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Author	Topic: Revenge of the Dark Side - Or Not? (ROTS Alternate History Timeline) - Black Humour/Horror
NATIONALGREATNESS Registered: Dec '06	Date Posted: 7/14 10:49am Subject: RE: Revenge of the Dark Side - Or Not? (ROTS Alternate History Timeline) - Black Humour/Horror
	Eon-Wan-Mome_NT posted: Wow! There's nothing like 'the Dark Side of Sex' I guess! (Those S&M themes of Chapter 3) And, what crazy dreams Anakin's dark libido can produce (Chapter 4) Good work Thanks! Sorry this has taken SO Long! Finally, you will see Chapter Five! Here it is! Be warned, this Chapter is very horrific in a humourous way. It contains numerous satanic references and evil rituals that might be truly frightening to some people, as well as utter madness. Just a friendly warning. --------------------------- Chapter Five: The Absolute Power of Utter Darkness Coruscant. The Dark Lord of the Sith is preparing to make his new apprentice into a Dark Side user. How much terror this inspired in the heart of General Tarkin is hard to know, because one cannot ever be truly sure........ "The power of the dark side is greater than any other. It flows from the darkest reaches of our souls, twisted by the supreme hate and anger that can only come from our superior power. Nothing shall stand in our path, our fire will consume all in a blaze of nightmarish hate towards our pathetic enemies! Hail Satan! Hail to the dark side!" The dark robed men intoned. Tarkin trembled with terror, as Palpatine bowed his head, and went down on his knees, looking straight ahead at something. His piercing yellow eyes started to turn red like the fires of hell itself! He began to intone: "Terror, Pain, Death, from the Dark Side!" "The power of the dark one will reach out to our SOULS!" intoned the dark robed men. "Rothanas Tomlatos Sathanas!" intoned Sidious. "Hail to the master of Darkness!" intoned the dark robed men. "Intathan, Semaita Optras Graon Vorbalaos. Rothanas Belial, Rothanas Baphomet, Rothanas Asmodeus!" What the hell does all that mean? Tarkin wondered. "Those are the names of fellow fallen angels, my friend," Sidious murmured, very deeply, his voice a deep growl that showed he was truly consumed by his own darkness. Truly he was a master of the dark side. Tarkin almost jumped. Sidious had been reading his mind. "Fellow fallen angels? But my Lord, they don't exist, except in children's stories! People who seriously believe in them are very rare nowadays, surely-" "You doubt their existence, my young friend? You should not - they certainly know you are here." "But.......I thought the Sith believed in nothing but themselves, and that the Dark Side was a means to greater power for the individual, and that it had nothing to do with any dark gods or spirits......" "You are correct," Sidious said. "But not entirely. They do not conventionally exist, but the power of the Dark Side is so strong that those who are truly possessed of it, such as myself, can use it to call upon others who understand it, but who live in the spirit world." "And......they can give you, or in this case us, greater power with the darkness, my lord?" "Exactly! You are learning well, my young friend. Soon, you will be one of us, and you will be able to wield true power!" Sidious said, his evil smile stretching, showing his rotten, jagged teeth. "That is......good, my lord." said Tarkin quietly, trying to hide his fear. "I can feel your fear," murmured Sidious, his voice now a hissing rasp, his breathing coming slowly and loudly, like a monster trying to consume his mind and body - which, figuratively, it was. "How-" "Do not worry, my friend. All will be fine. Do not hide your fear, it is natural. Feed on it, turn it into anger!" "But my lord, I am not angry with you or with-" "No, turn it towards anger at what you truly hate!" Sidious hissed, his face truly twisted and evil. "Focus on the thing or things you hate the most. Tell me about them! Give in to your anger. Express your hatred! Use it. It will help in this ritual." "Uh.........ok," Tarkin said, a little puzzled. "So, should I tell you what I hate?" "Yes, tell me now, while we are continuing the ritual!" "Ok, my lord, well......." Tarkin tried to think of what he hated the most. He briefly shut his eyes and concentrated. As he did so, the dark robed men moved so that six of them were to the left and right of Tarkin and Sidious, in a semi-circle. "Ah, excellent," Sidious cackled, rubbing his hands together in glee. "The final preparation is complete. Now, how many of you are there? Let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-" "Ok." Tarkin kept his eyes closed, but now sat up straighter. "One thing that I really hate is people who whine about taxes. I mean, they think they have hard lives? I'm constantly having to deal with rubbish like that, it just drives me crazy! Why should I have to put up with those whining democratic scum? Damnit, I hate them! I REALLY HATE THEM!" his voice briefly turned deeper and darker as he said the last sentence. "What the hell?" he muttered, to himself. "Good. GOOOOD, my young apprentice!" Sidious intoned, cackling in glee. "7, 8, 9-" "Er, master?" "10 - Yes, my friend?" "Why did my voice suddenly change as I screamed 'I really hate them'?" Sidious laughed, his voice was gravely and dark and twisted by complete and utter darkness. "That was the Dark Side, my boy. As you screamed those words, your hate gave you strength in the darkness, and the darkness amplified your voice, you were so angry. That is where the Dark Side comes from! From our darkest emotions. Now you understand why I asked you to focus on your hate?" "I see.......it made me feel powerful, my lord," Tarkin murmured, his lips twisting into a power hungry, drunken, demented smile. "And you enjoyed that, my young friend! Good, very good! Keep it up!" "Right, well.........I really hate liberal senators! They always try to interfere in my governing practices! They call me immoral, but all I am trying to do is preserve order! Those scumbags want anarchy! Traitors!" "Let's see, where was I? 11, 12-WHAT? No more? Crap! Not enough!" Sidious growled in anger. He glared at his dark robed minions. "There are meant to be 18 of you!" One of them looked confused. "Why, master?" "So that the semi-circle you formed becomes a circle equalling the numbers 666, you morons! Why do you think?" Sidious spat in venom. "Ah yes! The number of the dark one - yes of course. Sorry, master." Sidious shook his head. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I even trained you fools properly." Sidious got up and walked over to a communcations terminal while Tarkin continued talking about things that he hated. He was becoming angrier and angrier by the minute. "Traitorious scum! WORTHLESS ANIMALS!" he screamed. "USELESS, PATHETIC MORONS! THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO BASIC MATHS!" Sidious looked on in pride at Tarkin, smiling evily, and then turned to the terminal. "This is your master speaking. Send in six more of my minions." "Yes, my master." He smiled with terrible cruelty. "The ritual of darkness and terror is about to begin properly! MUAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" As Tarkin continued spouting his hatred and thus becoming more consumed by the Dark Side, Sidious turned to the window, his face twisted with malevolence, and shouted out the window, still half laughing: "MASTER YODA! MY WORTHLESS LITTLE GREEN JEDI, DO YOU EVEN HAVE A CLUE WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! YOU ARE USELESS! YOU COULDN'T EVEN WIELD A LIGHTSABER UNTIL 'MASTER' YADDLE HELPED YOU TO DO SO, AND WE ALL KNOW HOW SHE DID THAT!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!" At this last sentence, the dark robes burst into laughter, directed mockingly towards Yoda, and their dark master Sidious laughed insanely with them. "ULTIMATE SUPREME POWER! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" ------------------------------------ Obi-Wan's apartment. "ARARHARRRHRHRHRhARHHRHRHHHH!" Obi-Wan screamed in horror, and suddenly leapt out of bed and started running around the room screaming hysterically and then laughing and crying at the same time. "What are you doing?" screamed Padme, who was already tired from unknown and because of this was not in the mood for insanity. Haha. "Stop that nonsense and come back to bed!" "NOOOOOO! IT'S ALL OVER! WE'RE TOTALLY SCREWED! SATAN IS GOING TO BURN US ALLLLLLLLLL!" he screamed like a madman. ----------------------------------------- Mace Windu's apartment. Somehow, after falling out of the window, since he was not blasted by lightening in this story(see Chapter One), Mace managed to land on a transport, and hitched a ride back to........his apartment. Not thinking straight, he decided to leave the whole "Sidious Business" until the morning, and to get some sleep first before telling the rest of the council tomorrow. His girlfriend was also sleeping in his bed, something he didn't know at the time, although she had been there earlier. Suddenly he awoke, due to the dark emanations of Sidious's satanic ritual. It inspired terror! "HOLY ****ING CRAP!" Mace Windu shrieked and rushed to the window, letting out an insane howl like a werewolf! "WOAGRARGHRHRGRHRRHHRRHHRH!" "What the hell are you doing?!?! Come back to bed!" said.........his girlfriend. Mace turned around and shouted again. "What the hell are you still doing in my bed? Get the hell out, you're not supposed to be here this late you stupid girl!" "I thought you wanted me to be, baldy." she said and smirked. "SHUT UP! GET OUT! YOU-" As he rushed around like a madman, he accidently smashed his rear end into a pillar. "ORAGHROOOOOOOFAFFOFFFFF! MY ASS! OOOOOOOOOWWW! THAT REALLY HURT!" "Can I help?" she asked. "YEAH, YOU CAN HELP BY JUST GETTING OUT BEFORE THE COUNCIL FINDS OUT, YOU IDIOT! WHILE YODA ISN'T HERE I'M THE LEADER! IF THEY FIND OUT I'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A HANDMAIDEN FROM NABOO, I REALLY WILL GET MY ASS KICKED, AND NOT JUST LITERALLY!" "As you wish, darling," Sabe said, laughing, and left the room. Holy crap indeed! Sabe and Mace Windu! --------------------------------------------- Anakin's apartment. Anakin was still talking to Racha when he felt a terrible darkness take control of him. He tensed, his teeth clenching, and then twisting into a toothy, evil smile. His eyes started to turn yellow. Racha, who was looking at him while he was turned the other way, touched his shoulder. "Anakin? What is going on?" Slowly he turned around to face her. She was shocked to see his twisted, toothy grin and flaming yellow eyes. "I AM CONSUMED BY THE POWER OF THE DARK ONE!" he screamed! "I MUST KILL! KILL KILL KILLLLLLLLL!" he briefly seized Racha by the arms. She screamed in horror and rolled off the bed, rushing to the other side of the room. But he was no longer focusing on her. He leapt out of bed, put on his cloak and lightsaber with incredible speed and rushed out of the room, leaving a stunned Racha behind to contemplate what had just happened. "ANAKIN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she shouted after him. From the end of the corridor she heard an unearthly growl. "ORAGHRHRHRHRHHHRHRHHARHHRHH! I WILL KILL IN THE NAME OF UTTER DARKNESS!" Abject terror! Well, that's Chapter Five. Quite amusing and equally terrifying, eh? Am I good at combining comedy with horror and malevolence? Hopefully this Chapter is long enough that it makes up for the fact that it's been a couple of months since the previous Chapter. More to come soon!
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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 7/16 11:45am Subject: RE: Revenge of the Dark Side - Or Not? (ROTS Alternate History Timeline) - Black Humour/Horror
	LOL! Kind of reminds me of "Rosmary's Baby" for some reason. (Palpitine should get with "Ruth Gordon", hee hee. Both were wrinkled, satanic prunes!) Hmmm..I wonder how Master Yaddle helped Yoda handle a lightsaber. Was it kinky? (LOL) -----signature----- "Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes" My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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NATIONALGREATNESS Registered: Dec '06	Date Posted: 7/17 10:30am Subject: RE: Revenge of the Dark Side - Or Not? (ROTS Alternate History Timeline) - Black Humour/Horror - Date Edited: 7/17 10:42am (3 edits total) Edited By: NATIONALGREATNESS
	Eon-Wan-Mome_NT posted: LOL! Kind of reminds me of "Rosmary's Baby" for some reason. (Palpitine should get with "Ruth Gordon", hee hee. Both were wrinkled, satanic prunes!) Ruth Gordon was from Rosemary's Baby, correct? I'm pleased you found it funny. It was meant to be. I thought the bit I wrote where Obi-Wan, then Mace, and then Anakin all go nuts was funny too, don't you agree? Also, how was this similar to Rosemary's Baby? Surely there wasn't an actual satanic ritual in it? Eon-Wan-Mome_NT posted: Hmmm..I wonder how Master Yaddle helped Yoda handle a lightsaber. Was it kinky? (LOL) Very much so. Chapter Seven coming very soon! Here's a teaser: ----------------------- "No Master! It hurts! IT HURTS! BAHRHHRAHRAHRHRHRARHARHRHHAAEEGRHRHHHHH!" "YESSSSSSSSS! GOOD, FEEL THE PAIN, MY YOUNG APPRENTICE! LET IT FLOW THROUGH YOUR BODY AND FILL YOU WITH HATE! MUAHAHAHHAAHAHA!" --------------- "ANAKIN! You are an utterly perverted, disgusting pig, you know that?!?!" "Haha, just enjoying myself, 'master'. HAHAAHAHHA!" "Yeah, and what do you think your girlfriend would say if she saw you doing it?" "She'd probably hit my ass really hard, until it was sore and red! And that's what I like, buddy! YEAH!" ----------------------- "Right, that evil Sith scumbag Sidious thinks he has us beaten, well he is wrong! His plan didn't work out quite how he wanted! And now he is going to pay for his foul crimes against the republic! I am going to kick that Sith dirtbag's ass in! This time, I won't hesitate!" "Indeed, Windu Master, time this, fail you will not, for do if you, help you cannot I." "Oh for force's sake Yoda, why can't you ever speak properly? Does your species have some naturally speaking disorder?" "Silent you will be, master baldy childish." "I am NOT BALDY! WILL ALL OF YOU JERKS STOP CALLING ME BALDY! I AM NOT BALD!" "Yes you are, Master Windu! Everyone can see that!" "I AM NOT! Oh........wait, yes, I am bald. But don't call me baldy!" ------------------- Sounds like fun, eh? EDIT: I just changed my avatar to something more sith and sinister, as you can see. Does it suit me better?
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Eon-Wan-Mome_NT Registered: May '03	Date Posted: 7/18 11:09am Subject: RE: Revenge of the Dark Side - Or Not? (ROTS Alternate History Timeline) - Black Humour/Horror
	Your trailers sound to be funny! Sounds like Anakin likes his spankings! And it sounds like Windu seriously needs to consider hair transplants if he is to go on thinking of himself as "Not bald" As far as my Rosemary's Baby comments, Your story is really not that similar. That Ritual with Palpitine and his "soon to be" 18 dark minions doing a satanic ritual loosely reminded me or the Rosemary. At the end of Rosemary's Baby, Rosemary gives birth the Satan's child, and all these old 'bats and codgers' are gathered around, raisining their drinks in the air and shouting "Hail Satan!" Rith Gordon is one of them. This is not a funny movie, but I thought it was hilarious to see the Old lady Ruth Gordon saying 'Hail Satan' So yes, Rosemary's Baby had Satanic rituals. The 'conception' scene of Rosemary is one and it's kind of trippy! -----signature----- "Without Reflection, you will never be able to look into your own eyes" My Fanfic below: Simpsons Star Wars, Episode 1, The Fat Man Menace http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/18582548/?64 ]
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HeKilledYounglings Registered: Jul '06	Date Posted: 7/24 5:21pm Subject: RE: Revenge of the Dark Side - Or Not? (ROTS Alternate History Timeline) - Black Humour/Horror
	"Those are the names of fellow fallen angels, my friend," Sidious murmured, " wow. and you picked very strange names for them too. Don't forget to keep posting. Tarkin does not have sith powers does he? -----signature----- The Tower (Darth Vader) romance http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27096388/p1/ ANAKIN AND PADME'S FIRST TIME http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/26935775/p1 Read the whole story of Vader's New Love via Profile
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