Whence the Pendulum Swung (Qui/Obi) angsty [COMPLETED 01-17-03 + Link]

I know I said I would write a different Obi/Qui story, but this plot bunny just bit and refused to let go, so I figured that I would write this one first - especially since I'm conjuring it to be short. I probably won't be able to post everday, but never fear! The posts will be long.

Anyway, this story is a first-person from Qui-Gon's POV, and follows him around like a talkitive shadow through an AU.

Enough said, I think.

~*~*~*~

Whence the Pendulum Swung
by Aunecah_Skywalker

.*.*.*.*.*.

There are many memories of my life that I regret, many decisions now I wish I could turn around and change.

When Mace Windu came to me with a mission, I couldn't have known that it would change my life forever ? to be what it was meant to be, a destiny that I had deliberately turned away from while wallowing in my own pit of self-misery.

I was walking down the corridor in search of some suitable subject to occupy myself with ? saber-practice, silent observation as young Initiates trained, becoming more knowledgeable in the current happenings of the galaxy. But nothing held my mind for very long.

This bothered me because I've never had this problem before. I had first read a version of the maxim "live in the here and the now," when I had been thirteen and still a Padawan, and I had followed it with all my heart ever since. Concentration was almost a second-nature to me by now. I hadn't looked into my past for more than a couple of moments unless it was for introspection or recollection.

Until Xanatos, my one and only Padawan, who had turned to the Darkside. As Master Yoda and Master Windu kept telling me, Xanatos Crion had made his own choices and what he became was not my fault. I could lead him to his destiny, but I could not make him reach it. Or maybe turning Dark was his destiny, as unsettling and useless the justification was.

When children turned astray, didn't that say something about their parents?

When a Padawan turned to the Dark, didn't that say something about their Master?

That was why I hadn't taken an apprentice since Xanatos, despite all the suggestions. Many Initiates might have hoped to become my apprentices, but it was better to go to the AgriCorps and work as a farmer than become the student of an unwilling teacher.

As farmers they at least wouldn't run the risk of turning to the Darkside.

Of course, justifications were as ineffective when dealing with real life as logic was with emotions.

Those twinkling blue eyes haunted me, the hopeful face that had looked so mature for one so young: mature but reckless, wise but brash. The boy had been thirteen, and he had had one last chance to become what he wanted to become. He must have salvaged what remaining dregs of hope he had left to try to impress me by fighting a fellow Initiate whose name I could no longer remember.

He had won the battle against the Initiate but he had lost the war, and had gone to AgriCorps instead of my quarters, to become a farmer instead of a Jedi. The look on his face when he had gone was not that of anger, but that of regret and terrible sadness.

And that was epicenter of all my nightmares during the past five years.

Obi-Wan.

The boy's name was Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He might have become the greatest ally of the Jedi, or the worst enemy, but he would have harbored a self-confidence and- esteem that I had robbed off him by refusing to take him as my apprentice. No doubt, he was on some wayward planet, disgusted with himself, angry with his life, wishing for a chance that would never come upon him ? a chance to become a Jedi, and something more, a chance to explore his talents and skills, a chance to live a life he wanted.

Maybe that was why I was having problems concentrating on anything. Maybe the ghosts of my past ? of my failure to accept what was as what should be ? were still lingering in the forefront of my mind. No, that wasn't a 'maybe' ? a probability, a guess, a supposition ? an

 

Great start, Aunecah! I get the feeling that Qui-Gon is going to run up on Obi-Wan on this mission.

 

Thanks Cascadia . I wonder why you get that foreboding.

Aun

 

wow, loved it! you do very, very well with characterization! it's really good!

 

freak-pudding : Why, thank you.

Aun

 

Ya this looks cool, keep it up

 

Right, what did I say? I wouldn't be updating every day. Ugh! This story is just beating me over the head and demanding to be written. So here is the next part:

~*~*~*~


Twilight was washing across the world when I guided my ship onto the transparisteel docking bay. There was only one person waiting for me, and he was a human male wearing the pale blue coat with dark-blue outline that spoke of either a scientist or a healer. He didn't look very happy to be here, but people seldom were when they belonged to a party under suspicion and have to meet the Jedi.

My escort didn't see it fit for any greetings. He didn't tell me his name, though I told him mine. We set off as soon as my ship's hatch closed to, I ? (hoped) ? assumed, the PhotoMem complex. All the way down to the complex (which was a considerably long one), my escort maintained silence and I, respecting his wishes, kept my mouth shut as well. If he didn't want to talk to him, I wasn't about to say a word to him either.

Besides, there was something else about the world that was bothering me. It wasn't about Kusun, itself, but rather had to do with something that resided here. As soon as I had stepped off the ramp and onto the docking bay, I had felt the disturbance in the Force, but unlike many disturbances that I felt, this one wasn't dark. Feral, but not dark. It was almost like the one I felt around an untrained Force-sensitive person, though nowhere near this intensity.

That there could be someone here who possessed so much potential was unsettling at the best. With an almost eerie certainty, I knew that this person's place wasn't here, on this wayward world in the Outer Rim Territories, but rather in the Jedi Temple, among his own kind, as an apprentice (or an Initiate, depending on his age, of course). I hoped whoever it was young enough to secure an admittance into the Order. It was always sad to see someone live the life ? (that was only marginally better than that of a slave) ? of a farmer or an electrician when he or she could have become a great Jedi.

By the time my escort and I arrived at the PhotoMem buildings, the sun had nearly completed its descent down the horizon. The skies were stained a deep blood red, and for some reason they nearly made me shudder. I didn't know why, because deep sunsets were nothing new. In fact, Coruscant was the home of some of the best sunsets ever, and I rarely ever missed watching them. Still, the skies almost seemed to symbolize something ? some company's fate, the Force's tone, a storm somewhere ? (in someone) ? on a planet, nothing and everything.

"That is the main office," my escort proclaimed, finally breaking his silence.

His voice startled me out of my introspection, and I quickly turned to look at what he was pointing. The buildings were snow-white, a startling contrast against the scarlet skies that they stood against. Of all the spires on this world, with the exception of the main governmental building, these were the highest and grandest. They reminded me of the buildings on Alderaan, and made me wonder if the two buildings had common ancestors.

But it wasn't the sight of the buildings that held my attention. It was the small, short but long edifice that stood at the end of a long stretch of grass to the right of the main complex. I had heard that the PhotoMem owners had transplanted their offices into the bigger, grander buildings once their treasury started filling up and their clients changed from unknown, meager smugglers to official business tycoons. The smaller building must be their original office. Of course, that in itself held little value.

No, what interested me was how the Force was swirling around the small building ? with such a grandeur and splendor, it nearly took my breath away. Tendrils like crystalline glass-snakes entwined inside the building, and I nearly took a step toward it before I realized where I was going. Such a strong pull, such a deliberate inclination to go there, to enter the building, and seek out what was causing the Force to be present so s

 

It's Obi-Wan! It's Obi-Wan! Come on, Qui, go get him!

 

Well I certainly hope that Qui sees reason and takes that boy as his Padawan when this mission is over!!

All in all great post, can't wait for more

 

Obi-Wan!!!!

 

A post, anybody? Don't have time for individual responses, but thanks for all the replies. Remember, I live for feedback. This story is going incredibly fast for me. I wonder why

~*~*~*~
Our trip over to the asylum was interesting at the best. I found more than - (what I wanted to find) - that I bargained for, but that didn't disappoint or infuriated me. Unlike usually, that I found more than what I set out to find was a blessing - almost. The night grew cold as we walked over to the asylum. As I was looking at it from my vantage in the corridor, it hadn't seemed so far away, but it took us nearly an hour to get there.

By the time we reached the asylum, my legs were aching with both tiredness and something else that I couldn't quite understand, and I wondered why we had walked here instead of taken a hovercart. My guide might have been under some kind of orders to make me as miserable as possible, but he wasn't even out of breath when we reached there, which made me believe he was used to long walks. It wasn't that I wasn't used to long walks. Being a Jedi was no small feat, and I didn't remain trim and fit even at the ripe old age of sixty-three by renting a repulsor-lift chair.

Unfortunately, staynig a slugabed for three months had consequences of its own, and not having a mission for months made my legs forget what it was like to walk. The problem was that with my curiousity getting the better of me, I uncharacteristically couldn't seem to concentrate on anything other than the asylum, which meant I couldn't even use the Force to keep the weariness out of my limbs. However, I was too proud to show my weariness and ask my guide to stop for a moment or at least slow down. One would think that we were practicing for the Nar Shaddaa Annual Sprinting competition.

If I had thought the asylum was a piece of artwork from the outside, it was nothing compared to the insides. Certianly, the main complex buildings were larger, but they paled in comparison to the milky-white splendor of the asylum. If I had a choice, I would become "sick and old" just to be able to live here the rest of my life. The Jedi Temple was spacious, but it didn't have much in the ways of luxuries. Even my bed was rock-hard, driving nails into my back; it was a wonder I didn't have to use a walking stick to support a humpback.

"Beautiful," I whispered sincerely.

"Isn't it?" For a moment, my guide let go off his anxiety and simply gazed at the dim-lit glory of the reception room, a wide hall that could easily have fit my entire quarters in it. In the middle, there was a large, gray-white semi-circular desk where a couple of droids were sitting, busy communicating with, supposedly, the asylum's main computers. The floor glittered like a crystal, glinting off the moon- and- starlight and the less impressive artificial lightning from the glowpanels hidden inside the crystalline walls. A thrill of surprise and appreciation overwhelmed me for a moment when I considered how must it must cost the PhotoMem owners to turn this beautiful building into a welfare home. As far as I knew, Kusundian government - a constitutional monarchy - had recently passed laws from people actually owning any property. It was a stupid rule, likely to lead to a revolt sometime in the near future, but for now nobody dared disagree with the dictatorial monarchs. The PhotoMem must be spending a substantial amount of its profits just to pay the property taxes and the renting fees of the building, both of which had to have increased due to its beauty.

Maybe the PhotoMem guys weren't as bad as I had thought them to be.

"Yes, quite beautiful," I agreed.

"Is there any place you wanted to see in particular, Master Jinn?" my guide asked, going all business again. The first hints of - (fear) - anxiety were starting to return into the lines on his careworn face. And my own reasons for being in this building thumped me on the head and brought me back to the almost painful reality.

"No," I said quickly. "I just wanted to take a tour."

"Very well

 

Dr. Obi-Wan? That's interesting. What will happen now?

 

You're right. I didn't expect that!

 

Just wanted to say I been reading your stories for a long time. Nice job.

 

Great story! Why do I think there's more to Obi-Wan being a doctor than meets the eye? I can't wait to find out what's wrong with his memory and what Qui-Gon's going to do about it.

 

Amidala-Skywalker : Wait and see.

Cascadia : That's not bad right? I know we're supposed to foreshadow and everything and I've really tried but how do you tell your readers that your main character thinks there is this person in this asylum and that he therefore is a healer? Just kidding.

Akasha_Nari : Why thank you. btw, do you read the Vampire Chronicles ?

Mel_J : Thanks. Yes, why do you think that? Maybe you're meant to. [face_evil_laughter] Besides, Qui-Gon thinks that Obi is a doctor. He could be a scientist, too, or maybe he's PhotoMem's owner. [face_shocked]

Well, does anybody know if 'doctor' is used in Star Wars, or if even non-Jedi 'doctors' are called Healers? I think I remember seeing a doctor in the Thrawn trilogy where Leia gives birth to twins, but I can't be sure....

EDIT: grammar. Yeah, I'm an illiterate.

Aun

 

Just found this story---and I love it! Great characterization of Qui-Gon through first person. Wonderful style, nice pace...

I need more!

 

Luv_Ewan : Thanks. I've always found Qui-Gon hard to write, and I started this story mainly as a project to understand Qui-Gon better. You'll get more soon tomorrow.

Now I have to go and study Calculus. Ugh.

Aun

 

[face_shocked] WHAT A TWIST!!

I can't wait to see where you take this one!

 

This is so frustrating. I was going through Roelle's theorem when this story charged back into my mind, and I suddenly darted toward the computer, unable to contain myself. It is as well because I doubt I could have concentrated much.

Anyway, anybody reading: please respond to this post. This really is where all trouble begins, and I really want to know what you think of ... err, the situation, and how well I wrote it.

Hopefully, I will come back tomorrow morning and see a dozen replies waiting for me. *crosses her fingers and starts thinking about derivatives again*

~*~*~*~

Obi-Wan's face hardened at my voice, almost as if it - (repulsed him) - unsettled him. I didn't know what pained me more: that he didn't recognize me or that he seemed not to like me. There was no reason why Obi-Wan should remember me, and even if he did, he could only have bad memories about me. After all, what had I ever done for him? Nothing. In fact, everything I could not do for him, I had already done it.

"Master Qui-Gon Jinn," he said, his voice neutral. He glided back toward a window that showed a dimly-lit corridor. "What a pleasant surprise."

I didn't know whether he was being sarcastic or sincere, and since the words were coming from his mouth, it didn't matter what emotion he was saying them with anyway. I tried to look at the positive side of things, but it was becoming increasingly hard with each passing moment. At least Obi-Wan was still talking to me - he hadn't outright turned his back on me.

"I - " I began, then closed my mouth realizing I had no idea what I - (could say) - was going to say. Clearing my throat, I began again, trying to find a subject that didn't have anything to do with - (my betrayal) - the emotional aspect of both of our lives, the Jedi. "You're a doctor, then?"

Obi-Wan didn't answer. "What makes you think that?"

"You - you are wearing ... - so you're a scientist then?"

"What makes you think that?" Dull, tepid, montonous. He sounded as if he were reading the sentence from a book.

"What are you?" I asked.

Again, Obi-Wan thought for a moment. He had his back to me and he - (couldn't seem to take the sight of me) - was staring out the window at the corridor. I doubted he was actually seeing the corridor; he probably was lost in his own thoughts - about the Jedi, and his life when he had been Coruscant, as a Jedi.

"I am me."

Three words, one sentence, spoken without any emotion, yet they touched my heart. It was amazing how a simple sentence such as that could worm its way into your heart while a long rehearsed speech from a politician went through one ear and went out through another in the matter of nanoseconds. If I were to become one with the Force tomorrow, I would remember the words even after my death, and because of that darkness I would never truly know the glory of Light.

"And what are you? A doctor? A scientist? A technician?" - (A janitor?) - "What?" Annoyance. Was that annoyance - (foreboding) - that I heard in my voice. Was I irritated by Obi-Wan's enigmatic explanations? Did I even have the right to be annoyed with him?

"I am me." Intoned. Again. The words had no feeling, no emotion, no life in them, and the sentence became a mass of meaningless words shoved together for the sake of saying them rather than telling them.

"And what is 'me'?"

"Why do you even care?"

"What?"

Obi-Wan - (didn't answer) - didn't have the time to answer.

Because just then the door blasted open.

Both he and I turned to stare at the intruders, and found the woman who had come rushing to Dr. Levon, informing him of a missing patient. With her were two more (supposedly) doctors. The thought that I was alone, without an escort, and hence in deep trouble didn't even occur to me as I opened my mouth to - (demand) - request that they leave at the moment. Emotions tended to snake into logic and engulf it in their deceptive coils. This wasn't the Jedi Temple, this wasn't my room, and I shouldn't even be here, but did it matter?

"What do you thin

 

Very interesting so far.

 

What have they been doing to Obi-Wan? He can't possibly be insane, can he?

 

!@#$%^&* i'm so mad i can't say any more!!!!!!!!!

 

He really is not insane, is he?

 

Thanks everybody for replying.

Cas : Is it what they have done to him or what Qui-Gon has done to him?

Aun