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Author	Topic: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 8/13 Epilogue: Beginnings)
KELIA Title: Host: 20 Ques Bet Your Knowledge PT Rewrite Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 4/23 1:21pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/22 Ch. 11: Interviews) - Date Edited: 4/23 1:21pm (1 edits total) Edited By: KELIA
	WOW - that was intense. I never thought I would have sympathy for a gambling addicted thief but... On the other hand, perhaps DaRusso will think twice about where he steals from from now on. Great update -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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Thumper09 Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 4/23 6:39pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/22 Ch. 11: Interviews)
	Oooh, there's a lot happening in this chapter. “I’m fine. I got hit in the head with a musical instrument; that’s it.” There's got to be some sort of CorSec award for that. you don’t want to be the Corellian who owes Sho credits. Wow. I guess not! "...Are you stalling, detective?” “No…” Remy answered slowly. I was amused by that. And "Mr. Espionage." What a first impression for Remy to make on Synth, LOL. Party at Kavuertes's place! DaRusso's thoughts about picking locks vs. slicing made a lot of sense. That was a cool little detail. Too bad psycho Sho still got in, though. Ouch! “You gave me oblivyn! You gave me fake credits!” But then...what was Benali doing with fake credits? Did he know they were fake? Do others? Are they really fake? Great stuff! As a side note, I'm impressed by how you do the chapters and the chapter titles, Face. Each chapter has its own little theme, and they still all fit seamlessly within the story as a whole. In other words, the chapters are each distinct in their themes, but they're not so distinct that they make the story disjointed or choppy. I've been noticing this throughout the entire story, and I'm frankly envious of how well you pull it off. Can't wait for more! [face_puppy-dog-eyes] -Thumper -----signature----- "Like anything worth writing, it came inexplicably and without method." -Karen Eiffel The Way--Imperial pilot OCs, OT: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28104637 OC X-wing fics: http://www.coronasquadron.com/corona.html
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Jedi_Eruanne Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 4/25 7:41pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/22 Ch. 11: Interviews)
	Soo...first of all, I hate being sick. Secondly...have you ever watched NCIS? I just finished the second season, talk about awwwesome! Then I went and read your update...for a sick day it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Course...I can't really breath... Hmmm, so I've rambled too much. sigh Augh!!! I've gotta know what's happenin' to Jav!!! Someone HELP him! So THAT is how/when Lydon became an Imperial Investigator. Iiiiinnnteresssstinnnngggg..... RUN, DaRusso, RUNNN!!! (at least...I think that's his name...sigh) -----signature----- <><Jedi Knight For Christ><> Links to Fics in Profile---go check em out! Loyal Reader of Quiet_Mandalorian. MystralGurl's CRAZY Evil Twin (mwuhahahaha) Have you hugged your evil twin today?
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Laine_Snowtrekker Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 4/26 7:04pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/22 Ch. 11: Interviews)
	Hanging onto to every post. You truly are the master of the cliffie. I like this part, though. It made me laugh: Remy raised an eyebrow at the overconfident Imperial. “Working on calculus homework or what?” He laughed softly. “Oh no, I finished calculus when I was eight. That's hilarious! Thanks for the PM. -----signature----- Stealth and subtlety work well, but for making lasting impressions, a blaster does just fine. -Han Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book. -Cam Palso's #1 Fan JO: RS1, Admiral Fanfic link in bio (esp. 08 Diary Challenge)
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The_Face Title: Fan Fic Manager, now with more real butter flavor Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 4/26 9:07pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/22 Ch. 11: Interviews)
	Ale: It’s mostly available on iTunes, or at least YouTube. The jarring discrepancy of tone between scene and music that Tarantino often does was in fact my thought with “Go Down Gamblin’” over DaRusso getting beaten up. wait, can we use BSG curse words now, I forget... If you really frakking have to. MarasFire: "curiouser and curiouser” Extremely pleased you’re liking the dialogue. Good dialogue is one of my top goals in all my writing. VaderLVR: On purpose? Moi?? Raptor: Yeah, I just hope the recipe is OK. KELIA: I never thought I would have sympathy for a gambling addicted thief but... I’m glad he came off with some degree of sympathy. He was a tricky one to strike the right mix of good and bad. Thumper: Remy gets the Purple Heart-Shaped Pick. Glad you liked the little character detail of DaRusso’s old-school lock, even if it started out as an excuse to let Sho hit him with the door. But then...what was Benali doing with fake credits? Did he know they were fake? Do others? Are they really fake? That right there is exactly what needs to be asked. Eruanne: I think I watched ten minutes or so once. I don’t suppose that counts for much. We’ll be checking up on Jav very soon. Hope you get well soon! Laine: Synth is a lot of fun to write with all his little genius quirks. Thank you everyone for reading and replying! You all rock! Update coming Tuesday-ish. -----signature----- If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor Dear Father, I will see you there on distant shores * Galaxy of Suspects, a CorSec Mystery: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28083207&brd=10476
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The_Face Title: Fan Fic Manager, now with more real butter flavor Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 4/29 1:10pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/22 Ch. 11: Interviews)
	Dramatis Personae Bortelles CorSec Regional Director Jek Greeres: Human from Corellia. Long-time head of Bortelles CorSec. Arnim Kolne: Human from Imperial Center. Bortelles CorSec’s Imperial liaison, who has taken control of the division. Remy Diabet: Human from Corellia. One of the few clean CorSec officers in his city, Djerro’s partner. Djerro “Sonar” Begg: Human from Corellia. Remy’s partner, who left a life of wealth after his family was slain by a serial killer. Was assaulted in his home, presumed dead by everyone but Remy. Kaede Thylum: Human from Corellia. The Bortelles animal expert, with a trained Corellian slice hound named Thief. Died protecting Remy and Jav from Muerban Mannox. Brigan DaRusso: Human from Corellia. Citec’s partner, has feud with Remy. Meih Diabet: Human from Corellia. Remy’s sister, and rookie lab tech in forensics. Citec: Selonian from Corellia. DaRusso’s partner, concerned almost exclusively for the interests of his fellow Selonians. Duro Detective Inspector Jav Yonx: Duro from Duro. Synth’s ex-partner. Detective Sergeant Synth Lydon: Human from Duro. Genius cop, Jav’s ex-partner, now Imperial investigator hunting him down. Detective Inspector Kroma Sheik: Rodian from Duro. Jav’s friend, recently arrested for murder. Detective Sergeant Edairu Benali: Human from Duro. Died working with Remy on a case involving the SynMal Trading Company. The Royal’s Organization Welc “The Royal” Ryred: Human from Corellia. Wealthy head of Reissh Shipyards, and a crime lord who essentially owns the city. Zelvyn Judas: Gand, origin unknown. Cyborg enforcer with a death wish. Wynt Tlach: Human from Corellia. Armored bounty hunter and on-again off-again enforcer for the Royal. Muerban Mannox: Human from Imperial Center. Hitman with cybernetic eyes. Killed Kaede Thylum. Gil Tresler: Human from Corellia. Bookie, Sonar’s contact. Killed by Zelvyn Judas for his betrayal. Riphelius “Riff” Amstend, Jr.: Human from Corellia. Low-level shipyard employee sympathetic to Kaede. Bortelles Petric Tavil: Human from Ando. Head of SynMal’s Bortelles branch, the business Remy and Benali were investigating for connections to the Duro and Corellian underworlds. Doctor Natille Kavuertes: Human from Joralla. “Discreet medical service” who assisted Benali with the cuts on his arms. Katyana Ryred: Human from Corellia. Wife of the Royal, who doesn’t approve of his more ruthless tactics. Lindo June: Devaronian from Nar Shaddaa. Owner of a pawn shop on Stranger Street, a non-human slum. Tekulai Sho: Human from Eruian. Obsessive Corellian-hating mercenary to whom Brigan DaRusso owes money for a sabacc game. Chapter Twelve: Hits and Misses Kelona 7, 1257 Ryred Apartments, Northeast Complex, Room 7B Bortelles, Corellia This was not the first time Zelvyn Judas had been on Natille Kavuertes’s table. Over and over again, the cyborg had been injured and the Royal had used Kavuertes to repair him. But now there was something else. Hazards of the job had been replaced with the consequences of a death wish. Yet every time, instead of the release he so clearly desired, Judas woke with another cybernetic addition. His words before going under last night still haunted Kavuertes. “Judas is… no longer Gand…” She shook her head, as if to dislodge that rasping, metallic voice. It didn’t help. Kavuertes went to one of her many perfectly-organized steel cabinets. She returned to Judas’s side with a needle in hand. “You won’t feel anything,” she said, out of habit. She switched off the life support equipment for Judas, and moved to the hitman’s arm that was still organic. She found the proper place in the exoskeleton and willed her hand to steady. A mechanical red eye lit up and focused in. CHANGE IN VITAL SIGN LEVELS DETECTED. IMMINENT THREAT DETECTED. In an instant, Judas’s durasteel hand was around the human doctor’s throat. Slowly, with the whir of a reinforced spinal column, Judas’s upper body rose so that his face met with Kavuertes’s wide gasping eyes. Even as his automatic self-defense mechanism crushed her, he spoke three words. “Gand is sorry.” Unable to stop his own mechanical parts until they had destroyed the threat, Judas watched the life leave the woman who had tried to grant him his one wish. On the next bed, Jav opened his eyes groggily. They drifted right to the bacta patches on his shoulder, and arm. He could feel another on his neck. From there he looked down at the one on his gut. His gaze continued to move to the left, until he saw Kavuertes hanging lifelessly in the grasp of a horrific half-machine half-alien. The exhaustion left Jav in a moment. He threw himself off his bed, away from the killer. Judas stood, and set Kavuertes down softly in what had been his bed. He turned and started walking toward the detective, whom he’d identified as Jav Yonx. There was a hit out on Yonx, and Judas would follow it through even if it killed him. Especially if it killed him. Jav scrambled along the floor, frantically searching for something – anything – to use. He grabbed the rail of his bed and shoved it toward the hitman, pinning him between the two beds. Jav reached for the counter on his left, and found a bottle of blue liquid with a promisingly high number of warning labels. He went to unscrew the cap, but his hands were shaking uncontrollably. Judas calmly brought his arms down, took hold of the bed trapping him, and flung his arms skyward. The bed flipped through the air, directly at Jav. He ducked. It landed just past him, and rolled out into the larger apartment. Jav backed up after it, still fumbling with the cap on the apparently acidic blue liquid. Judas turned to one overhead cabinet, opened the door, and pulled out Jav’s blaster pistol. He was utterly steady as he loaded a pack into it and aimed at the Duro’s head. A splash of turquoise washed over Judas, and the enforcer finally reacted. He bent over, with smoke rising and a hissing sound emanating from the afflicted areas. The pistol dropped to the floor, half its barrel burnt away by the corrosive substance. Jav ran out into the main area of the apartment, where he’d interviewed Kavuertes two days ago. Judas stepped around the corner. Two long strides took him within reach of the Duro. His still-smoking cybernetic hand grabbed the back of his shirt. Jav fell forward, a new hole in his garment, but free from the other’s acidic grip. Jav crawled on hands and knees to get to the other side of the nearest chair. With one hand, Judas tossed it across the room. It hit a bookshelf before falling to the floor. Dozens of books followed it. The cop ran for the door. He pressed himself against it as he slammed the button to open it. Nothing happened. He hit it again. Judas continued to march forward. Jav hit it again. A message scrolled across the entry-pad in green digital letters. Don’t leave until you’ve paid! – Doc Kavuertes Judas, standing behind him, palmed the back of the Duro’s head and shoved it forward into the door. Consciousness fading again, the cop slid into a heap at the door’s base. ****** Kelona 7, 1310 Corellian Communities, Bortelles Location, Apartment 203 Bortelles, Corellia Remy pressed his eye against the door to see who was on the other side. The Corellian in the hallway put up a hand with the two smallest fingers in a brace. He seemed to be attempting an obscene gesture, but his inability to bend those fingers was hindering its effectiveness. Remy opened the door. “What are you doing here, DaRusso? What happened to you?” “A raging mad bigot,” he grunted. As he limped into Remy’s apartment, the extent of his injuries could be seen. There was also dressing for a broken nose, and splotches of blood on his clothes. “Tekulai Sho dropped by my apartment just now. We had a discussion.” DaRusso looked at Remy. “He did most of the talking.” “I thought you paid him.” He offered DaRusso a seat, but he refused it. “So did I. Turns out those credits your dead friend from Duro was toting around? Counterfeit.” He raised his eyebrows. “Sho doesn’t like counterfeit credits, Diabet.” “Fake. Well that adds another wrinkle to this. Why was he carrying counterfeit creds, and where did he get them?” murmured Remy. He asked DaRusso, “What are you going to do now?” The other cop searched Remy’s living room minifridge. “At the moment, drink all your numbing beverages.” He pulled out a promising bottle of dark amber liquid. “This appears to be the only non-caf drink you have, Diabet.” “It appears that way because it is.” “You’re a sick man.” “You’re a heavily-wounded man. I’ll get a corkscrew, if you tell me more about this Sho guy.” “Deal.” Remy turned to head for the kitchenette. DaRusso stood, shut the minifridge door, and bashed Remy over the head with the bottle. DaRusso shook his head at the unconscious Corellian, and dropped the remnant of the bottle’s neck. “Come on, Diabet. Never trust a sabacc player.” **** Kelona 7, 1311 Ryred Apartments, Northeast Complex, Room 7B Bortelles, Corellia The door slid open and Synth stepped in with both hands on an aimed blaster held at arm’s length. He looked around the apartment and took in everything. The books arranged both alphabetically and by size. The utter lack of filth that seemed to be otherwise omnipresent in Bortelles, except a spotty trail of blood leading from a room he couldn’t yet see. The pile of books and upturned chair in one corner, with imprints in the carpet to match the chair’s legs. The smell of caf left too long in the maker. Synth glanced back, reading a message scrolling across the display of the door’s nine-number control pad – the other side of which he’d sliced into to gain access. Synth stepped carefully around the furniture, keeping his weapon ready, and followed the blood. He spun around the corner and aimed both directions. On his right was an upturned bed. On his left, where the blood trail began, was an oddly sanitary-looking makeshift doctor’s office. He moved slowly into it, noting the medicines on the counter, the pool of corrosive acid, and the dead woman in a labcoat who lay serenely on another bed like the one now behind Synth. She looked as though this was her coffin, and Synth had interrupted a wake. He approached Kavuertes’s body and placed two fingers on her neck for a pulse. Nothing. Synth turned and checked the kitchen, refresher, and bedroom just to be sure. They were undisturbed – and as immaculate as the living room had been. “Director Kolne?” Synth strode out of the apartment with his commlink on his ear. “Zelvyn Judas has kidnapped Yonx; they are both injured. They left mere minutes ago; they’ll still be near my location. I need a coroner at said location to pick up the body of a Doctor Natille Kavuertes. “And Director? Is Detective Diabet at Primary?” **** Kelona 7, 1317 Reishh Shipyards Bortelles, Corellia DaRusso dumped Remy unceremoniously at his host’s feet. “And my debt with Sho?” “As good as taken care of.” “I have your word on that?” The Royal held up a hand and gave a crooked smile. “On my honor.” DaRusso snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Honor.” He cleared his throat. “Mr. Ryred?” “Yes, detective?” “I don’t wanna know what you do with him and the Duro,” DaRusso said. I don’t wanna know what I sold him into. “Trust me, detective,” the Royal replied, “you won’t.” NEXT: Missing Persons -----signature----- If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor Dear Father, I will see you there on distant shores * Galaxy of Suspects, a CorSec Mystery: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28083207&brd=10476
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 4/29 5:56pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	Still reading and enjoying immensely. Sorry for the shortness of reply. -----signature----- I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
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Corellian_Ale Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 4/29 7:04pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	Yet every time, instead of the release he so clearly desired, Judas woke with another cybernetic addition. His words before going under last night still haunted Kavuertes. “Judas is… no longer Gand…” Awww...Face! He was so cool, why'd you have to humanie him? Why? Why? DaRusso stood, shut the minifridge door, and bashed Remy over the head with the bottle. Ooo! DaRusso, you son-of-a-!!! Yikes!!! DaRusso sold Remy to the Royal?!?!? Now I definately can't wait for the next update Face... -----signature----- Darth Writer's Block stands at the end of my bed while I sleep and laughs... Proud Master to MsLanna ...
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KELIA Title: Host: 20 Ques Bet Your Knowledge PT Rewrite Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 4/30 4:19am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	Consciousness fading again, the cop slid into a heap at the door’s base. How could you leave off there!!! And I thought you were the cool writer who cared too much for his readers to leave them on pins and needles. “And my debt with Sho?” “As good as taken care of.” “I have your word on that?” The Royal held up a hand and gave a crooked smile. “On my honor.” What honor? That was even a crooked smile!! Great update and best of luck with finals -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 4/30 6:00am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	“And my debt with Sho?” “As good as taken care of.” “I have your word on that?” The Royal held up a hand and gave a crooked smile. “On my honor.” Nothing like giving yourself an out! Great update! -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. They call me NANA Vader. At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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Laine_Snowtrekker Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 4/30 10:05am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	DaRusso sold Remy to the Royal!!!!! Whoa. Great chapter. Felt bad for the doc, though. Thanks for the PM. -----signature----- Stealth and subtlety work well, but for making lasting impressions, a blaster does just fine. -Han Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book. -Cam Palso's #1 Fan JO: RS1, Admiral Fanfic link in bio (esp. 08 Diary Challenge)
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amidalachick Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 4/30 11:12am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	OK, I've finally gotten caught up, and...wow! I'm really, really loving this story. Yet every time, instead of the release he so clearly desired, Judas woke with another cybernetic addition. His words before going under last night still haunted Kavuertes. “Judas is… no longer Gand…” Awww. I feel kind of bad for Judas. Jav and Remy! They're definitely in some bad situations right now. Great update, and thanks so much for the PMs! And good luck with finals. -----signature----- "Give me a pom! Give me another pom! What's that spell? Pom poms!"
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Raptor517 Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 4/30 11:47am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	I take a break from my own finals to read this. Interesting turn of events...again. Raptor517 -----signature----- Piercing the Darkness http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28010631/p1/?1 His Brother's Words http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/26020497/p1/?3 Metamorphosis http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24997946/p5/?7 Hunter's Vendetta http://
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Corran_Fett Registered: Jan '05	Date Posted: 4/30 3:08pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	I read Ch. 11 shortly after it was posted and thought I wrote a reply, but looks like I didn't. Well, I won't make another in-depth feedback, suffice it to say that I immensely enjoyed it, and bringing DaRusso into the game was a very good choice; his backstory and sabacc addiction works great. I also really liked the part with Lydon and Remy a lot, it's interesting to see how they react in their first meeting. Remy's aversion to the ingenious inspector is played well, but it's ironic how in the end, they still have the same goal at that point, to find Jav; or so it seems. That the money was fake was really shocking, too, what leads us to the next chapter. The poor doctor, fallen prey to a mere flaw in the Gand's mechanical parts. It's funny what Ale said about making Judas "humane", it kinda reflects how some see Boba Fett treated currently, but in Judas's case, I think it only adds depth that fits to his character. Damn you, DaRusso and Judas, especially the first one. Now both Remy and Jav are at the Royal's mercy, and we all no there no such thing as "mercy" for Mr. Ryred... is it? Once again, great character interaction and dialogue, your OCs are so amazingly rich in every aspect! I also have to echo Thumper's sentiment about your chapter titles. I love coming up with titles that have more than a double meaning in the context of the chapter or the story, and yours are really fitting perfectly in that regard! And although I don't have the Alias soundtrack, I have to say Giacchino is always a great choice for soundtrack, hehe. -----signature----- The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue... When Few Stood Against Many \| http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/ - http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Thumper09 Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 5/3 9:14pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 4/29 Ch. 12: Hits and Misses)
	Aww, I liked Kavuertes! She was cool! It was interesting how Judas laid her gently in the bed after he killed her. I bet Jav rues the day he ever heard of Corellia. It looks like he and Remy are in for pretty bad stuff here. Hurry, Synth! And darn it, stop making me feel bad for DaRusso. As much as I agree with the "jerk" label Remy gave him and as awful as I think it is that DaRusso gave Remy to the Royal, DaRusso's desire to not know what happens to the pair makes me think he's got some remorse and some shred of humanity left in him. Great update! (despite what happened to Kavuertes and our favorite cops ) -Thumper -----signature----- "Like anything worth writing, it came inexplicably and without method." -Karen Eiffel The Way--Imperial pilot OCs, OT: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28104637 OC X-wing fics: http://www.coronasquadron.com/corona.html
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