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Author	Topic: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 8/13 Epilogue: Beginnings)
Luton_Plunder Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 6/5 6:46am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/2 Ch. 16: Local Branches)
	Chapter Nine Face posted: "What kind of cop," Jav asked, "knows how to steal a speeder?" "They call us CorSec." Oh my. Face, I don't think I've ever heard CorSec summed up so well before in my life This line gave me such a persistent grin. It's still there now and I read this line hours ago. This was also a brilliant first run through of the ever so famous Jav and Remy arguments under pressure. Intermittent thought - 'life bleeding from his wounds' was just brilliant. And Remy having to arrest Jav was a nice way to end this chapter. I can't tell you how impressed I am with how fast and tight the plot of this story is. Chapter Ten Jav and Remy's chase was great - and I very much appreciate the setup of the doctor for hire earlier being used now. I also love Remy's comebacks, even when he resorts to things like 'that's what she said' . And his argument with himself as to whether 'reck' makes sense without the 'less' made me lohle. Oh! And the doctor treating Judas! I would very much like to see this story adapted into a screenplay Galaxy Noir would make a hell of a movie adaption. Chapter Eleven Alright, though I loved the entire chapter I have to concentrate on one part in particular. The scene in the diner with Synth and Remy really had me geeking out. You described it so well that I was transported there, with the two men sitting in opposite booths. The whole thing came across as the moment that two great adversaries meet before they know that they're adversaries. That said, I must take a moment to compliment you on your villains again too. Sho is a scary guy. I certainly hope I never find myself indebted to him. Chapter Twelve Wow, poor Natille. I felt bad for her, and even for Judas who did seem to be sorry for what he had to do. And the whole slow-mo scramble for the door was well done, notably the message that the doctor left on the door. A simply addition that makes a whole bunch of sense. Wow, people get knocked out a lot here Frank Miller would be very proud of the durability of these protagonists Synth is being awesome again. Such is my commentary. Oh dear, Remy has been sold to the Royal. Things just keep getting worse and worse! Each chapter is a festival of enthrallation. This is now a word. Chapter Thirteen Hahah, A very nice way to bring Jav and Remy together. Face posted: "What in the galaxy was Benali doing with a case full of fake creds?" Jav wondered. "And where did he get them? And why didn't the killer take them?" "Sounds an awful lot like the questions we were asking when we thought they were real." This part really struck me as being clever. Well done, sir Face. Oh brilliant I loved the line about the clean room Jav and Synth must have shared. And hey, more Division 29! I'm getting more and more tempted to script the screener And I've got a sinking feeling about that body fished out of the ocean.... Chapter Fourteen Jav's introductory monologues are all great And go Jav, standing up to the Royal like that. And you know, I really like the idea that Jav still holds Synth in a kind of nice esteem. He knows that his abilities are great, and he sort of hasn't gotten to grips with the fact that he's switched sides. I liked it, anyway. Oh awesome! I didn't see the twist with the Tlach rescue, despite the clues you dropped earlier. I think I know who is behind this, too Oh, indeed it was Sonar I shouldn't write these things while I'm reading. Chapter Fifteen Aw, it's brilliant to see the gang together. And in Correalis, no less I admire Sonar's taste To summarise my thoughts on this chapter, I'll say 'excitement plus'. I loved that Remy's first assumption was that the datacard would self destruct, and Sonar swatted the idea away as stupid. Also, the idea that Remy told Benali that he was a super slicer was great too. And it of course is the perfect lead in to a cameo by Taban. Chapter Sixteen Well, what can I say - you got Taban spot on, and came up with some absolutely perfect Tack lines that I would never have thought of. By simply using the words 'How grave.', you sealed the characterisation with a perfectly awful pun. Excellent. It was also good to see what was in that 'long exposition from Benali' part - So THAT explains the false credits! The pieces fall into place a little further. (Aside - I love that Tack refers to Taban as 'Our Hero' no matter which story he's in Nice touch) But whoa! What on earth....That can't be Jav, right there - but the fact that the fellow waited until after he killed his victim to state his name seems to suggest he has no motive for lying. What in the galaxy is going on here? Gah, don't tell me I'll have to wait until the next update. I'm not good at that Great stuff so far Face - like I've said, I'm pretty sure this is my favourite Noir so far, if only because of how beautifully crafted it is. It's tightly structured and very well paced (though all the Noirs are very well paced). Pieces are coming together and I can't wait to find out what's the dealio with all this stuff going on in the place. Eagerly awaiting the next update! -----signature----- The Essential Guide to OCs. Say No to Mary. http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25562370/p1
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amidalachick Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 6/7 7:58am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/2 Ch. 16: Local Branches)
	“Remy is going to tell me I have a superior sense of humour.” The other Corellian laughed. “That’s the first funny thing I’ve heard you say!” Taban raised an eyebrow. “Still billing yourself with the ‘real berry flavour’ line?” “It’s real butter flavor, and your puns are horrendous.” “You wear jealousy like a neon feather boa, Remy; it just makes you look more ridiculous.” Loved this exchange! “–Call me Yonx.” That was unexpected! Jav, that's not you, is it? Is it??? Fantastic update, and I'm really looking forward to the next one! -----signature----- "I thought of letting go But my mind won't let me My heart will never know what's true I just never thought I'd find a reason Keep me coming back until I stay..."
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 6/7 6:35pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/2 Ch. 16: Local Branches)
	0First off, I clicked the big link and thought WTH??? Ooooh, I like Taban and Tack in this. I'll have to check them out! -----signature----- and i feel them drown my name so easy to know and forget with this kiss i'm not afraid to go but it goes so slow
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The_Face Title: Fan Fic Manager, now with real butter flavor Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 6/9 11:15am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/2 Ch. 16: Local Branches) - Date Edited: 6/9 11:17am (1 edits total) Edited By: The_Face
	Nat: I enjoy Tack and Taban a lot myself. It was really fun to get to write them. Laine: Wit and dialogue are my aims. Raptor: I totally owe that Tack narration device to Luton. I had something else there, until I remembered that quirk. Then I knew what had to be done. Luton: Speak of the devil! Good to see you hereabouts again, Futon. I Hot Fuzz. There’s a couple songs from its soundtrack on my Noir playlist, so there you go. Remy’s mental comebacks were my solution to how to take a character I’d been developing for four fics and de-develop him into a prequel self. Glad they seem to work. I am also veritably tickled that you got what I was going for with the CSI exit lines, and my spotlight on the awkward moments usually cut off by a scene break. Hey! Division 29 I think I'll write an episode one day I. Would. Love. That. Grant: Fancy seeing you here! Thanks much. KELIA: Heh, Tack could certainly use a lesson in protocol droid behavior; he might be nicer. Thumper: Sorry, I couldn’t get Taban without the puns. It’s apparently a package deal. Eruanne: I want so badly to say something but I’ll just let this “Yonx” business play out in the story… Vadey: I aim to please, ma’am. Luton x 2: Well Synth meeting people he dislikes for cooperation of some kind is a tradition that dates back to one Venigom Hai-soz. Frank Miller would fill them with more glass, I imagine. I shouldn't write these things while I'm reading. I rather like seeing people’s guesses change as the clues come and go. Yes, Tack’s “Our Hero” was quite purposeful. Taban may look like a guest star from this angle, but Remy and Jav are just as much a passing moment in his story… from a certain point of view. amidalachick: That exchange is one of my faves too. Leona: Yes, please do! The User stories come with highest recommendations, and they’re easy to catch up on too. Everybody: Thank you again so much everyone. Your readership and replies are extremely encouraging, and I appreciate it a lot. This next post starts setting us up for the ride to the finish. The author has turned on the Fasten Seatbelts sign. DRAMATIS PERSONAE Duro Detective Inspector Jav Yonx: Duro from Duro. Synth’s partner-turned-fugitive detective. Detective Sergeant Synth Lydon: Human from Duro. Genius cop, Jav’s partner-turned-Imperial investigator. Detective Inspector Kroma Sheik: Rodian from Duro. Jav’s friend, recently arrested for murder. Detective Sergeant Edairu Benali: Human from Duro. Died working with Remy on a case involving the SynMal Trading Company. Bortelles CorSec Interim Director Arnim Kolne: Human from Imperial Center. Bortelles CorSec’s Imperial liaison, who has taken control from Greeres. Assistant Regional Director Jek Greeres: Human from Corellia. Long-time head of Bortelles CorSec. Remy Diabet: Human from Corellia. One of the few clean CorSec officers in his city, Djerro’s partner. “The Sonar Man” (Djerro Begg): Human from Corellia. Remy’s partner, who left a life of wealth after his family was slain by a serial killer. Kaede Thylum: Human from Corellia. The Bortelles animal expert, with a trained Corellian slice hound named Thief. Killed by Muerban Mannox. Brigan DaRusso: Human from Corellia. Citec’s partner, has feud with Remy. Meih Diabet: Human from Corellia. Remy’s sister, and new forensic lab tech. Citec: Selonian from Corellia. DaRusso’s partner, concerned almost exclusively for the interests of his fellow Selonians. Deil’mah: Bothan from Bothawui. The Royal’s Organization Welc “The Royal” Ryred: Human from Corellia. Crime lord who rules Bortelles. Zelvyn Judas: Gand, origin unknown. Cyborg enforcer with a death wish. Wynt Tlach: Human from Corellia. Armored bounty hunter and on-again off-again enforcer for the Royal. Sells information to the Sonar Man on the side. Muerban Mannox: Human from Imperial Center. Hitman with cybernetic eyes who killed Kaede. Riphelius “Riff” Amstend, Jr.: Human from Corellia. Low-level shipyard employee sympathetic to Kaede. Gil Tresler: Human from Corellia. Bookie, Sonar’s contact. Killed by Zelvyn Judas. Other Petric Tavil: Human from Ando. Head of SynMal’s Bortelles branch, the business Remy and Benali were investigating for connections to the Duro and Corellian underworlds. Katyana Ryred: Human from Corellia. Wife of the Royal, who doesn’t approve of his more ruthless tactics. Lindo June: Devaronian from Nar Shaddaa. Owner of a pawn shop on Stranger Street, a non-human slum. Dr. Natille Kavuertes: Human from Joralla. “Discreet medical service” who assisted Benali with the cuts on his arms. Killed by Zelvyn Judas. Tekulai Sho: Human from Eruian. Obsessive Corellian-hating mercenary to whom Brigan DaRusso owed money for a sabacc game. Shivalla: Human, origin unknown. Agent and friend of the Sonar Man. Taban Maitland: Human from Corellia. Director (and sole employee) of CorSec Droids & Data division, based in Correalis. Tack: Quirky droid assistant belonging to Taban Maitland. Hyram Griffoteth: Human from Alderaan. Imperial bureaucrat who inadvertently leaked military secrets by way of his mistress. Chapter Seventeen: Causes Kelona 8, 1744 Local Time Bortelles, Corellia This was a big development in the case. We had an answer for what Benali was doing with a briefcase full of counterfeit credits. We had the answer for what he was doing at Kavuertes’ “discreet medical service.” We had Benali fingering Petric Tavil as attempting to sell him Imperial information, and cutting him up. The idea that SynMal was involved in his death was looking truer and truer, but we didn’t have the definitive evidence. Sonar had heard that the slug results had come in, but he didn’t know what those results were. There was a smoking gun, but it was in the Bortelles CorSec office. This wouldn’t have been a problem two days ago. But then the Royal’s desire to find Sonar’s dossier made us both targets for every criminal in Bortelles. And Synth’s arrival made me the target of every cop in Bortelles. In a city where the line between the two was blurry, stepping inside CorSec Primary was a surefire way to get ourselves arrested or killed. Sonar suggested comming Remy’s sister, since she’d have access to the evidence, but Remy wouldn’t have any of it. He refused to be party to any plan that got Meih involved. We returned to Begg’s hideout to rest, recover, and talk over our next move. I was incredibly relieved just to change into new clothes. The self-proclaimed “Sonar Man”, with the constructive criticism of Shivalla and myself, and the useless joke asides of Remy, formed a plan that we all agreed to. Against our better judgment. Remy and I would return immediately to the SynMal building, to see what we could find out about the deal they were making with the man they knew as Chal Ibanez. The man we knew as Edairu Benali. I really don’t know why I agreed to this plan. The speeder with a fake license pulled into an unwatched, untraveled alleyway before it came to a soft stop. Jav and Remy were seated in the left front and back seats respectively. On the right sat the beautiful driver, Shivalla. “Alright, boys,” she said, “this is it. You know your lines by heart?” They nodded. “Can recognize your cues?” They nodded. “Won’t get stage fright?” The speeder’s suicide doors swung open, allowing Jav and Remy to step out into the alley. The cop and detective both wore dark trenchcoats. Jav loaded a shortened rifle with a clak. He concealed it under his coat, while placing ammunition in the inside pockets on the opposite side. In his blaster hand, he aimed a heavy black pistol. Remy slapped blaster packs into two smaller silver blasters, which he slid into holsters under each arm. Extra packs clipped onto his belt on either side and on his back. They pulled their coats around them, and Jav put his blaster in his pocket, leaving their armaments completely disguised. Remy set his fedora on his head and tipped it forward to cast a long shadow over his face. “I promise nothing,” Remy replied. I pray we don’t need to use these. Shivalla smirked. “Are you sure you want your part in this?” Jav asked the woman. “I’ve got a strong sense of moral relativity,” she said, “and stopping a cop-killer is a good end. Let me worry about the means.” Shivalla looked at the Duro and Corellian again. “If a mystical life force suddenly starts existing, I sure hope it’s with you,” she said. The speeder doors shut, and she drove out of the alley toward her own destination. “I’m somehow not comforted,” Remy muttered. “It’s strange. You were about to arrest me as a vigilante just two nights ago. And here we are playing hero like a couple maniacs who’ve seen too many holos. Ridiculous.” “Hey, we’re cops. If you won’t take this as egotistical, I think that’s hero material.” “If cops are heroes, call me a private eye,” Jav requested with a glance at the cloudy evening sky. “’Cause heroes die.” Remy followed Jav’s gaze, then looked back at the Duro detective. “You,” he said, “are a big bald downer.” **** Kelona 8, 1744 Assistant Regional Director’s Office, Bortelles CorSec Primary Bortelles, Corellia Jek Greeres was still moving files and belongings into his cramped new office when Deil’mah arrived at the door. Just before the Bothan could knock, Greeres said “Come in.” “I’ll never understand how you do that.” Deil’mah handed Greeres a folded flimsiplast document. He smoothed the fur on his arm. “Postman came by with this for you. Seems to me it should probably have been sent to Kolne, but apparently it comes with strict instructions to be taken to you.” He shrugged. Greeres opened the flimsi letter. Weary blue eyes scrutinized it through horn-rimmed glasses, while growing wider and more alert. He ran a hand through his receding hair. “What is it, sir?” Deil’mah asked. The older man blinked. “It’s… It’s Remy Diabet’s letter of resignation.” **** Kelona 8, 1744 Ryred Family Private Residence Bortelles, Corellia The Royal stepped into his home with a heavy sigh. His security had been breached the previous night; Yonx and Diabet had disappeared along with any trace of Djerro Begg’s case against him. Natille Kavuertes had been killed, as had Kaede Thylum. Those two murders had not been by his order, nor even his desire, but it was his people who were responsible – Judas and Mannox, in acts of self-preservation. But he still bore the weight of the crimes. He still felt Katyana’s disappointment in him for the crimes. This was his city. What happened in this city fell on his head. When tragedies happened in Bortelles, they were his tragedies. That was the burden he felt pressing against his chest. “Katyana?” He walked through the dining room, into the kitchen beyond. He looked down to see the squishy yellow flesh of a starfruit quarter crushed beneath his shoe. His eye followed a wet streak up to where three more pieces rested. The Royal moved cautiously around the island to look at the other side of the counter. Sprawled out on the tile was the unmoving corpse of his personal chef, his own knife lodged in his chest. The crime lord spun around, drawing his sleek silver blaster pistol. He walked quickly, cautiously, aiming the weapon around corners as he searched his home. The first floor was empty other than the young cook’s body. The Royal pointed the blaster ahead of him as he carefully ascended the grandiose stairway. The first room of the upper floor was on the right, a refresher. He turned at the open door, but it also was devoid of life. The next door, also open, was his and Katyana’s bedroom – on the left. He proceeded down the darkened hallway intensely aware of the sound of his own breathing. He burst into the room, and dashed to the bedside. The Royal fell to his knees and whispered her name. Katyana Ryred, lying on the bed with a single bullet in her breast, made no response. Her husband’s fingers trembled as he brushed a loose strand of ebony hair from her ivory face. His low voice came softly again. “Kat.” His hand moved down her cold cheek to wipe away the trail of a tear she’d shed. He nearly controlled a city. But the circumstances that ended the lives of Kaede Thylum, Natille Kavuertes, his chef Ratim, and his own wife – those he had been unable to control. He hadn’t been able to save her. Never again. He would own Bortelles so completely that nothing would escape his approval or denial. No crime, no business, no injustice, no life outside the control of the Royal. That was his silent pledge at his dead wife’s side. Ryred lowered his head, and saw something he hadn’t before. Her sleeve was bloodied. He rolled it up to reveal an arm covered in cuts. He’d seen this before. “Tavil,” he hissed. “SynMal.” His commlink went to his mouth, and his voice came in a growl. “We are destroying SynMal tonight. I want every man, woman, and alien in that building to burn.” ****** Kelona 8, 1758 SynMal Trading Company Bortelles Branch Bortelles, Corellia We arrived at SynMal’s city headquarters and exchanged another glance. I could see it in the Corellian’s eyes, and I’m sure it was in mine. We both knew this wasn’t going to go to plan. Nothing has since Kroma Sheik was arrested back at Tiercan Dam. The clouds weren’t just forecasting the storm from the sky. They were heralding the violence to come below. Remy reached to open the door, with a hastily-applied grin that did nothing to hide the shaking in his hand. “Chin up, Jav. At least it’s not raining.” The first drop landed with a pop on his hat brim. “Friggin’ irony.” NEXT: Intrusions -----signature----- If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor Dear Father, I will see you there on distant shores * Galaxy of Suspects, a CorSec Mystery: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28083207&brd=10476
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Raptor517 Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 6/9 1:41pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	"Friggin irony"....lol. I never get tired of the banter on here. And I'm looking forward to the Royal vs SynMal. Raptor517 -----signature----- Piercing the Darkness http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28010631/p1/?1 His Brother's Words http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/26020497/p1/?3 Metamorphosis http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24997946/p5/?7 Hunter's Vendetta http://
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Jedi_Eruanne Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 6/9 7:14pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	Shivalla looked at the Duro and Corellian again. “If a mystical life force suddenly starts existing, I sure hope it’s with you,” she said. Teehee, that's awesome. I like Shivalla...or whoever the heck she is. wink wink, nudge nudge Remy followed Jav’s gaze, then looked back at the Duro detective. “You,” he said, “are a big bald downer.” HAHAHAHA!!!! That is one of the best lines, EVER! hugs thank you for making me laugh, I have been having a rough day. The older man blinked. “It’s… It’s Remy Diabet’s letter of resignation.” Well, well! Maybe, my dear Jav, you CAN call yourselves private eyes. The Royal fell to his knees and whispered her name. Katyana Ryred, lying on the bed with a single bullet in her breast, made no response. Her husband’s fingers trembled as he brushed a loose strand of ebony hair from her ivory face. His low voice came softly again. “Kat.” His hand moved down her cold cheek to wipe away the trail of a tear she’d shed. sniffle I wondered why I couldn't remember the Royal having a wife...poor guy. He's going slightly Anakin with the news, though. :P The first drop landed with a pop on his hat brim. “Friggin’ irony.” Heehee...oh, how I love him. WONDERFUL post, Nathan! Thanks for the Pm! -----signature----- <><Jedi Knight For Christ><> Links to Fics in Profile---go check em out! Loyal Reader of Quiet_Mandalorian. MystralGurl's CRAZY Evil Twin (mwuhahahaha) Have you hugged your evil twin today?
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Thumper09 Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 6/10 6:44pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	The older man blinked. “It’s… It’s Remy Diabet’s letter of resignation.” But did Remy type it in Verdana font? Otherwise it's not valid. So now Remy has also been let loose in the world unsupervised, though I wonder if he was going to resign anyway after all that happened recently or if it was required for the plan they're about to put into action. And what will Meih think about his decision? Wow, heavy stuff at the Ryred residence. And Katyana was cut up too, though... hmm... I'm wondering about that... I'll see how my new theory pans out now. Looks like a big collision course coming up here. Run, guys! Run while you still can! Great update! Looking forward to more! -Thumper -----signature----- "Like anything worth writing, it came inexplicably and without method." -Karen Eiffel The Way--Imperial pilot OCs, OT: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28104637 OC X-wing fics: http://www.coronasquadron.com/corona.html
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Corellian_Ale Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 6/10 8:00pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	Chapter Sixteen: Local Branches Tears welling in his eyes, he got down onto his knees and stared up at the alien. “Why are you doing this?” Griffoteth rasped. “Who are you?” The intruder calmly affixed a silencer to the barrel. “Why. Because you just can’t [i]trust anyone these days – Miss Elamare included. Because your bedroom banter includes Imperial defense secrets.” With great care, the Duro cocked the antique weapon. “Because your idiocy, Hyram, has forced me to kill innocents.” He aimed the pistol at full arm’s length. “And I’ll kill more yet. As to the latter question–” He fired in the middle of his sentence. The Imperial fell dead with a hole between his bloodshot green eyes – still waiting expectantly for the answer. “–Call me Yonx.”[/i] nah....Yonx is the Duro equivilant to Smith, right?!? RIGHT?!?!? The scene with the Royal kind of reminded me of a particular scene from one of the Godfather flicks...can't remeber which one though... The clouds weren’t just forecasting the storm from the sky. They were heralding the violence to come below. I don't care who you are, that's just dog-on great storytellin' right there... Two excellent chapters Face!!!! -----signature----- Dath Writer's Block stands at the end of my bed while I sleep and laughs... Proud Master to MsLanna ...
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 6/11 6:03am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	We arrived at SynMal’s city headquarters and exchanged another glance. I could see it in the Corellian’s eyes, and I’m sure it was in mine. We both knew this wasn’t going to go to plan. Nothing has since Kroma Sheik was arrested back at Tiercan Dam. The clouds weren’t just forecasting the storm from the sky. They were heralding the violence to come below. Remy reached to open the door, with a hastily-applied grin that did nothing to hide the shaking in his hand. “Chin up, Jav. At least it’s not raining.” The first drop landed with a pop on his hat brim. “Friggin’ irony.” -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. They call me NANA Vader. At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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Laine_Snowtrekker Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 6/11 7:53pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	Remy reached to open the door, with a hastily-applied grin that did nothing to hide the shaking in his hand. “Chin up, Jav. At least it’s not raining.” The first drop landed with a pop on his hat brim. “Friggin’ irony.” -----signature----- Stealth and subtlety work well, but for making lasting impressions, a blaster does just fine. -Han Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book. -Cam Palso's #1 Fan JO: RS1, Admiral Fanfic link in bio (esp. 08 Diary Challenge)
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KELIA Title: Host: 20 Ques Bet Your Knowledge PT Rewrite Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 6/12 3:46am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	I really don’t know why I agreed to this plan. Whatever happed to “I have a bad feeling about this?” “We are destroying SynMal tonight. I want every man, woman, and alien in that building to burn.”. Yikes! Why do I get the sense that’s just the beginning of Royal’s retaliation for his wife’s death? Great update -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 6/14 4:17am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	“Hey, we’re cops. If you won’t take this as egotistical, I think that’s hero material.” “If cops are heroes, call me a private eye,” Jav requested with a glance at the cloudy evening sky. “’Cause heroes die.” Remy followed Jav’s gaze, then looked back at the Duro detective. “You,” he said, “are a big bald downer.” While I was first going to agree with Jav, remy's reply was just priceless!! -----signature----- and i feel them drown my name so easy to know and forget with this kiss i'm not afraid to go but it goes so slow
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amidalachick Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 6/14 9:16am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	Oh, so much good stuff in this chapter! For starters, it's very atmospheric. “If a mystical life force suddenly starts existing, I sure hope it’s with you,” she said. Nice twist on "May the Force be with you." As always, Jav and Remy's banter is great. And wow...even the Royal has a 'human' side. Really touching moment when he discovers his wife's body. The first drop landed with a pop on his hat brim. “Friggin’ irony.” Awesome update, Face! I liked the PM, too. -----signature----- "I thought of letting go But my mind won't let me My heart will never know what's true I just never thought I'd find a reason Keep me coming back until I stay..."
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Iverna Registered: Feb '08	Date Posted: 6/14 12:52pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	Sorry I'm not replying regularly - "regularly" has never been my forte. I do read, though, and I really liked these past few chapters. Sonar is probably my favourite character, I'm really glad to see that he made it after all! Loving the banter, too, you write it really well. I really like your style - it's dramatic, believable, funny, and human. And I love how the plot is developing; I've never read a fanfic that was so good at capturing my attention. Can't wait to read what happens next! -----signature----- "Agent Winter, you've got ice water running through your veins." - Tycho Celchu *** Han WANTS the Falcon fixed! Right? http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28125675/p1/?5
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The_Face Title: Fan Fic Manager, now with real butter flavor Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 6/16 10:00am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 6/9 Ch. 17: Causes)
	Raptor: Royal vs. SynMal coming up… Eruanne: Keep an eye out for the Royal catching flame and dealing in absolutes. Thumper: He typed it in Comic Sans, which hardly seemed professional. Theory? I love theories! Ale: There are so many great scenes in the Godfather movies. Heck, there are a lot of scenes period. Long flicks. But I like to channel any and all good mafia portrayals for the Royal’s material. Vadey: Irony is one of the more obnoxious literary devices to experience, I’d say. At least with Foreshadowing you don’t notice it. Laine: I couldn’t help myself. What’s noir-ier than a rainy city? KELIA: “I have a bad feeling about this” is always ready, but you gotta use the rest of the roster too. Leona: If Jav were a user here, I would humbly recommend “Big Bald Downer” as his title. ’chick: MTFBWY is under the same policy as IHABFAT. Wow, I never realized. No wonder “I have a bad feeling about this” doesn’t get acronymed. Looks like “I have fat.” Iverna: No worries; I appreciate it just the same. Everyone: Thank you so much for all your wonderful replies and readership. Oh, and thanks for the nominations in the Saga Awards so far, for this, for I, Fugitive, and for Braken Starblaster, Space Attorney. Chapter Eighteen: Intrusions Kelona 8, 1759 Assistant Regional Director’s Office, Bortelles CorSec Primary Bortelles, Corellia The desk commlink rang with a pep that hardly befitted the dreariness of Greere’s mood. He kneaded the skin between his eyes as he picked it up. “Direc-… Assistant Director Greeres.” The Royal’s low voice purred, “Answering a little differently these days, Jek?” The hand massaging his migraine fell to the desk in a fist. Greere’s bright blue eyes lit up despite the shadows falling across his face. “Welc,” he growled. “You remember. Good. I’m calling on you because you’re about to grant me a favor.” Greeres hissed, “What the kriff do you want, you son of a–” “Jek, please. Language, language,” the Royal chided. “Soon the SynMal Trading Company’s Bortelles branch will be the target of a bombing. I’m afraid there will be no survivors. What’s worse is that some opportunist thugs will arrive soon after the bombing and kill those who may escape the tragedy.” “Blast it, Welc, why?” “May I remind you this is SynMal, Jek. Criminals in their own right. Smugglers, information brokers, thieves, and murderers. What happens tonight will be scum and villainy fighting scum and villainy. I’d have thought you’d be happy. Tsk tsk. It’s like I don’t even know you any more.” “Why are you telling me this?” Greeres asked. “Because this is where the favor you’re doing me comes in. CorSec will be nowhere to be found.” “You know I can’t do that.” “We’ve both seen the end of this game a hundred times before.” “No, I really can’t. I move flimsiplast now. Not people.” Greeres pushed the horn-rimmed glasses further up his nose. “The Imperials run Bortelles CorSec now, Welc. Quite literally and directly at the moment. Arnim Kolne and Synth Lydon are calling the shots. And they’re not in your pocket; they’re in the Emperor’s.” “I’ve considered this,” the Royal replied. “And it sounds like you’ll just have to be a little more creative this evening than usual. Someone else besides me is counting on you. Aren’t you?” Another voice came on the comm now, one that shot Greeres to his feet in horror. “Oh Force…” “We’re all fine,” the Royal assured him. “I only hope that good health will continue.” “I should kill you for this,” Greeres hissed. The gangster’s voice came back a little raspier. “Someone beat you to it, and now here we are. A couple desperate old ghosts. Don’t let us down, Jek.” ****** Kelona 8, 1801 Bortelles CorSec Primary Bortelles, Corellia Primary’s front room was its usual chaos as she entered. Officers, citizens, reporters, suspects, and persons of interest mingled in a swirling mass the likes of which Shivalla hadn’t often seen outside an emergency room. She approached the front desk, where an older woman sat conversing with three people at once – a blind green-haired man toying with his gloves, a woman in a business suit, and a Selonian officer. The CorSec receptionist had short brown hair with roots the color of the Imperial uniform Shivalla now wore under her own coat. “Come on, just a few minutes,” the businesswoman begged. “I’ll be gentle, I swear.” “I’m telling you, this time will be different,” said the blind man. “This thing might even tie into the assassination attempt on a’Ranti. I think they’re going to try again.” The woman at the desk held up callused hands to them all. She then redirected them into pointing at each person in turn. “Miss Sionis, Interim Director Kolne has been very clear he is not interested in meeting the press. Mister Verbum, I don’t know what a’Ranti is but I suggest you get out of this building before I have your private investigation license revoked or have you booked for harassment. Maybe both. And Citec, the interrogation rooms are all full up.” The other two walked away, but the Selonian detective remained. “Suspect in the Tresler case, follow-up for the Kavuertes case, witness in the Nikto and Corellian thieves we found full of windshield by the docks…” Citec’s fur rippled along his long body. “Judas is responsible for all of those!” “Check CorSec’s official word on that; the bogeyman doesn’t exist.” He shook the scrawny red-eyed human beside him. “This druggie is my only lead in finding Begg and I am needing to ask of questions him while I can use his withdrawal symptoms to my advantage.” “Listhen to th’ otter…” the addict agreed. “I thought DaRusso was on point for that?” “We am partners. But he is busy in destroying his liver.” “Are.” “What?” “Nothing, sweetie.” “Excuse me,” Shivalla interjected. The woman turned with eyes half-closed. “Alright, you’re excused. Anything else, hon’?” Shivalla reached into her pocket and held up the fake Imperial badge bearing her picture. “Yeah. Jaina Tammish, Imperial investigator.” The woman was utterly nonplussed. “No thanks, we’ve already got one.” “I know, Synth Lydon. He just got out of training, and I’m here to look over the case he’s been working. Make sure he’s crossing the tees, dotting the eyes, spelling Isard correctly... It’s procedure for more experienced agents to check in on the green investigators’ early assignments. You can check, if you like; I’m happy to wait.” She leaned in as if to whisper a secret. “Paid by the hour, y’know.” “Okay, but which case are you babysitting him on?” “Hmm?” “Lydon has worked on over a dozen cases while he’s been here. You’ve got a lotta reading to do.” She turned to instruct two bruised men to sit down and wait for Deil’mah. Shivalla adjusted her dark oblong-lensed glasses. “We’ll start with Edairu Benali,” she said. “I’ll need access to the reports on that case, and the forensics lab.” The woman gave Shivalla the directions she needed and went to typing away on a monitor in front of her. “Jaina” moved through the crowd to heavy blue doors that led to a much quieter area of the building – the lab. The doors slammed behind her with a crash that set off her survival instincts. She managed to stop herself at a battle-ready crouch. It wouldn’t have looked good to the security cameras for her to roll and pull a blaster at a loud sound. Jaina Tammish, fictional though she was, belonged here; Shivalla did not. She had to remind herself over and over to walk rather than sneak. She preferred breaking and entering to disguise and deceit. Her acting was considerably weaker than her sleeper hold. The scratchy fabric of the ill-fitting uniform was no help to relax her. Finding an Imperial uniform for a woman hadn’t been easy for Sonar on such short notice. One that came even close to fitting her figure was an even more difficult task. A young – very young – ponytailed lab tech stepped out into the hallway in front of her, and the two women barely avoided collision. “Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me, uh…” “Jaina.” Shivalla offered a hand and a smile. “Meih,” the other said slowly, regarding the Imperial’s white teeth and black glasses. “Can I help you?” “I’m here to look over Investigator Lydon’s work here. I’m sure it’s all in order, but we have to do this for the rookies. Bureaucracy,” she muttered with an eyeroll. “I’d like to look over the Benali case. But if you’ve any caf, I wouldn’t mind refueling while I’m here.” “Uh, sure, follow me.” Meih led Shivalla down the hall to a room full of computer monitors and filing cabinets – but mostly dust. In one corner was a counter covered in brown rings, where a carafe rested in its proper machine. She eyed the bottom of a mug from a nearby cabinet, and finding it acceptable, poured in steaming dark liquid. Shivalla accepted the gift graciously. Sipping it, she regretted thanking Meih, but said nothing of it. Meih next began to root through a heap of flimsiplast documents, raising a small cloud of dust in the process. Shivalla eyed the door and her caf with equal amounts of suspicion and worry. At length, she asked, “There isn’t a quicker way?” “Interim Director Kolne,” Meih grunted. “He’s revamping our computer system at the moment. Synchronizing us with some Imperial network or something. Things’ll be faster and more efficient when work’s done on it, he says. Meanwhile, just trying to use it is an enormous pain. Trust me, we’re doing this the quick and easy way right now. Ah, see? Here it is.” She held up a folder sloppily stuffed with flimsiplast pages of information on the Benali case. “Excuse me,” a male voice cut in. Shivalla and Meih both looked up to see Synth Lydon standing in the doorway. His cool gray eyes locked on Shivalla. “I don’t believe I recognize you.” Shivalla turned and gave Synth a once-over, seeking her options for disarming him non-lethally and otherwise. “They’re just getting ‘em younger and younger, aren’t they? Jaina Tammish, Imperial investigator. You must be Synth Lydon.” Synth’s eyes narrowed as he shook her hand. “What brings you here?” “You.” “Have I done something wrong?” “That’s what I’ll be finding out,” she said with a smirk. “Seriously though, don’t worry about it. It’s just a standard procedure to check up on our newer agents’ cases. How’s the new job treating you? Making the transition easily?” “Yes,” he answered. “Miss Diabet here was just showing me the Benali file,” Shivalla said, accepting the folder from Meih. “What are your thoughts on it?” “My thoughts on it are documented in my reports to Colonel Yttrio. If you’re responsible for my performance review, I presume you’ve read them?” Shivalla hesitated. “The… margins were impeccable.” Synth placed his arms akimbo. “Thank you. And my inclusion of the missing cops – Diabet and Yonx – wasn’t too tangential?” “…Well you’ll get a better feel for what to include and leave out with experience…” Synth drew his blaster, and Shivalla hers. A scream caught in Meih’s throat, leaving her silent but clearly terrified. “I filed that information in separate reports, to Major Grimbol,” Synth said. “Who are you?” Shivalla stuffed the Benali casefile into her jacket. “You’re the investigator.” She stepped to one side, continuing to keep her blaster trained on Meih’s forehead. “Figure it out.” ****** Kelona 8, 1808 SynMal Trading Company Bortelles Branch Bortelles, Corellia We entered the building saying very little, which is saying a lot – for Remy, at least. It was eerily quiet as the guards escorted Remy and Jav up to Petric Tavil’s office as before. They could hear the Petchuck River roaring as the lock outside allowed a ship passage. With the growing storm outside, the transparisteel décor of SynMal traded its pleasant light for an unsettling air. This time the guards followed the two cops into Petric Tavil’s cold unadorned office. Remy winced. “Hey Tavil. Can you leave your goons outside while the adults talk?” The businessman raised an eyebrow. “Will you be excusing yourself as well?” Remy raised his badge. “Please?” Tavil gestured to the door with his golden cybernetic hand. The guards – a human and a Rodian – began to move away. “To what do I owe the honor?” he asked as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the front of his white wood desk. Jav held up a flimsiplast document Sonar had forged. “The warrant came in. Do you have the records and security footage for Benali’s time of death?” “Yes. Yes I do.” “…Well can we see them?” “First I’d like to see that fake warrant a little closer. It’s very convincing.” Remy and Jav’s frowns grew deeper, while Tavil’s smirk spread. “You two are supposed to be a little more missing than this. In fact, you are supposed to be a fugitive.” He pointed at Jav. His guards turned from the door. “How much would I get for turning you in, I wonder? Think I’d get honored by my neighborhood watch? Maybe a glowing human interest story in the Informer? I admit, I’d prefer the Daily, but I hate to get my hopes too high.” They moved. Jav whirled around, his dark coat spreading out and revealing the cut-down rifle he was now aiming at the two SynMal guards. Remy trained a silver pistol on Tavil. The guards drew blasters of their own, each aiming at one of the detectives. The five men stood frozen in the stand-off, their breath the only sound. “Well,” Tavil said carefully as he eyed Remy’s shaky hand, “what, pray tell, were you planning to do next?” ****** Kelona 8, 1810 The Selonian Underground Bortelles, Corellia The otherwise innocuous device’s display flashed a friendly green light, followed by the more ominous ARMED in red. Muerban Mannox turned and walked away down the empty tunnel which was located directly below SynMal’s Bortelles branch, detonator in one hand and commlink in the other. He stepped over the bodies of a Selonian patrol. “Royal,” he said. “Ready when you are.” NEXT: Standoffs -----signature----- If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor Dear Father, I will see you there on distant shores * Galaxy of Suspects, a CorSec Mystery: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28083207&brd=10476
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