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Author	Topic: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-Completed, 4/23
Darth_Manion Registered: Feb '07	Date Posted: 3/15/07 6:13pm Subject: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-Completed, 4/23 - Date Edited: 4/23/07 1:45pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Darth_Manion
	Okay, so I wrote this story to try and include all my favorite sci-fi in one huge crossover. 'Nuff said. The Infinity Chronicles Chapter I - I'll Relax When I'm Dead A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away . . . The galaxy was a very big place. So big, in fact, that you could hide from just about anything, run away from just about any problem, and escape from just about every person, assuming you had enough credits and a motive of getting from point A to point B, or point B to point C, or point A to point C, or point A to point ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, and anywhere in between. At least, that was the way it was before the Empire. Now the galaxy was growing smaller as more systems fell to Imperial rule. And it became harder to hide. Especially for a Jedi. Such was the case for Cosmo Leartes, a hapless young knight who had been hiding from the Empire's sinister agents for years, but who'd gotten by less on skill and more on luck. That luck had shown signs of running out. Especially now that after taking a cruise ship from Alderann to Corellia, the crew had recognized him and was about to toss him into the airlock. While in hyperspace. Wrists bound and at blaster-point, Cosmo had little chance of escape. Sure, it's possible that a more experienced Jedi, like the lengendary Master Obi-Wan or Mace Windu, who's missions and campaigns during the Clone Wars were odds-defying, at the least, could have escaped from this predicament with ease, but Cosmo barely passed for a Jedi. He was a de facto Knight-after his master was gunned down by clones, there wasn't much more training he could recieve, and therefore technically he was a knight. The security guard holding the blaster to his neck grunted and nodded in the direction of the airlock the guard behind him nudged him in that direction. Somewhere deep inside Cosmo, he screamed. But all that came out of his mouth was a depressing moan. "Is this really necessary?" he asked. The guard with the blaster pressed it harder into his neck. "Shut up, or I'll blow your head off." he snarled. "Go ahead. If I'm going to either get shot, or blasted into a bundle of sub-atomic particles, at least shoot me to save time." Cosmo retorted. The guard seemed to think about this for a moment. "Just get in the damn airlock." He smacked Cosmo in the back of the head. Cosmo tried to make a huge act out of it. Slumping over, the moaning, the pitiful stares, but the guards showed no sympathy. Eventually, he hauled himself into the airlock and watched the guards close the door. I wonder what it will be like to not exist, Cosmo mused. It must be quiet. Could be nice and peaceful. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, the more I think dying might not be so bad. This soliloquy was interupted by as the exterior airlock doors began to open. However, there was no tell-tale hiss of air escaping: instead, there there was a pop and for a brief second, Cosmo saw what looked like a brilliantly dazzeling spectrum of light. He reminded himself the ship was in hyperspace, and that he wasn't going to just die of explosive decompression, he was going to be blasted into a cloud of spare molecules. Hopefully, it won't hurt much. His last wish was cruelly denied, as he was ripped out of the airlock into the blaze of hyperspace, where he became aware of an intense pain across his entire body, like he was being stretched apart, and then crushed at the same time. He expected to feel nothingness, but instead he only felt pain. Now he wanted nothing more than to die and get it over with, but the powers-that-be wouldn't even grant him that reprieve. Suddenly, words began to materialize in Cosmo's brain. Through the pain, he concentrated on them . . . This is a work of fiction, He deciphered. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used ficticiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Now that didn't make any sense. As Cosmo pondered the mystery of these words, he became vaguely aware of the fading pain. He opened his eyes and found himself floating in deep space, about to pop due to explosive depressurization. He had about a second before the air pressure realized that it wanted to equalize, and he burst. But right before his time was up, space dissapeared. There was a pack of giant cockroaches building a massive monument, on which they where carving the secret to immortality. Unfortunetly, the inscription was in a language that would not be invented for another thirty hundred thousand years, by a race of super-intelligent shades of the color purple. Cosmo pushed his way past the grotesque creatures, trying to figure out exactly how he managed to get here. As he ran his experience in hyperspace back in his head, the cockroaches dissapeared, and the monument transformed into a tree, but the leaves were sticks of chewing gum. In the sky, a pack of lizards flew by. A lone three-headed mime with twelve arms walked into the sunset, but nobody cared. Cosmo became more confused, if at all possible. A voice from nowhere spoke. "What do we have here?" Cosmo spun around to see who was speaking. All he saw was the tree. Good enough. "What do we have where?" he asked it rather dumbly. He became aware of an odd sensation, like his body was being twisted in phyisically impossible shapes outside of his control. "I'm talking about you, you half-witted nerf-herder." the disembodied voice responded, not very politely. It spoke in an odd accent Cosmo had never heard before. Cosmo wasn't at all very pleased at the way he was being talked to, not to mention the fact he had no idea what was going on. "What about me?" he spat. No more mister nice-jedi. As quickly as it appeared, the tree and the landscape disolved and Cosmo found himself in an an empty white room. His body snapped back into it's regular shape, and the voice returned. "You've got three seconds to explain yourself." Cosmo sensed a presence behind him. Spinning around, he saw a man leaning up against a wall. This wasn't just any man, though. Waring a suit of dull-green padded battle armor, and adorned with a ridiculous array of weapons, it was clear this was a guy who lived by the sword. Sitting on his head was a distinctive shocktrooper helmet, with a "T" style visor recalling the Mandalorian armor of ages past. In his hands he hefted a sizable blaster carbine, pointed at Cosmo. So this was the source of the unfriendly voice. Things were not boding well today for this half-witted nerf-herder. "Your guess is as good as mine." Cosmo managed to say. "The last thing I remember is being hyperspaced." The dangerous-looking man said nothing. Cosmo decided to put his remaining two seconds to good use. "I was just going from Alderann to Corelia when these guys haul me off to the air lock. Then I-" "What were those places you mentioned, again?" the armored guy asked. Cosmo did a double take. The man began slowly lower his blaster and sounded genuinely interested in what Cosmo had to say. Maybe his luck hadn't run out, after all. "Yeah, I was taking a ship from Alderann to Corelia." The man cocked his helmet. "You were on a spaceship? And Alderann and Corelia are planets?" "Yes . . . " Cosmo was still confused. "Those aren't planets." the man said bluntly. "At least not in this universe." He holstered his blaster and knocked his knuckles on the wall behind him. Part of the wall slid apart and he walked throught the doorway. "Follow me." he called back. Cosmo wasn't about to argue with a guy with that many weapons, and jogged after him. "Um, excuse me, but where am I?" The man kept looking straight ahead. "You're on a ship. Must've picked you up as it came out of, well, whatever this thing does to get around faster than light-speed." "Well, I was thinking on a bigger scale. You said that Alderann and Corelia weren't planets-" "In this universe."the man finished for him. "Right. If that's the case, then what universe are you talking about?" The man stopped and turned to look Cosmo eye-to-visor. "This is the Confuso-verse, kid. You must've taken one hell of a spill to wind up here." That didn't sound so good. "What? Confuso-verse? What are you talking about?" "This is the Confuso-verse. It doesn't make much sense to me, either, but as far as I can tell, neighboring universes are in constant motion. So there's a great deal of flotsam and jetsam. All of that refuse ends up here." the man expalined. Cosmo chewed on this for a second or so. "Oh." The weapons-guy kept walking down the stark-white hallway, and Cosmo ran to catch up with him. Quite suddenly, the man halted and put out an arm out to stop Cosmo. They had reached what appeared to be an automatic sliding door. There didn't seem to be anything wholy remarkable about it, but if Cosmo had learned anything in the few seconds since he had been shoved out of an airlock, it was that if anything was on the other side of that door, it probably wasn't good. Very slowly, the armored man took a step towards the door, and it slid open with a whirr. Grabbing Cosmo by the lapels of his tunic, he yanked him to the other side of the doorway. Suddenly, a piercingly cheerful voice tore the air asunder. "Glad to be of service. It does a simple door great joy to fufill one's purpose." The response to this statement was shockingly violent. The man whipped out his blaster with super-human speed and fired a series of shots into the doorframe as he shouted. "DAMN IT! I wish you di'kutla doors would just KRIFFING shut the SHABLA UP!" Cosmo stared on with a flabergasted silence as the door closed. The man slid the carbine back into its holster and continued down the hall, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Cosmo followed his rescuer cautiously. "Um, excuse me, but I don't think we've been properly introduced." It took all of the courage he possesed to speak to this man after seeing his violent response to a downright friendly door. "I'm Cosmo Leartes." he held out his hand in a gesture of kinship. The masked man turned and looked at his hand, as if it was the tentacle of a dionaga. After a tense few seconds, he grasped it with his guantleted hand and shook it. As he did, Cosmo couldn't help but notice the flame-thrower mounted on his wrist. O-kaaaayyyyyyy . . . "Boba Fett." he grunted and released Cosmo's hand. He resumed his steady pace down the hall. "Hey, if you don't mind, I've got a few questions about this 'confuseo-verse' thing." Cosmo perked up. "Like, uh, how'd I get here?" Fett continued to face forward, refusing to make eye contact with him. "Look, I told you I don't really understand it myself, but as far as I can figure out, you're the only person in the confuso-verse who remembers anything before coming into the confuso-verse." "Huh?" "It's like this . . ." Fett began to explain. "Everyone and everything in the confuso-verse didn't come from the confuso-verse. They were shunted here by bizarre cosmic forces that no one has bothered to figure out. I don't know how I got here. One day, I just materialized and here I was. Do you know what it's like to not exist? And somehow know you don't exist?" Cosmo thought about that for a moment. "Kind of ironic, actually, I was just thinking about that before-" "That was a rehtorical question."Fett interuppted him. "But you seem to know where you came from. So you're going to help me get out of here." "Oh. Wait, what?" Cosmo wasn't sure he knew how to escape a universe. He didn't know how he ended up in this particular universe in the first place. Fett continued to ignore him. "I hate this universe, and I hate everyone in it. Everything feels out of place. I need a place I can call yaim." "Say what?" Boba shook his head slightly, "Yaim is what you aruetiise call 'home'." Fett growled. Cosmo nodded absent-mindedly. "Uh-huh. And how am I supposed to help you find this place? I don't even know how I managed to survive to get here." "DAMN IT!" Boba shouted and came to an abrupt stop. They had come to another door. "I hate these di'kutla doors most of all!" He kicked it with enough force to dent the metal. "I'm so very happy to oblige in enabling you to vent some of your execess anger, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not to do that again." the door responded a little too courteously as it slid apart. Cosmo walked through the doors as they parted, and entered a large room, which like the rest of the ship's interior followed the shiny, smooth white surface motif, with the exception of the many consols and buttons that lined the walls. Along the opposite wall a huge window stretched across the room, displaying the inky blackness of space, punctured by the pinpricks of light that were distant stars. Boba pushed past him and walked across the bridge to the main consol and sat down in one of the large luxurious seats arranged around the cockpit. "Welcome to the bridge of the Heart of Gold."Fett grumbled as he looked around at some of the readout screens, his back to Cosmo. Cosmo, who was of a slightly inquisitive pursuasion, started to look around at the odd instruments and readouts that lined the walls. There was what appeared to be a dismanteled computer in one corner, and a jetpack sat on the floor next to him. Turing around very slowly, he found himself jumping backward in a mix of astonishment and horror. Standing in front of him there was what appeared to be a slab of frozen carbonite, but etched in its surface there was the tourtured form of a man, dressed in flamboyant clothing, but what was most unusual was the third arm and second head of the ill-fated individual. Both faces were locked in identical displays of uttmost pain and terror. To say Cosmo was only slightly unsettled by this would be to say that Hoth has a relatively cool climate. "Don't mind Beeblebrox."Fett said nonchalantly. "He's just this guy, you know?" The young jedi gulped, loudly. He had a bad feeling about this. * * * To Be Continued . . . Okay, now if you like this story, tell your friends, and if you hate it, tell your enemies. But for goodness sake, tell someone! -----signature----- "Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for." -Smoking Man, 'The X-Files'
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 3/16/07 4:24am Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Well, that is certainly interesting. I'd like to follow this insanity. Might I get PM when you update? -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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MsLanna Title: CR GSFF Central = Offizieller Burger Brater Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 3/16/07 9:34am Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	I liked it. And Cosmo should be happy he wasn't turned into a potted flower or a whale. Can't wait to see who's all joining the mad-fest. Though I can't really say I like Fett. Ack, to hell with him. If you want to make sure I don't miss the next update, send me a pm. -----signature----- I give up. Fett is great. Member of the waadas'dar Club. Cuyir adate jate, bal droten ori'dush Proud Master and buir'ika of Commander_Ducky. My New Title: Lords and Ladies of the Empire
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Darth_Manion Registered: Feb '07	Date Posted: 3/17/07 1:39pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Chapter II - Two-Sided Coin It was a few moments before Boba Fett spoke again. "Okay, I think I've got it." he sighed, standing up from his chair. "Um, got what?" Fett walked to the other side of the room, past Cosmo, and poped the housing off of one of the wall consols. "You're going to help me, and I'm going to help you get back home." he began rummaging in the circuits and gizmos he had revealed behind the control panel. Cosmo was tempted to tap his shoulder, but decided not to. "Er, you sure you're supposed to do that?" pointing at the tangle of wires that Boba was currently sifting through. Fett stopped for a second, and turned to look at him. It took Cosmo a second to realize that he wasn't looking at him, but looking behind him. Glancing at the ominous warning through the corner of his eye, Cosmo shivered. "Oh, right. Sorry. You're the boss." The mandalorian-turned-bounty hunter-turned-shipjacker made the tinyest nod and resumed his work. Cosmo quietly shuffled away from the carbonite slab, and watched Fett intently as he buried himself in the maze of hardware. Eventually, he pulled himself out, two cables in each hand. He handed them all to Cosmo. He pointed to the two wires in his right hand, a blue one and a green one. "I need you to hold onto these." he pointed to the red and black wires in his left hand. "And I need you to attatch these to the big button on the dashboard." he pointed to a large button situated in the middle of the consol below the viewscreen. "But whatever you do," he added. "Don't let the red wire touch the blue wire." Then Fett returned to burrowing in the control panel. Cosmo was afraid to ask what would happen if the red wire and the blue wire touched, and he didn't intend to find out. Trotting over to the dashboard on the opposite side of the bridge, he came to an uncerimonious halt as the wires became taut. This could be a problem, Cosmo thought to himself. He was tempted to yank on the wires to see how far they would go, he decided not to for fear of yanking them out of wherever they came from. Floundering in this deliema for the better half of three seconds, Cosmo almost missed the strange electric-blue object that zipped across the screen. The unidentified flying object appeared to have a two-pronged shape, and glowed with an unearthly blue energy, and didn't seem to have any visible means of propulsion. Reaching out with the Force, Cosmo definitly sensed a hostile presence. "Uh, Boba . . ." Cosmo began. "There's something out there . . . " Immediately leaping into action, Fett covered the length of the bridge in several wide strides and scanned the viewscreen with his eyes, then turning to the sensors array to see what they had to say. And what they had to say wasn't good. "We got Drej."he said. "Sithspit!" "Um, Drej are a bad thing, right?" If Fett had not been wearing a helmet, it is possible one might've seen him roll his eyes. "Yes. Now where are those wires?" Cosmo held up the un-cooperative cables. "Yeah, about that . . . " A blast rocked the ship, and Cosmo lost his balance, falling onto the white pristine floor. He quickly checked to make sure the red and blue wires hadn't touched. Internally, Cosmo breathed a sigh of relief. Fett was back in the pilot's chair, furiously manuvering with the controls. "Three Drej snub fighters."Boba grumbled. "Better pray we survive this." "Don't we have any weapons?" Fett would've glared at Cosmo for a few good seconds to illustrate his contempt, but the ship was hit with another volly, and it began carrening out of control, spinning towards a large ring structure. "What's that?" Cosmo pointed at the viewscreen at the large circular form, and his hand was deftly smacked out of the way with Boba's forearm. The Drej ships flew circles around the defenseless Heart of Gold, taking cycles making attack runs. It wouldn't be long until the fastest ship in the Confuso-verse would be nothing more than a smoldering wreck. Boba Fett had danced with death numerous times, and he wasn't about to let himself trip up this time. But it would've helped alot if the ship had weapons. A well-aimed shot hit the main engine, and the Heart of Gold began writhing about in space like a fish on a dock. In a last-ditch attempt to save them, Fett tried to steer towards the ring, which as they grew closer, revealed intself to be huge, over six hundred miles in diameter, and having what appeared to be terrain and land masses along the inner surface. But there was no time to contemplate this phenomenon. Survival was the first priority. The Drej fighters peeled off as the Heart of Gold plummeted, flares lighting up around it as it entered the atmosphere. Before long, the ship slamed into the ground, debri flying in every direction. An emergency door poped open, and Boba Fett hopped out, followed by Cosmo Leartes, who exited the craft with more of a trip, catching himself before he hit the ground. Strapping his jetpack to his back, and checking the ammo meter on his carbine, Fett then turned to Cosmo, who was busy on his hands and knees looking for something he had dropped. "What are you doing?" Cosmo poked through the dirt as he replied, "My lightsaber. I think I dropped it." At the word 'lightsaber', Boba cocked his head. "What?" he asked slowly and dangerously, in a voice that sounded like the banging together of marble gravestones. "My light . . . sabe . . . "Cosmo stopped as Fett crouched and picked up the hand-sized silver cylinder. "Oh, thanks . . ." But Boba Fett didn't hand it back to him. Instead, he looked at it intently for a few long seconds, and then threw it at Cosmo's feet with an anger and violence that Cosmo had come only to expect as a reaction to overly-friendly doors. As the young jedi bent over to pick up the weapon, brushing off the dirt on his robe. He glanced up at Boba, and saw him stalking off into a cluster of rocks not too far away. Cosmo looked down again at the lighsaber in his hand. He noticed that its shiny finish had been scuffed after it's toil in the dirt, and its degraded appearance saddened Cosmo. Some may see the lightsaber as a mere weapon, but to Cosmo, it was more than that. It was a symbol, a representation of a force that has stood for the values of truth, justice, and democracy for thousands of years, at least until Order 66. And while Cosmo wasn't the Council's favorite jedi(,well, as if there was a Council anymore), he was still proud to be a jedi, even if he wasn't that good at it. Then it occured to Cosmo that maybe, maybe the Empire had killed all the jedi. Maybe he was the last one. Cosmo's heart sunk to somewhere in his gut region, as he tried to imagine training a whole new generation of Jedi trained by him, and pictured a future of clumsy, confused people waving around lightsabers like glowsticks. If the sith wanted to destroy the jedi for good, sparing him was probably the best way to do it. Finally, Cosmo got to his feet, hooked his lightsaber onto his belt and brushed the dirt off of his pants. He looked back in the direction of the ship's crash angle, and saw the burning trail that went on as far as the eye could see, scarring the landscape. He then followed Fett into the rocks, thinking about the future of the jedi order, and becoming more and more pessimistic. He found the mandalorian crouched over a corpse. Cosmo felt some bile rise in his throat, but managed to stave off full-blown indegestion as he watched Boba loot the body for weapons and ammunition. Fett raised the rife he had pried it from the man's hand, and inspected it. " . . . projectile weapon . . . sixty shots in a clip, fully automatic . . . "he mumbled, half to himself, and then holstered the gun. "Looks like the guy was killed by an energy weapon, though." looking down at the dead man. He then looked at Cosmo."What did you do with those wires?" Cosmo vaugely remembered tossing the wires to the side after he had gotten up after the first attack run on their ship. "Uh, I think I put them away . . ." "Did you let the red wire touch the blue wire?!" "I don't think so. Why? What would happen if the wires touch-" A huge shockwave nearly blasted both of them off of their feet as the Heart of Gold's wreakage transformed into a giant ball of flame. One of the Drej ships dropped out of the sky, crashing into the rocks not too far from their position. After the inital shock, Boba whipped out his carbine. "This couldn't get any worse."he mumbled, heading in the direction of the new crash. Crouching behind a rock, he poked his head out to get a look at it. The sparkling blue craft had gotten itself wedged between two rocks, and Fett edged a little closer. As he made his way towards it, part of the hull began to warp, and the pilot slid out of the ship. The Drej were a race that had evolved to the point of consisting of pure energy, as was their technology. Often it was hard to tell where their tech ended and the Drej began. Other than the traslucent, pulsating blue of their skin, Drej themselves looked alot like droids, sort of hunched over with spindley limbs. Where their faces should have been, there was a gaping black hole. Fett tried to keep himself hiden, but the alien spotted him. Its arm began to distort, transforming its hand into an energy projectile weapon of some sort. Before it could fire, Boba leapt from his position, raising his blaster carbine and squeezed off a single shot, hitting its arm so it couldn't return fire. The limb burst into a blue cloud of mist, which condensed and solidified back into its original form. Fett re-aimed his firearm. "I wasn't aware of that power." he said to himself, impressed by the alien's ability. "Too bad it won't do him any good." He fired another shot, this time hitting the creature square in the middle of the torso. It exploded in a flash of blue energy, never to bother anyone again. "Nice shot!" Cosmo exclaimed, right as a laser bolt struck the rock above his head. Fett grabbed his shoulder and forced him downward for cover, then tucked the hefty rifle he recently aquired into one shoulder and his blaster carbine into the other and readied them both to fire. Switching his visor to infrared, he began to search for the new target in the rocks. Several meters away, he spotted a heat source. Switching back to regular light frequencies, he saw what looked like an armored reptiloid. It was just under three meters tall, muscular, with an arched neck that came up to a flat head with no jaws. Instead, it had what looked like two sets of mandibles or maybe oral feelers or even proboscides. While Boba was busy examining the creature's bizarre anatomy, it spotted him, and began firing an energy weapon of alien design in his direction. Fett rolled to the side, both to make himself a smaller target and to move into a better firing postion. Stopping, still crouched, he pumped the triggers of both weapons, the fully-automatic projectile weapon, and his semi-automatic blaster carbine. But instead of the bullets and laser bolts tearing through the being's armor and flesh, they ricoched off of some kind of personal force-field. After an uncomfortable few moments, the shield gave out and the enemy collapsed in a heap, a thick purple ooze spraying from its body. Fett scanned the surrounding area for any more hostiles, and saw none. Double-checking his readouts, he holstered his weapons, and then stepped towards the fresh corpse, giving it a good kick to make sure it stayed dead. He then turned to the rock he knew Cosmo was hiding behind. "It's safe." he called out. "For now." Cosmo came up from behind the boulder with his hands on his head, but after a look around to make sure nothing was going to shoot him, he let them drop to his sides. "What was that thing? Was that a Drej?" "No." Fett looked at the body of the alien as it sat in a pool of the purple goo, wich was probably its blood. He had never seen something like this before. "It was something else." He spun around to face Cosmo. "Great job with the ship. Now what are we going to do?" Cosmo sat down on a rock and put his head in his hands. I've only met this guy a few minutes ago, and he already knows that I'm a total screw-up, he sulked. He wished his master, Darra Kreen, was here. She was a spunky twi'lek with dull turquise skin and an artificial leg. After loosing the limb, however, she had aquired a new zest for life, but had become somewhat world-weary after being in the Clone Wars. Master Kreen always seemed to be somewhat dissapointed in Cosmo, telling him things like, 'If you're too impatient to study or mediate, and too clumsy to fight, then what do you expect to do as a jedi?', or 'Why don't you actually try and use that lightsaber I gave you? It's not doing anyone any good just sitting there', but Cosmo still knew she was only trying to help him. He would have given just about anything to hear her corse, sarcastic voice one more time. "Will you get off your shebs and make yourself useful?" That wasn't Master Kreen, Cosmo thought as he snapped back to his senses. It was just that Boba Fett person again. Eh, close enough. * * * To Be Continued . . . -----signature----- "Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for." -Smoking Man, 'The X-Files'
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GeithJiseo2 Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 3/17/07 1:42pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	This story is crazy, but I love it! More, please? -----signature----- "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! AGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?!?! AGGGHHH!!!!" --ashsecho's (a.k.a. Darth Slowest Writer in the World) reaction after having read the ending of Falls the Shadow: Book One
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starpwner1211 Registered: Jan '07	Date Posted: 3/17/07 2:48pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Ahem.... In my opinion, to make this story better, Please include the Master Chief.... Do something with him. Please PM me. Pwner -----signature----- Check out Tiberium Twilight! New fic from Pwner! Starpwner1211 plays CS Source! "Boom headshot!" fps doug YES! PWNAGE!
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G__Anakin Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 3/17/07 3:01pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Great job! May I have PMs? -----signature----- Master to tahiriveilax - - - My fanfic - - - Fate of the Jedi - Abyss : http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30246540/p1/ Yeah, I used the real title for the next book. Beware Omen Spoilers.
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starpwner1211 Registered: Jan '07	Date Posted: 3/17/07 3:38pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	starpwner1211 posted: Ahem.... In my opinion, to make this story better, Please include the Master Chief.... Do something with him. Please PM me. Pwner Ehmm... Please include Master Chief, please pull him in the storyline. that's what I meant -----signature----- Check out Tiberium Twilight! New fic from Pwner! Starpwner1211 plays CS Source! "Boom headshot!" fps doug YES! PWNAGE!
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 3/18/07 2:50am Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Fett would've glared at Cosmo for a few good seconds to illustrate his contempt, but the ship was hit with another volly, and it began carrening out of control, spinning towards a large ring structure. I'm not sure entirely why, but this tickled me to no end. Great post. -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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starpwner1211 Registered: Jan '07	Date Posted: 3/18/07 8:20am Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Hey Manion! You finally introduced the Halos! Please pull in Chief! Pwner -----signature----- Check out Tiberium Twilight! New fic from Pwner! Starpwner1211 plays CS Source! "Boom headshot!" fps doug YES! PWNAGE!
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Darth_Manion Registered: Feb '07	Date Posted: 3/18/07 11:31am Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Chapter III - Warning: Hitchhikers May Be Escaping Convicts Boba Fett, the galaxy's most feared man, the greatest bounty hunter since, well, ever, found himself picking his way through a pile of garbage. The said garbage was actually the seething wreakage of the Heart of Gold, which used to be the fastest ship in this, or any, universe, still quite hot after it met its explosive end. What he was looking for was the core of the magnificent ship, the source of its incredible speed, and its namesake, the Heart of Gold. It was a smallish golden box that contained the only known Infinite Improbability Drive in the Confuso-verse. Tossing a scalding plate of metal over his shoulder, he had finally found his bounty. Picking up the golden box and stashing it away in one of the secret compartments in his armor, he made an about-face and searched the landscape for Cosmo Leartes, his undesireable traveling companion. He was nowhere to be seen. Swearing in mando'a, he kicked a chunk of debri and switched his visor to infared. Still nothing. Activating his jetpack and shooting up into the air, he got himself an ariel view of the landscape. The horizon rose up into a loop directly overhead, evidence that they were not on any orthadox planet, but on what appeared to be an enormous ring. As he made a scan of the surronding area, he concluded the little man could not have gotten far. The only reason he hadn't killed Cosmo already was because he needed him. Cosmo claimed he came from another universe, one that wasn't as damn inconsistent as the Confuso-verse. If he did, then there was a chance, however improbable, that by hooking him up to the Improbability Drive would enable them to transcend time-space and transport themselves back to Cosmo's home universe. Boba Fett wasn't exactly an astro-physicist, but nothing else made sense in this universe anyway, and what did he have to lose? Something came up on his scanner, but it was moving too fast and it was too big to be Cosmo. Setting down on a rocky outcropping, he looked out over the clearing where he had crash-landed the ship, and saw some kind of wheeled terrain vehical barreling down the gash the Heart of Gold had carved into the ground as it came in for a landing. Following the vehical were three other craft of an altogether differenet design. Intriged, he put the search for Cosmo out of his mind for a few seconds to observe . . . "We've got a banshee and two ghosts on our asses, here, Chief! Could you drive any slower?" the sarcastic voice of Cortana chimmed. The Master Chief was afraid to press down on the gas pedal any further for fear of punching his foot through the floor, but tried to manuver the 'warthog' light-reconnaissance vehical out of this trench. "Gimme an angle!" shouted Sargent Avery Johnson from the jeep's turret. He fired a well-aimed burst at the banshee fighter, and the bulbous purple aircraft errupted into flame, and smashed into the ground. "Yeah! take that, you space-alien muthas!" Chief heard Cortana generate an artificial sigh. "Alright then. One down, two to go. We're not out of this yet." Sometimes, the Chief just wanted Cortana to shut up. This was one of those times. Plasma bolts nicked the rear bumper of the warthog, melting the metal. Chief had to get them out of this trench, or they'd be sitting ducks. Spinning the wheel around, the warthog began carreening down the trench hap-hazardly, nearly flipping over. Recovering and then slamming on the gas, the jeep made a wild jump out of the gorge, just as Master Chief saw the last thing he wanted to see today. Cortana saw it too, shouting into the Master Chief's ear what he already knew. "Look out! Wraith!" The jeep was still in mid-air as the blue behemoth Covenant tank fired a plasma mortar that arched just below them, smacking into the ground and producing an explosion that propelled the warthog even higher into the air. After a long few seconds of hangtime, the jeep came down right ontop of the tank, the suspension bouncing as they flipped over in the air and came crashing down to the ground. Gunning the acceleration to make sure, Chief was more than surprised that the car still worked. "What are you waiting for? Drive! Drive!" Cortana squealed as the warthog roared back to life and drove off. Wraith tanks were tough, but by all acounts, they weren't very fast and had really bad accuracy. The warthog could outstrip it in seconds, but the two remaining ghosts were another story. Sargent Johnson wiped some sweat off of his brow. "Geezes, this car sure can take a beating." he raved. "Now let's see what else its got." he feed a fresh chain of ammunition into the turret, which fired 500 armor-piercing rounds a minute. Master Chief stared straight ahead, watching the trees. To their right, there was a field of rocks, and to their left there was smouldering wreakage. The ghosts were gaining on them, the hovering purple cockpits with two plasma turrets on either side. If they could make it out of this clearing, they could easily evade the ghosts in the forest- Quite suddenly, a young man in strange robes ran in front of the jeep, and the Chief slamed on the breaks, the ghosts flying past on either side. The pilots, realizing their error, began to come around to face him. "What the hell?!" Cortana sputtered. "Chief! What do you think you're doing?" The guy who they almost ran over seemed to freeze in place, like a deer in headlights. "Kid! Hey, kid!" Chief yelled at him. Cosmo shook his head and looked up at the Master Chief through the windshield. The Chief honked the horn at him. "Get in the car!" Sargent Johnson had spun the turret around and trained his sights on the oncomming enemy craft. As Cosmo climbed into the jeep, Johnson opened fire, the rounds shreading one ghost's fuselage as it exploded. The warthog then went reverse, with a hard break, spinning them around with their rear to the remaining attacker. Making a wide turn, catching the ghost in a scooping motion, the ghost couldn't match their manuvering and nearly brushed up against the side of the jeep. Now niether vehical could fire on the other, as they were both neck-and-neck. Thinking quickly, Sargent Johnson seized a frag grenade from his vest and yanked out the pin with his teeth, tossing the live munition into the lap of the Covenant driver beside them. The grenade exploded, the ghost and it's occupant both incinerated, and the shockwave flipping the warthog over onto it's side. After skidding for a few feet, it finally came to rest just before hitting the tree line. Chief, who had been flung from the car as it flipped, jumped to his feet. "Hello? You okay? What hap-" He smacked the AI port in his helmet, cutting Cortana off. "Okay, alright! Relax, big guy." Cortana was, if fact, an artificial intelligence that had been plugged into his armor. She was invalubale, capable of hacking into enemy computer systems and intercepting enemy communications, but occassionally she could get a little loquacious if the situation got stressful. And for some reason, Cortana had developed a personality much like that of a civilian, which would often clash with Chief's military standards. Rushing over to the warthog's crash, he curled his fingers around the edge to flip it over, his already tremendous strength amplified by his MJOLNIR armor. The armor covered his entire body with an augmentive gel-supported cyberneticly-enhanced bodysuit and plates of metal alloy shielded with a green-tinged refractive coating to disperse plasma hits. As if to speak of the devil, a few plasma blasts splashed against his personal energy shield, the invisible force-field crackling as the plasma struck it. Whipping out his MA5B assault rifle, he fired an fully-automatic burst in the direction of the attack, the bullets hitting thin air, which congealed to form the silhoettes of elites, the mighty warriors of the extraterrestrial menace that has sworn to destroy the human race, known as the convenant. These Covenant elitles in particular were hiding behind camo fields, which more or less made them invisible. Time to employ what Chief considered the 'spray and pray' tactic, and simply fill the air with bullets in order to find the hostiles. Holding down the trigger, he sweeped the area, and two elites materialized in the air, and dropped to the ground. Loading a fresh clip into his MA5B, something nagged at him. He turned his head to look behind him, just in time to see a third cloaked elite's head burst in a spray of purple mist, and colapse in the mud. In it's hand, there was a bright flash of white plasma. It had been carrying a lethal plasma sword, which could slice through a marine in full armor with a single slice. Whoever had killed this one had saved his life. As his gaze wandered upward, he saw a man in rugged green padded battle armor, complete with "T" visor helmet, rifle raised. It wasn't like any rifle the Chief had seen, but as he lowered it, the mysterious masked man looked Chief up-and-down, exaimining his MJOLINIR suit and weapons. Chief spoke first. "Nice armor." "Verd ori'shya beskar'gam." Boba Fett responded. "A warrior is more than his armor." * * * To Be Continued . . . Toldja I'd throw the Chief in there. -----signature----- "Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for." -Smoking Man, 'The X-Files'
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 3/18/07 3:24pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Love seeing Master Chief!! -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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starpwner1211 Registered: Jan '07	Date Posted: 3/18/07 7:30pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Thanks Manion! Throw in Gordon Freeman from Half Life. He is teh 2nd l337. Pwner -----signature----- Check out Tiberium Twilight! New fic from Pwner! Starpwner1211 plays CS Source! "Boom headshot!" fps doug YES! PWNAGE!
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Darth_Manion Registered: Feb '07	Date Posted: 3/19/07 12:53pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	I thought I'd just let y'all know I write these chapters ten chapters in advance. I don't just make this up as I go along, folks. So while I'm working on chapter fourteen, I'd drop off chapter four. Chapter IV - Tion'ad Hukaat'kama? Luckily, nobody was injured other than a few superficial brusies and scratches. Cosmo patted his chest, checking for broken ribbs. "That was close." he sighed."It's pretty lucky that nobody died." The Sargent hacked up a wad of mucas and spit it into the dirt. "Damn straight. If I was drivin' you'd be a red smear on the grass back a ways." After a second of uncomfortable feet-shuffling, Cosmo extended his hand to the Master Chief. "Uh, thanks. I'm Cosmo Leartes." Chief delicately took his hand and shook it once. "This here's Master Chief." Johnson said for him. "And you can call me Sarge." There was the feminine sound of someone clearing their throat. The Sarge sighed and jabbed his thumb at the Chief. "And there's Cortana." "Don't mind me, I'm just the AI."she drawled sarcasticly. Cosmo oogled at the Master Chief for a bit. "Nice suit." was all he could manage. Fett used the scope of his blaster to scan the horizon. "I've spotted a couple of those weird ships again." he told the rest of them. "I don't think they know we're here." "I'd have to double-check the Covenant battle-net for any mention of us, but I would suggest that we make ourselves scarce." Cortana offered. Fett didn't like what this was turning into. "What do you mean, 'we'?" "Well, we're working together now, right?" Cosmo asked, looking to each member of the party for confirmation. "Right?" Boba groaned. He wasn't a 'people person'. And he didn't want to mingle with these military types. He wasn't a soldier or a mercenary, he was a bounty hunter, and prefered to work alone."Look, I just need Cosmo. We'll be on our way as soon as possible. You can go about your buisness. There's no need for us to be together. It'll just slow us down." The Master Chief and Johnson looked at each other. Cortana blotted out the external speakers to speak exclusively with the Chief. "Y'know, we can use all the help we can get. And that one guy isn't that bad a shot. Try and find out what they're doing here and maybe we can help each other." "We don't even know if these guys are trustworthy." Chief retorted, but he was pretty divided on the subject. He was thinking about what Cortana had said to himself just before she mentioned it, and both were valid arguments. Johnson decided to break the ice. "What are you guys doing here, anyway?" Cosmo opened his mouth to explain, but closed it again. He wasn't exactly sure if he was the right person to describe the series of events that conspired to land him here. "I'm looking for a place to interface with this." Fett expalined, producing the Infinte Improbability Drive from one of his pockets. The golden box glittered in the dusk light. The object was met with a group of blank stares. "Is that a . . ." Cortana blithered. "An Infinite Improbability Dirve?" Boba Fett said. "Yeah." "Ah . . . Never heard of it." She finished lamely. Cosmo raised his hand as he asked a question. "I'm still confused. Why am I here? What is this place?" "You're here,"Boba began, "So that you can get both of us out of here." "'Here' as in Halo, right?" Sarge pointed at the mud beneath his feet for emphasis. With every answer Cosmo recieved, ten more questions seemed to appear."Wait, this thing is called Halo? And what interface are we looking for?" "Hold it!"Master Chief spoke in his deep, booming voice."Cortana, the Sargent, and I are looking for Halo's control room. If you can help us get there, maybe you can interface with it and get us all out of here." Fett thought about this for a moment."What's this 'control room' you're looking for?" "It's the central computer that we think will give us acess to Halo's superweapon." Cortana expounded."We hope we can use it against the Covenant to save Earth." Cosmo sat down in the mud, cradeling his head in his hands. This was all too much. He remembered when everything was simple, and the only thing he had to worry about whe he woke up every morning was to make sure he was still alive. Now he didn't have to worry about the Empire, but now he had a million other things to fret over that didn't even make sense. "They sure don't call this place the 'Confuso-verse' for nothing." he mumbled to himself. Sargent Johnson gave him a funny look. "The confuso-what?" Fett gave Cosmo a swift kick to his side, grabbed the scruff of his tunic, and lifted him to his feet. "Don't mention that." he hissed into Cosmo's ear. "We can't let them find out what we're up to." "But why-" "Look, if this control room is anything like the bridge of the Heart of Gold, we might be able to use it to get you home."he whispered. Cosmo looked into the horizantal part of Fett's visor. "You mean use these guys?" "I prefer to think of it as 'oppertunistic cooperation'." Within the Master Chief's helmet, Cortana spoke. "What are they saying?" "I don't know. The one in the armor is using some kind of jamming device." "Uh, I'm the computer here. I think I know a jamming device when I see one." she said indignantly. After a second of silence, Chief asked Cortana, "Still think we can trust them?" "Regardless of whether or not they're trustworthy," she then initiated the external speakers again so the whole group could hear her. "I've picked up some chatter on the Covenant battle-net. They're getting pretty close to finguring out the control room's location. I strongly suggest we all put aside our differences and get there before they do." Cosmo looked at Fett, and then turned to look at Chief and Johnson. He turned to look at Boba again. Then back at the others. "I'll second that." he declaired with a sense of authority and confidence he wished he had. Johnson took out his S2 AM sniper rifle and slid an ammo magazine into it. "Then let's lock-and-load! Those Covenant freaks won't know what hit 'em!" "Not so fast . . ."Cortana said. "According to the Covenant, the control room is about 14 degrees downspin." "Can't you hail down one of our dropships to give us a lift?" Master Chief asked. Cortana was silent for a few seconds. "Not possible. We may be the only human forces left on this part of the ring." "Er, if that's the case, and we can't get to the control room before the evil aliens do, something really bad is going to happen, right?" Cosmo asked. His response was the sound of Johnson forcing air through pursed lips. "Like hell! Those buggers are only gonna blow up the Earth." "What's the Earth?" Johnson's jaw fell and looked at Cosmo as if he was from another planet, which, incidently, he was. "What are you talkin' about? It's Earth. Mankind's homeworld." It's called the 'Confuso-verse' for a reason, Cosmo reminded himself. "Uh, right." he said unconvincingly. Boba Fett held up the Infinite Improbability Drive. "We might be able to use this to get there." "What is that, exactly?" Cortana asked. "Well . . . " Fett began. "It doesn't make much sense to me, but it's supposed to generate an infinite ammount of improbability, and makes stuff move really fast." There was a dumbfounded silence as everybody waited for someone to make sense of this statement. "That doesn't seem physically possible." Cortana broke the silence. Boba held out the golden box, gesturing toward the smoldering wreakage that used to be the Heart of Gold. "Tell the people that built that. I flew it myself, and it was pretty shabla fast!" Cortana sighed. "Okay, Chief. Put me down on the box." The Master Chief pulled Cortana's main hardware component out of his helmet, and set her on the gold box. As he set her down, the hologram of a slender young woman with short-cropped hair materialized, about six inches tall. She glowed a blue-ish lavender, and on closer inspection, one could see the lines of computer code running up and down her tiny figure. "Wow . . . " she uttered, genuinely impressed. "Apparently, this device generates an infinite ammount of improbability, that when channeled, can cause it to occupy every concievable point in the universe for a single point in time. So you could program it to trasport you anywhere in the universe almost instantaniously!" Cortana's hologram appeared to quiver with excitement. Sargent Johnson was unimpressed. "So? Can we get a move on already?" Cortana crossed her arms and glared at Johnson with a look of contempt. "Fine. Ignore the amazing scientific ramifications of this discovery." She placed her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. "Here goes something." There was a brilliant blast of light that enveloped the band, and they each became vaguely aware of no longer existing. Cosmo once again discovered himself wheeling through a vast expanse of nothingness. Tumbling through the darkness, he slamed unforgivingly into a solid, flat surface. "Ow . . ." he moaned as he got to his feet. "Well, at least there's breathable air here." he murmered to himself. Funny on how one concentrates on the positive when everything seems to be as bad as it gets. Somewhere to his right, a light appeared. It looked like a red neon sign that read, BE AFRAID. Cosmo almost had a heart attack, but managed to calm down from being scared to death to only being scared wittless. His heart beat slowed to its regular rate as he looked around nervously. As he did, more words flashed at him. BE VERY AFRAID. And he was. * * * To Be Continued . . . Tomorrow . . . Chapter IV - 'The Dark Man Cometh'! -----signature----- "Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for." -Smoking Man, 'The X-Files'
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G__Anakin Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 3/19/07 4:45pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Great job -----signature----- Master to tahiriveilax - - - My fanfic - - - Fate of the Jedi - Abyss : http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30246540/p1/ Yeah, I used the real title for the next book. Beware Omen Spoilers.
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 3/19/07 5:42pm Subject: RE: The Lord of the Rings That Loved Me Strikes Back From the Planet of the Apes-!Crossover Chaos!
	Excellent post. Dark man huh? -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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