Jedi Council Forums - Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)

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Author	Topic: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
Bri_Windstar Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 2/14/05 3:26pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	PEEP!!! Everyone loves a good dare. Oba, i LOVE this fic, you know that. The revisions, though, esp to the ending, wow! You're just THERE with them- a passerby on the street as they argue, a patron in the bar as he confronts the Rodian, a fellow Jedi as he's told what he must do to stay with the Order, a thousand other little instances that allow you only a glimpse of what's really going on with these two. And i dont even really know who Siri is beyong being a character in the JA series huggies -----signature----- Mediocrity- it takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference before it's too late. * OMG! SO RIDICULOUSLY AND AGGRAVATINGLY PERFECT!- Gabri * 11010110101000101011
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CarrKicksDoor Registered: Jan '05	Date Posted: 2/16/05 1:56pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	Oh, oba, that's lovely. I really like the parts in italics. Great job! ~Carr -----signature----- Carrolé, Handmaiden of the Crest Not even your deepest secrets escape the NRI: So Much For Our Happy Endings: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=23843466&brd=10477
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Jaina_Solo_15 Registered: Dec '02	Date Posted: 2/16/05 3:25pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	Ouch. This is so sad. They way that they're both so jealous of one another and sad, but they can't do anything about it. Very cool fic. -----signature----- Proud Dark Lady of the DLC
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Chaotic_Serenity Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 2/16/05 6:02pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette) - Date Edited: 2/16/05 6:03pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Chaotic_Serenity
	I've more or less staved off the prequel EU books, but fanfic like this makes me want to actually check it out sometimes. Very nicely written. It flows sweet and bitter. A promise unbroken that is ultimately shattered through no action at all. It's interesting to think about how many Jedi are written to have these connections, and how damaging it was to so many who couldn't look past it. I like the "stream of conscious" feel of this story, two plays being acted out, one in the minds and thoughts of the characters and another through the narrative prose. It does well to keep the reader on their toes - unsure of what to assume as real, which character was truly being honest. (Though I have to admit I wasn't fooled by the flashbacks. It took a moment to orient the characters, but after a few passages, it should become fairly clear to anyone reading that no meaningless encounter with a prostitute would have such emotional impact. ) And this... “I know,” he said quietly. “The relationship will end,” he said, just blunt. As if he could wield his pain like a sword, striking his feelings down, and it’d be done. Done. ...is a very nice piece of imagery. I could argue that you could use more of it, but I like your sparse, precise use of metaphor in your works. As a whole, very nicely written. I really enjoyed it. I didn't notice anything nitpicky, but I'll scan over it again later. Thanks for sharing. -Chao-chan (P.S. - Remind me to PM you about Ethereal.) -----signature----- Part of the Darth Vader Fanclub. Because good is dumb. The ability to bash a movie does not make one intelligent. Sith for '08: Why vote for a less oppressive regime?
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obaona Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 2/18/05 7:48pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	dianethx: Thank you. I spent weeks trying to figure out how to do this story, and finally, that seemed the best way to express everything in just a viggie. RedGold: Thank you. Jedikma: Hehe, Atty did a great job beta’ing. Yeah, I think sometimes when you’re hurting, you want to lash out at what’s hurting you – but in their case, it’s the situation, a lot of different circumstances. So they end up lashing out at each other. Thank you. Gina: You were meant to, at least for the first few italicized paragraphs. Thank you! VaderLVR64: I try. Thank you. Master_Noi: Thank you. Tension is a good word – things are tense between them. LianaMara: It is! I was so, so nervous about posting. Thank you. Yeah, I think it has more meaning that he slept with Siri. shrugs I did ponder having him really have slept with the prostitute, but it just didn’t work. I can’t see it happening, not so casually like that. And not hurting Siri. Anywho. Thank you, and I can’t wait to see yours. Lady-Kenobi: Thanks! Gabri_Jade: Why, you unfaithful little ... No, I can understand that. I wondered a bit myself if I could pull it off, up to the point where I was posting. Interesting that you comment on the pacing – I actually had to write this within an hour, because my mom wanted to go somewhere, but I wanted to write. So I kept glancing at the clock, trying to keep my progress steady. Thank you. LaYa_: Thank you. I’ve seen the previews for that movie, but I didn’t watch it. So that’s neat, I guess. LadyPadme: Thank you. As far as writing the emotions go – I try to show it by, well, showing it. Showing how it influences what they say, what they don’t say, and how they act towards each other. I think that makes it more real. (Nice colors, by the way - soothing. ) Pallas-Athena: Ah, my wonderful beta! Thank you. You were very thorough and spent some time on it, so I’m glad you thought it was worth it. That’s cool, that you love that part. Having to work in ‘peep’ is why they went in there, of course, but I thought it’d also be neat to show Obi/Siri in acton, even while they’re fighting. And also kind of how the role is easier for Obi-Wan to play, because he feels so burned out. That was the idea, anyway. giggles You’re so silly. SarkaVrae: Thank you! Gut-wrenching is good ... when you’re going for that effect, anyway. StarFighter5: Hence the term ‘darkfic’. Yeah, I see any Jedi relationship as ultimately being tragic. Thank you! Opal: Thanks! Bri_Windstar: Yes, you evil little thing. Thank you. I don’t know what to say – I’m glad it’s real like that. I wanted this to have a very rough, real feeling to it. So dark and hurtful it becomes almost surreal, actually ... CarrKicksDoor: LOL, thanks. I felt embarrassed writing them ... the unedited version, anyway. Jaina_Solo_15: Thank you. They’re really in quite the tough situation, with no end in sight ... Chaotic_Serenity: I’d recommend Dark Rendevous. Shatterpoint, maybe, if Stover doesn’t irritate you (he does me, a little). The JA and JQ are okay, but it’s the situations that they bring up that I find more fun, myself. Some time ago, I decided that ‘have three things happen in every scene, on one level or another’ was something I was going to shoot for in my writing. So this was written that way for that reason. It’s amazing what you can say in just a few pages (I think so, anyway). I’m glad you saw the different ‘layers’ to it, the dialogue, then the intentions behind the dialogue, and then, obviously, the italicized flashbacks. As far as figuring out who was who goes, you’re meant to kind of subtly realize it after a few paragraphs. So it shouldn’t be a big thing in your head, but more like ‘ah, that’s so’ at the end, or where Qui-Gon speaks. I like sparse and precise. That’s what I like to read (generally), so that’s how I write (generally). Thank you! And ... consider yourself reminded to PM me? :p -----signature----- MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty my recent Atton (KOTOR2) fic: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/30335989
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Leia Registered: Aug '98	Date Posted: 2/25/05 12:05am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	You know, oba, I don't even know why I bother posting on your fics anymore. I mean, I say the same stuff every time. Lovely viggie, dearest. If you can get me to care about Obi and Siri, it must be wonderful. LOL, they're not that bad, just not my usual cup of white chocolate cappucino. (Yummy.) Thanks for sharing! -----signature----- Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. (Roald Dahl)
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 2/25/05 12:20am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	giggles You’re so silly. Am not. -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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Vongchild Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 2/25/05 4:03am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	The ending was a kicker. Great one, Oba! -----signature----- "Oh," the other clerk said, as if it was nothing new, "You got one of the kid's drawings." http://boards.theforce.net/Beyond_the_Saga/b10477/21158399 - Mechanical Dreams Apprentice to Zonoma "I'd take a Yuuzhan Vong Warrior over Jacen Solo any day."
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Bri_Windstar Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 2/25/05 10:37am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	To the ever so humorous Pallas-Athena: I love you. runs away stifling mad giggles -----signature----- Mediocrity- it takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference before it's too late. * OMG! SO RIDICULOUSLY AND AGGRAVATINGLY PERFECT!- Gabri * 11010110101000101011
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Chaotic_Serenity Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 2/25/05 12:14pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	I’d recommend Dark Rendevous. Shatterpoint, maybe, if Stover doesn’t irritate you (he does me, a little). The JA and JQ are okay, but it’s the situations that they bring up that I find more fun, myself. I'm more of a character person. I'm not sure if I really want to go after Shatterpoint since Mace Windu just doesn't interest me, but I'm definitely going to shoot for some of the dark ones, like LOE. Thanks for the suggestions, though. Some time ago, I decided that ‘have three things happen in every scene, on one level or another’ was something I was going to shoot for in my writing. So this was written that way for that reason. It’s amazing what you can say in just a few pages (I think so, anyway). I’m glad you saw the different ‘layers’ to it, the dialogue, then the intentions behind the dialogue, and then, obviously, the italicized flashbacks. It's a good goal to shoot for, and reflects life better than a flat narrative. 99% of the time in real life, things are going on behind the scenes more than what people say or do to your face. You balanced it very well, I must say. I like a little abstraction in my reading. As far as figuring out who was who goes, you’re meant to kind of subtly realize it after a few paragraphs. tongue So it shouldn’t be a big thing in your head, but more like ‘ah, that’s so’ at the end, or where Qui-Gon speaks. silly Che, yeah, well, you didn't have me fooled from the start. I like sparse and precise. grin That’s what I like to read (generally), so that’s how I write (generally). Which is fine for your style. I'm quite fond of my hyperbolic melodrama myself. And ... consider yourself reminded to PM me? Yeah, I should do that, shouldn't I? continues to procrastinate -----signature----- Part of the Darth Vader Fanclub. Because good is dumb. The ability to bash a movie does not make one intelligent. Sith for '08: Why vote for a less oppressive regime?
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Knight_Aragorn Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 2/25/05 10:44pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	Wow. This story was very different. I like the way you've woven the two situations together, the way it clicks at the end as to who it was. The sadness in this was heartbreaking. That's just so... cruel. thwacks Jedi Code Wonderful job!
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 2/26/05 8:29am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	Grrr.. I've always hated those rules of the Jedi Order and now even more. That was hauntingly tragic... Siri's questions, Obi-Wan's thoughts on their night together... I really need to go find something funny to break this sad mood now. Excellent viggie obaona. -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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DarthIshtar Title: Former CR Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 2/26/05 11:57am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette) - Date Edited: 2/27/05 5:15pm (1 edits total) Edited By: DarthIshtar
	Well-woven. Well-done. -----signature----- "I feel like a more down-to-earth Pink 5 when I'm writing Leah. Same attitude, less lip gloss." ~Me on how to get in the right mindset for Twilight fanfic.
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Pallas-Athena Title: TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 2/27/05 1:08am Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	I love you, too, Bri peeplove Predictable? Aw peepsmash -----signature----- Do you ever get bored and find yourself scrolling down a thread just to read the signatures?
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obaona Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 3/25/05 11:28pm Subject: RE: Slide (Obi/Siri darkfic, vignette)
	Sorry for taking so long to reply ... Leia: LOL. You do not. And thank you. The way I think of it, some things aren't my cup of Starbucks caffe mocha, but if they're written well enough, I'll read them and enjoy them. I'm glad this was like that for you. (Though Siriwan rocks period. ) Pallas-Athena: You kill me. Vongchild: Thank you, 'twas meant to be. Bri_Windstar: Is it possible not to love Atty? Chaotic_Serenity: Up to you what you read. It's nice to read things outside of what you normally do, sometimes. (I've even read, yes, romance novels. ) It's a good goal to shoot for, and reflects life better than a flat narrative. 99% of the time in real life, things are going on behind the scenes more than what people say or do to your face. You balanced it very well, I must say. I like a little abstraction in my reading. Yeah, too bad it's so darn difficult to do. Atty, my beta, helped a lot with the dialogue - at a certain point, I was having the characters react to things that weren't being actually said. Che, yeah, well, you didn't have me fooled from the start. sticks tongue out at you Yeah, I should do that, shouldn't I? continues to procrastinate looks at date of that post, then today's date, and Knight_Aragorn: Thank you. Cruel is the right word - what's being done to them (through the Code) is cruel, I think, and they take it out on each other, unfortunately. Healer_Leona: Yeah, it is kind of tragic. That's the fate of the Siriwan fic, generally speaking, because of the Code. I find it quite sad, and I actually agree more with Anakin's rationalization to Padme in AOTC. And thank you. DarthIshtar: Thank you. Pallas-Athena: You're weird. -----signature----- MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty my recent Atton (KOTOR2) fic: http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/30335989
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