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Author	Topic: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - Mar. 1
Amidolee Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 7/19/05 7:32pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/18
	Question: How many of you actually want PM notifications on updates? Last time I PMed everyone who's left feedback, but I don't know if some of you like that or find it annoying and a bit on the begging side?? -----signature----- Mar. 1 - One Prick to Bleed: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/20423905/p1 "You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness." Dean to Sam in Roadkill.
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bobilll Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 7/19/05 7:33pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/18
	Sache? Head of NAboo Intel? Uh oh... I can definently see headbutting incidents coming up... The Queen had seen to that. No. I have seen to that. “I am not a reflection of you.” Clouds swirled over the viewscreen. “I am not your problem. You cannot make them disappear by being rid of me.” Sabé shook the words away. She stared at the clouds, losing herself in their dance around the vessel’s heat. “You know nothing of duty.” What in the world provoked this? Sigh, will just have to wait and see. -----signature----- You'll have to buy him a sweater.
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Yui-chan Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 7/20/05 3:31am Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/18
	I actually have the same fears with regarding PMs... but go on ahead and send em to me. I'm really happy to get 'em... I'm looking forward to seeing how Sabé's character evolved. Great work as usual, Amidolee! -----signature----- 4 years of S/O. <3 It must be love. AT THE END OF ALL THINGS - http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=20031707 Post Episode 3 - Featuring an outlaw Sabe, Obi-wan, and Sabewan!
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MasterSareBabe Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 7/20/05 6:25am Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/18
	Wow, I have a lot to catch up on! To answer your question, I do love being notified via PM for every update because that way I don't fall behind.
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AngelQueen Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 7/20/05 9:21am Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/18
	I rather enjoy getting PM notifications on updates as well. I always get excited whenever I see the signal at the top of my screen. Go right ahead and send them to me! AQ -----signature----- "Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!" "If you're not with me, then you're my enemy." "Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must." "You will try." Obi-Wan and Anakin
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Amidolee Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 7/20/05 3:33pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	I thought about being evil and holding out for awhile. But . . . I guess I won't. I really should post slowly and let myself get ahead again, but do have a review-addiction. Ugh, and I just got back from the dentist, where they mutilated my gums serious bombad!! Next Wednesday I have to have all 4 wisdoms yanked out. Ugh. The drugs better be good! Chapter Five Can you keep a secret? Hours seemed to pass. Sabé stared at the coded words of Saché Orzkal, former handmaiden and childhood friend. It was their code, said in excited whispers and shining eyes in darkened school corridors. Can you keep a secret? Sabé stared at the blinking message, her heart pounding. The code, the game, had been adopted by the handmaidens. Saché loved it. The chatty, outgoing girl loved a good spot of intrigue—“And where better than the palace, I ask you?”—and although anyone outside their closed circle found her to be too talkative and energetic for her own good, no one, Sabé knew, could keep a secret like Saché Orzkal. Junior Head of Naboo Intelligence. Impressive, but perhaps not so surprising. Sabé bit her lip and moved closer to the computer console. She breathed slowly, steadily, letting her mind open to the possibilities, not the panic. She had been discovered. But this did not spell disaster. Maybe not. Not yet. This was the personal code, Sabé was certain. Queen Amidala’s handmaidens were no more. Her alarm rested in the label attached to her former friend’s name. If Intelligence knew she was here, they must be looking for her . . . Had she underestimated Amidala? Even Sabé could not imagine the dismissal carrying so far as to send Intelligence after her. So it had to be just Saché . . . But if this were so, why would Saché contact her? A warning? Sabé stared at the blinking light another minute before realizing there was more to the message. Scowling at her incompetence, she opened the full message. The screen flickered and then an unsettlingly familiar face filled the space. A young, dark-haired woman stared up at Sabé with searching, unseeing eyes. Excitement and uncertainty warred across her pretty features, flexing along her strong jaw and full mouth. After a moment, she grinned, her excitement bubbling over. “Hello, Sabé, my old friend!” she said in a low, hushed voice. Sabé tightly gripped the back of her pilot chair, forcing to keep her focus, to not get swept up in sentimentality. “You are either not here or not answering your comm, and I’m hoping it’s the former.” Saché paused, obviously gathering herself. “I can’t believe you’ve been gone for—well, it does not matter. Anyway, I am now Junior Head, can you believe it? I had my own alert on you, in case you ever returned. Please, Sabé, contact me as soon as you get this! You just disappeared, and Amidala would not tell us why she dismissed you. I’m your friend. If you need help, I will help you.” Saché paused and smiled beseechingly. “I can keep a secret.” The message flickered out. Sabé stood motionless for several minutes, thinking. She ignored the hard lump in her throat, ignored the tight burning in her chest. Instead she focused on the possibility. A loyal friend in Intelligence could be very useful in getting to Skywalker and the Senator. But she could not rely on past loyalty or past friendship. Saché would be too full of questions, too suspicious, and perhaps unwilling to divulge classified information. Unless . . . unless Sabé spun on the truth, that the Senator was in danger . . . But Naboo security would be in the way, and again, Sabé would be trusting a friend she had not seen in years, a friend whose last memory of her was not honorable. The best thing to do was leave. Keep on with the old plan, but keep this new development in mind. Unfortunately, this meant no rest for the wicked. She could not stay here, even if Saché was truly the only one aware of her return. It was too great a risk. Quickly, Sabé inserted her comlink into the comm computer. It clicked and whirred as it registered Saché’s link. Then Sabé repacked her rucksack and the extra bag with her new clothes. She had to plan her next step carefully. In her hurry, she failed to notice the shaking of her hands, failed to give her sinking stomach attention. Only when she was moving down the darkening streets, avoiding the pools of warm light and ignoring the sounds of laughter and song, did she feel the cold knowledge grip her. But she kept on, one of Yoda’s chants in her ears as she neared the dark quay. Gondolas drifted sleepily over the glistening, black water pooling up the banks as the wide, deep River Lau-Allhana moved on into, through, and out of Thasyin. The dock house glowed in soft blue security lights, one window reading Closed for the Night in shining white letters. Having spent half her childhood in Thasyin, Sabé understood the dock’s hours. Already a thick blanket of fog was descending the mountains, the first cloud already creeping over the dark water. It would soon reach the quay and then silently fill the old back streets of Thasyin. Those traversing the city center would enjoy a spectacular dance of moisture and light when the natural occurrence hit the fog shields. Sabé recalled many nights of watching the clouds descend and then rear, slowly, gracefully against the shields in a hypnotizing, fluid dance. Tonight, she would not watch. Sabé waited patiently in the shadows until the cool, wet cloak fell over the quay. Dowsed in heavy silence, she moved forward into the fog like a ghost. ~~~ Prepare for another flashback! If it goes right, I think you'll all like it. It'll answer some questions. -----signature----- Mar. 1 - One Prick to Bleed: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/20423905/p1 "You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness." Dean to Sam in Roadkill.
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bobilll Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 7/20/05 7:06pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	Prepare for another flashback! If it goes right, I think you'll all like it. It'll answer some questions. Argh, you're killing me here! If this was a novel, I'd be finished already, and these burning questions wouldn't be there! Patience can be so hard to learn... but I must figure out what happened between those two! -----signature----- You'll have to buy him a sweater.
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AngelQueen Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 7/20/05 7:54pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	Flashbacks are good. Flashbacks that answer some questions are even better! bounces happily Can't wait! So, Amidala did not tell the other Handmaidens why Sabé was exiled? Hm... This just gets even more mysterious with every post. Now I'm really curious! Excellent post, Amidolee! AQ -----signature----- "Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!" "If you're not with me, then you're my enemy." "Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must." "You will try." Obi-Wan and Anakin
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MasterSareBabe Registered: Dec '04	Date Posted: 7/22/05 5:17am Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	I know this is said a lot, but this story is really good! You make us curious about Sabe's history and how she came to be where/what she is.
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Yui-chan Registered: Jun '01	Date Posted: 7/23/05 8:48am Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	Man, I love the way this story makes you NOT TRUST ANYONE, you know? I mean, who can you trust if even cuddly Master Yoda has a slightly more shadowy side as well> Looking forward to the appearance of Saché! -----signature----- 4 years of S/O. <3 It must be love. AT THE END OF ALL THINGS - http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=20031707 Post Episode 3 - Featuring an outlaw Sabe, Obi-wan, and Sabewan!
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Aya-Na_Bashu Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 7/23/05 12:38pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	I just found this. It's really good. Looking for more updates soon. -----signature----- My fics are in my bio. Proud member of ISPLN Step away from Qui-Gon and no one will get hurt!
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Amidolee Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 7/23/05 7:49pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	LOL, Yui-chan! Think of Yoda as more . . . proactive, not shadowy. Welcome, Aya-Na! Glad to have you aboard! Updates . . . Um, hopefully I'll have it up before Wednesday. Stuff came up at work that seriously maimed my writing time, and I'm getting my 4 wisdoms out Wednesday. I really want to get this next post right, so it may take a bit more time. I'm crossing my fingers for Tuesday night. If not, hopefully the time off I get for mouth-slicing won't be completely miserable and will turn out to be productive. -----signature----- Mar. 1 - One Prick to Bleed: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/20423905/p1 "You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness." Dean to Sam in Roadkill.
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Aya-Na_Bashu Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 7/23/05 9:39pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	Amidolee posted: I'm getting my 4 wisdoms out Wednesday. Been there, good drugs. -----signature----- My fics are in my bio. Proud member of ISPLN Step away from Qui-Gon and no one will get hurt!
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Senator_Lorena Registered: Oct '03	Date Posted: 7/25/05 2:58pm Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	I have been told wisdom teeth extractions are not fun. Not good you have to go through with it. But your story is still good. Sabe seems to be the Jedi equivalent of the "Emperor's Hand," Mara Jade. Why was she dismissed by Amidala? Why is she living a life of such anguish? Why would Yoda use her in such a way? Hope to read the answers soon! ~SL~ BTW: We are in the process of moving into a new house. It may be a while before I can return to the internet. -----signature----- "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. ~ Less Brown "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." ~ John 3:17 NIV
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Amidolee Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 7/26/05 11:20am Subject: RE: One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - 7/20
	Ok, folks, I think this is a very beaten dead horse. Originally I intended only to give hints and minor flashes back to this scene, but then I felt we actually needed this scene and I moved it up earlier than I intended. Anyway, this is about the 4th version of this scene. Earlier versions were either too hissy-fitty at the start, or either too streamlined the reader would have no idea what is going on or so bulky with exposition that, well, you would've choked. I don't like killing readers. So, this is the version that functioned the best. Hope you don't choke. It's still chunky. Like that new campbell's soup. The beginning golden pink hues of sunset flowed through the floor-to-ceiling windows, bathing the four women in glorious warmth. Just beyond the ornate, pillared arches supporting the glare-subduing glass, the tiered Fountain of Rohala flashed and danced, celebrating the end of a long, grueling day. Evening birds alighted on the wearing marble, fluttering their feathers, their splashing appearing as live jewels. Inside the Recovery Chamber—as the handmaidens referred to it—all was quiet, the serenade to approaching night faint, distant. It felt like a weary sigh, this room. For six years, Queen Amidala and her handmaidens retreated from the throne room to this quiet, airy oasis of luxurious lounges and a breathtaking view of Theed’s cliffs and falls. Sunset always warmed the room, wrapped sympathetically, comfortingly around its worn occupants. Here pretense fell away, headdresses were removed, cumbersome gowns shed, and then smiles and jokes were passed, each one smoothing a furrowed brow, easing tense shoulders. The Recovery Chamber was their transition from ruler and guardians of an entire planet to friends, to young women enjoying the pleasure of one another’s company. Or so it usually was. Tonight a heavy, tense silence hung over the chamber, trailing after other similarly subdued evenings becoming not uncommon in the Queen’s second term. Sabé stood silently in the shadow of an inscribed window column, leaning slightly against the sculpted stone. Her eyes swept the chamber, falling first to the slumped, relaxed figure of Saché sprawled on a plush, deep purple divan. The handmaiden had shaken her long hair free of her hood, and it fell around her, mimicking her flopping body line in rebellion to the long hours spent upright and alert in the throne room. Saché had already completed her task of returning the Queen’s gown to its proper place. Sabé smiled a little at her friend’s exhausted position, and then let her gaze glide from the lower sitting area to the “dressing station” (as Saché called it). Amidala sat at the large illuminated mirror, sitting rather stiffly as Rabé worked her deft fingers soothingly through headdress-stressed locks. In the mirror’s reflection, a crease still marred the Queen’s brow, and her eyes were hidden from Sabé as they stared downward, seeming to follow the curves of her frown. Not long ago, Amidala used to close her eyes and lean blissfully back into Rabé’s fingers, letting the handmaiden’s soothing murmurs ease the tension of politics and responsibility out of her. A joke would be passed, perhaps about those nimble fingers also being deadly, or this was the true reason Rabé had been sworn into duty. But now the throne room seemed to linger in here. Sabé turned away. She stepped closer to the enormous, seemingly nonexistent window. Breathing deeply to alleviate the tension still tight in her body, she gazed out at the cliffs of Theed and the valley far below. With the sunset reflecting off the numerous waterfalls and the winding River Solleu, the world was a prism full of smaller, dancing crystals and ribbons. It was breathtaking, soothing . . . but it did not reach her tonight. Sabé closed her eyes. I should meditate in the gardens tonight. The room hummed, vibrated around her . . . through her. With her back turned to it, her face soaking in the glorious but retreating rays, Sabé could sense everything behind her. She could almost feel Rabé’s massaging, but instead of soothing her, they seemed to grate, to knit uneasiness into her mind. Saché’s breathing was sleepy, but Sabé could almost see her eyelids twitching, as the handmaiden was also aware of everyone’s movements. Most of all, Sabé could sense a thick cord of tension and wariness between Amidala and her. It felt tighter tonight, wrapping and twining around Sabé as she stood in silence. Sabé sighed quietly, opening her eyes to stare at the evening birds bathing in the fountain. It had been a long day. A long day made even longer by the Supreme Chancellor’s audience transmission. Sabé mentally shook her head at it all, at the former Senator’s timing, the deteriorating state of the Republic, and, well, everything. She had not missed the warning looks Amidala had sent her throughout Chancellor Palpatine’s little speech. Those warnings were unnecessary. Sabé knew her place, which was not to speak out in the throne room, especially when the Queen and the galactic ruler were conversing over an enormous but delicate matter. Still, it had been a bit difficult to repress a derisive snort. “Rabé, Saché,” Amidala said quietly, drawing Sabé out of her thoughts. “You are dismissed for the evening.” “Yes, Your Highness,” both said softly. Amidala had used her Queen’s voice, but neither handmaiden voiced her opinion on this. They were too trained for that. Sabé did not turn from the window to see the other handmaidens depart. Saché’s skirt rustled softly as she rose, and Rabé murmured a good night. Sabé could almost feel the other handmaidens’ curious, darting glances before they left. She knew the other handmaidens whispered the state of things between Sabé and the Queen. Saché had told her as much. But Sabé would not say, would not betray the Queen’s confidence—but the others could sense the uneasiness between them. Sabé kept facing the approach of night as the chamber’s silence thickened. She had so much she wanted to say, needed to say, but she knew her words would instigate another spar, deepen the conflict. She did not want to fight tonight. Or ever. “Sabé,” said Amidala. It was a command, as it so often was these days. Defense. The handmaiden turned, the worry she’d shown the sunset sliding under a blank mask as she faced Amidala, her friend as well as her Queen. The slightly younger woman stood facing her, royal mask removed, but another was already in place. Her arms hung at her sides, lost within the silky folds of her deep maroon robe. They stared at one another for a long moment, then Amidala glanced away. “I wish I could tell what you are thinking,” she said. “No, you don’t,” Sabé said quietly. Amidala tried to smile ruefully, but her lips only twitched. She touched the gilded back of her chair, her white-painted nails fluttering over the artwork. Sabé watched silently. Perhaps she should not have spoken honestly, but they always spoke honestly here. It was just that, lately, honesty was becoming painful. The Queen seemed to realize she was fidgeting. She dropped her hand and met Sabé’s gaze. Sabé waited, her eyes never leaving the one she had pledged her life to six years ago. She knew this precocious young woman well, perhaps too well. Perhaps that was the problem, why they were becoming increasingly on edge with each other. We will not fight tonight. She could see the conflict marring Amidala’s attempt at calm, cool control. The Queen was agitated, deeply bothered, and Sabé sensed a slight hint of fear in the downward tilt of Amidala’s mouth. She wondered with mild, interested surprise, if the Queen feared her. Sabé relaxed her face, letting herself appear less impassive and more open, listening. “Sabé, my friend,” Amidala said slowly, coming toward Sabé. “I know we’ve been having our . . . differences lately.” Sabé offered Amidala a smirk. “You’re stalling, Ami. Please,” she added, a touch darkly, “no political maneuvering here.” Amidala raised her chin, and Sabé knew she had spotted exactly what her friend had been doing. It made her distinctly uneasy that Amidala’s words were still laced with her “Queen’s voice.” “Very well,” said Amidala after a moment. She turned away and began pacing before Sabé. After another minute, she stepped down to the sitting area. Sabé followed her, taking a seat on a lounge across from Amidala. The handmaiden watched the Queen’s soft hands smooth her simple dress. “Your Highness,” Sabé said a little teasingly. “You are still stalling.” “Yes, I know,” Amidala sighed. She touched her brow, gave her head a little shake, and straightened up, looking at Sabé almost pleadingly. “You are not going to like this, Sabé. I know everything you have said before—again and again—and I think you are wrong—no, stop, just let me explain.” She stood up and began pacing before Sabé, her hands gesturing as if arguing with themselves. “The Chancellor and I have been speaking privately often this past month,” she said. Sabé did not bother to hide her surprise or dismay at hearing this. “Why did you not tell me?” “Because you have often told me what you think of Palpatine.” Amidala shrugged. “Yes, maybe he did seize rather enthusiastically upon the opportunity that damn blockade presented him, but one can be ambitious as well as honest and good, Sabé.” Sabé bit back her retort. They had argued over Palpatine before. Sabé did not trust the man. In her brief time with him, under the decoy costume, she had felt decidedly uneasy around him. Perhaps being in disguise made her paranoid of other disguises, but she simply did not trust his unassuming, guileless, almost downright ‘sweet old man’ manner. Now, with rumors of worlds planning to secede from the Republic, talk of extending Palpatine’s soon-to-end term was circulating through the Senate. Tonight, Palpatine had conferred with Amidala, who was also facing similar talk from the Naboo. Only over an hour ago, Sabé had listened to Palpatine’s familiar, disarmingly reluctant tone. “I, of course, Your Highness, believe as you do. My term should end accordingly, as the honorable chancellors have before me. But I am merely an extension of the voice of the people, and if the galaxy feels I am best to prevent this growing unrest, I cannot refuse them.” “He is aggrieved that the Senate is even considering amending the constitution to allow him to continue,” said Amidala, pacing before Sabé. “I know him well, Sabé. He does not take this unprecedented situation lightly.” Sabé frowned, resisting a headshake as Amidala gave her a narrow look. The two women stared at each other for a long moment, and Sabé knew they were both replaying previous conversations in their minds. Queen Amidala was adamant about stepping down from the throne when her term ended. The Naboo could hardly be criticized for wanting to keep her. King Veruna had wounded the Naboo’s faith in their government, but Amidala, though young, had restored the people’s faith and vigor. Sabé and Amidala had often speculated if she would have even gone a second term, if not for the Trade Federation’s invasion that spurred a rather spectacular victory for the Queen. “I would like to believe my policies and civilized actions are what got me re-elected, but I have to admit, Sabé, I think it’s the Battle for Naboo they think about, remember.” “And that spectacular parade and ball.” “Sabé!” “Your Highness—Ami—” Sabé paused, trying to keep any judgment from her voice. “Has the Chancellor changed your mind about the constitution?” Amidala smiled reassuringly, but it did not reach her eyes. “No. I stand firm there.” She brushed away a stray lock. “But you did hear him correctly. He has argued the other side of the matter . . . but he and I are different, despite our similar ideals.” Sabé raised her eyebrows, thinking back to Palpatine’s words over an hour ago. “Your reign’s end will be a great loss to your people, but these things must pass. Have you given any more consideration to my earlier suggestion?” She looked sharply at Amidala. “What did he ask you to consider? You evaded it earlier.” Amidala froze for a moment, then drew herself up straight. All-too-familiar stubbornness darkened her eyes, hardened the smooth, graceful line of her chin. “This is what I want to talk to you about, Sabé. My friend. You cannot sway me. I have made my decision.” Uneasiness swirled in her belly, but Sabé sat up straight, her eyes never leaving the Queen as she paced deliberately before her. Amidala’s hands were folded across her stomach, as if to brace herself. Then she stopped and stood quite still, her back to Sabé as she gazed at the purple twilight filling the garden terrace. “The Chancellor has asked me,” Amidala said quietly, carefully, “to run for the Senate when my term is over. And I will.” “What?” Sabé stood up and went to the Queen, stopping just behind her. Amidala turned, resolution hard in her eyes. “When I am no longer Queen of Naboo, I will run for the Galactic Senate.” Sabé had been afraid of this, but it had only been uncertain speculation on Amidala’s part. “When did you decide this?” she asked. “Today. It became clear to me I must help the Republic where I can.” “By jumping into that quagmire of corruption?” Sabé spat disgustedly. “Ami, you are an idealist. You think just because you are honest and good and truly believe in the system—” “Which is exactly why I need to be there!” Amidala pressed a palm to her forehead and took a deep breath. “Sabé, we’ve been over this before.” “I know.” Sabé looked away and took a deep, steadying breath. Her concern for Amidala went further than mere corruption. After the Queen’s nearly unanimous re-election, Sabé had noticed a shadow of conflict creep into her friend’s eyes, a hint of uncertainty behind the white, doll-like mask. The years of being in public service, in being selfless and idealism-in-action, of putting all sense of self away to benefit others, were wearing on the young woman. Sabé had watched as Amidala’s sense of self began to surface and conflict with the crown. Eventually, she had prodded her friend into admitting some of her uncertainty. Where was her place in life, exactly? Was she selfish to sometimes wish for a different life? As Sabé saw it, Amidala had so thoroughly split herself in two and stored half away, that she could not wholly connect to herself anymore. She had placed so much into the role of Queen Amidala that any other part of herself should be squashed and pushed away. But more and more, the self was creeping back, demanding to be taken out and examined. It made Amidala uneasy. Yet she yearned for it; Sabé could almost feel her friend’s need for it. The temptation to toss away the Queen half and devote herself to this other hidden, neglected part of her had to be overwhelming. Amidala had finally, shamefacedly, admitted this one night to Sabé. While Sabé agreed her friend needed to reevaluate her personal and public life, she did not believe Amidala would be content living a traditional, domestic life. Amidala was an idealist, driven by helping people, making a difference by serving the greater good. If she ricocheted to a life focused on the self, she would be miserable. She needed to find a balance, a compromise. But Sabé was beginning to wonder if Amidala even could . . . “I know,” Sabé repeated, softening her voice. “But, Ami, you will be wasted there. And unhappy.” “My personal happiness has nothing to do with this.” A pained look flashed across Amidala’s face. “Sabé, I know you are worried about me. I appreciate it. But I stand firm. The Republic needs me. I know it will be . . . unpleasant on Coruscant at times. I am not so naïve and isolated to not see the corruption in the Senate. The Chancellor is doing what he can, but he needs more idealists, more honest Senators.” She paused and gave Sabé an earnest smile with a small shake of her head. “You are a demanding friend, Sabé. You want me to find—what is it? ‘A place within myself’ but still serve the greater good? Well, I am. Where better than the Republic Senate?” “You misunderstand me,” said Sabé. On purpose, she was sure. “There are many ways to serve without throwing yourself into that pit. You could serve on the council, or return to the relief group—” “I have made my decision.” Sabé took a deep breath. “Is this, perhaps, an attempt to run away from your self-doubt?” “That is quite enough, handmaiden!” Sabé lifted her chin against the rebuke. Amidala’s eyes flashed dangerously, an angry flush in her cheeks. I went too far there, Sabé thought. Which means I’ve hit the mark. Still, she did not want to anger Amidala. Dropping her head in a small, apologetic bow, she said, “I am sorry, Your Highness. I will, of course, continue to serve you on Coruscant.” When she looked up, she expected to see soft forgiveness in her friend’s face, but Sabé felt a cold chill creep up her back. Amidala was gazing at her with her politician’s face. “No, Sabé,” she said quietly. “You will not.” Sabé opened her mouth to cry what?, but she only gaped. A faint buzzing sounded in her ear, and she wondered, rather distantly, how a punched gut could affect her ears. “Please explain,” she gritted out. Amidala, face blank, moved away, her steps steady and controlled. “I have decided to release the handmaidens at the end of my term. Yané, as you know, will be gone by the end of the month due to her mother’s illness. Rabé, I know, is waiting to be married. You have all served me well. I do not wish to put your lives on hold for me any longer.” Her words reverberated through the room, eventually finding their way to Sabé, who stood stock still, unable to move. She absorbed them slowly through the ringing in her ears, then shook her head to dislodge them. “Your Highness—Ami,” she said. Her throat felt scratchy, her tongue thick. “I understand you want to give us a gift. But we have pledged our lives to you. We do not take our oaths lightly. Some of us may still wish to serve. I still wish to serve you.” “You want me to offer all of you a choice,” said Amidala. Sabé nodded. “I have already spoken to the others.” “You what?” Amidala gave Sabé a distinctly patronizing look. “I had a feeling you would take this the wrong way.” She came forward, her hands folded together. “Rabé, Saché, Eirtaé, and Yané—they have all served me, have all taken that oath, but they are ready for their lives to resume. My reign is not permanent. Nor are your oaths. You serve me, but I will not always need you.” “You will still need us on Coruscant,” said Sabé. “You will still need handmaidens.” “Not five.” “No, not five. If the others wish to leave, then let them,” said Sabé, “but, please, Ami, let me continue to serve you. I have no other life to resume. This is my life.” “Which only reaffirms my decision,” said Amidala, her little smile cold. “Service to me cannot be your life anymore, Sabé. You must find something else. Perhaps all those things you’ve been saying to me you’re really saying to yourself.” “I am not a reflection of you.” Sabé took a step back, trying to gather herself. She felt cold and hot at once. “Your Highness,” she said, “I know exactly who I am. I have my duty, I serve you, and that’s exactly where I should be: at your side.” “Come now, Sabé,” Amidala admonished. “You’re an independent person. Your duty will be over soon. How can you not want another life? Start a family? Follow a different career path and get away from politics?” Sabé stared in disbelief. “Are you listening to yourself? You are the one harboring desire for another life, not me.” “How can you not?” Sabé turned away from Amidala, wanting to scream in frustration. “Again, I ask you are you listening to yourself? Ami, you need to figure out what you want and need before you lose yourself on Coruscant! You are unhappy. You’re not even sure what you want. How can you lead and help—” “You are taking this too close to heart!” cried Amidala over Sabé. “You act like I’m betraying you are something. Your duty is only temporary, Sabé. You are even compensated for it. It is almost like a job—” “You know nothing of duty, Your Highness.” The words hissed vehemently out of her before she could stop them. But she did not regret them, not yet. Amidala gaped as if she had been slapped. Sabé raised her chin, staring her down. Broiling . . . she was broiling. How could she? How could she break all of this—oath, duty, life—down to a mere job? Everything Sabé had become, everything she was . . . No, Amidala could not have said that, could not mean it . . . “You do not mean that,” said Amidala coldly. “Is it not duty drawing me to Coruscant?” “Yes, I mean it. And no—it is not duty.” You do not understand me, you do not understand duty. “You believe this is a burden you must bear. Duty is not a burden, Your Highness. It begins with a choice, not surrender.” “Have I not made my choice?” Amidala whirled around, her robes billowing behind her, her hair swinging angrily. “I chose to run for Queen, I’ve chosen this life of service to the people! I have made my choice to be of still greater service! I am sacrificing my personal desires for this! How can you look at me and say I know nothing of duty?” Sabé did not speak for a moment. Amidala’s words were wrought with anger and pain. The handmaiden focused on this, tried to set her own sense of betrayal aside. Amidala was acting out from her own insecurity, and Sabé was the only one she could attack. Honesty truly was becoming too painful . . . “Ami,” she said softly, “sacrifice is part of duty. But you have no peace with it.” “And you do, I suppose?” Amidala’s shoulders were hunched, her dark locks falling over them like a cloak. “Yes,” said Sabé, choosing to ignore the sarcastic tone. “I do.” “And that makes you better than me?” Amidala faced Sabé angrily. “You stand there, all calm and mighty, spouting off about duty and sacrifice like some sort of—of Jedi—thinking you know me! Thinking you are better than me!” “You completely misunderstand me, Your Highness!” Sabé advanced, her voice raising with her anger, her disbelief. “I have never believed myself better than you! I am not calm and mighty as you put it! I am absolutely seething! Because I cannot believe that the person I have served both as handmaiden, protector, and friend for six years is tossing me away, acting like I am nothing more than an employee! I have only been concerned for you, my friend! I cannot quietly sit by and watch you sink deeper and deeper into misery! “You’ve been using me as your mirror! Well, I’m not your mirror! I am your friend, I am your beating wall, but I am not your mirror. Do not, I beg you, turn me away because you cannot face yourself!” Sabé’s voice went hoarse and she stopped, drawing breath. She felt shaky, dizzy. Had she really just shouted at Amidala? She had more to say, more to scream, but her throat ceased to function. “You are dismissed.” Sabé swallowed and cleared your throat. “Yes, Your Highness. You must, however, give me the choice to continue to serve you on Coruscant. I am your handmaiden. Your friend.” “No. You are not.” The Queen’s hard, impassive voice stabbed Sabé like shards of ice. “What?” she choked out. She had misheard . . . Amidala’s back was still to her, muffling her words . . . no matter how clear they were . . . “What did you say?” “You are no longer my handmaiden. You are dismissed.” Amidala turned then. Cold, hard, and resolute. “I am not giving you a choice. You are dismissed from my service.” No . . . No . . . No, it couldn’t be . . . Sabé swayed . . . blinked . . . “I was going to ask you to train my senatorial handmaidens,” the Queen continued. “As your last duty to me.” A flicker . . . How could she? . . . Now a flame— She finally found her voice, found something to grasp. “You—you cannot mean that!” “Oh, but I do.” Queen Amidala suddenly seemed a stranger, her familiar, beautiful face devoid of any semblance of the friend Sabé had faithfully served for six years. “I am dismissing you without honor, Sabé Mabriee. You are no longer my handmaiden. I want you out of the palace by tomorrow.” The room tilted as Queen Amidala turned away. The walls faded to gray edged in red . . . blurry but hard . . . Something scratchy and painful—the Queen’s trailing robe—the buzzing, ringing, pounding . . . Sabé swayed, her calves pressing against the edge of the lounge. Something was moving, writhing in her stomach, threatening to come up, but her throat had closed and her lungs were empty. No . . . this could not be happening . . . The Queen was almost to the left passage door . . . It was happening. Sabé turned her head. Her body was still frozen. But she could see the Queen . . . almost to the door . . . almost gone. The thing in her stomach burned, the walls throbbed, pulsing like hot, angry blood in dead cold veins. “Amidala,” she said. Jagged, twisted. Her throat . . . it hurt . . . “I am not your problem. Being rid of me—it won’t make your problems go away.” The Queen paused. Without turning, she repeated, “You are dismissed.” Almost out the door, almost gone. A disembodied voice filled her throat, filled the room. “I was wrong about you. You are just another politician. I do not believe in you.” Amidala was gone. The chamber stilled, the throbbing ceased, but everything remained gray. Sabé stood alone, barely breathing, as Amidala’s words thrummed unbearably through her heart, riding her blood to her ears. “You are dismissed.” -----signature----- Mar. 1 - One Prick to Bleed: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/20423905/p1 "You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness." Dean to Sam in Roadkill.
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