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Author Topic: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) FINAL UPDATE!
Eon-Wan-Mome_NT 
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 12/22/07 9:48pm Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6" (Groening's characters replace Lucas's)UPDATED 1
Hey Shadowknight! Sorry it's been a while since the last update. Got caught up in all this
Christmas rush.

Yes, Bart will be kicking some ass soon. But for now, well..just read on grin



*****
Bart and the Gammorean guard find themselves surrounded by rocky walls. Above them, a steel

grate is covering the trap door hole. They can see between the steel cross sections the

laughter and mockery taking place on the palace floor above. Creatures are pointing down at

them and laughing in hysterics. Even other Gamorreans were yuking it up, cruelly laughing

at what is soon to be the death of one of their own kind.


Lisa’s soft and pleading face is among the horrid scorning faces. It is a pleasant contrast

to those other faces, and Bart finds comfort in her pitying eyes. Poor Gammorean dude

that’s with Bart, his brothers in species have no pity from him. We’ll just call him

Chucky! And Chucky’s pals are bastards!


From down at the other end of this underground chamber, Bart and Chuckie hear a loud and

hungry roar. It grows louder as a heavy clumping sound approaches them as well. Soon, Bart

and Chucky press themselves back against the stone wall, trying to get as far away as

possible from an encroaching creature. Its eight foot legs shake loose rocks down from the

walls as they clump to the floor. This gargantuan thing with long crab-like claws for hands

is snarling at the two as it bends its elongated face down to greet them. It opens its

mouth to reveal what appears to be a set of one hundred sharp teeth as it releases a

deafening roar of starving agony.



“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” screams Bart.



“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” squeals Chucky.



It’s a chilling, life or death moment for these two! And the first to face this challenge

is Chucky! Deno the rancor grabs poor Chucky, scooping him up with one hand and raising him

to his mouth to devour as if he were a candy bar. Chucky releases one final scream before

he is swallowed whole. His buddies upstairs share a mean and cruel laugh at this.



Deno turns his head to Bart and shoots him a vicious smile. The nervous Jedi picks up

stones and bones that lie on the ground before his feet. He throws these things one by one

across this deadly den while shouting “Here boy! Go fetch!” But Deno lets these things

pass before his eyes. His eyes focus only on Bart. And Bart groans in defeat.



Now, it is Bart who is in this creature’s hand. Up he goes towards Deno’s mouth as he tries

to calm himself with the Force. Think unscary thoughts, think unscary thoughts!

Bart envisions himself watching Friday the 13th part 1. When the victims of the killer

die, very little blood is shed. And the scene where Jason’s mother has her head chopped off

looks totally fake. That movie was so lame. It really was unscary! Next he sees

himself on at a Tatooine amusement park, riding a roller coaster made for kids his size. He

isn’t tall enough for the ‘big kid’ roller coaster, so he sits with his arms folded, bored

as can be as this cart he sits on goes up some small hills and down small hills. That

coaster was so weak. Real unscarry! And finally, Bart envisions himself watching one

of those lame 1970’s Old Republic vampire flicks. How stupid can these be, vampires

dancing at discos, there large ‘Dracula’ collar fitting right in! There was one where the

vampire was some John Travolta clone, combing his hair in the bathroom and spraying his

mouth with breath freshener, preparing for his date his teeth are to have with a neck.

Now this is totally unscary!…..Hey, Wait a minute…


In a calm state of mind, an idea comes to Bart and just in the nick of time, for he is

starring right inside the open mouth of Deno. It is this last vision from which the idea

spawns. He quickly whips out his Krusty the Clown breath spray. Before he can be shoved

inside this creatures mouth, he sprays this toxic chemical of Krusty’s onto Deno’s tongue.

The rancor howls in nauseating pain as he covers his mouth with both of his hands, dropping

Bart in the process. The Jedi Kid falls on his two feet unharmed. As Deno bends over to

hurl, Bart makes a run for it.



“Thanks again Krusty!” he says outloud, referring to his deathly mouth spray “Once again

you have saved my life!”



To the other side of this den he dashes. There, he finds a sealed door with a switch lever

next to it. He lifts the switch and the steel door, with its base of sharp points

resembling metal teeth, begins to rise. As soon as it clears four feet, he dashes

underneath into the previously sealed off confines only to run into a cage wall.

“Doh!” he exclaims as he grasps his hands inside the grid spaces as shakes the bars. Two

men, of the serious Neanderthal kind, are on the other side and they rush to the cage door

and smack down on Bart’s fingers with their primitive wooden clubs. As he sucks on his

throbbing fingers, he hears that fateful growl behind him.



“ROOOOOAAAAARR!”



Deno is a few meters away from him! All the creatures above cheer and howl, for surely,

they assume, the death of Bart is minutes away! Lisa looks down anxiously, hoping for

Bart’s life that he find some way out of this mess. Boba Fitt is arriving on the scene and

even he doesn’t want to see Bart done away by the Rancor. Only by my hands must that

boy die! As he reaches for his gun, The Hutt hollers to him.


“Hey Bounty Hunter, this is a Convention Center, not a barn. I insist you hustle your

mandalorian butt back to the bathroom and flush away your sickening debree!”


So Fitt, a.k.a. Sideshow Bob, rushes back to the bathroom to flush, all the while mumbling

under his breath “Me forgetting to flush barely added to the already atrocious

smell of your sickening den of depravity!”


Meanwhile, Bart is scaling the wall, placing foot over foot on the rocky protrusions. He

hopes to climb higher than the rancor can reach. So far, he has reached the height of some

electrical box, which is only about 10 feet high. Not high enough! And Deno’s hand is

open and his claws are soon to close in on Bart.



Boba Fitt is now back in place, looking down into the den at Bart. He must act quickly, for

the rancor’s claws are about to do him in. He aims is gun as Bart screams in fright.


AHHHHHHHHHH!!!


BLAST! BLAST! BLAST! BLAST!


His gunfire misses Bart and does quite a bit of damage to the electrical box. Sparks are

flying everywhere as Deno holds the Jedi right over his open mouth. All he has to do is

release his fingers and Bart will sail down into his tummy like a pill.



Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak! SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!! “URRRRRRRRGGGHH!”



The damage in the control box causes the gate with the steel tooth base to slide down

and smash its sharp points into Deno’s back. Bart slips through Deno’s dying fingers and

falls on his tounge. The rancor’s head comes crashing down to the ground and it’s mouth

closes in the process. His top row of teeth comes slamming down around Bart. The lucky kid

just happens to be lying in an area when the teeth miss him. He is there, caught between

two pressed down canines that cut into the tongue and spill a lot of blood.



Deno is dead.



Creatures, hunters and scum from up above howl in rage as Bart reaches his hand across his

forehead to wipe his sweat away.


“Pfft! I had this sucker licked the whole time!” he declares in bravado.


Lisa is smiling while all the others are frowning and huddling over the steel grate and

looking down at the poor deceased rancor. So many people have closed into the areas so that

Boba Fitt can’t get close enough to see Bart. He knows he is still alive and he’s mad as

hell!



“Let me though, you ingrates, I must shoot the boy!”



But they budge not! Comic Book Guy the Hutt is mad as hell also. He sends word to the two

very Neanderthal men below to lock Bart up right away. They oblige and pull the brat out

from the dead Rancor’s mouth and throw him into a cell that exists on their side of the

caged door. Boba Fitt once again fails in his attempt to do away with Bart.



The two Neanderthals come back and stand over the dead Deno. They are in mourning.


“Sniff! Sniff!, Hey Fred, Deno was great, wasn’t he?”

“Sure was, Barney! There was no other rancor like him!”


Suddenly, a loud whistle blows and these two very Neanderthal men instantly forget their

grief. It is quitting time, and Fred’s barbaric roar of excitement echoes off all the

chamber walls. “YABBA DABBA DOO!”



The two rush off, without cleaning up the mess. Deno’s corpse just lies there. His puke is

still spread out all over the other section of this den. Some kind of blobby chunk of

matter had been hurled out of the rancor. My gosh, the blob is moving! Did Deno throw up a

living blob? No! But he did throw up Chucky! Good ole Chucky, as he was swallowed whole

and not mashed to death by teeth, is still alive, although he is covered in quite a mess.

He’ll be alright, though. Nothing bad will happen to him! (The author of this story just

didn’t have the heart to kill him off, not with the cruel way his friends were laughing at

him in the face of death. He will have the last laugh!)


********************


While Bart is being arrested and processed in the Hutt Convention Center, Darth Tater is

sprawled out on his back on the hot desert sand. He really wants to keep his burning eyes

closed (his mask was off), but Tatooine’s two suns pierce at his eyelids. The sick and

squinting Sith Lord tries to brush away the sun rays with his hands as if they are

mosquitoes.



Yes, Tater is waking up from a hang over from hell. A very rough, drunk and illuminating

night he had at Moe’s, and the illumination was too bright! (Wait a minute! Tater was at

Moe’s two nights ago! Oh well, we’ll just say he slept a whole day away.) Revelations are

swirling around in his head, making him feel so dizzy!



“Mom!” he moans as his head falls over and hangs down off the hood. “I’m stuck in the

dryer again! Everything’s going round, and round and….”


Tater raises his head in mid-moan. Something he just said doesn’t make sense.


“Wait a minute! I never had a mother! So why do I remember such a sweet, loving hippie of

a woman pampering me?”


Oh wait, I bet this is ‘Homer’s’ mother I’m remembering! Oh how did everything get so

confusing? Now I have two lives to remember! And I have enough trouble remembering one!


To further confuse Tater, a whisper from the Force invades his mind, telling him another

one of those stupid ‘always two there are’ riddles Flanders and Yoda used to bewilder him

with. (another Homer recall! He remembers one time seeing camels in this desert and he

had counted them: one, two…three! Doh! How come it’s never two like stupid Flanders said)

So the Force said unto Homer “Always two there are, a father and a mother.”


“Right, Force!” Tater replies. “I’ll count: Mother-one! Father-two, and…I sense being

conceived by the seed of some unknown hippie at a love fest here in these sands-three!

Doh! Three again! Sigh! Well, I sense some kind of father, a ‘dad’ if you will, here on

this planet! I will seek him out and find out all I can about this ‘Homer’ that I’m

supposed to be.”



Back on the Imperial Sand Dune Hover Buggy he sits his keester and to Tatooine’s

Springfield Retirement Center Tater goes! His helmet and mask are on, he is truly in dark

form! Residents drop dead from heart attacks as he passes them in the hall. Surely, they

think, this black figure is Death coming for them, and their hearts give into fear. It’s a

self fulfilling collective prophecy.


Darth Tater kicks in the door to his father’s room. The very old Abe Simpson is rocking in

his chair, facing away from the door and toward the window, where he is mentally critiquing

every teenager who passes by outside. Since he’s a little hard of hearing, he doesn’t

respond to the sound of his door slamming open. But he does pick up on another sound that

fills his room. It is accompanied by a stench as well.



GURGLE GURGLE GURGLE! PSSSSST! GURGLE GURGLE GURGLE! PSSSSST!

GURGLE GURGLE GURGLE! PSSSSST! GURGLE GURGLE GURGLE! PSSSSST!



“Is that you, Gladys?” Abe moans. “Don’t tell me your back on the prunes?”


“NO,” Tater says in his James Earl Jones Sith voice. “I’m not on a mission for prunes!”


“Oh boy!” Abe shouts in glee. “I hear the voice of that black man on ‘Gabriel’s Fire!’ I

can’t believe a celebrity Senior is living here.”


So Abe spins around to see the face of that matches up with the James Earl Jones’s voice.

He is so surprised to see the face of the masked Darth Tater!


“Eeee GAD!” He screams. “W-w-who are you?”


“Never mind! I’ve come to hear about Homer J. Simpson! Tell me about him. I know you are

his father!”



“Is my boy in trouble again? That fool was always screwing things up! Now he’s gone and

got some dark, ominous, Death-like guy after him. Wait a minute! This Death-Guy is right

here. I should be more scared! Help! HELP!!!!!!”


“You waste your breath with those cries for assistance. Perhaps you have forgotten where

you’re at! This is an old folk’s home! No one responds to crying and wailing at these

places!”



“Ohhhhh, you’re so right! If I could see Homer right now I’d strangle him! First there was

his bratty son here bothering me and asking me about him. Now he’s got me mixed up with

you. I’m to old to fight his battles! Ohhh I wanna go to the bathroom!”



“Just a minute! Did you say his son was here? Do you mean, Bart Simpson was here, on this

planet?”



“Damn straight! And if I had the energy, I’d have whipped his but behind the woodshed. Oh

but they don’t make woodshed’s no more. Have to build one first. I used to know a lumber

guy who worked the Kashyyyk planet. Damn wookies kept defending their stupid trees. If I

saw one of those Wookies I’d tell them a thing or two. Why I’d… .ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!”

Abe’s head falls back, his mouth drops open, drool hits the floor and he sleeps.



“WAKE UP OLD MAN!” Tater demands as he screams in his hear.



“AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Abe screams with a start. He looks again at Tater,

forgetting that he met him before is spontaneous doze. “W-w-who are you? Ahhhhh!

Deaaaaaaaaaaaaath!”



“I was asking about Bart Simpson! What did he want with you?”



“He wanted to know about his father. So I told him what a big jerk he was! I told him….”


And Abe goes on and on babbling about every ‘Idiot-Syncrasy’ that made up Homer.



“And then on his 13th birthday, the dummy shoved a hose up his butt. Thought he could be a

fountain and watch the water spray out his mouth. Then the next day, he got his cereal

bowl stuck to his face. 99 apple jacks went up his nose. And then that afternoon,..”


“STOP! I have heard enough! And you told all this to Bart?”


“I sure did! And I gotta say..”


“NO! You will never speak again!” And Darth Tater locks his father’s throat with the

Force. As Abe gasps his last breaths, Tater removes his mask. Abe’s last words as his eyes

widen in surprise are “Son?”



The last thing Bart needs to hear is what a jerk Homer was. That’s why your dead, dad!

But.. maybe I am not this Homer? I am now entering the denial stage. All those visions I

had and all those eye witness accounts of me being ‘Homer’ I will deny! Here in this

stage, I will stay! Screw Anger stage, I already got plenty of that! Screw the Depression

stage, that’s that ancient period history where men like my dead dead ramble about not

having enough money for two shoes . And screw the acceptance stage! Cant accept what I

deny!


So Tater leaves his father’s room, leaves his dad dead on the floor. He leaves the

retirement center secure in the bubble of his denial? Not! For Homer Simpson continues to

haunt his memories!



“DOH!!!!!!!”



Darth Tater reluctantly takes ‘Homer J. Simpson’ with him as the two of them cruise the

Sands aimlessly, going nowhere, just..going. Man is there a lot of weight on that buggy!

(The memories of Tater are quite heavy!)


******


The processing of the prisoner Bart does not take long at all. For Comic Book Guy the Hutt

is not planning on having this Jedi-wannabe brat a long time resident of his prison

system. The less time in the Hutt’s keep the better, for his mere presence disturbs him,

even if he is shut away in a dark chamber many layers below him. Something has to be done

with this Simpson kid now! And his sentiments for Millhouse and Nelson are the same!

Something must be done with them immediately.



So guards usher Bart back up to the Hutt’s chamber. Millhouse and Nelson are already there,

standing with their hands cuffed with Gammoreans guarding them as well. It’s been ages

since Bart and Millhouse have had a chance to talk face to face! Not since they parted ways

at the Hoth base have these two been together. They have a lot of catching up to do.



“Hey Millhouse my man! Been a long time, dude! What’s hanging?”


“Are lives..by a thread! I’m serious, Bart. My Hutt daddy’s not messing around this time.”



Lisa is there also and she looks frightened for them. So does Luanne, but she tries not to

show it.



“Son, you know your daddy wouldn’t kill you! Er….” She smiles nervously while looking at

her Hutt of a husband, “Isn’t that right, Jeff, sweetie?”



The Hutt sneers in anger. “That name is never to be uttered from your lips again!

Addressing me as such is getting way to personal. Remember my lowliness, you are merely a

wife, one of several, a mere item to complete a collection. You possess not the worth nor

the beauty to address me as Jeff Albertson!”



“Jeff Albertson?” Bart comments. “Oh man, that name is just too close to Fat Albert!”



Millhouse and Lisa motion to Bart to shut up. But Bart listens to them not. He listens only

to the laughter his remark is receiving around the room. He heeds not the warning the

comes from the restrained hatred that is mounting in the Hutt’s eyes. He takes not the time

to consider that ramifications the can come from insulting a Hutt. And he heeds not the

Hutt’s warning.



“Your similarities to Charles Bronson are nill, except that you have a ‘Death Wish’! To

concurrently quote the two non graphic alter-egos of The Incredible Hulk, David Banner

a.k.a Bill Bilxby and Bruce Banner, a.k.a Eric Bana, ‘Don’t make me angry, for you would

not like me when I’m angry!’


His mind is too jumpy to take anything the Hutt has said in. He just goes on with another

joke.



“What’s with that stare, big guy? Do I amuse you, Albert the ‘Fatt’ or did some one take

away all your ‘Hey Hey Heys” and replace them with “Gay, Gay Gays?”



Laughter fills the room. The Hutt is fuming as Lisa shouts “Bart, stop it!”


As usual, he is not paying attention to her advice. He is not paying attention to anything

but his jokes.



“What’s with that Goatee? Is that hair you wish was on your head? Oh an I’m sorry about

your Rancor being killed. Hope you can just flush his remains down the toilet. From looking

at your ass, I’m sure your toilets are big enough!”



Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!


“That’s it!!!” The Hutt roars. “you three are to be terminated immediately! And to think,

Millhouse, before your comedian friend opened his mouth and went on his revolting rampage

of this so called humor, I was going to have your butts tanned then send you off in the two

dimensional space prison known as the Phantom Zone. The most notable inhabitants of this

prison were General Zod and his two cronies. In this prison, the three of you three would

orbit the galaxy with your naked rears pressed against the transparent cage. The red shines

of your tanned rears would rival the red shine of any sun. You three would have been most

uncomfortable, but you would not have aged nor felt the need for substinence.”



“Oh I wouldn’t have like that!” Millhouse says. “I was uncomfortable by myself in that

laminate prison. I would have really hated to be cramped inside a two dimenstional pane

with Bart and Nelson.”



“Well Millhouse, that fate no longer concerns you!” Comic Book Guy the Hutt says. “You

don’t have to worry about that, in fact you will never have to worry again. For you will be

dead, and the dead do not worry!”



“Ohhhhhh!” Millhouse moans


Lisa’s face disappears into her hands. Nelson growls and reaches over and slaps Bart

across the head.



“Nice going, Simpson! If you weren’t already going to die, I’d kill you!”



Luanne again motions to her husband. “Your Worship, I m-must have heard you wrong. It

sounded as if you said they were all going to die, including Millhouse.”



“There was nothing wrong with your hearing. Though your ears are far inferior to those of a

Vulcan, you have heard correctly. The three will die! They will be desposited into the pit

of Carcoon. There, they will be introduced to a new definition of pain, for the pit of

Carcoon is the nesting place for the almighty sarlacc. In it’s belly, these three will

digested for over a 1000 years, which is just about as long as it takes a human to digest a

McDonald’s Big Mac.”



“But I don’t want to be digested in a Sarlac belly!” Millhouse whines.



“Well you should have thought of that before you decided to be born!” The Hutt says.



“PLEASE!!!” Luanne begs. “Don’t do this to him! He is a child!”



“My mind is made up. Besides, this gives me an all new direction to take with my production

of The Radio Active Man film. He will be dressed in his Fall Out Boy suit, and Fall Out

Boy will die! Down into the pit he will go and Radio Active man is driven mad with revenge

for being all tied up and not being able to save him. Yes, it is all coming together now!”



“Noooooo!” Luanne cries.



“Gaurds, suit this annoying woman up in an apron and shove her into the Sail Barge

Kitchen. For we will all sail on it out into the Dune Sea. There, we will resume the

filming while watching these three die!”



So the Gamorreans haul the screaming Luann away. And next is Bart, then Nelson, and then

Millhouse. Finally, everyone else rushes to go outside and board the Hutt’s Sail Barge.

But Boba Fitt is left behind. Why? While that dozer had been sleeping in the corner

throughout this whole incident, missing another opportunity to kill Bart.



*****





KANG We’re back, Earthing readers! My sibling and I just could not

pass up the chance to comment on the death sentence of your oh so beloved heroes!


KODOS: We apologize if we are rudely interrupting your moments

for ‘boo hoo hooing!’ over your heroes with our callous attitude! NOT!!!!



KODOS AND KANG:Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!


KANG It’s too bad these kids missed the opportunity to be sent to

the Phantom Zone. It would have thrilled me to my tentacles to see Bart, Millhouse and

Nelson flattened out inside that pane!


KODOS:I know what you mean! The one we have imprisoned in the

Phantom Zone is starting to bore me! No expression of fear, nothing! The one just

observes and observes for over 10 years now, not aging, not doing anything!


KANGBut don’t worry Kodos, soon it will be time to free the prisoner

and the one will bore you no more! In the meantime, let us amuse ourselves by watching how

these kids will try to escape their death sentence.



KODOS: And maybe they will pull it off! A miracle can always drop

upon them from the skies above! Let us see…



********TO BE CONTINUED*****************

 

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"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
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Shadowknight1 
Registered: Jun '03
41724_Anakin Skywalker
Date Posted: 12/25/07 7:00pm Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6" (Groening's characters replace Lucas's)UPDATED 1
ROFL, I did NOT see the Flintstones reference coming! Nice work, though I feel sorry for Abe Simpson.

 

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http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/19194561/p16
Star Wars The Twilight Saga
Part II: The Infinite Darkness
Coming Soon, Part III: A Hope Rises
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reagan64 
Registered: Feb '06
18589_Missile Boat
Date Posted: 12/27/07 10:56am Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6" (Groening's characters replace Lucas's)UPDATED 1
Hehe, I loved the Flintstones entry. It hadn't occured to me what "Dino" was (besides the Rancor of course) until Fred and Bareny came on the scene. You captured those two perfectly! The scene with Tater and Abe was good too. Gotta love those two interacting.

I wonder how they'll get out of this one. Somehow, I don't count on Bart saving the day.

 

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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT 
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 1/3/08 8:17pm Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6" (Groening's characters replace Lucas's)UPDATED 1

HAPPY NEW YEAR AMIGOS!!!! Hope 2008 is off to a good start for you Shadowknight and Reagan.

Sorry again for the time between the updates, but I was away for the New Year holidays. I left my home planet of Chicago to visit the Seattle System. I went on board that thing in the sky that looks a little like Bespin. (Oh yeah, the Space Needle! Hee Hee!


I'm glad you guys liked the Flintstones bit. Funny, if I remember correctly, I think I threw those references in last minute. Guess the stuff I don't think about much is the funniest.

Anyway, let's move on!!



***************

Several vessels are sailing across the sandy dunes, passing by herds of bantha , traveling

through sandy whirlwinds, all while reflecting the searing rays of the two mighty suns.

This is wild territory out here, the perfect setting to spawn a chaotic and violent

uprising!



In the meantime, our imprisoned heroes just go along with the flow of this sand hovering

skiff that air bounces along these dunes. There’s not much they can do now but stand there

among the guards until it is time for…Well, who knows what it will be time for after that.

Time to drop to their deaths? Time to somehow escape this fate? Or time to shamefully beg

for their lives. Millhouse for sure wants to know. Nelson, standing to the right of him is

telling him nothing. And Bart, on his left, hasn’t said anything either. And after what

Bart did back in the Convention Center, he certainly owes him some type of rescue.



“So tell me Bart, what’s the plan? You were such a big shot back in the chamber! So now why

don’t you tell me how you are going to get out of this situation that you

created.”



“Need I remind you, Millhouse” Bart says “the reason we are all here is to save your sorry

butt.”



“Well, you’re sure doing a hell of a job of it. Bart, we’re all gonna die!”



“Millhouse my man, if my hands weren’t cuffed I’d rest slap your shoulder in reassurance.

Have I ever let you down? Remember before we arrived on Hoth and you got your head stuck in

the banister bars? Now who was it that got you out?”



Millhouse sighs. “You did.”


“Correct! And who told those Rebel Sector 9 girls to lay off beating you up until you

lunch was fully digested?”


Millhouse hands his head. “You did.”


“Correct again!”



Millhouse smiles just a bit. “You know, I don’t ever deserve a friend like you”


“Yeah I know but what the hell!” Bart replies.



“No I’m serious, I’m not there enough for you as you are for me. Cancun for instance,

I’m really sorry about not meeting you there. You were probably waiting there for me all

alone.”



Bart thinks for a moment. He never made it to Cancun either. He spent his summer on that

swampy planet with Yoda. But that Millhouse! All the time he swamped away in Dagobah,

Millhouse was supposed to be feeling lonely all by himself waiting for Bart!

That was one of the reasons he left Yoda in the first place, his guilt for not meeting up

with him caused him to feel responsible for his capture. But the jerk never showed up!

But since Millhouse doesn’t know about me not showing up either, then I’ll used that

against him!



“Yeah, that was really rude, dude!” Bart scolds. “You owe me big time for that! I even had

a beach chair reserved for you!”



“I’m sorry. I got caught up…inside that plastic package.”



“Well you could have had your packaged ass shipped to Cancun. The sun still would have

still shined on you through the clear package! And you would have mad a helluva raft!”


“Again’ I’m sorry!”


“Oh never mind! I found a new best friend! He used that reserved chair! And he’s 20 times

cooler than you are!”


“Oh really?” Millhouse says in an icy voice. “And what is his name?”


“Er…it’s, um…Think think, he already knows about Yoda. I told him about him in that ice

castle on Hoth.. Yo-da…ddy! Yeah! Yo Daddy, the most hippest hipster in the outer

rim!”



“Well then!” Millhouse responds with jealousy, “Then why didn’t you just stay with him?”


“I should have! This is your fault we’re dying!”


“No Bart, it’s your fault! And what happened to that plan you had? I thought you were going

to rescue us from death!”



“Well I lied!”


“Then you’re a liar!”


“And you’re a creep!”


“You’re a double creep”



As Bart and Millhouse ‘creep’ away, Nelson howls away at the suns. He has way too much hair

on his body to be exposed this long to the heat. He is not singing any happy sailing songs

that’s for sure! The skiff guard that stands next to him takes it upon himself to hold a

large beach umbrella over the wookie’s head. His hands are burning as they grip the searing

steel post of the umbrella that is conducting way to much heat. But he sacrifices, for he

feels this whole situation is his fault. Yes, skiff guard Kirk Van Houten in here with them.


***

Besides the skiff with the prisoners and those who guard them, several more sail these

sands, serving to protect the main vessel from any possible invasions. Gunners are at

their guns, for nothing is going to attack Comic Book Guy the Hutt’s personal Sail Barge!

This cruise liner is 10 times the size of the skiffs. It has a few decks, several rooms and

a lot of entertainment. The scummy comic book dealers and wanna be artists drink away,

getting so drunk that they fight each other just for the hell of it. Gambling is rampant,

and losers are shooting holes in the heads of the winners. It is and atmosphere of love

and singing away, reflecting this loving atmosphere is Sy Snootles! She sings such an

appropriate song: Love Boat Theme Lyrics


“Love, exciting and new, Come aboard we’re expecting you”


As she sings this line, A Toydarian flies on in through a panel opening, only to be

sprinkled with a confetti of lasers


“Love, life’s sweetest reward, Let it flow, it floats back to you”


As she sings this line, An angry Gran (Goat Face) fires a ‘flowing’ laser at a Quarren

(Squid Head) who holds up a mirror that deflects the blast, sending it flowing back into

the Gran’s brain.



“Love Boat soon will be making another run

The Love Boat promises something for everyone”


As she sings this line, a vindictive Aqualish selling ‘beating’ weapons ‘promises’ to have

a ‘beater’ for everyone! He spots a nervous C3PO-Martin rushing along among a motley crew

of passengers. The Aqualish declares it to be “Galatic ‘smash a protocol droid day’”

and offers half price discounts on his weapons. Creatures of all kinds buy up clubs,

ghaffi sticks, maces and hammers. They chase poor Martin, eventually cornering him. The

ugliest of the ugliest mugs stare menacingly at the poor droid who wonders what he did to

deserve this treatment. Weapons are raised high in the air as Martin bends down, feeling

waving his arms before him to protect himself from the blow.


Just as Martin is about to get the most painful beating of his life, the Snack Time bell

rings, making the strangest of sounds!



DONG! Hee hee! DONG! Hee hee! DONG! Hee hee! DONG! Hee hee!


All the beasts that are ready to thrash Martin abandon the beating to rush over to the

snack table and stuff their ugly faces. Martin sighs in relief, after which he

contemplates the sound of the ringing bell. There is something very familiar with the

tones!



It rings again. DONG! Hee hee! DONG! Hee hee! DONG! Hee hee!



C3PO-Martin looks in the direction from which the ringing has originated. There, to his

surprise, he sees an upside down R2-Ralphie-D2 inserted to the swinging clapper of a bell.

His hallow insides (You know, just like the old Action figure of R2D2 which one could put

one’s fingertips like a thimble) made for a perfect opening for the clapper’s end to screw

into. And when this clapper swung back and forth pendulum style to whack it’s upper

structure against the inner walls of the bell, little R2 on the lower structure went on a

fun ride!



“R2-Ralphie-D2!” Martin shouts. “What are you doing up there succumbing to frequent fits of

hilarity when I am suffering down here?”



Ralphie replies “I made bell noises for Kearny Jr. so he assigned be to be an ornament for

the Sail Barge Snack Bell.”



“Of for heaven’s sake! Here I was worried that you were being subjected to all kinds of

brutal torture. Instead you are having a ball!”



“Not a ball, Hemorrhoid, a bell!”


“I AM NOT A HEMORRHOID! And I just meant, oh never mind! Get down from there! All the

electrodes will rush to your head and make you dizzy!”


And it just so happens that a fastening strap around R2’s trunk breaks and he falls down,

right on top of Martin. The poor golden droid lies on the ground with a heavy Ralphie on

top of him, wondering when this abuse will ever end.


***


Lisa’s last duty in the Convention Center was to serve food and drinks to the motley

masses. Now she is on board the Sail Barge and her duty is: to serve food and drinks to the

motley masses! She grumbles as she walks along, collecting back spit from sloppy drinkers.

She is on her way to deliver a drink to someone who has managed to obtain a private room.

If she only stays in that room a few seconds, it will still be a treat to be away from the

ugly crowds.


She makes it to the room and gently taps on the closed door. The occupant does not hear

the tap, perhaps due to the loud crying Lisa hears coming from the inside. She knocks a

little bit louder, prompting a female voice to respond in a teary voice, “Come in!”

Once inside, Lisa sees Luanne Van Houten slumping miserably inside a chair. Her eyes are

bloodshot.



“Um, h-here is your drink Mrs. Van Houten, er, I mean, Mrs. Hutt.”


“Please don’t refer to me as Mrs. Hutt.” She says as she sucks back sniffles. “I am

ashamed of that name. Just..go. Leave the drink on the table and…smack me over the head

with the bottle and put myself out of this misery!”



With that, Luanne drops her face into her hands and weeps violently. Lisa walks up to her

and puts a hand on her shoulder, trying to think of something comforting to say. But alas,

the situation looks so bleak. Despite the hopelessness of the situation, Lisa forces her to

spit out words she hardly believes herself. “Please, I’m sure everything will be alright.”



“Oh how can you say that? I’m about to lose my only son! Oh I’m such a terrible mother!

A terrible, terrible mother!” And she goes on boo hoo hooing.



“Don’t be to down on yourself, Mrs, er..Mrs. Millhouse mom, it’s not your fault. It’s..”



“Yes it is! It’s all my fault! It’s my fault for marrying that cruel beast! And here I

thought that hooking up with the Hutts would be a good move for me and my son’s future.

Now, he wants to kill him! How could I be so stupid?” And more cries leave her mouth.



“With all do respect ma’am, it’s not the time to weep. We have to be strong and think hard,

there is still time to figure out a way to rescue Millhouse.”



“Oh but how?”


“Well…..” she thinks. “I’m sure Bart has something up his sleeve. He is a Jedi after all,

and..”



“But what can I do, what can we do here, on this Sail Barge, while the boys are out there

on that other thing, sailing away to their deaths?”



“Hmmm. We might not be able to help them on their front, but we can do our best right

here!”



“What do you mean?” Luanne asks as she stifles her sobbing.


“I have a plan. Do you still have that tie you bought for you husband.”


“Yes, I just can’t throw it away even though he hates it and refuses to wear it.”


“I think you can get him to wear it at least one time. Here’s why and what we are going to

do….Pssssst psssst psssst psssst”


And Lisa silently whispers the plan to Luanne.


***



BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

Sideshow Bob’s wake up alarm goes off inside his Boba Fitt helmet. His upper torso shoots

up. His head dashes in multiple directions. There is hardly anyone in the Hutt’s

Convention Center chamber, not even the Hutt! He immediately jumps to his feet.



Where in the name of Krusty’s smelly boots is everybody?


With no one else to ask, he turns and directs a question to Sally Struthers, who is still

confined in the package with several other ‘celebrities’.


“Hey fatty! Where the hell did everyone go!”


“Don’t make fun of my weight!” She yells. “It’s bad enough to be this fat, but its even

worse when you eat up all the bags of rice that are meant for the starving children that

you support. And that’s what I did! WAHHHHHHHHH!” She cries on in the obnoxious way of her

alter ego Gloria from All in the Family.


It takes Tim Allen to tell him that everybody went to the Sarlacc to watch Bart and company

be dropped into its tummy. Fitt immediately flies out of there on his rocket pack, anxious

to get away from the likes of Tim Allen, anxious to get to Bart Simpson and kill him before

the others do.



Speaking of Bart Simpson, he is the first in line to be dropped into the clenches of the

Sarlacc’s jaw. For the skiff is now parked and hovering over this monstrous pit that

houses this deadly creature. Millhouse has been dressed up in his Fall Out Boy uniform and

the actor who is playing Radioactive Man is floating over on his personal hovercraft,

while his hairdresser and makeup artist are prettying him up. Camera men are setting up

on the other two skiffs. The death of the boys are to be filmed in a such a sequence so

that it lines up with a new plotline the Hutt just added into the Radio Active Man film.

In fact, Comic Book Guy the Hutt is explaining the situation right now. He shouts into a

megaphone from his throne on the second deck as he looks outside a Sail Barge window.

He is acting as the director.



“Okay, listen up you ‘micro soft’ brained pathetic fools. This is how it is to be. Bart

and the Wookie are to be Fall Out Boy’s first rescuees from his very first ‘Solo’ rescue

mission. Solo of course implying that he had done this without his Radio Active Man

partner. But oh alas! The rescue was all in vain! For the evil Count Nuclear Man has

captured the lot of them, and intends to feed them one by one into the mouth of the Sarlac.

And he shall succeed, starting with the rescued boy, who is to be played by Bart Simpson.

Next, of course, is the Wookie, who is the boy’s pet. (Nelson growls at this. He’s nobody’s

pet). Then finally, Fall Out Boy goes, thereby eliminating the frustration I have to deal

with raising that kid. Radio Active Man is the last victim. But he, of course, never makes

it into the Sarlac. Driven mad with grief and rage, he breaks out of the ropes that bind

him and goes on a vengeful murdering spree! That scene will be filmed later. Right now, it

is time to film and watch the death of this trio of brats!”



Luanne is by her husband’s side. When he finishes his explanation, she speaks to him.


“My darling, I just want you to know that I accept the fact that Millhouse needs to be

punished, even if his punishment is death.”


Comic Book Guy the Hutt looks her over. “Very well. You are a little late with

this ‘acceptance’. But that is to be expected, for you humans are notoriously slow at

catching on to the way of things.”


Luanne puts on a false smile. “Thank you. But I just have one small, teensy request.”


The Hutt looks at her blankly.


“I was hoping that since, well, this will be ‘our’ son’s last minutes alive, that you would

wear the tie I bought you.”


The Hutt frowns.


“I know,” Luanne goes on “that you don’t like it. But it would make Millhouse so happy

during his last moments of life. For him to look over at you before he jumps to his death

and see you wearing the tie, well that would show him that you do indeed care for me. He

would be less worried about leaving me if he had this small reassurance. He would think

his mother was in good hands.”


The Hutt roles his huge eyes.


“Oh please dear, you can tear it apart afterwards. And then, I’ll never bother you with my

feelings again. Pleeease?”


“I ‘Ho hum’ to everything you have just said. But if you keep to your promise of never

allowing your feelings to get in the way of my business and pleasures again, then your

request shall be granted.”


Luanne smiles brightly. “Oh thank you dear, you are such a good husband!”


“Sigh! Need I remind you about your ‘feeling’ promise!” The Hutt says. “I don’t want your

pathetic praise. Praise is a ‘feeling’, it sickens me when it comes from you, and you

make me want to hurl this mornings Captain Lasero Hyperdish cereal all over your dress!”



Luanne simply bows her head in response to this. During her bow, she sneaks a wink toward

the corner of the room. There, Lisa is hiding under a clothed table. She winks back. The

plan is in motion.



***



Elsewhere on the Sail Barge, other heroes try and figure out how they can assist in this

dire situation.


The droids look out a porthole at see the skiff where guards are lining the boys up one by

one before a plank.


“Oh Ralph, I feel as helpless as a prime number trying to divide by zero! There must be

something we can do for Master Bart down there!”


Ralph offers a suggestion. “Maybe I can throw Bart some of these items he left in my safe

box.”



With that, various lights and buzzers activate across his little droid body. Following

this electronic flow, a door in Ralphie’s front opens up. A platform extends out which

beholds a small stuffed dinosaur.


“Ralph! What could Bart possibly do with that at a time like this?”



“You never know…”



POOF!



The dinosaur shoots out of R2 and flies at the skiff, hitting Bart on the head.



“Ow! What the…? Bart rubs his head as soon as the guards unlock his hand cuffs.


“Stuffed dinosaurs are raining on me!” he says. “Groan! But I supposed that’s the least of

my problems now.”


“I hear ya, Bart.” Millhouse says. “And I’m sorry about our arguments a while ago. Before

we die, I’d like to be friends again.”



“I agree.” Bart says. “And hey, listen, about all that Cancun stuff, well..I lied to you. I

never made it either.”


“Well,” Millhouse says. “As long was were confessing things, I gotta say, it wasn’t me who

saved your butt on the Death Star run. It was my mom who did all the work.”



“Well,” Bart says. “If you are telling me that, then I must say: It wasn’t me who blew up

the Death Star. I missed the target and it just…blew up for some mysterious reason. All of

a sudden, it just went……



BAAAM!!!!



A fire cracker explodes in Bart’s face. “AHHHHHH! Son of a Sith! Where did that come

from?”



On board the Sail Barge, Martin scolds Ralphie.


“Why in the square root of infinity did you toss Master Bart a lit fire cracker?”


“Bart likes explosions.” Ralphie answers.


“Yes, but give him something to get him out of this mess. Look Ralph, they’re putting him

on the plank now!”



It is true. This is the moment! Radio Active man is tied up, waiting for his cue to

deliver the opening line to the scene. Camera men, aim their cameras from various

locations. Some are on other skiffs, some are on the top deck of the sail barge. Comic

Book Guy the Hutt slithers over toward a wide porthole. He shouts out into his

megaphone. “The cameras will be rolling any second now. Before they being, I’d like to

take a moment to wish these three brats a most honorable death! However, if any of you wish

to beg for mercy, I will graciously hear your pleas. Please note that I said ‘hear’ your

pleas. I shall not ‘listen’ to them.”



Bart turns his head and scowls at the Hutt. “Hey Jeffrey, you big fat tub or lard! You

ain’t gonna get any such pleasure from us!” He shouts as he looks to his pal Millhouse for

confirmation. “Right?”



“Un Uh!” he shouts. “Begging for mercy is not beneath me! I’ll gladly beg! Oh please let me

beg!!!!”



A roar of laughter comes forth from the drunk and grueling spectators on the Sail Barge.

One of these spectator, who is not drunk nor grueling, shoots another object out to Bart at

this time. Ralphie shoots the glove of Micheal Jackson, which he stole from the Hutt’s

collection of celebrity artifacts. It lands on Bart’s head, sprawled out like a dead crab.

Bart pulls it off, frowns at Millhouse and slaps him across the cheek.



“Millhouse, again you shame me, right up to the moment of my death.”


The guard behind him is holding a spear. He lunges it at Bart’s back, forcing him further

out on the plank. He looks down into the pit. It seems to have no bottom. Several green

tentacles are attached to the sides of it. In the middle is a large plant head that

resembles the Venus flytrap. It opens its green jaws, revealing several sharp teeth and a

long throat that connects to its long body. Falling into this Sarlac’s mouth would mean

a long and painful digestive process for the falling victim. Bart gulps, thinking now that

maybe Millhouse’s begging plan doesn’t seem so bad right now.



The Hutt calls out again. “You have had your time for begging and you have wasted it!”

Millhouse tries to protest as he shouts “I did beg!” but the Hutt ignores him. “Prepare

for your deaths, and camera men, prepare to shoot the scene!”



It is now time. But before going on, let’s see where all our players in this ‘deadly game’

are stationed. Where are all the heroes? We will see, one by one.



>>Kirk Van Houten is on the skiff next to his son in guard uniform. He is waiting; waiting to finally be a hero.


>> Nelson Muntz in standing next to Kirk. His arms have been freed from the cuffs, and he is slapping sand flies who are landing on him and trying to next in his hair.


>>Lisa is still under the table, waiting for Luann’s signal.


>>Luanne Van Houten is pressing her hands together, looking out at her son.


>>Millhouse is front of Nelson in full Fall Out Boy uniform. He is shaking nervously.


>>C3PO-Martin is looking down at the skiff scene, rambling nervously and reciting math theorems.


>>R2-Ralphie-D2 is standing below Martin, picking his electronic nasal shoot.


>>Bart is further down the plank now, a single step away from his death.



Is everybody in? Is everybody in? Is everybody in? The answer is yes, so….The ceremony is

about to begin!


(NOT! Not yet anyway. We must wait until the next update! Sorry to be such a cruel bastard!)



*******TO BE CONTINUED*********

 

-----signature-----
"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes"
My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace
http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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reagan64 
Registered: Feb '06
18589_Missile Boat
Date Posted: 1/4/08 6:09pm Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 1
Hmm. So a simple tie will be the great Hutt's undoing. I'll have to tell my Dad that one.
That still leaves little explanation as to the survival of Bart & Milhouse...and their only firecracker is spent...I'm not sure I trust Ralph to pull something out of the hat.

 

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Shadowknight1 
Registered: Jun '03
41724_Anakin Skywalker
Date Posted: 1/5/08 11:23pm Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 1
Darn it, I hate cliffhangers! And I had a feeling that Bart was making a mistake in trusting Ralph to do something right.

 

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http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/19194561/p16
Star Wars The Twilight Saga
Part II: The Infinite Darkness
Coming Soon, Part III: A Hope Rises
Post Reply | Quote Reply | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History
Eon-Wan-Mome_NT 
Registered: May '03
6634_Darth Homer
Date Posted: 1/8/08 10:25pm Subject: RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 1 - Date Edited: 1/8/08 10:37pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Eon-Wan-Mome_NT
worried Ohhh! You guys are making me worried that the following sequence will not live up to your expectations! I h-h-hope their escape comes off alright! I mean, comes off to my readership. That's you, Reagan and Shadowknight! grin

And me..what did I do? I set it up, like Shadowknight said, like a cliff hanger! I backed myself into a corner, just like Bart himself!


Well...here it is! Enjoy!! I guess you will like happy


*************************



Comic Book Guy the Hutt is ready to start the scene.


“Rolling!” He shouts out, as R2-Ralphie-D2 finds another object on his safe. “I wonder

if Bart would like this?” he squeaks.


“Speed!” The Hutt shouts as Ralph says “Of course he needs that. I’ll shoot it out to him.”


“Action!” The Hutt calls as little Ralph peeps “Here it comes!”


The cameras are rolling and Radio Active man shouts. “I am so trapped! I cannot save Fall

Out Boy and the ones he saved!”


With that, the guard behind Bart jabs his spear for a final time causing Bart to step off

the plank!



“Bart!” Millhouse shouts. “A lightsaber is sailing in the air toward the skiff!”


Upon hearing his, he spins around 180 degrees and catches his hands on the tip of the

plank. The weight of his falling body causes the plank to bend like a diving board. Then,

he uses the plank as a catapult. As it springs back into place, it shoots Bart up and

toward the skiff as he somersaults in the air. Landing on the Skiff on his two feet, he

reaches up just in time to catch the lightsaber. (Gee. Very similar to a movie called

Return of the Jedi!)



“Finally you shine in brilliance!” Martin says to Ralph after witnessing the lightsaber

go into Bart’s hands. “You have finally sent Master Bart something useful!”


“Too bad he didn’t get it. The toothpaste squirted out of the tube, but it just fell on my

body.”


“Toothpaste?!? I thought you shot out the lightsaber?”


“No silly, toothpaste! It tastes yummy!”


“Then, where did the lightsaber come from?” Martin wonders outloud. “Lightsabers don’t

just materialize in mid air!”



Where did the lightsaber come from? Well, there is no time for questions,

for Bart has just ignited this weapon of mysterious orgins. He’s ready to fight and a way

he goes!



(Now readers, imagine this sequence to be happening while a cool version of the Star Wars

action sequence music is filling the air. A sort of sped up version! DA-DA…DA DA-DA…DA )



SWOOSH! SWOOSH! SWOOSH!!! “Whoops, my lightsaber slipped!” Bart smiles as his blade

swings wildly yet precisely as takes out three guards with his trusty lightsaber! “Heh

heh heh!” He is now smiling deviantly as he shouts “I am so with the Force!” as the two

tumble over the side and end up right in the mouth of the Sarlacc. All his friends’ mouths

drop open! They are indeed impressed.



Radioactive Man protests, for he is to be the rescuing star of this scene. Two guards try

to attack Bart while his back is turned, but luckily for him, there is Kirk! He throws his

arms around the necks of the two, struggling to keep each one at bay head lock!



Go Kirk go!!


Comic Book Guy the Hutt is enraged! He pounds his fists and orders everyone and anyone to

do what it takes to stop that Simpson kid! And one person who has just arrived on the

scene is more than happy to comply. Boba Fitt has just soared in on his rocket pack and

landed on the skiff in front of Bart. He pulls out his rifle. “HA HA! Finally,

I will kill you!”


“No Way Jose!” he shouts and with great speed, he swings his blade and slices Fitt’s gun in

half. Fitt grumbles in non-sensical syllables, “Mrblemrblelelklll!” But he quickly

recovers from his frustration and shoots a rope out of his arm, getting Bart all caught up

in a lasso hold.


“Now I have you Bart! Now you will die!”


FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! “What the….” BLAST! BLAST! BLAST! “Ooof!”


A second skiff comes along right next to this one. The cameramen flash their cameras,

temporarily confusing Fitt. Then the cannon operator fires away, hitting and tilting the

Skiff, knocking Fitt out, and shoving Kirk and his two opponents up against the rail of the

leaning skiff; leaning into the pit!



Bart slices his way free from the rope and leaps onto the second skiff and takes the cannon

operator out. The cameras are still on Bart and Radioactive Man is pissed.


“I’m the star here! Those cameras are for me!!!! I’ll get in front of them if it’s the

last thing I do!”


And with that, Radioactive Man leaps for the second skiff, all while he still tied up in

ropes. A camera flashes on him and he is happy, except that, well…his leap falls short, and

down he goes into sandy decline, rolling down into the pit and right into the Sarlac’s

mouth. But he got his wish and it can truly be said that getting in front of the camera is

the last thing he did.



Meanwhile, Kirk’s mask falls off in the scuffle with the two gaurds and there, for the

first time, Millhouse sees that his dad is there helping him out.


“My gosh it’s dad! Nelson, let’s help him!”


So Millhouse and Nelson charge! Each of them slam their head into a guards stomach. The

momentum of their slam coupled with the lean of the skiff sends the two over the rails. The

problem is, when they fall they take Kirk with him!



“NO!!!” Millhouse shouts! “Not daddy!”


Luanne is watching this whole series of event. She was surprised to see her ex-husband!

She is touched that he came to help his son out. And she is surprisingly worried after

seeing him tumble over the edge. I still have feelings for that…loser!

A tear falls down her cheek as she hears her fat husband laughing behind her.



“HO HO HO! Perhaps now he will finally be of use,” says the Hutt, referring to Kirk, “The

Sarlac is not very picky! And even if he is all chewed up inside its belly, I will still

send a lawyer down after him to hand him another summons!”



This is the last straw! Luanne really hates the thing behind her and she will rid the

galaxy of him with the help of Lisa. She secretly winks to the table where Lisa hides

under. Then she approaches her husband.



“Dear, your necktie is too loose, let me tighten it for you.”


“You will do nothing of the kind!” He says sternly. “It’s bad enough that your horridly

designed piece of fabric even touches my skin, let alone having it wrap around my neck like

some kind of freak with a hugging fetish!”



“Oh but I insist!” And with that, Luanne pulls down on the tie as hard as she can.



Comic book Guy the Hutt is choking and…feeling a sharp stabbing pain in his neck.


“Gasping for breath!” he says “Loosing speech fast!” he comments. “You are choking me!”


“Of course I am!” Luanne says as she struggles to pull with all her weight, calling Lisa to

help her. Lisa comes and with their four arm muscles working overtime, they pull as hard

as they can on the tie!



“Face turning purple!” The Hutt says in a choking way. “Blood trickles down neck. Don’t…

GASP…know…UGH…why…Acccck!”



“Come on Mrs. Van Houten, we have to pull harder!” Lisa yells. “He’s still speaking!”

So the woman and girl pull even harder. Blood is gushing down his neck and all over his fat

belly. His tongue his flapping spastically.



“It..is…finished.” He manages to say. “Oh goddess ISIS.. acccckk! Into your sexy arms

I….UGGHHH…commend my spirit!”



And with that, Comic Book Guy the Hutt, a.k.a Jeff Albertson, is no more.



“Whew!” Lisa says as shes sits down and rests. “I thought he’d never die.”


“It was a good idea tying those blades into the tie fabric, Lisa.” Luanne says. “Otherwise

it would take much longer to kill him. Although, look at all this blood that spilled on the

floor. It’s going to be hard for me to clean up.”



“Mrs. Van Houten, are you forgetting that you are free? You don’t have to do his dirty work

anymore!”



“Yeah! You’re right! Groan, he’s given me such a slave mentality!”


“Ahem!” a voice interrupts “You are still a slave as long as I’m alive.”


“And so are you, Lisa!


They did not plan for this. For Greednita and her daughter Greeda are standing at the door

with their hands on their hips.


“Back off girls!” Lisa says. “Can’t you see, no one has to serve the Hutt anymore. He’s

dead!”


“You think we’re happy about that?” Greednita says. "We liked our status

here. And now we will get you two for killing Jeffery!”


And with that, Greednita rushes Luanne and Greeda attacks Lisa. They kick, bite, scratch

and brawl each other. A cat fight is in progress!



***


Millhouse is sitting glumly, wishing that his dear old dad was still alive. Being involved

in this rescue makes up for his participation in getting him sent here in the first place.

If he could only hear his dad’s pitiful, helpless voice once again!



“Help! Help! Help!”


He gets his wish! From over the side of the rails, he hears his dad calling. He looks over

and there he is, digging his hand into into the sand as he struggles to climb out of the

pit. He had never fallen into the Sarlacc mouth, only on the sandy sides of the pit.



“Look Nelson, there he is!” he hollers as he points to him.


“Well go save him you geek!” Nelson shouts, “He’s your stupid dad, not mine!”


But even before he was finishing his sentence, Nelson sees that Millhouse his already

reaching over, struggling to stretch is hand so that it reaches his fathers. Nelson is

impressed. Normally, he has to force him bodily into a dangerous situation to get him to

act. He did it without his physical coaxing.


“Well I’ll be!” The amazed Nelson says.


Millhouse realizes his dad’s hand is out of reach. He looks around and finds a pole. He

will use this to hold down to his dad. Meanwhile, Boba Fitt is waking up from his knocked

out state. He stands and sees Bart bouncing around on the other skiff, killing

gun men and posing for camera men.


(And meanwhile again, a vehicle is approaching from somewhere out on the desert horizon.

The driver of this ‘Hover Buggy’ is so transfixed in some kind of inner turmoil, the he

pays no attention to the small battle on the sand that is taking place up ahead. )



“You little show off!” Fitt says. “I, Sideshow Bob, can’t stand someone who spends their

whole life trying to grab the spotlight! Finally, and I mean really finally, the finally

of finally’s I will kill you, Bart Simpson!”


(“As big as this body is, it’s too crowded to have a Homer Simpson inside! As a Lord of the

Sith, I order you to leave my memories! Dooo it!!!”


“But Lord Tater, I’m stuck in here! How do you expect me to find a way out of a mind when I

can’t even find my way out of a linen closet? You ever find yourself trapped with nothing

but linen for three whole days? The scent of fabric softer drives you mad!”



“No! Stop it! I do not have such a memory! Lord Tater would never do that! I am a fully

conscious Sith Lord! I’m never lost! I’m aware of everthing!)



And so Boba Fitt, a.k.a Sideshow Bob, aims a big gun that he finds on the floor at Bart.

One pull of the trigger and he’s dead. He starts to pull when, SMACK!



“Ohhh, I’m s-s-orry M-mr. Bounty Hunter Man!”



Millhouse, when pulling up the pole, accidentally whacks it against Fitt’s rocket pack.



“YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!” Fitt screams as his rocket is activated. It takes Fitt in the air, off

the Skiff and down toward the pit of Carcoon



(“If you were aware of everything, you might notice that our vehicle is about to passover

the deadly mouth of the Sarlacc. Remember when we went in its belly in Attack of the

Clowns!”


“No! No! That was Homer, not me! OHHH Please! I don’t want any more unexpected things to

drop down on me!!!!”)



Clunk! Sideshow Bob comes crashing down on top of the hood of Darth T