Before - Legends Letting Go (AU) - Xanatos - Complete - Author Replies 9/5

Title: Letting Go

Author: Bekah_K (a.k.a. bek)

Genre: AU

Timeframe: Xan - 19 / Obi - 9

Summary: Follow-up to Caught in the Undertow, from Xan's POV

Characters: Qui-Gon, Xan, Obi-Wan, OC's

Disclaimer: The characters (Qui-Gon, Xan, and Obi-Wan) belong to Lucas and Watson. I make no profit from this. It's just a hobby.

Note: It is not necessary to read Caught in the Undertow in order to understand the events in Letting Go. Also, Briggs, Hanna, and Kyle are my character inventions for this fic.

Thanks to Linkin Park for the title - from their song Easier to Run.


Letting Go


Chapter One

I?ve been gone for thirteen years. Contact with the people who meant the most to me was often sporadic at best. When I let go of my past life, I thought it best to distance myself from everyone that I held close; foolishly thinking that it would somehow lessen the discomfort of not being around them. There is one, however, that I remained close to, my brother, but for the first seven years he thought I abandoned him, until I convinced him otherwise.

And now, I?m returning for a funeral. Looking out the portal at the white lined stars of hyperspace, I remember the life I let go of. But, I also remember the reasons why.

~ ~ * ~ ~

I jog the quickest route to the lecture/lab hall, the shortcut embedded into my mind from plenty of practice oversleeping and having next to no time to arrive to class. Rounding the corner, I catch site of my best friend.

?Kit, wait up! Do you have the notes from Astrophysics?? Slowing to a fast walk to try to slow my breathing, I catch up with my best friend and try repeatedly to snatch his data pad from the stack of books in his arms in order to retrieve today?s lesson.

?You know, Xani, you really should get to bed earlier. I think Master Tripp will have a fit if you miss another class,? Kit casually replies, while slapping my hands away from his stack of books.

?Yea, well I would, but Master seems content on making me work the kinks out of the kata I?ve been learning,? I answer, my features twisting into a grimace at the still aching muscles in my arms and back.

?If you?ll wait until I can find a place to set these down, I?ll give you the notes,? Kit pleads. ?Come on, Xani, you?re going to make me drop them.

?Sorry, Kit, there?s not much time before the next class. You don?t have any classes after next hour and with the practice schedule Master currently has me on I won?t be able to hang out later, so I need to get them now,? I apologize, helping him to set his load on a table in the alcove. After setting the books down, Kit quickly makes through them and hands me the ones I need.

?Which kata are you and Master Jinn working on?? Kit eyes me suspiciously. It?s somewhat uncommon for a Master to become a kata slave driver - so to speak - unless the Padawan has reached a higher level where continual Master supervision - interference as we like to call it - is mandatory.

?Nineteenth level,? I reply absently, looking over the freshly saved notes on my data pad.

?Nineteen!? Kit responds, his eyes widening.

?Yes, nineteen. Why?? I answer, confused by his reaction. I?m not the first, nor will I be the last, Padawan to reach level nineteen.

?I?m only on level seventeen. My Master feels my defense is lacking and until I can get it up to speed, I won?t be moving up any time soon.?

?Well, if you ever want to spar let me know and I?ll help,? I offer, as I gather my books together to leave for class.

?I may just take you up on that. Bye Xani,? Kit bids farewell and hurries down the hall.

Turning down the hall leading to my next lesson, my gaze is caught and held by a pair of blue-gray eyes. He smiles a shy ?hello? and walks past with his friends. A spark of something in the back of my mind seems to flair and then quiet. Shaking my head to clear it, I glance back over my shoul

 

Woohoo! Are Obi-Wan and Xani bonding?

I haven't read the other story. Must go back and do that now.

 

Yeah! You're finally posting it! Wonderful beginning and a clever way to draw us in.

 

Interesting!

Loved the interaction between Kit and Xanatos.

 

definately interesting.

 

Xanatos_son_of_Crion:

Woohoo! Are Obi-Wan and Xani bonding?

I haven't read the other story. Must go back and do that now.

Possibly! Thanks for reading!


obi_ew:

Yeah! You're finally posting it! Wonderful beginning and a clever way to draw us in.

Thanks! I wasn't sure about it when I scrapped the original beginning, but now I'm glad I did. This one seemed more appropriate.


Emma_Kenobi:

Interesting!

Loved the interaction between Kit and Xanatos.

Thank you, I was hoping for that reaction. With this being my 2nd fic, I wasn't sure how to write Kit, and I'm still learning about Xan.


Seraphena:

definately interesting.

Thanks! I just hope it remains interesting!

 

I hope that's not all!!!! Good beginning. I liked that Xan was captivated by Obi. Keep up the good work....

 

dianethx:

I hope that's not all!!!! Good beginning. I liked that Xan was captivated by Obi. Keep up the good work....

No, that's not all! I wrote the first two chapters so they would sort of relate back to Caught in the Undertow. After that, it goes off in its own direction. Thank you for reading and for the encouragement!


~Bek

 

Very promising opening chapter. Hmm, I don't recollect having read your original story (i.e., the one you referenced above), but maybe I've been missing out on some awfully good writing.

Thx for sharing this.

 

This post is a bit long, but I couldn't find a good place to separate it.



Chapter Two

Entering the Room of a Thousand Fountains, I stop inside the foyer and drink in the beauty and cleansing smells of the most exquisite garden in the Temple. The trees tower over the landscape, just below the elevated glass ceiling. This garden holds every imaginable flower a person can think of, from Naboo as well as other planets. The various Jedi teams that go on missions, when time and situation permits, tend to bring back an assortment of flowering species to be planted and tended to here in the Temple garden. The numerous colors of the different species of plants, give this particular garden an air that the other gardens in the Temple don?t have.

Slowly making my way over to the niche near the waterfall, the sound of children playing in the spring drifts on the breeze. Not wanting to disturb them, I sit down on the nearest bench that will allow observation without awareness or intrusion. Watching them splash around, and dunking each other every chance they get; brings back memories of when Kit, Kara, and I use to swim and play here.

The thought of Kara brings up an unwelcome memory. Three years ago, she and her Master were on a mission to Rori. They got caught in crossfire against more troops than two Jedi could handle, not to mention being backed into a dead end with no way out but the entryway. Master Qui-Gon and I were sent to help. Kara took a blaster bolt through the midsection; the life of one of my best friends was lost.

?Master, can?t we make this bucket go any faster?? I impatiently pace in front of him, as much as this cockpit will allow, wringing my hands together as if that will somehow make this feeling in my stomach subside.

?Calm down, Xani. We?ll arrive in 20 standard minutes. Until then, may I suggest you meditate? You won?t do anyone any good in this state, Padawan,? Master gently responds, sending warmth and understanding about the situation we?re going into over our bond.

I drink in the support he offers, and take him up on his advice to meditate. Returning to the common area of the ship, I fold my knees beneath me and rest my hands upon my thighs, the Force surrounds and fills me. Unconsciously I reach for Kara. The battle she and her Master are engaged in comes forefront in my mind. Whether it?s happening present, past, or future, is difficult to decipher. Kara is hit with a blaster bolt, and I cry out. Feeling strong, supportive arms wrap around me, and a familiar voice soothing me, I awaken from my meditation and find myself staring into my Master?s compassionate gaze. This isn?t the first time he?s had to pull me out, when I?ve fallen too deep into my meditations. My eyes swell with tears, and I look to him for understanding of what I saw. A slight nod tells me that he knows of the vision, even if he doesn?t have the answers I need at this moment.

?We?re here Xani, we need to go,? Qui-Gon quietly interrupts the silence, the weariness creeping into his eyes tells me that he senses something terrible may happen.

Opening the hatch, we cautiously make our way down the ramp. Reaching the ground, we scan the area through the Force to get a position on Kara and her Master?s whereabouts. Unable to get a clear reading, we start heading North toward the last known coordinates that were sent to us over the nav computer.

Rounding the corner to the market place, blaster fire suddenly erupts out of thin air, or so it seems. Master pulls me back, and ignites his lightsaber. He steps out into the chaos deflecting bolt after bolt.

/ Xani, go up ahead, I sense Master Zohn and Kara nearby, hurry! /

I didn?t have to be told twice. Taking off at Force enhanced speed through the ricocheting blaster fire, trusting my Master to deflect the bolts away from me, I run towards Kara?s Force presence.

Turning down the street at the far end of the market and coming to a sudden stop, my eyes widen at the display being played out in front of me.

Master Zohn and Kara are trapped, being

 

lurkalidth:

Very promising opening chapter. Hmm, I don't recollect having read your original story (i.e., the one you referenced above), but maybe I've been missing out on some awfully good writing.

Thx for sharing this.

Thank You! The original one was in answer to the Obi Challenge Thread that obi_ew started. I took that rather long vig, and decided to try my hand at Xan's POV.

 

Poor Xan! Just goes to show that everyone has tragedies in their past that help shape who they later become. And I wonder what he and Obi are going to discuss?

 

So Xani hung out with a trio just like Obi-Wan and his friends, two boys and one girl. Seems they have something in common.

Great post Bekah_K!

 

The Kobi scene is coming up! I loved your Obi-Wan challenge post, Bekah, so I can't wait to see it from Xan's POV

 

oh wow, lovely description. I especially love the way it flows and of course about one of my favorite characters.

 

Loved the way the flashback was able to fill in some of the blanks in Xan's life. Poor guy. So he's going to talk to Obi...about what I wonder?

Good job. Keep going!

 

obi-ew: As if you didn't already know!

Emma_Kenobi: Thanks!

JadeSolo: Thanks! Xan's POV isn't that different, but hopefully it pleases.

Seraphena: mine too!

dianethx: That's what I was aiming for - to put some insight into his background, and to show that he wasn't so different from everyone else. Thank you!


Note: This chapter wasn't originally written in, but after reading your responses, I decided to add it. The conversation aspect isn't that much different, but it comes from Xan's POV.


Chapter 3

Entering the locker room, I proceed to the showers. Placing my tunic on a nearby bench, I remove my workout pants and head into the shower stall. Turning the water on and increasing the temperature until steam surrounds me, I lean forward toward the wall bracing myself with one hand. The heat and pounding of the water relaxing worn and tired muscles as it cascades down my shoulders and back.

The kata?s coming along. Master should approve of the improvised moves I?ve incorporated into it, they?re effective, if not a bit over exertive. If I could only get that last fragment to work right, the kata would be complete. But the aerial flip I?m trying to integrate doesn?t allow it to flow, leaving an opening for an opponent to strike, and the landing leaves something to be desired. Whatever Jedi thought up the idea of teaching Padawans a new kata, just to have them incorporate moves from previous katas to make it more effective should have had their head examined. It?s as if they want us to invent something new.

A deep sigh of contentment escapes. Contentment? Where?d that come from? Contentment is something I haven?t felt in a long while. Not that I?m not happy, or that I don?t enjoy life, but the feeling of being content just isn?t something I?m use to. Pushing the thought aside to review later, I rinse the soap from my hair and body, and lean into the water one last time to allow the heat to penetrate deep into my overworked muscles. Reluctantly pulling back and turning the water off, I reach for a towel and begin drying the excess droplets that stubbornly cling to my skin.

A spark suddenly erupts in my mind immediately followed by a blinding brilliance in the Force. Casting a tendril I desperately search for the cause. An unknown, but welcome presence tentatively brushes against my mind. Discovering a fledgling bond, I cautiously travel its domain into a young boys mind. Standing on the outskirts of the bond so as not to intrude, I find he doesn?t even know the bond is there. The tentative contact was made unconsciously. Throwing the towel aside, I open my locker and pull out a clean set of clothing and dress quickly. What is it about this kid? I?ve been around Initiates my entire life, I was one for Force sake, albeit that was a while ago, but why does this one seem to be connecting with me? Feeling the protectiveness and the beginnings of affection toward this young one creep into my awareness, I shake my head. I do not need this. This is not going to be good for my image.

Back in the salle, I quietly observe as the kid performs several moves from his Initiate saber class. The kid?s got a gift for saber techniques, there?s no doubt about that. He turns and catches my gaze, waving him over, we both head toward the bleachers.

After speaking with him for several minutes, feelings of unworthiness, and uncertainty about being chosen as a Padawan make themselves known through the newly formed bond. Feeling concerned as to why he would be feeling this, I question his previous statement trying to get him to open up more. ?You don?t sound too sure, or too happy about it, for that matter.?

Waiting patiently for his reply, the rampant thoughts running through his mind escape little by little through the new bond. He unknowingly shows me first hand how years of being bullied have caused a rebelliousness to grow inside of him and fester. And that festered rebelliousness has only recently turned into an anger

 

Wonderful additions. Still love that nickname you thought of and thanks again for letting me steal it!

 

Great job! I love how Xanatos helps Obi-Wan with his saber training. And I still love the name 'Kobi.'

 

The interaction between Xanatos and Obi-Wan was touching...just enough nervousness about a new friendship mixed with a trust that neither could explain.

 

Love it!!! Xanatos is wonderful in your story. I love the whole conversation about anger and the fact that Qui-Gon is amused by xanatos using his same words. Can't wait to see what else is going to happen.

 

obi_ew: Me too! Thanks, and you're welcome!

Xeana: Thank you!

Emma_Kenobi: I'm glad that it came across so well. That's what I had in mind when I wrote it.

Seraphena: Thanks! I added the part about Qui-Gon overhearing the boys conversation after I inadverently said something to my son, and thought to myself that I had heard that somewhere before. Needless to say, my mother was standing right there when I said it and developed a big smile on her face.




Chapter 4

Three Years Later

Master and I have been assigned a mission to my home planet of Telos. Strange actually, Jedi aren?t allowed to visit their home planet until they?ve reached Knighthood. The council has been somewhat reserved concerning the reason for this mission, at least around me they have. I imagine they?ve informed Master Qui-Gon of more than he lets on.

?Xani, are you packed?? Master asks somewhat distracted, as he stands in the doorway trying in vain to hide the worried look on his normally placid features.

Something?s really got him worked up this time. I wish he would just tell me what the Council told him about this mission. ?Just about, Master, just one more thing I need to do before we leave,? I answer, stuffing the last of my tunics into my duffel bag. Picking up my lightsaber and hooking it to my belt, I make my way around Qui-Gon?s large frame and head to the front door.

?And what would this 'one thing' consist of, Padawan?? Master queries.

Pausing mid stride, I turn to find a knowing smirk on Master?s face. Dropping my duffel bag by the couch, I sit down and run a hand through my hair, brushing it out of my eyes. ?I need to say goodbye to Kobi, Master. He doesn?t do well when I don?t visit him before we leave on missions. Master Rand informs me that Kobi becomes restless, and has trouble paying attention in his classes; and when I return, it takes a week or two before he?ll even respond to me.? I lean back against the couch and look to Qui-Gon to make some sense out of this.

Shaking his head in mock exasperation, Master sits down beside me and leans back. ?Xani, every Initiate knows the dangers that come with missions, they don?t know the particulars, but they know that sometimes we don?t come back. Obi-Wan needs the comfort of knowing that if for some reason or other you don?t come back this time, there wasn?t anything left unsaid between the two of you. Does that help you to understand him a little better??

Nodding my head in affirmation, Master continues. ?You were the same way you know. When I would leave for missions, before taking you as my Padawan, you would show up at my door and block the exit until we talked,? he adds, a twinkle in his eyes at the memory of a stubborn raven haired boy with sapphire eyes, and an attitude full of arrogance and pride.

?I remember that. You left on a mission to Arbra and didn?t say goodbye. Master Windu brought you back on a stretcher; you were in the infirmary for a month. I remember sitting with you and daring anyone to try to make me leave. You almost died that time, Master,? I finish in a whisper.

Subtly wiping away the tear that fell during the recollection, I look up to find Qui-Gon staring at me with concern. ?Almost, Xani, but I didn?t. Think about it. We talked before that mission, and we said our goodbyes for the time being. On another note, there were some things left unsaid between you and Kara when she left, but you got the chance to be with her before she died. She was one of your closest friends. Now take that scenario, and put Obi-Wan in your place when Kara left. Go find him, Padawan, and talk to him,? he rises and offers me a hand up. Taking it, I stride to the door and palm the switch. Hesitating, I turn to look at Qui-Gon and see understanding in his eyes, ?Thank you, Master,? with that I left to find Kobi.

It?s been over an hour, and I can feel Master?s insistent probing through our bond that I return to our quarters. Kobi isn?t anywhere to be found. I?ve c

 

wonderful moment between Qui and Xan.

 

Uh oh! They can't find Obi-Wan? That does not sound good. I don't think Obi-Wan's gonna be very happy with Xanatos. Hope Xanatos can contact him when they're on the ship. Loved the memory of Qui-Gon in the healers ward and Xanatos daring anyone to make him leave.

 

I like that you portray Qui-Gon and Xan as having a close relationship.

Did something happen to Obi-Wan?