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Author	Topic: What the Heart Hides. Obi, Ani, Siri - drama, humor, comfort. Complete as of 090208.
Veloz Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 7/14 11:31am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	You do, eh. So does Jedidas3; so does Siri – she’s after some Obi-Wan. One or two readers, nope – not appropriate for any Jedi, let alone Obi-Wan. Some might get their wish – and some might not. Yeah yeah, and of course, u wont let us know who gets their wish yet Lovely lovely chapter i'm so glad that Siri found a way thru Obi-Wan's sttuborness only Siri can do that i'm afraid “When you’re thinking straight, Kenobi.” Siri met his frustration with her own. “I bet I’m right, aren’t I? What exact reason did they give you for denying your resignation?” “The same as you, I’m not thinking straight.” Bitterness had him hunching his shoulders. “’Reconsider you will, once face this you do.’ I thought of borrowing that stick of his and using it – except I didn’t know who to use it on. I face reality every – damn – time I lose my temper, or nearly do. Four days ago I’m told two day before that I was hysterical and babbling about stained hands and hurting people. Two days ago I’m confessing I’m trying to kill myself in my dreams. It seems obvious to me - I’m not fit to be on the Council, perhaps, even to be a Jedi.” poor Obi, but indeed, he isnt thinking straight so they're all right “I swear I’d follow you into the Force and kill you myself if you let yourself waste away. You want to wallow in how bad you feel – fine. Wallow alone, then, I refuse to be a party to it.” this really made me laugh, wonderful She took another step forward and heard a broken murmur behind her: “Siri – please, forgive me.” Damn him. No one else could evoke so many emotions in her in less than one minute. Snarling to herself, she stalked off. Of all the stubborn men in the galaxy, she had to love the most infuriating one. Obi-Wan just had to try to heal alone – and her heart softened. Alone, other than Alpha, alone with his pain and his anger, alone, with his suffering and fear. Alone – the man didn’t know how to ask for help, for help too often hadn’t been there for him. Awwww His eyes opened and he stared at her. The raw pain in his eyes twisted her heart as he extended a trembling hand to her, reaching out. “I can’t do this – not alone. Please… help me.” Such a simple plea, such a heartfelt one. Spoken so softly – and naked in its need. “Kenobi – you stubborn, aggravating idiot!” She crossed to him and hugged him before her heart shattered into a million pieces, hugged him before she shook whatever he had of the Force out of him. “Force tell me, why do I love you?” He cleared his throat, unshed tears glistening in the back of his eyes. “Because you love pathetic life forms as much as Qui-Gon Jinn did?” This was perfect Obi-Wan and Siri right there, amazing job “I don’t deserve you.” “You deserve better,” Siri said in all seriousness, patting his hand. “I’ve been a bit of a mess, and will probably be for some time.” “Not your fault, Kenobi. That woman messed you up; this woman will help you to recover.” “You’ll have to have patience with me, not one of your strong suits, you must agree.” “Not normally, no. But for the man I love – don’t shhh, me, Kenobi – I happen to know your padawan isn’t here – I’ll make a valiant effort. All I ask in return is that you try to admit your feelings, even if you have trouble expressing them.” “Coercion, Knight Tachi?” He crossed his arms over his chest, but his eyes were twinkling. “Blackmail, Master Kenobi. I refuse to be hurt by your words, so don’t try to drive me away. I won’t go. I won’t go.” Once again, simply perfect... i loved this! “So, are those nightmares still plaguing you, love? It’s easy to see you’re still not sleeping well; you’re not the prettiest Jedi I’ve seen recently. Maybe I should keep an eye on you at night as Anakin suggested - distract you, say – just the two of us…?” Obi-Wan blushed at her wink. “Siri, don’t joke about – that. It’s not – well, it’s not funny, not to me.” “It’s not happening, either, galaxy-crawler,” Siri drawled, in a parody of the Holonet cine that had become so popular lately that it had seeped into ordinary conversation. At Obi-Wan’s quizzical look, Siri remembered how the cine became the rage only recently, and explained. He looked less puzzled; he managed a grin finally. “Isn’t it enough to just be able to admit we love each other – and leave it at that? Just to say it to you makes me feel like I’m treading too close to a boundary I’ve always been cautioned never to step over.” “Yeah, Kenobi, it’s enough.” His hand reached out and clasped hers, fingers entwined and Siri smiled. Even this was a gift of the Force. i think Obi-Wan was thinking what i was thinking too Great job with this chapter ... good to see that we have nowhere to go but up. Poor Obi has been thru enough, it's time for things to start improving. Cant wait to see what u have in store **** and thanks a bunch for the pm... i really dont want to miss an update of this -----signature----- "Hello there!" "Remember the Force will be with you..always" - Obi Wan Kenobi, ANH "Who's the more foolish...the fool or the fool who follows him?"- Obi Wan Kenobi, ANH
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Romola1138 Registered: Oct '07	Date Posted: 7/14 12:12pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	I like how you show that Obi-Wan is in struggle with all his different emotions and that Siri doesn't know how to help him at first. It's a situation most people can relate to - either not knowing how and who to ask for help or not knowing how to (offer) help. P.S.: Siri rocks!
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charie Registered: Oct '07	Date Posted: 7/14 4:30pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	I'm so interested to find out how he will "face" these emotions now that Siri got him to see that he needs help. Your writing, as always, is spellbinding. I was sitting on the edge of my seat and then.......BAM....the chapter's over! More soon please!
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dianethx Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 7/14 5:17pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	At least she was able to get him to accept that he needed help! Stubborn gundark. I liked how they are both so strong and yet so good for each other. Siri needs to be more understanding now but knowing her, she's likely to still be prickles. But then again it might be good for Obi-Wan. “You need to face – this – it’s eating you because you are reliving this, not facing and releasing it, you damn fool.” “I’ll never get over it if I keep reliving it!’ he snapped back. “Stop trying to fix me, okay? I can’t be fixed, not that easily and not on your schedule.” “Then on whose schedule? You won’t talk to Cielan; you won’t talk to Bant or me. When will you face what happened, so you can get beyond it – when you’re at death’s door because you’re not taking care of yourself?” Good for her! Great job. Loved it. -----signature----- Betrayal - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143 updated 9/22/08 Fragments of Illusion- http://boards.theforce.net/bts/b10475/28456473 updated 8/16/08 Freeze frame - http://boards.theforce.net/s/b10476/27820434 Master to jedidas3 Impeach Bush!
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ObiWans_Gurl86 Registered: Nov '06	Date Posted: 7/14 6:52pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	Wow that was a great sequence between siri and obiwan. Very emotional, that was a great post. Can't wait for more. -----signature----- ObiWans_Gurl86 Obi Wan is the best Jedi Ever!!!! "The meaning of life is change."-Obi Wan Kenobi "Do or do not there is no try."-Yoda "Patience exists to be tested."- Count Dooku
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obsessedwithSW Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 7/16 8:07am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	I can live with that, even if I do hope for more, Siri thought privately Maybe Siri can but I cant! I want more! -----signature----- Yes Darth Maul -bring sexy back! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW8kOYvwVng Avid SiriWaner ! Stories in Bio
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Magier Registered: Jul '07	Date Posted: 7/16 11:14am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	As much as it shook him, Obi-Wan needed that. He needed to finally admit that he can't do this on his own. Poor guy just needs to let it all out. It is festering up inside him. I loved that he tried to resign from the Council and that they wouldn't let him. He will sooner or later realize that everyone really does want him to get better even if they seem like they are tormenting him right now. -----signature----- No Legacy So Rich : Xan,OC, Obi, Qui (9/28) Seekers, Not Saints: SW/TB crossover (8/12)
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Cole_Kenobi Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 7/16 12:14pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	Aww, Siri is so good for Obi-wan and I think she knows it. Ahah. I their amazing honesty and bluntness mixed with humor and their love. Amazing writing. Enjoyed reading it. Sorry for not replying lately. Thank you for the PM.
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Valairy_Scot Title: PT Rewrite Winner Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 7/16 12:53pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	Just bumping (sorry) but I have this burning desire to be post 1000 - next post! I'll add my individual responses to that post tonight, but since this is near the top of the boards, I'm not bumping anyone else down. -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. Proud master of several padawans
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Valairy_Scot Title: PT Rewrite Winner Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 7/16 12:55pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms! - Date Edited: 7/16 5:45pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Valairy_Scot
	1000th post! First ever! But to make the post worthwhile, here's responses including to the post past this: Lolly_Tolly: This sort of applies to the last chapter but I have a random theory about Obi-Wan killing himself at different ages in his dreams. Are the Obi-Wans he's killing from different points in his life where he felt extreme negative emotion that has now resurfaced because of the abuse he recieved at Ventress' hand? Or am I reading too deep, and should shut-up? Please, never shut up…speculate away. If I didn’t know the scenario, you’d be a life saver. Sometimes the best plot points come from speculation. Jedidas3: Go Siri! Now, if Obi will just keep listening! He’s gotten the point – finally. Strangely enough, now that he’s pressing forward, she’s backpedaling some. IMHO I think she’s afraid she got lucky and almost pushed Obi-Wan waaaaay too hard. earlybird-obi-wan:They’ll have forever…. Raptor517: I thought she was going to have to take a bat to Obi's cranium for a moment . Almost! Veloz: Yeah yeah, and of course, u wont let us know who gets their wish yet Well, of course not – I want to see which potential version gets me stoned and which doesn’t…and believe me, I can plausibly go in two opposite directions the way I’ve set it up, so no matter what you may think – you may be wrong. ... good to see that we have nowhere to go but up. Poor Obi has been thru enough, it's time for things to start improving. He’s going from one woman’s trouble (Ventress) to another (Siri)…. romola1138 like how you show that Obi-Wan is in struggle with all his different emotions and that Siri doesn't know how to help him at first. It's a situation most people can relate to - either not knowing how and who to ask for help or not knowing how to (offer) help. Just wait – Siri will really think she’s in over her head fairly shortly (a few more chapters – she gets Obi’s tongue loosened up and fears what she’s gotten herself into). Charie: I'm so interested to find out how he will "face" these emotions now that Siri got him to see that he needs help. We start with the next chapter.... Dianethx: I liked how they are both so strong and yet so good for each other. Siri needs to be more understanding now but knowing her, she's likely to still be prickles. But then again it might be good for Obi-Wan. Aw, I think they’re Ying and Yang – one gets strong the other backs off and vice versa. Obi waffles, Siri smacks sense into him. Obi gets sense, Siri backs off. ObiWans_Gurl86 Wow that was a great sequence between siri and obiwan. Very emotional. They have their emotional moments in many of the upcoming chapters – from quiet moments of intimacy (not THAT KIND!) to more angsty-ones. obsessedwithSW Maybe Siri can but I cant! I want more! There is no passion; there is serenity – oh, what the heck – it’s Obi. Bring on the Obi! Magier: As much as it shook him, Obi-Wan needed that. He needed to finally admit that he can't do this on his own. Poor guy just needs to let it all out. It is festering up inside him. Not for much longer, now. Siri has finally got thru to him and he’s going to be moving forward now. I loved that he tried to resign from the Council and that they wouldn't let him. He will sooner or later realize that everyone really does want him to get better even if they seem like they are tormenting him right now. The resignation was Jedidas3’s idea after we were kicking around some scenarios – take a bow, Patricia! Of course everyone is tormenting Obi – somehow they’ve got to get thru to him. Cole_Kenobi Aww, Siri is so good for Obi-wan and I think she knows it. Ahah. I their amazing honesty and bluntness mixed with humor and their love. Amazing writing. Obi needed that blunt honesty – he’d be the first to admit it when he’s “semi-normal.” The point is he’s been traumatized and he’s not “normal” and it took that blunt honesty to make him take a good long look at himself. Smoke20ts: I think you did an incredible job with the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Siri. It was very easy to see these two in this situation -- one needing help and too stubborn to ask and one wanting to help but not sure how best to give it. This was both a painful and beautiful chapter. . I’m glad it came across that way – Obi is – understandably – acting out. If he didn’t, I’d be very worried about him, but he couldn’t be allowed to act out for long because in the long run it’s not healthy. It's not pure stubbornness though - the guy doesn't know how to ask for help, either. He's always been the one to help, not take the help. -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. Proud master of several padawans
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smoke20ts Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 7/16 1:19pm Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	Wonderful chapter! I think you did an incredible job with the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Siri. It was very easy to see these two in this situation -- one needing help and too stubborn to ask and one wanting to help but not sure how best to give it. This was both a painful and beautiful chapter. Well done!
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Gkilkenny Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 7/17 3:50am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0714. Siri's smackdown works! Thanks for noms!
	I love reading about Obi-Wans fight back to sanity, and Siri has finally told him how much she cares. “I – I…,” he swallowed and nodded. “I thought I was going to – fall apart - when I thought you were leaving. I don’t think I can do this, alone, but I don’t know how to – to ask or even how to begin. I’ve always had the Force before.” You have written his bottom of the barrel episode brilliantly, and there is no where to go except up and right into Siri's arms Great writing -----signature----- Padawan to p_stotts Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear. Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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Valairy_Scot Title: PT Rewrite Winner Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 7/19 12:11am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0719. Obi's on the path to recovery & sparks fl
	Responses to prior readers’ responses are a couple of posts back – page 40, including smoke20ts. Gkilkenny: Siri has finally told him how much she cares. Really – you don’t think she already has? …there is no where to go except up and right into Siri's arms That's, um, what Siri is hoping... And Veloz: here's your chance for Siri to "see more...." Note: Thanks again to whomever nommed and voted for this story to qualify – whatever the outcome, the outcome is less important than the fact that I have such giving and loyal readers. In that sense, I can’t lose…thank you all. Let’s see if the developing romance gets me a nom for Romance next year – yup, a lot of romancin’ is coming up. Let’s see, some gratuitous bodice-ripping, perhaps… yeah, think that’ll do it? Thank you all for pushing me to this level – and keep pushing, please. You might make a “real author” out of this writer, yet. Chapter 57. Revelations in the Mirror I’m ready…I am responsible for my own behavior, and from this day forth, I start to face my own demons, for if I don’t control them – they control me. Obi-Wan woke to a new day, with new resolve. He hadn’t even realized how badly he had been damaged until Siri confronted him and made him see that he wasn’t the Jedi he had been because he wasn’t taking that step to reclaim himself – to take a step forward he had to take a step back – to there. He had been letting Ventress win and the darkness find in him an unworthy opponent – he fought against what they wanted from him rather than for what he wanted for himself. He had abdicated that battle to the Force. He had relied on – waited for – the Force to make him whole. Without the Force at his side, he hadn’t even attempted to find healing. The Force was his ally, not his caretaker. So while he had indeed needed the strength that the Force gave him, in its absence he had only hid from himself and from those who could step into its place. He hadn’t been asking for the help that he needed, and in that lack, was failing not just himself, but his friends, his colleagues, and his padawan. How could Anakin accept his help when he needed it, if he didn’t set the example and ask for the help he needed? He didn’t want to stay where he had been, but he hadn’t been moving forward because – he wasn’t letting the past go. By avoiding it, he had only tightened the chains binding him. He was the obstacle to his own healing. He knew that now, but he didn’t know how to surmount that obstacle. He only knew that the nightmare was not over because he didn’t allow it to be. He didn’t give it conscious voice, so it took his unconscious voice. He was allowing Ventress to win, by trying to avoid the memories and thus becoming consumed by them. The obstacle to his recovery was his refusal to face what had happened, and to admit that the past was never past until he let it go. He had to let it go and that would mean: his fingers splayed over his face as he took a deep breath – he had to go back into the past to get past the past. The question was: how? Though he didn’t have that answer, he felt better for just knowing the question. Perhaps, just perhaps, knowing the question to ask was the start to healing. For the first time, hope, a wavering yet present, sense of hope threaded through him. So, lying in a soft, comfortable bed he tried to pull every blow and every twist of her vibroblade, every tainted morsel and every instrument from the mists of memory where he wished to keep it forever hidden and force himself to examine it in the light of day: face what he would rather forget so that he could accept it. But he couldn’t face it yet, not all of it. As soon as he tried, he trembled like a dying leaf in a wind, clinging to its twig-anchor to avoid the decay that came with the release of its tenuous hold. His anchor, as much as he hated to admit it, was avoidance. I’m scared… Obi-Wan finally admitted, if only to himself. I’m scared to look too deep. The realization pained him even as it freed him, for to admit it was to accept he would someday have to face it. Release could not come otherwise. I’m scared, he repeated to himself. Now that you’ve admitted it – how long are you going to let your fear control you? What if there is something within you worth fearing? Doesn’t a Jedi face and overcome his fears, his weaknesses? Are you so afraid that there’s nothing of value within yourself? Aren’t you the Jedi who says that all beings are made of contradictions and it is one’s choices of behavior that is important, not the obstacles within? So the man and the Jedi were now arguing with each other, and Obi-Wan Kenobi was caught in the middle. The absurdity of the situation was clear even to him. It was time to start listening to himself, to stop hiding from the fear - the truth - but to seek it instead. Such had always been his way. Avoidance only bred more fears. Avoidance had allowed his mind to recover from trauma, but not to overcome it, only to gain the strength to overcome it. Avoidance was perhaps a necessary step, but not a strategy for going forward, only one necessary to not lose ground – a tactic to buy time, not victory. Focus, wasn’t it was all a matter of focus? His eyes now saw the soft light through half-closed curtains, rather than the darkness that had tried to stain his soul. He knew the Force had not forsaken him, its absence not a recoiling from darkness but a lack of a stable connection to his midichlorians. He felt the Force more often now, could sometimes feel its peace steal through him, mind and body, washing away the memories of the times accessing it only stabbed deep, burned hot, again a friend, no longer an enemy. When he could not, he could wrap himself in the love and concern of those who cared for him and find strength to augment his own. His anchor would now have to be the Force and his friends, and if he could not fling himself into the currents of the Force, he could at least dip his toes within its waters. He could grasp onto the memory of Siri and her promise to face whatever he needed to face at his side. He wasn’t alone – though he be by himself, he wasn’t alone, for the Force, for Siri - stood with him in spirit. Siri, dear Siri - bless the Force for Siri. She had finally made him admit he needed help. He had nearly driven her away in his stubbornness, and with his inability to admit to needing help. Neille, Bant, and Cielan as well. They had expressed cautious optimism that they were on the track of explaining his intermittent Force connection and that there was a reason – and not just mental instability– that contributed to his emotional state. Yoda, Adi, Mace – they, too, had all adamantly refused to entertain the idea of his stepping down from Council, because they said they knew by his very struggles that he was capable of becoming the Jedi he had once been. Anakin – his padawan who had held him more than once when he woke trembling and shuddering from the dark pits that held his demons. He didn’t yet know the name of these demons or from whence they sprung; he knew only that in naming them he might disarm them. One step. That’s all it would take. One step forward. Perhaps a second, than a third. Waiting for him was the embrace of the Force, much as the crèche masters awaited a toddler’s first steps. He could not hide forever; now he found he did not wish to. Every journey started with just one step. One step. Waiting for him was Siri. One step. Waiting for him was his padawan. One step, just one. The length of the journey was not important, only that one started it and one continued until the journey was complete. One step. The start of healing came with recognition of the wounds. He was wounded in far more than body. He was wounded in his heart, his mind, and his soul. Wounded in his connection with the Force, for he had had to cast out to touch it, rather than it being there. Focus. Focus on the moment. Yes. Yes, it was time to stop fighting; it was time to start healing. Obi-Wan took another deep breath and blew out the pain and the horror, leaning into those-who-stood-with-him for support until he was able to stand on his own. With each slow breath, he breathed out memories and breathed in peace. As he reached for healing, he reached for that strength that was not the Force within himself, but within those who stood with him: he reached out to those who reached back. Siri was reaching out to him. So was Anakin. Even Yoda, Mace. Bant. As he had pulled from Ventress, he now pulled from their willing Force strength, binding it to him until he had the strength he needed. They were there and had always been, willing to join their strength to his, and the knowledge nearly sent Obi-Wan to his knees in shame that he had not been able to reach out to what was so freely offered. In the midst of parrying, Siri smiled and knew not why. In the midst of his journey home, Anakin smiled and thought it was memories of the night just past. In the midst of his meditations, Yoda only grunted and nodded as the Force’s currents brightened around him. It was a tenuous peace, at best, but it was a peace he would willingly accept in this moment. It was a promise of a peace he would find again, should it slip away from him. He would find it, and perhaps lose it, several times, but he would find it and one day it would not slip from him. Desire and determination were not enough to conquer everything all at once. He didn’t have to face everything, just one thing at a time until there was nothing left to face. So today, he decided, today he would start by looking in the mirror and then he would wash himself clean of the past. Though normally one who preferred showering at the end of a day, he would begin this day clean in body. He would focus on the warm wash of soapy water over skin that did not flinch at the touch and wash his hair with arms that no longer protested the range of motion. For the first time since his return, when he stepped into the fresher he raised his eyes to the mirror to see who was revealed. The sight that greeted him astounded him. Nights of interrupted sleep and weeks of deprivation were just as prominent as aboard the ship that had brought him home. Red-laced eyes peered from dark pits and the beard he was re-growing was too sparse yet to hide the faint scars still peeking through. As he had aboard the ship bringing him home, he stared at the bloodied and bruised skeleton that stared back at him. For a moment he was shocked; his time at the healers had not healed him in the slightest. Face it! Face yourself! The Force or his inner voice insisted, and he opened the eyes that wished to shut out the picture. Another man stood there, one regaining lost weight, scars replacing wounds, a somewhat healthy glow replacing the wan pallor of a man driven too deep into pain and suffering. See yourself as you are now! That was who you were – let him go. It wasn’t the face of the man who had left for Jabiim. Even so, the face was more familiar than it had been. The face of the Jedi he had been wove with the face of the man he been turned into and the one he would become again, neither one nor yet the other. A face in transition, the outward sign of the inner metamorphosis taking place: a process he had self-stalled in He reached for his strength, be it Force or friends, and let it guide him; let it still the trembling of his fingers as he shed his sleep clothes – and deliberately, consciously, faced the man in the looking glass. His fingers dropped to his chest and traced first one scar, then another, fingers nimbly moving and never resting, not allowing himself to dwell on the how each came to be, but how each had healed with time and careful care. It became almost a peaceful exercise, a mental exercise in visualization, a tracing of the path from pain to progress and from horror to healing. Reminders not of limitations, but of transcending the same, of enduring the unendurable. One’s focus determines one’s reality. As when transforming his grief at his master’s death into memories of the life they had shared, he had found the emptiness within him then replaced by memories of the mentor he had loved. One needed to let go to move forward. The greater the pain, the longer the process, attainment of peace an accumulation of many decisions and many small steps forwards despite the occasional steps backwards. This is Obi-Wan Kenobi who is now, not the Obi-Wan Kenobi who was. See what you were – and see who you are. See who you are becoming, as well. As he progressed, he unconsciously stood a bit taller, the weight of his wounds no longer weighing him down. When his questing fingers had transversed what it could reach, he awoke as if from a trance, blinked and looked at his body, and saw – really saw – what he now looked like, not what his memories showed him. The marks were still there, might always be, but unless one looked for them, they were not prominent. His skin had lost the translucent blueness, once angry red marks had now faded to white and were half lost under a dusting of fine hairs. Thin limbs with little strength left within them were gently curving under rebuilding muscles, and the dark shadows hovering just behind his eyes were all but gone. He dropped his eyes from the mirror and looked down at himself, the who he was, not the reflection of who he was. This was he; the true self. When he finished, Obi-Wan knew he was ready to take the next step forward. It would be a journey of many steps, but he had only to take one step to start. He had taken the first. The next would follow then one more after that. One day there would be no more steps forward to take and that journey would end. He had faced his outer reality – and left it behind. Now all that remained was to face his inner demons – and for that, he wasn’t quite ready. Not yet, but he knew that day was coming. One day he would take that step as well and for the first time since escaping Rattatak, he knew he would find himself. The path to healing lay before him and it was up to him to take each step. He had taken that first one and found – hope. Feeling comfortable at last in his own skin, he threw on a pair of pants and headed for the kitchen. Anakin’s door was open and the room empty. He wasn’t surprised, for Anakin had previously told him of an early morning errand that would no doubt have him leaving before Obi-Wan was up. He was glad that Anakin feel freer to come and go, though the young man was firm that he would always return to make sure that his master didn’t need him during the night. When Obi-Wan had started to protest, his padawan had merely grinned at him and offered ever so casually that he could ask other Jedi – Siri, for example – to keep an eye on him at night. “She cares for you, Master,” he said blithely. “I care, Bant cares, and Siri cares. Either one of them would be more than happy to take care of you.” Oh. To Anakin, Siri’s concern and affection were no different than Bant’s, or his own. His relief was short-lived, when Anakin added with a little cough. “Siri really cares for you, Master, more than a friend alone, I think, though I doubt she would ever admit it. I doubt she has ever admitted it to herself. I know you love her, too, almost as much as you love Bant, but be careful with her feelings, ok?” “I am exceedingly fond of you, as well, my padawan.” “I know,” Anakin ducked his head shyly at the words and grinned like a little boy who had been praised and wasn’t sure why. “I really know that now.” At Obi-Wan’s quizzical look, he merely shrugged his shoulders and offered half-ashamedly, “I sometimes doubted, but I realized I just wasn’t seeing it in the way I had expected to. It was always there, had I just had the eyes to see.” Obi-Wan reached out and fingered the braid, contrition in his eyes, regret for all the mistakes and errors in judgment he had made over the years. “I wish you had told me….” “I wish I had seen….” Anakin looked as guilt-ridden as Obi-Wan felt stricken. The two looked at each other, and then cleared their throats at the same time – agreeing silently there was no need to get maudlin over such a thing – after all, they were men and Jedi both. “Scamp.” Obi-Wan’s hand riffled through his padawan’s hair. “Master! Do you have a hair fixation or something? You’ll get the braid someday – but not today!” Holding his braid tightly, Anakin danced away and grinned. Still smiling at the memory, Obi-Wan reached for the pot of caf. He was up; of course he would be up. Anakin had assured her of that, so Siri wasn’t surprised when the door opened just a moment after the chime sounded. Obi-Wan stood between the kitchen and common room. He held a cup of caf and his gaze showed surprise and pleasure at seeing her. His other hand was still half raised in the wave that had opened the door. “Mornin’ Kenobi.” There was something – a peace – about him that had been long missing, such a welcome sight that she at first only focused on that. His hair was damp as if he’d just stepped recently out of the fresher; her eyes dropped and she glanced away, suddenly shy as never before at the sight of his bare chest. He had regained most of his lost weight and muscle; he looked healthy and – she had to admit – a sight that made her heart thump rather loudly. He really was a fine figure of a man. “Siri?” A blush covered his cheeks as he caught her embarrassment – and surge of emotions. “I wasn’t expecting anyone quite this early – I’ll be right back.” When he reappeared, he was fully dressed except for the slippers he wore. Siri had warmed his cup and poured one for herself; he sat down and reached for his cup as she started to hand it to him. Their fingers brushed, and both jumped a little. “Wow,” Siri said softly, acknowledging the moment. Obi-Wan glanced away, then at her and slowly smiled. “Wow,” he agreed, and the awkward moment passed as Obi-Wan took the cup from her, set it down and reached back, placing his hand over hers. Their fingers entwined, and they merely smiled, accepting the moment for what it was. He leaned forward suddenly and ever so lightly kissed her as her face rose to meet his, but it was a gentle kiss only, a mere acknowledgement of his feelings that she reciprocated. She easily sensed this was a moment not to push, only to accept what was so freely given. “Thank you,” he said as he sat back. “For what? Letting you kiss me?” She smiled, as did he, but he shook his head. “For what you’ve done for me, for all your support and understanding – and for loving me despite everything. This might not be the best moment to mention it, but because of you – I took a step forward today. I am facing– and I think I am learning to accept – what she did to me, at least here, outside,” he said abruptly, alluding to his half-dressed state when Siri came to visit. “Oh, Kenobi, I’m so glad. How do you feel?” “I – honestly? That I’ve faced one hurdle, and though it might be the easiest one to face, it gives me forward momentum. I’ve been damaged, I can see and admit that now, even if – even if there’s other damage I don’t want to face. Not yet.” “That’s a start.” “I want to kiss you, you know.” The words were abrupt, as if they couldn’t be contained any longer. A slow smile spread across Siri’s face, her manner as inviting as her words. “Then why don’t you? It’s not like you haven’t already – more than once, and not so very long ago, either.” Obi-Wan grinned and reddened. “That wasn’t the type of kiss I mean, that’s why. Because right now I’m weak and unable to fend you off - I don’t know where it would lead, and I’m far from ready to give in to or to resist your feminine wiles, though I will admit I – would want more, if I thought it was allowed. I’m not recovered and I’m not sure of many things. The only thing I know for sure is how I feel about you, and I know I’ve loved you for a long time. That’s about all I can deal with right now.” “Yoda did say listen to the Force and it will guide you right,” Siri said. “I think it wants us talking to each other, honestly, right now. Nothing more. I do love you, Obi-Wan.” “I love you, too, Siri.” His fingers found hers and wrapped around them. For now, this was enough. -----signature----- http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. Proud master of several padawans
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Darth_Nellie Registered: Jul '08	Date Posted: 7/19 2:42am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0719. Obi's on the path to recovery & sparks fl
	Time to finally delurk and say how much I'm enjoying this wonderful (but at times heart wrenching story). I absolutely adored this latest chapter and hope that our Obi is finally on the road to recovery.
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Gkilkenny Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 7/19 4:58am Subject: RE: What the Heart Hides. Drama, h/c. Siriwan, Ani. 0719. Obi's on the path to recovery & sparks fl - Date Edited: 7/19 4:59am (1 edits total) Edited By: Gkilkenny
	Oh Yes, Oh yes. Obi-Wan grinned and reddened. “That wasn’t the type of kiss I mean, that’s why. Because right now I’m weak and unable to fend you off - I don’t know where it would lead, and I’m far from ready to give in to or to resist your feminine wiles, though I will admit I – would want more, if I thought it was allowed. I’m not recovered and I’m not sure of many things. The only thing I know for sure is how I feel about you, and I know I’ve loved you for a long time. That’s about all I can deal with right now.” “Yoda did say listen to the Force and it will guide you right,” Siri said. “I think it wants us talking to each other, honestly, right now. Nothing more. I do love you, Obi-Wan.” “I love you, too, Siri.” His fingers found hers and wrapped around them. The sparks are flying now, do you see the fireworks Uh! Do you see them. They are brilliant, and sparkling. Siri has admitted it, and so has Obi-Wan. Yahooo The sun is shining, on your story. -----signature----- Padawan to p_stotts Peace over anger - honour over hate - Strength over fear. Links to Stories in my Bio. Obi-Wan forever.
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