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JA#1 parody...FINISHED!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by female_obi_wan, Jan 21, 2003.

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  1. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2002
    This is done in the style of Book-A-Minute. Read with a sense of humor. ;)


    I could live to regret this.


    JA#1 Parody



    Obi-Wan:
    Hey! It's me! I get my own book!

    Bruck:
    I am quite obviously the cruel and unkind bully.

    Yoda:
    Here teaching young Obi-Wan,I am. Hope this provides a decent explanation for my line in ESB,I do.

    There is a (long) practise lightsabre duel.

    Obi-Wan:
    If I don't get chosen by a Master before I'm thirteen I get sent off to become a farmer. Well,now that's explained,we can get on with the story.

    Yoda:
    Tomorrow,Qui-Gon is coming to choose an apprentice.

    A few more plot points are explained.

    Obi-Wan:
    He won't want me.

    Yoda touches Obi-Wan's arm in comfort.

    Obi-Wan:
    How you can even reach my arm without standing on your toes is beyond me.

    Yoda:
    Now,go out and leave you with your sworn rival so you can beat the ! out of each other, I will.

    Yoda leaves.

    A brief fight ensues.


    *******

    Bruck:
    I am the most un-Jedilike Jedi anyone has probably ever seen,and yet they'll still believe me when I say Obi-Wan started it.

    Mace:
    Let's throw Obi-Wan out.

    Bruck:
    Told you so.

    ****

    Obi-Wan:
    I can't leave! I have a whole lot more books and six movies to star in!

    Bant:
    I'm Obi-Wan's best friend. Don't call me fishgirl.

    Obi-Wan:
    Goodbye.

    Bant:
    Let's talk like Yoda. It's more fun.

    ****

    Reeft:
    Get a good look at me,because I'll disappear without explanation later.

    Garen:
    You won't see a lot of me either.

    Bruck:
    I'm still mean and nasty.

    Some fruit is thrown to show that Bruck is mean and nasty.

    ******

    Yoda:
    Today,we're going to let Obi-Wan fight in front of Qui-Gon. And I have no idea what that mysterious bolt of lightening that just flashed through the sky was supposed to signify.

    *********

    Bruck:
    I have a red lightsabre. No other Jedi does. Only Sith. Are they really that dumb?

    Obi-Wan:
    I was taught to avoid showing off while fighting. What I am doing in Duel of the Fates a few years later,I really can't imagine.

    Bruck:
    I'm looking at you hatefully now. Why I haven't been thrown out already I really don't know.

    Obi-Wan attacks in anger and wins. There is some cheering.

    *********

    Qui-Gon comes in to talk to Obi-Wan.

    Qui-Gon:
    I find it faintly amusing that the word most used to describe me in these books is 'big'

    Obi-Wan:
    Can I be your apprentice?

    Qui-Gon:
    No.

    Obi-Wan:
    Please?

    Qui-Gon:
    No.

    ********
    Int: The 'star map' room


    Yoda:
    Here to provide advice when it's clearly not wanted,I am.

    Qui-Gon:
    I'd tell you to go away,but I don't want to seem like a jerk.

    Assorted rabid Obi-Wan fans:
    It's a bit late for that!

    Yoda:
    Obi-Wan's going to Bandomeer.

    Qui-Gon:
    That's exactly where I'm going.

    Yoda:
    What an incredible *cough* coincidence. *cough*

    *****
    Int: A rather ugly ship called the Monument


    Obi-Wan:
    I miss my friends already.

    Random Hutt:
    We're going to beat you unconcious for no reason.

    Obi-Wan:
    Arghhhh!

    *****

    Obi-Wan:
    ...Where am I?

    Clat'Ha:
    You got beaten unconcious for no reason.

    Obi-Wan:
    I'm the Jedi kid who everyone's been looking for.

    Clat'Ha:
    I'm chief operations manager. I'm one of the good guys. The Offworlders,the ones who beat you unconcious for no reason,are the bad guys. Jemba the Hutt is one of them.

    Explanations go on for a while.

    Clat'Ha:
    Jemba kills anyone who gets in his way. Don't go on his side of the ship.

    Obi-Wan:
    You can't just accept that!

    Clat'Ha:
    Yes I can.

    She leaves.

    Obi-Wan collapses with a fever for no readily apparent reason.




    More to come later...
     
  2. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2002
  3. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    *giggles*

    This is HILARIOUS!!!

    I LOVED the part about his friends disappearing later! That is SO true ;)

    KEEP IT UP!!! :D
     
  4. Wild_Huntress

    Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 15, 2002
    Qui-Gon:
    I'd tell you to go away,but I don't want to seem like a jerk.

    Assorted rabid Obi-Wan fans:
    It's a bit late for that!


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Oh Sarah this is great! I love it! Need more! ;)
     
  5. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    *laughs* Random Hutt:
    We're going to beat you unconcious for no reason.

    Obi-Wan:
    Arghhhh!


    [face_laugh] That was really good, Sara! Need more!


    BTW, this is funny, 3 of us JA people, all here! :D
     
  6. snowbee-wan kenobi

    snowbee-wan kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2000
    Haha this is great!
    And it's all so true!
    Are you gonna do all the JA books like this? That would be hilarious!

    ~s-wk
     
  7. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2002
    [face_laugh]


    Obi-Wan:
    Can I be your apprentice?

    Qui-Gon:
    No.

    Obi-Wan:
    Please?

    Qui-Gon:
    No.


    Luv your style, girl. Why not call this one, "The Rising Norse"?? (can't you just see an adorable Obi complete with butter-yellow pada-braid, wearing a Rohan helm??)

    I do like other JA people, on with the show!!

    -Nio
     
  8. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Oh, yes, this is too good not to go on with. Much as I loved the idea of the JA books, there were times when I wondered why they couldn't have gotten someone besides Jude ("Mary Sue") Watson to write them...
     
  9. Wild_Huntress

    Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 15, 2002
    Morning up. :D Sarah, where are you? I need more! ;)
     
  10. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2002
  11. Cow_Girl

    Cow_Girl Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2001
    Bruck:
    I have a red lightsabre. No other Jedi does. Only Sith. Are they really that dumb?

    The Kid speaks the truth ;)

    [face_laugh]

    Great Job :D
     
  12. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2002
    Thanks for all the feedback,everyone! I really appreciate it!

    Okay,here's the next bit. :D


    Obi-Wan wakes up.

    Qui-Gon:
    Hello.

    Obi-Wan:
    What an incredible coincidence.

    Qui-Gon:
    I looked after you. See,I'm not such a jerk after all.

    Obi-Wan:
    Right.

    Qui-Gon:
    Our destinies lie among different paths.

    Obi-Wan:
    That's just a nice way of saying 'Go AWAY,you little runt!'

    Si Treemba:
    Can I be your friend,Obi-Wan?

    Obi-Wan:
    OK.

    *****

    Clat'Ha:
    Somebody's been sabotaging the machines and stealing thermocoms.

    Obi-Wan:
    Who?

    Clat'Ha:
    The really big and ugly looking Hutt,I'd think...

    The really big and ugly looking Hutt,aka Jemba,happens to come in.

    Qui-Gon:
    Did you sabotage anything?

    Jemba:
    Do I look like the sort of creature who would sneak around sabotage other people's equipment?

    Obi-Wan (under his breath):
    Yes.

    There's an arguement.

    Clat'Ha:
    Terrific. Now we've practically gone and started a war.

    Obi-Wan:
    Let's find the thermocoms ourselves and discover who's behind this.

    Qui-Gon:
    That's stupid and reckless.

    Obi-Wan to Si:
    Let's do it anyway.

    *****

    Several things happen,most of them Dramatic. We discover Acronans need dactyl to stay alive and salt to them is
    dangerous. Si gets captured by Offworlders.


    Obi-Wan:
    I led my friend into danger! I don't deserve to be a Jedi!

    Assorted rabid Qui-Gon fans:
    We could have worked that out for ourselves!

    *****

    Qui-Gon:
    I can sense Obi-Wan....dammit.

    *****

    The Hutts,thinking Si is a spy,are torturing him with salt.

    Obi-Wan saves him.

    Qui-Gon:
    You two made things worse.

    Clat'Ha:
    We found the thermocoms ourselves,by the way.

    Perhaps fortunately for Obi-Wan,the ship is suddenly attacked by pirates.

    *****

    Qui-Gon:
    Can you pilot this ship out of here?

    Obi-Wan:
    Can't you let me fight?

    Qui-Gon:
    Pilot the ship. Now.

    There is an(other) action sequence,involving Togorians,fires and blasters. It is not easy to parody. Qui-Gon gets
    hurt by a pirate with a vibro-ax,Obi-Wan flies the ship,and the ship nearly falls to pieces. It lands on a planet full of
    draigons.


    *****

    Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have another conversation.

    Obi-Wan:
    I killed a bunch of pirates.

    Qui-Gon:
    Act a little less devastated about it?

    Obi-Wan:
    Do you trust me now?

    Qui-Gon:
    Last time I trusted someone,it was a disaster.

    Readers:
    Okay,this guy's hiding something...

    Qui-Gon:
    I'd rather be hit with that vibro-ax a few more times than go through that again...

    Assorted rabid Obi-Wan fans:
    That could be arranged,if you don't quit being mean to Obi.




    What do you think? :)

    p.s. They finally uploaded a TPM Obi&Qui icon!
     
  13. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Oh, that was hilarious! I love the parts with the fans in them--that is so funny.

    Readers:
    Okay,this guy's hiding something...


    and

    Qui-Gon:
    I can sense Obi-Wan....dammit.


    were my favorites in this part.

     
  14. Wild_Huntress

    Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 15, 2002
    Lol Sarah! Great work, once again! "That could be arranged..." [face_laugh]
     
  15. obi_ew

    obi_ew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Apr 14, 2002
    * delurks * Love what you're doing here.So much better then the originals! :)
     
  16. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Qui-Gon:
    I can sense Obi-Wan....*#@.


    If that's what happened to me with a kid who goes and gets himself strangled and other such idiotic junk, that might be my reaction too.

    -Nio
     
  17. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    HILARIOUS SARAH!! MORE SOON!! :D
     
  18. Cow_Girl

    Cow_Girl Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2001
    Jude could have saved herself alot of writing if she had just gone with

    Qui-Gon:
    I can sense Obi-Wan....dammit.


    As you did, since that was pretty much his reaction! [face_laugh]
     
  19. Foutzious_Jester

    Foutzious_Jester Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Jan 27, 2003
    More! Now! Please! Can't get enough of it! PLEASE! That was hilarious! I'm watching play practice, so I had to try really hard not to laugh. I don't want to distract the 'actors'. Lolz. ...
    Please! Laughter is the meaning of life!
     
  20. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2002
    More????

    -Nio
     
  21. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    [face_laugh] That was hilarious! Need more! Sara, get your butt over here NOW and write up another post!!! :D ;)
     
  22. Niobiie-of-Belfalas

    Niobiie-of-Belfalas Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Aw, has this worthy thread been deserted?? Up.

    -Nio
     
  23. Shaindl

    Shaindl Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    HA!

    FOW - this is hysterical! Too funny. Although I haven't read the JA books - and am certain I don't want to from the various comments I've read about them - it's still very easy to follow and to laugh at. I especially like your stage directions. Several things happen,most of them Dramatic. - loved that line.

    Really good work! More soon.

    Shaindl
     
  24. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2002
    I'm here! I'm alive! I...haven't got the next part yet. [face_blush] Sorry! First I was ill,then I got lots of homework,and I've got lots of things planned for the weekend...but I'll try and do something tomorrow morning or something. And I have got a little treat at the end...XD

    Thank you all for the feedback! I really really appreciate it. :)

    SiriGallia: Thank you! Actually,I think the whole 'friends disappearing' thing actually came from you in the first place! It was her,everyone,not me! ;)

    W_H: Thanks! I'm planning a lot of 'comments' from the OW fans and QG fans,since they make up most of the people reading the books anyway. ;) And since I'm one of both of them (wait a minute,did that make sense? ;)) I can make them up pretty easily. :D

    Jess: Thanks! What great choice in icons you have. ;)

    snowbee-wan: I really like your name. ;) I was planning to do them all,maybe skipping 10 and some of the duller ones,but I definately want to finish this one!

    Niobiie: The Rising Norse? :D I like! Although I'm keeping the current title for now,I like the idea of Rohan-helmet-Obi too. ^_^

    Mistress_Renata: Thank you! :)

    Cow_Girl: Thank you! :D Although Jude didn't write RF,did she? Wasn't it that other guy? *too lazy to run upstairs and find her books* But maybe he could've saved himself some writing. ;)

    Lady Moonbeam: Thanks! I like the fans as well. :D

    obi_ew: Thanks for delurking! *blushes*

    Foutzious_Jester: Thanks! I'll put more up asap. :)

    Shaindl: Thanks! I'd read most of the JA books before I came here,and they're good mostly,up to about number 9,then they start going down. :( (although I do really like number18) And 14-17 felt like I was reading about totally different characters. Oh well. Thanks again for reading! (and I'd just PMed you before I read this thread. :))

    Okay,since I don't have the next part I did something else. :) Reading through the whole thing so far I decided it was really nothing like Book-a-minute (which was one of the things that inspired it) at all,so I decided to make a quick Book-a-minute JA for you. Enjoy!

    JA#1-the rising force

    Obi-Wan: Can I be your apprentice?

    Qui-Gon: No.


    JA#2-the dark rival

    Obi-Wan: Can I be your apprentice?

    Qui-Gon: Okay.


    JA#3-the hidden past

    Qui-Gon: Here's a rock.

    [the rock saves Obi-Wan from losing his memory.]


    JA#4-the mark of the crown

    [A few things happen. The only one worth noting is the sword duel.]


    JA#5-the defenders of the dead

    Obi-Wan: I'm leaving the Jedi Order to help a pretty,intelligent girl and her friends save a planet.

    Qui-Gon: But....you'll be doing just what my old apprentice did and scar me for life! Don't go!

    Obi-Wan: Tough cookies.


    JA#6-the uncertain path

    [Pretty,intelligent girl dies]

    Obi-Wan: Can I come back?

    Qui-Gon: If you must.


    JA#7-the captive temple

    [Xanatos,Qui-Gon's old apprentice,tries to kill Yoda]

    Obi-Wan: Can you take me back?

    Qui-Gon: Maybe later.


    JA#8-the day of reckoning

    [Xanatos kills himself]

    Obi-Wan NOW will you take me back?

    Qui-Gon: Oh,all right.


    JA#9-the fight for truth

    Siri: I'm smarter than you.

    Obi-Wan: No you're not.

    [Some foreshadowing is thrown in for good measure.]


    JA#10-the shattered peace

    [The Jedi go to a very nice place. Two people who didn't like each other wind up liking each other by the end. And probably a few other things happen too.]


    JA#11-the deadly hunter

    Didi: Help me!

    The Jedi: Oh,alright.

    [Qui-Gon gets captured]


    JA#12-the evil experiment

    Jenna: Prepare to DIE!

    Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan,get over here and help me.


    JA#13-the dangerous rescue

    [There is a rescue. It is dangerous.]


    JASE-deceptions

    Obi-Wan: They're putting me on trial for murder!

    Qui-Gon: I'm staying with my girlfriend. Be back later. Have
     
  25. Wild_Huntress

    Wild_Huntress Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 15, 2002
    Lol! [face_laugh] Those were very cute Sarah. ;)
     
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