Silent Screams~~JA fic (Obi-torture) One Postie...

This is a short story, just one post! italics are thoughts.


*cough* this is um... weird. you'll understand more with the second story. *shrugs* just go with it! ~_^

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[b]Summary: [/b]Obi-Wan is lost and alone in a cold world. This is the beginning of a series. [b]WARNING: [/b]this is what happens with Goo Goo Dolls & Mr. Green at 1 AM. So, it?s a little crazy.
[hr]

[u]Silent Screams[/u]

He was in pain. And this time, it [i]wasn?t [/i]his fault.

?Is this one still alive?? a rough hand cupped his chin and viciously forced his head up. Harsh rays of sunlight assaulted his eyes and he barely registered the form of a guard before him.

?Yeah,? the guard drawled, dropping his head. Obi-Wan?s chin hit the hard stone with devastating force. Had his jaw not all ready been broken, he was sure that would?ve done the job. [i]Little shards of bone dance along the high vines?[/i]

[i]No! [/i]He [i]had [/i]to keep his focus. The boy couldn?t afford to loose his concentration now. Not that it really mattered. There was nothing he could do. He was almost completely frozen, the cold numbed up his muscles.

A giggle escaped his lips. How in Sith hell was he going to get out of this? [i]The flowers are pretty. Reds, blues, yellows all make pretty colors. [/i]He giggled again.

?Keep checking the rest of ?em,? the distant guard called. The guard moved again and blocked the callous sunlight from Obi-Wan?s eyes. [i]Happy flowers dancing in the sunlight.[/i]

Another giggle. The drugs seemed to be working. He was going insane. [i]I?m a happy little Jedi, where are my friends?[/i]

?Hang on, check that one again.?

The hand returned [[i]running away from the evil Sith makes me happy[/i]] and yanked at Obi-Wan?s stiff neck. Another giggle.

?This one?s lost it,? the guard shook his head and dropped him again [[i]time flies rather fast when you?re freezing to death[/i]]. ?What should we do with him??

?Load him on the cart!?

A pair of hands pushed themselves underneath the Padawan?s stomach & pulled him up. More giggles. [i]That tickles. [/i]He was dimly aware of being thrown onto a lumpy pile [[i]not very comfortable[/i]]. He was being moved?[i]somewhere[/i].

A cart lumbered on and he was taken out of the nice shade to a bright, bright courtyard. [i]Ouch. Someone needs to turn down the lights. [/i]They hit a bump and the cart bounced.

Obi-Wan was barely aware of the guard?s conversation as they rounded the hill. [i]You lied, Eva. You promised, Eva-Siti Rylanae. But you lied. [/i]Two gigantic smoke-stacks came into view as they reached the summit of the hill. Smoke drifted lazily from them, going to join the clouds in the sky. [i]Black & white makes gray! Master Windu is black.[/i]

There was a soft wailing coming from the building under the chimneys. The two guards sighed and kept moving. [i]You said you?d take me home, Eva. But you lied. What will Qui-Gon say?[/i]

?Come on, now,? someone waved from the entrance to the building. ?We don?t have all day!?

?All right!? the cart increased speed and bumpiness. Obi-Wan cast his eyes about him, no longer giggling. It was too late to giggle.

The entered the chimney-building far too soon. The lumps around Obi-Wan, which he soon discovered were dead bodies of his fellow prisoners, were picked up and thrown into circular openings in a long row. Finally, it was only Obi-Wan left.

?This one?s still alive,? the guards shifted.

?Throw him in.? [i]You lied.[/i]

?But the bosses might still want him.? [i]Eva, you said I?d come home fine.[/i]

?Just do as you?re told!? [i]You betrayed me. Me & my Master.[/i]

Obi-Wan tried desperately to make his lips work, to beg for his life. All he could get out was one word.

?Wa?water,? he whispered through cracked lips. ?P?please water.?

?Should I give him water?? the guard looked uncertainly down at Obi-Wan.

?No!? Rough hands picked him up again. He must have been very light by now. He hadn?t eaten in weeks. ?Just put him in.?

[i]I w

 

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-_- >_< >_>

 

Looks very promising---and is very well written. Good job.

 

[face_neutral] Umm- OK. Who's been messing with poor Obi's mind? Good job just the same though.

 

For perhaps the first time in my life, I don't know what to say. The writing is powerful, chilling, gripping - and absolutely horrifying.

Keeping it PG, as required on these boards, I can't really say what I'm thinking - but Holy S--t!

You've created a vivid, stark, holocaustic piece of fiction - that will give me nightmares if I let it, and I don't even know if I should tell you to write more, because I honestly don't know if I could read it - but that's completely hypocritical, for - no matter how bloody and terrifying it is - it's also brilliant.

EDIT: OK - I just took a peek at your profile, and I absolutely refuse to believe you're only 13 years old. That's downright obscene. I've always believed that the ultimate compliment - from one author to another - is to say, "I wish I'd written that." But I don't think I can say it, in this case, because I don't know if I'd want to have a mind that could produce this fic, no matter how exquisitely crafted it is.

Well done anyway - and whatever you choose to write in the future, I think I'll read, for it will be compelling. If you are, indeed, only 13, what an unbelievable future you have.

CYN

 

Hate to be repititious of Cyn, but chilling is absolutely the best description of how I felt reading that....once my jaw managed to get off the floor. I'll be keeping an eye out. That was absolutely spine-chilling.

KOW

 

*UP*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That was very horrifying . . . but very well written. Great job!

 

OH, my dear, you don't need me. You're wonderful on your own. Such a natural talent. I will probably learn more from you.

 

Excellent beginning. I'm very interesting to see the second story.


Obi

 

gah

obi nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo

more soon please

 

freak-pudding: FORCE, you loser! get out of here! ~_^

LuvEwan: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

obi-wannabe_1138: lol! I know what you mean. ~_^ Just wait for the next fic! Thanks.

CYNICAL21: You have no idea just how happy your post made me. After I read that, I was absolutely glowing for the rest of the day. Being as young as I am, it is very, very hard to get noticed in any aspect of the writing world. For a while I had considered posing as an older person (a simple task since I've been told I look & write like a 16-year-old), but I realized that I wanted people to respect my writing & me for just being me, completely and totally. This piece was written after watching a video of several Jewish survivors of the Holocaust. One man described having to throw a living person into the oven to save himself. This was how I could deal with it. We recently ended our World War II unit in US History with the showing of Schindler's List, one of the most horrifying things I have ever witnessed. The follow-up story to this, called Hybrid Theory, was the only way I could make any sense out of what I saw. I cried for the longest time that night in disbelief, and I hope that my story might move you in a fraction of the way that it moved me to write it. Thank you so much for your well-thought out reply. It meant a lot to me.

Knight Obi Wan: lol! Thanks.

freak-pudding: stop replying, freak!

Cascadia: Thanks!

Arldetta: Of course I need you! This was just one of my very best!

Obi the Kid: Awesome! Thanks a ton!

OBI_JEDI: It's coming very soon!

 

Freak-pudding - well, I would say you accomplished exactly what you meant to, for it was images of the holocaust that your story planted in my mind. And I agree with you that any study of the Holocaust - and any film like Schindler's List forces us to deal with issues we probably prefer not to face - but if we don't learn to face them, history suggests that we are doomed to repeat them.

So bravo, Kiddo! You've just impressed the hell out of me, even while you've made me cry for the image of my precious Obi, locked into hopelessness, dying alone, but that's exactly what happened to so many, isn't it? BTW, I'm a long, long way from being a child, so I don't impress easily! You really seem to have a prodigious gift; use it well! Use it to teach - and inspire!

CYN

 

Wow...that was just like...wow!! brrrrr. Its spine chilling!! Oh, man poor Obi!!! And who the heck is Eva? Wow, that was dark.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Obi!! ahem. Great job, and I hope to be seeing more of your fics soon

 

Another UP for my lovely Padawan!!




::waves hand::

You will read her fantastic stories!

Or you will answer to me!



I have been known to become Lady MysAri, so I warn you all.

 

why thank you, Master! ^_^

 

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That was truely chilling. I kept thinking 'No they aren't going to, they aren't going to...'

 

Oooooh! Now this is a very interesting and chilling post! One of the best things I've read in a long while.

 

Wow that was excellent and chilling. I agree with what everyone else is posting. I cant wait to see what happens next, more soon.

 

::Waves hand::

You will rise to the top!

thread: "I will rise to the top."


*smiles gratifyingly*


UP!

 

CYNICAL21: you remain, as always, my favorite responder (save my Master, of course)!

Padawan_Jess_Kenobi: thank you! it's nice to hear from a fellow JAFDer every once in a while! ~_^ lol, yeah, there's a sequel.

Arldetta: intimidation always works for me, too!

freak-pudding: -_-

OBI_JEDI: hey someone else but me & my Master are up-ing my stories! wow, thanx!

jodiwent: wow, thanks!

Jemmiah: wow, thanks a lot!

cristalvandepol: well, if you want more, watch for the sequel. it's called Hybrid Theory

Arldetta: "It will rise to the top." ^_^

 

UP!

 

i'm stupid, but...

 

I refuse to hear such things come from my Padawan!!


You are not stupid!

Now take it back!