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Topic:
Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop) Thanks for the nom!
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Jade_Pilot
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 1:48pm
Subject:
Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop) Thanks for the nom!
- Date Edited:
6/17 5:47am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Jade_Pilot
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Title: Vader's no good, horrible, really stinky day
Author: Jade Pilot
Genre: humor
Timeframe: ROTJ
Summary: Who says the movies aren't funny? For our first workshop, we are going to try taking something not funny… and making it humorous and no more than 500 words!
Notes: Well, as usual, I saw this challenge through my somewhat warped senses and wrote it from a different POV.
Return of the Jedi: While waiting for clearance to land on Endor, the occupants of the Imperial shuttle get a little nervous.
Darth Vader leaned in close to the tracking screen and paused. “What is it Captain Piett?”
“Admiral, sir.”
“What?”
“It’s Admiral Piett, my Lord.”
Vader folded his black clad arms across his massive chest. “When did you become an admiral?”
“I believe it was right after you choked Admiral Ozzel, Sir.”
“Ozzel…Ozzel…which one was he?”
“The one after Motti, my Lord.”
Vader tapped his finger against his mask. “The one from Tepasi?”
“No sir, that was General Tagge.”
“Did I choke him?”
“I believe he died on the Death Star, sir.”
“Dang it…I so wanted to choke him.”
“Yes sir.”
Vader sighed. “Well, there’s always Tarkin…”
Admiral Piett swiveled his chair to face the Sith Lord. “I regret to inform you—”
“Argh! Don’t tell me he died on the Death Star also!”
“I’m afraid so, my lord.”
Vader pounded a gloved fist onto the console. “Man—I hated that guy!”
“Most people did, sir.”
“It was always ‘Vader do this and Vader stop choking the moffs’!”
“He was well known for his condescending nature, my lord.”
“I really, really wanted to choke that guy.”
“Yes, sir. Lord Vader, if I may interrupt for a moment…”
“Yeah, I guess…”
“Sir, there’s a shuttle requesting clearance to Endor. They have the proper clearance codes and claim to be transporting technical parts and crewmembers.”
“Maybe I could get Palps to clone Tarkin, run up a couple copies for my own personal use…”
“Sir?”
“Hmmmm?”
“The shuttle, my lord?”
Vader flexed his hand. “Oh…uh, ask them if they have any middle management officers on board. You know…someone that would not be missed much.”
“Yes, my lord.” Piett leaned toward the comm. console. “Attention Shuttle Tydirium—”
“Wyaaaaaaaarrrrr….”
“I don’t know… fly causal, Keep your distance though, Chewie, but don't look like you're trying to keep your distance.”
“Wyaaaaaaarrrrr…”
“Sir, I appear to have been mistake—” Piett looked over at Vader who was clenching and unclenching his fist. “It appears the shuttle is being piloted by rebels.”
Vader stopped pacing. “No Imperial commanders?”
“No, sir.”
“No generals or lieutenants or captains?”
“I’m afraid not, my lord.”
Darth Vader hung his head and sighed wearily. “Why does everything always happen to me?”
“Uh…sir?”
“Yes?”
“The shuttle full of rebels?”
The Sith Lord waved his hand dismissively. “Blast them.”
“Sir, don’t you want to interrogate them?”
Vader tapped the baseboard with the toe of his boot. “Just…blast them. Blast them-blast them-blast them.” He turned and marched away. “I’ll be in my quarters…”
“Yes, sir.”
“Getting my brain fluid suctioned.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“And tell cook to send up a slice of that sponge cake with the little candy cherries I like so much.”
“At once, Lord Vader.” Piett turned back to the console, initiating the targeting sequence, but froze with his finger over the firing indicator. Rubbing his chin, he activated the commlink. “Attention Shuttle Tydirium…before I blast you to pieces, could I interest anyone in a middle management position in the Imperial Navy?”
end
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
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JediKaren
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 3:08pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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lol Too bad the Emperor didn't hear that one. Vaddie would have been in soooo much trouble,
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Valairy_Scot
Title: PT Rewrite Winner
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 3:16pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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“At once, Lord Vader.” Piett turned back to the console, initiating the targeting sequence, but froze with his finger over the firing indicator. Rubbing his chin, he activated the commlink. “Attention Shuttle Tydirium…before I blast you to pieces, could I interest anyone in a middle management position in the Imperial Navy?”
The ENTIRE piece was great - but what an ending! 
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. Proud master of several padawans
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Jade_eyes
Registered:
Aug '04
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 3:24pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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Oh, my!!! Now I won't be able to watch ROTJ without thinking of the sponge cake with the candy cherries!!! J_P, it is so wonderful having you back around to make us LOL  Hugs!! (Saving my SQUGGLES for the L/M mush) 
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Luke/Mara--without end forever  ginchy, Irish =I Squggles before I read a word
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divapilot
Registered:
Nov '05
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 5:08pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
- Date Edited:
12/12/07 5:09pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
divapilot
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Priceless!!!
Too bad we couldn't get a bunch of nice red shirts for those Imperial middle management types.
LOL moment:
“I’ll be in my quarters…”
“Yes, sir.”
“Getting my brain fluid suctioned.”
“Yes, my lord.”
I think we all feel that way some days, don't you?
-----signature-----
 Never tell me the odds. AKL "Beyond the Wall" http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28964433/p1/?6 The Society for Girls Who Like Things that Go Boom. (M. Corde, Pres.) "This is your badness level." ~ Lilo!
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ginchy
Registered:
May '05
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Date Posted:
12/12/07 7:08pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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No one does humor like you, lady!!! This is terrific!
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Darth_Marrs
Registered:
Feb '06
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Date Posted:
12/14/07 6:50am
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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That was hilarious.
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"Spock!" "Yes Captain!" "Be one with the horse." "Yes, Captain."
Gods of Dark and Light; Heaven Falls
Legacy of the Red Sun; Children of the Red Sun
Blue Sun Down; The Boy Who Fell
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KELIA
Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
12/14/07 7:58am
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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Maybe I could get Palps to clone Tarkin, run up a couple copies for my own personal use
That was hilarious!
Great response to the challenge
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brodiew
Registered:
Oct '05
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Date Posted:
12/14/07 9:44am
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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Vader sighed. “Well, there’s always Tarkin…”
Admiral Piett swiveled his chair to face the Sith Lord. “I regret to inform you—”
“Argh! Don’t tell me he died on the Death Star also!”
“I’m afraid so, my lord.”
Vader pounded a gloved fist onto the console. “Man—I hated that guy!”
“Most people did, sir.”
“It was always ‘Vader do this and Vader stop choking the moffs’!”
“He was well known for his condescending nature, my lord.”
“I really, really wanted to choke that guy.”
AND...
“Maybe I could get Palps to clone Tarkin, run up a couple copies for my own personal use…”
Brilliant, Jade. You have a singular talent. :-)
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BaronCoop
Registered:
Mar '06
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Date Posted:
12/17/07 9:39am
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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lol that was hilarious! I love crazy Vader, and no one does him better.
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Vote Palpatine/Vader '08! Or Else!
Sith Happens
Have a Nice Day! Or Else!
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Jade_Pilot
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
12/18/07 1:59pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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So this is what 'Saga' looks like! Thanks for your kind words!
JediKaren: Good point and thanks for reading.
Valairy Scot: "The ENTIRE piece was great - but what an ending!"
Thanks so much! 
Jade eyes: "Now I won't be able to watch ROTJ without thinking of the sponge cake with the candy cherries!!! J_P, it is so wonderful having you back around to make us LOL."
Thank you! I thought this semester would surely be the end of me. ACK! Thank goodness for Christmas break. 
divapilot: "Too bad we couldn't get a bunch of nice red shirts for those Imperial middle management types."
Can't you just see that??? Thanks, Sister-pilot!
ginchy lee: Thank you! Humor seems to follow me around no matter where I go. (I think it's the cheese).
Darth Marrs: Thank you so much. I do enjoy writing a twisted Vader.
Kelia: Thank you! It was fun to write, if a bit 'out there.'
brodiew: Thank you.
BaronCoop: "lol that was hilarious! I love crazy Vader, and no one does him better."
...makes me feel sad for the rest...
Thanks Baron C! So glad you're back in town!
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
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MarasFire
Registered:
Jun '07
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Date Posted:
12/19/07 5:31am
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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That was so funny!
Vader folded his black clad arms across his massive chest. “When did you become an admiral?”
“I believe it was right after you choked Admiral Ozzel, Sir.”
“Ozzel…Ozzel…which one was he?”
“The one after Motti, my Lord.”
Vader tapped his finger against his mask. “The one from Tepasi?”
“No sir, that was General Tagge.”
“Did I choke him?”
“I believe he died on the Death Star, sir.”
“Dang it…I so wanted to choke him.”
Y'know, I'm starting to suspect that Vader was really a Rebel sympathizer since he knocked off most of the Imperial officers himself!
A fantastic viggie, Jade!
-----signature-----
"There comes a time when a man has to ask himself
whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning."
-Linderman
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Jade_Pilot
Registered:
Dec '05
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Date Posted:
12/21/07 1:40pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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MarasFire posted:
That was so funny!
Y'know, I'm starting to suspect that Vader was really a Rebel sympathizer since he knocked off most of the Imperial officers himself!
A fantastic viggie, Jade!
I never looked at it that way!! Thank you so much for reading.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
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Idrelle_Miocovani
Title: Solar Power loving Scattergories Hostess
Registered:
Feb '05
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Date Posted:
12/21/07 8:39pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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One word: priceless.
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"He said, 'Don't die under my command, you're enough of a pain without the paperwork.' That was it."
"Tell him, 'Fine, there's no way I'm dying before you do, you morally bankrupt Colonel with a God complex.'"
Padawan of DarthIshtar
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Meredith_Kenobi
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
12/22/07 5:10pm
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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*giggle* This was simply delightful.
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Proud to be ZaraValinor's Padawan Delighted to be brodiew's Master 
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SilSolo
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
12/24/07 9:52am
Subject:
RE: Vader's no good, horrible really stinky day (humor challenge workshop)
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ROFL poor Vader, not enough people to kill.
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