Before - Legends FIC: Lament (JA angst) *Completed 5/19/03*

New story, finally!!! Whew. Not my best work, but I've let this one sit long enough. I think I am gonna post this in about 5 parts. One post a day. Here we go!



TITLE: Lament
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: 3 years Pre-TPM. Non-Slash. A loss devastates Obi-Wan. (Please note in this story, Obi-Wan is 22 and Taash is 2 years into Knighthood.)
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

=======
Lament
=======

?Bren, have you seen Obi-Wan??

Qui-Gon was running out of places to look for his apprentice. The young man had been upset over the death of an initiate that he?d grown fond of over the past year. A boy who had been training under the watchful eye of Master Yoda. He was part of a group of very young Jedi who were just beginning to learn the ways of the Force. Obi-Wan had come to know many of the initiate?s within that group, but he?d formed a special bond with a boy named Ky Emmer. Ky was small for his age, but Obi-Wan sensed that he was very strong in the Force and he saw a lot of himself in the child. When he?d heard, that several members in one of Yoda?s training groups had been killed in an accident in one of the docking bays, he?d feared the worst. Yoda was the one who had delivered the news to him early that morning. Obi-Wan?s initial reaction was denial. Then disbelief. He knew Yoda would not lie to him, but it was just one day ago that he and Ky had spent time together laughing and learning. Now he was gone.

When Qui-Gon had heard the news, he?d tried everyway he could to contact his apprentice. But Obi-Wan had shut his master out completely. Bren saw the worry in her friend?s eyes and it immediately concerned her.

?No, I haven?t seen him since yesterday. What?s wrong??

?You remember Ky Emmer, the initiate that Obi-Wan had been spending time with??

?Yes. From what I could tell, they had become very close.?

?The training accident, you heard about that. Ky was one of the children killed. He and two others. Yoda said he informed Obi-Wan and told him to return to his quarters until I got there. That was this morning. No one has seen him since. He won?t respond to me. I can feel him, but that?s it. I need to find him.?

Bren ran over the obvious courses of action in her head. Assuming that Qui-Gon had already eliminated them himself. ?You checked with his friends? Taj? Taash? Yes, of course you have.?

?Wait,? he said. ?Taj and Jerra are away on a mission. But I hadn?t thought about Taash.?

~~~~~~~~~

Bren followed Qui-Gon towards Taash?s quarters. Taash Evram had been good friend of Obi-Wan?s for almost four years now. Even after Taash had been knighted just over two years ago, the pair continued their deepening friendship. Qui-Gon berated himself for not thinking of checking in with Taash. He?d become someone that Obi-Wan could lean on when he couldn?t bring himself to speak with his master about certain matters.

There was no response after Qui-Gon?s third press of the door chime. He knocked. Still no answer. ?Now what,? he mumbled to himself.

?Where does he go when he?s upset?? Bren asked from behind.

?The gardens, but I checked there. No one has seen him. Other times he?ll wander for a bit before coming home. He?s never just vanished for this long without contacting me. Bren, he?s upset and?what if something happened to him??

?Relax, Qui-Gon. Don?t start getting yourself all worked up. Yes this has surely upset him, but he?s smart, he knows not to get into any situation where he might get hurt. Let?s keeping looking, come on.?

~~~~~~~~~

Taash had heard the news about the t

 

Ah OTK I always love your angst fics. You write them in such a gentle yet touching way.

Poor Obi. He must be so upset to get that drunk!

Looking forward to part two

 

Poor kid! *hugs* I hope Qui gets to Obi ASAP

MORE!!

 

Thanks Ginger and Arwen! More to come.

Now I gotta get my butt in gear and get to reading some of these other stories.

 

Dang this is good Obi..... not to mention sad

 

Thanks Kelly! Here's part 2!


~~~~~~~~

When Bren and Qui-Gon finally returned to his quarters they were out of options, and more worried than ever.

?Something?s happened to him. Otherwise we?d have found him or he would have contacted me.? The tall master paced the common area, going over everything in his mind for the hundredth time. Trying to think of any place that they had not searched for the missing apprentice.

Bren noticed the message light on the comm panel was flashing. Most likely a routine message, but perhaps?. ?Qui-Gon check your messages.?

He pressed the small silver button. The voice, he knew belonged to Taash, before the knight even stated who he was. Obi-Wan was safe. Both masters released a great sigh of tension as the message played on and Taash relayed the abbreviated version of where and in what state he had found Obi-Wan.

?You need help or are you okay to handle him on your own?? Bren asked in concern.

?It?s probably best that I take care of this. I?ll give you a call later after I get him home and settled.? Qui-Gon answered as he returned her unsure smile. ?He?s never done anything like this before.?

?Don?t be to hard on him. It was a mistake. I?m sure he?ll realize that after the hell he?s going to feel tomorrow. If you need anything??

?I?ll let you know. Thank you, Bren.?

~~~~~~~~

Taash opened the door to let Qui-Gon in. The master walked quietly across the room and to the couch. His immediate reaction was to put a hand on the boy?s forehead. A bit clammy, but typical for the drinks that Obi-Wan had probably ingested.

?Where did you find him?? Qui-Gon asked as he turned his attention away from his apprentice and towards the older knight.

?I found him by accident actually. I was on the observation deck watching the new padawans. I found him slouched in the corner. He told me, in so many words, about Ky. I?m sorry, Qui-Gon. It?s horrible for anything like that to happen to those so young, but for one of the victims to be Ky?I?m sorry.?

?I haven?t seen Obi-Wan since I heard about the accident. Yoda is the one who told him what happened. Then I couldn?t find him. I was beginning to fear that something had happened to him. Thank you, Taash for looking after him. And for keeping him safe. He?s lost friends before, but he?s never given into alcohol to help deal with it. Ky was?a unique child. Obi-Wan has never become so attached so quickly to anyone. It?s a great loss for Obi-Wan and for the Jedi.?

Both men glanced back at the couch when Obi-Wan moaned involuntarily. Taash looked back sadly at Qui-Gon and asked, ?Who were the other children killed??

?Jeslin Kerrs and Ta?im Veran. Several others were injured, but the healers have said that they will recover fully. The council will hold a formal funeral service for all three lost. They will join the Force together?just as they passed.?

?I am sure Obi-Wan will wish to be in attendance. He?s finally quieted down. You?re welcome to let him stay here until morning if you don?t want to wake him. I don?t mind.?

Qui-Gon could sense Taash?s sincerity, but he refused to impose on the young knight anymore than his apprentice already had. ?I appreciate that, but it would be easier if I got him home. He?ll not be feeling very well in the morning and you have duties to attend. Has he been sick??

?Yes,? Taash nodded. ?Several times. I don?t know if he got it out of his system or not, but I haven?t given him any liquids or anything. My old master did this to himself once. I think he learned his lesson the hard way. I think I learned too just by seeing the hangover that it left him with.?

They passed the next few minutes talking before Qui-Gon decided to try and get his apprentice up and moving. Obi-Wan whined and moaned as he was brought out of his slumbering state. His head, when lifted just bobbed around looking for a place to settle. His eyes floated between closed and squinted. His cooperation in getting back to his own quarters would be limited.

 

Nice post

 

Thanks Pattty!

 

Poor Obi *hugs* He's gonna regret the drunkness while feeling sad about Ky.

Ooh angst galore!



Brilliant as always OTK

 

Thank you, Ginger! Next part...here we go!

~~~~~~~~

Qui-Gon succeeded in getting Obi-Wan into his sleep clothes and then into bed. He?d vomited twice between the time they walked in the door until Qui-Gon got him cleaned up and settled in bed. The boy still smelled like whatever he?d been drinking, but Qui-Gon was content enough to leave him as he was until morning. No point in moving him around anymore than necessary.

Once in bed and curled up on his side, Obi-Wan looked at his master through half-closed eyes. He took in a deep breath and let it out, sighing deeply. ?Sorry, Master. Should be stronger.?

The bed sagged slightly as Qui-Gon sat next to his apprentice and put a hand on his arm. ?It?s all right, Obi-Wan. We?ll talk about it tomorrow. Rest now.?

?It?s not fair that he had to die. Why did it happen, Master?? His head pounded as he asked a question that he knew had no answer.

?I don?t know. It was an accident. There is no reason for it.?

?My head hurts.?

?I know.?

?Hurts here too.? He clumsily tapped his chest.

?I know it does.? Qui-Gon?s heart ached at the actions and words of his apprentice.

?Make it stop,? he pleaded.

?I wish I could, Padawan. Lay your head back. I want you to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.?

Obi-Wan shook his head. ?Not gonna feel good tomorrow, Master. Ky will still be gone.?

Nodding sadly, the older Jedi placed a soft hand on the young man?s forehead and slowly sent him into a deep sleep. ?Tomorrow, Obi-Wan. Tomorrow.?

Before he turned in for the night, Qui-Gon put a call into Bren to let her know that things were okay. Then he took one last check on Obi-Wan. Satisfied that the boy would most likely sleep through the night, he headed for his own room.

~~~~~~~~

Morning broke and with it brought a very hung-over apprentice. Qui-Gon allowed him to sleep later than normal, but woke him at mid-morning. A late breakfast was prepared and the master forced Obi-Wan to sit at the table and eat something. The actual action of sitting upright was not to Obi-Wan?s liking in the least, but he knew he?d be paying for what he?d done to himself the previous night.

?You look terrible, Padawan. Pleased with yourself??

?Master, please. I feel bad enough already. I don?t know why I did what I did. It was stupid. I?ve had friends die before, why is this so different? I shamed Ky?s memory by making a fool of myself. I?m sorry.?

?It?s different because Ky was just beginning his journey. We are supposed to be safe here. Confined within the walls of the temple. Nothing to fear. Ky and the others who died had no choice in what they were being asked to do. A training exercise should be just that. No one could have foreseen this accident. There was a faulty starting mechanism in the ship that the initiates were training on. When the pilot ignited the engine, part of the engine detonated causing a large explosion. The three initiates standing closest to that part of the engine were killed instantly. The others and the pilot, as well as Master Yoda?most escaped serious injury. It was an accident, Obi-Wan. It was an accident.? Qui-Gon had placed a plate of bland food in front of his apprentice and encouraged him to eat. ?It?s just toast with bara jelly. Eat.?

?Master??

?Don?t argue with me. I know you don?t feel well. I know that your head is probably pounding right now. And I know what Ky?s death has done to you. But you have to take care of yourself. If Taash hadn?t found you and let me know that you were okay??

?I just didn?t want to deal with anything or anyone. I needed to deal with this on my own.? He took a bite of the toast and held his head as he chewed the small bite slowly.

Qui-Gon nodded and replied, ?Yes, I see how you?ve dealt with it.?

The irritation he sensed from Qui-Gon immediately set something off in the boy, and he lashed out. ?I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me? This is why I didn?t come home. I didn?t need to hear your lecture on how to deal with d

 

Well, here's the conclusion for anyone still out there reading! Thanks!

~*~

The door chime sounded and Qui-Gon was greeted by the friendly face of Taash Evram.

?Good morning, Master Qui-Gon. I wanted to see how Obi-Wan was holding up this morning. Is he doing okay??

?I think he?s learned his lesson and won?t abuse his body in the same way again. And he?s discovered that drinking himself into oblivion solves nothing. The same pains that existed?do not fade away so easily.?

?Is he around? Would he mind some company for a while??

?He?s getting cleaned up. To be honest, Taash, I don?t think he?s up to seeing anyone right now. Let him get past the worst of what he?s done to himself then we?ll see where we stand with all this. I do appreciate your concern. It means great deal to me and I?m sure to Obi-Wan as well.?

Taash nodded in understanding, said his goodbye and left the apartment. Not to long after, Obi-Wan appeared from the shower looking cleaner and smelling better. Appearances being deceiving, he slid himself on to the couch and into a horizontal position. His pounding head sinking into two pillows. He closed his eyes in pain and practically begged for this feeling to be over. A familiar presence closed in on him and pushed a cup of warm jennaroot ale into his hand.

?Master, I don?t want any disgusting miracle hangover cure. Just let me sleep for a while,? he groaned.

?It?s not specifically for your hangover. It will however help with the nausea that you feel when you stand up or move to fast. I want you to sip on it. Trust me, it?s not some horrible tasting concoction that I made up just to make you feel worse. This will help you feel somewhat better. At least your stomach. I?m afraid that I have nothing that will stop the throbbing in your head.? Qui-Gon helped Obi-Wan adjust his position so that he was partially upright. Enough so that he could drink the ale. ?Drink it slowly. It?ll be more effective that way.?

A short nod and Obi-Wan sipped the orange liquid. Despite what his master had told him that the taste was not bad, the boy was somewhat surprised that it tasted as good as it did. He hadn?t expected it. ?This is good, Master. Why have you never told me about this drink before??

?Because you never needed it before. Now, do you have the energy to talk to me about why you did this??

Obi-Wan closed his eyes as the thumping in his head increased slightly. ?You know why.?

?Ah, yes,? the big master sighed as he sat back in the chair across from his apprentice. ?Ky?s death. Tell me why you chose this method to heal your problems. Why did you not turn to the Force?or turn to me or another friend?? He knew Obi-Wan was in no mood to get into this type of discussion right now, but Qui-Gon pressed him anyway.

?I don?t know. I wasn?t thinking. I suppose I was feeling sorry for myself and turned to what was easiest at the time.?

Qui-Gon watched as the young knight sipped more of the ale and then laid his head back against the cushions. He could sense the pain and hurt emanating from his student and felt for him. But he questioned him further. ?Why were you feeling sorry for yourself? You should have been feeling for Ky. He is the one lost. He and the other two initiates. But you felt the need to pity yourself??

?No, no, no.? His head rolled back and forth as he said the word over and over. ?I didn?t mean it that way, Master. I just??

?Yes, you did. You lost someone close to you. Another person close to you. Why does the Force feel the need to treat you this way? Right? Why does it keep stealing from you? Why does it continue to force it?s pain onto you??

For a few moments, Obi-Wan said nothing. He simply stared into his master?s deep eyes as if looking for an answer that he did not have. Qui-Gon was right. Those were the questions Obi-Wan had been asking. Why did the Force choose to pick on him? Why did it choose his friends to hurt? His friends to die?

And when he didn?t reply, Qui-Gon did. ?Would you w

 

Well I thought this was great As always. No one writes angst and mush quite like you do

Poor Obi - not only does he have to deal with the loss of Ky but he has to put up with Qui-Gon's maddening perfect advice

Loved it OTK Can't wait for more of your stories!

 

Thanks for sticking with this one, Ginger! And for your kind comments! More stories to come!

Thanks for reading!

Obi

 

Hi! Just read this story. Really nice foreshadowing of events to come. It's interesting that the Force is preparing Obi-Wan from a young age to deal with loss and stick to duty; and that this is part of the lessons that Qui-Gon imparted to him. Had to have happened this way, right? How else can one explain the sheer determination with which old Ben stuck to his duty on the Tatooine desert when everything and everyone he had, was lost and long gone!

 

Well said, Forever Jedi! I agree. Obi has to have some very difficult times as a padawan to have given him such resilence. I think he gets part of his stubborness from Qui as well.

Thanks for reading! Much appreciated!

Obi

 

Great work Obi!!

 

Thanks Arwen!

 

I'm reading!

Lovely job handling all those emotions, OTK. I'm glad that you had Qui acknowledge that emotion is normal to feel.

Also glad to know you'll be writing more!

Shaindl

 

Thanks Shaindl! Yeah, I can't quite go for that 'there is no emotion' stuff that yoda spouts off. Must be because he's a troll.

THanks for reading!

Obi

 

UP!

 

I can't believe I didn't get to read this before now! [face_shocked] Once more, another amazing story. You write angst so well, you know that? I just love your stories, they are amazing. This was sad though. Poor Obi! But Qui was really nice and understanding in this, and I like that. Wonderful job as always, Obi!

 

Hi Jess! Good to see ya again! Thanks for reading and for the kind compliments!

I prefer the nice, yet caring version of Qui too!

Thanks!

Obi

 

UP!

 

YAY! *Applauds Madly* Wonderful as always Obi!

 

Thanks, Renton! Always great to hear from ya!