Saga The Threat of Waking--Sequel to 'If I Were..." 7.13

The Threat of Waking
By LuvEwan
PG

Summary: Obi-Wan deals with the after-effects of prolonged captivity. Companion piece to 'If I Were To Close My Eyes'.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

*It isn't necessary to have read If I Were To Close My Eyes before reading this, although it is recommended for the full effect of the story, the impact events had on both characters. This does not begin in the same place as 'If?", since I think this is where the real story begins for Obi-Wan. *

This is dedicated, as always, to my readers. So many of you have become friends, and I think I will forever have a soft spot in my heart for Bill Cosby, spokesman for a certain wobbly dessert. (Hee hee.) I have to thank in particular some writers who have influenced my own perspective of Obi-Wan's character: Sheila, obi_ew, Lurkalidth, red, diane (and a bit for Qui-Gon, too!), Shaindl and of course, CYN. There are so many of you who always have me thinking and analyzing things, and as a result, I hope I've given him more dimension than I began writing him with. And anyone whose taken the time to give any kind of review, thanks so much. I probably wouldn?t have gone through writing this one without support-I know it's going to be difficult for me, so your efforts are greatly appreciated.


One: Delusions

?Obi-Wan, the salle?s going to be full. I don?t relish sparring in the corridor again.?

A dark mark runs across the paper. I huff and grasp the crumbled bit of eraser between my fingers. Once I?ve rubbed away the clouded charcoal, I hold the thick, cream-washed paper back.

I shouldn?t be able to afford such a luxury, but the sketch pad was a gift, a retreat of merely twenty-two pages. I can go to it for expression, for diversion on a long trip between missions and planets. It gives me the ability to capture an image that would otherwise be fleeting. I can suspend a blink, long enough to etch the scene into my mind, then to the paper.

Some I erase, others I would never dream of diminishing.

I tilt the work towards the lamp. Light, carefully composed lines web together in a pair of ovals. Between them is the beginnings of a distinctive nose.

With narrowed eyes and pursed mouth, I appraise the likeness?and my grip loosens from the book, as frustration tightens in my chest.

Why did I think I could do this? Why did I think I was capable of it?

?Obi-Wan, I?m going to look ridiculous sparring with MYSELF?about as ridiculous a you will scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush!?

?A one-bristled toothbrush?? I murmur in reaction to one of the threats he favors. I stare at the sketch a moment, as if by sheer hope talent will miraculously flood my veins, and perfection will leap to multidimensional life.

?Padawan??

I slip the battered pad into a deep drawer of my desk. ?I?m coming.? I try not to be irritated by his persistence. I know which priorities belong at the peak of the Jedi totem.

But I just wanted a few more minutes, to shade in the temple, to finish the bridge?

Time enough for that later.

I grab my sash and head into the living room.

Master smiles. ?Kid, you better wake up.?

My eyes open to aching slits.

?Did you hear me, kid??

I blink as my surroundings solidify from gray mist to dismal slate and brick. My heard doesn?t sink?it doesn?t plummet, as it did in the early days and months. The pang is gone, the one that left me curled in a ball, huddling in shadow.

After this long, I don?t feel any of that. It?s a kick in the side when you?re already beaten, and nearly numb to the blows.

I know where I am.

And I know where I?m not.

I won?t let myself linger in a delusion. He is gone?because I am gone.

Maybe he?s home.

Or maybe my captors have been lying. I have no reason to trust them, to trust the murky, unreadable clots that represent their hearts. He could have suffered a similar-or worse-fate than I have.

I can?t sense him.

And

 

What I think is that you're getting more and more comfortable in stretching your imagination, and letting the story move within the parameters of your character. Lovely, stark imagery - and a marvelous grasp of despair and loneliness.

Good job, Kiddo.

CYN

 

I'd like Obi-Wans flow of thoughts. It's very touching.
Good work!

 

I think I'm terribly jealous of your natural writing talent, but I'm also very glad that you're nice enough to share your stories with the rest of us.

(In other words, I loved it.)

 

LE, this is beautiful in a stark, almost horrifying way. Wonderfully done with such subtle imagery! Loved the drawing in the dust and having it scuffed away. So sad!

Great job. Keep going.

Oh, LE, you should have a link to "If I were" up at the top so it will make it easier for others to read (reread) the original...

 

Beautiful beginning LE . I could almost feel his sense of hopelessness and longing. I'm thrilled you are taking us on yet another wonderfully creative journey.

 

This looks to be another great ride with you

 

Oh, that was haunting. The poor kid, thinking he'll never leave, never be free or loved again. Marvelous portrait of despair, LE.

Looking forward to seeing this story through his eyes.

Shaindl

PS: Thanks for the mention in your dedication - that was too sweet.

 

CYN I was reading your latest post on 'Doors' while you were reviewing this, I think. [face_shocked] I do hope that I'm coming across as more believable with Obi-Wan. I probably don't do as much research type stuff as I should, like watching the, uh, original movies ( ) so I'm really serious when I say that a lot of my opinions of him come from reading the fiction floating around here. So thanks again, and I'm so glad you liked it so far.

jeday A new reader! I noticed you also reviewed on my vig, so thanks twice.

Opal You're so sweet, and thank you.

diane Thanks! And thanks for offering the advice about the link. I'll do that right after I post.

o_e I'm thrilled you'll be reading and offering your comments.

PK I hope so!

Shaindl Things aren't gonna get any lighter soon for him, either. But it's even worse for me...another story for you to nag me about!


Twoescended

Dusk has fallen, so that it can meld in with the trend here, another note in the sick, static harmony of this thick, cement-and-steel cage.

Most things here fall.

The molded dust from the ceiling, drifting down like a thin puff of ash.

Bodies to the ground, after the day?s last trudging step.

Eyelids?finally falling?

Sometimes, never to lift again.

I don?t doubt there are those who crave the end. After awhile, the void seems a lovely, numbing pool, never closer. The spirit can only endure so long before it too is weighed down by the chains. There comes a time when you stop reaching through the bars. When you begin to reach for something else, a freedom that cannot be granted in breath and blood.

I don?t sense it in Cellmate?s eyes. He?s the kind that can belong anywhere and nowhere, can spit and grin and complain at the edge of a pub stool or the lip of a volcano. He could remain in this rotting cavern a hundred years more with an unchanging manner.

Others aren?t protected by such coarse skin. Some quietly sink into themselves, or release their frenzied aggression in one bottomless scream.

When I first found myself within the winding corridors and cells of this place, I was locked away in solitary. I wasn?t the average, toss-away prisoner. I could be used. I had a purpose?I had many purposes, if the need arose, all within my name and station. I was Jedi.

Not exactly taken lightly within the criminal world.

I couldn?t be risked, in a small space with an unruly or dangerous companion. In addition, my abilities could have been employed to flee the prison. So the first shivery days of my captivity were spent clawing the walls, feeling for the catch or seam that would be my salvation, as it had been in the past. I had the training?gods, two decades of training?

But for all the flaws of the old walls, there was no imbedded trick of escape.

If there was a crack, it was within my own mind, gradually chiseled by the questions that became sharper and sharper as time passed: Where was he? Why couldn?t I sense him? Worse, what happened to him?

Was he looking for me? Was he nearby, within another cell? Was he just a step away, and I needed to be ready to leap through the damn door when he sliced it open? Did he make it through the night, that night when I?did he make it, or did they lie? What if they lied? Oh gods what if they lied?

Eventually, the thoughts evolved, as my surroundings stayed the same: Does he know that I?m alive? Would he have been able to breakout? Have I let him down?

I?ve never known the answers to the first two, but for the last, I am certain. And once I was sure, I suppose that?s when they knew I would not be the fiery warrior, prepared to bust through the shackles and mow down the guards.

I?m not dreaming of death anymore than I?m dreaming of liberation.

I don?t dream of them. I don?t fight for them.

I guess I?m the outcast here. I can?t fall with the rest tonight. I slept in the day and cannot force myself int

 

hurray first post. L_E you've always been one of my favorite authors , with awesome stories, but i think you've outdone yourself with this one i just had to tell you that.

 

The poignant anguish of his acceptance of his fate and the fact that Qui-Gon didn't come to rescue him right away is really pulling my heartstings. Great job so far. I do have one question, though - why can't Obi-Wan escape? Is he drugged or is there some reason why he can't use the Force to escape? Inguiring minds want to know....

 

Well lazy minds don't wanna figure it out

 

If there was a crack, it was within my own mind, gradually chiseled by the questions that became sharper and sharper as time passed

Very poignant. I am always amazed when a writer is able to create such strong emotions through mere words.

 

Aw.

 

Who knew that agony could be so beautiful?

Looking forward to your next post, and I'm glad your computer glitches are fixed.

Happy writing!

 

poor baby

 

What a powerful beginning! I loved your portrayal of Obi-Wan, that poor guy is always getting into trouble. I can't wait for more.

 

Wow! This is wonderful! I didn't realize you'd started another one, much less end the first one. Now I'm off to read your other viggie.

 

Obi angst! I loved the other one portraying Qui-Gon's point of view! You nailed our handsome Master right on the 'T'!!! Great work LE!!!! Keep it up!!

 

While reading 'If I were...' I always wondered what Obi's captivity was like or the first time after he came home. I'm very glad you've decided to start Obi's story from this point. His hopelessness comes across very clearly as well as the whole atmosphere of his prison with all it's different inmates. I'm looking forward to more.

 

diane I want to update every day (or two ) but the whole escape thing is giving me trouble. If you haven't noticed, I'm not very good with those sort of things...I'm more into emotion than an actual plotline .

o_e I am always amazed when a writer is able to create such strong emotions through mere words. Then you know what it's like to read your work.

jedi_keladry

PK

VaderLVR64 What's life with out the occasional bit of trouble?

L_S Thanks!

Kynstar handsome[/b]? You must be hanging around diane or something..

Indra That's probably the biggest problem (outside of that darn escape thing) that I have to work on, is what events to cover with Obi-Wan's perspective. Although, I'm really looking forward to writing the upcoming reunion scene.

 

Reunion scenes are always great. Can't wait for that one.

 

Just came around.
Wooow, this is breathtaking! So very thight emotions.
Enjoyed Obi-Wans agony very much.

 

Yay! I was reading "If I Were..." over at ff.net, (and it was one of my favorites) then I found it here! And it was finished! And now there's a sequel! And it looks really good!
(I read "At My Shoulders" too but I should probobly go review that on its own page...)

 

Indra I can't wait to write it. I'm been thinking about it alot.

jeday Thank you.

PadawanEstel Yeah, I'm,uh, not very good at updating as often at ff.net as I am here. It's just easier over here, and there's more interaction here. I'm glad you're enjoying and I hope I don't disappoint.