Winter Melts---A Completed Vignette

This is usually where I would say that this is terrible, and that I shouldn't waste my time, especially with four other fics to busy me, but I'm trying to lower the self-criticism a little, so I'll leave the critiquing up to you guys!




Winter Melts

A Vignette by LuvEwan

///////\\\\\\\

I touch the fire and it freezes me
I look into it and its black
Why can't I feel
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back

Now through the smoke he calls to me
To make my way across the flame

To save the day
Or maybe melt away
I guess its all the same

So I will walk through the fire
'Cause where else can I turn
I will walk through the fire
And let it---

Burn. -Joss Whedon

///////\\\\\\\

The lines of the window were severe, coming to sharp corners, framing the dismal horizon beyond.

Trees were barren. Frost clung to the twisting branches, left the remnants of leaves icy and brittle. The ground was thickly concealed by layers of snow.

The sky was painted in grays, and the grim palate streaked across the desolate, empty land.

He turned away from the scene, sealing his eyes against the familiar backdrop, and returned to his seat.

His hulking frame was squeezed into the hard-backed chair, but after days upon days, he didn't notice the cramped discomfort.

The walls were white. He had expected nothing different, for that was the way of these sort of places. Unrelieved blandness stretching into every tiny room, spilling onto the thin blankets and pillows, bleeding into the motionless patient's pallor.

His russet hair was wilted, damp strands falling onto his forehead, casting shadows on darkened eyelids. Sculpted, barely parted lips were faintly tinted blue. His abused chest heaved to deliver a breath.

Qui-Gon could admit, in this deafening silence, that the light was draining from his apprentice's face. He had ignored the thought at first, fought against its meaning with every fiber of his increasingly weary being, but now his resolve was giving way.

To a harsh, unbearable truth.

There had always been a brilliance to Obi-Wan's smile. Anyone recognized it, whether they be a fellow Jedi, or a mere acquaintance, glancing at that charismatic face without care.

It held the benevolent glitter of a thousand stars, the simply purity of a golden sunrise.

And his eyes glowed with softness of a gentle moon.

Or the tranquil waves of the ocean.

It was the essence of Obi-Wan's soul, he could not hide his tremendous beauty, though he displayed not a shred of pride, carried himself without conceit.

The rarest forms of grace were harbored in him. Qui-Gon had acknowledge that distantly, perhaps.

Before.

Now he was haunted by the full knowledge.

Staring at the pasty visage, he recalled countless yesterdays, where cerulean eyes twinkled amid a pall, and a cultured voice spoke in harmonious verse.

When the days were ripe with possibility.

Before the strong and noble body was struck down.

Qui-Gon witnessed the quick, abrupt decay:

The sudden sheen of sweat that broke onto Obi-Wan's skin. The chills, the fiery fever and crippling weakness. Until the shaking Padawan collapsed in his Master's arms, limp.

They were on a foreign world, Qui-Gon speaking a very broken version of native tongue. He managed to get the unresponsive youth to a hospital, where Obi-Wan was promptly whisked into the frightening, cold bowels of, while Qui-Gon paced the still halls.

An exotic, thankfully incommunicable, disease, had claimed the student as its next victim. It wasn't an epidemic, but off-worlders were at high risk, without the antibodies built up to battle the fierce malady.

Little could be done for Obi-Wan, they told him, with help of a translator who was fluent in Basic. Potent medicines were constantly streamed into Obi-Wan's blood. He was restrained to a specific diet, and remained in the stiff infirmary bed.

He slept a majority of the time. Qui-Gon could sense the overwhelming exhaustion easily through

 

First of all: I love that song from Buffy! It was one of my fav. Great episode too...

Also, AWESOME FIC! Even more haunting because it's snowing outside right now. Brought me to tears...

 

Now hear this, Woman! I do NOT, NOT, NOT get all teary-eyed when I read fics. Do you understand that? No - those are absolutely not tears in my eyes! I just . . . . peeled an onion, for God's sake. At my computer! With my fingers!

Oh, for the love of Mike, LE -with this one, I better not hear word one of self-criticism. This, my dear, was just beautifully touching and exquisitely wrought.

For me, the absolute ultimate compliment for a writer, is when another writer says, "Oh, I wish I'd written that."

NOTE THIS: I do not say it often - but you can consider it said now.

CYN

 

Nuff said!

 

Up with the fic!

 

You just get better and better LE . This was beautifully written. Your description are breathtaking and the emotions you portray heartwrenching. I am glad you didn't put your customary self-criticism in this time. You are an amazingly gifted writer. I can't imagine how you can write so much so well. Keep 'em coming is all I can say.

** runs off looking for tissues **

 

Beautiful, LE! I love all your vignettes, and this one was no exception. The descriptions were all so vivid and conveyed so much emotion. I loved the analogy of the ice melting, and the affection and stubborn love between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

You're so amazing! Please keep writing.

 

You guys sure know how to make someone feel special.

Thank you so much.

LuvEwan

 

[face_shocked] [face_shocked]

 

**bawls like a baby**

LuvEwan that was a wonderful post. I am like Cyn in saying that I normally do not cry, but this one I felt my self get all teary eyed.

I really loved this and I look forward to reading more of your works..

PT

 

LE you've got such a wonderful talent for writing and this is just another example of that talent at it's best

 

Powerful.

You've never written finer, LE. This was just remarkable for the emotions it evokes both in characters and your readers. Marvellous.

Shaindl

 

Thank you all for the additional replies.

 

First off: This is an amazing fic! Absolutely beautiful! Oh Elbereth! Normally I always speed read and skim over things but this was so beautiful I could not miss one word- nay, not a single letter, even. Two: I knew you were askign in BLurred Visions if this came across as slashy and here's my advice to you. Someone who's into slash will find anything slashy. If you drop a pencil- it's slash, to them, somehow. Trust me, all my friends are like that. Slash is all about the intent in my opinion- if it's intended to be slashy, it is, and if it's not intended then it won't be, no matter what some people say. Trust me, LuvE, I wish I had a dollar for all the times I got slash comments! Don't let that put you down!

 

Hmm. And up we go, LuvE.