"If it's bigger than you, do not touch it." another JA humorfic *THIS THREAD IS TEMPORARILY STOPPED*

Okay, am I making myself notorious for these yet?? Hey, they're fun!

No $$ is being passed around connected with this story unless blackmail is employed, and I don't own SW, but hey, I'm being naughty and using it anyway.
This story is being written by me, Niobiie the healer of Belfalas, the alternate death and doom/humor authoress.
This is a sequel to "I didn't know playdoh was explosive." But reading that isn't necessary at all.
Playdoh but there it is anyway.

-----

?If it?s bigger than you, do not touch it.?

?Now, now, Obi-Wan, how bad could it be??? Qui-Gon Jinn vaguely watched his apprentice, amused.

?Famous last words,? was the only mutter response he got.

?They are just KIDS,? Qui-Gon thumped the teen on the back. ?KIDS!!!! We feed them and wash them and watch them and then go home!?

?No,? Obi-Wan spoke through his hands, his voice muffled. ?They feed us to something, they wash us with something nasty, they watched us crack, and then we go to the nut house.?

?What kind of Jedi are you?? Look, this ship will land in an hour, be sweet, or I?ll crack your neck.? Qui-Gon smiled wryly and pretended to make a chopping motion in the air with his hands.

?Sounds good to me,? was the only response that got.

?Look, Obi-Wan, they are just children. Granted, there are a lot of them, but what is a few more than usual???

Obi-Wan grabbed his master?s arm and whispered hoarsely, ?L....lot....lot of them???? It was almost a whimper.

?Well, yes, Tyfo-Mageegans tend to have large families...?

?How many???????

Qui-Gon swallowed, cursing himself for letting that slip. ?Uh, how does ?nine? sound???

?Oh,? color came back to Obi-Wan?s face. ?That?s not so bad.?

Qui-Gon?s smile became strained, ?Then ?eleven? also does strike you as impossible???

?We?re watching eleven???? Obi-Wan?s mouth had dropped open.

?Thirteen, actually...?

?WE ARE WATCHING THIRTEEN STNKEN ALIEN CHILDREN, FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG, ON A PLANET I?VE NEVER HEARD OF, ALL BECAUSE MY OWN MASTER DOESN?T KNOW HIS LIMITATIONS, OR HIS APPRENTICE?S BREAKING POINT??????????

?Why say more?? You summed it up pretty well!? Qui-Gon stifled a laugh.

Obi-Wan looked sternly at his boot, and informed it, ?I hate you.?

?I?m sure the feeling in mutual,? Qui-Gon sighed. ?Look, Jedi don?t hate, and Jedi CAN take care of a large group of smaller beings for as long as they need to, got it???

Obi-Wan smiled sweetly. ?Uh....yeah, sure, whatever you say. Master, do you have any idea what we?re going into???

Qui-Gon fake laughed, but really, he didn?t.

-----

oh, yeah...

-Nio

 

13 children? All to be tackled by Quigy and Obi??? This is gonna be fun!!! Glad to see you back in business, Nio!

 

Hey Bobilll!!

Okay, I think I'm going to post Saturday and Tuesday.

-Nio

 

Run children run!!!!!
Poor Obi and Qui Gon what do they et themselves into huh?
Great story

 

This sounds great!! - ?No,? Obi-Wan spoke through his hands, his voice muffled. ?They feed us to something, they wash us with something nasty, they watched us crack, and then we go to the nut house.?


[face_luagh] Truer words have never been spoken Very funny so far. I can't wait to see the trouble that will come. Poor Obi and Qui, they are in for one heck of a ride, I's guess.

 

?No,? Obi-Wan spoke through his hands, his voice muffled. ?They feed us to something, they wash us with something nasty, they watched us crack, and then we go to the nut house.?

That about sums it up, yeah.

Oh yeah...??? Don't you mean 'Oh NO!'? Ah, but honestly? I can't wait. Thirteen stinken alien children... *smiles beautifically* Misery is never half so fun as when you observe it in others.

Loved Obi-Wan's percieved reasoning behind his newest predicament. No, Qui-Gon has never been one to recognize limitations.

Great start, Nio! Hope I can keep up a bit better this time; also hope you'll forgive me when I fall behind.

Sarah >^,,^<

 

OH MAN! OH NO! OH YIKES! OH YIPES! OH DEATH BLOOD GORE AND OLIVE MARMALADE!!

THEIR GONNA DIE!!! DIEDIEDIE!!!

...but something tells me that Obi-Wan (knowing at least a FEW survival tequniques) May just last longer than his very misinformed mentor

I love it!

Can't wait for more girl!!

And yes, you are getting notorious! ;D

 

Hananiah: Whado they get themselves into??? *sounds of me laughing to hysterically to properly answer*

Jess: One heckofa ride?? Possibly, but the word 'ride' implies occational fun and/or slower moments.

Sarah: Lol, misery is indeed, an oyster. (do I know what that means??? Naw....but it sounds good)

Siri: Well, yasee, Mom got a Bill Cosby CD for her birthday, so, after memorizing that, you get a slight hint as to what I just might do....

-----

They touched down on the planet. It was night, and a misty wind moaned across the world. Heavy moisture dripped off every object, and Obi-Wan slipped coming down the ramp.

?Don?t tell me the planet is also going to be a trial...? Obi-Wan moaned.

?Okay, I won?t tell you,? Qui-Gon agreed admirably.

They came off the landing strip, and found themselves facing a small, depressing greeting house. There were no lights on and no noise of life. The place looked so chilling and inhospitable, a cheerful ghost would have brightened everything.

?Could there have been a mistake about where to land??? Obi-Wan asked at last, after they?d stood and gaped for a few moments.

?I sure hope not,? Qui-Gon swallowed. ?I don?t believe we have enough fuel to get to any other landing port...?

Not being able to think of anything else to do, they walked to the building and knocked hesitantly at the door. No thing stirred, living or otherwise.

A large drop of water dripped down the branch of a blue, heavy bent tree, and landed squarely on Qui-Gon?s neck. He jumped, and shivered. ?Whew, this doesn?t look too good.?

?Oh, then I?m not the only person to have noticed that?? Obi-Wan got a well deserved smack on the back of his head.

?Cut it out and be respectful.?

?Right, master.?

?Look, be helpful. Go back to the ship and get me my inter-link. I?m going to try this door, and look for others.?

Obi-Wan waited till Qui-Gon wasn?t looking, before grimacing. He then dashed off, slipping again on the ramp.

Qui-Gon went slowly to the door, and tried it. Completely locked.

He walked around the building, noting its drab, badly matching siding. Old siding was half covered with cheap, new boards, while mold was sprinkled on the whole.

He found another door, and tried it. To his surprise, it stuck for a moment, and then creaked open. The hall it revealed was pitch black, and not very encouraging.

Obi-Wan came up beside him, the large puddle on his tunic showed more excitement had happened on the ramp, and handed him the inter-link.

?Who are you going to call??? Obi-Wan asked, staring, without disguised disgust, at the condition of the house.

?I?m not sure...? Qui-Gon tentatively tapped his link. ?Uh....?

?Your strength gives me strength,? Obi-Wan?s lip twisted. ?With all due respect, I?m bored, I don?t want to be here anyway, and my stomach hurts.?

?You abominable, little liar,? was all the encouragement he got.

?The counselor at the temple said comments like that are hurting my self respect, and the image my mind creates for my ego.?

?Good.?

?Fooy.?

A particularly cold droplet of water oozed down Obi-Wan?s back. It was already a bad mission, and they?d literary not even started yet.

-----

slow/long beginning?? yeah, don't worry, I'm just savoring my ideas...

-Nio

 

GAH!! *jumps fifty feet in the air*

OH NO NOT BILL COSBY!! That bug is STILL going through our house cause our mom got our dad about 8 of those things!! No telling what you'll do??? That's the whole PROBLEM!! *groans* Which one do you have anyway? I like the one with the tonsil romoval, the Chocolate Cake, The 'My name is Erica', the Flipping a Coin, The Jr. Barns and the Noah ones, of the top of my head There are A LOT!


*****
?You abominable, little liar,? was all the encouragement he got.

?The counselor at the temple said comments like that are hurting my self respect, and the image my mind creates for my ego.?

?Good.?

?Fooy.?
*****

That was HILARIOUS!! I died laughing over that particular scene!

You're right those, this isn't going well!

MORE SOON!!

 

*shakes head* Those two!

Somebody ought to tell them to hurry up, though; the longer they give Nio to savor ideas, the worse trouble they'll be in. As if a drippy planet wasn't enough!

*glances distastefully at the guest house, which bears a slight resemblance to a house she read about once* Here's a suggestion: go in, and CHECK THE CELLAR! If you find someone dead at the bottom of the stairs, arrest the gardener. In the meantime, stay away from any stray cacti, and don't try to light a fire -- the chimneys are probably clogged.

Sarah >^,,^<

 

Ooooo, looks like we'll have a different kinds of jokes now... poor Obi-Wan... hehe, self esteen part was great! Cheeky little guy...

 

He he. I can just imagine what sort of a scene you are staring to build up with this little introduction

A large drop of water dripped down the branch of a blue, heavy bent tree, and landed squarely on Qui-Gon?s neck. He jumped, and shivered. ?Whew, this doesn?t look too good.?

?Oh, then I?m not the only person to have noticed that?? Obi-Wan got a well deserved smack on the back of his head.

?Cut it out and be respectful.?

?Right, master.?

LOL!! Sarcastic littlle adorable termite Despite his backtalking, you got to love the little bugger. Poor Obi and Qui are really gonna have their work cut out for them. I hope they don't end up in some mental hospital *really hopes she isn't giving Nio and ideas* That was too funny, more whenever you can please!

 

Siri: Hm, for some reason, I thought you guys might be into those!
We have 'Wonderfulness' so tonsils, go-cart, cream-of-wheat-lumps, chicken heart, and special class are all in the process of being memorized.
"Ruddy did you keep your....no he didn't keep....they got him...." and
"So he's about to jump into what?--twelve degrees."
Are probably to two phrases that make me giggle the most!

Sarah: LOL!! But perhaps they'd also develop that Wimsey persistance and believe the body ina-cellar a GOOD reason to stay!

bobilll: Cheeky? yeah, little? no. he's suppose to be about seventeen. doesn't act it, huh?

Jess: He is kinda cute when playing the absolutely irritating pessemist! But, if I were there, I'd do more than smack him. (i have, in my life time, punched one guy, smacked another, and told numerous others to shut up. not that that's a good thing, but I wouldn't have many scrupils to tell HIM a thing or two!) (and i'm NOT counting brothers there)

-----

The child was perched high up on one of the wet branches. He watched the Jedi, his smile liberally revealing his sharp white teeth. He raised his stick-shot, and aimed. The small stone flew perfectly towards the taller Jedi, but much to the child?s disappointment, did not touch him. A spectacular leap perfectly slipped him out of the path of danger.

A frown now winkled the kid?s brow. But then he bit his lip to keep from laughing. He could hear ever word they said.

?Did you just get a sudden urge to do that or were to trying to amaze me??? the shorter Jedi asked.

?Didn?t I tell you to knock it off or I?d knock you?? I felt something flying towards me!? was the cross answer.

?A bug or another drop of water???

?A rock.? The tone was dangerous. ?I can?t sense anyone around here, can you???

?Nuh uh,? the boy obviously wasn?t taking the older man seriously.

The child put two of his fuzzy paws over his mouth, and giggled.

?Did you hear something??? now it was the shorter kid?s turn to get spooked.

?Just you.? The older man countered. ?Or were you speaking to someone else??

?No, I thought I heard a laugh, master!?

?I did not hear it. Where did it come from???

The boy slowly pointed up to the tree above them, and they started to look up. Knowing he could no longer hid, the child hopped up and down on the branch, splattering the already damp humans to a dangerously soggy degree.

?Whatha, master?!?!?!?

?I couldn't sense it, could you????? the tone was a little frantic, and both humans removed themselves out of the semi-downpore and watched the child laugh openly at them.

?Not a bit, no heat, no heart beat, no movment, nothing!!?

?Kid, what is your name?? Do you speak basic???

The child?s black eyes glittered maliciously at them. ?No, I no speak any basic all.?

?Then how can you understand us and answer??? the boy?s strained face suggested a marterdom to be nice.

?Just try really hard.? Was the encouraging responce.

?What is your name???

?Nam. Go way.?

?We can?t,? the older man took his longish hair and squeezed some of the exess liquid out. ?Where do you live???

Nam laughed again. ?There!? he pointed vaguely into the dark mist. ?I supposed to bring you home, you...? his beady eyes twinkled. ?...hava baby sitted me!?

-----



-Nio

 

Obi-Wan: AAAAAAH! Retreat! Retreat!

Oh, of *course*! Thirteen kids to baby-sit and they can't even *sense the species*!! How perfect is this? *grins unhelpfully at the soggy Jedi* Then again, who knows? Maybe the rest will be different. *grins even wider*

Anyway, *hums cheerfully* great stuff with the two of them not believing each other, and the little kid's description! Great writing!

Sarah >^,,^<

 

Wow, they have to babysit him? Wow, talk about a chore! 16... year of rebellions... will be very hard for the two won't it? This must be your evil plan, to continuously torture our poor Obi... I'm really starting to feel sorry for people who babysit... I guess the kids are sweet on the inside... but I can imagine that can be hard to see sometimes.

I had my first experience with bratty kids... well, not the first, but I first realized how similar they are to real brothers and sisters... they're my neighbors, and they're two years younger than me, but they act like ten years younger. They barge into my house without my invitation and go around stealing candy and turning on the TV and stuff... and when you try to be serious with them, they just laugh! It's times like these I would prefer a younger nieghbor, even if they are messier... if they start climbing all over you you can just pick them up out of danger's way... or so you think...

 

Sarah: Well, yes, if I could manage to incorperate Monty Python in SW, obi-wan probably would have said something like, "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!"

bobilll: Yup, that can't be pretty or fun. See, I talk about how horrible my sibs are, but they really are incrediable for kids. Yah see, we apply more justice than grounding or go-to-your-rooming. So far, they've been much nicer that way!


-----

Qui-Gon stood, the phoniest grin he?d ever managed pasted on his face, listening to his doom.

All around the two Jedi was a hellish roar of chaos and children. Though personally, he had an inkling one would not have existed without the other.

The parents of the interesting family, stood with their bags in the hall. It was difficult to believe the mother?s tears were genuine as she embraced and said goodbye to her children.

?Such, dears, ? she sniffed.

?Uh,? Qui-Gon wasn?t exactly sure how to ask this question, but it was rather important. ?Your son was in a tree when we arrived and we couldn?t, um, sense his presence. As Jedi, we were wondering if you knew anything about that???

?Yeah, yeah, sure,? the father shrugged. ?Force sentive, or whatever, canna sense us. That just is.?

?That might be a problem...? Qui-Gon started, but the father wasn?t listening to him.

?Stand in line!? their father yelled. ?Name off again for Moster Jinn, and give ages, too!!?

The screeching children stood abruptly in line, and sounded off from oldest to youngest.

?Num. Fifteen.?

?Nem. Thirteen.?

?Nom. Twelve.?

?Naa. Ten.?

?Nam. Nine.?

?Nama. Eight.?

?Naam. Seven.?

?Numa. Six.?

?Neem. Five.?

?Nuum. Four.?

?Nuua. Three.?

?Nemna. Two.?

?Neam. One.? The last was shouted in a particularly squeaking pitch.

?Did you catch them all??? the mother asked, innocence, whether genuine or not, plastered all over her furry face.

?Um, they?ll correct me if I get any wrong,? was Qui-Gon could think to say.

?Oh, yes, they are very good at that.? Their father smiled rather sarcastically. ?Now, I hope this election will be held soon.?

?Me, too,? Obi-Wan whispered.

?But if it is not, there are relative?s numbers for you to call encase of problem. There are many things they can do lots, to keep happy. Num, Nem, Nom, and Naa will help much. Num has started a new job with friend though, so he will be busy some time.? The father smoothed back his crest and smiled a very toothy grin at his oldest son, who did not seem very interested in their guests.

?Num, be lots help, ok???

He looked up, and then straight at Obi-Wan. There was a faint smiled playing about his mouth. ?Yes, Abba.?

?Now, Nam, Nama, and Naam, you three be very much help and no trouble for Jedi, yes??

The three nodded angelically.

?Take care of Numa and Neem, and be very sweet.? He turned back to the Jedi. ?The children are suppose to care for one another lots time, only babies need lots help from Jedi.? He kissed the four babies, who looked, in possible, like even more problems creators than their older siblings.

?Uh, Qui-Gon, weren?t there only suppose to be thirteen of them???

?That's all I counted.? Qui-Gon looked around nervously, and saw what his apprentice was talking about. The mother was coming towards them, holding a very small baby.

?This is no mine,? she smiled sweetly. ?My sister?s. You watch her some, too. Sister will feed baby and take much time, but some time need to watch her. Name is Ruua.?

She stuffed the baby, a eleven month old, into Obi-Wan?s arms. She then hoisted up another load of their baggage, and went outside. Obi-Wan looked at the baby blankly. ?At least it?s not another ?N? name...? he ventured at last.

?I have a bad feeling about this.? Qui-Gon?s voice was hollow as he looked at the literal horde of children. The seething mass of breathing creatures, that he, Qui-Gon Jinn, who?d never watched more that two children for any period of time, was responsible for who knew h

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

NIO! I'M GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES FOR A *MONTH*!!



*breaths, swallows, sort-of-calms-down* Really, of all the cruel things to do (to your readers as well as your characters), you just *had* to go and name them like that. I could barely keep track of the kids in 'playdough', this is going to be awful! *glances at Qui and Obi, lost in a writhing mass of juvenile confusion* Then again, maybe my problems aren't so bad after all...

Great scene! The chaos was very well described, and the parents were great! *recalls the mother's rather, um, optimistic view of her rampaging horde* Er, 'well conceived' at least, if not 'great'...

They are in SO much trouble.

Sarah >^,,^<

 

All of the sudden I feel like I'm in the Sound of Music... but with wayyyy too many N's! How will they tell them apart??? So the nightmare begins... no Siri to help either!!!

Hehe, you're right, it's so much easier to control kids when they aren't strong enough to beat you up even if they are younger than you (pathetic, I know...) Just makes me feel more for our babysitters... the babies just shove them in their cribs... but ranging from 1-15 in ages... wayyy too hard to handle!!!!

 

OH NO!!! This is SO VERY not good!!

I LOVE it!!

Oh man those names! Those Ages! That Baby! Those parents! They're gonna DIE!! ;D

Wait a minute....Naa...Num...Naam...Ni--

NIO! Are you related to these people??!! I should've known!! It would be JUST like you!!

Oh more soon even though I am terrified of the little boogers! ;D 13...unlucky...and they have NO idea HOW unlucky!!

 

Qui and Obi are gonna get it!! As if they can take care of all those children without dying first! If this story is anything like your other devilsitting- I mean babysitting than Obi and Qui are gonn wish they were dead!

 

ANOTHER NIO FIC!!!!!!


ANOTHER BABYSITING FIC!


A SOUND OF MUSIC FIC.

Do we get any Nazis???



MORE AND UP!!!

 

Ah, with intense guilt (again and again) I apologise for, uh, disappearing. It's been part Darth Real Life, and part me.
I just have had no impulse to go on right now, and I'm working very hard on a different story. And, believe it or not, I don't feel like being funny right now. I'll start this thread up some time, but right now, I just don't have time.

Thanks for all the sweet replies, talk (post?) to ya later!!!!

-Nio the sleepy

 

S'okay! Write when you can and we'll read when we can!

Sarah >^,,^<

 

Don't worry about it Nio, it seems everyone these days are soooo busy!

 

Wow, I just found this, and it's HILARIOUS, Nio!!!!! But I have to admit I'm offended that you didn't tell me about it! Whatever the case, I hope you're inspired to post more soon. *waves hand* You WILL get your plot bunnies lined up!