Saga Say It, I Dare Ya - Previously "In Love and Marriage" (Obi-Wan/Depa humor) Updated 01-19!!!!!!!

Title: Say It, I Dare Ya
Author: Aunecah_Skywalker
Timeframe: post-TPM (Obi-Wan's 27)
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Depa Billaba
Genre: Drama, romance, humor
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Depa Billaba go on a mission and come back married. They find out why exactly marriage is forbidden in the Jedi Order.
Keywords: AU. (Doesn't follow Prequels or the JA whatsoever.)
Notes: I got sick and tired of writing and reading stories in which Obi-Wan is tortured to an inch of death. So I decided to write something different.

Aunecah

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Chapter 1:

"What if I don't want to marry her?"

"You're already married to her whether or not you like it, Obi-Wan. All we're doing is making it public."

Obi-Wan Kenobi looked at Qui-Gon Jinn in dismay. They were walking down a wide hallway. It was late in the morning, though it hardly looked like morning thanks to the dark clouds that hung about the sky.

"I didn't mean to marry her," Obi-Wan said guiltily. He had been trying to make them understand that, but they just didn't seem to get it. "I didn't think there was more than one type of bond you could form."

"Yes, Obi-Wan, you already told us that," Qui-Gon said with a kind smile. "And we accepted that explanation already."

"You aren't getting it, Master," Obi-Wan said sadly. "There were six Sith Masters present. I just couldn't let them murder her. I tried really hard to find another way, but I didn't have enough time. I did the only thing I could think of. I couldn't hold onto her tight enough, she was slipping away, I thought a bond would help."

"I know, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Nobody is faulting you for what you did."

"I saw you doing it," Obi-Wan went on desperately. "You did it with Master Gallia to save her on Telos, and you two aren't married or anything. And when I asked you, you said you created a bond. I didn't know that you could create different types of bonds. Well, I knew that there was the Master-Padawan bond, but a Padawan can have only one Master at a time, so I was fairly confident that I wouldn't be creating another Padawan-Master bond with her or anything."

"It's something that's taught after you pass your Trials," Qui-Gon explained softly, "one of the few things that's taught after you pass your Trials."

"Why?" Obi-Wan asked curiously.

"Because creating a bond is a life-changing and permanent thing. We wouldn't want people to be bonding with friends or plants just because they feel like they need to show off their skills."

But this was the wrong thing to say at the time because Obi-Wan's face fell again.

"I simply didn't think that married people shared a bond through the Force," he said uncomfortably. "I mean, Bail and Saché are married, and I didn't feel any bond between them. I know lots of married people who don't share a bond. Master Ki is married several times. He doesn't have a bond with any of his wives."

"Master Ki married only to sire children, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. "He never loved any of his wives nor had any intention of loving them."

"I didn't mean to marry her either," Obi-Wan said quickly. "I don't love her. Not in that way."

Qui-Gon hugged him tightly around his waist. If there was one thing Qui-Gon learned during his years as Obi-Wan's Master, it was that when Obi-Wan got in his mind that he did something inexcusably wrong, there was no convincing him that what he did wasn't as horrible as he was making it out to be.

So he just let Obi-Wan continue babbling about nothing. Better out than in. Especially with Obi-Wan, who had the bad habit of keeping everything inside him until the boiling point.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Obi-Wan went on, starting to sound hysterical now. "I wasn't a Master. I shouldn't have trifled with things that I didn't know."

"And left Depa to die?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I could have found another way if I hadn't been so bent on the bond

 

"Oh." Obi-Wan blinked slowly. "Uhh...ummm...so she's asking me what kind of a wedding we're going to be holding because..." (Obi-Wan stared at the floor) "because we're going to be holding a wedding and...she wants to know what kind of a wedding we're going to be holding?"

*dies*

Oh, Aunecah, this is brillant! I loved Obi-Wan's worry and his reasoning behind it. It was just so him! Interesting plot here, I'm eager to see where this goes!

-Krystal

Edit: First reply!

 

Thanks KrystalBlaze. I have Chapter Two written already. It should be coming soon (like tomorrow morning).

Thanks for reading!



Aunecah

 

More? Tomorrow morning? *dances* Yippie!! Aunecah lives!!

 

Sorry! My sister kept the computer monopolized the whole day.

Here's the next part.

Aunecah

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Chapter 2:

Depa Billaba paced the floor in front of the speeder nervously. Obi-Wan was supposed to be here by now, but he wasn't, which made her wonder if he was coming at all. She hadn't been in the same room as he since returning from Ruusan and regaining her conscious. She didn't want to be in the Temple, surrounded by several highly perceptive Jedi Masters, when they finally stopped dodging each other. If they were stuck being married anyway, they might as well get a good solid foundation before the wedding.

But Obi-Wan hadn't come yet. What if he didn't come? She wasn't going to do any talking until she was a safe distance away from the Temple, which had all too many nosy people running amok.

He hadn't sounded too happy when she called him and asked if he would meet her in the docking bay. But he had told her that he would come. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was being silly. Maybe somebody stopped him on the hallway. Maybe his chrono was ten minutes late. Maybe he had fallen asleep. It felt ridiculous to think that he wasn't coming because he didn't want to see her.

Then again, that didn't stop her mind from imagining all sorts of horrible confrontations in which either Depa or Obi-Wan or both of them ended up storming out of the room, crying. She had negotiated a truce between planets that had been warring for centuries. She even knew how to call up an army of ghosts. But she had never dated a person before, and she had no idea what to do in such situations. The only good thing was, she supposed, Obi-Wan had never dated anybody either and therefore should be as lost as her. She hoped.

Finally, thankfully, the door to the docking bay opened. Depa wheeled around to look at the person entering. Yes, it was Obi-Wan. And yes, he was wearing his Jedi attire. She let out a deep breath, feeling as if a heavy weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She hadn't known whether to wear her sandy brown clothes or something else better suited for the purposes, but she felt that now might not be the best time to risk making a fool out of herself.

"Sorry I'm late," Obi-Wan said. He was panting slightly and his face was flushed. "I, umm, met Master Oppo on the way."

"No problem, these things happen," Depa assured him.

What she really wanted to do was rant about Master Oppo, but of course she couldn't. While it was hard to imagine anybody liking Master Oppo, he did somehow get enough votes to become a Council Master. Master Oppo definitely did everything within his power to trample Obi-Wan, but if for some unfanthomable reason Obi-Wan liked him, Depa didn't want to offend him.

"I didn't mean to intrude in your thoughts and thank you for your consideration, Master Billaba, but I can assure you that there is absolutely no love lost between us."

"I guess I shouldn't have been thinking so loud."

Obi-Wan tapped the side of his forehead with his forefinger three times and shook his head. Depa understood the sentiment only too well. Ever since Obi-Wan had married her on Ruusan eight months ago, they had been able to not only feel each other's emotions but also read each other's thoughts with crystal clarity. While feeling emotions was nothing new to Jedi, being able to read thoughts despite insanely high shields was something that neither of them was used to. It was a pesky annoyance at the best, but Depa had some thoughts that she would rather not share with Obi-Wan, the problem being she had no way of doing so other than not thinking about them, which was, of course, impossible.

And Master said things were just getting started? Depa swallowed hard as she pulled out the access key and activated the speeder. She couldn't imagine what other horrors awaited her in future.

"Where are we going?" asked Obi-Wan as he walked around the speeder and got in.

"I was thinking about Aromisec," Depa answered. "It's up on the Taratarra Avenue at the cross

 

hehehehehehehehehehe

 

Read it, love it, waiting for it!

Post more NOW!!! PPLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEE!

 

Thanks guys. More should be coming sometime today.

Aunecah

 

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Obi-Wan Kenobi took off his clothes and immersed himself in hot water. It was very late in the night (more like early in the morning). He and Depa had spent most of the evening and the night talking about what kind of a wedding they wanted to go through. Obi-Wan hadn't particularely cared, and he had told Depa as much, but she insisted that he give her some input, that she didn't want to shoulder the whole burden herself.

They had gone through what felt like practically every single wedding custom in the galaxy, but ended up rejecting most of them for one reason or another.

Kantana had sounded simple and fine until Depa mentioned the part about everybody laughing at the groom's expense. Yavin sounded interesting until she told him the particulars of the marriage. Bakura was just plainly strange. Obi-Wan hadn't even known until now that a Nigerse wedding constituted kicking each other's butt, or that in a Gotra wedding, the father of the bride was expected to lick the groom's fit until he said okay, I'll marry your daughter. (He would have been sorely tempted by that one if Depa's Master had been Oppo Rancisis.)

Of course, there were some customs that they couldn't even consider. There were many cultures in the galaxy that were homosexual, trisexual, quadrasexual, or even polysexual. Weddings in a male-dominated or female-dominated society reflected those customs. Creatures also came in all kinds of sizes and shapes, which meant that Obi-Wan and Depa would either be kneeling in swamps the ewok way or jumping from one tree to another wookiee-style. Then, there were places like Pittika in which wedding was nothing more than an excuse to get drunk and have sex. Finally, there was the whole issue with gods and symbolism.

They had finally settled on a Charlactan wedding. It sounded simple enough. Girl puts a ring on boy's finger, boy puts a necklace around girl's neck, they're married, end of story. It usually took only around one and a half hour, too, though Obi-Wan couldn't see why exchanging two pieces of jewelry should take anything more than thirty seconds. But besides Alderaanian wedding, which dragged on for seven days, and Alerian wedding, which took an impossible twenty days, Obi-Wan felt one and a half hour was fairly short.

Besides, by that time in the night (twelve o' clock), Obi-Wan had been sick and tired of discussing weddings. His concentration was wavering and his shields were tumbling (usually such high shields weren't necessary, but since he was around Depa, and the Force was a little confused about who was Obi-Wan and who was Depa...better safe than sorry). He had been ready to scream. And his conversation with Master Oppo had been dominating the forefront of his mind.

He frowned slightly now as he thought about the Thisspiasian. It was public knowledge that Master Oppo didn't like Obi-Wan ever since he and Oppo's apprentice had gone on a mission, and only Obi-Wan came back. Master Oppo was the only person on the Council who voted against making Obi-Wan a Jedi Master. While Obi-Wan couldn't understand why the Council promoted him directly from a Padawan to Master, he didn't find Master Oppo's objections very rational either.

He usually made a habit of ignoring the Thisspiasian, but Master Oppo was right. This time. Obi-Wan shouldn't have tried something he didn't know. How many times had Master told him not to trifle with the unknown? He was a Jedi. He had great power. With great power also came great responsibility. Master had tried to stress the importance of this little bit for quite some time, but Obi-Wan had just waved it away as another of those meaningless lectures that masters felt dutybound to give.

He sighed and sunk even lower in the tub.

When Obi-Wan got out of the refresher three hours later (six o' clock in the morning), he was thinking about nothing but bed. His cozy, comfortable bed. Well, he was also thinking about Depa.

It hadn't gone as bad as he had expected. He had thought her thoughts only a couple of times, and it looked like t

 

Well, this is kind of goofy, but fun. I keep tuning in to see what's going to happen next.

I don't know, though; I think Obi-Wan and Depa should do the Kashyyyk-style wedding. I can well imagine them leaping from tree to tree like Wookiees ... they could work together to bind a vine to a branch and then use it to get from one tree to the next. That would be a true case of "tying the knot," and a swinging honeymoon to boot.

 

Hee, hee. I seriously considered Kashyyyk style for a while, but then decided that Obi-Wan and Depa would rather not follow through Wookiee customs, especially after considering all that Wookiee wedding customs consist of.

Thanks Jane. Another update coming soon.

Aunecah

 

Sorry I am behind in replying. Work at CPA firm so I will be slow in replying but I am reading. This is a great story. I like the twist. Its very interesting.

 

Thanks CrystalKenobi!

Aunecah

 

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Chapter 3:

A huge crowd had gathered around the Jedi Temple. It was late in the night. Reporters from ten thousand different star systems stood with microphones to their mouths, babbling continuously in their native tongue. Supreme Chancellor Ken Palpatine, along with all his aides and guards, was present. When the holocam-droids weren't taking redundant pictures of the Jedi Temple, they were shooting Chancellor Palpatine from every direction. A couple of reporters looked like they wanted to ask him questions, but his formidable stature and the guards standing around him seemed to convince them not to near him right now.

Something had happened today morning that hadn't happened in close to a thousand years. The Jedi had officially called reporters from several major news stations (including the GalacticNews, HoloNet, Inner Chronicles, Rim World News, and WBB Today) to the Announcement Pavilion for a press conference.

Master Gallia, who was the chief Public Relations correspondent, was present, but she was refusing to answer any questions about this press conference or comment on anything at all. The only thing she had said since she came here (to stop the reporters from breaking in) was that Master Windu and Master Jinn would be arriving soon to make an official announcement.

The commotion of the reporters had drawn civilians here. The crowd swelled in the Announcement Pavilion until even the vast hall was reaching its capacity. There were hundred thousand beings here, more getting added every minute. The Pavilion started to quiet down a little as Chancellor Palpatine walked over to Master Gallia. His face was carefully neutral, but Adi could sense that something was worrying him. She frowned slightly.

"Master Gallia," Palpatine said warmly, holding out his hands.

Adi took them. "Chancellor Palpatine. I am surprised to see you here."

"The Jedi are Republic's only defense force, Master Gallia," said Palpatine. "Anything that they feel is important enough to make public is important enough for me to be present at in person."

The congregation had already lost interest. People were chatting with each other once more. Reporters were fighting over each other for spots.

"The Republic is fortunate to have a Chancellor like you," Adi said with a smile, a forced smile, for inside she felt unsettled. She let go of Palpatine's hands and looked around at the reporters. She would have to meditate on this feeling that was gnawing inside her chest. Palpatine seemed genuine enough...but there was something about him that Adi didn't like.

"So many reporters," said Adi, "and so many people. We didn't expect these many to come."

"Jedi have always been dear and near to people's hearts. I expect more would have come if the notice hadn't been so short."

"We didn't want any rumors circulating," Adi told him, her gaze still meandering through the crowd.

"Rumors? Master Gallia, I think you underestimate your own value."

"This is very important for us, Chancellor. We don't want to take any chances."

Some reporters were still shouting questions at her. She ignored them as was her habit.

"Then I have to say," said Palpatine, "that I am curious as to what this is all about."

Adi turned to him with a grin. "I expect your curiosity will be satiated soon enough, Chancellor, Master Jinn and Master Windu are here." With that, she turned around and went to greet the two Jedi Masters. Palpatine went back to stand where he had been. His face darkened as he regarded the three Jedi Masters, but nobody noticed that, for all eyes were on Master Jinn and Master Windu. The reporters started all over again.

"Any last minute bets?" Adi muttered to them.

"I don't have any money on me right now," Mace muttered back.

"He's just afraid that he'll lose," Qui-Gon informed Adi.

Adi chuckled. She patted Qui-Gon on his shoulder and took her place in the shadows, close to the door through which the two Jedi Masters had come. Qui-Gon and Mace walked forward, acknowledging Cha

 

Interesting story. Did you write another story that was the mission and this is a sequal?

 

No, Master_Ari. I might write a prequel (that talks about the mission), but this is the idea that I got and I didn't want to waste all my creative energies on the somewhat boring backstory.

Thanks for reading!

Aunecah

 

Hi. Next post should be coming soon.

Aunecah

 

Very interesting premise Aunecah_Skywalker. There aren't many Obi/Depa stories out there, its nice to see someone stretch their imagination so that we poor readers don't see the SAME story over and over again.

I can't wait to see how Obi and Depa continue to deal with their bond and the pressure now that the galaxy is in on it.


Master_Ari:
I think you are refering to a story posted here about a year ago. In that (sorry I can't remember the name or author, aren't I awful) Obi and Depa were on a misson before TPM and got amneisa. They had gotten married at some point and the story started with them on a ship to Naboo.
It had a promising start and like soooo many before it just faded into oblivion.

 

No. Just wondering if I had missed anything.

 

Hehehe. Amusing story. I like Obi-Wan's musings on the various wedding alternatives...he's very much a typical male in that respect (aka "let's just get the damn thing over with") LOL.

-Tim

 

"...Master Gallia will take all the questions." HA HA HA! And after all that work that Adi had, trying to make the press wait for Qui-Gon to tell the galaxy what was going on.

Had to laugh at the descriptions of the movies.

Now will they make it back to the Temple before they're found? Somehow, I don't think so.

 

Kendalina_Jinn: I always had a fascination with Depa's character. I also love Obi-Wan. I figured Obi/Depa story is just what I need to get Darth Writer's Block out of my life.

I think you are refering to a story posted here about a year ago. In that (sorry I can't remember the name or author, aren't I awful) Obi and Depa were on a misson before TPM and got amneisa. They had gotten married at some point and the story started with them on a ship to Naboo.
It had a promising start and like soooo many before it just faded into oblivion.

I wrote that one, too. Couldn't continue with it because IGN wouldn't let me log in for three months.

Master_Ari: Nope. You didn't miss anything. I'll write the prequel if I don't lose interest in the story-line after this, but like I said, it's pretty boring and cliche.

Timmy: I figured. Thanks for reading!

Jane: Yeah, poor Adi always get stuck with the press. Well, she's a Corellian and she's a politician. What can you expect? She has the charm.

Had to laugh at the descriptions of the movies.

That was an illusion to the kind of movies they show in the theater (but especially in the TV) in RL. I swear all the good movies come during finals. It's like they store the worst movies to the end of the year.

Now will they make it back to the Temple before they're found? Somehow, I don't think so.

You never know.

Anyway, sorry for not posting yesterday. Got busy with other things. I promise to post today, though.

Thank you everyone for reading!

Aunecah

 

hahhahhahhahhahhahhhahhhhaaahhahahahhhahha

 

LumiKuningatar: Thanks!

Aunecah

 

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"Damn it. They got here before us."

Several reporters were pushing each other around as they tried to get the speeder that Obi-Wan and Depa came in every angle they could. Some were jumping over other's shoulders to see if they could spot Obi-Wan or Depa. Holocam droids were whizzing around in the air and narrowly missing colliding each other.

As Obi-Wan and Depa watched, a reporter jumped up, his raised hand slammed into a holocam that was zooming in on the controls, apparently, the holocam further went and rammed into the speeder, the windshield broke, alarms began ringing. The reporters jumped back as if they had been shot. Security guards should be coming along soon enough.

Obi-Wan and Depa looked at each other, more worried than amused. The only option they had was a public transport. Obi-Wan doubted renting shops would be open this late.

They could call Master Qui-Gon or Master Mace or somebody, too, of course...

"Maybe we should turn around and leave before they see us," Depa suggested slowly.

The reporters were dissipating through the parking lot, which was returning to its mostly-quiet peace again.

"Maybe you're right. Let's take the backdoor through the theat?"

Somebody tapped on Obi-Wan's shoulder in a hesitant manner, with one finger. He turned around. The first thing Obi-Wan saw was the holorecorder and the holocam in his hand, and then he saw the boy with blue eyes and blond hair. He looked as though he had just won a billion diaterie lottery ticket.

"A picture, sir?" he asked in a low voice.

Here's a smart one, though Obi-Wan with a sigh. At least he wasn't making a racket and making everybody's lives, including his own, hell.

"No, thank you," said Depa.

"Just one," said the reporter. "My holocam comes built in with lighting adjustor. No flashes."

"No, we really don't..."

"Please?" the boy said. "I'll leave you alone. Just one. I promise not to ask any questions. My career depends on this."

"I don't know..." Depa said uneasily, looking up at him.

Obi-Wan could well understand her feeling. The boy's career might come to end if they don't pose for the picture, but if they did, the picture was almost guaranteed to end up coming out on screens in the most mutilated and vulgar form you would find. By the time anybody could attempt any damage control, the picture would have gone far and wide.

"All right, but only if the picture heads to press unchanged," Depa said finally. "And I really mean no change at all."

"Yes, Master Billaba!" the boy shouted in a joyfully shrill voice.

Obi-Wan slammed his hand into his forehead.

"Master Billaba? Master Kenobi! There they are!"

Reporters came running their way. Holocams blasted toward them. Obi-Wan just shook his head at the boy, who looked downcast and a step away from tearful as they started walking away.

"Why all the secrecy??"

"How do you feel about being the first Jedi to marry??"

"Why did you choose to marry??"

"How long has this been going on??"

"Are you guys dating??"

"No," said Obi-Wan, trying to elbow his way through the reporters and trying to stop the recorders from forcing their way into his mouth. "We just came here to watch movies."

"What movies did you??"

"What do you think about the degrading quality of??"

"?will you join GalacticNews for an??"

"No," Depa said sharply, "no interviews!"

"?what kind of a wedding are you??"

"?is there a Jedi style??"

"?did you guys kiss??"

"?did you do it??"

"NO," Obi-Wan and Depa shouted together.

"?will you do it after marriage??"

"?why is the Council agreeing for your marriage?"

"No comment."

"?why aren't any other Jedi marrying??"

"?why are you two marrying??"

"No comment."

"?Master Gallia wouldn't answer our questions?"

"?she said we should talk to you two?"

"?Naboo style, Master Kenobi? I heard it's a wonderful wedding?"

"?have you even decided what wedding??"

"Are you going along with Corellian wedding??"

"No comment!"

"?is it true t