| Author |
Topic:
"Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 8-29
|
Eon-Wan-Mome_NT
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
4/8 8:23pm
Subject:
RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 3
|
So sorry that it's been so long since the last update. I am out of town again working. So I have some time now, and I'm on my laptop. Ugh! For some reason, the format is never correct when I post on this board with the laptop.
Anyway, thanks for your comments, Reagan ( I had to look up what 'hexology' meant  )
But let's proceed. When we left off, Krusty was going to explain to Bart and Lisa about him 'trying out for the Jedi team'
And he will do so. 
**** Krusty’s Story Continues****
“It was because of my father that I ‘tried out for the Jedi team’. See, my papa was a Jedi back in dem days, back when I was
3 years old. In those days, Jedi were allowed to shack up with the ladies and make the babies. In fact, the more wives a Jedi
had, the more prestige he had! It was the good old days of the Old Testament of the Force.
Anyways, Papa, a kick ass Jedi he was! He was a great fighter and more importantly, a great teacher and spiritual leader. He
was even on the Jedi Council. Well, like any father, he wanted his kid to follow in his own footsteps. That man prayed to
the Force, begging It to bless his son with those Midi-clorian thing a mig jigs. Oh how he wanted me to be full of the
Force! I was full of a lot of things, but the Force wasn’t one of them! But pop couldn’t see that. So he dragged me off
before the Jedi Council. Ohh what a humiliating day that was for me! I was only three years old and I remember it well.
First, some green midget dude with pointy ears kept asking me ‘How feel you?’ I didn’t even know what the hell he was
saying. That bastard kept talking backwards. So I replied to him “Feel me how!” I didn’t know what I just said but everyone
of those jerks laughed at me! Then some young Doctor with the biggest afro I had ever seen hooked some device to me then
told me ‘You have the lowest midi-clorian count of any living species. I’m surprised you’re actually alive! Ho ho ho!’ Then
more questions were thrown at me. ‘How many fingers am I holding up behind my back?’ I guessed three and it was two, and that
Jedi poked his two fingers in my eyes! They asked me to levitate an ashtray with my mind. So I put it on my head and stood
up. Afterall, my mind was in my head, was it not? More laughter came my way. Then came the jeers and boos. That green midget
even started whipping tomatoes at my face! And my papa, did he come to my aid? No! He sat there with his face buried in his
hands. He was too ashamed to even look at me!
So later that day, he said to me ‘You are no son of mine.’ He went back to the Temple and I never saw him again. Years later
how I laughed when I heard a schism in the Jedi occurred when pop declared himself a Rabbi of the Old Testament of the Force
while some Lovejoy dude came along preaching the New Testament of the Force. My pop’s band of followers went to form a new
Temple and it fell down in an earthquake. I laughed and laughed, and after that, I heard no grapevine news of my dad and his
followers. I hated my pop and all the Jedi. Because of that incident, the only thing that came natural from then on was
making people laugh. I made people laugh not because I chose to, but because it was the only thing that developed within me,
and I learned it from making those Jedi jerks laugh.
So I became a clown. But in secret, as I grew up, I learned the ways of the bounty hunter. I figured, ‘Hell, if I can’t stomp
out the wrong doers as a Jedi with the Force, than I can do it myself by my own means.’ I learned to shoot laser rifles, fly
around on a rocket pack, and hunt for prey! With each prey I caught and tortured, I imagined it to be one of those Jedi
freaks. I got off on that! So when that Count Jasper asked me to put in a code into the clones’ genetic makeup that would
kill Jedi, I was more than happy to do it!
And I thought I would be glad to see my clowns killing Jedi left and right. I …was wrong. But I’ll come to that later. Right
now, let me tell you about a day I really wanted to see Jedi die! It is the same day that everyone thought I died.
On this day the Battle of Geonosis occurred.
There I was, standing up on the balcony of the Geonosian Arena with that Jasper guy and those Separatist freaks. Jedis fought
for their life down below as hundreds of battle droids and three monsters were after their blood. And I didn’t do so bad
killing them myself that day. With my laser rifle at hand, I blasted many of those jerks to an early death. I was safe from
the dangers below and yet was still able to shoot away like a war soldier! It was a fair and clean fight!
That is, until, he pushed me in. My slacker slob of a sidekick knocked me into the arena below! Man, if I ever see
Sideshow Bob again, I’ll wring his dirty neck!”
*******
“Ah Sideshow Bob!” Bart has perked up again. “I was waiting for you to get to him! He was trying to kill you, Krusty! He
hated you! He dreamed of killing you! He told me all this and then he wanted to kill me! All because my dad killed you
instead of him! Uh oh, I shouldn’t have said that!”
“Hey! Look what I have here!” Krusty says as he growls at Bart through the glass. “You must be the son of that Fat oaf who
sent me flying on my own rocket pack! Well your father failed! He didn’t kill me!”
“He didn’t?” Bart asks.
“Uh Bart, if your dad killed Krusty, he wouldn’t be here telling this story.” Lisa reminds him.
“Oh yeah!”
“The kid’s sharp, ain’t he?” Krusty says sarcastically. “Just like his old man. That fat jerk had no idea what he was doing
when he jammed my rocket back! It was luck that caused that. That clumsy clod bumped me accidentally! Hell, I’ll wring his
neck and Sideshow Bob’s if I ever see them again!”
“Ya don’t have to worry about Bob!” Bart says. “He fell into the mouth of the Sarlac. He’s a goner!” (He knows not that
Sideshow Bob escaped).
“Yes, and unfortunately, so is Bart’s dad.” Lisa volunteers. “I have heard he was such a great Jedi. Right Bart?”
“Uh..well…yeah. He was..great. And he’s.. dead.” Bart lies nervously.
“I know he’s dead! I killed him. Remember, you were there, Bart, on that swamp planet of the most foul smelling mud my clown
nose has ever sniffed. He thought he could hide from me in the black metal suit, but his odor gave him away! He thought he
was so tough cuz he found a Sith red saber! But I sliced is head off!”
“It sounds like you’re talking about Darth Tater.” Lisa concludes. “Bart, do you know what he’s talking about?”
“That wasn’t my father!” Bart protests. “That was a ‘Force Created’ version of my father, and for some reason, he was wearing
a Darth Tater suit!”
“Oh, whew!” Lisa sighs in relief. “For a second there, I thought you were going to tell me your father was Darth Tater.”
“Don’t be silly, Lisa!” Heh heh!, He’s your father, too.
“Well whatever. Maybe that was only a spirit back there in that cave, but he is still dead. So I guess you’re the closest
living thing left to both of those guys. Then I should wring your filthy neck! Then I can have some revenge! Looks like
Sideshow Bob’s suffered, so now you need to suffer for the pain that your dad tried to cause me!”
“But Krusty, his dad suffered enough! He died in the Purge, right Bart?”
“Er, um..yeah. He died in the Purge!”
“Agghhhhh! Don’t mention the Purge, it breaks my heart! Ohhhhhh Waaahhhhh!”
Krusty is balling.
“What’s wrong Krusty?” Lisa asks sympathetically.
“Oh the Purge was my turning point in life!” Krusty says. “I cried many a tears.”
“Why?” Bart asks, “I though you hated the Jedi!”
“Well I’ll finish explaining if ya let me finish and stop interrupting my story with stupid questions!”
The kids silence themselves and Krusty continues.
*****Krusty continues his story again*****
“So out on the battlefield, your father struck my rocket pack. Out into the skies I soared. Anyone who looked up saw a big
explosion and witnessed my armor fall. But I wasn’t in it! When I knew I wasn’t going to gain control of my rocket, I hit the
armor ejection button. In a flash of a second, the armor unsnapped from my body and two seconds later it self destructed like
it was supposed to when the armor eject button is pushed. I supposed people were too distracted by the explosion to notice a
naked clown body falling to the ground underneath it. I was sure I was going to die; falling from a high altitude and
landing on the rocky ground tends to kill people! But I didn’t fall onto the hard ground. I fell into a nest of those
Geonosian wasps things. The straw was soft and it broke my fall. But it was no fun pulling those things out of my naked ass
for an hour. Uggggh!
After I cleaned myself from those varmints, I ran and hid in the stands of the arena. That’s when I saw the ships of my
clowns arrive. My clones, they jumped into the battle, waving their guns and clown killing devices. Thousands of them,
thousands of ‘mes!’ And that’s when I discovered that….I hated myself!
Clowns with guns, that wasn’t right. ‘Killer’ and ‘Clown’ should not be used in the same sentence. And here I created these
things, and they were a replica of myself! Mindless morons ready to attack on command! And that was what I was. A bounty
hunter ready to kill anyone on the command of the almighty credit!
When the battle finished, I stole a ship and flew away to some isolated planet somewhere. I turned on the Holo tube and there
I was! Or, there was one of my clones, chasing down a group of Separatists and throwing bomb balloons at them, killing them.
This was the news. But even on entertainment channels, there the clowns were again. They were making jokes about the people
they killed, as I had done that sometimes. On my show, I actually threw an arm of one of my victims to the audience of
children. How sick was I! Very sick and disgusting! Ohh how I hated myself!
So I stayed hidden and let the galaxy think I was dead. As far as I was concerned, they were right. I would be Krusty the
Clown Bounty Hunter no more! Years went by, and my pain was not over yet. The worst was yet to come.
One night, my papa appeared to me in a dream. He begged me to forgive him, he told me how happy he was that I was making
children laugh. He told me how proud he was of me! He pleaded and cried. At first I was annoyed cuz he interrupted me in a
dream where I was doing it with Paris Hilton. But the next night, another dream followed, then another. After six of these
dreams, I was sobbing for my papa. Over and over I played Eddie Fisher’s song “Oh My Papa” on my iG88pod. I was going to go
find him and give that Rabbi a long hug. But I was too late. For I fell asleep and had a dream. In this dream, I saw my
clowns invade his home. They pulled out their guns and killed him! They killed Papa! This was the Purge, and my replicas
were the killers!
I sank into depression for 10 years or so. Then one day, I thought “Hey, I can continue to make my papa proud!” Even though
he was dead, I felt that in the spirit world somewhere, he could see me. And he wouldn’t want me sitting around on my ass
feeling sorry for myself. He’d want me to entertain children! So I decided that is what I have to do! I’d abandon the Bounty
hunter part of my life and live again as a children’s entertainer. And with my knowledge of genetics and cloning, I’d create
cute things, not killing things, things that would entertain children. So I came up with the idea of the ‘muppet’. And I
saught out a desert planet named Tatooine to start my creation.”
********
“And that’s where I come into the story!” Bart says with uncontrollable excitement. “I saw you on Tatooine. I lived there. I
knew that was you. My aunts didn’t believe me, But I knew it was you I saw out in the sandstorm!”
“Bart..” Lisa says as she chokes back tears. “Please, let him go on. His story is so sad, yet inspiring. Please Mr. Krusty,
finish your story.
****Krusty continues for the last time****
“Well, Bart’s right. I do remember some weird kid out in the desert one night. Brother, those sand storms! I couldn’t
accomplish anything there. Too much sand, too windy, and too hot! I had lifeless embryos I created and they needed to be
kept in a freezing environment. So I found the ice world of Hoth. Yes, I know Bart, you were there, I remember now! So don’t
even think of interrupting me! I took you into that ice castle.
Yeah, yeah, I saved your crappy life and all that, but now that I see what a pain you are, I should have let your freeze that
day. Anyway, I had these awesome crystalline sticks I took from this Jorel guy, and man did those things have spunk. Helluva
lot of pizzazz was stacked in these babies; these things were creation itself! The first one I threw into the snow and va la!
A huge castle of ice crystalline grew outta the snow. Well, I took the freezing kid inside and threw him by a fire, but not
before taking some of his blood. For you see, the next crystalline thingy I had, I threw in a fountain. Then next thing you
know, I had these embryo’s popping out like popcorn jumping outta a lidless kettle on a hot range. Man! These we’re even
better than the embryos I made from scratch! So I then set up a portable cloning machine, and all I needed was a DNA sample
to implant in these embryos. So before I tossed Bart by the flames, I took some blood and mixed it in a beaker of genetic
modification juice, threw the embryo into the oven, basted it with mixture of Bart’s blood and genetic modification juice and
flicked on the switch. And what came out was the most grotesque thing these eyes had ever scene. It looked like Bart, but it
was deformed and monstrous, had many eyes and yuck! I killed that thing and threw it out in the snow! Human genes were not
going to work with this stuff, at least not the kid’s. So after a little nap, I took off into the blizzard, searching for
other life forms, passing by some nerd with glasses who decided to shack up for the night with the thing! Auuugh, to each his
own I guess!
I found nothing, so I moved all my stuff early to my ship the next day, which was safely hidden under some snow. Then I
locked myself in the bathroom. Auuggh! When I finally got out, it might have been days later. But I realized that I forgot
my watch in the castle, so I went back and the blasted thing wasn’t there anymore! Instead, there was a dog, a snow creature
and some stoner dude. I ended up living a valuable time piece and exchange for three jerks! I took these stranded losers
into space somewhere, dropped them off at an astro rest stop, and continued my hunt for the perfect DNA. Somehow, I got
lost, probably fell asleep at the helm again, and ended up on some foggy swamp world. After probing some caves, and saving
Bart’s neck once again, this time from his spirit father dressed in a black suit, I ran out into the open and saw the perfect
species to use for my new clones. It was that greed Jedi dude who humiliated me at the Council. As he napped, I shot him
with a dart. That dart sucked a pint of his blood and stored it into it’s rear compartment. So I detached the compartment,
and left the dart in him. It just felt so good piercing his green ugly skin!
Next I came here, to be among the trees where I could build my creations. ‘Muppets’ I’ve named them, and they all have
genetic material of the green Jedi. That’s why they all talk in that silly voice and that’s why they are all small! But
these muppets are nothing like my old clown clones. These muppets are here to educate the kids! That’s why I let them think
there is a strange messenger up in that lemon tree who gives them sacred letters and numbers everyday. It was a frickin droid
up there! After I create more of these Muppets, I will take to the airwaves again. I will have a show where these Muppets
are the stars and letters and numbers will be taught to the children, not violence! That is what will make my Papa proud!
And that, kids, is my story!
*********
Lisa looks up a Krusty through the glass pane with her water pool eyes.
“Krusty, I am moved! Here you are, forsaking your former life of violence, trying to make amends with your deceased father
by (sniff! sniff!) teaching the children. I have not known you for too long, but I am proud of you!”
“Aw geez, girly! Lose the tears! Ya make me feel like my story was one long hallmark card!
For once, Bart sits in silence. He is trapped; trapped inside his head, enslaved to all the racing thoughts and images that
bombard his mind.
It all makes sense now. All my Krusty sightings, it all makes sense.
A collage of recollections; all his experiences with Krusty, spin around his brain as if they were trapped in a whirlwind
that exists in his head.
(He races outside the hut chasing it. Into a blinding whirlwind of sand he goes. Nowhere
is this disc to be found.
“Ohhhh!” Bart moans in disappointment as he lowers his head. But a light in the
distance causes him to look up again. A speeder of sort was trekking along amidst the
blowing sand when it came to a halt. It was difficult to see who was driving this thing,
but Bart was sure he could make out this driver’s mug. It was none other than his hero,
Krusty the Clown! The white makeup was absent, replaced by the peachy orange
complexion of a normal human. But it had to be Krusty, for the goofy green hair was the
same.
With bold fascination, Bart calls out to his hero.
“Hey Krusty! Over here, I’m you’re biggest fan!”
As soon as Bart releases his shout, the vehicle takes off, going far out of Bart’s sight.
“Oh man!” Bart says to himself. “And here I thought Krusty was dead! But he ain’t
dead!”
And to Bart’s surprise, a voice responds to him. In a shadow that lies on the sand before
him, he makes out a dark head with many ‘appendages’ of hair going all over the place.
From behind him, he hears the words “No Bart, but you will be!”
Bart quickly spins around to see a lunatic with a scythe sword, ready to swing his
weapon and slice off his head.
“AHHHHHHHH!” Bart screams in terror as he takes off running back toward his hut.
This encounter scares the living daylights our of this young boy. But at least this meeting
was not in vain. For at least now, he realizes who his deadly stalker is. It is none other
than Sideshow Bob!”
Sideshow Bob stands alone in the sand, having lost sight of his potential victim.
“The fool, he sees images of a man killed by his own father!” Bob says outloud)
Yes! I remember my first sighting of Krusty, back on Tatooine! And yes Sideshow
Bob, I did see images of Krusty. But they were real! He’s alive and you’re dead!
In your face, Sideshow Bob!
Ah..here comes another memory. I’ m leaving the memories of A New Brat, and going on
to recollection of The Empire Kicks Butt.
(“Bart, thank goodness you’re okay! I thought you were in here frozen sleeping next
to me.”
“Even frozen, I wouldn’t be sleeping next to you, not even dead!”
“Well if you’re there, then who is this?”
Millhouse takes a better look a the thing lying next to him and screeches out in terror.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
“Ha Ha Ha! That’s one hell of a bed bug your snuggling with!”
“I-I-I thought it was you!”
“Millhouse, do I have eight eyes, a large nose and fangs? I think not!”
“Well I was dazed when I found this guy, and he has the same hairline as you. And
snow was blowing everywhere, and I thought by dragging him in here I was saving
your life!”
“You’re too late. Somebody else already saved my life!”
“Oh really!!” A jealous Millhouse shouts. “Who?”
“I’m really not sure, but I think it was Krusty the Clown!”
“There you go again. Bart, Krusty’s dead! Everyone knows that!”
“Well if he’s dead, then who gave me this ice castle I’m staying in.”
“Ice castle?”
“Yeah! I can show you, unless you want to stay in there wrapped up with
that frozen guy!”
“Eww! No way!”
And out pops Millhouse! He follows Bart while saying “I wonder who that
frozen mutant was?”
“I could be wrong, But I think maybe Krusty had something to do with it.
It was like a dream, but I remember him saying something like ‘UHHH NOOO!
Not again!! Eight eyes, and ugly nose! This thing’s a piece of crap’! Then, he
tossed him out into the snow and I guess you found him.”
“I don’t understand Bart”
“Who cares! Wait till you see my castle!”)
Hoo hoo Ha ha ha! Millhouse was sleeping with that frozen rejected clone! But hey! Those were my genes in that thing with
fangs and many eyes! And I ain’t thinking about my Levi’s either! This recollection is creeping me out, on to the next
(Oh come on, Bart! Krusty could never make a place like this, especially since he is
dead.”
“Well in my freezing state of semi-alertness, I felt Krusty drag me across the snow,
then throw some green icicle crystal on the ground and poof! This castle was born!”
“All this from one crystal?”
“Yup, Krusty said he found it on what was once known as the Krypton system. It was
supposed to be a gift from some dude named Jorell to his son. See, Krypton was
destroyed by a seismic space wave that came from the explosion of the Alderaan
system. This dude sensed it coming, and quickly prepared it for his son to take
with him when he was to flee the planet. Well, Krusty came along, snatched the
it when Jorell’s head turned away, and shouted ‘Hey, ya snooze you lose!’
“You really remember all this, Bart?”
“Well, sort of, if was like a dream. And I also remember Krusty saying that he was
scoping out crystals and bio-matter for some project and then he stopped himself
and said ‘Hey, why am I telling you all this secret stuff! Ahh what the hell, you won’t
remember any of this!’ But I do remember, Millhouse, I do!”)
I sure do remember! And that secret project was these muppets!
(So Bart breaks a embryonic jar and lifts the slimy thing. He brings it over to the machine
what looks like a crystal refrigerator. He opens the door and stick the embryo in. After
closing the door, he pours the genetic-modification juice inside a beaker that is attached
to the top of the box. Then he turns on the switch and the juice in the beaker heats up and
swirls until the bottom of the beaker opens up and the liquid pours into the machine.
Many lights go off, buzzers buzz, and then finally, a sign lights up that says. “Clone is
Ready”
So Bart opens the door and….
“OOOOGOOOGOOOGAUHHHHH!!!” “OOOOGOOOGOOOGAUHHHHH!!!”
A thing jumps out, screaming and running amok. It has eight eyes, a long nose, and long
fangs. Other than that, it looks like exactly like Bart.
“Yikes!” Millhouse screams “It looks like you! No wonder I thought that thing I slept
with was you!”
“Harumph!!” Bart clears his throat. “No Way, this thing ain’t got nothing to do with
me!”)
Ugh! That thing did have something to do with me! Ahh..next memory please!
(Bart falls to his knees as starts saying his prayers as the red blade of Tater’s raises over
him to come down and slice him in two! But this doesn’t happen. Something is standing
behind Tater. Something uses some kind of weapon and the next thing Bart knows, the
head of the Dark Lord is severed. Bart is so relieved until the body of Tater tumbles over
and falls on top of him. As the squashed boy tries to worm his way out from underneath,
he hears a familiar voice. He cannot see who this voice belongs to, but this does not
matter. He recognizes that hoarse grunting and wheezing right off the bat.
“Take that you Dark Lord freak! Thought ya killed me back at the battle of Geonosis!
Korbash to you! Heh heh heh!”
It is the voice of Krusty the Clown! There is no mistaking it this time! Bart speeds up
his worming so that he can finally meet and thank good ol Krusty. But when he gets
out from underneath all that metallic blubber, the clown is gone. Krusty is no where to
be found. Instead, Bart finds the severed head of Tater, only..it wasn’t Tater under the
mask, it was himself! Bart Simpson!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
Now all this is just too damn weird for Bart. He runs the hell out of this cave.
Upon exiting the cave, he calls out “Yoda Yoda,!” to his Master, who is standing upright
with his eyes closed. “You got a lot of explaining to do! There was just so much weird
crap in there!”
To Bart’s surprise, Yoda simply falls over forward unconscious. There in his back is a
blood extracting passout dart.
“Hey, this Dart belongs to Krusty! It was one of his weapons in his bounty hunting days!
This proves that he was here!”)
Ha! Yoda was so wrong! It was Krusty who ‘darted’ him. He even stole is blood to make his muppets! Yoda, the godfather
of the muppets! Hoo hoo ha ha! That’s so ironic! Now if I just knew what ironic meant….
(“What’s happening, Otto my man!”
“Same buzz, different day, dude!”
“Man, I’m glad to see you. I thought you got wasted when you crashed on Hoth!”
“Nope, got wasted after the crash! I was stuck on that ice cube for days, man. Then
this totally happening clown comes along and gives me a ride the hell outta there!”)
Ah! Krusty saves the day again! He rescued Otto and brought back my faithful dog! I wonder what happened to Santa’s
Little Helper in this story? Oh well, Krusty is still my main man!
All these Krusty memories are lumping together in Bart’s mind, wrapped in the potential energy of excitement. He’s is ready
to strike; ready to lap at Krusty again, thank him, ask more questions, worship him, and who knows what else.
“Well, I see the hyper kid is calm now, so I guess I can raise this glass protective shield”
Up the shield goes and into Krusty’s lap goes Bart.
“Oooof!!”
“Thanks again, a million thanks for saving my life those two times and returning my dog! You the man! You the man of the
man! Sign some more autographs for me! Be my ‘big brother’ at our school’s ‘Big Brother day’! Man this is so cool! Your
alive! And help us fight the Empire! Let us use your muppets! Please Krusty! Please! Please! Please!”
“GET THE HELL OFF ME YOU FREAK!!!!”
“Bart! Get down and calm down!” Lisa demands.
“No, I wanna roam through his pockets and find all his cool gadgets! Whoa ho! Look at this pen/balloon inflater/ ray blaster!
Krusty! Order your muppets to help us! They call you their maker! They worship you! Krusty, what does this flower on your
shirt do?”
SQUIRT!!!!!!
“HEY! Watch where you spray that mayonnaise! My face is white enough! Here, go chase this pen you admire! Just get outta my
face!”
Across the room Krusty throws the pen. Bart retrieves it and starts inflating the ballons, writing ‘I am a wiener!’ on the
ballons, then blowing them up with the rays.
POP! “Wow, another wiener man bites the dust! I’ll never get tired of this!”
“Now that the brat is preoccupied, would you mind telling me, little missy, what the hell he was talking about when he said
he wanted to use my muppets?”
“Well, first, you can call me Lisa!”
“FINE! Lisa, Lucy! Whatever! Now why does he want my muppets!”
After exhaling a defeated sigh and throwing a perturbed look at Bart, she explains.
“Well, as Bart ‘so tactfully put it’, we need your help again. I know you have been so helpful to us in the past, especially
Bart! And I know the last thing you want to see is your latest creation of innocent creatures foiled by teaching them to
fight, but times are desperate! The Empire is using this very moon to generate a shield around it’s Death Star! We have
come here to deactivate the shield so our friends out in space can fly in and blow the Death Star away! But we don’t know
what we might be up against when we try to break into the shield bunker! We might need help!”
“Well ya ain’t gettin’ it from me or my muppets, sister! I have already told you, these muppets were not created to be used
as an army as those ugly clowns were! I’ll be damned if I create more things for the purpose of killing!”
“Again Krusty, I commend you! You are so noble and your quest to make things right
humbles me to my core! But you have to understand, The Empire is right here on your moon’s doorstep! They are evil,
Krusty, and they still harbor many of the same clowns you cloned! Sooner or later, they will find out about your ‘Muppet
Operation’ and then who knows what they will do to those lovely things! Oh Krusty, please help us, do it for me.”
Lisa looks at Krusty will pleading little girl eyes. It’s so cute yet so sad, she is wearing her irresistible face. And
Krusty takes her face in. He looks into her sorrowful eyes and says…
“NO! You kids got a helluva nerve asking me for stuff! I already told you how I feel about my muppets fighting. But on top
of that, you brats make me sick! Especially that runt over there!”
He points to Bart, who stops fooling around with the pen and looks up to say “Huh?”
“Yeah you! I’ve had enough from you and don’t want to see you ever again!”
“B-but Krusty, you’re my hero!”
“I don’t care if I’m your loving Aunt Betsy, you get on my nerves, and you’ve been on them throughout this whole series!
Your genes fouled up my clone, it’s been a real pain saving your neck over and over, and I hate how you bounce around my
place like a frickin’ monkey with a banana up his ass!”
Bart looks down in shame. “I’m sorry Krusty, I’m a hyper-active kid. I need to take my..”
“You’re right about that!” Krusty interrupts. “And furthermore, why would I want to help a kid whose father tried to kill me!
I should be killing you!”
Bart forces back the tears. His voice cracks as he chokes back a sob.
“If I..(sob) and my father caused you so much pain, then, I-I sacrifice myself to you. Here, take my lightsaber, do away
with me. I p-probably deserve it!”
Bart lays his head down on a table and waits for Krusty to slice the lightsaber through his neck. Lisa protests, “Bart,
noooo!” And Krusty ignites the colorful blade “Krusty, nooo!” The clown raises it in the air, clenches his teeth, and
just as he’s about to slice Bart like he was a pound of salami, he de-activates the lightsaber.
“Ah, forget it, kid! I don’t kill anymore. Just get out of my sight!”
So Bart and Lisa leave the cave and walk together back to the camp.
*********************TO BE CONTINUED************************************
-----signature-----
"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes" My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Shadowknight1
Registered:
Jun '03
|
Date Posted:
4/10 10:50am
Subject:
RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 4
|
|
Wow, sorry for not replying to this sooner, awesome stuff! Poor Krusty.
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/19194561/p16 Star Wars The Twilight Saga Part II: The Infinite Darkness Coming Soon, Part III: A Hope Rises
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Eon-Wan-Mome_NT
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
4/20 7:40pm
Subject:
RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 4
|
No problem, Shadowknight! Reply when you can! I'm sorry it took me so long to post.
But here's some more, read on! 
*****
The air is tense as they approach the Muppet Tree dwellings. The whole trip from Krusty’s cave to here has been this way.
Lisa looks straight ahead and walks determinedly. She keeps her eyes away from Bart’s. She is mad as hell at him.
He ruined it! He ruined our chances of getting help!
Bart can barely stay on the trail. As he passes a tree on his left, he slams his head into it in self anger! Clunk! As he
passes a rock lying just off the trail on his right, he kicks it in frustration. All the while, his thoughts are very
similar to Lisa’s.
I ruined it! I ruined our chances of getting help! And, I made an ass of myself in front of my hero, who now hates me!
With that last thought, he throws himself down on the ground and starts punching himself.
“Poof! Stupid Bart! Pow! Take that you jerk! Pow pow!”
Lisa cannot ignore this scene. She stops and turns around. She is startled by his behavior but hides it well as she forces a
smirk on her face.
“Well look at you! Even you can’t stand yourself!”
But Bart ignores her comment as he stops hitting himself so that he can scavenge around his pockets and bag. Very frantically
and haphazardly he searches for something.
“Where is is! Damn it, I need it, I need it now! I should have taken it back then!”
Now, Lisa can’t help but express her fright and concern.
“Bart, what’s wrong with you, what are you looking for?”
“Never mind, Lisa. I just need it! Now let me look for it! Damn it! How can this bag be empty? It’s got to be here!”
“Bart Simpson, I have had it with you! You’ve been a total freak as of late! You are either in some kind of distant trance
or you are down on the ground like you are now, acting like an animal!”
“Shut up Lisa! Why isn’t it in my pockets?”
Lisa goes on. “You have tortured me senselessly, and now you screwed up our meeting with Krusty! How pathetic, your life-
long hero now hates your guts!”
“I SAID SHUT UP!!” And with that, Bart uses the Force and wills Lisa to fly off her feet and thrust backwards in
the air until her small back crashes into a tree. She slides down the trunk and lands on her butt. Stars are spinning around
her head.
Bart goes to follow his anger. He ignites his lightsaber. He raises it up in the air and approaches Lisa. Both hands clench
his weapon as if it were a heavy axe that he must bring down upon some wood. What is he about to do?
Bart feels a small tap against the back of his neck. He takes one hand off his lightsaber and reaches back to his collar.
Some kind of container it stuck between the collar fabric and the skin of his back neck. He grabs and pulls it toward his
face. It’s his Ritalin bottle! It had been inside a compartment within his lightsaber handle. The latch on his handle had
opened and the bottle of medicine fell out like it was a loose battery spilling out of a flashlight. He studies the bottle
then looks at Lisa. She is sitting there, shaking and crying. Bart deactivates his lightsaber and falls back to sit down
against a tree on the opposite side of the trail to where Lisa is at. He looks at her again and then breaks into tears.
Lisa stands up and slowly approaches Bart. She is not mad at him for what he did just now. Her back will heal, but will
Bart? He is sick, something is wrong with him. I mean, he’s crying. I have never seen him cry before, not even when Ned
Flanders died.
When she is a few feet from him, she looks at the bottle and asks.
“Bart, what it that?”
“Stay back, Lisa! I-I don’t want to hurt you again! I-I need help.” And with that, he pops
down one of his Ritalin pills.
“Is that your, er..help? What is that you’re taking?”
“Ritalin. It was prescribed to me by Flanders and Yoda. I-I need to take it to calm my brain. I need it to stop breaking out
into fits like I did at Krusty’s. Ohh, I need it to help me stay away from the Dark Side of the Force!”
Lisa doesn’t know what to say. This definitely explains Bart’s strange mood and attention swings. But is this medicine
really helping him? I mean, how close is Bart to tipping over to the Dark Side? But Lisa is not even sure what the ‘Dark
Side is. Her studies of the Force have been purely academic, almost on a Comparative Religion level. She does know that
Darth Tater is evil and he uses the Force, and that he is consumed with the Dark Side. Is Bart worried about turning
into someone like Darth Tater? If so, then I wonder if his past vision that leaked out back at Krusty’s has anything to do
with this. What did he mean when he said his father was trying to kill him while wearing a Darth Tater suit? Lisa
wonders about these things while she wonders about his abnormal behavior and what impact this medicine is having on it.
Is it helping him stop his uncontrollable reckless behavior or is it causing it?
Lisa comes to the realization that she knows too little about his situation to help him. This game of “keep away’ with the
Truth has to end now. For too long has Bart harbored secrets inside of him. Today, she will make him tell her everything he
has to tell her.
“Bart, I would like to help you with whatever is troubling you, but I don’t understand what is going on. You’re going to
have to open up to me. It’s time, Bart. Tell me, what is troubling you now?”
Before he replies, Bart shuts his eyes as he listens to the calming messages from the Force the dwell within him. Keeping
his eyes shut, he speaks to her about what the Force is telling him. And it is indeed troubling.
“Tater. He senses me. I-I’m endangering this mission. He can sense me, Leease, and I him. I’ve already screwed up
with Krusty, I-I don’t want to bring Tater here and add flammable fluid to an already blazing fire I have brought forth.”
“Uh, are you sure he senses you and what you feel is not a hallucination from that medicine.?”
“Lisa, the Ritalin helps tell me what is real, not with what is unreal. By extinguishing my racing thoughts with these
pills, I am able to tune into the Truth of all things, which is the foundation of the Force.”
“Arrrrrgh!” She hollers out. “I hate it when you talk like that! Bart, that’s not you!”
“But it comes from the truth, Lisa. How can the truth of me not be me?”
“Because this truth you speak of his filtering its way through the Ritalin. Can’t you see? You’re like a droid; the drugs are
programming you to be like that.”
“You mean, this medicine is programming me to be patient, attentive, aware and conscientious?”
“Yes! Bart, I’m sure you can achieve all those things without the pills. And the worst thing about these pills is that you’re
addicted to them. Look at the way you scrambled for them! And when you don’t have them, you are mean and darker than you
ever were before! The more your body gets used to the medicine, the more sinister and evil you become when your body doesn’t
have it!”
“But they were prescribed with the best intentions by Flanders and Yoda, two true geniuses of the ways of the Force and the
ways of keeping the Dark Side at bay.”
“Yes, but are they doctors?”
“Well, Yoda sure had the ears to take in the most miniscule of all beats brought on by the pulsating heart as it’s sound
passes through the stethoscope!”
“Yes but he was not a doctor and neither was Flanders. Bart, the medicine is destroying you. Without it, you’re borderline
evil! And that is what you were trying to avoid in the first place.”
“Well Lisa, I have news for you. I am about to be destroyed anyway. For tomorrow after sunrise, I intend to surrender myself
to the Empire. I’m sure those troopers will escort me straight to Darth Tater. It is him I have to confront, and it is quite
possible that it will be him who will destroy me.”
“Bart, why must you confront him? If he senses you like you say he does, then leave this place. Take a break, rethink this
medicine you’re on, clean yourself up, take a vacation at Itchy and Scratchy Land.”
“Is that what you really think I should do?” Bart asks seriously. The question is a sincere one. His to the point inquiry
and his trust in Lisa’s advice makes her stop and think. This is not a haphazard question he is jokingly throwing at me.
He really wants my advice!
“Bart, I really don’t know what is best. Sigh, I suppose it’s me who wants to run away. Sometimes I feel so burdened. I am a
little girl and yet I take on the responsibility of taking care of the whole galaxy. And if that’s not hard enough, I feel,
for some strange reason, I feel I need to take care of you. And..I think I’m failing, especially with you. Oh Bart, does any
of this make sense?”
“It does Lisa, all of it. And please don’t doubt yourself. You are a natural leader; responsible to the core. It is your
nature. And that brings me hope. For you have had traits passed down from the same source I’ve had mine passed down from. I
know if we grew upon the same tree, you were the ripe peach while I was the rotten apple. I accept that now, I am no longer
jealous of you. But perhaps I have inherited some of this goodness.”
“Bart, you lost me again. What are you talking about?”
“Lisa,” Bart goes on with more circumlocution, “Tell me about you mother, your real mother. What do you remember of her?”
“Images mainly, she died when I was very young.”
“Tell me.”
“Well she was very beautiful, yet sad. I was only an infant, yet I seem to remember feeling sad for her. It is like I
inherited her sadness. But, also her strength; her strength to be sad.”
Lisa stops right there. She had never expressed this memory before, not even to herself. Her understanding of her own
emotions was always fleeting, too vague and ephemeral to attach a concrete source to. Now she has the source. And it is
Bart who drove it out of her. She is both surprised at this and unnerved. Why is this his business?
“Bart, why are you asking me this? I don’t want my mom to be the butt of any of your ‘mother’ jokes!”
“These are not jokes, Lisa. I’m sure your mother was as good as you say and probably better. Sigh! I only with I have
inherited some of the goodness of my mother. So far, I don’t think I’ve come by it.”
“Bart, what’s troubling you? Are you…”
“Wait Lisa…No more questions! I feel the surge of the first absorbtion of the Ritalin into my blood. There is an overload of
information coming to me. I have to tell you some things.”
“Uh, okay Bart.
"I..I don’t know where to begin. Athough the Ritalin is kicking in, things are still disjointed. My recalling of the
important facts to tell you are not coming to me in order of importance. So I will just relay the info that comes to me to
you in the order that it enters my mind. Let’s see, I borrowed your toothbrush to clean my boots…Millhouse has a crush on
you….eating Cheerios lowers your cholesterol, provided you eat them with a regular healthy diet with lots of exercise….Darth
Tater is my father…and Ralphie’s electronic nasal tubes wouldn’t leak so much if he would just keep his electronic fingers
out of there.”
“You cleaned your boots with my toothbrush! How could you! I brushed my teeth for 20 minutes with that dirty...ugggh! I
think I'm gonna throw up! I....wait a minute! D-did you say that Darth Tater is your father??”
“Wait Lisa, there is more information coming. It won’t be easy for you to hear but you must. Let’s see….I copied your
answers on the Huttese language test, You’re the only hope for the Alliance when I’m gone..uhh…”
“What? How am I the hope? What do you mean that…”
“Wait Lisa, more info is coming in. You are not a wiener…No one wants to hear my armpits…I will not make fun of Mrs.
Dumbface…Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does…”
“Bart! Get to the frickin’ important stuff already! What do you mean I’m the only hope for the Alliance?”
“Ha! Now who’s impatient? Just wait Leease, it’s all in here!” And Bart points to his head. “Let’s see, The Force is
strong in my Family, The odor of cheese is strong when left for 5 days under my bed…My father has the Force, and so do I…Otto
has the Chicken Pox…Principal Skinner has a tattoo of his mother on his butt….My sister also has the Force….My favorite color
is black…My tummy is round…My sister is you…and my pet fleas all got lost in Nelson’s hair.”
“WHOA!!!!!” Lisa shouts. “Stop right there!”
“I have stopped. Want me to repeat everything? I can, cause I paid attention to my thoughts, thereby increasing the chances
that I will remember them.”
“No, I…you have said enough. I need to catch my-my.. breath, Pant Pant pant. There, I c-caught it, hee hee hee!”
Her shortness of breath limits her ability to speak and those nervous giggles fill the gaps when her oxygen level is back to
normal. Bart, my brother? I know that is what he said, and for some reason it doesn’t seem appropriate to deny that I
heard him right. This is a shocker for little Lisa. But at the same time, its no surprise.
“So, which pieces of facts astounded you the most?”
Lisa looks at her brother with wide eyes of curiosity.
“Um, nothing was astounding.”
Bart cringes his face. “What do you mean ‘nothing’? Did you catch that part about you being my bratty little sister? I am
older, ya know. I came out first. I won.”
Lisa thinks for a moment. “I didn’t mean that hearing the truth for the first time didn’t overwhelm me a bit. But the thing
is, I already…knew.”
“You did? Wow, did the ghost of Flanders also come to you and make you wet your pants with this information?”
“No.” She replies with a laugh.
“Oh. Well….. me neither!”
“No Bart, I just meant that for some time now, I have felt this strange connection to you.”
“But we were never conjoined twins Lisa.”
“No, not of the flesh. Bart, I could feel your love/hate emotional struggle with me. And it felt almost natural, like that
of a brother and sister. Besides that, ‘something’ was telling me that you were my brother, some vague.. ‘force’ or
something.”
“That was not ‘a’ force speaking to you, it was ‘The’ Force, the one and only. As I said Lisa, you too have the Force. In
time, you will come to use it as I have. And..oh, I can’t believe I’m saying this but, ‘I can teach it to you.’”
“Really?”
“Yes, but don’t make me say it again, I..ohh, I guess this is the ‘love’ part of our love/hate relationship coming through.”
“Oh Bart, I love you too and..”
“Please Lisa, let’s not go there anymore. Number 1, it’s always emasculating for a boy to admit he cares for his little
sister and, well, it makes me feel guilty.”
“But why?”
“Because of all the terrible things I did to you, the last thing being the biggest doosie! What with me about to strike you
down with my lightsaber and all!”
“Yeah, for that one, I’d like you to remain feeling guilty.”
“I know, it was just…I sometimes hated the idea of you being my sister. And I hated the fact that you were the better one.”
“How am I better?”
“Oh come off it, Lisa. You are smart, you get the good grades and the praise from the teachers. You are the rational one
where I am the walking disaster case. Ned already told me that you are the ‘New’ New Hope. I was the New Hope and I..was
jealous. But I think I am over that now. I am just, er, h-happy to have the ‘newer’ hope.”
And Lisa reads Bart’s mind. “Bart, your not talking about the Ritalin, are you?”
“I am Lisa. I d-do need to use it.”
“But you don’t want to, I hear the hesitancy in you voice”
Bart remains silent.
“Bart, as your sister, I can only advise you. Give up the Ritalin and use your own inner strength. Bart, since we both come
from the same mother, I know you must have inherited some of her goodness. I do feel it in you. You have to believe in
yourself. But, you can do whatever you want.”
“Lisa, I am afraid I am more like my father than my mom. Oh, I mean our father.
Lisa is puzzled for a second but then suddenly realizes that she overlooked something obvious.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This all means that Darth Tater is my dad, too!”
“Forgot about that one, huh Lease?”
“Oh this day has been too much! I need to go to bed.”
“Yes. Rest yourself. You need to lead the others tomorrow. We both know Millhouse can’t do it. And I will be on a different
path.”
“Oh no Bart! You don’t mean you’re still going to confront Tater?”
“I do mean that Lisa. I do mean it. For you see, I have to prove to myself that I am not like him. I have to know once and
for all that I won’t be swallowed on the same dark path that swallowed him. This is my test, Lisa. I have to be better then
him.”
“Oh but you are, Bart, you are!”
“That is yet to be revealed. But furthermore, there is something else. There is another reason I have to face him, another
way to prove that I am not headed for Darkness.”
“What is that?”
“Well, I have to see for myself that Tater isn’t all ‘that bad’.”
“Oh but he is all that bad!”
“Lisa, I do feel some goodness in him. I have to make sure that this feeling is real. That would give me hope. I mean, if our
boob of a father still has good in him, then there surely is hope for me. I have to try to find the good in him, I have to
try.”
Lisa turns away. “Bart, just…do what you must. And please be careful.”
“I will. And I will go confront Tater later. For right now, there is still other unfinished business I must attend to. Good
luck Lisa, and may the Force Be With you.”
And Bart strolls away on the same path in which they came, away from the camp of the muppets and back toward Krusty’s.
Lisa stands still in silence. She is contemplating the words Bart used in his good-bye: May the Force be with you.
People have said this to her a million times, but now these words have new meaning. Evidentially, The Force has been by her
side since the day she was born. And now this ‘Force’ is reuniting her with her family. Bart is her brother and Darth Tater
is her father. The Force works in mysterious ways! It’s all been one big mystery, too big. Poor Lisa has struggled
all her life to find her place in the grand scheme of things. Always she has felt out of place. Her peers shun her. Her
intelligence isolates her. And her feelings, these have always been complicating things for her. And now she knows why: her
intelligence and emotions revealed themselves to her within a blinding light known as the Force. It was like having a sun
inside her since birth that grew in intensity in conjunction with her maturity. She ‘thought’ about the way of things more
than her peers. She ‘felt’ things that no one else could. And now that she has discovered the source to her complexities,
she has to take the next step.
What is the next step?
Lisa speaks out loud, “Alright! So I have the Force! But what am I to do with it? How can I best put it to use? As always,
the answers bring on more confusion. Oh how do I use the Force to help the Alliance?”
And an old friend of Lisa’s appears with an answer to her question.
“Just keep on feeling the bluez, Lisa, and the right notes will follow!”
“Bleeding Gums Murphy!” she replies with a huge smile. She spins around and there he is. She throws out her arms and runs
to give him a hug, but she passes right through him.
“Sorry Lisa, can’t say I don’t dig dem hugs from children, but I am a Spirit!”
“Yeah, hee hee, I, er forgot, hee hee!” she replies in embarrassment.
“Don’t feel ashamed. Your hugging gesture just made an old jazzman feel good! Thanks!
“You’re most welcome, Bleeding Gums!”
“Anywayz, I hear you're feeling low again.”
“Oh Bleeding Gums, I am just confused, like usual. I just discovered that I am sensitive to the ways of the Force. I could
possibly be the New Hope for the Alliance. But I don’t know how to use my powers?”
“Sure you do, Leese, you use em’ with every move you make!”
“And even ‘Every Breath I Take?”
“Dunno, gotta ask Sting bout dat one! I juz meanz that you vibrate, girl! Being a spirit, I can see these things! The Force
is all around you and you share it with everyone you try to help.”
“Hmmmph!” Lisa grunts. “That sound like the old adages I was taught in my prayers again. ‘Don’t worry, Ganesh is always
with you’. But where was that stupid elephant when I had problems? “
“Lisa, I mean..”
“I know what you mean! In some vague way, the Force is there for me for spiritual guidance while my body and head suffer
daily and get no relief. In the grand scheme of things, maybe I fit somewhere, but I want some concrete proof of my powers.
I want to see evidence of my goodness.”
“How many times I gotta tell ya! Your blues iz the evidence! Your good at absorbin’ pain. And an Old Bluesman like me can
tell ya, it ain’t easy taking on pain.”
“So I feel bad! How does that help anybody?”
“It helps cuz you take on other people’s pain! You help lift the weight off even the strongest man’s shoulders. Oh, they may
not acknowledge it, but the people around you feel less pain when your around. You take it away from them!”
“So…who have I helped with my ability to absorb pain?”
“All kindsa cats, Lisa! Just now, you helped straighten Bart out. He no longer wants ta kill ya. Than means som’tin. You
took some of his anger away. Then there’s the Millhouse cat! He would be nowhere without your inspiration. Face it Lisa,
you are a healer.”
“Oh now, I wouldn’t say that.”
“But you is, Lisa! In time, you will see a more concrete example of your healin’ powers! You will learn how best to use your
healin’. You’re good at taking pain. Hell you handle more pain then any blues dude I ever new, including myself. People
can’t handle pain so easily, but you…you got strength! So people give you their pain, whether you are the muse for someone
to let out their hostilities or attention cravings, or just rappin to you about a problem. Deep down they know you can handle
pain better then them. You’ll see, you will heal people Lisa, you will see.”
“But how will I know for sure that it was me who healed…whoever?”
No one responds back to Lisa, for Bleeding Gums has disappeared. In his place comes Millhouse. His company does not bring
her the same satisfaction as her former visitor.
“Hiya Lisa, I didn’t know you got back, whatcha doin’?”
“Sigh, just sitting here thinking about ‘pain’”
“Wow Lisa, I didn’t know you liked pain! I-I got some pain. I fell and scrapped my knee. If I pull the scab back, you can see
all the blood and puss and stuff. Wanna see it?”
“No way and no thanks!” She says “I’ve taken enough of your pain away already. I’m going to bed!”
As she walks off, Millhouse shouts out “When was that Lisa? I-I don’t remember! Did you rub my muscles why I was asleep? If
you did, did you make a video of it?”
But Lisa is gone and so she responds not. In her place comes Miss Piggy. And her company does not bring Millhouse the same
satisfaction as Lisa.
“Oi! Is My little Mill-housey a hoiting? Tell your Miss Piggy all about it and then I will ask you something.”
“P-please Miss Piggy, n-not tonight. In fact, not ever. It just isn’t right, a pig and a boy together as boyfriend and
girlfriend. I g-gotta go.”
As he walks off, Missy Piggy shouts out “But I wasn’t going to ask you to date me! I just wanted to know where you got your
coke bottle glasses. They are big enough fit around my Kermie’s eyes and it’s his Birthday in a few days!”
But Millhouse is gone and he responds not. In his place comes Kermit the Frog.
“Hi Ho, your loving Kermit the Frog here. Oh dear, you look troubled! Tell your Kermie all about it..”
Miss Piggy tries to think what to say. “I…I can’t tell you.”
“I saw you with that boy. Is that the same boy I saw you hugging and kissing?”
“Yes Kermit, that was Millhouse. But still, I…can’t tell you.”
“But you could tell Millhouse, is that who you could tell?”
“I……(sigh!)”
“Bah!” Kermit shrugs her off. But what is Miss Piggy to do? She can’t tell him, because it would ruin his birthday
surprise. But then Kermit immediately feels sorry for his attitude. He comes back to apologize to her and they hold each
other. It’s so sweet!
*********TO BE CONTINUED******************
-----signature-----
"Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes" My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Shadowknight1
Registered:
Jun '03
|
Date Posted:
4/21 5:01pm
Subject:
RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 4
|
Nice update, and I have an inkling as to where Bart is heading next. I love how disjointed his revelations were too. 
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/19194561/p16 Star Wars The Twilight Saga Part II: The Infinite Darkness Coming Soon, Part III: A Hope Rises
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
NATIONALGREATNESS
Registered:
Dec '06
|
Date Posted:
4/29 3:34pm
Subject:
RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 4
|
Hi Eon-Wan-Mome_NT,
I'm a long time fan of your Star Wars/Simpsons crossover stories. I've never commented on them before I know, but that's only because I never had enough time - all of them are excellent, from Episode I: The Fatman Menace to Episode V: The Empire Kicks Butt, and this one is getting really good too!
Looking very forward to the next update.
|
|
|
Quote Reply |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Eon-Wan-Mome_NT
Registered:
May '03
|
Date Posted:
4/30 8:55pm
Subject:
RE: "Ritalin of the Jedi: Simpsons Star Wars Ep. 6"(Groening's characters replace Lucas's) UPDATED 4
|
What's that?!?!? 
There has been a reader of this saga that I didn't even know about? OMG! OMG! What if
there are more of them?  What if I'm real famous and don't know it? What if secret readers are hiding in the bushes in front of my house?
Welcome NATIONALGREATNESS! Glad you like this stuff.
And thanks again to you Shadowknight!
You know what an occasion like this deserves? Another update!
*******************
KANG: Well Kodos, it looks as if Lisa is choking on the responsibility
of being the ‘new’ hope! And she hasn’t much confidence in the ‘newer’ hope either!
KODOS: Perhaps we should let them be screwed and hold back on
the ‘newest’ hope!
KANG: As much as I like screwing with inferior species, doing that
would go against our ulterior motives for even having the ‘newest’ hope.
KODOS: Oh you are so right! In time, we will give them the
precious ‘newest’ hope. And soon after that, the will be ‘screwed’
KANG: Yes! As long as they are screwed one way or another, we will be
happy!
KODOS: I am already feeling the tickles!
KODOS AND KANG: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
********************************
Krusty is tubbing it! His ashtray rests on the floor next to the pool of water this cave
holds. He holds a mighty fine Corellian Cigar! It’s smoking away as his Martini glass is safe
and secure in his hands. He takes a sip and lets out a sigh of satisfaction as he submerges
more of his body into the hot water. He puts his glass down and lets the bubble soap seap
into his skin. He is at peace, he is at rest, and nothing can disturb that now.
CRRRRACK! BOOM!
“What the..’
Rocks break free from the cave roof where Krusty bathes. There is now a hole in his bathroom
ceiling and through this hole in the ceiling drops Bart Simpson.
“Hi Krusty, sorry to ‘drop in’ on you like this, but I have to talk to you.”
“OH FOR HELL’S SAKE! CHRIST FORCE ALMIGHTY! GET YOUR LITTLE RUNT ASS OUTTA HERE! CAN’T YOU
SEE I’M BATHING HERE?”
“Once again, I apologize for dropping in unannounced, especially when you were ever so
diligently cleansing your privates.”
“Yeah! That’s what I was doing, c-cleaning them!” Krusty replies. “G-Gotta scrub them good,
there’s a lot of back splash on the urinal in here.”
“I was unaware the caves came equipped with urinals.”
Krusty frowns. “Well you better get your awareness tuned, cause they do!” He snaps back.
“My awareness if most finely tuned. My meds have fully digested into my system and you will
not experience the same uncontrollable brat you witnessed here a few hours ago.”
“Gee, I’m thrilled! But I don’t want to experience any side of you! Now get the hell out of
my home!”
“Your wish will be granted, but not until I say my piece.”
To this, Krusty groans.
“Ohhunnghh! WHAT?? I told you already, my muppets ain’t helping ya!”
“Yes, that is what you told me. You were firm and your message was clear. I am just asking
for a chance to present you with a message that is clear instead of the garbled expressive
outbursts I gave you when my mind was all mixed up and unfocused.”
“Groan! Go ahead kid, and hurry!”
Bart’s eyes lock solely upon Krusty’s. His desires are filtered through the fine art of
thoughtful self expression. He focuses only on Krusty and that what must be said. Deep into
Krusty’s psyche he lets his message flow.
“Thank you. As I have expressed to you with earlier, you are my hero. And I know for a fact
you are still a hero to many of the children of this galaxy thanks to HoloNet reruns.
You may not wish this burden upon yourself, but nevertheless, it is yours to bear. One does
not choose to be a hero, it just happens. And as a hero, you have an obligation to your
fans. You can no longer let them think you’re dead. You must rise again, Krusty. Let
yourself re-shine as a hero who helps us defeat the Empire.”
“I will rise again, but not as a bounty hunter, not as a war hero, nothing associated with
violence! I will be known as the man who makes the ‘cute little Muppets’, not ‘the battling
Muppets!’”
“But Krusty, these muppets have already learned about violence when they attacked us, when
they were defending the Lemon tree with the letters and numbers. They beat us, whipped us and
threatened us.”
“So those muppets are tainted! I will just create new ones!”
“Then let us use ‘those’ muppets. Krusty, the images that will follow the Muppets after this
War is over won’t be ones that are tainted with violence. They will be honored, and your
new ‘Muppet Show’ will be a smash hit.”
“Well, maybe, but-“
“Furthermore, you said you wanted to make amends with your father. Is there no better way to
do this then by working to bring down the same Empire that killed him, that killed all those
Jedi Knights?”
“Well….”
“Besides, are you really sure you want to shelter these muppets from stuff like wars and
fighting? Think about it, other children’s shows had these ‘sheltered’ beings. Take the
teletubbies. All kiddie stuff, and no style. People thought they were gay! Is that what you
want to happen with your creations?”
“Hell no!”
“Then think about all that I have said. I shall say no more, for I must leave to embark upon
my path. Take care Krusty, may the Force be with you and hopefully, may the muppets be with
us.”
And with that, Bart leaps up through the hole in the wall, departing the same way he came.
Krusty’s eyelids droop as the skin on his face bulges out. “Auuuuughhh!” he groans. What
this groan means no on can tell.
******
Darth Tater has been summoned to The Emperor’s chamber. He is escorted into that ‘weird brain
room’ by two of his gaurds. One is Smithers. The other is the new ‘second to Smithers’ guard,
Bif Tabot. Replacing the guard Tater had killed, Bif stands 5 inches taller than his
predesecor. He also requires a larger mask then the guard before him, as well as the other
gaurds; he needs more head space. But this face shielding red armor blends in with the masks
of the other gaurds. Its customized dimensions are not in sharp contrast with the mask sizes
of his collegues. This is true at least on the appearance level. Perhaps it’s the location of
the customization that permits its abberation in dimensions to remain undetectable. It allows
for more space at the top inside of the mask. And since Bif is tall, any differences in
apperance are attributed to his above average height. The extra head room built into this mask-
helmet is not noticed.
But, of course, Bif Tabot’s appearance is in sharp contrast with Waylon Smithers. Bif wears a
mighty royal red robe where Smithers dons his usual preety pink garb. Bif is tall, Smithers
is short. And Bif always wears his mask-helmet whereas Smithers almost never wears it. Perhaps
Smithers chooses not to wear it so that he does not hide the twinke in his eyes from Mr.
Burns. Oh how he dreams of Mr. Burns falling in love with his twinki, er I mean, his twinkle.
The two gaurds pull Tater out from in between the two brain lobe ‘doors’, each taking hold of
one if his hands and pulling with all their might. Throughout this pulling session, Darth
Tater keeps farting.
“Hee Hee! You see gentleman, when you pull one of my fingers, you get one fart. But your guys
are pulling all my fingers, you are getting as many farts as my ass will produce!”
Waylon cringes his face in disgust as he pulls. And we can’t see what’s going on with Bif’s
face, being under the mask and all, but he doesn’t seemed to be bothered by the smell.
Smithers keeps dropping his head and turning it away from Tater’s direction. Bif does nothing
of the sort.
They finally yank him through. Immidiately, Smithers drops to his kneels and hurls. Tater
points and laughs at Smithers, his farts were victorious once again. Bif stands tall and firm.
He does not flinch, he remains alert. Tater looks at him and frowns. He turns to Smithers,
while keeping a pointed finger on Bif.
“Hey! Who’s the new guy, and why does he have no respect for my gas?”
Smithers finally is able to remove the sourness in his face and form a smirk.
“Tater, meet Bif Tabot! I hired him this morning, replacing the latest ‘Second to
Smithers’ guard you killed.” Waylon’s cunning grin grows wider. “And Bif is one tough
dude! He met all my required qualifications, which include ‘not being able to be killed by
you!’
“Pfft! Yeah right!” Darth Tater gloats. “I can kill anyone! And this ‘Bif’ jerk will now die
while learning respect for by body odors at the same time!”
And with that, Tater raises his armpit and shoves it in front of Bif’s red face mask. Out of
this smelly pit squirts a foul spray. Why, it’s so weird; things are reversed. Normally, a man
sprays onto his armit that misty aeresol. Here in this situation, the misty spray
shoots out from his armpit, as if his pit is a can of deoderant. But his armpit ain’t no
bottle of perfume. Deadly, toxic odors in a misty form is what shoots out.
Smithers immediately jumps out of the way and ducks his head. Even from far away, he fears he
make choke on this and die.
“Take that, ‘Biffy’!” Tater taunts. “This stuff can easily penetrate that stupid mask!”
For the first time, Bif speaks. His voice comes through a metallic sounding voice
disguiser “Not this mask. It is designed to protect against odors even stonger than yours!”
Tater places his fists against his hips. “Stronger than mine, huh? Well there are more ways
then one to kill you! For instance, there’s strangulation! That’s always fun!”
And Darth Tater cups his hand performs his Dark Grip on Bif. But..Bif is not choking!
“Hey! What gives? You’re-You’re supposed to be choking and dying and stuff!”
“Your ‘Dark Grip’ cannot penetrate the special plating that is underneath my collar. It can
withstand all Force choke holds.”
“Well, there’s more than one way to choke a chicken!” declares Tater. Smithers laughs to
himself over Tater’s choice of words. Tater hears this not, for he is to busy rummaging
through a box with the label “Sith R Us!” on it. He found a 5.99 special the other day! A case
of red lightsabers! What a deal! He gathers them up in is hands. One by one, he throws them
at Bif the same way a magician might toss knifes at balloons that surround a bound up woman.
Red Sabers twirl through the air at high speeds, attacking this newbie guard. But Bif blocks
them all, using only his hands as shields.
“Again you fail.” Bif says matter of factly. “These gloves I wear are specially crafted to
repel all crystal and lava rays that are emitted from a lightsaber!”
“Oh for the Love of Sausage!!!” Tater shouts. “What the hell kind of guard are you? Are you
like some Batman guy who has everything he needs in his utility belt? You are really making
me mad! Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!”
And then, a voice comes from over yonder.
“And you, Tater, are really making me mad!”
All turn and give attention to Mr. Burns who sits on his throne. They had all forgotten whose
presence they were before.
“Yes Tater, I’m really steamed, for you are pathetic! A measly guard is able to out defense
you! You disssgust me!”
“I’m-I’m sorry sir.” And Tater lowers his head on shame.
“Gaurds, leave us!!!!”
So Bif and Smithers go to the lobe doors. Smithers turns back to give Tater a final look
of ‘in your face’ triumph! Then he happily skips on out. Meanwhile, Burns again questions
Darth Tater’s abilities.
“I don’t know if a moronic maggot like you can handle the tasks that haunt you! Tell me
Lord Tater, are you ready to go one on one with your son once again?”
Darth Tater springs his head up proudly. “Oh Mr. Burns, you don’t have to worry about that, I
am so ready for that lousy brat! Why I can’t wait to get his thorny head in my hands! Heh,
heh, I’ll squash like it’s a…head!”
“Hmm, that analogy needs a little work, but at least you seem optimisitic!”
“Well sir, I always believe the keg is half ‘filled’… Hmmm! Half Filled! Augugugugh!”
“Sooo, you are ready then?”
“Oh indeed I am!”
“Exxxcelent! For the enemy has arrived! It is time, Tater!”
Suddenly, Darth Tater’s eyes expand into huge white oval saucers. His mouth drops open
into ‘Oh my God’ mode. “Aauuuugh! Eeeeee! He’s here now? What to I do, What do I do???”
Burns frowns scornfully. “That answer is obvious! You take your mechanical keester down to
Endor and get your son!”
“Ooooh! It’s only been a short while since I discovered with certainty that I have a kid son
and already I gotta chaufer him from there to here! I am not a soccer dad! I am not!!”
Burns’s patience is getting impatient. (Isn’t that a cool sentence?)
“Tater, you get your self down to that moon or I will cut your food budge in half!”
Upon hearing that threat, Tater barely takes the time to spit out “I’m gone!” before he
vanishes out of the chamber. Somehow, he even flashed through the suffocating brain lobes in
no time at all. He has gone to await the arrival of his son.
********************
Chief Wiggum marches proudly. His waddle has never been so pronounced. Down a hallway of the
Imperial Outpost on Endor he goes with a young Rebel brat in captivity.
“You’re goin’ to the big guy, Bart Simpson!” he tells his prisoner. “He’ll make sure you get
what’s coming to ya!” Bart chooses not to reply. But he does offer the Chief a mysterious grin.
“Wipe that smirk off your face!”
“But how can I? You got my arms cuffed.”
“Well, I see we are still in smart-alec mode, hey Simpson? Well Darth Tater will know
how to teach you manners!”
Yes, Bart’s a bit bratty at this time. The Ritalin within his system passed its first half-
life. The more he takes this stuff, the faster it flows through him and processes itself. He
is becoming immune to its effects. Larger doses are required to obtain the same effect as his
initial dose.
********
Darth Tater paces impatiently up and down the southeast passages of the Imperial outpost on
Endor. He knows the time is about to come. Soon will be the second father/son reunion and he’s
a bit apprehensive about this meeting. There are just so many conflicting emotions stirring
around in his simple brain. He loves Bart like a son/He hates him as his worst enemy. He wants
to train him in the ways of the Dark Side of the Force/He wants to kill him and be done with
him. He looks forward to his victory over Bart where the young boy will either be his slave
or be dead/He fears his own death at the boy’s hands (well, ‘hand’ in the singular). Just
thinking about the boy, imagining his face conjures up all this conflict. He hates conflict.
Tater knows the boy is near. He senses him. The boy is close. How close he isn’t quite sure.
So he paces some more, turning around a corner and…
“Hey Tates!”
“AHHHHHHHHHH!”
Darth Tater runs right into Chief Wiggum who has Bart as a prisoner. And the brat is
calling me ‘Tates!” Grrrrr!
“Sorry to give you a start, Lord Tater,” Wiggum says “I guess we’re all a little jumpy after
that email about how rats were spotted jumping out around the corners.”
“Uh…yeah…the rats!” Tater replies. “I hate them!”
“And those exterminators Smither’s hired, man, they can’t tell the difference between a rat
and a Sith Lord, I …ooops, pardon the expression.”
Bart laughs as Tater growls “Get to the point!”
“Oh yes, the point. Well I found this brat spray painting your mug on the outpost wall facing
the forest. He had drawn your head with helmet and all, and a dialogue balloon pointing to
it saying ‘I am a wiener’s butt!’ I assure you, my Lord, that this punk is a member of the
Springfield Elementary School Rebellion!”
“Good work Chief!” Tater says.
“Oh it was a pleasure to catch this kid. This is the same brat who knocked me on my back into
a pile of ants. I tell ya, his parents just did not raise him right! His father must have
been a real dope!”
Tater growls again at the Chief as Bart chuckles.
“Oh..I see you didn’t like that for some reason. W-well, I’ll just leave the kid with you. I’m
sure his rebel friends were out there with him on this moon. I’m gonna find my son Ralphie
the R2 unit..oh I mean, I’m gonna find his friends. God do I keep sticking my foot in my mouth
today!”
And the Chief leaves Bart and gets the hell of there. Darth Tater and Bart Simpson are now
alone. They walk side by side in silence, trying to read each other’s thoughts. Tater is not
getting through to well but Bart, aided by the Ritalin that is still in his system, is able to
concentrate and peak into Tater’s mind.
“So, I sense that you’ve been expecting me!”
Tater looks down as he replies. “I know, son.”
Bart is surprised to hear the old man in the black suit address him as his son.
“So you’re finally accepting the truth that your noids made me!”
Tater stops and looks down upon his son. “Yes, I accept that fact and nothing more! That is
all there is! I am still Darth Tater the Sith Lord and you are still the young Jedi brat whom
I must either convert or destroy!”
“Oh will you get real and lose that name already! ‘Darth Tater’ is the name that Burns named
you when he made you his dog-bitch. You’re ‘Homer Simpson’ all the way, man!”
Tater whips out his finger and digs it into Bart’s chest.
“That name no longer has any meaning for me!”
“Well it has meaning for me and the rest of the galaxy! You’re even listed in the dictionary
as Homer!”
Tater places his hands on his hips in protest. “I am not!” And just then, a dictionary
materializes from nowhere.
“Hey, where did this come from?” Tater wonders. Anyway, he picks it up and looks up the
name ‘Homer’. By his name, he sees a picture of himself without his mask. He reads the
definition outloud: To pull a Homer, to succeed despite of idiocy.
“Hoo hoo, ha ha!” Bart laughs as Tater whips the book onto the floor and starts stomping on
it. “Lousy dictionary! Lousy Imperial editors! They were supposed the rewrite all this crap!”
Bart controls his laughter and speaks to his father in a serious tone.
“Come on, dad! It’s who you are, you have just forgotten.”
After Tater gets tired of stomping on the dictionary, he answers Bart.
“Of course I have forgott | |