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Author	Topic: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - Complete)
Corran_Fett Registered: Jan '05	Date Posted: 3/4 8:31am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	The_Face posted: If there’s one thing Corellians know, it’s gambling. If there’s three, add on liquor and vehicles. Oh yes, you've hit the nail on the head there. I hope you're not bothered by my hearing the voice of someone like Leia saying that line.... The_Face posted: “Who is this ‘Royal’ anyway?” No story by Master Face without Master Ryred, eh? A really cool and solid evil-guy-character you've built there. The_Face posted: Remy, eyes on the road, added, “I’d like to put my blaster to his head and set it to something stronger than Trifle.” I bet. The_Face posted: “…and that’s why I’m never accepting caf from Corran Horn again,” finished Remy. “You have no idea what a big deal not accepting caf is for me. Here we are.” Yay, Corran! Nice point you made there, with the "prejudice" of all Bortelles being your average hive of scum and villainy. The_Face posted: Sonar took a few steps back. “I’d bet a hundred credits it was a speeder, and the killer’s transport.” “To be fair; you’re rich, and a hundred credits doesn’t mean a lot to you,” Remy said. His partner shrugged. Another great example of masterly crafted OCs and great char interaction. Really sweet line. The_Face posted: The Royal smiled and retrieved two glasses from the compartment. “Are you familiar with the tale of ‘the nerfherder who cried panther’, Mr. Otomay?” I don't know this one, but one of my favorite tales is that of "the boy who cried wolf".... But I gotta say, there do seem to be parallels... I like the Royal's version, the way he told it. Really sweet job on this whole sub-chapter, well crafted with an interesting twist to the tale at the end. Very nice update, and I can only repeat: Mr. Ryred works great and very believable in his villain role (though, dogs in SW? ). He does have one weird sense of humor, though. Shame nobody's ever gonna tell him, as they all fear him. I wonder, have you ever watched the British TV-series Life on Mars (no, it's barely sci-fi, mostly damn solid police drama set in the 70s, with a bit of mystery)? I think it might be right up your alley, for inspiration, and mainly amusement and great entertainment--and a great soundtrack! Can't beat DCI Gene "the Guv" Hunt and his Met crew. Aaanyway, back to your story, hope you don't let us wait too long for the next update. Keep up the splendid work. -----signature----- The other side of the NJO, featuring Mandalorians, Vong, and Peace Brigaders in a thrillride full of betrayal and intrigue... When Few Stood Against Many \| http://boards.theforce.net/b/b10477/25253415/ - http://corranfett.deviantart.com -
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Thumper09 Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 3/4 9:05am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	Remy, eyes on the road, added, “I’d like to put my blaster to his head and set it to something stronger than Trifle.” I know Remy's angry, but I still got a kick out of this line. And "mustache-twirlingly evil" is my new favorite phrase. Hmm, the parking garage raises all sorts of questions. And then more questions pop up during the car ride with the Royal. Lots and lots of questions. That was quite an ending to the post. Royal's "I know" was creepy, and the twist on the story was as well. I felt bad for Otomay, and now I'm blaming you for making me feel bad for criminals. Great chapter, as always! -Thumper -----signature----- "Like anything worth writing, it came inexplicably and without method." -Karen Eiffel The Way--Imperial pilot OCs, OT: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28104637 OC X-wing fics: http://www.coronasquadron.com/corona.html
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Jedi_Eruanne Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 3/4 2:39pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	My humble apologises, Senior Sonar...I meant no offence. (well, actually, that's a lie, but don't tell him. ) hahaha Something stronger than Trifle? Heehee...I'm going to have to use that sometime. :P Oh Remy, how I love thee... blinks What was Jav doing? Am I just too conditioned to the oddness of Jav Yonx? Poor likkle Nerfherder...I mean, Mr Otomay... Very cool bit there. I love how you used the Boy Who Cried Wolf...and then changed it at the end. Very cool. Royal is a really awesome bad guy. (don't hit me, Remy!!) 'Mustache-twirlingly evil' has got to be one of the best adjective mash-ups that I've come across yet... -----signature----- <><Jedi Knight For Christ><> Links to Fics in Profile---go check em out! Loyal Reader of Quiet_Mandalorian. MystralGurl's CRAZY Evil Twin (mwuhahahaha) Have you hugged your evil twin today?
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The Musical Jedi Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 3/4 7:49pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	I'm wandering back out of lurk-dom. Thanks for the PMs, though! Love the tale you're weaving thus far - and the lists of characters is very helpful! Royal seems very interesting and clearly not someone to cross. The humor is fantastic, especially everyone's quips! Can't wait for the next update. -----signature----- Real heroes were like the characters in that man Tolkien's story, who did what they had to even if they hated it, even if it took their own lives away from them. -- Otherland: Mountain of Black Glass, Tad Williams --- Lord help our Colts.
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KELIA Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 3/5 9:31am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	“I’m innocent!” “I know.” Royal and Don Corleone could be twins shudders That was a very well written execution scene, though. Great update -----signature----- "Do or do not, there is no try." Master Yoda A Light In The Darkness: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28150602/p1/?8 Undue Circumstances: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28530583/p1/?10
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Laine_Snowtrekker Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 3/5 9:27pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	Oh, I liked this! Especially the adjective 'mustache-twirlingly evil' and the story of the nerfherder that called panther. Thanks for the PM. -----signature----- Stealth and subtlety work well, but for making lasting impressions, a blaster does just fine. -Han Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book. -Cam Palso's #1 Fan JO: RS1, Admiral Fanfic link in bio (esp. 08 Diary Challenge)
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The_Face Title: Fan Fic Manager, now with more real butter flavor Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 3/6 6:17pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/3 Ch. 3: Kings)
	Iverna: Glad you’re liking the Royal, twisted humor and all. When I wrote that scene, I’d recently seen Pulp Fiction and Collateral. I think it shows in the dialogue a bit. MarasFire: Corran Horn at this point is still in CorSec, yeah. The fic is set a year before the Battle of Yavin, and he’s still with CorSec at least 3 years after that. I contemplated a brief cameo in planning, but I didn’t have a place to fit him in. Another excellent update; I'm starting to expect nothing less. Oh geez, now I’ve got expectations! VaderLVR: Nicely done! Remind me not to cross you. Raptor: I try very hard to write good villains; glad you’re liking the Royal here. CF: I hope you're not bothered by my hearing the voice of someone like Leia saying that line.... She would know, wouldn’t she? The Royal’s appeared in this, Galaxy Noir, Escape from Perdition, and For Hire, with a flashback appearance in GNIII. He took GNII off, as well as most of III and all of Grey. I’ve enjoyed giving him more and more depth with each story, though. Dogs are totally canon. Luke had one according to the ANH novelization, and Lando’s been mentioned as having had one. They’re the creature that gets mentioned but never seen. [face_suspicious] Life on Mars is a good show. I’ve only seen a couple episodes, but I did enjoy it. Thumper: “Something stronger than Trifle” is a personally favored line of mine. I’m blaming you for making me feel bad for criminals. Who, meee? Eruanne: The idea is that Jav keeps saying dramatic scene-break things straight out of Law and Order or CSI, and then the scenes keep going because it’s “real life”, not a holodrama. Such as: Chapter 2 posted: “And who finished the job,” Jav said, striding out of the morgue “Where the heck is he going?” asked Meih. “I really do not know,” her brother replied. And here: Chapter 3 posted: Staring at nothing in particular, he declared, “We find that speeder; we find our killer.” An awkward silence fell over the trio. I think we’re used to Jav being weird by now, but Remy isn’t quite there yet. Musical: Heh, welcome back from LurkerLand. Quips are my spec-i-ality. KELIA: Mr. Ryred neither confirms nor denies any relationship to the Corleone family. Laine: “Mustache-twirlingly” was a late addition. And they say adverbs hurt. Thanks, everybody, for reading and replying! I really appreciate it! And now an updated DP... Dramatis Personae Bortelles CorSec Regional Director Jek Greeres: Human from Corellia. Long-time head of Bortelles CorSec. Remy Diabet: Human from Corellia. One of the few clean CorSec officers in his city, Djerro’s partner. Djerro “Sonar” Begg: Human from Corellia. Remy’s partner, who left a life of wealth after his family was slain by a serial killer. Kaede Thylum: Human from Corellia. The Bortelles animal expert, with a trained Corellian slice hound named Thief. Brigan DaRusso: Human from Corellia. Citec’s partner, has feud with Remy. Meih Diabet: Human from Corellia. Remy’s sister, and rookie lab tech in forensics. Citec: Selonian from Corellia. DaRusso’s partner, concerned almost exclusively for the interests of his fellow Selonians. Deil’mah: Bothan from Bothawui. Duro Detective Inspector Jav Yonx: Duro from Duro. Synth’s partner. Detective Sergeant Synth Lydon: Human from Duro. Genius cop, Jav’s partner. Detective Inspector Kroma Sheik: Rodian from Duro. Jav’s friend, recently arrested for murder. Detective Sergeant Edairu Benali: Human from Duro. Died working with Remy on a case involving the SynMal Trading Company. Bortelles Welc “The Royal” Ryred: Human from Corellia. Wealthy head of Reissh Shipyards, and a crime lord who essentially owns the city. Zelvyn Judas: Gand, origin unknown. Cyborg enforcer with a death wish. Chapter Four: Leads Kelona 5, 0850 Officer’s Lounge, Bortelles CorSec Primary Bortelles, Corellia I read somewhere the statistics on cop killers in Bortelles. Apparently, four of five cops killed in this city are murdered because of a case they looked into. So I thought it was time I heard from Diabet himself about the case he was working with Benali. Disturbing side fact: Two of five CorSec homicides here are followed by the murder of one or more other cops. Sooner I get out of this corrupt mudhole, the better. Remy tossed himself onto the small gray couch, indicating a burgundy chair for Jav. “There’s drinks in that machine, but it’s getting a little racist in its old age, so let me use it if you need anything.” The beverage vendor retorted with a sharp blat. Remy scoffed. Jav glanced at it, at Remy, and finally at the ceiling. Why did I have to be paired with him? “Okay,” the Corellian began, “the SynMal case. Benali contacted me about it a couple weeks back. As I understand it, you boys on Duro have made a couple busts of illegal goods, but not been able to tie it back to SynMal itself.” “I wasn’t involved with either of those busts,” Jav said. “What kind of goods?” “Oh, other than the conspicuous lack of drugs, it was the usual. Powerful weapons mostly, but a few banned tracts and paintings too. Way I see it, the art was headed to some deviant aristocratic client, and the blasters to more typical criminal buyers. Your swoop gangs, your Black Suns, your Hutts. Benali never found the indisputable evidence that SynMal was involved, but the circumstantial is a-bloody-bundant. “Among the confiscated items? Imitation Corellian bloodstripes. Clearly not a product destined for – or produced in – Duro. So Benali commed through to me, based on some work I’d done as a rookie. It’s not important. Anyway, we started working on establishing definitively the link between the SynMal Trading Company and all its little branches along the trade route, and the increase in smuggling. When Benali was killed, we still didn’t have it.” “What do you have?” Remy shrugged. “Not much at all, really. It’s like something doesn’t want us to solve this.” He cleared his throat. “We’ve got background on a lot of the players in the organization; I can send it to you.” “Good. Do that.” You just want to be able to read it alone instead of being in the same room with me, thought Remy. His voice, however, was friendly and polite. “I will.” ****** Kelona 5, 1027 Ryred Apartments, Northeast Complex, Room 7B Bortelles, Corellia As we’d decided earlier, Begg, Diabet, and I checked in with the local hospitals to see if Benali had been recently admitted for the cuts on his arms. We spoke with very nearly every nurse and doctor in Bortelles, and nothing came up matching Benali’s name, description, or injuries. That lead seemed not to be leading anywhere after all. Then Begg had a suggestion. He has established as a contact a mob doctor working out of the densest area of the Royal’s control: the east side of Bortelles. The name was Natille Kavuertes. We decided to make a house call. “She’s not exactly a mob doctor,” Sonar said as Remy parked their speeder a few blocks away; they needed to distance themselves from that obvious giveaway that they were cops. “She’s not on the Royal’s steady payroll. Natille considers herself more of a discreet medical service, of which the Royal’s people happen to most often make use. If someone can pay, she’ll help them, Royal-affiliated or not. Which I think may be exactly what happened with Benali.” “Though why he would want those cuts kept secret mystifies me,” added Remy. Sonar shrugged. “Maybe she can un-mystify you.” They climbed the stairs of Kavuertes’s ancient apartment building, to the second floor where she resided. Sonar knocked heavily three times. The door slid open to a small dark-skinned woman in her late 40s wearing a lab coat that had once been white. “You brought friends.” “They’re okay,” Sonar reassured her. “They don’t look injured.” “I’d be glad to kneecap Remy if it would help.” Remy shot Sonar a glare, then addressed the woman. “Remy Diabet, now with more real butter flavor, and this is… Jav Yonx.” He glanced at the Duro for confirmation; Jav gave a small nod before rolling his eyes. “We’d just like to ask you some questions about a patient you may have had.” She narrowed already narrow eyes. “That kind of goes against the whole ‘discreet’ part of the business model, now, doesn’t it?” Sonar held up a headshot of Benali. “Edairu Benali, cop from Duro.” “Doctor-patient confidentiality.” “He died three days ago.” “Dead don’t pay. Come on in.” Kavuertes kept a neat apartment. Unusually neat. Jav took in the sparse bookshelves with all the items centered, the immaculate carpeting, the utter lack of dust, and the minimalist furniture. Kavuertes was obsessive-compulsive. She gestured to the couch and the chairs flanking it. “Feel free to sit. Can I get anyone a drink?” “Do you have caf?” asked Remy as he settled onto the couch. “How do you take it?” “In large quantities.” “We could form a club.” She walked into the next room, the kitchen, to retrieve the caf. “I appreciate you not coming in full CorSec khaki-and-gray, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still look the part. Talking to cops in this neighborhood is…” “You’ll be paid,” Sonar assured her. He sat in the chair at Remy’s right. Jav opted to remain standing. “I just like to hear you say it.” Kavuertes handed Remy his caf and took the chair opposite him. She blew over the surface of her own mug. “When did you meet Benali?” Sonar asked. “Six nights ago, Benali showed up at my door in the shape most people show up at my door. I was reluctant to let him get his CorSec blood all over my place, but he had hard cash on him up front. A lot.” “Actually he wasn’t CorSec–,” Jav started. “Define ‘a lot’,” Remy interrupted. The Duro briefly shot him a look. “Thousands he offered me. I wasn’t hesitant to accept. And there was more where that came from. Couldn’t see how much, but that’s more shiny than a humble cop carries.” She took another sip of caf. “Had it in a black-and-silver briefcase, with some kind of animal’s head on it. A… sabrecat, I think.” Sonar jotted all this down on a pocket-sized datapad. He tapped the stylus on the edge. “What kind of wounds did Benali have?” “Don’t you have his body?” “I just like to hear you say it,” Sonar returned with a small smile. She smirked back. “Cuts. Lots and lots of cuts all up and down both arms. Couldn’t really tell what from, but it wasn’t a vibroblade.” “Did he say how he got the cuts, or from whom?” Jav inquired. “Policy is I don’t ask, so I can’t tell. For what it’s worth, I didn’t see any gang signatures, but it looked like a message nonetheless.” Kavuertes looked at each of the detectives in turn. “Seems to me your friend was in something, and in it deep.” ****** Kelona 5, 1222 Ryred Family Private Residence Bortelles, Corellia Welc “The Royal” Ryred walked into the dining room with breath heavy. “I’m so sorry I’m late, dear. I sold a yacht to a senator who didn’t know when to shut up.” He hung his black overcoat on the nearest chair. He glanced at the table, then at his wife standing back from it with arms folded. Long black hair framed the cold stare on a face with high cheekbones and perfect pale skin like a doll’s. “Katyana?” She glowered back at him. “I know about Bel.” He walked past the untouched meal on the table to stand at her side. He stretched a comforting arm around her shoulder, but she turned away from his touch. The Royal’s low voice came softly. “Kat…” Her green eyes flashed as she snapped, “Don’t call me that.” He hesitated. “One day you told me I was the only one who could call you that name.” “I said that to Welc Ryred. Whereas the Royal doesn’t enjoy that privilege,” she replied. “Bel? Bel has been nothing but good to you. He has done everything for you, and you killed him. You killed a good man, a decent man. That you did it personally rather than giving him to the nightmare absolves nothing.” Katyana shook her head. “Some honor among thieves.” “I find what honor I can,” he said, barely restraining the two words he so wanted to say: just business. “In betraying an utterly honest man? Those are hard to come by in this life. Force knows there isn’t one in this room.” “Katyana, I deeply regret what happened to Bel…” “No,” she interrupted firmly. “I am forty-two years old. I have neither the time nor the patience for your double-talk. Speak to me like you’re not on trial.” “I truly wish he hadn’t died. I don’t want us to be like this.” “A man gets his face blown off, and you think our relationship is the point,” Katyana said, walking to retrieve her own coat. “See Doctor Imen, Father Maclamahoney, someone. I’m going out to eat. Tell my tail not to bother following.” The door slid shut behind her, leaving the Royal alone with a meal for two. His fist slowly connected with the wall. Quietly, he finished his thought. “I need Us.” ****** Kelona 5, 1301 Regional Director’s Office, Bortelles CorSec Primary Bortelles, Corellia Sonar went to knock on Greeres’s door, and heard the director’s voice instructing him to enter. He did. Greeres looked up from his monitor at the other man. He removed the earbuds playing neo-classical music. “Ah, yes, Djerro?” “May I have a moment, sir?” “Uhm, sure, sit down.” Greeres held his horn-rimmed glasses in one hand while rubbing his bloodshot eyes with the other. He pinched the skin between his eyebrows, and replaced the glasses, before facing Sonar again. “What about?” “I’ve been on the force for almost two years now?” “Yes, something like that.” “I’ve wanted to be a CorSec officer since I was eleven or so. I really have to thank you for allowing a Begg to join your department.” Greeres smirked and glanced down. “Best decision I ever made,” he mumbled. “You made these past two years possible,” Sonar said. “That’s why I wanted you to be the first to know.” He waited for Greeres to meet his gaze before quietly delivering the next words. He set his badge and pistol onto the other man’s desktop. “I’m resigning.” NEXT: Goodbyes -----signature----- If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor Dear Father, I will see you there on distant shores
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Laine_Snowtrekker Registered: Jul '03	Date Posted: 3/6 8:05pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	Ooh, stuff is thickening! Good post. And you're doing a good job of making me feel sorry for the Royal, even while I think he's a despicable scumbag. And I wonder why Sonar's retiring...(I mean the specific reason, not the general corruption or whatnot). Thanks for the PM. -----signature----- Stealth and subtlety work well, but for making lasting impressions, a blaster does just fine. -Han Room full of gold and jewels, and Dr. Daniel Jackson finds the one book. -Cam Palso's #1 Fan JO: RS1, Admiral Fanfic link in bio (esp. 08 Diary Challenge)
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The Musical Jedi Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 3/6 8:16pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	Hmmm... why is Sonar resigning when this is all he wants? And more importantly, why does a side character have the same last name as the alias of Yodimus's character in USJS? Wait, priorities are out of order. First of all, thanks for the DP. Very helpful. And the plot thickens... Nice update, and I hope you have a great spring break! -----signature----- Real heroes were like the characters in that man Tolkien's story, who did what they had to even if they hated it, even if it took their own lives away from them. -- Otherland: Mountain of Black Glass, Tad Williams --- Lord help our Colts.
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Healer_Leona Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 3/7 5:07am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	Nice observation on Jav's part about the negative space at the crime scene. Hmmm Royal's quite the cold killer. I've always detested those that think by explaining their predicament to the 'target' it makes them more understandable. It only makes them more despicable. “Remy Diabet, now with more real butter flavor, I was so waiting for that. Interesting little discussion between husband and wife. you did it personally rather than giving him to the nightmare absolves nothing.” The nightmare???? I do hope Kat realizes just what lengths her husband is willing to go to for his 'reputation' and that she is no more safe then Bel. And off goes Sonar. -----signature----- Still crazy after all these years.
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VaderLVR64 Title: Fan Fic Manager in Combat Boots Registered: Feb '04	Date Posted: 3/7 6:42am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	I like where this is going. Loved this little exchange: “She’s not exactly a mob doctor,” Sonar said as Remy parked their speeder a few blocks away; they needed to distance themselves from that obvious giveaway that they were cops. “She’s not on the Royal’s steady payroll. Natille considers herself more of a discreet medical service, of which the Royal’s people happen to most often make use. If someone can pay, she’ll help them, Royal-affiliated or not. Which I think may be exactly what happened with Benali.” “Though why he would want those cuts kept secret mystifies me,” added Remy. Sonar shrugged. “Maybe she can un-mystify you.” Looking forward to the next post! -----signature----- If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories. Proud New Army Mom - off to bootcamp!
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Raptor517 Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 3/7 6:58am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	Stirring up the plot pot, aren't ya? Very interesting... Great post! Raptor517 -----signature----- Piercing the Darkness http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28010631/p1/?1 His Brother's Words http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/26020497/p1/?3 Metamorphosis http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/24997946/p5/?7 Hunter's Vendetta http://
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talkingbanana Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 3/7 7:21pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	Face! If you wouldn't mind finishing this up while I'm on Spring Break, that'd be fantastic, because break just started and this is the first chance I've had to read anything. So you have until about March 16. This is exciting! We get to meet Jav and Remy before they end up partners, we get to see how that happens, we get to see Synth becoming the Imperial bad guy, we get to see the Sonar Man's beginnings, we get to see some fun minor characters from your other fics (yay Barcode!), we even get to see the Death Star somehow perhaps - what more could I ask for? I'm looking forward to it. Because I have like 5 chapters to catch up on, I'll just stick with a couple of highlights for me: I really like this early look at Remy and the crazy banter - that he would say most of his little jokes to himself to calm his nerves before he met Jav makes a lot of sense, and it made that bank robbery sequence all the better. Besides, it wouldn't be GN if the actual action wasn't completely ignored in favor of silly wisecracks. I enjoyed the irony of the Royal saying that he can't run a business with just his wife and his dog respecting him, and then he's pretty much going to lose his wife because he chose his reputation over her loyalty. One of my favorite parts is when Judas kills those two guys, just because it's very, very nicely written. He tumbled onto the hood, leaving deep dents in his fellow machine. Judas braced himself with one durasteel claw on the transparisteel viewport. He calmly locked cybernetic and compound eyes with the horrified masked ones on the other side. A high sonic whine emitted from one of his many enhancements. The viewport shattered into a thousand shards. The vehicle and its occupants continued to move forward at the full 112 kilometers an hour; the shards did not. Its driver and passenger dead, the speeder smashed into a reinforced duracrete wall. The crash would have snapped Judas’s spine – if he’d still had one. The enforcer rolled dizzily off the speeder’s hood. He bent down to look at the two criminals in which the remnants of the viewport had embedded themselves. Scans confirmed they were dead. Judas walked to the back of the speeder, grabbed the satchels of spice they’d stolen, and disappeared back into urban legend just as CorSec arrived. So many nicely done parts: the viewport shattering, the speeder moving forward while the viewport shards didn't, and - best of all, perhaps - you leave it to us to picture that. Classic "show, don't tell" writing. And Judas's disappearance "back into urban legend" just further shows your mastery of words - he's regarded as an urban legend in the traditional use of the phrase, but he's also literally a legend of the city. Or something like that. Anyway, I liked it. Fantastic job, Face! Keep up the excellent work, and if you don't finish by the end of my spring break, I promise I'll read and reply no later than the summer. -----signature----- How? Myn/Lara one-shot, Betrayal, slight AU http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28175766/p1/?0 Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
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Jedi_Eruanne Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 3/8 11:23am Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	Ooooo!! A postie! The beverage vendor retorted with a sharp blat. Remy scoffed. Teehee...I love the racist caf machine. So fantastic. “I’d be glad to kneecap Remy if it would help.” Poor Remy, always being picked on. “How do you take it?” “In large quantities.” “We could form a club.” She glowered back at him. “I know about Bel.” HAH! You go girl! You are sooooo in trouble now, Mister Royal! Quietly, he finished his thought. “I need Us.” Hmmm, so the bloody man has a heart? Or just some unresolved child issues? :P “I’m resigning.” It's SONAR MAN!!!!!! YAY! Hmm, I wonder why he's resigning all of the sudden? -----signature----- <><Jedi Knight For Christ><> Links to Fics in Profile---go check em out! Loyal Reader of Quiet_Mandalorian. MystralGurl's CRAZY Evil Twin (mwuhahahaha) Have you hugged your evil twin today?
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Corellian_Ale Registered: Mar '08	Date Posted: 3/8 2:00pm Subject: RE: Galaxy Noir: Galaxy of Suspects (A CorSec Mystery - 3/6 Ch. 4: Leads)
	I started with this one long ago, but never kept up; so I'll just start at the beginning again. Prologue: Jav saw the shots hit him, but was strangely numb as he collapsed into a pool of his own blood. His nerves were overwhelmed with the incredible amount of pain shooting through them... Reminds me of a movie or show, protagonist was shot, and looked up at the shooter and cried "OW!" Sorry, random thought over. Jav shook his head as he skimmed the dossier on Diabet. “This is our ally? Worst shooting scores in CorSec history without washing out, has a record of erratic behavior, known to take on vigilante tendencies against organized crime…” “Benali trusted him,” Synth said. “I just hope that’s not what got him killed.” Remy's reputation precedes him! “The results came back from the blaster that killed the victim in your current case.” She handed her datapad to Synth. The word MATCH blinked over a picture of a fellow Duro police officer. “Kroma Sheik has gone rogue.” I was shocked, to say the least. After Synth, Kroma Sheik is my best friend in the Duro police department. Right-o. Always the one you least suspect to snap. So Kroma intercepted Moff chat about the Death Star? Very cool. Story potential wise I mean. For a senator I mean. Barcode seems like one cool customer. Wait, so Jax just up an quit to become a PI. Can one do that immediatly? Chapter 1 They also wore masks resembling the faces of famous Imperials. That, warrants a Keanu 'whoa!' Tetran Cowall... Another Face that thinks he just plain sucks. “You’d think we’d gone through enough to earn our paychecks, now we gotta fight some maniacs just to cash them,” Remy muttered. Brilliant one-liner! All those nice people you met? All genuinely nice, all genuinely crooked. Crooked’s the only kind of cop you meet in Bortelles. Greeres said, “Oh, and Yonx? Bortelles is Bortelles. It’s not Duro; it’s not Coruscant; it’s not even Coronet or Phorim City. If you’re going to understand it, you’ll have to remember that.” Double Chapter 2 “Y’know, I tacked a ‘no offense’ onto my statement. And I did take almost a full year of medical school before switching to forensic science. Half-qualified and half-caring has to be as good as fully qualified and crooked, as I see it.” Heh, all _ and vinegar, snappy Diabet wit to boot! Zelvyn Judas, the Bortelles bogeyman, was essentially just that. The insect-like Gand was nearly half-cybernetic now. No matter how many suicide missions he took on, he lived to be rebuilt again. Much to his quiet despair. He lived now only to die worthily. Being nigh unkillable was holding this plan back. Something about a character's depiction that makes you excited before he/she even speaks... The enforcer rolled dizzily off the speeder’s hood. He bent down to look at the two criminals in which the remnants of the viewport had embedded themselves. Scans confirmed they were dead. Why do I get the feeling this is the same figure from the prologue? “The Empire has noticed. I am here to give you a position as an official Imperial Investigator. You could go to Imperial Center tonight to begin your training.” Yttrio watched Synth’s gray eyes closely. “And I’m telling you right now, because of your knowledge of the relevant cases, your first assignment will be finding and capturing Jav Yonx. Can you do that, Lydon?” Synth stared back at the Imperial. He spoke quietly, calmly, with intonation as precise as a droid – and as little emotion. “Absolutely.” Gulp/Zoinks! Chapter 3 If there’s one thing Corellians know, it’s gambling. If there’s three, add on liquor and vehicles. Staring at nothing in particular, he declared, “We find that speeder; we find our killer.” An awkward silence fell over the trio. Sonar shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Remy put his hat back on. “Why do you keep doing that?” Jav turned around. “Doing what?” “It’s…” Remy’s jaw hung agape as he looked for the right words. “It’s nothing, is what it is. Let’s get back to the speeder.” What Remy? No flair for dramatics? “Facts don’t matter much in our world,” the Royal said, finishing his wine. “They’re too black and white. It’s about perception.” “I’m innocent!” “I know.” Yet another great character! Chapter 4 “Okay,” the Corellian began, “the SynMal case. Benali contacted me about it a couple weeks back. As I understand it, you boys on Duro have made a couple busts of illegal goods, but not been able to tie it back to SynMal itself.” “I wasn’t involved with either of those busts,” Jav said. “What kind of goods?” “Oh, other than the conspicuous lack of drugs, it was the usual. Powerful weapons mostly, but a few banned tracts and paintings too. Way I see it, the art was headed to some deviant aristocratic client, and the blasters to more typical criminal buyers. Your swoop gangs, your Black Suns, your Hutts. Benali never found the indisputable evidence that SynMal was involved, but the circumstantial is a-bloody-bundant. “Among the confiscated items? Imitation Corellian bloodstripes. Clearly not a product destined for – or produced in – Duro. So Benali commed through to me, based on some work I’d done as a rookie. It’s not important. Anyway, we started working on establishing definitively the link between the SynMal Trading Company and all its little branches along the trade route, and the increase in smuggling. When Benali was killed, we still didn’t have it.” All signs point to "The Royal"... “Did he say how he got the cuts, or from whom?” Jav inquired. “Policy is I don’t ask, so I can’t tell. For what it’s worth, I didn’t see any gang signatures, but it looked like a message nonetheless.” Kavuertes looked at each of the detectives in turn. “Seems to me your friend was in something, and in it deep.” Hmmmmm.... “Some honor among thieves.” Very ironic phrase, in more ways than one... The door slid shut behind her, leaving the Royal alone with a meal for two. His fist slowly connected with the wall. Quietly, he finished his thought. “I need Us.” So the Royal has a weakness... “I’m resigning.” Keanu is back: Whoa! Fully enraptured and caught up Face. Add me to that expansive PM list would you old chap? -----signature----- "They're dying Artoo, what are gonna' do?" "Only one thing to do man. You still got that bag I gave you?" Proud owner of a shiny '08 MsLanna ...
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