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Topic:
First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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Valairy_Scot
Title: PT Rewrite Winner
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
7/15 9:36pm
Subject:
First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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Title: Forever Seventeen
Author: Valairy_Scot
Timeframe: post-Order 66
Characters: OC, dead Jedi
Genre: sorrow
Keywords: challenge, OCs, Order 66
Notes: The sentence in bold is the first sentence to be used in the challenge. This is quite short.
There wasn’t a bacta tank in the galaxy that could heal her mind from the terror that haunted her dreams.
She was a mother again, a good mother to her daughter. She had put the past behind her, except for each and every night - and one day each year.
Ten years now...her hands trembled as she picked up her diary and replayed that scene awake, as she replayed it in dreams each night of the last ten years.
Remembering her son....
He was just seventeen. Seventeen.
I can’t sleep, for I see him in my dreams – that innocent face, staring – staring – staring at me.
His arms reaching out as if to say, “Mother, did you know, let me come home?”
Oh, my beloved son. Dying in terror – dying in pain – slaughtered, if you must know.
Not the stuff of imagination, no, for the Holonet made sure we realized the so-called Jedi traitors were dead. Bodies strewn like trees after a severe windstorm, in small clusters or alone. Twi’lek upon human and female upon male. Young and the old, both. Face down and face up.
So much silence…so much smoke…so much death.
The traitors to democracy, oh, how they were humbled by our glorious Empire. Their crimes laid bare to the galaxy just as their ravaged bodies were stripped bare as if proclaiming they who thought they were as gods are no more than flesh and blood. The bodies of the Jedi Council hacked and burned almost beyond recognition carefully displayed on the Temple steps…these immortal heroes shown to be mere dead traitors, no longer repositories of the Force.
The holocam lingered over their faces, their blood and their flesh glowing in the morning sun, occasionally shrouded by wisps of smoke as mist rising in the dawn, of spirits ascending to the heavens. Our once guardians of justice now mere spirits aglow in the Force to those of us who still believe.
They made just one mistake – they superimposed shots of healers clutching weapons and the Jedi clutching babies as if to shield their living bodies with the bodies of the broken and the babies, superimposed them over the bodies of the fallen Council as if to prove the depths of depravity which the Council demanded of its Order, but they forgot one thing – the babies.
Tiny bodies blasted and safe forever in the arms of their caretakers. Toddlers, babies and infants…all traitors, so we are told.
All of them.
Even my son.
His body ripped to shreds but his face – I recognized it still, though I gave him up to the Jedi.
I gave him up to a better life – a life devoted to service – to using his gift to protect others. He was slaughtered for possessing that gift.
A traitor.
At seventeen.
Just seventeen months old – and at the Temple for only seventeen days.
Once a year, and each and every night, tears continue to fall - and the terror that haunted her dreams will continue to haunt her for the rest of her life.
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. I'm a writer, not a storyteller.
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VaderLVR64
Title: Fan Fic Manager Digging out from Fay
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
7/16 3:45am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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Rip my heart to shreds why don't you??  Another lovely and moving piece. 
-----signature-----
If you have to choose between tears and laughter, remember that laughter burns more calories.
They call me NANA Vader.
At least she doesn't lack confidence...
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earlybird-obi-wan
Registered:
Aug '06
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Date Posted:
7/16 8:51am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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heartwrenching showing what the empire did. Just so sad. Full of emotions but a great write. 
-----signature-----
writer and Star Wars fan
FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link]
stories in my bio
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dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
7/16 9:19am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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I liked how you had me going, thinking he was 17 years old. But instead just a baby and incapable of defending himself or even being a so called traitor.
No wonder the mother remembers and cries with each year's passing.
Great job.
-----signature-----
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Takianna
Registered:
Apr '05
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Date Posted:
7/16 11:03am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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Very touching. To think one of their own took those children's lives. Great piece.
-----signature-----
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again…I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you—I can't breathe."
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divapilot
Registered:
Nov '05
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Date Posted:
7/17 12:40am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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How tragic!
The idea that a parent gives her precious baby to be raised by someone she trusted, then to have that life extinguished.
Well done. Very touching.
-----signature-----
Never tell me the odds. AKL
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KELIA
Title: Host: 20 Ques
Bet Your Knowledge
PT Rewrite
Registered:
Jul '05
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Date Posted:
7/17 5:02am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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Just seventeen months old – and at the Temple for only seventeen days.
That was brutal
Brilliant response to the challenge
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Valairy_Scot
Title: PT Rewrite Winner
Registered:
Sep '05
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Date Posted:
7/21 9:17pm
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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VaderLVR64: Hey, I specialize in ripping hearts to shreds. It's me! 
earlybird-obi-wan: I don't buy that argument that baby Jedi grow up to be traitorous Jedi - babies can grow up to be anything. Killing babies is just plain wrong. Killing any innocents, or civilians, is wrong. If you must kill, kill the soldiers.
dianethx: That was a deliberate set-up, age 17. Very deliberate.
Takianna: A tragedy on so many levels.
divapilot: How tragic! The idea that a parent gives her precious baby to be raised by someone she trusted, then to have that life extinguished.
Perhaps the hardest realization of any for any parent, I would suppose.
Kelia - war is brutal, so was this piece meant to be.
-----signature-----
http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/25405090/p3/?52 Prolific Author thread: list & links there. Muse fueled by coffee. Often AWOL despite frequent sipping. Writes on inspiration, not a schedule. I'm a writer, not a storyteller.
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Svebor
Registered:
Nov '05
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Date Posted:
7/22 5:35am
Subject:
RE: First Sentence Challenge: Forever Seventeen. post-Order 66.
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 That was so sad. So sad and so beautiful written. Great fic!
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