Jedi Council Forums - Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst

Jedi Council Forums » Fan Fiction » The Saga »

Post Reply | Active Topic Notification | Previous Active Topic | Next Active Topic

Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 - ~~Previous~~ | Next | Reload

Author	Topic: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst - It's ALIVE, 7/15
VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 11/28/06 10:51am Subject: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst - It's ALIVE, 7/15 - Date Edited: 7/15 7:37am (6 edits total) Edited By: VaderLVR64
	Title: Never Again Author: VaderLVR64 Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Padmé, Luke, Leia Timeframe: Five years post RoTS Genre: AU, angst, vignette no more - now something else. Just not sure what. Notes: Thank you to Gina. And I’m sorry. I’ll take all the blame for those cookies. Never Again It was not supposed to happen like this. Anakin buried his face in his hands and let the tears fall at last. It was safe to cry now, for she had finally fallen asleep. The blackness of utter despair descended on him, crushing him beneath its terrible weight. “Why?” he whispered, asking no one – and everyone. A soft moan from the bed brought his head up in alarm. She was still sleeping, though the pain made her restless. Around her eyes, frightening smudges of blue stood out like bruises on her pale skin. Tenderly, he brushed his hand over her dark curls. Then he took her hand in his and gazed at it, marveling at the delicacy of her bones. He almost feared he would crush the small hand in his if he did not take care. With a sigh, he placed her hand on the blanket once more. She was dying. His jaw clenched and he felt the familiar cold rage wash over him. It was refreshing in a way, a welcome change from the despair. Five years ago, he had turned his back on the Dark Side and risked Padmé’s life. And for what? So he could sit here and watch one he loved slowly dying? Had he traded unlimited power – and the probability of triumphing over death – only to be defeated by it now? Something cold and dark unfurled inside him, reaching out with frigid fingers, wrapping around his spine, working their way into his brain. Death…his old nemesis, the only thing that could truly defeat him. Slowly, the rage inside him stirred, roused to life by another needless death. He had risked everything to stay in the Light. He had been expelled from the Jedi Order, he had agonized with Padmé during labor, terrified that every moment would be her last, and he had watched over her anxiously in the days that followed, sure that his vision would come true. Then the years had passed and he had grown complacent, comfortable in his new life. Padmé bloomed with happiness and the twins were his heart and soul. Padmé, Luke, and Leia were all he needed to complete him and his days as a Jedi were soon forgotten, lost in the dizzying haze of new parenthood and the blissful relief of sharing his life openly with his wife. They had been incredibly happy, leaving behind the world of politics and the Jedi Order. Settling on Naboo, surrounded by family and friends, their regrets had been few and fleeting. And then this… The Light had betrayed him. It was allowing Death to steal into his family and snatch away one he loved. The unfairness of it all ate at him, clawed at him until he felt he would go mad. Suddenly, he had shoved his fist in his mouth, terrified that his outraged screams would escape him and awaken his angel. Again, she stirred, a tiny whimper passing from her pale lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You’re fighting so hard…” he said. The cost of the struggle was evident on her pale face. She had been a fighter from the moment of her birth and she was not about to stop now, he mused. “Is she sleeping?” An exhausted voice came from the doorway and he turned to see Padmé standing there, her face almost as pale as Leia’s, her hair in disarray, leaning against the doorjamb as if for strength. He nodded and held out his hand. Silently, she moved toward him, her eyes never leaving the small, still form on the bed. Hastily, he wiped away the evidence of his tears. He had to stay strong for Padmé…for Leia. Padmé sank into his lap, wrapped one arm around his neck. Together, they studied their daughter. Leia Skywalker was indeed a fighter. The little girl was strong and seemed possessed of endless determination and optimism. She had struggled with the insidious disease for over a year, gaining ground only to lose it a few weeks later. And slowly, the disease was proving the victor. “How is she?” Padmé asked quietly, her eyes still locked on Leia. “Restless,” he admitted in a hoarse voice. “I don’t think the pain meds are working as well as they did.” He felt Padmé sink into him, as if she too was crushed by her hopelessness. “The medics said that might happen.” Her voice was small and weak. Anakin wrapped his arms around his wife and squeezed, perhaps too roughly because she stirred uneasily, and he loosened his grip. “I feel helpless,” he murmured. Padmé ran her fingertips along his clenched jaw. “My poor Anakin, there’s nothing you hate more than feeling as if you can’t fix something.” She made the astute observation without emotion. Perhaps all of her feelings had been spent in her grief, he thought. He knew that his had – except for the anger. That still bubbled inside of him, still strong and vital. If rage could be used for healing, Leia would already be well. “Where’s Luke?” he asked, trying to divert his thoughts from the shadows that seemed to leap up and taunt him. “He’s at my mother’s house,” Padmé answered, and she suddenly buried her face in his neck. He felt her tears on his flesh, hot and silent. She made no sound, just wept quietly on his shoulder. When her tears had been spent, she sighed heavily as if momentarily purged of her grief. Padmé leaned back and glanced at Leia with anxious eyes. “She didn’t wake up, did she?” “No,” he answered, wiping away her tears. Their eyes met across an abyss so wide they wondered if they would ever be the same again. “I can’t bear the thought of losing her,” Padmé said thinly. “I think it will kill me.” His eyes closed briefly in despair – and anger – he shook his head. “Don’t talk like that,” he commanded. “I can’t worry about losing you too.” Then his face grew tight with determination. “I won’t lose you.” If either of them heard an echo of his words five years ago, neither of them spoke of it. The blackness descended on Anakin once more. It had only been pushed back a bit by Padmé’s arrival and now it was back, stronger than ever. She always made him feel that living in the Light might just be possible, but the sight of their daughter made a lie of that vain hope. He stared down at Leia, so vulnerable and delicate, wasted by her illness. The Jedi were wrong, he saw that quite clearly now. The Light was a lie – a cruel joke, an excuse to be weak and to beg for that which they should have commanded. And he had swallowed their lies and worthless platitudes with galling humility. Dreams pass in time. Easy for Obi-Wan to say, but much harder to accept when he had held his mother’s broken body. Always in motion, the future is. Another useless bit of Jedi “wisdom.” Oh yes, the future was always in motion, spinning out of control simply because the Jedi refused to grab hold of it, mold it according to their wishes, shape it for the greater good. They had weakened him as well, and now his Leia was going to pay the price. What possible use could his daughter’s death serve? Or his mother’s? Were all those he loved destined to die while he stood by, helpless and lost? “Have you talked to the medics today?” Padmé’s voice interrupted his dark ruminations and he found, to his surprise, that he bitterly resented the intrusion. “What?” he asked, feeling as dazed as if he had taken a blow to the head. She repeated her question quietly. Anakin made a grimace of disgust and shook his head. “They’re useless now, worse than useless,” he hissed. “I sent them away.” “Anakin,” she breathed in surprise, taken aback at his vehemence. She shrank from the anger in his face. He almost laughed when he realized that Padmé still placed her faith in the medics, those men and women who stood around their daughter’s deathbed with sorrowful eyes and nothing else to offer. How could she be so blind? “All they can do now is give her drugs to ease the pain,” he ground out. “And they work less and less.” Anakin looked at Leia. “The Force can give her more relief than all their worthless medicines.” “But-” Padmé began to protest but her eyes strayed to the little girl on the bed. Even she could not deny the truth of his words. The best medical care in the galaxy had failed them. Suddenly, her shoulders slumped and she began to tremble slightly. “She’s so tiny,” she murmured as if surprised by the observation. “Too small for all of this.” Anakin could not respond, for he was choking on his rage and his grief. They had formed a bitter mass in his mouth and belly, bleeding out into his soul. His daughter was dying and there wasn’t damn thing he could do about it. The Jedi could not save her; their best healer had shaken her head and said there was nothing she could do. At least she had been honest, refusing to make any promises she could not keep. Padmé gave a weary nod and got to her feet. “I’m going to lie down for a while…since she’s sleeping.” Her eyes went to Leia again. There was guilt in every line on Padmé’s face, and Anakin did not know what to do to alleviate it. This was not Padmé’s fault, but his own. He had been too weak to claim the power that might have saved his daughter. Once more he had failed and one he loved would pay the price. “All right,” he answered. “I’ll stay here with her in case she wakes up.” Padmé nodded and stumbled out of the room, her movements clumsy and stilted. With Padmé gone, Anakin gave up all pretenses. He threw back his head and a soundless cry was ripped out of his throat. His fists clenched at his sides as he surged to his feet. He could feel the power that waited for him to claim it…dancing just beyond his grasp. It seemed to hiss a welcome, encouraging him to act now – before it was too late. Anakin closed his eyes and reached out – “Daddy?” Immediately, the shadows retreated and Anakin fell to his knees beside his daughter’s bed. “Yes, princess?” he asked softly, cradling her precious face in his hands. “What was that?” Leia asked. He noticed that her lips were dry and cracked. “Nothing, sweetie,” he reassured her. “Nothing at all.” “I had a dream,” she said with a half-smile. “Was it a good dream?” Anakin asked, returning her smile. She didn’t smile much these days, though she tried, stars knew she tried. She nodded and snuggled more deeply under the covers. “I was running in the field by the lake,” she said. “You know the one where you and Mommy got married?” “Yes, love, I know the one,” he said with a soft chuckle. “The flowers were blooming and you were tickling Mommy,” Leia continued. “And Luke and I wanted to go for a ride in the boat.” “And did we go out on the lake?” She giggled and nodded her head once more and then her expression turned solemn. “It was fun, Daddy, just like we used to have.” The plaintive words broke his heart all over again and he had to resist the urge to crush her to his chest. She was so terribly fragile now, and he constantly feared hurting her. “That sounds like a fun time,” he agreed. “We’ll do it again…when you’re better.” Leia looked past him and sighed. “Daddy, I don’t think I’m gonna get better.” Anakin swallowed hard and stared at her. “Why do you say that, princess?” He tried very hard to make his voice sound playful and normal, but her eyes grew sad. “Daddy, I know,” she said softly. Those three words shattered him. He dropped his head in his hands and wept freely for the first time in front of her. Then he felt a small hand drop on his shoulder and give him a comforting pat. He looked up at her, so small and brave, facing death with more courage than most grown men…and he hated himself. Anakin crawled up into the bed and wrapped his arms around his daughter, finding more comfort than he gave. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three weeks later, they laid their daughter to rest. They buried her in the meadow she had dreamed about, that fragrant, perfect place where only happiness was allowed to thrive. It was a private funeral, only family permitted. When the simple ceremony was over, Luke tugged at his father’s hand, anxious to be away from the meadow he had once loved. “Wanna go home, Daddy,” he said anxiously. Since Leia had died, Luke had been inconsolable. A part of him had died with his twin and he was too young to fully understand what had happened. All he knew was that the “Leia place” inside him was empty. “Go with your mother, Luke,” Anakin said in a husky voice. “I’m going to stay here for a while.” Luke looked up at his father uncertainly and then released his father’s hand. As the boy walked through the thick grasses toward his waiting mother, he glanced back over his shoulder, a frown on his face. Then his mother called him to hurry and he ran to her. She was crying again. Anakin waited until he was alone with Leia. He grabbed a handful of soil, loosened from the digging of her grave. His daughter would sleep beneath the cold ground tonight and nothing he did would change that. He had failed his Leia as he had his mother. Never again. The wind picked up suddenly, causing his black cloak to flap sharply in the breeze. The folds of the cloak wrapped around him, creating a dark cocoon. From within the shadowed hood, his eyes shone as blue as the Naboo sky for just a moment…then flickered with malevolent yellow flames. Never again. -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Army Mom! HOOAH! Adopt a soldier: http://soldiersangels.org/
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Leia_Sith_Lady Registered: Nov '06	Date Posted: 11/28/06 11:24am Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	I love this. Leia being so brave. Luke not realizing what happened. It's so sad. Anakin went to the dark side because his daughter died. Somehow I don't think that is the best way to honor her. Great job! I give this story a big hug. -----signature----- You must begin by gaining power over yourself; then another; then a group; then and order a world, a species, a group of species . . . finally the galaxy itself. -Darth Plagueis School Started --- September 5, 2007 at 6:55 Nooooo!!! Why ME!!
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Star_Angel Registered: Jan '06	Date Posted: 11/28/06 11:25am Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	Hmm, until I read that Padmé stood in the doorway I thought it was she that was dying. But oh my, it was Leia, little Leia. This just broke my heart, and I’m crying rivers right now. So amazing Vadey, so amazing. I want to say more but I don’t know what, I think that this will need to sink in first. -----signature----- “It’s not our abilities that shows us what we truly are, it is our choices” – Albus Dumbledor (CoS) <- fanfics/fanart + a funny video in bio SWEDEN HOCKEY forever
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Miana Kenobi Title: Pacific Region RSA NSWFF Manager Registered: Apr '00	Date Posted: 11/28/06 12:04pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	Great job, Kim! I'm with Star: at first I thought it was Padmé dying. It makes it so much worse that it was Leia. Such a sad but great start! If you do PM lists, can you drop me one when you update? -----signature----- You can't take the sky from me. He tini nga whetu e ngaro I te kapua iti. Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Gina Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 11/28/06 12:38pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	No need to take blame for anything. The freezer was empty, so no calories. Just warn me next time. LOL! Seriously, though, you know I think this is a stunning piece. You had me completely fooled when it turned out to be Leia who was dying. To be a parent facing this... shudders “Daddy, I know,” she said softly. This had me utterly in tears. And the ending gave me chills! You NEVER cease to amaze me. -----signature----- A long time ago in a house far away, there was a mother who was strong in the ways of the Force. She "forced" her sons to clean their room, she "forced" her sons to behave. - Part of a story written by my 9 yr. old sons I found while cleaning their desks
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
randomangel22 Registered: Feb '06	Date Posted: 11/28/06 1:08pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	Just rip my lil heart out why don't you . I thought at first it was Padme dying but then it was Leia and that was even worse . It must be the hardest thing for a parent to watch their child die before them . But Anakin NOOO don't turn to the Dark Side !! Wonderful job as always !! -----signature----- I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack. --Demetri Martin Yeah that would suck now wouldn't it?
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 11/28/06 4:52pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	Anakin needs to remember that Leia is at peace now and would not want her daddy to go to the darkside because of her. If the Jedi could not heal her, nothing could, not even Darkness. Great job. Very sad. -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 11/20/08 jedidas3's Master At last - Hope for our country
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Amidala66 Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 11/28/06 6:38pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	I am going to have to kiss my daughter a few extra times tonight while she is sleeping. That was so heart wrenching. If you continue it, please add me to the pm list since you are a phenomenal writer. -----signature----- I am Angel #2 of "Anakin's Angels" The Practical One It's baseball season: time for all good Jedi to use a bat and not a saber
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Kelli_LB Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 11/28/06 6:47pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	With Padmé gone, Anakin gave up all pretenses. He threw back his head and a soundless cry was ripped out of his throat. His fists clenched at his sides as he surged to his feet. He could feel the power that waited for him to claim it…dancing just beyond his grasp. It seemed to hiss a welcome, encouraging him to act now – before it was too late. Anakin closed his eyes and reached out – That was so chilling, and so sad. You really captured the helplessness felt by parents facing a child with a terminal illness, the need to believe that they can do something to save their children. In Anakin's case, that helplessness made is turn to the dark side; it's so sad. I wish this wasn't a vignette; I would love to see this continue. Anyway, great work! -----signature----- Winner of the 2007 Saga Fanfic Awards for Best Villain. The Legacy: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/248894 "I'm babbling on about galactic prostitution...and that's not why you're here! You're here for battle." --The Knudson Menace
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
HandmaidenVeme Registered: Jun '04	Date Posted: 11/28/06 9:35pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	Amidala66 posted: I am going to have to kiss my daughter a few extra times tonight while she is sleeping. I found myself doing the same thing. Amidala66 posted: That was so heart wrenching. If you continue it, please add me to the pm list since you are a phenomenal writer. I'm in total agreement, your fics are so full of life and though this one tore me to shreds and had me in in tears I would be most greatful if you can add me on your Pm list if you go any further with this. -----signature----- Angel #1 the "Mischievous" one "Anakin Skywalker's Towel Girl" Team Edward!
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
ROTSFan Registered: Jul '06	Date Posted: 11/29/06 12:29am Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	OMG, so sad....I really got a lump in my throat when I realized the finality of Leia's death. Somehow I thought she might pull through it! I hope Padme and Luke can be the strength he needs. The dark side or the light side can't be used to unnaturally preserve life, and unfortunately that's something Anakin never understood. Please add me to your PM list. Thanx -----signature----- Fics in profile; ask me to unlock ~I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I hoped it would be." - Office Space
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
KELIA Title: Fan Fiction Moderator Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 11/29/06 1:09pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	Oh that was brutal. There's nothing more devestating than to watch your child die and not be able to do anything. It's not that much of a surprise Anakin finally fell to the darkside. Beautiful job on this -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
VA_Parky Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 11/29/06 1:19pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	This was amazing! Within a single post, you managed to make Anakin's turn believable and even MORE heartbreaking than it was in RotS! Loved every tear-filled moment. Can someone pass the tissues? sniffle This was absolutely beautiful! You are amazing - you handle every single genre with an expert hand. I am in awe! -----signature----- Currently on hiatus Awash in Broken Promises (RotS AU): http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23913704/p1/ Our 1st - Matthew - arrived 1/1/08
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
92SE-R Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 11/29/06 1:38pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	God, this killed me! I have a son myself, and I can't possibly imagine sitting there watching him die. The emotions in this were outstanding, and nearly had me crying at work. Great job! If you continue the story, PLEASE PM me. -----signature----- Rise of the New Empire (RotS AU) http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24072398 To the Edge of Night: Book 1 (sequel to Rise of the New Empire) http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/25584609
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Pyxelle Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 11/29/06 4:54pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst - Date Edited: 11/29/06 4:55pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Pyxelle
	cries ... cries some more ... Oh gods, VaderLVR, that was incredible! Anyone who is a parent (I have an 8 year old son) knows exactly how terrifying the idea of losing a child is...like a lot of others, I thought it was Padmé at first...my mouth dropped open and I got all teary when I realized it was Leia. And the end was chilling...but somehow, I feel a lot more sympathetic towards Anakin than I did in RotS, probably because the grief and guilt he feels due to Leia's death is based on something real, rather than lies...still doesn't excuse it but makes it infinitely more understandable. I loved this! Pyxelle -----signature----- "Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
-DarkScorpion- Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 11/29/06 5:32pm Subject: RE: Never Again - The Skywalker Family - Post RoTS AU, angst
	OUCH!! that has got to hurt losing a child like that. his emotions are so beutifully portrayed, i need to try to get better at that. This has a interesting start and i would like to be on the PM list. -DarkScorpion- -----signature----- I Proudly Ship Jacen/Jysella J/K L/M H/L and others i cant think of right now IRL Brother to TnTornado,Spyman290 and...... .... do you really wanna know???
	Post Reply \| Quote Reply \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History

Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 - ~~Previous~~ | Next | Reload

Jedi Council Forums » Fan Fiction » The Saga »