to be adding onto him, as well, giving some depth into his joke-making habits. Daven writes himself, even if I have an underdeveloped sense of humor Nyssa continues to be interesting, and I liked the peek into her past - as well as the difference between what she said and what she was thinking. I debated with myself about how much of Nyssa I wanted to reveal. This was supposed to be a short story and Nyssa was the "mysterious bounty hunter" type with no past. But the fact that she falls in love with the purest member of her society, a Jedi, made me begin to wonder just how a character like her comes to be. And I thought I'd share my idea of her past in the story because I think it's interesting and, well, this story is so long already that a few more paragraphs can't hurt Though I thought it interesting how much Daven avoided her - rather rude, and I don't entirely understand why he was that way for so much of the trip. I think Daven is kind of, although not overwelmingly, a bit of a jerk. He still sees Nyssa as a potential enemy, despite every thing she's done for him. I guess the years on the run have taught him not to trust anybody. Plus his feelings of attraction to her confuse him, and he would want to avoid dealing with them. I think it would be fun to write the scenes in between this part and the last, but I don't want to bore anyone further At least he used the time well - even getting hints on how important Nyssa is or will be to him (or should be ). Yep. Poor boy has to get wacked in the head with a Force vision to get a clue Interesting (you know, I had someone complain that I made her use that word too much, and I now know how she felt), too, that Daven felt that something good was going to happen, or approach, or something - and then he finds his brethren dead. Interesting indeed I guess it would be ironic in a very devestating sense. I really felt for him as he wept for them. It didn't seem . . . at all out of character, for him as a Jedi. The crying was a hard decision to make for me. He is a Jedi, after all, and as the stoic hero he should be "a man" about it and not cry. But at the same time he's lost everyone he's ever cared about - his master, Jedi friends - and is alone, on a strange world with a woman he's not too sure about. And then he sees another keen reminder of how horrible his life has gotten, how many follow Jedi that have lost their lives. Nor for Nyssa to agree to help him honor what is left of them with a proper funeral. Yeah, Nyssa is a bounty hunter, but she isn't hreatless like, say, Boba Fett. She is still capable of an emotion as powerful as love, so she still understands, I think, the value of life. And Vader taking their lightsabers . . . oh man. You just illustrate SO CLEARLY the emotions, the reality of the galaxy-changing aspect of this time period, everything. Yeah, what a horrible time that must be, a galaxy-wide slaughter by one very nasty ex-Jedi. I'm sure Lucas won't show us this aspect of the story because it's so horrific. But also dramatic and captiviting. The other purge challenge writers focused - some of them unbelievably well - on this very aspect, but I, with my wicked imagination, wondered if life - and love - could continue for a Jedi during this time period. It's like I'm just left with a sigh. I just want to sit and think about things for a bit. Contemplative, I guess is the right word. Yeah, I know what you mean. Wonderful. I expected nothing less, though. Thank you so much, oba I hope you know how much your replies mean to me Btw, can I ask what the Latin in your sig means? 'We are' something or other. You see? You already know sum, esse. Not so bad, yes? "We are dust and shadow." A source, I believe, for the line in Gladiator: "We are shadows and dust." Bel: Thanks, sweetie It still means a lot -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 10/19/04 3:57pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 8, 2004
	Thanks for the beta, Amsie *** Nyssa stood and patiently waited while the Gray Star’s sonic shower finished its sweep of her body. She wished inanely that she had opted to install a hydro shower instead when she had ordered the yacht custom built. But she had always been a practical woman – sonic machines were cheaper and usually more effective at cleaning an organic. ‘Usually’ was, sadly, the key word here. Even though she had been in the shower for upwards of half a standard hour, she could still smell the stench. It managed to get everywhere, it seemed – on her skin, in her hair, and it had found a way to seep into her combat suit as well. She had thrown the outfit away; it was hardly worth the effort it would take to properly wash. She would simply be satisfied to get the smell off herself. The base had held, to their dismay, many more piles of corpses, scattered throughout as if attempting to make various stands against Vader’s massacre. Some of the rebels had been shot to death as well, making it appear that Vader had been in command of a small squadron of clones. The center of the compound, however, had held the greatest atrocity of all – a small room had been set up to resemble the crèche at the Jedi Temple. Initiates, as Daven had called the young children, were scattered throughout unceremoniously – some on the floor while the babies and toddlers were still in their cribs – each with a precise lightsaber cut to the chest. And so, for the first time in what seemed like eons, Nyssa allowed herself tears. They had dragged all the bodies out into the open plains that surround the rebels’ compound, and Nyssa had yet again wished for a replusor lift. They gathered enough flammable materials, including goods from the base, to build a funeral pyre and Nyssa had begun to pile corpses together indiscriminately when Daven stopped her hand. “No,” he stated, “the Jedi will go on their own mound.” She had only nodded and allowed him that much, telling him to concern himself with the Knights while she took care of the soldiers. The two pyres then burned, side by side. Nyssa wondered if Daven prayed or mediated or held some other mysterious and silent Jedi rite as he watched the bodies of his kin return to dust, but his solemn face revealed nothing. She shook her head, willing the sonic waves to blow away the memories along with the grit. She could only wonder how Daven had managed to come out of the shower smelling like he always did – musky with a slight hint of simple salt. Perhaps she no longer stunk as bad as she thought, and the odor was all in her head. She shut off the shower and dressed in her cream tunics, rolling her hair up in a plain bun. Daven was sitting in the ship’s common room, right where she left him, staring mindlessly at the galactic pin map. He looked up at Nyssa as she approached and favored her with a sad smile. She returned the expression and sat down across from him – close but not uncomfortably so. “Thank you for helping me, Nyssa,” Daven started, his tone reflective. “It means a lot. I don’t think I could have done it by myself, especially all the ones we found after the hall. I never really thought of you as the compassionate type.” It was probably meant to be a compliment, but Nyssa’s eyes narrowed all the same. “I’m a bounty hunter, not a homicidal maniac,” she reminded him, a slight edge hanging in her voice. “I don’t do massacres, Jedi. I like individual catches the best, not groups, and I’d much rather deliver live bounties, not leaving piles of corpses. And children, never children, dead or alive, I don’t care what price is offered.” Daven nodded, and it was clear that relief filled his features. After a few minutes of mindless silence, however, he looked up and raised an eyebrow. “You looked like you were about ready to take off my head more than once, though,” he prompted thoughtfully, “and I hear that’s how the Emperor likes it.” “Would you have honestly let me take you alive, Daven?” she asked rhetorically. “I would have taken your head, but I would have disposed of your body respectably. You were a worthy opponent, Jedi; I would have considered an honorable pyre nothing short of deserved.” “Thank you, then,” he said kindly. “That’s more than I could have hoped for.” “You’re welcome,” she returned with sincerity. “You are very admirable for a bounty hunter all the same,” he admitted. “You weren’t the first to try to collect on my head, you know. I’ve had a few run-ins with others, but they were more trouble than they were worth. I don’t think they would have treated my body as well as that, either.” She stared as him, her eyes wide in surprise. So Daven’s contract had other bidders before she came along, and evidently, he had gotten rid of them easily. “Apparently I’m not the only one capable of taking a life,” Nyssa noted, her eyes flashing at the thought. “And here I was led to believe that you were all innocence.” “No one can be completely innocent and survive in this galaxy,” he answered with a sigh. Despite his dejected tone, Nyssa felt the all too familiar rush of roguishness at the statement. With a new haircut and a decent blaster, Daven would make a damn fine smuggler. “Answer me this, though, Nyssa: why were you so surprised in the hall? I know you’ve seen that sort of thing before.” His gaze was sympathetic but curious, causing her usual “none-of-your-business-Jedi” response to remain unspoken. She simply shrugged and figured that he would learn about it eventually. “I found my mother like that,” she began, knowing that the coldness in her voice would cause Daven some confusion. “Somebody killed her over a half a kilo of spice and left her in our apartment. So it just isn’t something I like to walk in on.” Daven’s eyes widened in shock and his features turned completely compassionate. He reached out across the table and touched the top of Nyssa’s hand with his own. It seemed, Nyssa had to admit, that she and the Jedi were spending an abhorrent amount of time comforting each other. “I’m sorry, Nyssa.” She waved her free hand loosely, suggesting that the event was almost mundane. “It was a long time ago,” she told him blankly. “She didn’t even do anything; I suppose that that’s the worst part about it. The spice actually belonged to that boyfriend of hers. I found that out after I left the army.” “Oh?” Daven urged her to continue, now interested in the story despite the revulsion of it all. “Yeah,” she said nonchalantly. “My first hunt was actually the gundarks that did it to her. It was most … satisfying. I managed to learn about the boyfriend before their unfortunate deaths.” “And I’m sure you were very creative about it, too,” Daven noted lightly without a hint of reproof. “Be thankful for that creativity, Jedi,” she smiled, pleased with his casual humor. “I might have not been able to save you from Vader without it.” “Yes, that was a fantastically original plan, bounty hunter,” he smirked. “Shoot the bad guy; rescue the hero.” “Oh, you’re the hero now?” Nyssa joked, despite the severity of the day. “Of course, beautiful. What else could I be?” “Ah,” she began, running a mental list of all the characters in classic holo adventures, “the comic sidekick.” “I’m much too attractive,” Daven grinned, his usual shyness hidden if only for a moment. “Not really,” she found herself saying, even though she always thought the exact opposite. “Well, anyway,” Daven said, blushing and apparently thinking of a new topic, “as much as I’d like to leave this rock, I noticed that the Star’s supplies are low. I saw some crates in that other hangar. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind …” She nodded. “I know. I was going to see if I could barter with them once I got here – maybe deliver personnel or equipment in exchange for fuel and supplies.” “That sounds awful close to actually joining the rebellion, Nyssa,” Daven noted playfully. “Perish the thought, Jedi,” she countered. “You never did give my proposal an answer, you know,” he reminded her, his voice betraying hope as well as seriousness. “Well, you never answered mine, either,” she said, attempting to not allow her heart to start pounding. “We’re at an impasse, then.” “I’ll go wherever you go,” she finally admitted, feeling slightly defeated. She slumped down into a chair and let out a loud sigh that was almost a groan. She loved him and denying her feelings would only make her life more difficult. She had seen him at his best and his worst, fighting against her with all his might where others would have faltered and allowing himself to grieve openly in her presence when no other man would have dared. That took courage, real courage, the sort which Nyssa had seen so little of in her life. Through all his trials he remained not only spirited but also humorous, making a joke out of the most life-threatening situations. And I love him for that. “What?” Daven asked sharply, his face yielding nothing but pure shock. “I said I’d go with you,” she repeated as her stomach started doing those little flips once more. “If you want to find the rebellion, we’ll find the rebellion.” “No, that wasn’t it,” he shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts. “After that.” His breathing was quickly increasing, and he lowered his eyes to the floor. “I didn’t say anything after that.” “Yes, you did.” “Isn’t good enough that I said I’d go with you?” she finally broke and felt the frustration burning her cheeks. Her mind was flustered and it was becoming difficult to think. “Do I have to admit that I’m in love with you, too?” “Oh,” Daven’s eyes widened to the point of bulging and his face turned a hot shade of red. “That must have been it.” He avoided looking at her. “Gods,” was all she managed to say before burying her head in her hands and leaning down, elbows on her knees. Several uncomfortable minutes of silence passed before Daven spoke. “Was that what you were trying to hide from me?” he asked, making a conclusion more than a question. “You didn’t want me to know that you … you loved me.” His words were a struggle as if the very thought was alien. “Yeah.” She didn’t bother to look up, so her voice was muffled in her palms. “Jedi do not know love,” Daven spat, not cruelly but confusedly, as if repeating some old dictum. “Yeah, well, the rest of the galaxy does,” she said bitterly. She would just leave, go to the crew quarters, and sleep. Then, she would drop his-Jedi-high-and-mighty-ness on some backwater planet and be done with him. “Please don’t go,” he spoke shyly as Nyssa stood. “I’m tired,” she growled, wishing that were more than partially true. She turned and stalked off, proud that she was able to keep her voice stable. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the galaxy,” he admitted shakily, rising to catch up with her. “At least to me.” The comment caused her to stop and spin around to face him once more. He was standing and looking at her directly, shaking slightly if his loose grip on the chair back was an indication. “Um, that’s why I call you that,” he said lightly, as if the breath was being sapped from his lungs. “Because you are.” She was rendered speechless by his confession, but Daven became more articulate as he continued. “Jedi aren’t supposed to feel attraction for others. It’s against the Code,” he paused to swallow. “But what I feel for you, I can’t explain it. Every time I saw you, I was mystified by your presence, by your strength of will. It was so … captivating. Just being around you is amazing. I don’t know if that’s love; I’ve never known love.” “It could be,” she started slowly, nervous and wondering where this conversation would lead. She walked back, stopping less than a half-meter before him, and gently touched his bottom lip with her index finger. He responded by pressing his lips closer to her fingertip in a slight kiss. The usually calm, cheerful blue waves of his irises held a hint of something Nyssa had never quite seen before – desire. There was a small amount of fear in them as well – although it wasn’t the kind she would imagine the Jedi were taught to guard against. His shivering made him look more vulnerable, younger even, but his inexperience didn’t really concern Nyssa. She had been with enough men – too many men – and she never felt close to half the devotion for any of them as she did for the Knight standing before her. She placed her right hand against his cheek and pulled him closer so that his lips could meet hers. It was barely a light brushing – much like the kiss she had given him in the med bay – but it caused every single one of her nerves to tingle. She ran her left hand through his hair, allowing the soft strands to envelop her fingers. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she could feel him shaking as the last space between their two bodies was removed. His warmth was inviting, and Nyssa found herself molding to him. One of his hands crawled under the back of her overtop, causing her to moan softly at the sensation. “I’m sorry,” Daven mumbled, worry filling those handsome features. “I’m not doing this right.” He moved to pull away, but Nyssa kept her hold tight. “You’re doing fine,” Nyssa soothed. “It’s wonderful.” She removed her hand from the back of his neck and reached for his hand, guiding it to the edge of her breast. The look on his face would have triggered a laugh on Nyssa’s part had she not been so deeply aroused. She placed another kiss on Daven’s slightly open mouth, using his stunned expression to her advantage. She traced his bottom lip with her tongue to give him fair warning before completely entering his mouth. She felt his spine stiffen in surprise as she deepened the kiss, locking her lips to his and softly touching his tongue with her own. He was motionless at first, most likely perplexed by her actions, but he soon understood and began to follow her lead. They steadied into a rhythm as Daven became comfortable, and Nyssa could feel her body yearning to take it to the next level. Daven broke away first, grasping for breath as he did so. Nyssa smiled at him, noticing how flushed his face had become within the last few minutes. “Wow,” was all the Jedi managed to relay once he moderately gained control of his perceptions. He ran his thumb along the curvature of her breast, causing her to whimper against the sensation. “You like that?” he asked, genuinely questioning. “Gods yes,” she answered, not hesitating for an instant. “I love you.” It was a declaration given freely, happily, and, as far as Nyssa could remember, it was the first of its kind. He grinned brightly; the spark in his eyes was pure Daven. He prepared to meet her lips again, but she backed her head away, a few centimeters out of his reach. He looked up, confusion evident on his face. “Tell me the same,” she begged more than demanded, surprising even herself with the request. She had never before expected to care about a man she bedded, let alone have such feelings be returned. But everything was different when it came to Daven. She cupped his face with her hands and waited patiently. “I love you,” he admitted sooner than she would have guessed. His eyes glistened in his honesty, showing that he spoke only the truth, with no malice or fear present. She didn’t know if he could see the elated joy crossing over her face, but she hoped he could sense it through the Force. It would be his gift to her returned in kind – love for love. She smiled once more before spreading tiny pecks across his jaw line and causing his heart to pound loud enough for her to feel it against her own chest. He buried his cheek in her hair, whispering something that she couldn’t quite understand, even as she didn’t feel the need to. She paused briefly to push a few renegade red strands out of her way before nibbling at his ear. He groaned deeply and tightened his hold on her – one arm around her waist, the other on the middle of her back where it still caressed her bare flesh. “Crew quarters,” she whispered then, knowing that she could no longer completely contain her need. She wanted to give Daven more time – time to understand these new feelings and experience each sensation in full before continuing – but his throaty growl had caused the last of her control to cascade away. “I … I don’t know how,” Daven confessed, reminding her that he was still unseasoned. His voice was hardly above a whisper, but she could hear his desire thinly veiled underneath his unsure words. His hand still glided along her back, and she felt her mind go numb. “I’ll show you,” she reassured, hoping that Daven was ready for what she was imagining. She would be as gentle as possible, giving him everything she could. She kissed his cheek lightly before pushing herself out of his grip. Daven stared at her, swallowing nervously. He hesitated only for a moment before nodding his consent. Nyssa smiled warmly and grabbed his hand, planting a loving kiss on his palm. He took a deep breath and exhaled, as if discharging his apprehension. She gripped his one hand in both of her own and led him willingly to the back of the ship. -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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Amidala_Skywalker Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '01	Date Posted: 10/19/04 5:52pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 19, 2004
	I love you, Queen Privet. marries Daven and creates the ultimate Mary Sue also protects Jayen from creepiness Is this reply good? Seriously, though, they are great scenes. You do underestimate your writing ability. There's not much more I can say except to reiterate how much I was looking forward to the kissy scene when I was reading it with you on Yahoo . Also, try not to make writing look too easy for us mere mortals . Ams -----signature----- Amsié, Crest of Handmaidens . ___ TF.N Archive Reviewer ___ Battlestar Galactica is the new way.
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obaona Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 10/19/04 6:35pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 19, 2004
	I think Daven is kind of, although not overwelmingly, a bit of a jerk. LOL! but I, with my wicked imagination, wondered if life - and love - could continue for a Jedi during this time period. desperately begins to hope for happy ending You see? You already know sum, esse. Not so bad, yes? "We are dust and shadow." A source, I believe, for the line in Gladiator: "We are shadows and dust." Hehe. I also recognized 'et'. That's a good sig. But onto the post. Initiates, as Daven had called the young children, were scattered throughout unceremoniously – some on the floor while the babies and toddlers were still in their cribs – each with a precise lightsaber cut to the chest. I was just . . . like but in pain when I read that. How sad. You didn't linger over the horrific nature of it, which I'm thankful for - guess you knew it's quite enough just by itself, that statement, eh? sigh I loved this post. I'm liking this more and more with each post, I hope you realize. Each post builds in the previous but makes it more, somehow. I liked the funeral part, with even Nyssa crying, and Daven wanting a separate pyre for the Jedi. I can understand that. (Another very particular, specific character thing that I just love.) So it's literally the head Palpy wants? I was like at that part. I hadn't thought of that, I guess I would have imagined he'd want the whole body. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the EU, but in one of the stories it had a Jedi musuem - which Palpatine repeatedly desecrated over the years. That just reminds me of that - just this total, disgusting and horrifying evil. People say 'Oh, the Sith are so cool' and then there's something like this, and I think - not really. They are evil, and just because they're fictional I think we tend to just wave that fact off sometimes, which is a little weird when you think about it. I liked how you had the bit about Daven killing leading into the confession scene. IMHO, that added depth to both of these characters, and reminded us, the readers, just what kind of lives these people are leading - what kind of life they have to lead. Yes, Daven has killed, even if he's funny and sweet and in love and not really sure about that last one. And then Nyssa - yes, she is a bounty hunter, and yes, she's in love with a Jedi who might have had to kill her. In my opinion, that just shows the very unlikeliness of the situation while reinforcing the feeling of, "But it can happen. It is happening." There's no doubt in my mind that this is real, in the context of the story while I'm reading it. I hope you know what I mean, I'm babbling a bit. Oh, and as always, great dialogue. You really use dialogue to further our perception of these characters, to get them to know them better. The way they use words is very individualistic, as is their responses to each other and where they take the conversation. So, wait a sec - Nyssa thought it and Daven heard it? Or did she say it unintentionally? Because it's in italics! I'm so confused! But I loved it. I love that whole last section. The awkward confession is just perfect. (And not awkward in the way of Ep II, either - I love that movie, but it was awkward at parts ). The denial, the 'oh crap!' kind of reaction, the tentativeness . . . Daven reverting to 'Jedi do not know love'. As I think would be natural for any Jedi in that situation, indoctrinated from birth practically to think that way. And then the last part . . . so sweet. Not just because Daven is inexperienced, but because it's like the two of them are breaking through their reservations and shackles of their pasts to go and do this. And what better time? What other time will there be? It's not like this could be a fling for either of them; the situation and who they are naturally precludes that. So to me, it's perfect. And believable. And perfect. Interesting take, too, that Daven is inexperienced (sorry, I just have to comment on this). I know George said they're not celibate, but to me by and large, no attachment means no sex. Not always, but I believe most of the time one without the other doesn't make sense, and the Jedi wouldn't do it. As someone said to me once, it'd be the Jedi just using the person, and how is that good of them, really? I'm curious, why did you make the decision to write this scene this way? The other post may have left with me a sigh, but this left me with a happy sigh and a content feeling. Very, very well done. Us mere mortals are [face_bleh] in comparison. Goodness, this was a lot longer than I realized while writing it. -----signature----- MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty my recent Atton (KOTOR2) fic: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/30335989
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Ana_Labris Registered: Oct '00	Date Posted: 10/20/04 12:18pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 19, 2004
	jaw hits floor Wow.. Love it love it love it! Great work, great characters and great characterisations! I am most impressed -----signature----- K.E.P.P. Agent #19! I am the one and only Angry Scientist. Darth Vader is my hero.
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Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 10/26/04 9:12pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 19, 2004
	I need to reply more quickly next time, before obaona writes reviews that put the rest of us to shame. What can I say - I read, I loved it. The first part was sad, heart-rending (I liked how he gave the Jedi their own separate pyre) and then the end was so sweet. You've written this story, these characters, so believably. Despite his dejected tone, Nyssa felt the all too familiar rush of roguishness at the statement. With a new haircut and a decent blaster, Daven would make a damn fine smuggler. I love roguish good guy Jedi types. Out of curiosity - did you ever consider having a male bounty hunter and a female Jedi? More soon, please. And a happy ending for these two would be nice, too. [face_hopeful] -----signature----- Belaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Get jiggly with it at Jello Anarchy.
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 11/3/04 9:55pm Subject: RE: Eluding What Will Come - Jedi purge novella - Updated Oct. 19, 2004
	Amsie: I love you, Queen Privet. I love you too, Empress. marries Daven and creates the ultimate Mary Sue Ducks away from the cliché. That would be one scary individual Is this reply good? It’s super-happy-fantastic! waves flags, starts parade, launches fireworks You do underestimate your writing ability. Overestimate your competition, underestimate yourself. Best way to play the game But I think you’ll agree that I’m no writer. I just like a good story There's not much more I can say except to reiterate how much I was looking forward to the kissy scene when I was reading it with you on Yahoo That was a fun time. I’m still really glad that you made me add slower kissy scene moments. It really came out well. Not rushed, not dallying. Just Also, try not to make writing look too easy for us mere mortals snorts You think that was easy?!? Love ya, dear beta oba: desperately begins to hope for happy ending There’s always hope, my friend Hehe. I also recognized 'et'. That's a good sig. See? Two words out of four. Not bad I wouldn’t really say that it necessarily represents my philosophy of life. It’s Epicurean, and I think it sounds cool I was just . . . like but in pain when I read that. How sad. You didn't linger over the horrific nature of it, which I'm thankful for - guess you knew it's quite enough just by itself, that statement, eh? I didn’t indeed think it needed to be dwelt on. Something as horrific as the murder of children would just be too much … even for me to write. I’m not a sadistic person by nature. And, while I like causing an emotional reaction in my readers , I don’t need them to puke and cry at the same time. Plus it’s from Nyssa’s own POV, and I don’t think she even wants to remember what she saw I'm liking this more and more with each post, I hope you realize. Good to hear I hope you like the end I liked the funeral part, with even Nyssa crying, and Daven wanting a separate pyre for the Jedi. I can understand that. (Another very particular, specific character thing that I just love.) It seems to me that Daven has a soft streak for the idea of family, and so he places that affection on his fellow knights in the order. Nyssa strikes me as the sort of person that doesn’t cry very often. She cries in this fic because things are just that bad. I only wish I had more scenes of Nyssa before she fell in love, being Miss Bad Ass Bounty Hunter Lady. But, alas, this is supposed to be a short story. So it's literally the head Palpy wants? I was like at that part. I hadn't thought of that, I guess I would have imagined he'd want the whole body. A product of me reading way too much Latin as of late. It seems wholly efficient to me. The head is the most easily identifiable part of the body and oh so much lighter than the whole body. I can’t really say what he would do with them afterwards but, hey, it’s good proof. In the video game KOTOR you have the option to ask somebody if they would like a bounty’s head delivered. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the EU, but in one of the stories it had a Jedi musuem - which Palpatine repeatedly desecrated over the years. I’ve stopped reading .. but, man, that’s messed up. Stupid Palpatine People say 'Oh, the Sith are so cool' and then there's something like this, and I think - not really. They are evil, and just because they're fictional I think we tend to just wave that fact off sometimes, which is a little weird when you think about it. Yeah. Evil is never cool. Palpatine, if he were real would make Hitler look like a saint. While I certainly love writing and reading about things that happened during the purges, I wouldn’t want to live through them. Scary, scary stuff. I think my portrayal of Vader is very close to how cruel and inhuman a person would have to be in order to live the life of a Sith for that long. Vader changed his mind at the end, but it took his son’s near death to do it. Actually, kinda selfish, really Yes, Daven has killed, even if he's funny and sweet and in love and not really sure about that last one. And then Nyssa - yes, she is a bounty hunter, and yes, she's in love with a Jedi who might have had to kill her. It would have been unrealistic to have Daven survive for three years, dodging the Empire and the price on his head, without having to go to extreme measures. That said, I don’t think killing would change his personality – he’s comfortable with who he is despite what he’s been through. I imagine that one would have to have a strong personality to even deal with what he’s had to deal with. And Nyssa … human beings have this nasty habit of falling in love I think it annoys her, but she’s forced herself to deal. In my opinion, that just shows the very unlikeliness of the situation while reinforcing the feeling of, "But it can happen. It is happening." There's no doubt in my mind that this is real, in the context of the story while I'm reading it. It’s such a strange situation to begin with. How often would a Jedi and a bounty hunter interact with each during the republic? Hmm, I don’t know And falling in love … they are from such different backgrounds with different values on life… um, opposites attract? I hope you know what I mean, I'm babbling a bit. Apparently I do, because so am I You really use dialogue to further our perception of these characters, to get them to know them better. The way they use words is very individualistic, as is their responses to each other and where they take the conversation. Good to know Dialogue is one of the things I feel slightly more confident in doing. Daven would have a basic Jedi (ie UK) accent, but his words are often lighter than, say, Qui-Gon, because of his youth and sense of humor. Nyssa’s dialogue is an odd combination of slang – because of her childhood and career as a bounty hunter – and formal – because of her time in the republic military. Amsie flagged several different quotes throughout, saying, “would she says this,” etc, so many sentences had to be individually examined to see their effect. I love dialogue So, wait a sec - Nyssa thought it and Daven heard it? Or did she say it unintentionally? Because it's in italics! I'm so confused! She thought it, he accidentally picked up on her thoughts. Sorry it wasn’t clear The awkward confession is just perfect. (And not awkward in the way of Ep II, either - I love that movie, but it was awkward at parts). Yes, that movie’s romantic scenes were awkward indeed … made me turn away in – I dunno – embarrassment for those characters. There should be chemistry even if they’re not quite sure what to do about it As I think would be natural for any Jedi in that situation, indoctrinated from birth practically to think that way. I can imagine the endless loop in Daven’s mind: “She loves me, love is bad, Jedi not supposed to love … I love her. No, love is bad, Jedi not supposed to love …” Probably all the poor guy can think And then the last part . . . so sweet. Not just because Daven is inexperienced, but because it's like the two of them are breaking through their reservations and shackles of their pasts to go and do this. Ah, yes plays with flower Interesting take, too, that Daven is inexperienced (sorry, I just have to comment on this). I know George said they're not celibate, but to me by and large, no attachment means no sex. Not always, but I believe most of the time one without the other doesn't make sense, and the Jedi wouldn't do it. As someone said to me once, it'd be the Jedi just using the person, and how is that good of them, really? I'm curious, why did you make the decision to write this scene this way? ^ That paragraph, my dear, spawned quite a debate between me and some of the other HMs in a chat one night. I always thought that the Jedi were celibate, agreeing with you in thinking you can’t really have one without the other, and so I wrote this scene in that vain. But via persuasive arguments, I have conceded. Perhaps it is acceptable for Jedi to have sex if need be – thus helping to remove potential pervasion like that among Catholic priests. Some Jedi, like Daven, would have less need to indulge in natural urges, and so happily remain virgins. Very, very well done. Us mere mortals are [face_bleh] in comparison. Your flattery is too addictive Goodness, this was a lot longer than I realized while writing it. looks at response Ah, well, I’m not one to chide Ana_Labris: Thanks! is most happy Bel: I need to reply more quickly next time, before obaona writes reviews that put the rest of us to shame. Oba is teh master She should work for a book review newsletter But I like your reviews! I love roguish good guy Jedi types. Oh, and he would be such the roguish good guy Jedi! day dreams Out of curiosity - did you ever consider having a male bounty hunter and a female Jedi? Yes I did. It was alluring because female Jedi are rare in the films and it would have made for an interesting character. But, it didn’t have nearly as many qualities as Female hunter/male Jedi. First, female Jedi are pretty common in fanfic, so that wouldn’t win me any creativity points. Second, canon male bounty hunters are pretty cruel people. Using someone like, say, Boba Fett, as a model wouldn’t have given me a very sympathic character. I suppose it’s possible for such a man to fall in love, but it seems less likely than a woman. I would have, admittedly, had trouble developing his character Finally, and most importantly, this story relies on the bounty hunter saving the Jedi. For a man to do that for a woman is sort of blah and not fun … especially if the woman is a Jedi – how un feminist is that? Plus the girl saving the boy is a nifty little role reversal that I think makes the story more interesting. More soon, please. That will be soon, indeed. Amsie has already betaed the next part Thanks for the reviews, guys! -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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