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Author	Topic: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
Quigonjecca Registered: Jul '07	Date Posted: 3/4 8:41am Subject: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	Title: Vader's Ipod Genre: Humor Characters: Vader, Palpatine, minor officers Summary: Darth Vader receives a 160g ipod for his 25th life day. Chaos follows Disclaimer: I don't make any money off this, I don't own these guys... yada yada yada Note: This is the result of a rabid plot bunny! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vader’s Ipod Vader walked down the halls of his star destroyer with a slight bounce in his step. Of course, when you’re clad head to toe in black armor, and wearing a billowing cape, even a slight bounce is quite noticeable. However, the monster of a man didn’t pay any heed to the stares of the stormtroopers, or the slight gape of the fleet admirals. No, nothing would bother him today, nothing at all. Underneath his helmet, he grinned like a schoolboy. Truly, he wasn’t sure why he was so excited—it was only his life day. It came once a year, just like those blasted parades, where he had to wear the sash that said ‘Emperor’s Favorite’ and ride in a speeder, giving a princess wave to the passing populace. Lots of things came once a year, now that he thought about it. But no, today was different. It was his life day. Unlike Obi-Wan, Palpatine encouraged celebration. Vader supposed that was why he liked his life days now more than in his younger years… not to say he wasn’t still young. Today would be his 25th birthday. Palpatine had summoned him. Vader knew what that must mean, and he could hardly contain his excitement. His gracious, master Emperor must have bought him a present… “Ah, lord Vader. I’ve been expecting you.” The gravelly voice came, as Emperor Palpatine descended his throne. His hands were behind his back. Vader shifted excitedly from foot to foot. He was still standing upright—it was his life day, and he wasn’t required to bow. However, he wasn’t thinking about that… he was thinking about what his master might have behind his back. Slowly, the Emperor pulled out a small box, wrapped in thin black wrapping paper, and tied with a blood red ribbon. Palpatine also handed him a card. “For you.” The dark lord tried not to squeal as he opened the card. On the inside, was a picture of a man—Barney Fife—with a confused expression and a thought bubble reading, “Well, I’ll be Andy—He’s turnin’ twenty-five!” and a whistling tune played in the background. “Oh master,” Vader said brightly. “You know I love the Andy Griffith Show!” Palpatine cackled. “Ah yes. And now you must open your gift.” While Vader tore into the box with vigor, Palpatine rolled his eyes. Year after year it was the same. The man could practically imagine his apprentice’s bulging eyes and nauseatingly happy expression under the helmet. Oh well… whatever works… “Wizard!” Darth Vader suddenly exclaimed. “Oh man—this is totally wizard!” Vader turned the device over in his gloved hands. “Wow! Master… you totally got me a 160g ipod!” “Look on the back,” Palpatine said quietly. Vader eagerly turned the tiny, black device over. Inscribed in silver on the back were the words, “You Da Bomb” and a picture of his helmet. “And,” Palpatine said, feeling the joy ripple off his apprentice in black waves. “I’ve instructed the medical droids to wire it to your helmet, so you can listen to it all day long.” “Thanks Master!” “And,” Palpatine added, thinking that, perhaps he had gone a little overboard. “I’ve instructed that dreadfully overpriced music store—Itunes?—to give you free reign of whatever you want to buy. No charge.” Darth Vader stood dumbfounded. “Wow! This is so much better than last year’s gift! I mean…” he stumbled over his words. “Not that a raise in allowance wasn’t really cool, it’s just… 160 gigabytes of pure bliss.” Vader sighed. “Can I…?” “Yes, go.” Palpatine gestured for him to leave. “Go download your music.” The Emperor’s eyes bulged out of his head when Vader jumped in the air and clicked his heels. Thankfully, the redguards didn’t see. Palpatine could see it now: headlines in big bold letters “Lord Vader does victory dance on his birthday.” As his apprentice left the room, he shook his head. “What is this galaxy coming to?” He then pushed a button on his throne console—AKA, the best universal remote one could ask for. “Lieutenant,” “Yes milord?” “I’m ready for the in-wall IMAX screen now. It will give directions for the installation crew when they get here.” “Yes milord. I’ll send them up right now.” Palpatine reclined his throne and set it to vibrate. He sighed contentedly. Life was good. *** Darth Vader promptly filled up about ten gigabytes of his new ipod. It was wizard to say the least. Once the medical droids had installed the device into his helmet, he played the music constantly. He started off with the classic tunes. Slowly but surely, songs like “Blue Moon” and “Duke of Earl” found there way into his head, followed by the entire collection of contemporary hits. Vader found himself trying not to sing. It would not due for a dark lord to sing… would it? He didn’t mean to, he really didn’t. All the same, one day, he could be heard singing “Kung-Fu Fighting” on the bridge of his star destroyer. The crew thought it was awfully funny, but didn’t dare say anything. He played that song for days, singing along with it as he did his inspections. In a deep, rumbling, monotone voice, he would let the words slide of his tongue. And everybody was kung-fu fighting. HI-YA! And he would karate-chop the air in front of him while lunging. Suddenly though, just as the crew was starting to go mad from his incessant singing, he changed songs. Vader strolled in one day, singing hits of the 90’s. I’m blue da-ba-dee-da-da-da-da-ba-dee-da-ba-da… That one got old quite fast. Vader alternated between contemporary hits, and solid gold oldies. One day he was singing Jail House Rock, the next Plain White T’s. His rendition of “Hey There Delilah” left the whole bridge snickering behind his back. The only people who managed to keep a straight face were the stormtroopers. So, Vader liked music—big deal? It was nothing to laugh about, so they stayed stoic, and still… …Until their master came down the halls singing “Umbrella.” When the sun shines we’ll shine together, Told you I’d be here forever, Said I’d always be your friend, Took an oath I’ma stick it out ‘til the end, Now that it’s raining more than ever, Know that we still have each other. You can stand under my umbrella, You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, Eh, eh, eh, under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, eh… He sang, he danced, he did everything. Popular songs were horrible when sung in monotone, regulated, tones. And then there was that matter of gasping for breath at the end of each line… Things went on in that condition for weeks. Lord Vader sang the newest hits, and the crew was sick of them before even hearing them on the holonet. Still, everyone managed to keep their laughter behind Vader’s back… for a while. “Have you heard the new song?” One trooper asked his clone brother. “No, what is it?” The first leaned over and whispered something in his ear. “No… no… that’s impossible!” Right now, he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blond tramp, And she's probably getting frisky. Right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink ‘Cause she can’t shoot whisky. Right now, he’s probably behind with a pool stick showing her, How to shoot a combo. And he don’t know… I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, Carved my name into his leather seats I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, Slashed a hole in all four tires, Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats… Down the hall was the scariest thing either of them had ever set eyes on: their master belting out Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” quite animatedly. They couldn’t stop laughing. * “What’s wrong with this thing?” Vader mumbled, whacking his helmet a couple of times. “Why won’t it stop playing that song?” His ipod wouldn’t stop playing “Gollum’s Song” and frankly, it was depressing him. He really wasn’t sure why he had bought the song to begin with. He supposed that it was because of it’s intriguing title. Gollum… it just sounded nice and Goth to him—and he found he quite liked Goth music. But now… this was just insane. He hadn’t been able to listen to Colbie Callait in hours—and “Bubbly” was his new favorite song! It really just wasn’t feasible. Palpatine knocked at his dome-door. “Lord Vader? Lord Vader, can you hear me?” “What?” He demanded, driving a screw driver into his helmet. “You were supposed to be out hours ago!” Palpatine exclaimed, impatiently. “What’s wrong?” “My ipod won’t work!” Vader whined. “It won’t stop playing ‘Gollum’s Song’ and it’s depressing me!” Palpatine folded his arms and let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, do you think you might be able to go one day with it playing?” “No.” Vader started looking for his wrench. “Why don’t you just turn your ipod off?” “NEVER!” Vader exclaimed, stroking the black mp4 player with his finger. “My precious…” “Don’t make me come in there.” Palpatine threatened. From the safety of his dome, Vader stuck out his tongue. “You can’t. It’ll kill me.” “You’re ipod is my ipod if you don’t hurry up!” Palpatine exclaimed. Vader gulped. “Okay… I’ll hurry up…” * “You wanted to see me, Admiral?” The Admiral shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Yes, milord, it’s about Lord Vader…” The Emperor sighed. “What? Is his ipod stuck again?” The Admiral struggled to keep a straight face. “No milord… but it is about the music situation.” Silence reigned for a few, short moments. “Well?” Palpatine demanded. “Well… um…” The Admiral struggled for the right words. “Ever since your… gift, to Lord Vader, he has become… most aware of the current trends in music. We’ve heard everything from Elvis Presley, to more recently, Carrie Underwood. Not only that, but he has also started watching holonet reality shows like “Galactic Idol” and “Don’t Forget the Lyrics” and… well…” The Admiral trailed off. “And what of it?” “Well, frankly, he’s been the laughing stock of the bridge.” He finally continued. “Even the stormtroopers are laughing behind his back. It’s quite difficult to recruit new officers, when their master figure isn’t tough-sounding enough. I mean really,” he reasoned. “Who takes orders from a man who starts singing Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” in the middle of their job interview?” Palpatine was silent. “And that… well. Look on the bright side, milord. It’s raised morale for sure. I’ve never had a crew that laughed so often… or easily… or fell off their chairs! Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise.” “Admiral,” The emperor said, warily. “I know you didn’t want to visit me to tell me how lord Vader’s karaoke skills have made your crew happy.” Palpatine raised one decrepit eyebrow. “That is true, milord.” The officer managed after a moment. “What I am about to say… ah, I don’t know how to put it. It’s really disturbing, actually…” “Well spit it out already!” Palpatine demanded. “Fine then.” The officer cleared his throat. “As I said before, lord Vader is always up-to-the-minute on the latest trends, and is always buying the latest, hottest music. So my question to you, milord is…” The Admiral stifled a smile. “Have you ever heard of Hannah Montana?” “Who?” Palpatine asked, incredulously. Just at that moment, Vader came sliding through the door, playing the air guitar, singing, his new favorite song… If we were a movie, You’d be the right guy—girl And I’d be the best friend, You’d fall in love with in the end, We’d be laughing, Watching the sunset fade to black, Show the names, Play that happy soooong—, “Lord Vader!” Palpatine demanded, rising from his throne. “Lord Vader, what are you singing?” Vader stopped his dancing. “Oh… sorry master. It’s just—Hannah Montana totally knows how to ROCK!” “No more of that!” Vader’s shoulder’s slumped. “What?” he said in a very small voice, totally out of proportion to his body. “No more of this stuff. It’s the epithet of teenage fangirlism—not befitting for a dark lord of the Sith at all!” Palpatine folded his arms. “No more Hannah Montana—understand?” “What about the Jonas Brothers?” “No!” “Ashley Tisdale?” “No!” “But surely master,” Vader reasoned. “I did audition for the part of Troy in the upcoming theater version of High School Musical. If they give me the part—and I assure you they will—may I act?” Palpatine rolled his eyes and sighed. “Very well.” Vader clapped his hands. “Oh yeah! Wizard!” He began skipping out of the room, singing Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8ter Boi” at the top of his lungs. Palpatine turned back to the Admiral. “You will breathe not a word of this to anyone—understand?” The Admiral blanched and nodded. “As you wish milord.” He bowed and walked away. Palpatine took a moment to collect himself. “Well,” he said into the darkness of his throne room. “It could be worse. At least he’s not singing Shania Twain.” Palpatine rose from his reclining chair and struck a pose. “Man!” he sang, jutting one hip out. “I feel like a woman!” The End? Thanks for reading! -----signature----- Voted Best New Author in the 2008 Saga Awards! "Dark Child" http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27658856/p1/?14
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Rassick Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 3/4 2:59pm Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	Wow...a very creative and interesting take on things! I always wondered if Vader could play music inside his helmet. Nicely done. -----signature----- More Machine Than Man: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=24555048&brd=10476 The Long Way Home: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/26621076/p1/?3 "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
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BaronCoop Registered: Mar '06	Date Posted: 3/4 3:03pm Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	Why is Vader always so good at being made fun of in these kinds of stories? Honestly, that was an intriguing concept, and I like his song selection (minus the Hannah Montana part of course) Ahhhhh, Vader humor. Is there any better kind? -----signature----- Vote Palpatine/Vader '08! Or Else! Sith Happens Have a Nice Day! Or Else!
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Tatooine_Ghost Registered: Jul '06	Date Posted: 3/4 5:26pm Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	lol -----signature----- Where were you when the world stoped turning that one September Day? WJFC means never having to say you're sorry. Senator of the Old Jedi Order Fan Club
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DarthAnakin101 Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 3/4 5:41pm Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	This is the only fanfic that has made me laugh out loud. The sad part is, if I was a stormtrooper, I probably would have just sang with him. Me and Vader: If we were a movie Me: You'd be the right guy Vader: And I'd be the best friend you'd fall in love with.... -----signature----- Proud Member of the Colbert Nation http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=28133965&brd=10477&start=28141781 ^ Lessons Learned, My first attempt at fan fiction, Post LotF AU Humble and crazy padawan of Blue_Lightsaber42
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ShrunkenJedi Registered: Apr '03	Date Posted: 3/5 8:01am Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	So the Dark Lord of the Sith is a twentysomething teenybopper, goth, emo fanboy who will fall to pieces if his iPod was ever fatally damaged... his precious LOL. Dear lord, this fic left me in stitches. Good work! -----signature----- More work to be done, but proud to be an American again! Fanficcer and Fanartist-- check the profile! My New Drabbles and Viggies: http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/28153417/
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padawan_learner86 Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 3/5 11:18am Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	Well, this give me a good laugh on several occasions. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. Things went on in that condition for weeks. Lord Vader sang the newest hits, and the crew was sick of them before even hearing them on the holonet. “Don’t make me come in there.” Palpatine threatened. From the safety of his dome, Vader stuck out his tongue. “You can’t. It’ll kill me.” “Yes, milord, it’s about Lord Vader…” The Emperor sighed. “What? Is his ipod stuck again?” -----signature----- One who accepts only the SW movies as canon. Thus, refuses to read any of the SW books. ^^; Fics in Bio
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Icecruncher_Amidala Registered: Sep '07	Date Posted: 6/17 11:25am Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	This is one of the funniest stories I've ever read! I love stories that make Vader seem so...so...well, insanely hilarious not mean and totally dark. Great Job! -----signature----- 'No one is totally worthless. They can just serve as a bad example.'---Something often said by my dad. A cheerful heart is good medicine Proverbs 17:22
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bobafett15 Registered: Jun '08	Date Posted: 7/1 11:30am Subject: RE: Vader's Ipod~~ Humor~ ~Palpatine, Vader, Others
	LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!1 -----signature----- Verd ori'shya beskar'gam a warrior is more than ones armour my bio page, with full stories list-http://boards.theforce.net/ASP/user.asp?usr=bobafett15
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