Before - Legends Fixed in Amber - Obi/Xan/Palpy/Dooku/Qui - heavy on the angst - Initial post

This is a beginning. It is only a beginning - of a story that is screaming to be started, but will NOT be completed quickly or soon. I am not coming back here, to continue this narrative, until I've finished at least one - maybe more - of the stories already in progress. In a way, it can qualify as a vignette, as it does have a beginning and an end - of sorts - but it is only the opening scene of what will probably turn out to be another epic - for, as anyone who reads my work knows, I have trouble writing anything else, having a real problem - with knowing when to SHUT UP!

As always, kudos to the mighty Bearded One, without whom none of us would have a place to play. To him, all things recognizably StarWarsian belong; I'm just poaching (a little) in the king's private preserve, and wish to assure him that it won't do any good to sue me - unless he has some deep-seated desire to see a grown woman cry.

And - to quote the Great One - away we go. (The poem, incidentally, is one of my own. Sometimes, the right quote just doesn't exist - so the writer has to create one that will fit.)

And before anyone can comment, I admit it; I wouldn't recognize a vignette from a victrola - so just don't bother complaining.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Fixed in Amber


by: CYNICAL21



Time, they say, is a spring-fed stream
That kneads the texture of our lives,
That blends and twists our memories,
Upon a tide that passion drives;
But time, I say, is more a strand
Of lustrous pearls, slipped loosely strung.
Upon a thread of happenstance,
And on a thorn of whimsy, hung.

But Time stepped out of line for you,
And swept you toward a separate place,
Leaving us with bitter truths,
Reflections of your smiling face;
The man that you were meant to be
Will surely never come to pass,
Your life that should have been, long gone
Where broken dreams now dwell, en masse.

One golden moment now recalled,
The ghost of what you were to me,
The promise of pale yesterdays,
The sweet repose of reverie,
Within the frame of words not said,
Fixed in amber grains of light,
I see what I could not see then.
Too late; too far. Now comes the night.




The Sanctuary Moon, in elliptic orbit around the mammoth sphere of Coruscant, was the kind of place that could spawn daydreams and idyllic fantasies in the minds of young men with a predilection for romance.

Not that Obi-Wan Kenobi would ever actually admit that he had such a tendency. Jedi padawans, after all, were expected to be models of common sense and level-headed pragmatism. Ideally, the urge to suspend disbelief and indulge in a weakness for woolgathering had been consigned to the dusty cupboards of childhood whimsy by the time the apprentice had reached senior status, having achieved the age of majority for his species. This was particularly to be desired when the woolgathering in question tended to be the kind that inevitably featured shapely damsels in distress, draped in clinging veils of translucent silk, swooning in the arms of noble knights riding to their rescue.

For young Kenobi, that transition - junior to senior - had come only recently - and he was still a little too fresh - too raw - to be entirely comfortable with allowing himself an occasional lapse. His birthday had come just sixteen days before, and his elevation to senior status had been automatic, given there was no one to oppose it - but, under the circumstances, there had been no ritual - no formal recognition of the promotion - and it still felt a bit uncomfortable for him.

He kept thinking that he should feel something. It was a major accomplishment in the life of a young Jedi - a place in which one could stand and look back and take some measure of satisfaction in having made it half-way through the path to knighthood. Of course, one must also turn and look ahead - and recall that the second half of the journey was almost certainly going to be much more difficult to navigate than the first - harsher, more demanding, filled with

 

Cyn that was amazing as usual! If you do continue this at some point I will be reading. Once again your characterisation of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon is superb, your descriptions so realistic that I was there and the angst level set high enough to stun!

 

That was absolutely spectacular. I almost felt as thought I was reading a prequel to froggie's Cub story.

 

hmm... Dark Xani, poor Obi, an already thick plot...must be a new Cyn story!

Amazing! ( do we really have to wait for more [face_jokingly_begging_but_understanding_cyn has no_free_time}

 

I'll be waiting for when you can get back to this, CYN. I love all your fics, and this one is just as well done.

I like the inclusion of all these shady characters surrounding Obi-Wan, and that Qui-Gon realizes that he had allowed a darkness into his and Obi-Wan's lives after Tahl's death.

For Qui-Gon Jinn, no place would ever be ?home? again.

That's so sad.

And Obi-Wan's distress over the bond dwindling to a training bond, and the damage to their relationship. So much angst already.

If Qui meets up with Obi-Wan again - which I have a feeling they will - there is going to be a change in Obi-Wan. That should be interesting. Makes me cringe a little thinking of what Xanatos and those Dathomir witches might do to Obi-Wan. Xanatos is his usual arrogant self, thinking he can easily control Obi.

So many things are 'automatic' for Qui-Gon that he, in a sense, forgets that Obi-Wan is gone. Very realistic. I wonder if he ever found those beads that Obi-Wan refused to put in his braid himself.

You always write such beautiful visually descriptive passages. And the description of Obi-Wan lying on the rocky precipice. I love this description:

He was right; he didn't look Jedi. He looked . . . incredibly young - and stunning, bathed in the gentle glow that managed to penetrate the delicate mist around him, a glow that struck coppery highlights in his hair, and illuminated the pearlescent quality of the skin of bare, well-muscled arms and torso, and an almost perfectly symmetrical face, touched by the pale stubble on his chin and cheeks that spoke of forgotten depilatory; soft light that contrasted pale shadow across the planes and angles of a well-sculpted body, and caused the golden sweep of thick lashes to flutter and lift, exposing eyes that blended strokes of emerald and sapphire and aquamarine.

I feel like I'm just blabbering on, but I want you to know how much I appreciate your stories and how much they entertain me and have helped to mold my ideas of writing and how a story should be. Thanks for all the hard work you put into them. I'll try to be patient with this one until you can get back to this.

 

Cas re the beads. Go back and reread the last part, where Qui-Gon is musing. I edited one section, to include what I had forgotten.

Thanks to all for the lovely remarks. I am now knee-deep in trying to re-immerse myself into the universe of Songs - but I'll stop in here again tomorrow, for more in-depth responses - I hope.


CYN

 

Ah, that explains it. I copied the post earlier today and read the copied version. Needless to say, I didn't reread it before I posted my reply.

Thanks for pointing that out to me.

 

Magnificently written, CYN. You think my stories are depressing??? The emotion I get from reading your stories--I think you're the only person other than myself who makes me wish for a story in which everything was right, Qui-Gon didn't act like Mr. Blockhead and actually behaved like Obi-Wan's Master and Obi-Wan was the happy Padawan that he deserved to be. I feel so sorry for the poor kid. *Sigh* - I think these stories are managing to worm their way into my life. If I don't find a break from them, I'm going to end up having Obi-nightmares.

Anyway, enough about that. The story was fantastic and terrible as usual. Obi-Wan's thoughts over the "loss" of the training bond he shared with Qui-Gon is heart-breaking. That Qui-Gon actually loves Obi-Wan but cannot show him that - meaning that this entire mess could easily have been prevented had the Master been...better equipped with his mouth - is jarring my mind like nails on blackboard.

I don't know whether I'm happy or unhappy that you're going to be continuing this sometime in the future. I want to read the story but I don't know if I can bring myself to see Obi-Wan through all that loss and pain again.

One day - I'm going to sit down at my computer and dream up a story in which the only unhappiness in Obi-Wan's life is something mundane but still is interesting enough to make a story worth writing. That day is going to have to wait until tomorrow, however. Anyway...

I suppose I should be happy that Anakin isn't in here. Don't know what I would have done if he started rearing his ugly head as well (not that he has an ugly head ).

VERY well done. I'll stop rambling now.

Aunecah

 

DaaaahhhhHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I'm going to whine. Not fair! I wanted more!



Beautiful imagery Cyn. One thing that often strikes me about many fanfics is their lack of description...this is certainly not one of them. Absolutely beautiful and stunning in your attention to detail.

Excellant to in the feelings and characteristics portrayed in each character. I liked how Xanatos wasn't dead as I never felt that his dying, let alone the way that he died, was the right thing for him to do.

Definitely bookmarking this one and checking sometime in the future for more.

Kithera

 

That was so sad it took my breath away CYN. I know how busy you are with your other wonderful stories, but I certainly look forward to the day you can continue this one.

 

Yesssss....I've found it. Good thing I checked this section.

**starts reading**

Eh, might as well 'up' it, since I can't read it online.

 

Heavy on the angst? Now why doesn't that surprise me?

 

**gags**

Ug. That was so perfect, it made me sick.

That was such a phenomenal post, CYN. [face_shocked]

Obi-Wan's characterization was flawless, of course. It was heartbreaking, and a great detail, that he checked twice for defaults in the communicator. The fact that he wore his shabbier clothing (holes in the knees... ) was realistic and, to me anyway, endearing.

When I saw the names included in the subject bar, I knew this had to be interesting, and I wasn't let down at all.

The inclusion of Xanatos, Dooku and Palpatine was genius. Despite the fact he's evil, and has dark plans for Obi-Wan, I can't quite keep from liking Dooku. He has this class and elegance about him that you've described wonderfully here. And Palpatine is just plain wicked. Each villain's dialogue was so in keeping with their character. Xanatos remains the dark, but wounded, man he's been in the past. It's so refreshing to read him written more fleshed out than...well... a 'certain' other author would have done.

Obi-Wan's devotion to his Master and Qui-Gon's hesitance toward his Padawan is once again done with emotional style.

This line nearly killed me it was so sad:

He had been on his way home, and had realized, somewhere in the course of the journey that had taken him across the galaxy, that ?home? had come to mean the place where his padawan awaited his return.



When Qui-Gon wonders if his Padawan could relax his sore muscles, only to realize moments later that he is gone, it's searingly tragic, and again, realistic.

The only thing I DESPISE about this post is the fact that it had to end. Can you say 'cliffie'?

Oh well...I guess there are a few other fics of yours to satisfy my Obi-Wan thirst til then.

But I can't wait til you get back to this.

What a beautiful beginning.

LE

 

Yowsa! I found a new Cyn fic and it has not only Obi but Xan as well! * reads first post.*

For the love of pete Cyn ! What have you gone and done to my Xan ?

* runs off sobbing *

 

OK - as promised, individual response time is upon us. And you probably all know that I'm notorious for NOT doing this as faithfully as I should - but I do want to assure every one of you that I - like every other writer - adore the fact that you expend the time and energy to review my work, and I'm an ungrateful cretin for not responding more often - BUT, in my own defense - with what is only an explanation, not an excuse - I'm like that fabled white rabbit - forever late, with no time for anything but running. Never doubt for a moment that you are appreciated.

Sabe - glad you appreciate the characterizations. Although I spend a lot of time on descriptive detail, it's the heart of the characters that I really want to explore - and yes, it WILL continue - but it'll be a while, I'm afraid.

Kitara - what a perfectly lovely thing to say. Though my direction (unless I change horses in midstream - which remark BTW is remarkably appropriate to the place we're going) will be very different from the scope of froggy's epic, it's a delight to even be considered in the same thought.

Phoenix - Dark Xani? My dear, you have no idea what 'dark' can be - yet.

Cas - yes, I'm trying to approach Qui from a slightly different perspective this time. I have tended in the past to write him almost 'larger than life' - emphasizing certain aspects of his character while ignoring others. This time, I hope to get it right - with a more balanced approach - and, at the same time, to illustrate the truth of that old adage about how we all take things for granted, and never appreciate what we have - until we don't have it any more.

Aunecah - thanks for the kudos, and yep, you're right - no Ani here, at least, not a recognizable Ani. Not yet, anyway. And, as for Obi and the inevitable angst, if I told you that he isn't in for some heavy-duty trauma, you wouldn't believe me - but I think I CAN assure you that it won't be the kind you might expect - and he might even discover that there ARE other things in life, beside the Jedi order. We'll see - for, in truth, I myself don't know yet just where it's going, beyond a general sense of direction. I write the way Anakin flies - by instinct.

Kit - I have many, major flaws, and am still learning my craft, even after a lifetime of scribbling - but one thing my fics will NEVER lack is a wealth of detail. In fact, given half a chance, I'll detail you TO DEATH. But I'm glad you enjoyed it - and I will write more when I can. But this one, I think, is going to prove to be a jealous mistress, requiring a lot of concentration, and not at all happy to share center stage with any other WIP!

Sheila - sad is my middle name!

f_o_w -

LE - you know, I've almost come to the conclusion that writing villains is more fun than writing Obi! They're so deliciously dark, and yet, they must still exhibit human characteristics, frailties, and even charms. Otherwise, they're just caricatures. I mean, consider the great villains of filmdom. Think of Hannibal Lector - a really gruesome piece of work, but urbane and witty, elegant and charming, all at once - and much more menacing because of it. I think there'll be some surprisingly different facets to my villains in this piece.

o_e - what can I say? This is not your mother's Xani - or yours either. You have created a whole new persona for Qui's fallen apprentice - a totally luscious persona BTW - and I wouldn't even attempt to recreate him in the image you've formed. No - MY Xan is NOT going to be a misunderstood, misguided young rebel with a heart of gold; MY Xan is going to be a real creature of darkness - but very beautiful, nonetheless - and, perhaps, not entirely immune to the influence of . . . well, I think I'll just shut up for now. Don't want to give too much away, do we?

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing. I really wanted to get this posted, because it just nagged at me until I could do so - but I probably should include a w

 

you know, I've almost come to the conclusion that writing villains is more fun than writing Obi! They're so deliciously dark, and yet, they must still exhibit human characteristics, frailties, and even charms. Otherwise, they're just caricatures. I mean, consider the great villains of filmdom. Think of Hannibal Lector - a really gruesome piece of work, but urbane and witty, elegant and charming, all at once - and much more menacing because of it. I think there'll be some surprisingly different facets to my villains in this piece. >>

"You don't know the power of the Villain Side... Only now do you understand my Palpatine fixation"



-Tim (reading the next 2/3, at which point he will actually comment on the story)

 

but very beautiful, nonetheless - and, perhaps, not entirely immune to the influence of . . . Hum. Do I sense some bonding on the horizon? Let's be real, you are writing him, do you truly think I would let a little bit of ugly on him scare me off? Bad Xani, good Xani, he's simply too delicious to resist! Can't wait for more!

 

Wonderful as usual, Cyn...



You captured Obi-Wan's turmoil and sacrifice beautifully, but somehow I have a feeling that when you do continue this (and I, for one, will be waiting!), Obi-Wan's part in all this won't be anywhere near over!

I can't wait for more from you, Cyn!

 

Note to self: Pay more attention to the disclaimers at the beginning of Cyn's posts.

That said, you stopped there?!?!? I have this depressing feeling that I will be back at IU before we get another post... but it will be worth it whenever it comes. Your Obi is your typical Obi... sacrificial to the end. I like your unholy triumvirate as well. They compliment each other, each slimy to his own ends but using the others for the common goal of Jedi (specifically Qui-Gon, at least in two cases ) eradication. But I can't wait to see this pan out! You're writing my favorite version of Qui-Gon, depressing as it is! He love Obi! I know it! He was trying to do his best, regardless of the epic failure it was! *ahem* Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox and settle in for a long wait.

 

Good evening, Chums. Once more, my deepest thanks for the kind responses here; I am always gratified to know that my efforts meet with someone's approval.

However, I have noticed that there is a veritable eruption of what I can only categorize as mean-spirited verbage on these boards lately - and an awful lot of shoulders carrying world-sized chips. Maybe it's just me; maybe I'm letting things that impact on real life color my perceptions - but I find the trend to petulance and offense-taking to be alarming, to say the least.

Nevertheless, my faithful readers, I could not ask for better responses or reviews, and I will always remember and appreciate your kindness. As I said up front, updates on this story will not come quickly - but, when they do, I will be certain to let you know where to find them.

Thanks again.

CYN

 

No, it's not just you, CYN.

I've noticed it too, at least since the beginning of this month. People are creating threads (in different, non-fanfic sections) that are just plain mean-spirited, and I have to shake my head at them. I'm just thankful there are a lot of positive people around here, including you, of course, who offer wonderful stories and encouraging, helpful replies.

Hope everything's going great for you.

LE

 

That's it? You left it THERE? [face_shocked] But.....you can't!!! We need more!!

And yes, that was me whining. Blame it on my social psychology professor who keeps telling us that we need to define everything -since words have different meanings to different people.

Seriously, I love how you've brought in everyone...I always did wonder how much Xani and Dooku would have gotten along if they'd known each other.

And I think none of us mind if this turns into one of your epics

 

As always, my sincere gratitude to those of you who drop in here and take the time to comment and give encouragement. You're the best audience a writer could hope for.

However, this post is to advise that I've decided to lock this thread. Since there will be no additional chapters to this story for quite sometime, there's little point in trying to keep it in the current logs. And, if anyone really wants to comment or question - or whatever - they can find it on ff.n, under my name, where it should be easy to access. Also, I plan to post almost all of my work in the Library section at Soul of the Jedi - where I think it might be a better fit.

I will probably also transfer other WIP to those sites - including Door - but, for the moment, Freeze Frames will continue to be posted here; it's just too massive to attempt to reformat it all, and move it. Like all my work, it WILL be finished - eventually. I don't plan to leave anything unresolved - although there are no promises about when - or how.

For my loyal readers, roses, caviar, Godiva chocolates - and magnums of champagne. You guys have been the very best.

Ciao.

CYN