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Topic:
The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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SilSolo
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
6/28 8:32pm
Subject:
The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Wars.
Title: The Escape
Summary: Story of a Jedi student during ROTS.
Characters: OC
A/N: It’s written to Queen of the Reich by Queensryche for the Hairband Songfic challenge.. Here’s a link to the song: http://youtube.com/watch?v=YAi6yiQdcAI
In the dead of night
She'll come and take you away
Searing beams of light and thunder
Over blackened plains
She will find her way
As the Force rippled continuously, the youngling trotted onward, completely unaware of her surroundings. Run! Her instincts and fear told her. Something was happening and she had to run!
Flying high through the night
She will hide your fate
As she takes your soul from under
And the blinding light of the castle fades
The tears cascaded down her face, joining the sweat as her taxed body moved faster still. There were sounds behind her, frightening ones that must have come out of the fairy tales that they tell at the nurseries.
There is no escape
It's the ending of your precious life
Run! A chorus of familiar-sounding mental voices urged her, as if there were ghosts in the room. She panted heavily, straining her lungs with each breath as the roll of the Force overpowered the normal defense mechanisms that prevented the lungs from overstretching. Meanwhile, the pair of feet below her carried her body on a steady, hurried rhythm. She threw back a glance to see a row of uniformly dressed troopers marching forward.
Your soul slipped away
It belongs to the Queen of the Reich
The Queen of the Reich
Yeah she's coming for you
She slipped and felt the blackness of the polluted Force tugging at her heels, threatening to drag her down into it.
You're fading away
Your life cast astray
A victim the beast shall obtain
The light will not shine
For you'll die tonight at her shrine
And black is the last thing you'll see
As she felt the black terror, for that’s what she called the white troopers, the black terror of the Coruscanti legends, approaching, she clawed at the ground but no avail. Get up and run!
She scrambled and stumbled again, her body numb with fear and fatigue as she tried to force it to run farther.
Over and over
Dreams of dying fill your head
It's the sign of the cross
That you'll find ahead
HELP! She screamed mentally at the familiar space that her crèche-master used to occupy.
No one will answer
The light is fading away
Captive souls are screaming out in pain
She yelped at the vision that the Force gave her. Ghosts, zombies, haunted howls. Has the Jedi Temple turned into a madhouse? She sprang up into the air, dashing straight without a care as to where she was heading. Anything was better than the vision again.
There is no escape
It's the ending of your precious life
And her feet carried her at the rhythmic, steady pace until she saw nothing but the hungry, clawing darkness. She turned back again and saw the vaguely familiar figure of Skywalker and leaped at him, but her feet never landed on solid ground again.
Your soul slipped away
It belongs to the Queen of the Reich
You're fading away, No, No, No
The Queen of the Reich
You're slipping away, yeah
The Queen of the Reich
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SilSolo
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
6/29 7:36pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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if it's that bad, please tell me
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Trimaj
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
6/29 8:11pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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no, it's not bad. lets get that straight first off.
i like the pacing you had with the song, short tidbits of what's going on followed by another verse. it worked well.
the imagery's good, and i liked this line:
She yelped at the vision that the Force gave her. Ghosts, zombies, haunted howls. Has the Jedi Temple turned into a madhouse?
in particular. it seemed rather poingant, and captured the whole feel of the song. not to mention capturing the fear of the blackness that was sweeping through the temple.
comparing the clones (and skywalker) to the coruscanti blackness was well done.
all in all, it's a pretty good little songfic.
if there one thing i'd change, the ending seems to come a little abrupt. other than that there's little that i would change.
:snoopy
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I'm just a figment of your imagination.
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Aleria
Registered:
Apr '07
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Date Posted:
7/1 2:51pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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This is definitely not bad! The lyrics work pretty well with the story you're giving us. It's like they tell another part of it, from someone else's POV.
The little girl's thoughts are compelling, and I feel she can't really comprehend what's happening. It's just like a nightmare that simply won't end. Also, the way you described her fleeing and the choking fear gripping at her made my heart pound as if I'd been there racing for my life with her.
Nicely done!
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Burden of the Throne - http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28365918/p1/?0 Liaison to the House of Fel of the Corellian FC "You know, sometimes I amaze even myself." - Han
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KELIA
Title: Moderator: Fan Fiction
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
7/2 3:59am
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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her feet never landed on solid ground again.
That was brutal
I can just picture...ah, no I can't. I'll be a mess all day.
Great response to the challenge
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Jedi_Perigrine
Registered:
Apr '08
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Date Posted:
7/2 9:05am
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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I agree, great response to the challenge! Definitely nothing wrong with your story! Well done!
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TIS Rules. Check out: Soon to be continued: Choices-- http://boards.theforce.net/before_the_saga/b10475/28767048/p1 A Jedi must make a difficult choice when he runs into an old crush Odd Happenings: http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=29123443&
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earlybird-obi-wan
Registered:
Aug '06
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Date Posted:
7/2 10:10am
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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Great story and liked it. A fitting response to the challenge.
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writer and Star Wars fan
FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link]
stories in my bio
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SilSolo
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
7/3 8:02pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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Trimaj: Thanks. As for comparing the clones and Skywalker to the blackness, I think that just came with the song and came from listening to that several times over.
Aleria: I think that for her, it really was a nightmare that never ended, at least not until death. And no, I couldn't let the poor kid comprehend what truly was going on.
Perigrine: thanks
earlybird: thanks
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Svebor
Registered:
Nov '05
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Date Posted:
7/4 5:07am
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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Very nice!  You captured the angst of the Clone wars and the dark times in your fic perfectly.
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SilSolo
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
7/6 8:39pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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thanks, Svebor
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Ulic_Starwalker
Registered:
Jul '06
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Date Posted:
7/8 4:26pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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 Wow. Amazing fic. It has some brutal moments, but as Svebor wrote already, it fits the era perfectly.
Very good work.
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SilSolo
Registered:
Mar '04
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Date Posted:
7/13 5:19pm
Subject:
RE: The Escape (ROTS Order 66)
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I suppose this was a bit brutal
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