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Author	Topic: How Luke really killed the Rancor - post for the Humor challenge
Darth_Leia_6669 Registered: Apr '03	Date Posted: 7/16 12:56pm Subject: How Luke really killed the Rancor - post for the Humor challenge
	OK, so this is the first true stab I've made at writing humor, so bear with me. Quote: “I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done.” (“Bruce Almighty”) How Luke really killed the rancor. A lone figure in a black cape is walking under the twin suns of the planet Tatooine towards what looks like a huge pile of sand. “What a dump!” he thinks to himself as he wipes the sweat from his brow for what seemed like the hundredth time. “What made me think that wearing all black on a desert planet was a good idea anyway?” he mutters. After a few more minutes he finally reaches what passes for a doorway. “Shade,” he says, forgetting in his relief that the shade on the planet gave very little relief. “Well, hopefully it’ll be cooler inside.” He enters the tunnel leading to the grand chamber, bypassing the guards with a sweep of his hand. “Uck. They could use some lessons in hygiene.” Within seconds of passing the guards, he is approached by a tall guy with tails growing out of his head. “A Twilek,” he reminds himself, bringing the lessons from “Aliens 101” to mind. “I must see Jabba,” he says aloud, bringing the Force to bear on the weakling’s mind. He realized that it worked as the guy repeated word for word what he was telling him as he lead the way to where Jabba was resting on his supersized dais. “Good,” he thought. “I can grab the others and get out of here.” When did anything ever go according to plan? He stood in front of the giant slug, waiting for the freaky head guy (“Twilek,” he firmly reminded himself) to wake Jabba and introduce him. Leia was in chains and a skimpy outfit that left very little to the imagination. She looked up at him as if to ask, “What took you so long?” Actually, he could swear that he actually heard her, although she obviously hadn’t spoken. Weird. “Luke Skywalker, Jedi knight,” followed by more of the weird language he spoke. Jabba didn’t look happy to be woke up, especially with this news. No matter. Luke stood tall and determined and waited for Jabba to speak to him. Well, the slug was smarter than he looked, because he realized Luke’s little trick and knocked the Twilek (“Hey, I got it right”, he thought) off the platform. He stepped forward. “You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookie to me,” he declared, putting all his power behind his words. “Your mind powers will not work on me, boy,” was the haughty retort in that nasty language they all seemed to use. “Huttese,” he suddenly remembered. It was a good thing that he had that little translator device stuck in his ear, or else he’d be totally lost here! Even though he didn’t turn, he could feel the hired goons closing in behind and around him. The place smelled horrible, almost worse than the trash compactor they got stuck in on the Death Star a few years ago. Oh, the good times they’d had together! It was time to get out of here. He had a sudden idea, brilliant in its simplicity. “I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done!” he raised his arms, palms out towards Jabba as though to blast the slug with the Force of his words. If he’d thought the room was quiet before, it was nothing compared to the silence that followed his outburst. Just as quickly as it fell, though, it was broken by the oddest sound he’d ever heard. Looking up, he realized it was Jabba, laughing at him! Then the entire room burst out in loud snorts of laughter, disturbing enough in itself, but made even more so by the variety of sounds the different aliens made. He looked at Leia to find her rolling her eyes while hiding a smile behind her hand. Shrugging, he said, “Well, it worked in a holovid I once saw.” So hard was Jabba laughing that he didn’t realize it when his fat fist-thingy hit the button for the trap-door that Luke was unfortunately standing directly over. “Arrgh,” Luke yelled as he fell into a room that was even more disgusting than the one he’d just left. One of the piggy guards had fallen with him, and was frantically trying to scramble back up the nearly vertical tunnel through which they had just fallen. It only took Luke a moment to see why. A gate was opening to release a creature so ugly it made Jabba pleasant to look at. Wondering what it was, he was almost relieved to hear C-3PO cry out, “Oh, no! It’s the Rancor!” Well, he would have been relieved if it would have given him some idea on how to beat the damned thing. Cowering in a corner, he watched as the massive beast picked up the piggy guard (“Gotta find out what they’re called,” he thought) and ate him in two crunchy bites. He tried throwing a stone at it, but only succeeded in ticking it off. Running through the gate, hoping for an escape route, he was only mildly surprised not to find one. And the thing was coming for him. He thought fast, then decided to try it again. As the slimy beast lumbered through the doorway, he again yelled, “I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done!” As the jeering laughter started again from above him, he concentrated with everything he had. In slow motion the gate started to fall, suddenly dropping as whatever held it up gave way, crashing into the rancor and crushing it’s crunchy skull. He started to sink back in relief before it dawned on him. “Ha,” he yelled at the angry slug above him. “I knew it would work!” --------------- --later-- 6669 -----signature----- SOTH: When Worlds Collide http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=28532068&brd=10476 Chapter 17 up 10-8!! Master to Lisbev! Vader for Prez in '08! Check my profile for more stories and art!
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AnakinsFavorite Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 7/16 1:06pm Subject: RE: How Luke really killed the Rancor - post for the Humor challenge
	snrk Oh my... I am so glad that I wasn't drinking anything while reading that, because I just totally snorted at the end That was good! An excellent response to that challenge! -----signature----- Supreme Mugwump of ACWDBTTCAOT "Gotta pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues, And you know it don't come easy. You don't have to shout or leap about You can even play them easy."
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earlybird-obi-wan Registered: Aug '06	Date Posted: 7/16 9:00pm Subject: RE: How Luke really killed the Rancor - post for the Humor challenge
	Loved that response to the challenge -----signature----- writer and Star Wars fan FANART [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_art/b10020/25793899]fanart[/link] stories in my bio
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Gina Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 7/17 5:46am Subject: RE: How Luke really killed the Rancor - post for the Humor challenge
	When did anything ever go according to plan? And that's what makes everything so much fun! Hilarious viggie! -----signature----- A long time ago in a house far away, there was a mother who was strong in the ways of the Force. She "forced" her sons to clean their room, she "forced" her sons to behave. - Part of a story written by my 9 yr. old sons I found while cleaning their desks
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Darth_Leia_6669 Registered: Apr '03	Date Posted: 7/21 12:51pm Subject: RE: How Luke really killed the Rancor - post for the Humor challenge
	I just wanted to say thanks to those who read this. I'm glad I was able to make someone laugh. Makes me think I may try humor again! Thanks again for reading! --later-- 6669 -----signature----- SOTH: When Worlds Collide http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=28532068&brd=10476 Chapter 17 up 10-8!! Master to Lisbev! Vader for Prez in '08! Check my profile for more stories and art!
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