The business of Revenge.(A JA fanfic)

Okay I know yall must be surprised, but when I get an idea, I GET an idea. LOL I hope this sounds okay. I mean feedback would be good. Also you might want to read my other story first if you haven't already. It will help make more sense why Bruck wants revenge.
Its called "A Second Chance"
I won't be posting as often since this ISN'T pre-written.Perhaps yall can keep it from slipping of the end of page two for me. Tell me what you think about this start?!!?!


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Bruck Chun left the Jedi Temple, his face well hidden in his hood. He was taking no chances at being recognized. His six week punishment was just up and he was planning his revenge. // You are going to regret the day you were born Kenobi. This will be the worst birthday of your life.//

He walked swiftly down the streets of Coruscant, his path carrying him deeper into a side of town known for its crimes. He stopped in a dark, dingy alley, outside of a bar. He lifted his hood away and looked up at the sign.
"The Outer Rim"
It was said to have been named so for the crowds it attracted. Particularly the slave traders from the Outer Rim. Bruck looked around cautiously, then ducked into the bar. He knew the name of the man he was looking for.
Javen Tor. The most ruthless and cunning slave trader in the galaxy. He had earned the reputation because he had never been caught by the Authorities. Or a Jedi. He could never be proven guilty. The evidence could never be found. When he sold a slave they were often never seen again.
Bruck had spent the six weeks of his silence in planning his revenge. He had studied up on the slave trading and the Outer Rim. And the Man who had never been caught.
Bruck walked up to one of the waiters, a type of alien he had never seen before. "Excuse me, can you tell me if Javen Tor is here?"

The waiter looked him up and down, then without a word, pointed one of its many fingers towards a back table, where a rough looking group of men sat. Bruck thanked the creature, then steeled his quaking knees and headed toward the table. He stepped up to the table, his stomach knotting in fear. "Excuse me sirs, which one of you would be Javen Tor?"

A thick muscled man with black hair and eyes spoke first. His voice was cold and his eyes radiated darkness. "And who would be asking?"
Bruck swallowed hard. "My name is Tilon. I am here on business. Could I speak with Javen Tor privately?"

Javen Tor was amused by the boys courage. Grown men had been afraid to approach him and this little whelp hadn't hesitated to barge right in. //The whelp is either incredibly brave or foolishly stupid.// He had killed men for less than that. It also didn't escape his notice that this boy was a Jedi. An apprentice if his braid was any indication.
His curiosity piqued, Javen waved a hand at his comrades, and one by one they left the table.
"I am Javen Tor. What business does a Jedi apprentice have to do with me?"
Bruck looked around nervously. "May I sit down?"
Javen laughed harshly. "Of course,of course, have a seat. And would the little whelp like a drink as well?"

The barb from the slave trader gave Bruck the courage to continue.
"No. I am here on business.
The business of revenge."

[This message has been edited by JediKnight-Obi-Wan (edited 02-25-2000).]

[This message has been edited by JediKnight-Obi-Wan (edited 02-26-2000).]

 

A new story! YAY! This looks sooooo good! I can't wait for more! cool.gif

 

You have an awesome start. I can only think. Poor Obi-Wan is going to get tortured again. LOL I can't wait to read more. I hope you post often.

 

Sounds good! Please finish your other story soon though!

 

Oh yay! I can't wait to see what dirty little Bruck has in mind for Obi-Wan. And of course I'll help keep the story from slipping back into the depths of the JC.
cool.gif

 

Jedi Erica Amidala I already finished the other story. I know I kinda left the epilogue hanging but I did that because it was funny and I just did. LOL So I'm finished with that other one.

 

When are they finally going to throw that wretched Bruck out of the Temple? Great start. (BTW, someone much more skilled than I should tell you how to make a link to your other thread in your first post, so new readers can jump right there. I would, but I do not posess such skills. ) Keep up the good work! --AWK

 

Wow, you started your new story already! And it's a great start at that. Impressive. Most impressive.
Bruck is e-v-i-l! But I can't wait to see what he has in mind for revenge.

 

Okay yes Bruck mise well be sith. LOL I mean he is horrible isn't he. SO do yall want me to write it where he gets caught in the end and gets banished or what? I need to know so I can write it into the story if you do.
Any feedback is ALWAYS welcome. It may be awhile before the next post. I haven't written it yet. Hope this is good.Oh hey how was that first post? I wrote it at 2:00 AM.


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Javen sat back in his chair grinning mockingly.
"And why does this concern me? I'm not getting into your fight whelp."
Bruck wished the trader would stop calling him that, but he wasn't about to mention it. //The things I have heard about him are enough to make my skin crawl.// "Its not a petty fight sir. Besides you would profit greatly from this." Javen's black eyes narrowed.
"I'm listening."
"There is a boy, around my age. He is my enemy. I wish to be rid of him."
Javen howled in laughter. In a low and chilling tone he spoke. "Listen whelp, I can get kids your age to sell in abundance. There is no special profit in it."

"But this isn't a normal kid. He is a Jedi."
Javen snapped upright in the chair, his eyes glowering.
"What did you say?!" Bruck swallowed hard.
"I said he is a Jedi."
"I heard that part whelp. Do you think I have gone temporarily insane? If I take that kid I'll have all the Jedi chasing me."
Bruck knew this was the dangerous part. Not only was this man known for his skill, but also for his pride. Inserting just a hint of sarcasm in his voice Bruck spoke. "I thought you had never been caught before?"
Javens blood boiled and for a moment he was pondering what the most painful death he could deal this foolish whelp would be. But pride took over just as Bruck had hoped. "Of course I haven't been caught whelp, do you think I got that reputation by snatching Jedi Padawans?"
Bruck fidgeted nervously. This wasn't going as he had planned. "But can't you sell him to someone who would never be found?" he tried another tactic. Greed. "Think of the money you could make."
Javen sat back in his chair heavy in thought. It was just last month someone had requested a force-sensitive kid. The money offered had been phenomenal.
Javen didn't like that group though. He had a hunch they were force-sensitive themselves and he didn't trust them.
But in this business he had learned to deal with people he didn't like.
//Or I kill them//
He grinned at that thought.
But still, snatching a Jedi apprentice was dangerous. He had almost been caught by a persistent Jedi some years ago. A Jinn somebody or other. Having a whole pack of them sniffing around was not to his liking.
Not unless the reward was VERY high.
A slow evil smile crept over his face. This reward just might be.
"Okay whelp who is this kid and how am I supposed to snatch a Jedi Padawan out from under his Master and the Temple?"
Bruck smiled in relief.
He would have his revenge.

 

Wow! That was good! I can't wait for another!

Your first post was great!

 

This looks like it could be good, but just one question/comment/piece of criticism. How does Bruck Chun even know of a nasty slave trader (who makes his living not being found by authority), never mind exactly how, when, and where to find him?

 

I am really liking this story. Poor Obi-Wan. LOL I am curious to see how Qui-Gon reacts to Obi-Wan getting snatched by slave traders. And I am intriqued that Javen knows Qui-Gon, please do not keep us waiting long.

 

No thats a good question and I should have put it in there. Okay read the first post again. It ought to make more sense now. sorry bout that.
While Bruck was under punishment he did some shall we saw research on his revenge. He looked up slave trading and such and found the cruelest man he could and where to find him. Because even though he hasn't been caught officially its still known that he is a slave trader but just could never be PROVEN guilty. Plus Bruck is just pure evil. heehee lol

[This message has been edited by JediKnight-Obi-Wan (edited 02-26-2000).]

 

Woohoo! Another post! I can't wait to see how Tor will kidnap Obi-Wan. And what he will do when(or if) he finds out OB1 is Jinn's apprentice. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

 

Very cool beginning! Keep it going!

 

Psst! Hey, you! Yes, you, Javen Tor! If you know what's good for you, you'll snatch this kid who calls himself Tilon and sell HIM to the slave traders! My sources tell me that not very many people at the Jedi Temple will be missing him!

 

Bruck is a nasty little twerp, isn't he?
I'm loving this story already.
Please post some more soon!

 

Jane Jinn thank you. You just gave me a spendid idea. Don't hit me with a baseball bat but I haven't written the next part yet.
I will try to get it done this afternoon.
My Grandmother is coming tonight and my parents are out of town to pick her up and just me and one sister were left to clean a two story house with five bedrooms and three and a half baths,a library,a sunporch, ect.
groans loudly just thinking about it,and that one sister is sick, and I don't feel so well either. I am NOT getting sick though. I WILL not. Plus I had to get up early to take care of the animals on our little farm and I went to bed late last night because JOWK. Its all her fault. heehee She posted that tease-Obi-Wan's-insane post. Then I replied and there was a REAL post. I was sooo surprised. LOL Anyways I didn't get till bed till 3:44. AHHH yes I'm think now I'm going insane. Heheehee. More post tonight, I'll stop blabbering now.

 

Oh...did I mention that sick sister is getting married in two weeks. rolleyes.gif


passes out in dead faint

[This message has been edited by JediKnight-Obi-Wan (edited 02-27-2000).]

 

Okay I wrote this part this afternoon so it ought to be better then the ones I write at 2:00AM plust I took a nap! yay! Tell me what you think? Feedback ect. As I said bruck mise well be sith...but I have some sithly plains for him as well. MUHAAHAAHAA*


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Obi-Wan Kenobi walked through the Jedi Temple. He was bored. Very bored. It was his fourteenth birthday today and his Master had told him to stay away from their quarters for a few hours. He was left to wander the halls of the Jedi Temple. He knew his Master was up to something. //Why else would he want me to stay away?// he smiled to himself.
Slowly he ambled into the Jedi Temple gardens and sat on a cool marble bench. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath. The air was heavy with the smell of flowers and the breeze whispered softly through the tree's. The sun warmed his skin causing him to become drowsy.
Suddenly he heard the patter of little feet coming closer, then stopping in front of him.
Opening his blue eyes lazily he saw a young temple messenger around six standard years old. She gazed up at him in adoration. A slow lazy smile spread across his face. Her face turned red. "I'm sorry to disturb you Padawan Kenobi, but I have a message for you." He leaned forward. "And who is it from?"
The messenger stared up at him her violet eyes wide. //Oh my stars...he is so cute and he's nice too.// Obi-Wan looked at her in amusement. "Excuse me....who is it from?" The young girl jumped then flushed crimson once again. "Oh..I'm so sorry." She thrust the envelope at him and ran. Obi-Wan laughed softly to himself.
His gaze fell to the envelope in his hands. //Well this will answer my question.// Sliding his thumb under the tab, he tore it open.
He scanned it quickly.
*****************************************
Obi-Wan,
Please meet me at 66nd street. Its very
important. Please hurry. I'll be waiting.
Your friend,Bant.
******************************************
Obi-Wan frowned in confusion. This wasn't like Bant. True he hadn't seen her all day but he thought she was helping his Master.//Whatever it is he is doing.// Obi-Wan set the envelope down on the bench. He sat back against the ivy covered wall behind him, deep in thought. Why would she want me to go there? If I remember correctly thats a bad part of this city. Maybe she's in trouble. With the last thought his brow creased in worry. Now why would she be there anyway much less in trouble. Besides if she is there she is well enough to send a message for me to meet her. //Well there is only one way to find out.//
The force whispered a soft unheard warning.
Standing swiftly he left the gardens, leaving the envelope on the marble bench behind him.
*********************************************
Obi-Wan hastily wrote a note to his Master, then slid it into an envelope. He wasn't going to disturb his Master from whatever it was he was doing. For all he knew this was some trick to get him away for awhile. He would just play along. He handed the note to a Temple messenger to put in his delivery bag. Turning he walked swiftly towards the exit of the Temple.
As soon as he was out of sight the Temple messenger started his rounds. As he turned a corner someone ran into him, sending them both to the ground. The messenger looked up and recognized the Padawan as the one who had the six week punishment of not speaking.

"Oh I'm so sorry, here let me help you pick those up."
Both boys knelt to pick up the scattered envelopes. Bruck watched slyly until the messenger had his back turned then snuck the note from Obi-Wan to his Master into his robe. Standing quickly, he apologized again, then walked briskly out of the Jedi Temple. //Ahh good ole Oafy-Wan. Always the perfect little Padawan leaving his Master a message.//
Smiling maliciously he tore it into tiny pieces then broke into a jog. He wanted to be there to see his face. //Yes Oafy-Wan lets see you get out of this one.//

 

Why that little.....*okay, calm*

This is getting good!

 

Well these don't go by the Ja books. This is just a fanfiction story of mine. I haven't read the JA books yet but I will soon. However this story doesn't go by those books
Just like some people write about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan together when Obi-Wan was a baby.

 

I hope Bruck gets beat up by a street gang on his way to 66nd. Excellent post, BTW.

 

*Does the annoying clichè movie scene...*

No! Don't go there! Whatever you do, don't!

*End of clichè movie scene...*

Please post more!

 

Oh-ohh