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Author	Topic: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Complete (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 2/24/07 8:26pm Subject: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Complete (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure) - Date Edited: 8/3/07 6:45pm (15 edits total) Edited By: Luton_Plunder
	Title: "The User - Episode 1:2 'Premeditated'" Timeframe: About 2 years before ANH Characters: OC's Genre: Action/Adventure Summary: Special Investigations (SIn) must find a kidnapped girl with the aid of a man who claims to have seen the future. But will his unique brand of help make things easier, or much harder for the detectives? Disclaimer: I don't own star wars and wont ever make any money off of this story, ever, ever. Love ya, George. Welcome to the second episode in the series! I would like to point out to new readers that this story will be complete in itself, though reading the story that preceeds it will fill in the back-references that pop up from time to time. You can find the first episode right here: The User - Episode 1:1 So, after several frustrating re-writes and changes, let the posting begin! Major Characters: Click thumbnail for full size Tadgh Maitland - CorSec Detective with Special Investigations (SIn) Jeanice "Keys" Keyston - CorSec Detective with Special Investigations (SIn) Taban Maitland - Director (and sole employee) of CorSec Droids & Data division - Brother of Tadgh Maitland Iqbal 'Despot' Despotov - Director of CorSec Special Investigations (SIn) The Mystic - A vagrant who claims he can see the future. MAJOR Spoiler alert for Episode 1. Highlight to read only if you have no intention of reading it, like, ever Previously on The User... Detective Tadgh Maitland was charged with solving an impossible murder case - three Imperial officers burned to death, with no way of telling who did it. His brother Taban provided the only lead - a holo recording of the three men and the murder suspect having dinner. The only problem was...the suspect was invisible to holocam. An Imperial Investigator, Bastian, was assigned to aid in tracking down the killer of the three officers. During the course of the investigation she revealed to Tadgh that she knew his father, Jericho, and that he was a great Jedi Knight. Tadgh mistook her interest in him for a prior friendship and dismissed it. He traced several other cases in which murder suspects were invisible to holocam, while Taban got a lead on the invisible woman using a secret droid network known as the CDN. He was knocked out in the pursuit however, and the suspect escaped. When he later went to drown his sorrows, he was knocked out (again) and kidnapped by Bastian - who, as it turns out, was the invisible woman all along. She was also working for Darth Vader to eliminate the force users of the galaxy. Tadgh forced her into a final confrontation inside an Imperial outpost. She revealed she was a Hand of the Emperor, and was channeling the dark side of the Force. He realised that the only reason she had been interested in their father was because she suspected their lineage had granted them force abilities, and that they needed to be eliminated. It hadn't - but Bastian could not be reasoned with. Tadgh was forced to kill her. With Taban rescued, Tadgh felt that the immediate danger had passed but accepted that he had angered some powerful people, and that they would have to watch their step from now on. Prologue (Pre-Credits) The last day of Tennet McMahon's life began in an utterly average way. So average, in fact, that the notion he would be dead in less than an hour hadn't even occurred to him. If he'd known this was the case, the morning would have panned out differently. Perhaps he wouldn't have spent so much time bathing and looking at himself in a mirror, and instead spent that time looking at his beautiful wife. He would definitely have made time to say goodbye properly on his way to work instead of rushing through the front door as quickly as his legs could carry him. "See you tonight, hon," was all he'd managed. "What, no kiss goodbye?" "Two kisses hello tonight, I promise," he'd yelled back, gripping his briefcase and hastening down the road. He walked to work these days - a decision he'd told everyone was to cut down on fuel costs, but which everyone knew was to try and lose the extra weight he'd been carrying around lately. It was so routine to him now that he had memorised the order of landmarks and how many minutes it took to walk between them. One of those landmarks was a man. He was well known around Correalis, and called himself The Mystic. A remarkable person, truth be known - probably one of the only homeless men allowed to walk the streets without fear of being relocated. He fancied himself a psychic and, for whatever reason, the locals had found it quirky to keep their own personal street magician around. Perhaps it was prove that they had a sense of humour. Tennet approached him now. "Ladies and Gentlemen, what have you got to lose!" he was busy announcing, his showman's voice belying his vagabond looks. "One credit is all it takes! Predictions, accurate, or your money back!" He kicked a top hat at his right foot and it jingled. For all the times Tennet had seen him, the hat had always been on the ground. It was clearly part of the ensemble he wore however - the grey tailcoat, dress pants and vest were perfectly matched. "Good morning, Tennet," The Mystic said, taking pains to make sure their eyes didn't meet. That was odd - the powerful gaze of the street vagrant was generally something he liked to employ whenever he could. "No services today." Tennet smiled awkwardly, attempting to search out his eyes. "You ought to know that, you're the psychic," he said, trying his best to be witty. The Mystic kept his eyes on the ground, but managed a humourless laugh. "It was, of course, a statement. You wont be needing any services today," he said. There was something off about his voice. There was none of the usual pep and excitement. He was almost...upset. Depressed, maybe. If Tennet hadn't been in a hurry, and if he felt more camaraderie for his fellow man, he might have asked why. But as it was he needed to keep moving. He accepted the fact that the Mystic wasn't in a talkative mood - a blessing, considering how annoying he could be when he wouldn't shut up - and continued on his way. "I'm sorry," the Mystic's voice called after him. Tennet halted. Curiosity had finally gotten the better of him. He turned around and found the Mystic's gaze. His eyes were strangely hollow. "Something wrong today, Mystic? No jibes, no witty comments on the absurdity of working life?" Another humourless laugh. "It doesn't seem appropriate today," he said with some amount of distance in his voice. "And like I said, I am sorry," he lowered his eyes once more. Tennet, ragingly intrigued, pressed on. "Sorry for what?" "Your death," the Mystic answered. If there had been some kind of break between his question and the answer, Tennet might not have been so absolutely appalled by it. A breath, a contemplative pause, absolutely anything other than a cold statement of fact. "Excuse me?" he asked, not sure how to react. "In about fifty-odd seconds," the Mystic continued, "you get hit by a hover tram. Though, if it is any consolation, your death leads to some beneficial safety reforms for the entire public transport system." Tennet's eyelids contracted. "If this is a joke," he said in a barely restrained voice, "it's about as far from funny as I've ever heard." "Believe me, I wish it weren't true," the Mystic responded. "But I do not get a choice in the matter. I just re-tell the things that I see." Tennet was inexplicably angry. He'd never put any stock in the lunacy of the Mystic before, and nor did he now - but to be confronted by something as personal as his own death was enough to sour his mood entirely. A thousand rebukes ran through his head, all of which he'd loved to have hurled at the Mystic had he not been so incensed. The whispering voice of logic in his mind, however, told him that any argument with this man would be pointless. His prediction was nothing but a sick joke, and chastising him would be playing right into his hands. Instead, he waved a dismissive hand and continued on his way, his pace quickening to put as much distance between them as possible. Phrases like 'crazy old kook' and 'how dare he' swirled in his mind, even as he tried his hardest to put the whole incident behind him. But it was too hard, and he couldn't help himself. He stopped as he reached the roadside, and turned back to face the Mystic. "You know what you are?" he called to the man in the top-hat. "You're nothing but a lonely old vagrant. You can take your magic act and stick it right up your-" The final word of his sentence was lost in the sound of a blaring horn. The last thing that Tennet McMahon saw before he was killed was the shining, dented fender of a large passenger tram hurtling toward him. It was travelling too close to the pathway, he reflected in a detached kind of way. The Mystic, looking on from some metres away, closed his eyes at precisely the right second to avoid the inevitable mess. Tennet's mind wandered to the final thought it would ever process. Strangely, he didn't think of his wife or children. He didn't think of all the friends he would be leaving behind. He didn't even lament his unfinished business or regret all the achievements he would never fulfil. It was much more depressing than any of those thoughts put together. It was the terrible realisation that, though he had refused to listen or act upon it, The Mystic had been right all along. As a final note - can someone let me know if the images up top are too much? They might make load times hellish for those without cable internet. I'll remove them if feedback is generally negative Thanks alot, guys! Enjoy. -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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The_Face Title: Ex-Manager Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 2/25/07 12:46pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Ooooh, it's up! And looking just as fascinating as ever. The pictures didn't really cause much of a problem for my dial-up, since I could read the update while they loaded, though I couldn't see Keys until I looked at the post in "Show Last 5 Replies." And by the by, they do look really cool. What is the credit sequence like for The User? Should I imagine the scream from "Won't Get Fooled Again", or perhaps the opening guitar strings of "The Ballad of Serenity"? Titles blasting into space to the brassy tunes of John Williams? These openings really do feel like those TV teasers, as you intend. Excellent prologue anyway, really did a good job getting us into this average joe's head and killing him off with a suitably spooky and suspicious end, with the full knowledge that this will not be an easy case for our gang to solve. The Mystic is an intriguing character already. Very non-traditional, eccentric kind of guy, which I like. Do we trust him? Is he good, bad, crazy, evil? Where did he get that sweet hat? I'm looking forward to some answers, and, I'm sure, some more intrigue. If you'll be sending PM updates, I'd love to be on that list. If not, I'll just have to keep an eye on this thread. Great start, LP! -----signature----- "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." - E.L. Doctorow
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VA_Parky Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 2/25/07 1:33pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Luton! Oh, I was thrilled beyond belief to get your PM! It's great to see you back here with a continuation to the wonderful tale I enjoyed so much. You just made the end of my weekend much, much brighter! And what a start it was! Loved your OC character here - and The Mystic is so fascinating. I loved your descriptions of him as a character and hope that we see more of him in the future. What an interesting twist he brings to the story! I can't wait to see what Tadgh and Taban think of him. Should be quite a conversation, I'd imagine! Am I right to assume that this was no accident? Wonder what our friend, Tennet, might have done that would make him a target? Guess I'll just have to be patient and see how everything unfolds. You know I'm going to be here through it all! I CAN'T WAIT. I absolutely love your writing and am so glad that we're back in action. Please, please keep me on the PM list. I don't want to miss a moment. This story is shaping up to be just as great as the previous one. P.S. I LOVE the illustrations - did you do that? Amazing!!!!!! -----signature----- Currently on hiatus Awash in Broken Promises (RotS AU): http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23913704/p1/ Our 1st - Matthew - arrived 1/1/08
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Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 2/25/07 7:10pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Face - First and foremost, thanks for getting on board with the second episode! I'm glad the character avatars look suitably cool The opening credits, believe it or not, I already have mapped out in a kind of in-my-head way If you can find a piece of music called 'Initiation' by Tommy Emmanuel, that's the theme song without question. Its kind of an atmospheric guitar-only piece with brilliant reverd effects all the way through. Perfect for playing over images of detectives hunting bad guys And it is most excellent that the Mystic is an enigma already - I believe he'll remain that way through alot of the fic Consider yourself on the PM list! Expect the usual sprinkle of questionable humour in them Parky - Hey! It's great to see you back for more Maitland-related adventure I can definitely promise more of the Mystic - and plenty of reaction from Tadgh and Taban to him As for whether or not this was an accident, well, that will be explored more fully as the fic unfolds - but it may not be as sinister as you think PM's definitely coming your way - I'll try to keep puns to a minimum, but no promises Oh and yes, I did do the artwork for the characters I'm glad they're going down well! Plus it helps new readers get familiar with the characters straight away, hehe. Thanks both of you! I've got a posting plan I'm going to try and stick to, so hopefully everything will run nice and smoothly. Hope to see you shortly, LP -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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Rau_Fang Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/3/07 12:46am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	I really enjoy your Mystic character and the suspicion he stirs up in my mind. I love the suddenness of the average-joe's death. How you created a sense of mystery from the very first sentence, when you knew that someone was going to be killed. I haven't read your first episode, but will find the time soon enough. I would enjoy a PM so I can keep up with this... Thanks! -----signature----- Get with the OC Revolution, Holmes! Don't check the Profile... my fics couldn't possibly be there... Negachlorian - http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30251128/p1/?0
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brodiew Registered: Oct '05	Date Posted: 3/3/07 2:44pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure) - Date Edited: 3/3/07 2:50pm (2 edits total) Edited By: brodiew
	Great lead in, Luton. We now hav a body...and a mysteriously intriguing seer. I'm no huge reader of OC fiction, but after 'Devil', I'm on board with whatever you write. This CorSec investigative team, with wily brother in tow, should prover very interesting. The Mystic is an interesting, character, but really on a side character in this opening. Tennet is the focus. I wonder what his life will reveal, or even if his death is central to the story. This opening certainly seems to imply that Mystic is the real thing. I'll be following this one and hope you will ad me to a PM list if there is one. Now, I'm off the read 'User' Episode One, so that I will be completely informed. I'm glad I found you. You are a talented writer. p.s. I love the art work! If you know your comic book artisits, it reminds me of a crose between Tim Sale and David Mazzuchelli. Who is the picture of Tagdh? Taban? Mystic? The others, I know. -----signature----- “You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short.”
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Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 3/4/07 2:09am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure) - Date Edited: 3/4/07 3:54am (2 edits total) Edited By: Luton_Plunder
	New Readers Excellent! Rau_Fang: Great to see you here - I'm glad that The Mystic is intriguing to you, hopefully he will remain that way through most of the story This pre-sequence is quite far removed from what the story is about, so hopefully the meat of the narrative will be to your liking also. Thanks so much for reading - consider yourself on the PM list! brodiew - Thanks so much for stopping in Especially since you aren't usually an OC reader. I'll endeavour to make the experience as Star-Warsy as possible As for the Mystic, I'm glad that he's made an impact already - the opening was meant to imply exactly what you took away from it He's an important character even through he recieves less screen time than I originally planned. And thank you so much for your compliments and your desire to read episode 1 Do let me know what you thought of that one, too - it was my first attempt at a Star Wars story so I hope it's as enjoyable as some of my other posts here As for artwork, the face models are as follows! Tadgh - Michael Beihn (Aliens, Terminator 1, every other awesome sci fi movie from the 80s) Keys - Claire Danes (mostly I know her from terminator 3) Taban - Little known actor Jeffrey Licon (Brothers Garcia, Mysterious Skin) Despot - Samuel L Jackson. You know him, you love him. The Mystic - Buried under a top hat, that is Al Pacino (too many great movies to list) Thanks for reading, brodiew! Consider yourself also on the PM list Now, on with the update - the credits have played, everyone's got a cup of coffee, we're set for an evening's entertainment! Author's Note - 'Commander Despot' from Episode One has been changed to 'Director Despot' to make CorSec sound less like the military. That never sat well with me in the first episode. Chapter One "Keyston," Director Despotov said without inflection, "come in." Detective Jeanice Keyston entered the largest office in the Special Investigations unit and stood by the desk of her superior, who looked to be in a grim mood. That wasn't unusual - his last name wasn't the only reason he was referred to as 'Despot'. And given the circumstances today, he wouldn't have to work hard to live up to that name. She'd read the holonet news that morning and had a fair inkling of what this meeting would be about. "Sit down," Despot ordered. She did. "And brace yourself." What a wonderful way to begin, she thought as she took out her datapad. Ready to take as many notes and directives as he threw at her, she crossed her legs and gave him her full attention. His eyes were fixed firmly on a console screen in front of him, most likely reading a feed from CorSec Head Office. "You, being who you are, have already guessed why you're here?" he asked. Keys let a smile tweak her mouth. "You want me to find the daughter of Giselle Heartstring?" she answered, making it appear as a question for the sake of courtesy. Despot nodded and sighed. "You heard, then." "The whole city heard," Keys confirmed. "They woke up and found the news being read by someone else. Heartstring hasn't missed a day of work for the last ten years. The rival networks have made sure everyone knows why she isn't reading the headlines this morning. Today she is one." "And yet her daughter was the one kidnapped. Funny," Despot said. "So you know the public profile on this one is enormous. Famous news anchor, kidnapped daughter - people are interested. I think that Heartstring is running an emotional appeal to the kidnappers for the return of her daughter right now on 3-COR. CorSec Patrol's idea, obviously." Keys made a quick note on her datapad. If Patrol were handling the majority of the casework so far, that meant she'd either be assigned as a support role or she'd be working independently of them. Though Despot hadn't officially given her any useable information yet, she went ahead and made comprehensive notes on their conversation anyway. Sometimes it was the little things, initial reactions and impressions, that became important later. "CorSec Patrol are already working this one?" she asked, quickly scribbling it down. "Will I be working as support, in parallel or as a shadow?" "At this stage, shadow," Despot confirmed. "Patrol are doing a decent job of the crime scene which has yielded little in the way of evidence anyway. They're also handling Heartstring's publicity campaign, which is something that we'll be staying away from at all costs. You are to investigate this kidnapping, but take all the avenues that Patrol don't go down." It wasn't an unusual order for the Special Investigations unit. They were specifically set up to tackle the most difficult of crimes - the detectives in the unit were the most well-connected and resourceful officers that CorSec had to offer. They complimented CorSec Patrol quite well, usually attacking a problem from the opposite angle thanks to their different police cultures. SIn generally acted as a failsafe for Patrol - chasing up all the leads that Patrol either couldn't or wouldn't. It was an effective relationship. If history was anything to go by, the daughter of Giselle Heartstring would be recovered by tomorrow morning. "What have patrol turned up from the crime scene?" Keys asked. "Very little, as I said. Entry was forced. No forensic evidence to speak of. No witnesses. No surveillance recordings. Just a missing girl, a broken lock, and..." he trailed off as he turned his console screen toward her. "One hand-written note," he finished. On the screen was a jagged-looking piece of flimsiplast that had been inscribed with crude handwriting. It wasn't very clear but still legible for the most part. Keys kept writing annotations as she read through the ransom note. The Heartstring child is ours now. We do not want credits. We do not want political power. Any offer of these will be met with the death of the child. We know who you work for, Giselle Heartstring. We know what your agenda is. We demand that you reveal this conspiracy to the public immediately. When you have done so, your child will be returned to you unharmed. You have 25 hours. We are watching. Keys whistled. "Intense stuff." Despot nodded. "The kidnappers impaled the kid's doll with a kitchen knife and stuck it to the front door. They found this note in the doll's hand. I'd say intense, yes." He reclined and took a sip of caf, taking a moment to rub his eyes. He must have been called in early. "They broke in while Heartstring was asleep in the next room, so they're also brazen." "My favourite combination." "We've run a full analysis on the ink used to write the note, too. It's traceable," Despot added in what sounded like an afterthought. "So whether or not it helps, find the stylus and you've found the kidnapper." "This is just a guess," She said skeptically, brushing past the last point, "but she's denying any knowledge of the kidnappers accusations? This conspiracy she's allegedly involved in?" Despot snorted. "Of course - and I think it's a bit much to hope that a planet-wide conspiracy actually exists." "Damn. I love conspiracies," she answered. "Don't we all," Despot concurred. "But you can make do. We've got a ticking clock here to rival any holodrama. This note was left three hours ago, which means you've got exactly 22 hours to find Heartstring's daughter before she is killed. If that happens, it'll mean weeks of tribute programs and sappy one-hour specials. These will in turn probably replace Division 29 for this week, which is my favourite show. You do not want to know me on the week that I miss Division 29." "Understood sir, and can I say I admire your convolution," she said. "Thankyou," he answered, possibly not having understood the definition of 'convolution'. "There's an intel file compiled by Patrol that ought to have been wired to your workstation by now. Review it, pursue it, you know the rest." Solve it, Keys completed the sequence to herself. "Straight away, Director." Before she stood to leave, she glanced down at the initial impressions she'd written on her datapad. Most of it was stream of consciousness stuff, but she saw enough repetitive patterns to draw some early conclusions. An organization was behind the kidnapping, not just a single perpetrator. They were most likely a non-human species that didn't leave a great deal in the way of forensic identifiers, given that they left next to no forensic traces. They were probably very active on the holonet given their unwillingness to leave an electronic ransom note of any kind, which were generally very easily traceable. And with talk of agendas and conspiracies, they probably felt they had been wronged in some way by Heartstring in particular, or the network she represented. The Bloodscales, Tri-continuum, The Scepters, XenoTerminus - could be any of dozens of Corellian-based alien radical groups, she thought to herself. She made a mental note to check the recent history of Heartstring's news reports and see if any of them in particular had been demonised or attacked. "And Keyston?" Despot added, leaning forward. His voice was lowered. "Keep this one away from Maitland." Keys threw a narrow-eyed glance over her shoulder as though Tadgh Maitland might have been standing there himself. Through the office window she could see him sitting at his workstation, tapping busily at a datafeed. She turned back to her Director and eyed him. Tadgh and she often worked closely on complicated cases. This order was unusual. "May I ask why, Director?" she asked. He sighed. "This is a big one, Keyston. I know that Maitland insists he's ready to return to work, but-" "He is ready to return to work," she protested. "In fact, he didn't really leave. He hasn't missed an hour since that Outpost Nine business." "I've seen the timesheets," Despot said firmly. "But you know better than to think that because he's here he's feeling fine with the galaxy. His brother only walked out of hospital yesterday morning. Every time we get an Imperial communiqué he's in my office checking that it isn't about him." "I think paranoia is a symptom of being stalked by a psychotic Dark Jedi, then breaking into an Imperial Outpost to kill said psychotic Jedi. I can ask Marryt if you like," she answered, deadpan. Marryt, her husband, was the Special Investigations liaison with Correalis Hospital. She'd married him because, even if she did comm him with such an absurd question, he'd gladly break from his duties to humour her. "Be that as it may," Despot said darkly. "I've got him on low-profile duties at the moment. I don't care how justified his actions were, he put himself at great risk and could have caused an incredibly bloody problem between CorSec and the Empire. I'm glad he got his brother out safely, and that he killed that Cop Killer before she killed him, but..." he trailed off, looking over her shoulder at the officer in question. "Maitland isn't going to be the same from now on." At least on that, Keys could agree. *** "Hey Keys!" Tadgh called out from his desk, grin spread prominently across his features. He held up the datafeed he had been reading all morning in his left hand and clutched a cup of steaming caf in his right. On the edge of his desk rested his feet, chair tilted backward to simulate lying down. "Check this out - they're finally fixing the repulsor trams." Keys walked slowly closer to him, glancing down to inspect the headline. Commuter Death Sparks Transport Reforms - Audio-Visual Warning Systems Announced. Keys nodded. "Well, there's a shocker - it was only a matter of time before somebody got killed by one of those bloody things." She continued past him to her workstation some twenty metres away, setting down her datapad and bringing her console online. It hummed to life, a picture of her and Marryt at the Corellian Polar Cliffs shining as her background image. She smiled at it a moment, like she always did. Her comm unit clicked - Tadgh again. "What, no caf this morning?" "Work to do, Maitland," she said dismissively, trying not to broach the subject of Giselle Heartstring. "I'd have thought you had some, too." In the Special Investigations office, communication by comm unit was not uncommon. The layout of the place was cavernous. Desks were spaced well apart from one another to promote a solitary work ethic in an industry traditionally dominated by partnerships. "Me? Work? Since my little adventure last week I've been tasked with such gripping cases as 'The Mystery of the Missing Fridge Drinks" and "The Case of the Creaky Office Chair". Caf is a roller-coaster of emotion compared to what I'm meant to be doing," he answered. She ignored him, a gesture that they had come to recognise in their working relationship to mean 'quit bugging me'. Keys brought up the correct case file on her console and began to systematically take in all the relevant information. As with most briefs put together by CorSec Patrol, this one was annoyingly by-the-numbers. Overview, victim accounts, eye witness accounts, evidence scans...a torrent of information that would easily take more than her 22 allotted hours to read. Watermarked in the corner of the screen was a secured comm frequency. She flicked her comm unit over to it and plugged it into her ear, allowing her to listen to the chatter it relayed without disturbing the entire office. Her head was immediately filled with the sounds of CorSec officers as they went about their assigned duties, all of them trying to track down Heartstring's daughter. At the moment it was relatively mundane stuff, but it would keep her updated on any developments as they happened. As her final act of preparation she began her secondary console running a search along the CorSec network. Hand-written ransom notes weren't often used on Corellia, least of all in cutting-edge Correalis. The kidnappers probably didn't want to leave an electronic fingerprint behind, or wanted to distinguish themselves on purpose. If there were any past incidents of hand-written ransom notes in the CorSec database, she'd know about it in just minutes. The comm unit crackled sharply in her ear and the CorSec chatter was replaced by an intruding voice - Tadgh's. "They gave you Heartstring, didn't they?" he said with a tone of accusation. Keys rolled her eyes. "Trying to listening to official channels here, Maitland," she tried to change the subject. "I knew it," Tadgh said with a sigh. "Despot told you to keep me out of it, I suppose." Keys didn't sugar coat it. "Absolutely he did," she looked over at him, catching his eye. "And I'm going to follow his orders." "Damn it," Tadgh leant on his elbows. "Any other planet, you kill a dark Jedi and they reward you for it. Here, I get stuck in the Bantha paddock and told to behave myself." She watched him spin around in his chair, rocking back as far as it would go. She was torn between being sympathetic and telling him to quit whining. For a brief second. "Quit your whining, Maitland," she ordered. "You broke into an Imperial outpost and you killed an Imperial officer. Granted, a serial killer, but an Imp all the same. Considering the fact that you're still alive, I'd say it's not as bad as all that." "Easy to say, Keys. Despot still trusts you." "This isn't an issue of trust. This is about responsibility - namely yours to this unit. You broke it, Tadgh. No matter how justified you were - and believe me, you were - you pay the price for it." Tadgh snorted. "Thanks, Yoda." She furrowed her brow. "Who?" "Old green guy my dad used to know. It's not important." "Alright, whatever," Keys said dismissively. "The point is you're not on this case and I am. I've got 22 hours - 21 and a half now - to track down a missing girl before she gets killed. As much as I'd love your help, there is absolutely no way on this planet that you are going to get involved. You're just going to have to keep a low-" As she was halfway through the word 'profile' she was interrupted by the most impassioned announcement she'd heard in a long time. The front doors to Correalis SIn burst open simultaneously and between them stood a tall, thin man with a strangely flamboyant hat. And at the top of his lungs, he shouted. "I must speak to Tadgh Maitland!" Keys sank in her chair. "Profile," she finished fruitlessly, already aware that her point had been made moot. Alright, that's it for this week! -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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The_Face Title: Ex-Manager Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 3/4/07 12:13pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure) - Date Edited: 3/4/07 12:17pm (1 edits total) Edited By: The_Face
	Superb postage, LP. We start out with Despot and Keyston, two cool characters I am glad to get to read more about – especially Keys since she ultimately played such a small role in Episode 1. Her relationship with Tadgh is a fun one. Such as here: Luton_Plunder posted: She watched him spin around in his chair, rocking back as far as it would go. She was torn between being sympathetic and telling him to quit whining. For a brief second. "Quit your whining, Maitland," she ordered. So great. But I’m getting ahead of myself; I was talking about the beginning of the post… Giselle Heartstring, I must say, is one of those wonderfully fake names that so fits a character who is a popular news anchor. I like coming up with names like that. They’re very catchy. Quite intense note, definitely. Luton_Plunder posted: Despot snorted. "Of course - and I think it's a bit much to hope that a planet-wide conspiracy actually exists." "Damn. I love conspiracies," she answered. "Don't we all," Despot concurred. "But you can make do. We've got a ticking clock here to rival any holodrama. This note was left three hours ago, which means you've got exactly 22 hours to find Heartstring's daughter before she is killed. If that happens, it'll mean weeks of tribute programs and sappy one-hour specials. These will in turn probably replace Division 29 for this week, which is my favourite show. You do not want to know me on the week that I miss Division 29." Yes. Yes we do. I wonder who could want to get to Heartstring, and what slight – real or imagined – has provoked them. I have quoted Despot going on here, because I quite simply love it. His logic’s flawless, and I can just hear the delivery. He’s a “chief” character of the highest value. I actually think a little of J.K. Simmons’ portrayal of J. Jonah Jameson in the Spider-man films. JJJ and Despot share a no-nonsense attitude that is almost nonsense in itself. Keys shows some very respectable investigative thinking after her chat with Despot. She’s a smart cookie. Luton_Plunder posted: Since my little adventure last week I've been tasked with such gripping cases as 'The Mystery of the Missing Fridge Drinks" and "The Case of the Creaky Office Chair". I have a feeling those won’t make Sleuth Illustrated, much less Amazing Crime Stories. The Yoda exchange is also noteworthy for its comedic value. “Old green guy” indeed. And the end of the post? Classic. It’s an old gag – the basic setup, I mean… character says something, is at that moment contradicted spectacularly – that always works. Great start, LP! -----signature----- "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." - E.L. Doctorow
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Rau_Fang Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/4/07 3:32pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	This is great L_P! Luton_Plunder posted: "Don't we all," Despot concurred. "But you can make do. We've got a ticking clock here to rival any holodrama. This note was left three hours ago, which means you've got exactly 22 hours to find Heartstring's daughter before she is killed. If that happens, it'll mean weeks of tribute programs and sappy one-hour specials. These will in turn probably replace Division 29 for this week, which is my favourite show. You do not want to know me on the week that I miss Division 29." I love how this is all business, even a little bit of routine involved. All the characters are unconcerned, thinking this is another job for them to take care of at the office. I can't wait to see that reality blow up in their face. Luton_Plunder posted: Keys didn't sugar coat it. "Absolutely he did," she looked over at him, catching his eye. "And I'm going to follow his orders." "Damn it," Tadgh leant on his elbows. "Any other planet, you kill a dark Jedi and they reward you for it. Here, I get stuck in the Bantha paddock and told to behave myself." She watched him spin around in his chair, rocking back as far as it would go. She was torn between being sympathetic and telling him to quit whining. Although Face made the reference to JJJ in Spiderman... I get more of a Lethal Weapon 4 feel to it. Like Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, Maitland and Keys make for a hilarious pair I can't wait to see what kind of trouble Mystic is ready to stir up. Thanks for the PM! -----signature----- Get with the OC Revolution, Holmes! Don't check the Profile... my fics couldn't possibly be there... Negachlorian - http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30251128/p1/?0
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VA_Parky Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 3/4/07 5:23pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	It is so cool to see Despot back - I've got a soft spot in my heart for that 'ole grump. I love him! And Keys is awesome too! I really like the friendship that has developed between her and Tadgh. I can't help but wonder, though, how Tadgh will end up getting involved in this case. If there's a way, he'll find it! Such a cool start here, Luton! It's like we've never been away. I really love this series. You've got some GREAT OC's here. They really come alive in your very capable hands. You could publish this, you know - it's SO good! If I were to pick this up in a bookstore and flip through it, I'd definitely be intrigued enough to buy it. Have you ever thought about giving it a try? If you do, will you autograph my copy? Loved the PM - and it even tied into this chapter! Pefect! Oh gosh, it feels so good to be back in the action at CorSec. Bring it on! I'm ready! -----signature----- Currently on hiatus Awash in Broken Promises (RotS AU): http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/23913704/p1/ Our 1st - Matthew - arrived 1/1/08
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Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 3/4/07 10:44pm Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Aha! Intrepid readers - it is excellent to see you all back for more Face - Thanks for the great reply to kick things off! I'm outstandingly happy that the supporting characters come off as realistic and are fun to read in their own right. Episode 2 is going to see them take a stage that is not far off centre, so there'll be much more of them (particularly Taban) to read yet. Oh and googles 'spiderman jjj'...Ahh, chief editor guy Yeah, that is a good comparison of Despot really - Wikipedia says that although he dislikes Spiderman he knows deep down that he is a hero and in the right circumstances would die to protect the innocent. That'll do just nicely Maybe I should have Despot smoke cigars - or their non-addictive, family-friendly GFFA equivalent. Though I think this sentence says it all: JJJ and Despot share a no-nonsense attitude that is almost nonsense in itself. Do you mind if I use that to describe him at some point in the upcoming episodes? It's wonderful lettercrafting Thanks for your great reply - you even instigated character development Rau_Fang - Harr Harr reality is one of my favourite things to blow up! hehe. In this case, I will introduce the reality of the kidnapping case to the proton torpedo of The Mystic and detonate once I am far away. Farrrrr away. And I definitely like your comparison to the Lethal Weapon movies - Tadgh and Keys aren't partners per se, but they work together too often to be considered anything but. I'm glad they seem comfortable with one another - and that they manage to amuse with their in-office antics Thanks so much for your reply, and for getting on board with the story - it's great to have you around Parky - Heheh, I'm so happy that the first chapter went down so well with the supporting characters taking lead. We might make a plot-driven character drama out of this yet And hah, I am very glad you liked my tie-in PM. Not so funny this particular time, but I'm warming up And oh dear, your compliments They humble me to the ground, and then dig a hole so that i can be yet more humble. Thanks so much for the nice words. And I have to admit, I'm quite amused by the idea of scribbling the signature 'Luton_Plunder' on a book cover, complete with underscore Glad to hear you are ready for some more User! Thanks so much for replying For the information of all, Chapter Two will probably go up on (what is for me in Australia) Sunday. This, I think, translates to a Saturday for borad time...am I right? Meh, who cares, I'll PM ya'll anyway -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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brodiew Registered: Oct '05	Date Posted: 3/6/07 10:13am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Excellent post, Luton! I'm really enjoying the police station nature of the fic. Despot is interesting guy and funny. He reminds me of the "classic" precinct captain. I can't wait to see if he rants. Keys and Tadgh are a cool tram. We can see the residual effects of episode one here (haven't read yet). I'm sure he'll be in the loop soon, even if on the dwon low. I was really intrigued by the hand written ransome note. Nice touch. Very original idea, given the advanced technology of the era. I look forward to more. When do I meet Taban? -----signature----- “You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short.”
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Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 3/7/07 4:38am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Prologue (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Hey Brodiew! Thanks for the response, I am very glad it went down well Despot is always one of my favourites to write. It can be a struggle to make him relevant at times so I've got to be minimalist in how I use him. He's in charge of an entire division, after all - he cant spend all his time on two people. But when he gets a look in I have to make sure he gets a fair share of limelight Ranting may or may not be included in this fic The references to episode 1 here are only important in that they convey that Taban was taken hostage (by a dark Jedi), and that's all that's needed for the rest of the story to make sense. Though I would never, ever discourage curious readers from checking out the first one to get the proper context Thanks again for your reply, Brodiew! Taban will be introduced, in an appropriately action-packed way, in chapter 3. Hope to see you there -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 3/9/07 3:58am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Chapter 1 (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure) - Date Edited: 3/9/07 4:34am (1 edits total) Edited By: Luton_Plunder
	Diving straight into things, a little earlier than expected! Chapter Two Tadgh nearly sprang from his chair when his name was announced so loudly from the front doors. He threw the datafeed on his desk and sat bolt upright, trying his best not to look awkward as he did so. He was in the spotlight, after all. He recognised the intruder as soon as he set eyes on the tattered top hat and spotted grey waistcoat. This was The Mystic, a celebrity of sorts around Correalis known for his crazy demeanour and apparently accurate visions of the future. He'd never dealt with him personally, but his brother Taban had once sworn he'd received an accurate prediction concerning the score in a shockball game. Like most things that Taban said, he'd taken it with a grain of salt. "Tadgh Maitland, this is quite important," the Mystic repeated, walking purposefully through the front doors. As he got further into the building concerned-looking security guards followed quickly, one of them reaching out to keep a hand on the intruder at all times. They looked baffled. "I'm...we were...just happened to be ..." the guard on the left stammered, trying to justify the security breach. "This guy snuck by us," he decided on. Tadgh stood and faced the scuffling group of men, feeling somewhat responsible for the entire thing. This vagrant lunatic was calling his name, which meant that in some roundabout and unfair way the whole thing was his fault. But given that his day had been one hell of a bore so far, this was the kind of trouble he was more than happy to deal with. "It happens," Tadgh dismissed it. "Shall we arrest him?" the guard asked, extracting a pair of shock binders from his belt. "No, no - let me hear what he has to say first," Tadgh insisted, feeling charitable. "I am here to help you and Detective Keyston solve the Heartstring case," the Mystic announced, looking rather pleased with himself. It was said with such casual dismissal, as though this was a perfectly normal thing to say about a classified investigation that not even regular CorSec knew they were working on. "Okay," Tadgh said, throwing a significant look to a horrified Keys, "now you can arrest him." Shock binders were applied to the man's wrists and he was led away roughly, but that didn't diminish his resolve. He kept talking, half of it indistinguishable from the overbearing noise of the security guards and the sound of interested background chatter. But some words - dangerous, worrying words - could be discerned through it all. Words like Daughter, kidnap and dead. But the worst of them all, the word that made Tadgh steel himself against the rush of adrenaline in his body, was something that he could never have expected. It was a pair of words, actually - and more specifically, a name - that he had come to be quite protective of since the events of last week. Now when he heard it he had to fight the urge to yank out his blaster and go on the offensive. "Stop," Tadgh ordered, moving closer to the Mystic. The scuffling guards and background noise dropped away suddenly. "What did you just say?" he demanded, hand gracing the latch on his holster. The Mystic smiled at him easily. "That was always going to get your attention." Tadgh stayed remarkably calm. "What did you just say?" he repeated. "I said," the Mystic repeated, meeting Tadgh's gaze, "I know who's behind it all. The one who kidnapped Giselle Heartstring's daughter. The one who wrote the threatening ransom note. The one who you will, eventually, shoot dead for his crimes. The one you're looking for. "It's Taban Maitland." *** A short time later Despot burst into the surveillance room with a look on his face that made Tadgh cringe. "You need me to bring you a dictionary, Maitland?" he asked, face burning red. "I have one in my office. We can look up 'low profile' together, it'll be a laugh. I've got a feeling that lunatic ringmasters aren't mentioned." "He's not a ringmaster," Tadgh pointed out, "he's a psychic." "You can explain later how that's better," his superior countered. "For now, just bring me up to speed. In one sentence, if possible." Tadgh was looking through the one-way transparisteel at the tense scene beyond. The Mystic, flanked by two heavily armed guards, seemed almost oblivious to the kind of trouble he was in while Keys, face set in stone, seemed bent on communicating the extent of that trouble. She hadn't taken kindly to her investigation being taken over by a blow-in vagrant. "It'd be one hell of a run-on sentence," Tadgh said, still trying to listen to the exchange happening in the interrogation room. Keys' voice was loud without being raised as she tried to drag some information of substance out of the man. "If you can't substantiate your whereabouts during the time of the kidnapping," she said, her voice scratchy through the low-tech intercom, "how did you possibly expect not to be locked up?" The Mystic was unaffected. "Oh, I did expect to be locked up, detective. I knew we would be having this conversation. Curse of the psychic, you see." His one-track routine was beginning to get the better of Keys. The frustration creeping into her manner was not entirely obvious, but evident enough for Tadgh to notice. A drop in her shoulders, eyes darting quickly between the window and the subject. He had a feeling the interview wouldn't last much longer. He cocked his head in Despot's direction. "You heard about the little disturbance this morning, then?" he asked, pointing at the Mystic. Despot sucked on one of his teeth. "It was hard not to, a vagrant bursting past my security detail and shouting your name across the building." "Right," Tadgh affirmed. "Apparently he snuck past the two front door guards at the precise second that a passer-by had her handbag snatched, which distracted them long enough for him to enter. Lucky timing, don't you think?" He couldn't hide the suspicion in his voice. "I'd say more like an incompetent security detail," Despot dismissed. "I'll get a sec report later. What I want from you is an explanation for this -" he pointed at the Mystic, "-man being here. What in the hells does he want?" Tadgh took a deep breath. He had been treading thin ice with his Director since he'd broken into Outpost Nine last week. He hadn't been directly punished as yet, but it was implicit in the duties he had been assigned. This would be just one more thing that weakened the already tense tether of trust between them. "He claims," he said, subconsciously lowering the volume of his voice to soften the impact, "that he knows who kidnapped Heartstring's daughter." Despot's voice also quietened, possibly in reaction to Tadgh's. "And he was shouting your name because?" "Because..." he trailed off, trying his best not to make the statement melodramatic. Unfortunately, by stopping mid-sentence he had done just that. "Because he seems to think that my brother is the kidnapper." Despot had never been a man for impassioned responses. "Well then," he said, "that puts the rancor in the frying pan." His propensity for making glaring speech gaffes was quite intact, however. Tadgh was quite sure he'd meant to either say "that puts the Rancor amongst the Mynocks" or "out of the frying pan, into the fire". His mixture of the two phrases was nonetheless thought-provoking in an absurd way. "It gets worse," Tadgh continued. "Oh?" "He also thinks that," he paused a moment, trying his best to word it so that it didn't sound predestined, "I'm going to shoot him dead." Despot had no comeback. A moment of silence passed between them as they listened to the Mystic's latest rant. Tadgh had heard all of it before, but he allowed Despot to hear it for himself. It would sound less cynical coming from the Mystic himself. "It's much sooner than you think," he was saying from beneath his top hat. "You'll investigate a lead on the location of the Heartstring girl. I can tell you the address right now, but you won't believe it." "Try me," Keys said, deadpan. "842 Lostock Boulevard," the Mystic reeled off. "It's a shop front that sells common parts for swoop bikes. You'll find Taban Maitland there, but you wont arrest him. Nor will you find the girl there - she's located in an old DuraPlex durasteel smelter outside the city limits. What you will find are fingerprints on a stylus - Taban Maitland's fingerprints. Find the stylus, find the kidnapper, eh detective?" He continued in the background as Despot began speaking over the top of him. "He's involved," he declared. "And he's playing us." "By giving us a location and culprit?" "Did you never watch those 'magic exposed' shows as a kid?" Despot asked. "Misdirection. It's the basis of every magic trick ever thought up. I reckon that a street magician like this one would be pretty well versed." "Poor misdirection, though," Tadgh said. "Pinning the blame on Taban. He can't possibly have expected us to buy that." Despot scratched at his ear and took a slight steadying breath. Tadgh watched as he lowered his eyes to the ground and stepped closer. Whatever he was about to say needed whispering. "You've commed him?" he asked in hushed tones. "Taban? No. Why bother him with this?" Tadgh asked in matching volume. "Because," Despot said, handing him a comlink, "I'm ordering you." "With respect, Director-" Tadgh began, a frown souring his expression. He was cut off by a raised finger. "I want you to eliminate him as a suspect, Maitland. Then I want you to find out exactly everything about this Mystical... clown. And when you've done that, I want you to help Keyston find Heartstring's daughter. You have 21 hours. "Congratulations, you're back on active duty. "I trust you won't disappoint me" Ta in advance for all you wonderful readers Let me know what you thought! -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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Kynstar Registered: Mar '04	Date Posted: 3/9/07 7:02am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Chapter 2 (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Cooooolidge! You've started up another tale! Please PM if you don't mind when you do updates! Whoa... Mystic says it's his brother?? Man what's up with that...and that he'll shoot him dead? Oh dear... that is NOT good. Can't wait to find out more! -----signature----- Paddy sis to t_s & SarkaVrae/Master to hyperspace_police Member of Rebel Legion and Jedi Assembly (Kynstar Lans) Only thru fear, hatred, and pain will the true power of the Force be revealed. See stories/viggies in bio
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Rau_Fang Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 3/9/07 7:44am Subject: RE: The User (1:2) 'Premeditated' - Chapter 2 (OCs, CorSec Intrigue/Adventure)
	Nice! I find it hard to believe that Taban is the culprit. However, this could be foreshadowing and we have to sit back and watch the events unfold. I seem to remember a certain prophecy that was fulfilled... after the Clone Wars, after the reign of the Empire. I also remember an episode of Law and Order:SVU were there was a psychic who ended up being the perpetrator Good Update! Thanks for keeping me on my toes! -----signature----- Get with the OC Revolution, Holmes! Don't check the Profile... my fics couldn't possibly be there... Negachlorian - http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30251128/p1/?0
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